drake: babe, oh my god! i just heard the news! congratulations, sufjan!!
sufjan: You Mean To Say “Academy Award Nominee Sufjan Stevens”
drake: hm? what’s that?
sufjan: From Now On I Will Only Answer To My Full Name Which As You Know Is Academy Award Nominee Sufjan Stevens
drake: …you know on any other day i’d gently and politely refuse that request but given the circumstances i think it’s actually warranted… academy award nominee sufjan stevens ;)
sufjan: Thank You Aubrey For Indulging My Whimsy I Knew There Was A Reason I Married You Besides The Opportunity To Go Ham On The Wedding Registry And Collect Kitchen Aid Stand Mixers Like Pokemon
drake: no problem, babe. so… what are you up to? looks like you’ve reorganized the den a little bit
sufjan: Yes I Have Transformed Our Living Space Into A Miniature Replica Of The Dolby Theatre The Better To Practice My Academy Awards Performance As You Can See These Couch Cushions Form The Stage And These Various Stuffed Animals Are My Captive Audience
drake: oh cute… wow that’s… that’s a lot of stuffed animals… and they all have nametags…
sufjan: Yes Seated Ajax The Centre Aisle Are A Flamingo And A Giraffe Who Symbolize Saoirse Ronan And Greta Gerwig Respectively
drake: aww, right! it says, “Hello My Name Is Greta The Giraffe”
sufjan: I Plan To Begin My Performance By Descending From The Rafters In A Sturdy Harness And Sprinkling A Cloud Of Glitter Above Ronan And Gerwig So As To Bless Them And Their Movie Film The Lady Bird
drake: i don’t… know… if greta and saoirse would like that very much…
sufjan: But Aubrey It’s Whimsical
drake: that may well be but i’d still clear it with them first. glitter can be messy.
sufjan: Right Any Way Next I Will Hold My Stainless Steel Banjo Aloft And Strike James Franco Over The Head With It
drake: sufjan! no!
sufjan: He Deserves It
drake: do NOT grievously injure james franco!
sufjan: Can I Injure Him Not Grievously But Just A Little Bit
drake: no! wait. oh my god… is that why… is that why this beanie baby hippopotamus is lying here with all its stuffing leaking out… and a tattered nametag on its chest that says “Hello My Name Is James Idiot”
sufjan: I Cannot Explain My Poetry Often
