Trauma Blog

I’m tired of my main being so depressing

[bobulousburntham]

dreaming of being 30 with my wife and our (at this point imaginary) girlfriend

Imagine this if you(me) will:

You're studying for finals for Pharmacy school, stressed and exhausted, having forgotten to eat all day long.

Wife notices that i'm too tired to take care of myself but doesn't have the emotional band-with after a long day at the shop so instead she goes out to buy us all Thai food and we get our own mango sticky rice.

Girlfriend had a great day and remembers me taking the time to listen to it eagerly before i started my work. She brings me a cup of Chai and gently rubs my shoulders then puts on some Lofi and sits down to help me with my flashcards.

Wife gets home right as i finish studying and am laying in girlfriend's lap watching mythical kitchen.

Wife gushes at how cute we are as i sit up and give her some space to the right of me while our girlfriend is to the left as we unpack our food and dig in.

We have an amazing dinner after a mostly stressful day and as were going to bed, kissing goodnight, we all have slow gentle, loving sex in the moonlight shining through our curtained window.

And in the morning, thankful for the wonderful care i received, i make their favorites for breakfast, bringing it up to our bedroom and gently wake them.

The world is healing.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

hey nah world aint healin

turns out she was severely fucked up and put holes in walls and far worse. sorry yall.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

You will never understand how much you fucked me up.

You watched for years as I got better

You watched me hurt for years,

held me through the pain.

And once I was finally better,

you turned it all back on me.

I used to think I knew what it felt like to be unlovable.

Now I know how it really feels to wonder

“Will I ever really be someone worth loving?”

but fuck me for abandoning you during your time of need.

I didnt realize it was abandonment to tell your oarents you were in need of serious help. That I was concerned about your safety and the safety of everyone around you.

My abandonment was desperately trying to get you the help you needed.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

Say your done

throw dirt in my face

do as you wish

tell yourself that

I am not the patron saint

of the rabbits you love so much

[doctorwhowatchesthewatchmen]

Shoresy really said what’s wrong with being a simp, what’s wrong with making an effort, what’s wrong with being down bad for someone who knows their worth and doing whatever it takes to be in their life, what’s wrong with showing vulnerability and opening yourself up to possibility of rejection when you have people around you who support you and accept you regardless and I think that’s beautiful and we need more of that please

[cryingweepingboohoo]

My last three thoughts every night before i go to bed:

1.I hope Fern has a good night.

2. I hope W** is still there for me in the morning.

3. Did I lock the front door, or am I going to wake up to Val leering over me with a gun to my head tonight?

[cryingweepingboohoo]

You can only try to get ahead of it so hard

You can text me 17 times in a row in the middle of the night

Frothing at the mouth

angry that we chose to live without you

angry that I could possibly leave YOU

You can try so hard to get ahead of it

but you dont even know what all it is

you need to get ahead of.

You didnt just assault one person.

You did it once in the beginning

and i forgave you because you let me talk trough how it made me feel.

That felt like enough.

You hid a gun under our pillows that I never knew you owned

You treated me like I was crazy for being upset by finding it while we were fucking.

You had sex with me while I was asleep- which isnt the violation. We both know I was fine with part.

Im not here to lie.

What I didn’t consent to was you physically holding me still.

You growling at me and gnashing your fucking teeth.

You telling me not to fucking move.

You treating me like I was nothing but your chew toy.

Had you asked me the night before? Maybe. Maybe I would have consented to waking up to that.

But I didnt.

I laid there and took it because its all you were even willing to give me.

The thing that hurts, its that you immediately tried to turn yourself into a victim, when all I had done was vague post on my own account. An account that was no longer associated with you.

God forbid your fucking followers know that you arent just “haha im unstable” but are “Im fucking unstable and dangerous”

God for-fucking-bid your followers see that those desires of yours you post about aren’t just fantasy.

We both know it.

You want to know why I was SOOOO fucking scared of you?

Those holes you put in the walls, would have killed me. They were physically getting closer to the house. You have already broken a hole in our bedroom door.

I was scared that you were going to kill us. And then rape our corpses.

Thats why I fucking left.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

Fear

I am made of fear

My DNA was carefully crafted by

Shaking hands and trembling fingertips

Lacing together the threads that hold me here

They try to take me out on a walk

Into a world of noise and lights

Drag me along the sidewalk

Paws raw in the blistering sun

Fear itself sits beside me

She whispers to me

Hand cupped over her mouth

Hot breath tickling my ear

When she speaks

She sounds like you

Annoyed, contemptuous

She locks eyes with mine and

In hers I see that growing flame

I feel her breath suffocating and damp

She places her hand

so solid and so warm on my cheek

My tears sizzle as they touch her palm

I feel the steam as it rises high

Eyes still locked to hers

I see her name in that flame

I feel my breath hitch and myself sob

Anger is the woman I sit beside

And I

I am her reflection

[cryingweepingboohoo]

God you are fucking psychotic Valentine.

I shouldn’t immediately be terrified that you have access to a firearm again when i hear that there was a shooting near you.

get. fucking. help.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

[cryingweepingboohoo]

You made me feel crazy

You made me feel like no one would ever love me

because i was too soft

too gentle

too kind

what kind of world is it

where being too kind is a trait not worthy of love

I never want to live in your world again, Valentine.

[cryingweepingboohoo]

Whenever I start to feel bad about kicking you out, I remind myself that we had to bring your parents with us so they could sneak your weapons out of your shed unnoticed first.

I remember how many holes you put in the walls.

I remember how many of those holes were actually slash marks.

I remember that when i stand next to those slash marks, if it were me and not the wall, I would be dead by now.

I remind myself that when I tried to punch the wall to see how hard you had to hit for it to be that destroyed, i hurt myself and didn’t even leave a mark.

I remind myself that most of that damage was because you didn’t get your way.

You may want us to die, but I still want you to live.

That is the difference.

That is the mark you could not leave on me.

Happy fucking new years Val.

[sirpuntine]

Not only did mama raise a quitter, but she also raised a procrastinator, people-pleaser, doormat, coward, and liar, and you can’t put a price on that

[savvyskies-deactivated20251209]

I kissed an old friend today 

When I visited my hometown 

I told him all about 

All the scars drawn across the streets

Where he’d only ever seen the lights

It was like saying goodbye

To something that could’ve been

If things didn’t happen the way they did

I know he thinks of me,

Because I think of him fondly too.

He listens,

I am a whole soul to be witnessed

Not just the porcelain doll

Bought at a collectors price

And that is the difference.

[ibelieveinmgc]

@ibelieveinmgc (2025)

[sadboys2k01]

I‘m only useful when I‘m being used

[cryingweepingboohoo]

man i just want someone to feel limerence about ME for once dang it.

[scholarlycoffee]

mcas is an objectively stupid condition btw. wdym my day is ruined because I'm having an allergic reaction to... snow? ok sure