✨Motherhood✨
My baby turns one tomorrow which is incredible, unbelievable, shocking, and insanely bittersweet.
A year. A whole year.
Motherhood is everything, and nothing, like what I would thought it would be.
It is THE thing- the biggest thing, the most holy thing. Blissful and incredibly hard and achingly, devistatingly beautiful. It’s the biggest teacher and screams about our mortality while holding hands with the timelessness that is being human.
It’s totally psychedelic. Insanely meditative. And some days rocks me down to the core, guts me like a fish and shines a flashlight on all the unhealed places.
I beg of you, please, if you think motherhood is easy- try mothering a sick baby while sick. Try mothering while your PTSD is triggered. Try mothering while in conflict, or riding an angst wave, or being worried about your own mother. Try mothering on no sleep. Everything feels like a breeze now.
Maidenhood’s moments of solitude and empty time seems devilishly luxurious now. To have a whole day in which you do… nothing. Unimaginable.
And while maybe I’d trade a bunch of things for three hours to drink a glass of wine and take a bath and not think about an endless to do list, I would never, ever trade this role. Ever.
It has lit every fire. It has warmed every soup. It is a cup of tea, it is my grandmothers smile, it is dirt and roots and wooden spoons. It is pure alchemy and medicine. Both the knife and the balm. It is bravery and tenacity and cotton and wood smoke. Picnic baskets and love letters and bones. Mothering has filled my bird bones with grit, expanded my heart 10 times, given me crows feet and a stronger spine. Mothering is beautiful- and I weep for it’s lessons. For it’s humbling. For it’s medicine.
I breathe for my daughter. The birds sing for her, the wind blows for her, the heart beat of the earth is her song. She is the universe with a crooked smile and baby duck blonde hair and a screeching giggle. Life meant nothing, nothing, until she showed up.
I pray and hope and wish wish wish that I get to live as long as possible, if only so I can keep living in this world with her. If only so I can keep smelling the top of her, keep catching glimpses of the wonder that lights her up.
She is joy, the is water and earth, she is shiny crackling silly sweetness with an ear shattering screech and dirt-stained overalls. Barefooted acorn hunter, lover of kitties and apples and laughing and climbing. The queen of fall and all things otherworldly. Spirit realm traveler and light being and mystic bird watching oracle. The love of my life. My love. My life. My heart. The keeper of it all. This tiny little Scorpio queen. I am awestruck endlessly by you. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. I love you.




















