Occasionally when I’m having a rough time, I have dreams where I sit next to Sidney Crosby in a bar and he gives me sage advice like an oracle on a mountain. The rest of the pens are always in the background like doing cartwheels or some shit
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@crosbussy
Occasionally when I’m having a rough time, I have dreams where I sit next to Sidney Crosby in a bar and he gives me sage advice like an oracle on a mountain. The rest of the pens are always in the background like doing cartwheels or some shit
Me telling my friends about Sidney Crosby
I feel like Ilya Rosanov would really enjoy watching professional wrestling during the off season because of the action and the drama but he doesn’t have the time to keep up with it, so he doesn’t know it’s all fake and Shane KNOWS it would crush him if he found out it was scripted so for a couple months every year his full time job is keeping this secret and threatening anyone who tries to blow it for him
“No Barrett, fuck you, the fucking Custody of Dominik Ladder Match was real and it was legally binding, fuck you.”
About to have a slide in his house and a waterpark in his backyard
Me whenever a big sports star unexpectedly moves to a new team:
oh my god it’s just like heated rivalry
Centaurs WAGs group chat is 95% just talking about weird shit the guys do, like “hey is your husband also really interested in bees?” Or “hey is yours morally opposed to sunscreen?” Or “he’s going to be gone all day and the only thing he brought with him is a Diet Coke, not even like chapstick, why are they always so unprepared”
Shane is in there for control, both as a spy and to give opinions. He’s also really interested in bees.
Love that All The Things She Said was canonically playing in the club that night in Montreal, like the DJ saw Ilya Rosanov do a double door walk in and he went “fuck fuck I gotta play something Russian that ISN’T Rasputin it’s HIM” and then he fucking ate
Things I could see Sidney Crosby spending his immense wealth on:
-a tailor
-giving someone $100 as an apology after buying 11 items at the 10 items or less checkout
-bow tie (for dog)
-sweatpants
-a local wine tasting event, but like not for the wine, just kind of for the aura of the vineyard
-ice cream (for rookies)
-matching best friend hats for him and Geno
Things I couldn’t see Sidney Crosby spending his immense wealth on:
-anything else probably
Because Shane is gay and has a good relationship with his parents and also can drive, I’m a firm believer that he’s bad at math and has to call Ilya about it ALL THE TIME. Like Shane is known as a really generous tipper at restaurants but really it’s just because he doesn’t know how much to pay so he panics and just gives them $500 for a $40 meal if Ilya is busy and can’t come to the phone.
But halfway through the season he’ll be like “we actually have exactly an 84.735% chance of making the playoffs if we win tonight’s game” and Ilya is like sweetheart wtf
If the Pittsburgh Penguins could stop selling crop tops and/or shirts that can be perfectly cut into crop tops, that would really help my bank account and also my closet and it’s limited space
“Connor Storrie spotted with a mystery woman”
sir…… he’s wearing flared pants and holding a cigarette with a limp wrist, let him have his girls night in peace
Saw someone mentioning Miss Canada being rude to hotel staff and I immediately panicked and went on the defensive because Miss Canada would NEVER, you’re a fucking LIAR, only to realize they were indeed referring to the actual Miss Canada, and not Sidney Crosby
When will the pens merch shop sell a replica of the Sidney Crosby cum stain hat because there’s no amount of money I wouldn’t pay
Shane Hollander really said “wow this burger recipe feeds 8? There’s absolutely no way to figure out how I’m supposed to cut that for 4, impossible, I’m a gay jock, I’m not even going to try”
Ilya gets over his nicotine addiction no problem, but what he really can’t let go of is his addiction to cigarettes making him look cool as hell, and like five years into their marriage Shane finds Ilya “chain smoking” candy cigarettes in their backyard at 3am like a fucking animal and Shane just goes “…I feel like this is actually worse somehow.”
Concept is t-shirts that are just so Ilya Rosanov coded
Me when Sid’s curls peek out from under his helmet