GN Reader and Cassie were practically high school sweethearts, but they never actually got together. They drifted apart when McKay began to move away from that positive influence and fell into dark times.
But years later, they meet again at the hospital, and sometimes nostalgia brings good things.
Tags: Reader has chronic pain (leg), addiction, drug and alcohol use, puke, big time jumps (high school and present), angst with happy ending, hurt/comfort, reader feels a lot, Neil McKay is a wingman.
WordC: 6.2k | Soundtrack: On Your Side - The Last Dinner Party
Cassie McKay would recognize your name anywhere, in any tone of voice, and even in any written language if she paid close enough attention.
Perhaps the feeling that made her capable of doing that wasn’t the best one, but she was still capable of it.
Because of guilt.
You had been one of the most loyal and kind people Cassie had ever met, and in a way, the empathy she brought to her work came largely from core memories with you.
You met halfway through your freshman year of high school; it was raining heavily, and you came across her smoking near the window when you opened the accessible restroom.
“Oh, sorry.” You say as soon as you see someone inside and move one hand to cover your eyes while tilting your chin down in the same motion; you don’t realize the situation, you just think someone probably forgot to close the door.
“Shit, I’m sorry.” She was startled by the noise and looked at you, waving her hands against the smoke so it would go out the window.
When you hear the sound of the cigarette butt being stubbed out in the water and hear Cassie move, you take your hand away from your face and look at her.
She was very pretty, and you tilted your head as you stared at her.
“What?” she asked, a little too bothered by your stare.
“Nothing.”
“Already judging me? Shit, if you knew how people here work.”
“I’m not judging you,” you said as soon as you entered the bathroom and headed toward the sink to wash your hands. “But it’s kind of pretty stupid to hide to smoke and forget to lock the door.”
Cassie stared at you as you approached; she opened her mouth to retort, but as soon as she realized that you actually needed the support of the bathroom grab bars and weren’t there to hide like she was, she fell silent.
The sound of running water against the sink fills the room; you let the water slide through your fingers and cup a little in your hand before placing your wet palm behind your neck, sighing and seeking some comfort in a bid to change your body temperature.
“They have a swim team here, if you’re interested.” Her voice came out low; she seems to be trying to break the tension, and you breathe slowly before turning your face toward her.
“Pass.”
Silence falls once more, and you walk slowly toward the door; she creaks as you step into the doorway.
“You’re not going to…”
“Don’t worry.” You glance at her briefly; you don’t need her to finish the sentence to understand that she doesn’t want any trouble with the school administration.
It’s on a day much like this that things change between you two. You were sitting at one of the cafeteria tables, at the far end, to be specific. You were still getting used to the new school, and even though you already had some acquaintances and maybe even friends, those friends already had other people much closer to them than you.
And well, transferring in the middle of the year doesn’t help you much; people already know each other, and those first few weeks of “Where are you from?” and all that were already over.
Cassie sits across from you, snapping you out of your daydream. She’s holding a sandwich with a single bite taken out of it.
“Sorry, I was going to buy you one as a thank-you for not snitching, but it turned out I was 50 cents short.” She gestured with her hands as she spoke, and you found it kind of funny how random she was being. “Which is stupid because that’s like pocket change for these guys.”
Cassie sighs, shaking her head as she looks out the large window next to you.
“Anyway, do you want some?” She offers you the half-eaten sandwich, and you let out a little laugh. “It was just one bite, and I don’t have cavities.”
“Jesus.”
Things only got better after that day; you started to notice that Cassie didn’t seem as lonely as you’d thought she was, but at the same time, she didn’t really seem to have any friends, just people to hang out with for things you’d started to really hate.
It was common for you to wake up in the morning and see a bunch of voicemails from her, in which she was clearly upset or drunk and talking nonsense or just updating you on how a party had gone or any gossip she could remember.
To a certain extent, you were always invited; she always said you should go and that it would be amazing, but the parties and places Cassie seemed to frequent just made you uncomfortable and anxious at just the thought of being there.
Not only because it seemed awful, but you’d also see her with people you had absolutely no interest in actually getting to know.
Until one day, when she just told you she was going and you were a little too annoyed with the situation, you just agreed, even though she didn’t invite you this time.
“What?” She was sitting on her bed; you were sitting on a very comfortable beanbag chair in the corner of the room.
It wasn’t common for you to go to her house; this was the second time, and the first time was just so she could quickly go in and grab the history book she’d forgotten for her afternoon class, you hadn’t even gone inside.
She had a bunch of posters on the walls and shelves with some books you’d never heard of; it was really cozy and somehow didn’t seem like Cassie’s place.
“You always invite me. I can go today.”
“Really?” She narrowed her eyes as she stared at you, doubtful; you didn’t even look her in the eyes. “Who are you trying to get into your bed?”
At the time, you didn’t know exactly why that question had bothered you so much, why it had made you feel so uncomfortable.
But a short time later, when Cassie would walk away from you completely and you’d have all the time in the world to grieve and make sense of your feelings, you’d know why.
Before you could answer - even though you didn’t know yet what you’d say - her father knocked on the door, but walked in without waiting for a reply.
“Hey, darling, I just got some french fries and-” His eyes laid on you and he clearly had a surprise expression on his face, mixed with happiness that he tried to contain. “Oh, hello.”
“Hi, Mr. McKay.”
When you just answered he smiled so big and Cassie moved her eyes up between the two of you, she knew her dad too well.
“Sorry, I didn't know Cassie had a friend over.”
“Oh, it's alright, it's nice to meet you.” You get up slowly and are about to walk to him, but he notices your struggle and moves inside, closer.
You move your hand to shake his and it's like he is on another level of disbelief from what he is presenting.
Cassie watches you two interact with uncertainty, but also some… fondness.
That she would never say out loud or even acknowledge, at least not for now.
“Not the usual for Cassie to bring people home.” He smiles and she rolls her eyes.
“Oh, I was just very excited to meet you so I followed her and she couldn't say no when I entered.”
He laughs at your joke, amused and gives little taps on your shoulder.
“Nice kid, nice.” He turns his head to Cassie and then to you again. “You staying for dinner? I can go buy some more-”
Cassie interrupts him. “No, dad, thanks, we are going out today.”
“Well, what a shame, you should come another time with more time, Cassie's mother makes such a good lasagna and I am sure you would love to see the family album of Cassie's-”
She cuts him again and you smile at him. “Dad.”
“Alright, alright, I will leave you two.”
Neil squeezes your shoulder one more time before he leaves and you glance at Cassie, still sitting at her bed with her back resting against the wall.
“Your dad is very cool.”
“Yeah.”
“You should invite me for that dinner, I would enjoy seeing your pict-”
“Shut up.” She says before throwing a pillow at you.
A little later, she is down at the kitchen, actually picking some chips and fries for you to eat before heading to the party. She is putting some things on the plate when her father approaches.
“What's the name of your new friend?” Neil asked as he stirred a spoonful of sugar into his coffee, glancing sideways at Cassie; apparently, he’d figured out why his daughter had been acting differently lately. For the better of course, slightly, but still.
She answered your name without looking at him, already feeling the weight of his gaze.
“That’s good… You could really use the company of someone as kind as—”
“Don’t do that, Dad.”
“I’m just saying.” It was obvious that you weren’t the kind of person Cassie used to have around, if she ever brought people into the house at all (which she never did), from the few people Neil had seen her talking to or hanging out with, it was clear you were different. “You can tell when someone has a good soul.”
“And you could sense that from the five seconds you spent staring at us in the bedroom?”
“You might not understand this now, but you can sense these things, Cassie.” He took a sip of coffee before continuing. “You’ll learn.”
“Sure.”
At that moment, she couldn’t have cared less about her father’s words, but with every moment she spent with you, his comment became more and more relevant.
The party ended up not being that bad after all. Cassie still seemed a bit skeptical that you were actually there with her; she’d come over every so often to check on you, to see who you were talking to and if you were talking to anyone at all, while she’d suddenly step away from you to do who-knows-what things, that you weren’t sure you wanted to know about.
And you two grew closer; you started holding her hair more when she threw up in the early hours of the morning and now listened to her slurred words firsthand.
But whenever you tried to implicitly tell her how bad she was doing and that she needed to try to change a little, or even when you suggested that next weekend you should just do something different and not go to the same places she always went to, she’d ignore you, not just ignore you, she’d dismiss you. She’d raise one hand high, her mouth still near the toilet, and make a signal for you to leave.
You knew that was the moment you had to leave the bathroom, walk around the house, drink a glass of water, get one for her, and then go back to the bathroom.
It had become a routine and was making you feel worse and worse. You didn’t know if you cared too much about her or if it was just something anyone would feel or do.
It was at a party at a guy’s house, a guy that she held his hand for a long time when you got there with her, that things came to a crucial point. Things weren’t awkward between you two, but Cassie was changing, and you didn’t know how to handle it.
Right after you arrived, you obviously lost track of her; no matter how hard you tried to keep up, you were never 100% able to. It wasn’t until you went down to the basement that you saw her again. She was in the corner of a couch, staring at the ceiling and somehow alone there. There were people nearby, of course, but you could tell she was alone.
“Cassie…” Your voice sounded a little too worried this time as you stopped in front of her and looked down at her.
“Don’t start.” She clearly got annoyed very quickly by your tone of voice; it hadn’t been a very good week. You knew how her parents were giving her a hard time about her grades and absences from class.
But it wasn’t your fault, and it wasn’t as if you hadn’t tried to help in any way you could. At certain times, you have to understand that there’s nothing you can do to help and you have to put yourself first.
And you were just a few hours away from doing just that.
“I didn't say anything.”
Cassie gets up with a sigh and wraps one arm around your neck, resting her face against the bare skin of your neck.
She sighed against your skin, and you took a deep breath.
“Cassie—”
“Shut up,” she murmured as her lips came a little too close to your chin, touching it lightly; you could smell the alcohol on her breath, and your chest ached.
“We’re not going to do this like this.” You placed one hand on her shoulder, pulling her away slightly and holding her in front of you, her body feeling a little too limp.
And she clearly hated your rejection, for all the wrong reasons.
“Can you stop being such a dick?” Her eyes narrowed and she almost slapped the hand that was resting on her shoulder. “Why do you always come to parties if you’re just going to judge me the whole time?”
You know that this said more about her than it did about you, that she was clearly projecting, that she felt this way because she was judging and belittling herself for her own actions.
“It’s not like we’re dating for you to give me such a hard time, fuck.”
She moved one hand to brush her hair back, taking steps backward until she fell onto the couch again, and you stared at her.
You didn’t know exactly what to say, but that made you go get a drink in the kitchen and walk around the unfamiliar house.
But you didn’t last long; you were about to leave, this time not caring whether she came along or not. You looked for her among the partygoers after not finding her in the basement, just to let her know you were leaving. The house was packed, but you could spot her vibrant hair and big eyes in the crowd, you always could; it was almost something to put on your resume.
You took small steps, squeezing your way through the sweaty people dancing; the music was so loud this time, it was extremely annoying for you.
Cassie scratched her nose and took a sip from the glass bottle in her hand.
“You’re together, aren’t you? You two always come together... Just because I was going to set you up with someone right now...” A girl at her side was talking to her.
“No, of course I'm not dating. Do you think I would be with-”
You heard her clearly, and it seemed almost like a joke, how loud and clear her words rang in your ear amid all the noise.
Your eyes met after you’d spent some time staring at her; you felt your arms go limp. Her words caused you physical pain, a strange reaction in your body that made you leave the party the very moment she looked at you.
You started avoiding Cassie McKay,
And Cassie McKay began showing up at school less and less.
Cassie felt guilty and terrible about what had happened, because she knew she’d messed up, but at the same time she was starting to feel more and more that it had been for the best—that she didn’t deserve you anyway.
It was around 2 AM; you weren’t talking to Cassie anymore, you didn’t even say hello to each other in the hallways, and you never picked a sandwich to eat during breaks.
Your phone vibrated for a long time before you answered; an unknown number was on the screen, but as soon as you picked up, a voice you vaguely recognized called your name.
“Sorry to bother you at this hour, I know you probably aren’t with her, but Cassie hasn’t been home since yesterday and I don’t know who else to call.” Neil spoke nervously into the phone, his voice full of anguish that made you sit up in bed.
“Oh, hi Mr. Neil.” You rubbed your eyes, trying to wake up. “I’m sorry, I have no idea where Cassie is right now.”
He sighed, as if to say, “It’s okay, thanks,” and you both fell silent for a while.
“Do you know anyone I could call, kiddo?”
“Sorry no, I don't-” There is another moment of silence, you ponder what to do. “I can check if I can find out anything, maybe she posted something, alright?”
“Thank you, thank you.” He was clearly relieved just by the tiny reassurance you gave him. “Please call me and let me know if you find anything.”
“Of course.”
“Thank you so much, dear.” He says again and it's about to call off when he adds. “You are a very good friend to her.”
“I tried.”
He gives a tiny sigh and you know he is probably thinking the same thing you are, but you both don't say anything.
After he rang up, you go to Instagram, searching for anything that might get you to see Cassie, and, of course, you find out, because the people she hangs out with always love posting things no one else cares about every weekend.
This time tho, you cared about a lot.
You didn’t tell Neil right away; you quickly threw on whatever clothes you could find to leave the house and headed to one of the parties. When you were close enough, you sent a text message to Neil saying you were coming to pick her up.
“Is Cassie here?” You asked as soon as you stepped into the room, turning toward a couple making out on the couch. This time, the house wasn’t very crowded, and you couldn’t be picky.
And you were too tired to be picky.
You clapped your hands in front of their faces, and they both glared at you.
“Cassie McKay.” You ignored the weight of their anger in their gaze. “Is she here?”
“Damn, in the bathroom upstairs probably.” The guy answered and nodded in denial as you left, getting back to making out.
It wasn’t hard to find her in the only bathroom in the house; she was sitting on the toilet with the lid down, and you opened the door without knocking.
She looked up at you right away; a guy was sitting in the bathtub, staring at the ceiling.
“Get out,” you said when you noticed him. He started mumbling something, and you cut him off mid-sentence. “Get the fuck out.!”
He looked at Cassie and snorted when she didn’t react, leaving the bathroom and bumping into your shoulder.
You closed the door as soon as he left and gripped the doorknob tightly.
“What are you doing here?”
“We are leaving.”
“That doesn’t answer my question.”
“Do you think I care about answering your questions given the situation you’re in, Cassie?”
It was the first time you’d said her name without any affection, and she could tell.
“I don’t care what you’re going to do next, but right now we’re getting out of here and I’m going to drop you off at home.” You sighed, looking at anything but her. “Your dad is worried sick, and I’m doing this for him, okay? Not for you.”
There were so many lies in every last sentence you’d spoken, but you weren’t going to let that show now.
You opened the door again and waited for her to get up and walk past you.
“Did my dad call you? I told him not to worry, damn.” She said with a sigh, slightly irritated as you walked down the stairs.
“Wow, how nice of you, Cassie.” Your tone was so sarcastic that she looked at you questioningly. “Telling your dad not to worry, and then staying out on the street and not coming home for days? Man, that’s really considerate of you.”
You were already in the middle of the street when she spoke up.
“I really don’t need this right now.”
“Of course you don’t, Cassie.” You shouted, raising your voice and turning toward her, taking a step back toward her. “But that’s what you’re going to get, ok? You’re going to have to put up with me here and now because, unlike those idiots, I care about you, even if you clearly don’t care about that.”
She fell silent, and you felt a weight on your shoulders again, sighing and turning toward the streetlights with their dim glow.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I am—”
Cassie began to say, her voice coming out softer, as you started walking again and she followed your pace.
“We don’t need to do this, Cassie. It’s good enough that you’re leaving; save your words for your dad.”
She moved her tongue inside her mouth, as if biting back the words she wanted to say. You paid for her bus fare, and you remained silent during the short ride.
When you arrived at her house, Neil opened the door before you could knock. He sighed with relief; together with her mother, they hugged her and chatted briefly before Cassie was pushed inside the door by her mother, unable to say anything else to you.
Neil looked at you from across the street as they walked in; he came over to you and hugged you, tears in his eyes. “Thank you.”
“It’s okay.”
You weren’t quite sure how to react, but you appreciated the small gesture and patted him on the back the way he used to do with you. He sighed and wiped his eyes, stepping back.
“Want to come in? Are you hungry? Have some tea? I can make you something or take you home.”
Neil was clearly tired, probably exhausted from the day’s emotions, but he still wanted to thank you somehow.
“No, it’s okay, Mr. Neil, thank you.”
He nodded in agreement, and you smiled slightly. Before he went inside, he spoke in a louder voice so you could hear him.
“Let me know when you get home.”
And you did.
But you never talked to Cassie after that.
On graduation day, Neil gave you a hug and congratulated you; Cassie wasn’t in your line of sight, and you were already trying not to think about her anymore.
And it got easier after a while, but now with her right in front of you, in the middle of the hospital chaos—something you already hate simply because it’s a hospital—your stomach churned, and you had to turn toward the floor so you wouldn’t throw up on the hospital bed.
Perlah quickly helped you, and Ogilvie glanced briefly at Cassie; you hadn’t mentioned any issues with nausea, queasiness, or stomach pain, it was just your leg hurting too much.
But as soon as she walked in, it happened—once again, a physical reaction bringing you back to McKay.
She said your name in a very soft, gentle voice after you sat back up more comfortably, moving closer to the end of the bed. She stared at Ogilvie’s open computer screen displaying your medical history and continued speaking without looking at you.
“Do you still take your pain medication without eating first?”
You took a while to answer, not because you didn’t want to admit that you did that or anything medical, but because she remembered it and you didn’t know what to do with that information.
“Yeah.”
“Did you do that today?” You answered yes, and she nodded before finally looking at you.
Ogilvie watched the conversation with some curiosity, and when McKay stopped asking you questions and giving explanations, he asked, “Acquaintances?”
“Kind of.” It was the first non-medical thing you’d answer all day. Cassie turned her gaze back to you, and you weren’t sure what that meant.
It was a little while later that she came back into the room, looking at the tablet in her hands with the test results.
“You doing good?”
“Could be better.” Your voice came out a little low and hoarse; you stared at your feet, a thick bandage wrapped around your thigh and calf on your right leg.
She gave you a warm smile and moved herself to your side, checking the medicine that was going to your veins.
“I wish I could be seeing you under different circumstances.”
You mumbled, without really answering the question. “I never imagined you in medical school—that’s really cool, Cass.”
The nickname slipped out of your mouth almost automatically and seemed to hang there like a thread between you, slowly reconnecting you.
“Thanks.”
There’s a very noticeable silence between you, but it doesn’t bother you; it just hangs there, as if everything that needed to be said were being slowly carried away by the noise of the ER machines.
“There’s a high thc level in your test results.” She says after a while, looking at you carefully.
You remain silent, your eyes falling to the floor again with a small sigh. “Yeah, I really should have found a better way to meet you again, shouldn’t I?”
“No, it’s fine, I just didn’t expect to see you like this, at my work and—”
“I think you’re the only one who thinks that.”
“I doubt it; everyone used to talk about your potential all the time, how great you are.”
“That was before.” You tilt your head to the side, resting it on the pillow. “A lot has changed.”
“A lot can still change, then.”
Silence falls again, and she steps back slightly, running a hand through her hair as she considers her next words.
“You know... I’m sober now.” Your eyes turn to her at the same moment. “Nine years, six months, and counting.”
Your mouth opens slightly in surprise and your eyebrows rise before you speak. “That is wonderful, Cassie.”
It's like seeing the best outcome in front of your eyes, how the girl you liked so much during your school year is now a doctor in front of you, sober and happy, heathy, smiling like you've never seen before.
“I'm very happy for you. Really.” Your smile reaches your eyes. “Really that is- amazing news.”
She smiles kindly at you, not sure what to answer, when Perlah breaks the moment by checking in your leg and medicine, McKay leaves when her phone rings.
A few minutes later, she’s meeting her dad in the break room.
“What are you doing here? Is everything okay?” Neil smiles and raises his hands at his daughter’s worried tone.
“No worries, dear, I was just at an appointment upstairs and took the opportunity to bring you the phone Harrison left at home.”
She sighs in relief after hugging her father and heads toward the coffee machine, scratching her forehead.
“I thought he’d give you a hard time about this.” Neil chuckles as he sits down in one of the chairs; Cassie doesn’t respond, and he stares at her questioningly, clearly sizing her up. “Everything’s fine?”
McKay takes a moment to answer, as if thinking hard about what to say. When she says he wouldn’t believe who’s here and mentions your name, Neil seems happier about that than he is to see his daughter.
“Really? Really? like The- Oh my God, that is amazing, I think the last time was… I don't know, at your graduation? Wow.” He says smiling and nodding, but then realization comes in. “Wait, in the ER? Why? What happened?”
“You know it's doctor policy to not talk about it right?” She smiles warmly as she looks back at her father and takes a sip of the coffee.
“Put me in that room and I will hear every word you said as a doctor.” She laughs, it's true, you would probably tell Neil about your health if he asked you.
“We should have dinner.”
Her face changes at the same moment, looking at him with furrowed eyebrows.
“What?”
“You look down, Cassie.” he says kindly, scratching his chin. “Whatever happened… isn't it kind to just invite? Maybe it will be good for you to get back to good friendships or… relatio-”
“Stop.”
“I'm just saying.” He moves his hands up smiling a little and avoids her eyes, some things never really change. “Just think about it… I can't count the times you said how you wanted to talk again, get things right and clear, you two- it was… such an impact in your life, Cassie.”
There is a lot of fondness in his voice.
“That night could be get so bad if-”
“Don't go there.” She says as she puts the mug in the sink and crosses her arms.
“Sorry.” He sniffs a little and gets up, moving closer to her and patting her shoulder. “Just think about it, love, it’s good to get back sometimes.”
And he leaves her with a lot on her mind. When she has to come back to see you, she still doesn’t feel ready, but it’s her job, after all.
Cassie smiles at you as soon as she walks in, revealing the dimples you’d forgotten she had.
After a few test results and more boring hospital stuff that you’d probably ignore at some point, she says she’s going to get her discharge papers, but before she walks out the door.
“You… you know, I just saw my dad.” Her words make you look up in surprise. “You should come over to his place. For that dinner.”
You smile slightly at the sincere and surprising invitation.
“Do you still have that photo album?”
When you walk into the house you recognized from years ago, a little boy sitting on the couch glances at you over his shoulder, but quickly turns his attention back to the TV.
“You have a kid?” You look at Cassie and then back at the boy, searching for any resemblance.
Cassie looks at you and then at Harrison, who is completely engrossed in the cartoon.
“Well, yeah, I forgot to mention that.” She says, a little surprised at herself for having forgotten, not that you’d talked for very long, but still.
The truth is, she was so worried and anxious about you that she ended up not talking much about herself in those few minutes.
“I didn't know you were married.”
“No, I-”
And before Cassie could answer, Neil appeared from the kitchen, cleaning his hands with a towel.
“Divorced.” He smiled and nodded his head, keeping quiet for some seconds to make sure you understood what he said.
Cassie closed her mouth and bit her bottom lip, tilting her head to the side and sighing. Her father could be a little too bold sometimes. She whispered a ‘yeah, that…’ and put a hand behind her neck.
“Feeling better? Cassie said you showed up at the ER.”
“Yeah, yeah.” You spoke, smiling a little awkwardly at the conversation, and handed him a wrapped box, which he accepted with a smile.
“Of course, you brought something,” he smiled, holding the gift in his hands.
“Cheese,” you nodded and slipped your hands into your pockets. “I hope you still like it as much as I remembered.”
“Of course.” He smiled and took the things to the kitchen. “Come in, come in.”
A short time later, you were all sitting at the table having dinner: Cassie’s parents, her son, you, and her.
She watched you interact with the family as if you were that high school girl again, feeling something blossoming once more inside her chest.
But this time she would acknowledge those feelings.
It was a gentle conversation; they asked how you were doing, what you’d been up to lately, and what life was like in your new home, far from the neighborhood where you used to live.
And when Cassie's mother takes Harrison to tuck him in his bed, because of course, the greatest grandparents would have a little bedroom for him in their house, Neil leaves you two alone with the lie of needing to call someone urgently.
Cassie glances at him; she knows him and how he never has the urgency of calling someone if it's not his bingo night.
And by the way he has been behaving, the little comments about you, she knows it's just to leave you two alone. The whole night has been things like:
“Oh, I can't believe you are that close to that guy at the zoo. I saw him on the news. Harrison loves the zoo, right kid?”
“No, you don't have to worry about that, I'm sure we will have a lot more dinners that you can help with,” and then he glanced at Cassie and gave a little blink.
“Isn’t that near your workplace, Cassie? You guys must have almost run into each other a few times by now, right? How nice…”
And at some point, even her mom chimed in.
“Neil said how much he liked you. I couldn’t remember much about you, but it’s nice to get to know you again! You and Cassie were so sweet… I still have a lot of photos… of course, she didn’t like to take many, right, honey? But there are a few.”
And you even got to see some photos; it was sweet, seeing that Cassie you knew so well from years ago, and then turning to the side and noticing the same person, who wasn’t exactly the same person from the photos, she was so happy, so well, so beautiful, and clearly embarrassed by the family album.
And that just grew and continued; you started getting closer and closer, not just to Cassie, but to her family.
It's a night similar to your last talk when things change, when you are invited to dinner again, when you two are left alone because of a call that Neil needs to get another time.
When Cassie makes sure that you are getting your car safely at night again.
And the dim light of the light poles of her parents' street reminds the two of you of your last talk, the one you had before you took her home to her parents and then never talked again.
The breeze passes through your nose, leaving the point of it pink and cold. She looks at you with her arms crossed, trying not to let the wind and her feelings get the best of her.
But she remembers the words she bit, that night, years ago.
“I wish I could've said more to you.”
You turn to her, not inserting the car keys into your car, leaving your hand against the window of the driver's seat as you turn to look at her.
“I’m back here anyway.”
“That is nice.” The silence of the night and empty streets makes your heartbeat seem a little too loud. “You know, I… I'm really glad for who you were.”
“I'm still alive, Cassie.” She chuckles, nodding with her head as she caresses her own elbows with her arms crossed.
“It's not like that.” She moves her eyes up to you. “I never really said how glad I was for having you around, still after everything… I- How… You were very kind to my father and family.”
You smile, moving your eyes to your car and then back at her, leaning your back against your car now, a hand scratching your chin.
“I lied.” She looks at you, unsure of what you are talking about. “You know I didn't do it because of him… that day.”
She nods and starts to take little steps to get closer to you.
“I-” She opens her mouth and stops.
“I really did it for you.” You nod, you feel your neck shivering, it's colder than it is supposed to be. Cassie used to give you that, all the time, physical reactions from your emotions.
You’re standing very close together; you can see the zipper on her jacket fluttering in the wind and the way her dimples reappear. It’s even more beautiful than you thought it was.
“I know.” Her voice reaches your ears so softly, almost like a whisper.
“I am afraid I might like you more than what my body can handle, Cassie.”
“It’s okay.” Her voice continues soothing your chest, her hands go to your jacket, pulling the zipper up, and then resting her hand on your jawline, caressing your cheek with her thumb. “I have extra space for us in mine.”
And you throw yourself in her arms, quietly, she leans closer enough that you feel her hair against your face, you lift your chin slowly, your gaze finding her shiny eyes. She moves her mouth to leave a kiss on the side of your mouth before capturing your lips in an actual kiss. Then she puts her arms around your neck to pull you closer, and this time you only feel your heart ache for the right reasons.
I saw this scene, and the framing and her reaction struck w me sooo much, it made me think about Cassie having one of those moments when something terrible happens and you freeze in public, completely shutting yourself off, going inside your mind, but the world keeps moving around you, the world keeps spinning and doesn’t stop for your pain, no matter how much you beg for it. (I love getting dramatic here)
So a Reader who lands a fellowship in another city but doesn’t tell Cassie, yet she finds out anyway, right in the middle of the ER, through someone else`s mouth, amidst the chaos and intensity that never lets a doctor breathe properly.
Tags: Angst, Pure Hurt | WordC: 2.1k | Probably going to do another chapter to this because I'm too sad about this setting. (as if it is not my fault)
Sountrack: Lover, Please Stay - Nothing But Thieves (this one is so good i swear)
You've been with Cassie for a few months already, it’s a relationship that you keep private just because you two don’t like getting much attention, it is better like this, you don’t need people making jokes and all that comes from these types of situations at work.
“Looking good.” Dana smiles at you and nods as you leave, she says loud enough for you to hear as your footsteps get farther away to one of the hallways of the hospital.
Then her voice gets quieter, but not quiet enough; her next words reach Cassie’s ears easily as she's just getting close to the central nurse's station. She thought she could get you for a moment, but you didn`t see her.
And even if you did, she wasn't sure you would've stopped; you`ve been avoiding her like the plague lately, she didn`t know why, but she saw that increasing, the way you would talk about needing to check your patients or how you were behind charts and couldn’t catch some air or coffee with her.
The thing is, it was always about work.
A topic that you both know she would never contradict or argue about.
And that only made her even more conflicted.
“Such a shame when we lose good ones.” Dana nods in denial as she writes down something in her tablet that Cassie couldn’t care less right now.
“What do you mean?” She asks as she approaches the table, just a few steps closer, enough for the nurse to hear her, but not close enough for Dana to notice the confusion and care in her eyes.
“The fellowship.” Dana replies automatically, without bothering who she’s talking to about it.
“What?” This time, she doesn’t even try to hide the pain in her voice.
“I’m just saying it’s sad to lose good doctors; we always need people like that in the ER.” She replies, scratching her cheek and sighing as she looks up. “They always get the good jobs in those cities, though… this is probably the second one we’ve lost to-”
A fellowship. In another city. The rest of Dana’s words no longer mattered to her ears. You’re going to do a fellowship in another city and you didn’t even talk to her about it. How could Dana know and she didn’t? How was Dana talking as if it were a topic the whole department knew about and she still had no idea? She couldn’t wrap her head around how you could have let something so important slip your mind, it’s not something you’d forget that easily, and even if you might have forgotten to mention it today, during the hour you spent together before your shift started, you had surely received the confirmation and news before, long before, she knew how cautious you were; she knew how much you hated celebrating things before being sure they’d happen, let alone talking about them to people without knowing if they were confirmed.
So why the hell didn’t she know about this? Why was she hearing about it from Dana Evans and not from you?
“McKay, room 2.” Dana says this after Robby calls out to McKay as he heads toward one side of the gurney that had just been wheeled in by paramedics carrying an unstable patient.
Cassie stared at the white floor as if it were about to swallow her along with her problems; she stood frozen, able to hear the sound of the ambulances and people calling for her, but nothing made sense at that moment, and it seemed as though she were about to collapse.
Until you lightly nudge her shoulder and walk past, staring at her as you head toward the trauma room.
She takes quick steps toward the room and gets to work after your kind and unknowing touch.
Everything around you is urgent and loud, and you can see how her hands seem out of sync with the way she carries herself; she does everything on autopilot, the way she’s learned and knows so well, but at the same time, there’s a clear hesitation and uncharacteristic nervousness in Cassie. You know how good she is at what she does; she knows it, and everyone else knows it too, but now she looks like she’s about to stop breathing with every movement of her fingers.
It’s in a moment of urgency that Robby raises his voice and calls out to McKay again; the patient needs help, and she needs to do something. She quickly scans the room with dizzy eyes and moves with greater precision. And even after the patient’s condition stabilizes, the atmosphere in the room remains extremely tense.
“You froze in there.” Robby says to her as he tosses his gloves in the trash, seemingly unconcerned about doing this callout in front of everyone.
“I didn’t freeze.” Her voice is steady and if you didn't know her that well, you would be fooled by her demeanour right now.
“You hesitated.” You think about opening your mouth to say something, but he continues before you can bring yourself to do so. “We can’t have that in an ER, Doctor McKay, do you understand the implications of hesitation in your job?”
Robby leaves, another staff member walks by awkwardly, she leaves the room after a moment and you follow her as she almost leans against one of the hallway walls. You get closer and open your mouth for a moment, but you don’t say anything because she interrupts you.
“You don’t get to judge me.”
“I’m not judging you.”
“Well, it doesn't look so.” she answers. “I’m really trying to understand who you are lately, you know?”
You feel a ringing in your ears at those words; you know something else is coming, and you have no idea how you are going to handle it now.
“You’re leaving, aren’t you?”
Your mouth shut, you feel your breath getting struck on your throat in a way you never felt. Silence says everything; your silence says everything to her.
“You don't even deny…” her voice crackles. “You don't even-” she sighs and runs a hand through her hair.
“I got a fellowship in Detroit.”
“You didn’t tell me.” A telephone rang again and Dana yelled about a gunshot wound incoming. She moved before you could talk.
“We’ll finish this later.”
“No. We won’t.” she answers before you can finish your last word,
“I didn’t want to make it a thing.”
“Oh please.” She says in disbelief and sighs. Another trauma rolls in, another gurney coming in, and this time Cassie seems like she wants to go back to work, like she needs to keep her mind busy and not think about you.
You follow her anyway. It is quiet at first between the two of you as she starts doing CPR on a patient; you can see how tense she is.
“Switch.” She seems like she wants to argue, just to contradict you, but given the circumstances, she just exchanges glances with you without saying a word; well, you can tell that the look she gives you says a lot tho. “You know I-”
“You didn’t want to talk about this before, and we’re definitely not going to do it now.” She doesn’t even look at you as she cuts you off, and Nurse Jesse stares at you both with a question mark floating above his head. “V-fib. Charge.”
You open your mouth, and she stares at you, trying hard to keep things professional, but you seem to be making things too complicated for her right now.
Everything slowly stops working and you two stand there breathing hard.
She pronounces the time of death, nodding in denial as she puts her gloves in the trash again and leaves.
You follow her one more time as she gets out to the ambulance bay, Cassie knows you are following, but she doesn’t look back.
“You’re moving out and you didn’t think it would be nice to tell me? When were you going to tell me?” She says this as she suddenly turns to face you, standing far enough from the doors so as not to block the way. You can see how her breath is making her struggle to say the words, how she is fighting herself to keep her professional composure. “Were you even planning to tell me? Or was I just going to find out when I got here one day and saw the break room decked out for a farewell party for you? Or were you going to try something more romantic, like a cheesy send-off at the airport?”
“I tried to tell you.”
“Oh, really? Like how? Dismissing me to avoid talking about it? Waiting for me to read your fucking mind and literally ask about a fellowship in Detroit so you could answer? I can`t be the only honest one in this.“
And you realized that she meant something more by that. It wasn’t just about the fellowship; it was about the two of you.
“I found out yesterday.“
“You applied months ago.” Somehow, this is the most hurtful phrase you hear from her. maybe because of the way she looks at you as she says it, how her hand go behind her neck to scratch it, the gesture you know so well that she does when she is anxious and needs to soothe herself down.
“Yeah.” You nod, having to move your eyes out of her face because you still have a shift to finish. “It’s one year.”
She chuckles without any humor, like you just told a bad and hurtful joke.
“Don’t say like you plan on coming back.”
There is a big moment of silence between you; the only sounds are from the hurtful and faithful environment. She knows how big that city is, how one thing leads to another, and how opportunities rise in these places.
Cassie doesn’t feel like it is fair, in any way, that you didn’t tell her and that she is so mad that you are leaving, it is such a huge thing after all, it`s your work, your job, your life, your accomplishments. But she can`t contain it, she can`t stop herself from feeling this way at this moment.
“When do you leave?”
“Two weeks.”
“Fuck.” The word slips through her mouth and she sighs, moving her head again, one hand going to her forehead, she looks like she could break at any point, and you know you are the cause for it. “You didn’t even had the guts to tell me.”
When you move a little closer, as your hands want to reach her, but your mind is telling you that you don’t deserve it, she takes a step back, and you understand that Cassie also thinks that way.
“You think that little of me?” Her voice is shaky, and you can clearly notice how watery her eyes are. “Of us?”
“Of course not.”
“Then act like it.” The ER doesn’t sound so loud in the back of your ears right now; it is like the world blurs for the wrong reasons. “Ask me to go with you even if you know it is not possible and selfish. Talk like you are making plans to visit me, even if it's far away, even if it won`t happen, say about hockey games you think Harrison would like so much to watch there, just like he does here with you. Talk to me like you want me around for as long as you can have me.”
When she starts, you know you will need more than just a minute to be able to finish your shift today.
“You should`ve just… Kept loving me the same way, to make me want to go running through that stupid airport to look at your eyes for one last time as you entered the plane.” She doesn`t try to hide how hard she is fighting not to cry and people around don`t even dare to look at her and you; it is like they understand how shaken your worlds are right now. “Why did you drift apart like this? When you knew it could be our last weeks together. Why did you make it this way? I could`ve loved you so much more.”
Cassie dwells on what she could have done, as if it weren't just your mistake not to have told her, but as if she could have done so much more; She is grieving what you two could`ve enjoyed, even with broken promises of a love that would not come back.
“I’m so sorry, Cassie.”
She nods in denial, her eyes not on you as she breathes loudly, she feels like she needs to get her shit together and it only makes it worse when you hear her page beeps.
“Me too.” She moves her palms against her face, taking out the pain and sadness and clearing her throat to look better before passing through you without saying anything more.
And you watch her leave again without saying anything again. One more goodbye. Another broken farewell.
You don’t have to be covered in blood to deserve a warm bath.
Summary | Cassie arrives home feeling terrible, and you offer her support with a very mundane activity: taking a shower.
CW | Tags: hurt/comfort, brief mention of od (not from cassie), brief implicit mention about unspecified traumas from the past. | WordC: 5.4k
Soundtrack | I will by Mitski
I once saw a post about how Cassie held herself so strong and had been getting through so many things alone, so she would enjoy having someone to just lead things, I think it was about mcvadi and more about a sub/dom dynamic, but it stuck with me very much, the way she may enjoy to have someone else to just hold her world for a moment.
Note | I thought about doing this more angst and making Cassie have bruises about some heavy work injury, but it felt like this would give the wrong idea, that someone would only (or should) get this type of care when or because they were physically hurt.
But as one of my favorite poems goes “You don’t have to die to matter. / You don’t have to be covered in blood to deserve a warm bath.” (via athenes_poems) so let's stick with the idea of being in someone else's arm just because you can, just because they let you.
It's almost nine o'clock at night, calm music fills your and Cassie's apartment, the melody coming from the record player you gave her on one of your anniversaries. It was a beautiful dark red, you didn't know if it was her favorite color or if you just associated it so much with her that she started to consider it her favorite color.
You remember when you went out to look for vinyl records (even though the record player had a usb port, it wasn't the same thing…) at thrift stores downtown. It was one of the coolest dates you've ever had, in your opinion, even though you left with only a few records and you had to work overtime to pay for them. It was really cool to remember how she showed you a bunch of artists you had no idea who they were, and she tried to guess from your facial expression whether you knew them or not. Most of the time you didn't, but it was fun to pretend you knew what she was talking about, and the way she gestured and talked excitedly when she found out you didn't know, how she tried to explain who they were or talked about facts and gossip about them if she knew enough about the artists' lives.
At that moment, the only thing that seemed to occupy and worry your mind a little was that she should have been home by now.
You knew Cassie well, you were somewhat aware of the things she had been through, she didn't open up about everything, she didn't share all the details and information about what she had to endure and face in the past, what she carried heavily in her heart and tried to bury as much as possible.
However, what you knew was enough to make you worry from time to time.
Like when you looked at her and she was staring out the window as if she were no longer here, like when her words began to cease and her tone softened as soon as her son walked out the door and she no longer felt the need to pretend, you could pick up on these little moments of her, little moments that filled your chest with worry and anxiety.
Lately, things seemed normal, or at least Cassie was managing to fool you very well.
Cassie came home tired, way more than the usual normal tiredness of a day of work, you don't notice from the sound, the way she is quieter, how tense she looks, she usually was able to decompress as soon as she got home and sat down on the couch.
But today was different, she stayed at the front door, against the small doorframe.
You heard her coming inside from the bedroom, but didn't know she was still at the doorframe or that she was feeling so down.
She slowly closed the door and just stood there, staring down at the floor. Her eyes unfocused, her shoulders slumped. This was so unlike her. And she knew it.
Normally, she came home and immediately dropped all sense of responsibility and let herself rest. But today was different. Today, the memories and worries haunted her even in this familiar and safe space.
You walk out of the bedroom, humming softly while on your phone, still unaware of Cassie's state. You spot her frozen at the doorframe and immediately stops mid-step, the playful smile fading into concern quickly.
"Cass? You okay?" Your voice drops softer, quieter, like you are approaching something fragile, like a little bird with a broken wing on the ground.
You don't rush to touch her, just tilts your head slightly, watching her face as you get close to where she stands.
She takes a moment to register your voice before she finally looks up at you with weary eyes, no smile, no sign of relief to be home, just exhaustion.
She takes a shuddering breath, her shoulders sagging even more. "Yeah... Yeah, I'm fine." she mumbles.
The lie is so blatant, it hangs awkwardly between you two, she avoids your eyes again, staring at a point on the floor.
You know her, you know her enough to understand that at least something is wrong, you may not understand what right now, but you know it is wrong.
One thing about Cassie was that she didn't know what relaxed her body. Of course, she understood that eating when her stomach growled calmed her down, that taking a shower after a tiring day at work calmed her down, but everyone did that.
Cassie didn't know what it was like to be comfortable in her own body, not lately, having carried so much baggage and trauma throughout her life, she had disconnected from her body and didn't know what else made that shell relax and calm down. It was strange, she felt strange for not knowing her own comfort, she only knew about medical things, medical procedures to calm down and stitches to put in deep cuts.
"Tough day, my dear?" Your voice comes out kindly, trying to sooth her with the tone.
One hand goes to touch some strings of hair that were falling down against her face.
She flinches, just slightly, when your fingers brush against her hair, normally, she’d lean into your touch, sighing happily at the affection, but today, she tenses again, her jaw tightening, like she is afraid to melt down and let the pieces of herself that she glued too quickly today fall on the ground if you touch her.
"Just tired." she murmurs, shifting her weight as if debating whether to step away or stay put, there’s a quiet panic in her eyes, just like in yours now, but she doesn’t pull away completely, it’s like she’s fighting herself.
"Are you sure? Is everything alright?” You mutter a little tense after noticing her movements and expression. "You can talk to me."
Her throat tightens.
For a moment, she just looks at you like she’s weighing whether she can trust this moment, if she can let herself this open, but then her voice cracks, barely above a whisper, reaching your ears so low that you can't hide the worry in your expression.
"No…it’s not alright." She confesses, swallowing hard, fists clenching at her sides like she is complaining to herself about opening up with you. "It was hard… and a patient today, he moved too fast, grabbed my wrist and there was someone who- a younger woman, barely on her twenties that had an od- and- she was just so-"
She cuts herself off, shaking her head, she can't even say it.
The unspoken words hang heavy between you, you know it's something that can happen, aggressive patients, emergency room is the most prominent place for things like this. It occurred to her a few times, a number that you could count with your hands, at least from the ones she told you, the ones that bothered her more, today seemed different, heavier.
"I see." You nod as you listen to her, your hand moving just a little against the strings of her hair, understanding that this is way more than just a rough day.
She is thinking about way more than just today, about the past and how her shift reminded of many things she experienced.
"Are you in pain? Is it still hurting?"
It's like you are asking to carry some of her pain, at least it is what you are thinking, it's what you wish to say, but you don't do it because you know it may frighten her. Still, you do put the weight of your silent and not said out loud words in your voice tone, between the lines when you use usual words of care that doesn't hold the amount of weight that ‘let me help you with it, let me put this on my shoulders too, let me put you in my arms and drag you with me upwards, no matter how high, I can take some of it, I can carry, please let me carry it.’ would have if you spoke out loud.
And as if that's the exact permission she needed, just another question, just the exactly right concerned, patient and lovely voice tone, just another word to make sure you are still with her even with her difficult to open up, to speak about what bothers and aches, she crumbles against you, a broken exhale escaping her as she wraps her arms around you tightly. Her body is taut, tense, you can feel it, but she burrows her face in the crook of your neck, taking a shuddering breath as if trying to ground herself in your scent, in the safe feeling that your presence brings right now.
You move your hands in the same moment she hugs you, moving them to caress the back of her head and her back, hugging her tightly like it will make things get back in the right places with only your touch.
"I feel like such a mess.” She mutters into your shoulder, her voice crackles. "It's stupid. It was just an angry patient, just work, it was nothing… it happens, but-”
"It's ok, my love, it is ok to still feel like this, there is no problem in feeling bad about things you thought you already healed."
She shudders against you, a low sound caught between a sob and a sigh. Her fingers dig into your back as if holding on for dear life.
"I thought I was over this," she whispers, her voice thick with emotion. "All those years, and yet… it's work, you know? I'm supposed to be stronger than this."
"You are not supposed to be more or less, Cass." You reassure her, your fingers still holding her like she is made of glass.
You can feel the way she almost scratches your back with her fingers, the way it almost digs through your shirt, You can feel the way she is almost desperate for comfort.
"It's ok to feel bad, it's ok to not feel like you are strong all the time." You murmur as you press herself more against you.
She puts so much pressure on herself, you know that, you know that there are many times when she doesn't feel strong enough, even though you're sure she is.
She lets out a slow, shaky breath against your shoulder, fingers gradually loosening their grip, not pulling away, but softening, trusting.
"Okay." she murmurs, the word muffled against your skin. Then, quieter, more hesitant. “Don’t let go yet."
Her arms tighten around you again, not desperate this time, but needing, like she’s finally letting herself take what she’s been afraid to ask for. Help. Care. Love. Comfort. All of the above and more.
"I won't." You reassure her again. "We can keep her as long as you want."
You give a small kiss on top of her head, your fingers sliding carefully on her hair again. You think about what you are able to do right now, considering the strong faucet she always puts on.
"I can prepare you a warm bath, what do you think? Then we can maybe get that sushi you like if you are hungry."
A warm bath and her favorite sushi, she thinks you know her so well, it almost makes her want to sob again. She nods against your chest before finally tilting her head back to look at you.
There's something so raw and vulnerable in her eyes, a mixture of exhaustion and fragility that you rarely get to see. She swallows hard, a mix of emotions playing across her face.
"That sounds perfect," she whispers. "Just... just don't leave me alone right now, alright?"
Your heart shrinks at her words.
"I won't leave you, Cassie, you don't need to worry about it." You breathe deeply against her. “I am here with you."
She nods again, the words seeming to sink in a little more. She pulls back to look at you, her fingers still gripping at the fabric of your shirt.
"I'm sorry," she mumbles, a hint of self-deprecation in her voice. "I feel pathetic, falling apart like this, you must think that I-"
It's a statement, not a question. She's used to being strong, independent, in control. And right now, she feels... anything but that.
And you cut her off before she can continue.
"Don't say that. Why would you say that?" You ask almost in awe at what she said, unsure of how she could think so little about herself right now.
It's definitely not her usual.
"I would never think that, Cassie, don't say that." Your tone is kind, but also very stern right now, to make sure she understands you would never belittle her, no matter how vulnerable she gets with you she will always be a strong amazing person in your eyes. "Why don't we go together to prepare your bath? I will stay with you, would you mind that?"
She looks away briefly, her lip catching between her teeth, a nervous habit, before she exhales and nods.
"Yeah." she murmurs, her voice quieter now, softer. Less guarded, she appreciates how you moved on from the talk. "Thank you."
She lets go of your shirt but keeps her hand hovering near yours, her fingers twitching slightly, like she's still not sure if she's allowed to ask for comfort outright.
She’s trying, though; and that’s enough for you.
You notice it, her hand, you hold her and doesn’t let go of as you lead her toward the bathroom, her grip is firm after you hold her palm, like she’s reassuring herself you are still there.
Her steps are slow, deliberate. Every movement is careful, measured, as if she’s relearning how to trust the space around her. Even if she is in her own house.
And when she finally glances at you again, her expression is painfully vulnerable, like she is asking an unspoken don't let me drown right now.
You practically guide her to sit at the closed toilet, your thumb caressing her hand before you let it go so you can turn on the water and prepare her bath.
You never really understood the thing about bathtubs, about using them to calm down and relax, but you always knew very well how Cassie seemed to enjoy them, especially after a hard day.
She watches silently as you move around the bathroom, her eyes following your every move with a mix of vulnerability and a strange sense of fascination. There's a quiet appreciation in her gaze, as if she's seeing you in a different light.
Usually, she's the one taking care of others, her patients, her son, anyone, but right now, there's a surreal quality to this moment, watching you set up her bath with such tender care.
When the water is finally at the right temperature and sudsy, she speaks up softly. "Can you..."
You are kneeling on the ground at the side of the bathtub as you put her favorite shampoo scent and things on the lower shelf. You move your eyes to her quietly, your hand wet from testing the water temperature.
"Yes?" You nod to her, reassuring that she can keep going.
"Can you help me with my shirt?"
Her voice is so soft, it almost falters. There's a trace of embarrassment on her face, like she can't believe she's asking for something as intimate as help undressing. It goes against her usual self-reliance, but the vulnerability in her eyes is clear.
She fidgets a little, shifting her weight as she waits for your response.
And you feel like you could cry at the sight of her like this, how it looks like she needed so much strength to ask for that, something so simple and that you would do without questioning her, yet, it seems like she used all of her strength to speak, to ask you for it.
"Of course, I can." You murmur as you get up, moving closer, You will definitely be sticking around now.
When you are in front of her, you knee down again, you don't even ask her or wait for her to request for help again. You know she is fighting a lot to just ask the basics so the more you can do without her needing to feel embarrassed for asking, the better it is.
You take her feet in your hands, pressing them slightly against your tights so you can carefully take off her socks.
She lets out a shaky breath as you gently remove the fabric, her gaze lingering on your face. There's relief in her eyes, a silent appreciation for your understanding without needing an explanation.
The action itself is incredibly mundane, but it feels incredibly intimate given the circumstances; as you move your hands to her waistband, her hand finds your wrist, gentle but firm.
"Wait." she murmurs, eyes downcast.
You stop yourself as you look up and then get up at the same moment, maybe she doesn't want help with that or changed her mind, you won't question either way, your eyes attentive to her, waiting for whatever she has to say, waiting to do what she needs if she needs.
She swallows hard, her eyes finally meeting yours. She looks so small right now, vulnerable in a way that no one else gets. The tough-as-nails doctor stripped down, bared and fragile at your feet.
"Please…" she whispers, almost pleading. "Just… no talking. For now. Can we just do this… silently?"
There's a desperate note in her voice, a need to escape words and explanations. She just wants to be close, to feel you without the weight of conversation and heavy talks.
And you are not bothered by it, you understand, you know how much she enjoys quality time, to just stick around while you two are on your own worlds, maybe just with your feet or legs tangled slightly in the couch as you pass through your phone in silence and she watches TV or even takes a nap.
Just some comfort to know you are together without the need of speaking. It's calm and easy. It's pure appreciation and endearment.
"Of course we can, Cassie." Her name sounds so tender in your mouth, so full of caring and pure love. “Just let me know if it gets too much ok? Me being here or if I'm doing too much with my hands and helping you in ways you don't want and-"
You start to mumble a little too much, afraid, not wanting to mess up with her or make her uncomfortable in such a moment.
She exhales sharply, almost a laugh, though it's not out of amusement, more like exhaustion and fondness tangled together.
"You…" she murmurs, shaking her head slightly. "Always worried."
She reaches out and presses her palm against your cheek, rough from exhaustion but gentle in touch.
"You're not going to mess anything up, it is okay." Then, quieter. "Just stay with me."
"I can do that." You mutter smiling kindly at her and moving to knee down in front of her again.
One hand stays on top of her knee, feeling the fabric of the scrubs against your fingers.
"Tell me when you are ready." You move your gaze to her again, waiting for permission. "And then we will be quiet."
Her eyes flutter shut as your hand touches her knee, a small shudder running through her. She doesn't speak yet, but the tension visibly melts from her shoulders, just a hint of the weight of the day slipping away.
After a few seconds, she finally nods, taking a slow, deep breath. “Ok.”
It's a single word, but it feels so loaded, like an invitation to enter a private, intimate world of trust and closeness without any more words.
You nod at her, a half little smile to her, trying to bring comfort before you move your eyes out of her face to untie the little string of her pants.
She tenses slightly when your fingers move to the waistband of her scrubs again, not out of discomfort, but habit, reflex. Maybe the years of learning to flinch at touches she didn’t anticipate, afraid of things she shouldn't have to be.
But then, slowly, she forces herself to relax, because she knows it's just you, she knows you are a safe harbour and the safest place she would crawl to if needed, she would (and is at the moment) fight herself to get to you.
She exhales deliberately as she sinks deeper into the moment, her fingers twitch against her thighs like she wants to reach for you but isn’t sure if she should.
She’s trying, it's difficult, it's just a hard day, you know it's, it's not like this all the time, most of the time actually, you know how she loves to touch you, how she loves to be around, the physical touch, how she always slide her fingers against the back of your bare neck, just to soothe you and herself, it's calming for the both of you.
You move your eyes to her and just gesture with your hand for her to move a little up so you can pull her pants down, it would be easier with words, you know it, but you don't mind keeping quiet, you don't mind doing in the way she is more comfortable with.
Even if it's in silence.
She obliges wordlessly, lifting her hips just enough for you to pull the pants down. It's an almost mechanical movement, but in her eyes you can see the silent effort it takes to surrender control.
Once the fabric is off, she sinks back down, her gaze on you a mix of trepidation and trust. The vulnerability is more obvious now, her scrubs replaced by just the upper part and underwear.
You get up again, moving to put the pants with the dirty clothes and getting back in front of her. You wait for her to move her arms up to help her take off her upper scrubs and the undershirt too; When she lifts her arms, you toss it on top of her other discarded clothes and you finish pulling off.
She's bared and vulnerable now, and there's a subtle tremble in her hands, whether from the cool air or something else, you can't be entirely sure, you notice it, but you don't comment, your eyes wander a little around her body before you crouch a little down to her side to hold her waist close to you.
You know she can get up by herself, you know she can walk properly and take her clothes off alone.
But you are not thinking too much about what she can do right now, just what she wishes to do.
You nod slightly towards the bathtub, waiting for her to be ready.
There's a brief moment where she looks like she wants to protest, to assert herself as independent, as strong enough, but then she catches the look in your eyes.
Soft, but not pitiful.
And her resolve fades.
Instead of speaking, she merely nods back silently, allowing herself to be supported as you get her up and guide her towards the bathtub.
When you get closer enough, you move to pull her underwear down, she moves her feet a little up just so you are able to toss towards the little pile of dirty clothes again.
You get up, moving to face her back to undo her bra, your hands touching her very softly and she exhales in relief, letting the straps slide down her shoulders before letting the fabric fall away completely.
The water is warm when she steps into the tub, her movements slow, deliberate. The moment she sinks down into the bath, she lets out a sigh, relief, exhaustion, surrender all rolled into one.
She closes her eyes and leans back, and for the first time tonight, she looks almost peaceful.
Still silent, but no longer suffocating in it. Not alone anymore.
You watch her for a moment before sitting on the ground, one of the sides of your body resting against the cold ceramic, just so you can be looking at her, still close, sitting at her side as she calms her mind and body in the warm water.
Your eyes move a little towards the shelf you prepared, the purplish products, lavender, you remember when you were in a street fair, with a lot of crafts and she noticed a little tent of an old lady that smiled so much at her, she was selling things with scents, anything related: candles, soaps, shampoos, perfumes, she told Cassie she did everything by hand with some help of her children and family.
Cassie was very entertained, very kind towards her, the lady complimented her clothes and said she had the prettiest eyes she had seen that day, she asked for pictures of Harrison when she said she also had a kid and when Cassie showed her the lock screen of her cellphone with a picture of you Harrison and her, the lady’s eyes drifted to you, being aware that you are with her now and it's not another costumer, she said how lucky you were to be with such a woman.
And you felt lucky and you still feel the same way.
You remember how Cassie said she loved the way lavender smelled and you bought her the candle she liked that day, but the next fair you went alone and bought every single item that the lady had of lavender scent and you've been getting it since then, not only with the lady, but everywhere you see and look and notice.
And now the products are staring at you, against the dim light of the bathroom, well, the only light source right now it's from the hallway that gets through the open door. You hadn't turned the lights on when you got Cassie here. Sometimes the brightness doesn't help to calm down.
Your fingers curl around the bottle of lavender-scented bath oil and as you pour a small amount into the water, the scent blooms gently in the air between you.
Cassie breathes in deeply, her shoulders loosening further, the tension unraveling with each slow inhale.
She doesn’t open her eyes, but her lips twitch, almost a smile. Gratitude. The silence isn’t heavy.
She feels your gaze on her, she cracks open one eye, just a sliver, to peek at you. There’s no fear there now. No hesitation.
Just exhaustion, but beneath it, it's soft, fond and endearing.
Her hand lifts from the water, dripping slightly, before she reaches for your wrist. Her fingers curl around it loosely, resting there for a moment as her thumb caress your skin, before she lets go again, sinking back into the warmth.
For the first time tonight, she looks like she’s home.
And she’s letting herself stay in it.
The words stay in your mouth, You won't talk, but you wonder, so you move yourself to her side, looking at her back again, your hands going up close to her neck, so you can undo her braid and let even her hair rest right now.
She lets her head fall forward easily, allowing you unfettered access to her damp hair. There's something incredibly intimate about the way she trusts you to touch her like this and you know, right now, it's a lot and you accept with open arms.
As you work softly, unraveling the braid one lock at a time, she exhales slowly, the sound a small sigh of contentment.
The last tendrils of her hair pool in the water like silky feathers, dark and smooth against the warm foam.
She looks peaceful and safe, your fingers drift softly against the strings, kindly caressing as your hands move down, stopping close to her shoulder.
Your eyes drift to the side of her face that you can see from this angle. She leans into the touch, just slightly, so subtle that if you weren’t already watching, you might have missed it.
Her lashes flutter, her breath steady and slow.
A small shift. A quiet tilt of her head towards you, just enough to let you know she’s still here, still with you.
You touch her shoulder gently, just brushing your thumb against her wet skin, caressing for a moment before you stop, unsure about it.
She notices the hesitation, the subtle change in your touch.
Her eyes open, just a bit, to look at you; a soft, inquisitive crease between her brows.
Your mouth opens slightly, like you are ready to ask what she means by her eyes, but you don't want to be the one to break the silence.
You move your thumb again, slowly against her skin, you lean a little closer, enough to place a small kiss against her shoulder and her eyes slide shut almost instantly, a deep shiver rolling through her at the touch of your lips against her shoulder.
It’s such a simple gesture, but there’s a deep craving in the way her body responds to you right now. Like a sunflower bending towards the sun, desperate for its warmth.
One hand moves from the rim of the tub and finds yours, her fingers curling around your wrist gently.
Your other hand passes behind her and picks the shampoo bottle, you look at her, asking for a silent permission.
She doesn’t even open her eyes this time, simply nodding yes at your unspoken request as she lets go off your wrist. It’s like she doesn't even need words anymore; she trusts you to know exactly what she wants.
If you weren't sure before, you know now, she trusts you to take care of her. She leans back further in the tub, making it easier for you.
Waiting. You pick the bottle with your hands, opening up and pouring some in one of them before putting the bottle back and applying it on the top of Cassie's head.
You use all of your fingers, curling on the top of her head, letting the shampoo slide down as the point of your fingers massages her scalp.
She lets out a soft, low sound at that, it's part sigh, part moan, and there's a deep relief to it, like she's letting go of every last bit of tension in her body, little by little.
She practically melts back into the touch, her muscles going boneless as your fingers work the shampoo into her hair, sliding through the strands, gentle and soothing, like a caress you always do to her unconsciously when you are going to cuddle together.
And she's soaking it up every bit of comfort you're giving her.
It doesn't take long for you to fully clean her head, putting your open palm against her forehead when pouring water to wash the product off so it wouldn't fall in her eyes.
She notices the kindness in your act, the little things that you think and do.
You press a small kiss on her cheeks after you finish taking off the conditioner. She leans into the kiss instinctively, her eyes fluttering shut at the tender touch.
When your lips leave her cheek, she turns her head just slightly, chasing after the contact like a cat seeking attention. It's such an endearingly needy gesture; the small, wordless plea for more.
When her eyes open again, they're warm, filled with unspoken appreciation. She looks... almost dazed, relaxed, contented, at ease. It's a far cry from the tightly-wound woman you found when she came home today.
And right now, after such long minutes in silence, since the music stopped a long time ago, you don't feel so unsure about opening your mouth and breaking the silence.
"Is it better, my love?" You whisper, almost not breaking the silence.
She looks up at you, her eyes fluttering at the sound of your voice, a small, pleased sigh escaping her.
Her voice is soft when she responds, almost hushed, as if this moment is fragile. Too precious to be shattered.
"So much better."
There's genuine emotion there, a depth to the simple words that speaks volumes. She's not just talking about the bath. She's talking about this. The silence, the touch, the comfort.
You got a nine to five so I will take the night shift.
Thinking about a new younger Intern Reader who drunkly calls their favorite resident Cassie Mckay in the middle of the night and confesses through a voice mail.
Because they kissed one time, when Cassie was standing outside the restaurant the new (and even old) crew practically begged her to join in after a shift, it was a moment of reckless behavior as she still thinks, the night and the lights were making things look more beautiful and simple as they should, it is slow and very tender, they both feel somehow peaceful and out of breath when if happens, but she leaves quickly after, not even saying a properly goodbye to everyone, just passing through you to catch her keys and bag inside.
When she gets her mind to think right the next day she puts you in a corner and says she is sorry, how that can't happen anymore, how imprudent it was, she feels guilty for a lot of things, because she is responsible for you in your work, because she is older than you.
"I know you said this shouldn't happen, doctor, but- how can I-" you mumble drunkly against the phone while walking around your apartment and then you stop because your mind tries to make you think straight and notice how wrong this is and feels, but you continue because now that you tasted her lips how are you supposed to keep going like it is not the best thing and how do you even avoid the thought of wanting to do it again.
The next day it's filled with tension and Cassie pulls you somewhere just like when she did when she broke the things you two didn't even start and says how inappropriate that is and how you shouldn't be saying those things and what the fuck do you even mean by not being able to forget her now that you have seen her.
Things get bad, it's tense and strange as the days go by and when you notice you are asking to work at night shift (or even do double shifts to overwork and not think) just to avoid her.
And you start to drift apart from the colleagues you started to get used to and being friends with. One day Dana catches you in the middle of a change of shifts and says how she kind of misses you around and invites you to her birthday barbecue.
It's the first time you actually see a lot of the day shift outside work and more than just the minutes between the changes and rounds.
And you see Cassie, she comes to ask about you when you were in the kitchen, alone, picking something to eat, she is so unsure of any words she might try to say and it's such an uncomfortable silence that you two have no idea how to properly get away with it.
She asks how you are doing, if the night shift is alright, if you are adapted already, she doesn't say that she heard how you were complaining about how tiring it is, how she can see your eye bags.
And bitter words comes out of your mouth, because why would she care right now about you? You regret immediately, you feel stupid, unfair, because deep down you know she had every right to dismiss you.
Dana interrupts for a moment sensing the tension and saying that people were calling you back outside because they want to ask about one of the nights cases that was a little too crazy to believe.
And when you pass through Dana to get out, she asks if Cassie is fine and it's answered with a sigh and a too low "yeah."
Maybe you end up cussing at each other in the parking lot on a random night begging wet by that purple rain, she says how childish you are, how you don't understand the weight of the consequences of your own acts and how complicated it is.
And you turn to her in soaking wet scrubs, moving your hands up, giving up and listening to her with tears on your eyes because why are you so emotional, why are you still so shaken up by her.
She says how you are so inside of your own head and the resentment that you feel towards her, the shame of wanting and not having that you are not thinking clearly and are drifting apart from the people who care for you.
And you ask if she is one of those people who actually cares for you, because the more you try to run away from her the closer and behind you she gets, to ask how you've been, to try to notice you.
And she can't answer.
Because of course she cares but is it in the way that you want?
Is she just guilty and ashamed for wanting you the same way despite all the things she believes is wrong between the dynamics of you or she just cares for you but not in the way you wish she did?
“You aren't his parent, so I don't know why you are acting like this.” Cassie Mckay X “Yeah, because it's so easy to date someone with a kid.” Reader
WordC: 4k
Tags: hurt/comfort.
Cassie had a terrible day yesterday, you knew how tired and irritated she was, so you invited her to sleep at your place since you could help her a bit, like with dinner and even taking care of Harrison. She accepted, still unsure after a while, but you managed to convince her after some time.
You built a pillow fort for Harrison on the living room floor, Cassie was still sleeping on your couch, you had spent almost the entire night watching movies that Harry picked and that he occasionally asked questions to make sure you two were paying attention, his mother responded with murmurs, more asleep than awake, but you tried your best to pay attention, even tho you were very tired.
You smile at them and feel extremely comforted and at peace after a long time without it when you wake up and remembers who is with you. You get up slowly, putting Cassie's foot carefully on the couch, and move to your bedroom as you yawn, you didn’t have a really good night on that couch, but you feel alright, at least for now, you will probably have some back and neck pain later.
You pick another blanket and get back to the living room, putting it over Harrison and then slowly over Cassie so she doesn't wake up to cuss at you. She barely stirs as you tuck the blankets around her. In sleep, she looks so much younger, the harsh edges of her usual sharp gaze and tight jaw gone, relaxed and almost soft. Her now dark hair has come out of its braid in messy tangles around her face and her mouth is slightly parted, her breathing deep and even. As she shifts slightly toward you, you notice the shadows under her eyes, a clear sign of her lately exhaustion at everything.
You know it has been difficult lately, the weight of work, the need to increase the number of shifts worked to pay for a lawyer since she was in a legal battle again for custody of her son, trying to keep everything as it was and staying well or at least trying to appear well for her son. She also tried to appear fine for you, trying to lie about how she felt and how she was, but you already knew enough to read between her lines.
It doesn't take long for them to finish the breakfast you prepared, they had woken up late, even you did if you compare to your usual wake-up time, so the schedule was a bit tight for Harrison to go to school.
“Are you ready, Harrison?” Cassie asks, taking a sip of her coffee.
Harrison nods through a mouthful of cereal. "Mhm!"
Cassie glances at the clock and quickly drains the last of her coffee. "Yeah, we should get moving." She nudges Harrison's shoulder lightly. "Finish up, kiddo."
There's no real urgency in her tone, you notice how she's still tired, but she's clearly determined to push through it.
"I need to put gas in my car." You say as you keep your eyes stern at her, neutral. "I can take him if you want."
You suggest, but just because you are going to do something else, well, something else that you just invented, but it is because she would cut you off again if you just suggested taking him.
Cassie bristles a little at the suggestion, instinctively defensive, as usual, but she also looks a bit weary, the strain of her tiredness clearly taking its toll. A part of her longs to just let someone else take the reins and duties for once.
She hesitates for a second, then sighs and nods. "Fine. Take him. It` be helpful."
She doesn't like admitting it, but she knows she needs the rest. Harrison nods enthusiastically, his mouth still full of cereal. He grins at you, clearly thrilled at the prospect of spending more time with you.
“Is that fine with you, little man?”
"Yeah!"
Cassie watches the exchange with an unreadable expression before glancing at the clock again.
"Alright, kiddo. Go brush your teeth." She orders gruffly, ruffling his hair as he dashes off toward the bathroom.
Then she turns to you, hesitating for a brief moment before adding. "Thanks."
"No problem." You give her a small smile as I go put the plates on the sink. "I will catch him some clothes in the living room cabinet."
You say with your hands in the sink, you may have gotten over yourself, maybe a little too enthusiastic when you started going out more frequently with Cassie and when you knew he would come to your house.
So you kind of ended up buying him some clothes to keep in your house, just in case…
Cassie raises an eyebrow at the mention of the clothes, clearly caught off guard by the fact that you’ve prepared a wardrobe for her son in your apartment.
"You bought him clothes?"
There's a mix of amusement and something else in her tone, something softer, almost touched. She didn’t expect this level of thoughtfulness and she definitely didn’t expect it to feel this… well, nice.
Harrison, meanwhile, emerges from the bathroom with toothpaste smeared around his mouth, completely oblivious to the emotional weight of this moment.
"Did you pick cool clothes?" He asks eagerly, probably heard you talking with his mom from the bathroom.
"Ahn, yes." You say as you start to answer something else to Cassie, but you move your face to him when he gets there and stops the words you would say. "Well, it's not that great, but it's better than to use your yesterday's clothes again today to go to school today, right?"
You pat his shoulder for him to follow you to the living room.
You open a cabinet under the TV, picking a shirt with a Minecraft stamp, blue navy sweatpants and a pair of socks of dinosaurs. Harrison’s eyes light up like it’s Christmas morning, he snatches the Minecraft shirt immediately, holding it up against himself with an excited grin.
"This is awesome!"
Cassie watches from the doorway, arms crossed, but there’s no irritation in her expression this time, just something quietly fond. She glances at you, shaking her head slightly.
"You spoil him." but her words lack bite, almost like she doesn’t actually mind and she doesn`t.
You glance at her, still crouched down as you hold the rest of the clothes in front of him, you give her a little upward smile as you talk to him. "I'm glad you liked it… Go take a shower then so you can wear it, you have toothpaste in your mouth, little man."
Harrison bolts toward the bathroom with his new clothes clutched to his chest, only to stop a few steps back mid-way, turning back with sudden concern.
"Wait, mom, you did pack my backpack, right?"
Cassie sighs, rubbing her forehead. "Yes, Harrison."
He beams and dashes off again, leaving you and Cassie alone in the living room. The silence stretches, heavy with unspoken words, but she doesn’t move to leave.
Maybe, just maybe, she’s starting to trust a little more whatever this is.
The drive to his school is fairly quiet and relaxed. Harrison keeps glancing out the window, still admiring his new shirt, a small smile on his face. The radio plays softly in the background, a song you vaguely recognize but can't place.
He occasionally glances your way, clearly curious, he's been itching to ask you something since earlier in the house, but he didn't want to in front of his mom.
"You alright, little man?" You ask as you glance at him one time and he is looking at you in an interesting way.
Harrison blinks, snapped out of his thoughts. He glances back at you, trying to play it cool, but his curiosity is still written all over his face.
"Uhhh... can I ask you something?" He asks tentatively, still fiddling with his new shirt.
"Sure." You smile as you move your eyes back to the road, focused on his words but also on driving.
Harrison fidgets with the fabric once more, shifting in his seat. He's clearly nervous, almost anxious, about what he's about to say, but he gathers his courage and finally speaks up. "Can I ask-"
He starts hesitantly, looking over at you with a glimmer of trepidation in his eyes, almost as if he's scared of your answer.
"There's no need to worry, Harry, I won't bite or make fun of you." You say kindly as you smile slightly and glance again at him, reassuring him so he doesn’t feel hesitant anymore.
Harrison manages a small smile at that, his shoulders relaxing just a bit. He takes a deep breath, then finally blurts out the words that have been on his mind.
"Are... are you and my mom..." He hesitates, struggling with the right phrasing. He's young, but he's already too perceptive for his own good, probably because of everything his family has already been through.
He chews his bottom lip as he glances nervously at you again, silently begging for your response, for your understanding, even if he didn't finish his words.
"Oh." You swallow dry. "Well, I love-" You say so automatically that you don't even notice.
You clean your throat before continuing.
"I like your mom very, very much." You answered him in a light tone. "I think maybe she likes me too, huh? What do you think?"
Harrison’s eyes widen slightly at your near-slip, your almost-confession, but then he grins, clearly delighted by the idea.
"Yeah! She definitely likes you." He declares confidently, kicking his feet slightly. "She acts all grumpy when you're around, but she smiles more too!"
He's so happy to finally talk about this, to acknowledge the obvious. And now that he's gotten confirmation from you, he looks absolutely thrilled. You chuckle at his answer about her being all grumpy but smiling.
"Oh, that's good then." You say between chuckles.
Harrison giggles along with you, swinging his feet happily under the car seat. He watches the passing scenery for a moment before glancing back at you, his expression suddenly turning serious again.
"Does that mean you’re gonna stay?" His voice is quieter now, timorous again, like he’s scared of the answer one more time. He wants this, wants you around, he wants to keep seeing the way his mom gets better with you around, but he’s learned not to get his hopes up too easily…
You take some seconds to fully let the words sink in your mind, it’s like a topic too big, difficult and at the same time so simple.
"What do you mean, Harry?"
Harrison fidgets in his seat, playing idly with the seat belt still buckled over his chest. He seems almost embarrassed about bringing it up, but he presses on anyway, clearly desperate for reassurance.
"You're not gonna leave, right?" His voice is small, it's clear how much the thought worries him. In that moment, he looks younger than his age, more vulnerable and uncertain. He looks to you for an answer, eyes filled with hope and you notice it so much that it makes your heart ache.
"Don't worry, Harrison." You say as you stop at a red light and move one hand to press his shoulder slightly. "I like you two very much. I don't plan on leaving."
You move your hand out and go back to driving. Relief floods Harrison's face at your words, erasing his worries in an instant. He grins widely, all anxieties lifted from his shoulders in seconds, it was that easy.
In that moment, he looks like any other carefree little kid, no longer weighed down by worry and uncertainty around his family or love.
"Good!" He exclaims, his mood completely changed. He happily glances out the window, his legs kicking slightly, as he watches the city whiz by.
You feel almost lighter, but it's still complicated, you know it's not that easy. You know you all have a long way to go yet.
You left him at school after more than five minutes of driving and then you got back to your house. When you pull back into your driveway, the house feels strangely quiet without Harrison’s cheerful chatter filling the space. The weight of your conversation with him and everything left unsaid between you and Cassie hangs in the air as you step inside.
Cassie is still there, sitting on the couch now. She looks up as you enter, her expression unreadable, but her eyes sharp and assessing.
"Harrison got to school alright?" She asks, her tone deliberately casual as if she’s trying to avoid addressing the elephant in the room.
"Oh yeah." You mutter as you drop your keys and take off your jacket, your eyes leaving her face.
It's still on your mind, everything, how heavy things are and how much you want to just make her let you carry some of the weight, but you don't say a thing.
You remember the way she dismissed you yesterday.
How Cassie paused at the contact of your touch that sent a spark down her spine. For a brief moment, her expression faltered, a split-second where her usual mask of indifference slipped, letting you glimpse something raw and vulnerable underneath.
She hesitated, caught off guard by your kindness and concern.
But then she shook her head, regaining her composure with a stubborn glint in her eyes.
"I said I'm fine. I don't need you fussing over me, okay? I'm not made of glass."
You clean your throat as you try to clean your mind with the sound and physical gesture.
"All fine, I gave him 5 bucks for lunch."
Cassie nods, her expression still neutral, though her eyes darken noticeably at the mention of you giving him money.
"Thanks." She murmurs after some moments, her tone brusque. There's a short pause, more time. "You could’ve told me you were doing that, you know..."
She crosses her arms, eyeing you almost irritably.
You move your eyes to her as you lay one side of your body against the wall, looking at her in confusion. "Doing what?"
Cassie rolls her eyes at that, as if the answer should be obvious.
"Giving Harrison money for lunch." She says firmly, her tone stern. She clearly doesn't think you were right in giving him money without asking her first.
"Ah." You mutter and nod your head slightly, crossing your arms. "Well, I'm sorry, I noticed in the middle of the way that we didn't pack lunch for him, so I thought I should give him something."
Cassie sighs and massages her forehead, as if you're giving her a headache, making the migraine from the problems from yesterday come back. She's still sitting on the couch, arms firmly crossed.
"You should've told me. You know I don't like it when people throw money at my son without checking with me first."
The way she talks bothers you a lot, not in a way that makes you angry, but in a way that gives you immense pain in your chest. You were about to speak, to respond anything, to say that you are not just anyone, that she shouldn’t include you in ‘random people’, but she glances up at you, her gaze hard and unyielding.
"He's my kid, not yours."
You look at her flabbergasted, your mouth slightly open, your eyebrows going a little up and you feel a bitter taste in your mouth.
"Wow. Ok." You say, clearly stunned at her words, your gaze drifts to the floor and you take a deep breath before going to the kitchen without saying anything else.
You need a second alone after that.
You are doing your best, trying to be good for him and for her.
It's clearly not enough, not right now.
Cassie realizes immediately that she went too far, her sharp words leaving a bitter silence in their way to you. The moment you turn away, her expression falters, regret flashing in her eyes. She didn’t mean it like that, not really, but she reacted on instinct, defensive and territorial over Harrison.
She watches you walk to the kitchen, hesitating for a brief second before standing up and following you. She calls your name, her voice is softer now, edged with remorse, you can clearly feel.
It doesn’t make it any less hard, any less painful.
She hovers awkwardly near the doorway, unsure how to fix this. You keep yourself busy, trying to not to think too much about what just happened and how you feel towards your relationship and everything.
God, you just talked to her son about how much you like her and him, and you came back and it's this that happens. You feel so bad.
When she gets to the kitchen doorway, you take one hand off your eyes, going back to move the dishes, anything to not keep yourself standing still.
"I know I'm not his parents, Cassie, I know I'm not you or Chad." You say, a bit too low for your usual tone, clearly hurt in your voice, something that stings in both of your chests.
Cassie's shoulders stiffen at the edge in your voice, guilt clawing its way up her chest. Her eyes trail over your shoulders, guilt and remorse etched into every line of her face, she hates that she made you look like this.
"You say like it's so easy to date someone with a kid.”
She opens her mouth slightly and moves her head, taking a deep breath that you can hear, which makes you realize you also spoke something heavy and harsh at that moment.
"Ok." Cassie says as if your words to her were fair, considering what she said to you, this didn't improve the situation and how she felt hearing them, as it was already a topic long before you defined a relationship, but she also seemed to understand where you were coming from.
You know it's not easy, you knew it wasn't since you started seeing each other and you asked your friends for advice, you always remember the way everyone said how complicated it was to take care of a child that wasn't yours, even if you weren’t the primary caregiver.
But it wasn't something you did out of obligation, you liked Harrison, you adored the boy and to spend quality time with Cassie and him.
And you knew he adored you back, that was the best part. That was the part you focused on when you thought about how complicated it was to keep things going.
“I’m sorry.”
"Look, I… I'm sorry."
You both talk at the same time.
She takes a tentative step toward you, but stops a little, her voice is uncharacteristically soft and uncertain. “That came out wrong-"
You keep quiet, stopping your hands, staying still as you stare at the sink, taking a deep breath as you listen to her.
Cassie pauses, watching your stillness with a flicker of helplessness. She can see the tension in your shoulders, the way you won't look at her. It only makes her feel worse, the whole thing. She takes another slow step closer to you, her eyes flicking nervously over your frame, trying to gauge your feelings and reactions.
"I didn't mean it like that. I'm just-" She swallows, suddenly unsure of what to say. All that is usually so easy for her is suddenly so damn hard.
You turn to look at her, one hand against the table at the kitchen side.
"I'm also very sorry, Cass. I am not- I really enjoy being with you two, I'm glad you are his mom and that I can spend time with you even when you are with him, I'm trying my best, really." You admit, your voice is a bit rough, like you are trying to hold some stronger emotion. "I'm learning how to be good with kids, I want to, I felt like it was important, when we first started going out because Harrison is part of your life and I didn't want to mess up with such an important part of you."
You swallow dry, your - now reddish - eyes drifting to the side.
Cassie exhales sharply, almost like she's been punched in the gut. Hearing you say it like that, so raw and honest, breaks through her defenses completely.
She looks at you seeing the hurt in your eyes, the way your hands shake slightly at your sides.
Something inside her cracks.
“I know.” She crosses the last bit of distance between you, reaching out hesitantly, as if she's unsure if she's allowed to do that now, before placing a tentative hand on your arm.
You don't move out of her touch, in fact, it only makes you slow down your breath.
She takes a deep breath, forcing herself to say the words, to open up.
"You're already good with him. Too good, honestly." Her voice is rough, but sincere, you can feel it. "I'm just… bad at this."
To let someone in. To trust someone else with Harrison. To learn to put her walls down and accept help that way.
"I know he is the most important thing in the world to you." You look at her. "And really, I can back off if it will be something that makes you feel safer, but I- I really like him and I really like you."
Cassie's grip on your arm tightens automatically, as if she doesn't want you to pull away, as if she can't stand the thought of you giving up so easily, giving her an out like that.
"That's not what I want, my love." She murmurs, her voice hoarse. She takes a half-step closer, her voice a bit more urgent now. "I don't want you to back off. I don't want you leaving or anything like that.”
She sighs, you can see the inner conflict in her mind.
“I'm just… I'm scared, alright? Jesus, I'm scared." She moves one hand to her face, you hear how her voice suddenly gets a bit shaky.
"It's okay, I understand." You mumble and move one arm to hold her hand as she tries to practically cover her face. "I think it's nice how protective and careful you are with him, choosing when and if you are going to introduce someone and all these things…"
Cassie's expression softens a little as you reassure her, as you tell her you understand. She feels like she doesn't deserve this, this understanding and patience. Not after the things she said and how it has been, she feels like it's too much, but hearing you say that, knowing that you are so careful and patient, so lovely with her and her struggles, eases some of the anxiety clawing at her chest.
"I'm sorry I snapped.” She takes a deep breath before speaking again, words quiet and filled with guilt. “That was shitty."
You nod at her with a small smile moving your hands to her back and bringing her closer for a hug. “I'm sorry too.”
Cassie relaxes immediately as you wrap her into the hug, her head dropping automatically to rest on your shoulder. She buries her face in the crook of your neck and sighs, her shoulders slumping. She feels weary and vulnerable, but also strangely safe, she grips the back of your shirt tightly, as if needing something to ground herself and keep her here in this moment, to keep her around and with you.
Like you aren't so willing to stay at her side besides everything.
And the two of you just stay like that, wrapped around each other in silent apologies and quiet sobs.
Summary | GN Reader is a very famous singer who ends up going to ER, Cassie doesn't know anything about the current culture, but she's sure she's seen photos of you on her son's cell phone.
Warnings | Tags: Harrisson is older (around 15y), Reader is very kind but has some problems with being famous (leading to bad coping mechanisms, passively suicidal and little regard for their own health), Original Male Character that is Reader's Manager (he is very cool tho), maybe too many hadestown related nicknames.
WordC: 4.3K | This is Chapter 1 | More Chapters Here
When Cassie heard Dana's warnings about an accident at a music event, she already imagined it would be a complicated shift. It had been a long time since she had dealt with raves, concerts, or parties, but she certainly knew the state people could be in when they arrived at the hospital.
Before heading to any case, she practically ran to one of the hospital hallways, any one that was relatively empty compared to the chaos of the ER.
She muttered some curses under her breath while moving her hands to grab her phone.
"Fuck." This time it was louder.
You stared at her, sitting in one of the chairs near a vending machine with dubious products for a hospital. She didn't notice you, but you had been watching her since she passed through the first door and entered the place.
“You alright?” You weren't in the best situation to ask that, and she was obviously someone who worked there based on her outfit and the small glimpse of her badge that you saw as it hit her body while she hurried by, but you still thought it was appropriate to ask anyway.
She turns to you and leans her back against the wall, sighs, and runs one hand through her hair, anxious.
“Just- my son was at this stupid show.” She whispered. It didn't seem like she was really talking to you, just speaking out loud. "And now I can't talk to him."
You pause for a few seconds, staring at her and thinking about what to say. "You know that only the singer got hurt, right? Apparently, there wasn't any commotion like that in the audience."
Cassie looks at you as if you were an idiot and had said the worst possible phrase. You had good intentions, trying to calm her down, but it might not be very helpful for a mother who doesn't joke around when it comes to any kind of accident involving her child.
You scratch your throat and try to make it. “I mean, better safe than sorry, of course.”
She sighed, turning her attention back to her phone.
"He kept bugging me to go to this and then it ends with an accident like that?" This singer doesn't even make sense. Hades Town, why the hell do you put town in your name when you are just one person?
You let out a small laugh. It was very comical how you didn't know how to react to the criticism of your stage name, which was apparently very silly, and how you pondered how she would react if she knew she was talking to the singer who doesn't make sense to her.
"Yeah, it would make more sense if it were a band, right?"
"God, he has the weirdest taste." she says with a certain disdain, but you feel it's more out of her concern right now than her actual opinion. "These days, he was telling me about someone named The Strokes, I'm the one who is going to have a fucking stroke if he doesn't pick up.”
You try to suppress your laughter again because of the way she speaks and what she says.
"You know... at these shows, it's very common to meet a lot of people and-"
Saved by the bell, you were about to say another really big stupid thing to Cassie when she picked up her phone and moved away a bit.
“Harrison? Oh thank you, where are you?” Cassie sighed with relief, the phone almost glued to her ears. “Are you hurt? Did something happen? Ok, that's good… No, no, why would you even go there? Are they alright? Bring them here then, I don't want you in any other hospital, let me help if it's the case.”
She kept pacing back and forth; you follow her with your eyes.
"Harrison, are you really okay? No scratches? Nothing?"
It's the last thing you hear from her before being practically dragged by your manager back to where you really should be to get proper care. You were taking a little stroll trying to avoid the hospital and to buy some chips (which, by the way, didn't work out).
"You know you can't even eat, right? Imagine if you need surgery, that complicates things, idiot." He sighed and rolled his eyes, now pulling you with a wheelchair.
"I'm sure it's just a sprain, I must have twisted my ankle, something like that." You shrug, as if it's nothing, while he pushes you.
And for a moment, he thinks about just throwing you against the wall, considering your stupid, stubborn, hard head, maybe it wouldn't even damage your brain if you hit it.
He stops and sighs, positioning himself in front of you.
"You literally fell off the stage, little star. Do you really think it's going to be fine? From that height? Take a look at your foot. You couldn't even hold the microphone. Who do you think you're fooling?"
He finishes speaking and sighs with indignation again, pushing you once more.
"I can`t believe you were running away from the doctor like that."
Yuri had been your manager since you entered this artistic world; he had seen you go through thick and thin, but he always stayed with you one way or another, professionally and personally, he was always there.
You were very grateful, even if he could be a bit nervous sometimes, for the right reasons, of course.
—
After a long wait, between being attended to, triage, and then a 'room,' you were almost asleep when a boy opened the door. You didn't know where Yuri was, but you guessed he was probably smoking and flirting with some paramedic.
"Hello." He says with a small smile on his face, his hands behind his back, in the same position your grandfather used to be in when he was walking in public places.
You respond with a nod and a smile. "Are you my doctor?"
"No, nice to meet you, I`m Ogilvie, still a medical student, Dr. King is your doctor, she should be coming soon."
“I see." You yawn and still feel his gaze very intensely on you. “What?”
There is a certain concern in your voice, as if he knows there is something wrong with you, but you haven't noticed yet.
"Nothing, I'm just a big fan." His smile reaches his eyes, but he keeps his hands behind his back, in the same position.
"Oh, thank you." You say way more relaxed. "Look, I would even offer you an autograph, but you know..." You move your eyes to your swollen and bandaged wrist as if pointing. "And sorry, but I'm not in a condition to take a photo right now."
Your gaze follows Cassie, who appears in your field of vision now, distant, but she is there, beyond the glass wall of the room, meters away.
"Come here, is Dr. King over there?"
Ogilvie follows your gaze and sees McKay outside, leaning with her arms on Dana's table, putting weight on one leg; you could see her back and the braid that was slightly coming undone.
"Oh no, that's Dr. McKay."
"She is a doctor, then." You say as a quiet affirmation, your eyes almost burning into her back. "Is she coming here?"
"No, probably not, since your case isn't hers."
"But could she come here?" You place a great emphasis on ‘could’, turning your face to look at him. "Maybe my manager has some merch in the car, I can have him talk to you."
You speak, trying to make your ulterior motives clear, and Ogilvie seems to seize the opportunity.
"Do you want Dr. McKay as your doctor?" He asks just to confirm.
"If that makes her come here."
He seemed to ponder for a moment, while looking at Cassie still in the same place, unsure whether to accept the job of covertly convincing the change of doctor in exchange for this.
“And a selfie.“ Ogilvie added, he seemed to think more about what he could ask for beyond what you had offered than whether he would accept or not the proposal.
You look at him with your eyes half-closed, a smile of surprise at his bold words.
“Fair enough." When you agree, he pulls out his phone from his pocket so quickly that you barely have time to prepare, not that there was much to do with your appearance in this situation.
He doesn't return to your room, not exactly, you just see him giving a thumbs up through the glass, a good few minutes after he leaves.
Cassie returns to the central station some time after doing a patient rotation and checking the incoming tests. She approaches Javadi, who was staring very deeply into a room.
"I can't believe it, this is so cool, is it unethical for me to come and talk about something?" She doesn't even seem to notice that it's Cassie who approaches, she just really needed to talk about it with someone.
"What are you talking about?" McKay tries to follow her gaze but doesn't exactly see what it is.
"The singer is here, can you believe it?"
"Ah." She raises her eyebrows and moves to grab one of the information tablets on the table, it's the same face she makes when her son starts talking about it. "I didn't know they put the singer here."
"Yeah, I really like the songs. I need to go there, but Ogilvie got there first, of course, he did." She exhales.
"McKay, case for you now in room 3." Dana said, approaching behind the desk without lifting her eyes from the tablet she held against her hip.
"Wasn't it Dr. King in that one?"
"She ended up in a trauma that arrived, you were apparently the one requested." She walked away without giving much explanation, and Javadi looked at Cassie as if she had found a lottery ticket.
“What?”
“It's the singer’s room.”
“You want to tag along?” She asked out of pure politeness, already knowing the answer from her colleague's smile.
McKay was already heading to your room, but she stopped abruptly when she saw a glimpse of your face.
"Is that the singer?" Cassie turned to Victoria with an expression the girl had only seen on her face the day the electronic ankle bracelet had started making noise out of nowhere.
“Yes! As I said, great songs and-”
“Fuck.” She murmured, pressing her fingers to her temples and closing her eyes, she managed to hear a 'what?' from Javadi, very softly. "You're talking about the Hades Town singer, aren't you?"
“Aham.” Even in the tone of her response, it was possible to notice that it had been said with a smile.
Cassie could ascend to the heavens now, genuinely rise and climb a labyrinth of clouds to escape this.
"I thought Harrison liked it."
"Oh, he loves." She said somewhat sarcastically and sighed as she resumed walking, taking heavy steps toward the room.
You remained still as the two women entered the room. Of course, you lifted your chin slightly, pretending not to glance at them sideways as they walked toward you, while making mental notes for Yuri to arrange anything with your brand for that medical student.
“Hi.” She said with a half-downward smile, putting her hands in her pockets, you could feel a certain tension in her. "I am Dr. McKay. I will be accompanying you since Dr. King had another emergency and this is Javadi, a medical student."
You smiled and waved, your eyes only leaving her when she introduced Javadi.
"So you fell off the stage?" She said with her back turned, putting on her gloves.
"Pretty stupid, isn't it?" You let out a chuckle, mainly because you knew she had thought those exact words.
"Accidents happen." Javadi replied, smiling shyly, almost too anxious about your presence.
Cassie approached your feet, gently pulling back the blanket to check your left ankle, which was already resting on ice packs. She touched it lightly, carefully pressing her fingers against your skin.
"A sprain, it's not broken, you fell badly, but that's lucky considering the fall." She stated, looking at you for a few seconds.
At this point, you were definitely determined to get her number.
She beckoned Javadi with her eyes to come closer and explain a few things about your ankle. You know that Yuri would get annoyed with you not paying attention, but you only noticed how the words sounded coming out of her mouth, as you, in a stupid cliché, wouldn't be able to replicate such a beautiful melody.
"Can I touch it?"
Cassie said, breaking your immersion, she was suddenly by your side, near the bandaged left wrist. You have one or two bruises from the fall, but nothing serious, it will disappear in a few days.
“Sure.”
She seemed to have an even softer touch when she slid her fingers over the bandage, examining the dislocation.
"Is it hurting all the way up to your elbow?" Her voice was clinical, but very gentle; suddenly, you didn't seem to want to avoid the appointment and doctors anymore.
"No, lower, about a hand's breadth below the elbow, I would say."
Your eyes moved from her fingers around your forearm to her face. She looked down, focused, a chain hung around her neck that swayed slightly with each movement of her fingers.
She quietly agreed with some sound and continued to touch softly, and she didn't notice the way you were staring at her.
Well, she actually felt it, but she thought you were very upset about her calling you an idiot and other terrible things before, without knowing.
And you felt that your next song would be about her.
After a few more sentences, and things you didn't understand and didn't care much about anyway. And after you said it was fine if Javadi really wanted a photo after she said she didn't need it and didn't want to bother you. Cassie was about to leave when she stopped at the threshold - After Victoria waved goodbye with flushed cheeks and left with her phone in hand.
"Look, I'm sorry for what I said earlier." She said, turning to you, she had the conception that artists were very egocentric people, especially the current ones, but seeing you interact with Javadi changed part of her perception.
Not that she wasn't somewhat tired just hearing your name from how much Harrison talks about you, but it was already a step.
"Don't worry, Doctor, it's all good, I've heard much worse things."
She sighed and leaned one shoulder against the door.
"No, seriously, I'm sorry, it wasn't ethical at all."
"Well, you weren't my doctor at the time." You said kindly, and she responded with what you could almost consider a smile, still a bit embarrassed by the situation.
You felt that she was about to leave again when silence took over part of the room.
"Is your son okay?"
Cassie was somewhat surprised by the question, by your remembering, and by your kindness in asking as well; she crossed her arms before responding.
"Oh, yes, just one of the friends who ended up feeling unwell from the heat." She explained, looking at you, and once again, there was silence; you were no longer sure how to keep her there.
So you did what you knew best: sell yourself.
"I can talk to him if you want." Despite the doubt and the last-minute words, your voice came out with great certainty. "You know, if he was there and is a fan like you said, sometimes he got scared by something, I don't know..."
You had no idea if she had a 13 or 20-year-old son, if he was someone who needed any kind of confirmation that everything was fine with you, but regardless, you had to try.
She opened her mouth slightly, tilting her head, thinking, it was a very nice consideration, and she knew Harrison would go crazy, but was this really something she should accept?
"It's very kind of you, but-"
"I insist." You cut her off slightly, nodding positively. "I bet he would go crazy if he knew you turned down an opportunity like this. I have no problem at all."
She smiled, and her hands rubbed together lightly, she didn't exactly know how to react.
"Well, that's very kind of you, thank you, I'll let him know to come here if he arrives before you are discharged."
“Thank you, Doctor McKay.”
She smiled awkwardly again and left, leaving you alone with some new stupid lyrics in your head.
———
"Fuck, I leave for a while and you do a Meet & Greet at the hospital? What is this..."
Yuri arrives in the room, agitated, with at least ten bags in his arms. He seemed incredulous with you, but at the same time, he already knew how things worked, so you weren't sure why he looked so surprised.
You decided to ignore his complaints.
"I swear to God that if you tell me that during all this time you were out you were making out with the paramedic from the show..."
He looked at you guilty and you didn't need a verbal response.
"And it's bad that I'm talking to my fans in the hospital, my god, Yuri."
"Okay, but did you see the way he looked at me?"
"Of course not! I was feeling unwell on a stupid gurney."
"So you admit that you're not well."
Yeah, he got you on that one.
"Ugh, shut up." You sigh, rubbing your good hand on your forehead. "Hey, give one of these to someone named Javadi and Ogilvie, okay? They should be around somewhere… or just leave it with someone, I don't know, write it down on a piece of paper, but give it to them."
"Ok, two people." He sighed at your way of avoiding the conversation about your health and made a mental note to focus on it later, returning to what you seemed to want to do very urgently now. "Why did you make me bring so much if it's just two people?"
Yuri puts the bags on the floor and stares at you, his hands going to his hips and then to his face, sighing heavily and dramatically. He always did that.
"No." He raises his hands, gesturing as if asking for peace and divine intervention again, he was a theater kid. "Don't tell me you're-"
“I'm not.” You said seriously, staring at him, you knew what he meant without him needing to continue. "I'm fine, it's not a clearance sale to close the store, I'm just trying to be nice to those who helped me today."
He stares at you as if trying to figure out your true intentions, he scratches his chin and turns around, pulling the curtain to face the glass and the people walking outside.
“Which one is it then?”
"I don't have a thing for doctors as you do."
"Shut up, songbird, tell me which one." He said, leaning against the glass with his fingers, lightly touching it with two fingers, as if he were a suffering person in a movie. "It is the redhead."
"What? No." You say almost startled by the certainty in his voice.
“She is your type.”
"I have never dated a redhead."
Yuri looks back at you as if you had said something stupid, damn, a lot of people are doing that to you today.
"She looks like she could break you in half, you love that."
"For the love of God."
He ignores your protests and murmurs continuing, his fingers still near the curtain and glass, as if he were a detective in a noir film now.
“How old is she?”
"I don't know, I'm not interested."
Yuri laughs without humor at your response and turns back to you after pulling the curtains to give you both some privacy, pulling the doctor's stool to sit beside you.
"Okay, I also want to play two truths and a lie. Let's go."
He leans toward you, elbows on his knees.
"One, you are well and want to do charity." He raises one of his fingers and so on. "Two, you're feeling like crap and want to do charity, or three, you want to hook up with someone and will buy them with gifts and charity."
You looked at him as if he were stupid and pretending to be your father or a doctor, but the truth is that you just didn't want to accept that he was indeed right about at least two things.
“You are an asshole.” Your eyes popped out of his face with a bitter taste of truth being thrown against your will in your face.
He ignores your protests and continues talking after a while, trying to understand your expression. “Ok, so I liked the game, let's keep going.” He leans even closer to you.
“One, you want the redhead and-”
And she enters the room, knocking on the door before quietly passing through the curtain, a tablet in her hands that she taps a little anxiously and seems to be holding only for that.
“Oh, I'm sorry, I didn't know you had company.” She murmurs as she moves her eyes to Yuri.
He glances at you with a side eye and a barely contained smirk, stupid old man.
“No worries, doctor…” He waits for her to finish, and when she doesn't catch, he gestures with his hand for her to continue with a little gesture in his hands.
“I'm Doctor McKay, hello.” Cassie nods, looking at him.
“Everything alright with Humpty Dumpty here, Doctor McKay?”
You are sure he was doing this only to make you feel embarrassed, he could be so foolish and unserious sometimes.
Cassie does her best not to laugh at the comment, she usually hears a lot of banter and people sad or complaining with their family, but it was not the usual to hear people joking like that, especially with something so well put.
She moves her head like she is cracking her neck slightly to not chuckle, a little smile escapes from the corner of her lips tho.
“Yes, everything is alright.” She reaffirms and you notice the smile, at least he made her chuckle with the dumb joke. “I will get the discharge papers soon, you will be ready to go home in little time, since you didn't hit your head.”
She moves her eyes to you to finish and you murmur a ‘thank you’ when she finishes.
“Are you sure about not hitting your head?” Yuri turns to you, he suddenly looks very concerned and you are not sure why.
“Why would I lie about that?” You say moving your attention to him and he sighs.
“I'm not saying you are lying.” You were sure he would put another stupid nickname if it wasn't for Cassie being in the room, his voice comes out way too serious. “I'm saying you may not remember it, you fell after all.”
“I tripped over cables, it is not brain damage.”
He exhales deeply, you could be such a pain about your health. He turns to Cassie and gets up.
Yuri gets up from the stroll, going closer to Cassis just a few steps and uniting his hands, being in front of your bed.
“You see, Doctor, my little… singer here has a lot of problems and bad manners when it comes to prioritizing health.” He looks at you with narrowed eyes and you know you may be getting checked again. “So I will only believe everything is fine about that idiot's big head if you say so.”
Cassie looks somewhat unsure, like she is between the two of you, somehow more than just a casual doctor conversation and she is definitely not well with how uncomfortable it feels.
“Well, let me see the medical record.” She turns to the computer at one of the sides of the room, pulling her badge to check what was written about you. “I wasn't the first doctor assigned, so I didn't write everything here...”
Yuri looks at you after she says that, you know he has no idea about what you did, but it is like he can sense it, a kind of shame and guilt on you about that.
“Yeah, no, there's no concussion, fracture, bump or any head injury.” She affirms and Yuri actually breathes better. “But before you leave, you can schedule a general check-up at the hospital to see how your health is if you want to.”
“That won't be necessary, thank you, doctor.” You answer before Yuri is able to.
Cassie nods and closes the tab on the computer. “I will see about those discharge papers.” She says a bit too low.
The thing is, she entered to talk about Harrison, about your offer, but after seeing - whoever it is - with you in the room, she felt like she couldn't ask that.
But you were too aware of it, you knew how to read people being shy or reluctant about these things.
“Oh, doctor.” You call her and you can see Yuri staring at you intensively. “My manager bought a few things for your son too, if he appears before I get the discharge, please bring him here.”
She smiles as you catch her, but you don't comment on it.
“Sure, thank you.”
The moment she leaves with a hand close to her neck, almost shy, Yuri moves back to look at you, moving both of his middle fingers up to you - just because he is right- and talks with way too much joy and a little too loudly.
Summary | Cassie McKay has 4 different ways of dealing with you in the kitchen that heat up as the water temperature rises.
WordC: 1.3K
Warning | Tags: +18!, explicit nsfw at the end, teasing, edging kind of, Reader receiving but still gender neutral, Cassie kind of ignores medicine and uses another technique when you burn your finger.
I lost all my shame in this omfg
Cold
It had been a tiring day, you knew that because you had worked with Cassie on the same shift and what a crappy day it had been, you were sure you just wanted to throw yourself on the couch and let the world take you away.
But when you got home, you found yourself going to the kitchen to make something to eat, simply because your stomach had been growling loudly on the way home.
Cassie walked past you and said nothing, opening the refrigerator to get a glass of water. She hadn't said much since you left the hospital.
“Do you want anything too?” you ask, looking at her as you prepare a very simple sandwich, but one that will be enough to sustain you today.
“No, I'm going to bed now,” she says without looking at you, and leaves after taking a sip and leaving the glass in the sink.
Your eyes follow her, but you don't say anything.
Room Temperature
Cassie sees you cooking and forces her arms to sit on the counter next to you as you wander around the kitchen with a cloth on your shoulder.
You look at her and give a small smile as you move.
“What are you going to do?”
“Baking a cake.” She tilts her head slightly, looking at you, her hands on the edge of the counter. You don't usually bake sweet things because she doesn't do sweet things. “For Harry.”
Your answer makes her smile. “That makes sense.”
“He's coming today, right?”
“Yeah, his dad is bringing him in an hour.”
“Cool.” You reply briefly as you stir the batter.
Cassie looks at you again after your short reply, sensing something else in your tone.
“What?”
“Uh?” You look up at her.
“You said that in a weird way.”
“Just hate the guy.” You admit, and she laughs.
“You're not the only one.”
“I'll throw the cake at him if he tries to invite himself inside again.” You stir the batter a little more after your confession.
“It's not like I would let him in anyway.”
She murmurs and leans forward to give you a little smooch. You see her and lean in for the kiss too.
“You could also make that... what's it called? The one with little tomatoes and looks like bread.”
You smile, looking back at her. “Harrison likes that too, right?”
She pauses for a moment. “Well, probably.”
“Just like his mother, huh?”
“Of course.” She says and stays with you as you keep baking.
Warm
“Fuck!” You grumble after feeling your finger getting hot.
You didn't see that the pressure cooker was already releasing steam and accidentally ran your finger right over the valve, burning it slightly.
Cassie appeared after hearing your complaint. “What's wrong, my love?”
She approaches, placing one hand on the counter beside you, looking at you and quickly understanding what happened from the way you wave your finger in the air.
“Did you burn yourself? Badly? How is it?”
“No, I think it's just a graze, I pulled my finger away quickly.” You walk past her as you speak, take a few steps, and are already running your finger under the tap.
“Let me-”
She doesn't even finish speaking, she reaches your side, leaning one of her knees against your leg while leaning part of her body against the counter, one of her hands goes to your wrist and she brings your finger close to her mouth.
She stares at you intensely for a moment before opening her mouth wide enough to put your burned finger in it.
You feel the moisture and the way she seems to make a point of using her tongue to replicate the momentary relief that running water would bring to the burn.
Her eyes remain on you, studying your expression, she doesn't hide how much she likes what she sees.
She sucks your finger, wetting it even more before pulling away with a popping sound when she hears the oven timer beeping.
“Something is calling you.” she says, leaving your finger cooling in the air as she holds your wrist. “I'll get some ointment, pay more attention.”
Boiling Point
You know Cassie has something on her mind when you see her reflection in the glass of the cabinet, she has a smug look on her face, one arm resting on her hip, lifting her white shirt a little too tight, along with the short pajama shorts that almost make you die every time she wears them.
"What are you doing?"
She asks, leaning her back against the counter, looking you straight in the eye.
"Dough and-"
"Are you using the stove?" She interrupts you.
"No."
You automatically take a step to the side, so as not to stand in front of the stove, understanding that she would want to use it based on the question.
“Good.”
But Cassie moves one of your arms that was mixing the dough on the counter and positions herself in front of you, her eyes half-lidden.
"Too busy?" You can already notice the anticipation in her tone of voice, as she has already started teasing you.
“Why?”
She slides against the counter, lowering herself enough to kneel on the floor.
“I asked if you are too busy.” She repeats it with a more authoritative tone, and you gasp as you notice her eyes looking up at you with such desire.
“No.” You speak a bit too softly. “No, I'm not.”
She smiles contentedly at your response, her hands sliding from your heel to the inner part of your thighs, making slow back-and-forth movements. You could already feel how her actions were affecting you very quickly.
Cassie straightens her back, standing up straighter as she moves her hands over your shorts and uses her fingers to untie the bow on your waistband.
She looks at you when she is able to untie, a smirk on her face as she lowers the shorts and lets them fall down your ankles.
"Cold?" Cassie whispers with a hoarse voice as she approaches your thigh.
“No.” You sigh as you respond, your eyes so focused downward that you don't even touch the bread dough you were preparing with your fingers anymore.
You don't need to do anything, not even spread your legs wider, Cassie does the work for you, she licks the inside of one of your thighs before actually touching you with her tongue.
You sigh heavily and she looks at you the same way as before, your sounds only giving her more energy to continue.
It's slow and deliberate when she starts, you can even feel her breath against your skin.
"Damn it, Cassie."
You sigh and clench your hand into a fist, lightly tapping it against the counter, since you realized you can't run your fingers through her hair when your hand is full of wheat flour.
She hums in content, moving her eyes back to you, she starts to use her tongue more.
As her hands slid from your hip upwards, touching your stomach under your shirt, she lightly squeezed with her fingers and you couldn't contain your voice again, your head going back.
The sound and the sight make her step back slightly and look at you, smiling.
"Can we take this to the bedroom or do you have to focus on that?"
You breathe heavily when you open your eyes and move them down to look at her, your forehead sweating cold.
You don't need to give an answer, she already knows, she smirks at you while slowly moving up in front of you, leaving a small kiss on the corner of your mouth before slipping under your arms, leaving you breathless and your pants on the floor.
All texts are gender neutral unless stated otherwise
Cassie Mckay x Reader
Yellow Bricks and Kisses | Reader has a son who studies and is best friends with Harrison.
Unfortunately my coworker isn`t a vampire | Reader and Cassie have a very strong animosity that is nothing more than a certain kind of tension they don't want to acknowledge. When Reader cuts their lip, Cassie becomes a little too interested in what she sees.
Anesthesia Confession | Reader, still half sedated accidentally confess their love to Cassie in front of their coworkers. (Part 2 Here)
A firm hand to remind you occasionally | Shared moment on the couch turns to an intense conversation after reader misinterpretates something in the middle of their make-out session.
Cassie's 4 temperatures while you cook | Cassie has 4 different ways of dealing with you in the kitchen that heat up as the water temperature rises.
I created this as a side blog and I had no clue you can't like or do some things without being the primary one noooo I regret it now, I will probably need to change accounts
part two of the cassie fic pleaseeee maybe she like visits at r’s house or something idk but i need the real confessions
Part 2 of Unfortunate Timing
Summary | GN Reader finally asks Cassie out on a first date!
WordC: 2.3k
Themes | Tags: pure fluff and sweet moments, reader is still very silly and somewhat awkward around Cassie, but tries their best (and is very good at making it), I have no idea why I keep making Cassie loving pasta.
Sorry for the wait! I was having difficulty thinking about how to continue, but I hope the delay was worth it!
After your day off following the endoscopy, which you obviously requested because you were a bit too altered, you were graced with many looks and giggles, especially from Javadi and Trinity.
It's not like you didn't expect it, you practically put on a show, with ammunition of jokes and things to use against you for so long.
You sighed somewhat tiredly against the coffee bottle in the break room when Trinity came through one of the doors and stopped next to you, grabbing a granola bar and staring at you for a long time.
"What?" You asked, yawning, taking a sip of the horrible coffee.
"Give me a few more seconds, I'm thinking about which joke to use now."
You rolled your eyes and almost threw yourself into the chair, she kept watching you with her eyes.
"I'm going to guess that by your face and discouragement, you haven't done anything yet."
"Didn't do anything about what?" You weren't exactly sure what she was saying, but you had an idea, and she sighed, annoyed by your slowness.
"McKay... ask her out." Santos says as if it were obvious and gestures with her hands.
"Well..." You move one of your hands to scratch behind your neck, almost nervously.
"Didn't she literally tell you to invite her to dinner? Why are you so unsure?"
"How do you know that?"
She shrugged, as if you didn't know the open mouth you had.
"I just- uh, I don't know how to ask her out, is it just asking?"
Trinity looks at you uncertainly, her eyebrows furrowing and her mouth in surprise. "You've never done that?"
"Oh, it's kind of different with her."
She holds back a laugh that you hear anyway. "My god, so you're like this and are already at this level with her."
"What?"
Santos sighed again and approached you.
"Look, just send a message or if you see her around, just say it and mention when she said that. If she literally told you to call her, stop hesitating before someone does what you didn't."
She left and left you with a lot on your mind, shortly after, you found yourself heading toward the ER central.
"Ok, Dana." You say as you arrive at her table, resting your arms on the table and bringing your hands together as if to pray (and technically you were almost about to do that). "You've been married for a long time, right?"
Princess, who was behind her, stares at you, apparently interested in the way you started the conversation. Dana raises her eyes and looks at you over the glasses perched on the tip of her nose.
“Apparently.”
"Okay, if I were hypothetically taking someone on a date in this city and wanted to make a good impression, where would be a good place?"
She stares at you for a few more seconds before returning to what she was writing under her family photos.
"Cassie likes pasta." She doesn't even look at you to say it, and Princess lets out a giggle, clearly paying a lot of attention to your conversation. "Go to Matte's Pasta, it's on the corner of Fifteenth Avenue, it looks fancier than it really is."
You feel your face flush, how did she know that? How did she know it was Cassie?
“It’s not-” You realized it wasn't worth trying to lie. “How do you know?”
She laughs as if you were too innocent.
"Come here, why do you think you have almost never been selected to work with her lately?" Dana crosses her arms and points at you.
"Besides your drool coming out of your mouth every time she talks, you weren't very subtle with your words the day you came down here anesthetized." Princess commented, approaching.
Of course. Everyone would know about it, you should have expected that.
"I mean..." You try to add, somewhat embarrassed, but she cuts you off.
"Don't worry, kid, just take my advice, it'll work out." Dana added and gave you a thumbs up with her hand.
The rest of your shift was calm, Cassie was apparently on another shift and that helped you a lot in a way, not getting nervous in the middle of work and trying to focus on what you needed to do and not on her.
Not that it had gone very well, well, in a way yes, you were trying so hard to force yourself that you didn't notice when she arrived at work, but at the same time, your mind was racing thinking so much about her.
You were only pulled out of your thoughts for a moment when Mel, who was very kind, asked how you were and if you had recovered well, she didn't mention Cassie, but she seemed happy to see you well and back to your normal self.
It didn't take long for you to get lost in your thoughts and work again. A few hours later, you found yourself going out for some fresh air at one of the hospital exits, just to clear your head and because Dana ordered you to (after she called you about five times and you didn't respond).
You were about to lean against the small concrete wall when you heard a quiet clearing of someone`s throat. Looking back, you saw Cassie leaning against one of the walls.
“Hey.” She said, smiling and waving a hello to you. “Looking fine.”
“Way better.” You almost whisper as you get closer.
You move your mouth, thinking about what Trinity said, for a moment, the idea of losing the chance to ask her out and seeing someone else doing it in your place gives you enough confidence to do what needs to be done.
"When is your day off?"
She smiles as if she had been waiting for you to finally do it. Under the shadow, you notice how her hair has darkened and grown since you started working together, she is still beautiful.
"Thursday." Her voice came out low. "Can you do it on wednesday?"
"Yeah, I can make it work."
"Good, good." This time you can see all her teeth when she smiles after speaking, and you feel like you want this to happen every time you open your mouth.
“Ok.” You practically whisper back, trying not to smile like a fool. "I'll send you a message then, I'll come pick you up."
"You drive then."
"When I'm not under the influence of anesthesia, yes."
She laughs, and what enters your ear takes a strange path and ends up warming the left side of your chest.
You spent the next few days dying of anxiety, barely able to function properly because of what awaited you. After so much time yearning for her, you were finally there, with your hands sweating cold, holding a bouquet of blue-toned flowers and a box of coffee-flavored chocolates in front of her house door.
There was no doorbell, so you just sent a message and shortly after heard footsteps approaching.
She was wearing wine-red, the fabric cascading down her body stunningly, it was so different from what you were used to seeing her in. Cassie had spent so much time changing clothes and thinking that she wasn't even sure what her choice or combination had been. She still wore a chain around her neck, but much smaller than the one you were used to seeing.
"You are stunning." You don't even think before saying it, your eyes shine as you look at her, you're sure that if she put her fingers on your jugular, she would feel your heartbeat quickening.
“Thank you.” she smiles and you offer the things in your hands. “Oh, that's very nice of you.”
She gets in her hands and looks at your face between the petals.
"No one could tell me your favorite color, so I picked the one most similar to Harrison's eye color."
Cassie can't help but feel her heart fill with care for your thoughts, she thinks it's unusual, but very affectionate and considerate the way you think.
“It's very pretty, thank you.”
After she quickly puts the flowers in a vase with water, you step aside so she can pass and walk toward the car next to you.
During the drive, you feel very tempted to break the main traffic rule and keep your eyes off the road, watching how she moves while she talks to you about her day and week, how she rests her elbow against the car window and her hand looks so gentle holding her own face, she observes the streets and the traffic lights speeding past you.
"So do you know?" She asks, pulling you out of your trance.
“Uhm sorry, what?” You glance at her slightly for a second before moving your eyes to the street.
“Nothing.” She says clearly smiling and noticing how you were a little amused by her, even if she is doing nothing at all. Just sitting there, casually, with the prettiest eyes against the polelights.
When you arrive at the restaurant, you make a point of obviously opening the door for her, and she giggles, finding it somewhat comical how you seem to try to do things like in those old romantic movies.
You had already reserved a table, so it didn't take long for a waiter to take you to a table in the corner of the dining room, almost too close to the kitchen. You had practically memorized the menu before arriving and already knew what you were going to order, but you still showed interest when she started listing the menu options.
"This white pasta looks very good."
"Oh yes, I saw a lot of people saying good things about this one." Cassie smiled at your response, you had obviously researched this place a lot.
The waiter takes the orders and is about to remove the menu and deliver the wine list when you stop him.
“No, no, thank you.” You quickly replied, raising one of your palms. "Just the natural juice you have."
The waiter nodded and left, Cassie looked at you tenderly.
“You know, you can drink if-”
“No, I don't want to.” You gently cut her . "I chose this one because I knew they had more than just wine and they were also very patient with all the questions I had to ask..."
She smiled as you continued to murmur a lot of information.
"Well, also because I found out there were gluten-free options and it was easier to get a more private spot because I know you like more reserved things.”
McKay waited for you to finish speaking before starting to question because you had thrown out many topics in one breath and she didn't even know where to start.
"Okay." She murmurs with a giggle. "Are you eating gluten-free things then?"
"My tests and everything from the endoscopy came back, that's why I did, I ended up finding it was that, I even thought about taking you to the place Dana had suggested because I thought it was very fancy, but I also thought it would be kind of disrespectful if I didn't order anything to eat."
She looks at you a bit surprised and enchanted. "Did you ask Dana for suggestions?"
You open your mouth and stay like that for a few seconds, unsure of telling the truth. "Well, yeah."
Cassie chuckles. “That was unexpected, but I’m also not surprised.”
“She suggested a very good one.”
“This one is very sweet.” You smile at her with her words, happy about having pleased her with your choices, the waiter brings the juice and she takes a sip before continuing the conversation. "I feel like we skipped a few steps, didn't we? I was already your girlfriend a few days ago without having a date first."
You smile shyly, your hand going to tap against the table of black fabric. “Yeah, about that-”
“Don’t worry, I’m messing with you, it’s alright.” She teases.
“Good.” You mumble nodding in agreement. “Well, everyone knows now.”
"Does that bother you?"
"No." You respond too quickly, even though you feel embarrassed, it's not that you're ashamed of liking Cassie, you just feel embarrassed by the attention you receive.
The waiter interrupts the conversation by placing the dishes on the table.
"Not now that I'm here with you, but I thought maybe you would be bothered by it." You say, looking at the plate in front of you and then at her as you pick up the cutlery in your hands.
"Don't stress." She waves one of her hands at you before picking up a fork. "No one is crazy enough to mess with me about that."
Cassie twirls the spaghetti on her fork, but stops mid-air when she thinks of her next words.
“Besides, it was very sweet in the end.”
You smile with your mouth full and almost choke on her sweet words.
“I was a bit out of my mind and said some silly things.” You start after swallowing and needing to take a sip of your drink. "But I also said some true things."
“Like what?” Cassie knows it's about you wanting to go out with her, after all, you are here now, she knows it's about you liking her and admiring her, but still, she wants to listen, of course, she wants to listen again.
"Well, it's true that I find you very kind and a very good professional." You say without looking at her, suddenly very focused on your pasta. "I was really into you, I mean, I am, now and well, I've been thinking about asking you out for a while actually, I think that's why I ended up talking to Santos when I was a bit dizzy..."
She listens to you carefully and attentively, smiling awkwardly at every word you add.
“Anyway, I’m very glad you accepted.”
“I'm very glad I accepted too.” She answers kindly.
Summary | Gender Neutral Reader and Cassie have a established relantionship, after a long time without having time alone, they share a moment on the couch and have an intense conversation after reader misinterpretates something in the middle of their make-out session.
WordC: 6.5k
Warnings | Themes : Suggestive, they make out A LOT, established relantionship, Praising (LIKE A LOT TOO), possessive Cassie Mckay, Reader is a mess and too afraid of losing Cassie, Dirty Talk ?, Begging, Reader gets a bit insecure and anxious at the misinterpretation, Reader would literally do anything for her, they tell each other to shut up but affectionately, happy ending!
I'm not a big fan of how it turned out and I'm not used to writing things this suugestively, but maybe someone will like this
You and Cassie have had a stable relationship for a while now, you get along very well, understand each other easily, and are able to respect your boundaries. It's a very peaceful relationship despite everything, and you continue to take things slowly. This is mainly due to Cassie's insecurities in her first serious relationship after so long since her divorce.
She wasn't someone who liked to go out much in her free time from work, so you enjoyed spending your time cooking for her whenever you could. It was great to see her enjoying something you made and still get that taste of domestic life with her. With so much work, you were barely seeing each other, so when the opportunity finally appeared, you couldn't refuse.
You were finishing the food, spaghetti carbonara, which you had learned to make especially for her.
"I really don't know how you like this." You serve her a full plate.
Cassie leans closer to you, resting her chin on your shoulder as she watches you serve her, her hands resting on your hip bones. "And yet you always do it."
"Guilty." You murmur with a small smile and hand her the plate. "Couch day?"
When Harrison wasn't around, she didn't make a point of having dinner at the table, Cassie would let herself bend the rules she set a little to give her son more attention and quality time.
She nods, already shuffling towards the living room with her plate in hand. She plops down onto the couch, making herself comfortable, but she leaves just enough space beside her for you.
“Only if you bring me dessert after." She adds, grinning as she settles in.
You stop yourself, still up and look down at her on the couch, your hands going to your hips. "Oh, how rude." you mutter as you look at her trying to contain a smile.
Cassie's grin widens, eyes glimmering playfully, she leans back against the couch, making a show of crossing her legs and giving you a smug look.
"Rude? I'm just saying, I want a snack after and we both know you're whipped enough to bring it for me."
You keep your eyes on her, trying not to show how entertained you are by her teases.
You know she is right.
You mumble something as you sit at her side, god, you would even go out to buy her a dessert if that's what she wanted.
Cassie lets out a satisfied chuckle at your response, thoroughly enjoying the way this little banter is going. She leans into you, resting her feet in your lap and making another show of getting comfortable.
“Good." She praises, smirking at you. It seems like she's definitely going to push it today, just because she can, just because you two are alone after such a long time apart.
You start to massage her legs and feet without her even asking as you look at whatever she puts on the tv. "Shut up." You mutter at her without a single annoyance in your voice.
She smiles smugly to herself at this, thoroughly enjoying the way you seem to be indulging her every whim tonight. She makes a dramatic noise of stretching, arching her back, mostly because she knows how it looks with this particular shirt. She lets out a little sigh as you begin massaging her feet, letting her head fall back against the couch.
"So obedient." She murmurs, not even trying to mask the smug tone to her voice anymore. She reaches out to slide her hand in the strings of your hair, teasingly.
You move your eyes to her, side glancing as you feel her touch, your eyes narrow, you know so damn well how she is working right now.
"You need a rest after your long and hard day and this is your way of decompressing, huh?" You pretend to be serious.
She snorts. She knows exactly what you're implying, and is all too pleased to go along with the game. She lifts her head back up to peer at you with an air of mock-innocence, one hand still resting on top of your head.
“I am feeling a bit... stressed." She lowers her gaze through her lashes with a faux-helpless expression. Such an actress. “Perhaps I do need some… stress-relief."
"I noticed, giving me a hard time is a stress-relief." You say and nod in denial as you sigh with a half smile. Like she isn't just praising you in some way. Teasing too.
Mckay smirks, leaning forward slightly, just enough to invade your personal space and presses a quick kiss to your cheek before pulling back with a smug hum.
"Don't pretend you don't love it." She teases, stretching again and deliberately shifting her legs across your lap. "Now keep massaging."
You chuckle in disbelief but you go back to massage her anyway as you lean your back more comfortably against the couch. Cassie hums happily, settling further into the cushions as you resume your movements. She lets her head tilt to the side, watching you with half-lidded eyes, still smug, still teasing, but also just... content.
"Good..." She murmurs again, unable to resist.
"God, don't start." You mutter between teeth as you move your head, trying to not fall into the praises that will, in fact, drive you crazy, she knows it too much.
Her smirk widens at your reaction. She's well aware of the effect her words have on you. So she keeps going, testing your limits as she lets her legs fall open slightly, her shirt riding up her thighs.
Your eyes go at her as you notice her shirt moving in the side of your eyes.
"Oh, I think I will." Her already-teasing tone dropped half an octave lower. You can see how she is having too much fun with this now. "I like seeing you all obedient."
You tilt your head and close your eyes, taking a breath, before you move your head to look at her. You can feel your stomach warming up, she looks so good, she is driving you crazy.
"You are such an asshole.”
She laughs at your frustration, leaning back further, stretching her arms above her head with a pleased sigh as she stares at you.
"And yet." she murmurs, eyes gleaming with mischief. "You're still sitting there."
She wiggles her toes against your thigh, just to drive her point home and you swallow dry at her sight.
"You done with your food, Miss Cassie?" It's the only thing you can mumble as you try to change the subject and don't fall in her trap. You need to work early tomorrow.
Cassie rolls her eyes at the change of subject, but decides to give you a break for now. She pushes her now-empty plate away, stretching again with an exaggerated yawn.
"Yes, I'm done." She replies breezily, still feigning innocence. She lets her eyes slide over to you for a moment, gaze lingering over the line of your throat before she adds. "Are you going to get me that dessert now or do I have to beg?"
You chuckle dryly at her unbelievable words. "Oh, you are going to beg?" You chuckle again as you look at her in disbelief.
Mckay smirks, like you fell in her trap, lifting her chin defiantly in response to your question. She knows you're teasing her, but she's having too much fun to stop now. In one fluid motion, she shifts, moving to straddle your thighs in a single move, pinning you back against the couch. She leans forward, resting her forearms on your shoulders with a smirk.
"And what if I said yes?" She murmurs, her chest just barely grazing yours as she leans in even closer. “What if I said I'm going to beg... pretty please."
It's so sudden and so out of pocket that you don't even have time to react.
And even if you did, it would be the same.
Your face is fully warm, your eyes open as much as it can, your eyebrows up and your hands almost trembling against the couch.
Your breath gets stuck on your throat as you look at her and feel her. Your mouth is barely open, barely able to make a sound.
"I-I ah-" You start, swallow dry again. "I mean of course."
You don't even know what you are answering and she watches your reaction with an almost predatory delight, eyes half-lidded, lips curved into a smirk again that’s all challenge and smug amusement. She lingers there, pressing just enough weight into your lap to make sure you feel it, her fingers tracing the line of your collarbone lazily.
"Hm.” She hums, tilting her head as if considering something. "You’re cute when you’re flustered."
Cassie leans in, breath ghosting over your lips, close enough to tease, not close enough to kiss. "Now you say it."
"S-say what?" You mutter as you feel your eyes almost closing as you look at her, you can feel the pressure, you can feel your body and the back of your neck warming and how the sudden change of tone makes you crazy.
It makes your mind dizzy.
Cassie's smirk widens at your stammering, clearly enjoying getting this kind of reaction out of you. She presses a little harder against you, fingers tracing your collarbone with slow, almost teasing touch. Her eyes gleam with mischief as she leans in even closer, her voice dropping into a low, playful murmur.
"Beg me, baby." She taunts, her breath warm against your skin. She's so close now, her chest now fully pressed against yours, you can feel it.
"For your dessert?" You ask not having any idea, but too absorbed in her hands to notice anything else.
Your breath catches your throat and you feel like passing out, your hands go to her hips instantly, holding her.
Cassie lets out a soft laugh, the sound vibrating against your skin as she shifts slightly against you. She tilts her head, eyes dark with amusement as she looks down at you.
"No." she whispers, her lips hovering just above yours, agonizingly close, but not quite touching. "Beg me to kiss you.”
"Please kiss me." You whisper at the same instant that she talks, automatically following what she said.
Mckay's eyes darken with satisfaction as you respond immediately. She can't help but savor the power she has over you now, the way you're so willing, so eager to comply with her commands. She leans in closer, her lips brushing against yours so gently that it's almost excruciating.
"Good.” she murmurs, her words ghosting over your skin in a breathless sigh. She can tell how much you're struggling to hold back, and it fuels her teasing even more.
That makes you melt in her hands, your shoulders getting down as you breathe slowly, your eyes follow her like there is nothing else to look at in the world.
Your hands feel the skin of her lower stomach as you put your hands under her shirt and she lets out a shuddering breath when she feels your hands, her teasing faltering just slightly as she registers the warmth of your touch against her bare skin. She was so focused on flustering you that she hadn't anticipated how easily you could unravel her too. She recovers quickly though, leaning forward to press her lips against yours in a slow, deep kiss, one that makes her hands grip tighten against your shoulders.
“There.” she murmurs against your mouth when she pulls back slightly. "Happy?"
When she pulls back like nothing happened in the last minutes you lose your breath again, well, you start to breathe a little too much.
"Y-yeah." You mutter like you've been defeated in a fight.
Cassie laughs softly, shaking her head as she takes in your flustered expression. Seeing you flustered and slightly breathless does wonders for her ego, and she lets herself bask in the glory of knowing you have this reaction over her.
“So good.” she praises again, her tone both patronizing and affectionate. She presses a little kiss on the corner of your mouth before shifting her weight, settling more comfortably in your lap.
"Jesus, stop, I'm not going to be able to go out to get your dessert if you keep it." You mutter feeling your cheeks burning as you feel your body increasing temperature.
Cassie grins wickedly, shifting her hips deliberately, just enough to make you gasp. She knows exactly what she's doing, and she revels in it.
"Oh, I think you'll survive.” She teases, pressing a quick kiss to your cheek before pulling away completely, sliding off your lap with a satisfied hum. "Now go get my dessert." She orders, kicking her feet up onto the coffee table with a smug smirk. "I'll be right here."
"Oh, you are such-" You mutter as she leaves your lap. "Yeah, yeah, I will get your dessert." You sound annoyed as you look at her putting her feet up on the coffee table and she raises an eyebrow at the annoyance in your tone, a smug smirk playing at the corners of her lips.
"You look a little flustered, honey." She teases, her eyes gleaming as she leans back on the couch. "What, can't handle a little bit of teasing?"
"I won't even answer you." You say as you take a deep breath and get up quickly towards the kitchen, almost running away from her. Cassie laughs as she watches you almost run into the kitchen, she's thoroughly enjoying getting under your skin, relishing the flustered expression on your face. "What do you want? There is some ice cream… or I can actually go get something in the street.”
"Hmm, I think I'm in the mood for ice cream." She calls out from the living room. "And get me some chocolate syrup too, please.”
"Let me see if you have it..." You open the cabinets. "Oh yeah, no problem."
After you pick the things she asked for and two bowls and spoons, you wait a few more minutes so you can calm yourself down before going back to the living room.
"Here, my dear." You put the things on the little coffee table and flicker a finger against her feet.
Cassie watches you set everything down, stretching her arms before she reaches for the ice cream and syrup. She pours a generous amount over her bowl, deliberately taking her time, letting you wait as she swirls the chocolate in slow, teasing circles.
"Thanks, baby." She says sweetly, taking a slow bite before looking back up at you with a smirk. "Are you going to sit back down, or are you just gonna stand there staring?”
"I'm pondering." You keep your hands on your waist.
Cassie cocks an eyebrow at your response, her smirk growing even wider at your stubborn expression. She takes another slow, deliberate bite of her ice cream, watching you intently as she does so.
"And just what exactly are you pondering, honey?" She purrs, licking a bit of chocolate off the corner of her mouth with a slow, taunting motion.
"If I sit here or go to sleep in your bed for my shift tomorrow." You answer, but you already know what is happening anyway.
Cassie shakes her head, a small snort escaping her at your words. She knows just as well as you do that there is no way in hell that she's letting you leave tonight. In fact, she's half-tempted to tell you to lock the doors at this point, just so you would have more trouble leaving even if you wanted to.
"Nice try, but try again." She says, tilting her head slightly. "Come here, baby."
"If you really make me late tomorrow I will make the nurses get you."
Cassie hums in amusement as you reluctantly take a seat next to her, a satisfied smile on her face.
“Yeah, right. You love me too much to do that." She teases, placing a hand over your thigh as she takes another bite of ice cream. It's a possessive gesture, warm and she leaves it there as she continues speaking. "Besides, I've got a much better way to keep you here tonight."
"Oh yeah, does it involve ropes around my ankles and duct tape?" You mutter playful at her as you look at her favorite TV show on the tv screen.
Cassie smirks, tilting her head like she considers your joke, though something dark flashes in her eyes at the implication. She leans in closer, her voice lowering into something unusual.
"Mmm... maybe." She murmurs, lips brushing against your earlobe. "But I wouldn’t need ropes. You’d stay put just fine on your own."
Then she pulls back, patting your thigh lightly. "Now eat your damn ice cream before it melts."
"You are a pain." You mutter back feeling your ears red as she talks close to it. Then you get your bowl of ice cream and start to eat as you try to focus on the TV.
Cassie laughs, thoroughly enjoying getting a rise out of you. She watches as your face flushes, loving the way you get all flustered when she whispers in your ear. She leans back into the couch, savoring another spoonful of ice cream as she watches you. For a moment, she just enjoys the silence, but of course she gets bored and glances back at you with a sly smirk.
“You know, sweetheart... you are way too easy." She remarks offhandedly.
"You are probably the first person who says that."
McKay shakes her head slightly as she watches you stubbornly avoid looking at her. She knows you're trying to keep your cool, but there's no denying the tension in your shoulders and the way your jaw tenses subtly, she smiles to herself, silently amused by the way you struggle to keep it together.
"Yeah, you look super fine.” She remarks, voice dripping with sarcasm. "Totally calm and in control, definitely not all flustered at all.”
"I'm always like that." You mutter shrugging your shoulders like it's the truth as you eat.
Cassie rolls her eyes at your attempt to play it cool, thoroughly enjoying how stubborn you're being. She can see right through your attempts to seem unbothered, and it's taking all her willpower not to laugh at your facade.
"Oh, of course. I'm sure you always walk around blushing and struggling to look me in the eye." She quips, taking a bite of her own ice cream. "Definitely a sign of someone who has their emotions under control."
You glance over at her and it's a mistake, you move back to the TV as soon as your eyes land on her. Cassie laughs as she watches you quickly look away again, grinning widely at your obvious effort to avoid looking at her. Seeing you so clearly flustered is feeding her mind, making her feel more confident and playful.
"I mean, that was indeed a problem when I was trying so hard to make nobody notice how I liked you at work."
“Mhm, right, I'm sure you were totally subtle. No one had a clue."
"Dana once said to me that you were actually enjoying how I didn't say anything so you could keep teasing me and watch me fumble." You confess in a whisper. "God, she was right."
Cassie pauses mid-bite, her spoon hovering in the air as she registers your words. Then, slowly, her grin widens into some downright smug, her eyes shining with mischief.
"Oh, absolutely." She confirms, popping the spoon back into her mouth. "And I still do. Watching you fluster is one of my favorite pastimes."
"Yeah, I noticed, Doctor McKay." You mutter as you put the spoon on your mouth and bite it slightly.
Cassie laughs at your reply, eyes trailing over your face with a mixture of amusement and affection. She notices the way you bite your spoon, and it only serves to fuel her mind. She can't help but enjoy how worked up you're getting, even if you're trying your best to hide it.
“Oh, you're just so easy." *She teases again, her voice soft and almost mocking. "I can practically see how hard you're resisting the urge to look at me right now."
"You are just thinking too much about it, I'm fine, completely fine and ready to go to sleep."
You murmur as you put the ice cream bowl on the little table and rest your back on the couch again, one foot over the other resting on top of the coffee table, trying to play it cool.
She chuckles at your denial, shaking her head at how stubbornly determined you are to pretend you're ok. She can't help but find it hilariously adorable how hard you're trying to act normal, especially when she can practically hear the way your heart is probably thrumming in your chest. She watches you stretch out, putting your feet up with a deliberate nonchalance that's belied by the tension in your body.
"Right. You sure look totally relaxed there, sweetheart." She remarks sarcastically.
Cassie watches you fidget slightly, your posture too stiff, your breathing just a little too controlled, she leans in close, voice dropping to a whisper as she brushes a strand of hair behind your ear.
"Liar."
Then she leans back with a satisfied hum, stretching her arms above her head before kicking her feet up onto your lap again.
"But fine. Keep pretending." She teases, closing her eyes with a grin. “I’ll just enjoy watching you squirm."
Her smile softens as your fingers rest against her feet automatically. She can't help but find the simple gesture endearing, even if you're still refusing to look at her. The atmosphere between you is both teasing and comfortable, the silence punctuated only by the low hum of the TV. Her eyes stay closed, the faintest of grins on her lips.
She feels herself getting a little sleepy too, the weight of your hands on her feet a warm and soothing presence. But she's far from finished with her little game just yet…
Cassie cracks one eye open, glancing down at your hands before letting out a quiet, amused huff, she wiggles her legs slightly against your fingers, just to remind you she’s still awake, still scheming.
"You know..." she mumbles, voice thick with playful drowsiness. "I could get used to this." Her grin sharpens just a fraction as she adds. "Especially if you keep spoiling me."
You move your whole face to her as she speaks. Get used to this? You feel your heart stopping for a moment. It's like the words made you wake up.
"What do you mean?"
Cassie opens her other eye, peeking over at you with a sly grin. She sees the brief hint of panic on your face and almost has to stifle a chuckle. She loves how easy it is to mess with you, how just a few words can get you so awkward. She gives your hand an affectionate squeeze as she clarifies her comment.
“Having you at my beck and call, of course..." She explains, her voice laced with mock-innocence. "My personal footrest, masseuse… all that fun stuff.”
"Oh, oh." You mutter a little lower, she is still playful, saying things for banter and teases, you thought- Well never mind. "Well, of course." You say after you clean your throat.
McKay notices the slight lowering of your voice and the subtle gulp you try to hide, and for a moment, she wonders if she's gone too far. She lets out a quiet chuckle and gives your hand another gentle little squeeze.
"Mmm, you're too easy to tease, baby." She purrs quietly. "You really thought I meant something else, didn't you?”
"No, no, I was just confused." You say quietly, almost introspective, as you stare a bit too much and intensely at the TV, your hands don't move against her skin, just stay there, like all of your body.
She raises an eyebrow, thoroughly enjoying the way you're trying to deflect, unsuccessfully. She watches the way your fingers stiffen slightly against her skin, and notices how your shoulders have locked up again. She’s known you long enough to read between the lines.
She stretches her legs out slightly, just enough to press herself against your stomach, before grinning lazily. "Sure, honey." She drawls, voice dripping with playful sarcasm. "Just confused."
She leans back against the couch again, closing her eyes. "Keep telling yourself that."
"Just- don- don't joke about that." You say in a different tone as you swallow dry, you know it's your mistake to expect things, but still...
Cassie pauses at the sudden seriousness in your voice. She opens her eyes again, studying your face in concern. Despite her earlier teasing, she can see a hint of something else there, maybe vulnerability or uncertainty. She sits up slightly, her earlier playfulness slipping slightly as she reaches out to touch your cheek gently.
"Hey..." She murmurs, her tone gentler now. "Did I push too far? I was just playing around. I didn't mean-”
"No, no, it's alright." You murmur to her as you feel her kind touch, your eyes still not on her, You know you are the one who read it wrong. "I just didn't understand and thought you meant something else."
Cassie purses her lips, still concerned as you insist it is fine. She can see the tension in your eyes, the way you still avoid her gaze, but even now, you're too damn stubborn to admit that you misread her intentions, that you got your hopes up over a simple little tease. She lets out a low sigh, her hand cupping your jaw lightly.
"Look at me." She says gently.
You move your eyes reluctantly at her, your mouth shut almost in a pout, you feel somewhat silly. Cassie's expression softens as you finally meet her gaze, a pang of guilt and affection stabbing at her chest for something she doesn't even know. There's something so damn endearing about your stubborn pout, even as you look at her with a mix of embarrassment and defiance. She reaches out to smooth her fingers over your brow, as if easing away the furrows there.
"Hey, hey. Don't pout at me." She murmurs, her tone both exasperated and fond. "You're such a dumbass."
"Shut up." You say with care as you move your eyes out of her face.
Cassie laughs quietly as you turn your head away again, still pouting like a child who's just had their toy taken away. She moves her hand from your face to lightly pinch your side, unable to resist teasing you just a little more.
"Don't you tell me to shut up, honey." She murmurs. "Not my fault you are-"
You sigh, a little frustrated. "It is not my fault you gave the implication of wanting to live with me and it wasn't that."
You only noticed what you said after you said it.
You contain the urge to not slap your own face, you sigh after and move one hand to scratch over your cheeks and eyes. Fuck.
Cassie's expression shifts from amusement to surprise, her hand freezing in mid-air for a moment. Her eyebrows shoot into her hairline as her brain struggles a little to process what you just admitted, her eyes widening slightly. The way you said that, the slight frustration and disappointment in your voice, tells her you're being serious and she backs off with the teasing.
She moves her hand to your chin, gently tugging your face back towards her again.
"Is that what you thought?” She murmurs, voice soft.
You sigh, not looking at her, one hand staying going to the back of your neck as you lean forwards to the front of the couch, like you want to get up and run from your confession.
"I just- god, sorry." You murmur not wanting to say much, feeling stupid for the misinterpretation.
Cassie tightens her grip slightly on your chin, stopping you from leaning away completely. She knows you're embarrassed, she can practically feel the heat radiating off you from the wrong things, but she also knows that ignoring this won't help either of you. She shifts closer, her expression uncharacteristically serious as she studies your face.
"No, don't apologize, talk to me."
"I don't know what to say." You murmur back, still not looking at her.
Cassie exhales softly, watching you withdraw into yourself. She hates seeing you like this, so closed off, so unsure. Normally, she'd tease you relentlessly, but right now, she just wants you to look at her. She leans forward slightly.
"Then don't say anything." she whispers. "Just tell me one thing."
She pauses for a moment.
"Did you want me to mean it?"
"Of course, I wanted." You say between your teeth, your eyes going to her and then drifting to the side again.
Your fingers grip her couch and Cassie's chest clenches at your pained tone, at the way you avoid her gaze. She can feel your emotions radiating off you, disappointment, embarrassment, frustration, vulnerability and the urge to soothe them is overwhelming, but she has to ask another question first, even if she thinks she already knows the answer.
"How long, honey?" She asks quietly.
"How long what?" You ask, finally moving your gaze to her. You don't want any misinterpretation in this conversation anymore.
She holds your gaze steadily, her eyes searching yours intently, trying to read all the feelings you're trying to keep hidden. She knows you're avoiding what she's asking, but she knows you too well. She's not going to let you brush this aside.
"How long have you wanted me to mean it?" She clarifies softly, her thumb tracing over your chin. "How long have you been hoping, waiting...?"
"It's not like I'm counting days or I have a problem with coming over and staying and then leaving or anything like that..." You mutter as you try to explain. "It's just a thought that crosses my mind sometimes and when you said it like that I thought-"
You sigh.
"I know it's stupid, I'm sorry, this makes it so uncomfortable."
Cassie listens to you carefully, watching the way your eyes dart around, the tension in your jaw, the way your hand grips the edge of the couch a little tighter. She can feel the guilt and embarrassment from you, and it makes her heart clench.
She shakes her head slowly, gently cutting you off before you can spiral any further.
"It's not stupid.” Her voice is soft. “There's nothing wrong with wanting something, honey."
"Well... doesn't feel like that right now." You murmur with your eyes on the floor and you wish it could just open and swallow you.
Cassie's expression softens, her heart breaking for how lost and vulnerable you look right now. The sight of you so uncomfortable and unsure, when you're usually so confident and strong, makes her want to do anything to take the pain away.
She reaches out, gently grasping your chin and urging you to look at her, her voice low and serious.
"You're not stupid. And you're not wrong for wanting more.”
"But it is not a problem the way it is, you understand?" You say making eye contact, your hands going in the air to gestures. "I don't want you feeling like- I don't know, I don't want to put ideas in your head and these things, I am happy with you the way it is and this is your home with Harrison and I don't want you to feel pressured and-"
You start spiraling again, but this time out loud.
"And then you feel like I'm not wrong for wanting more but you aren't able to give this more right now and then you will drift apart because of this and God-" You take a breath, you are losing yourself here. "It is fine, it is fine."
Cassie frowns as you spiral, your hands gesturing wildly, your voice escalating with each frantic reassurance. She can practically see the panic rising in you, the fear of ruining what you two already have. She reaches out, grabbing both of your wrists gently and pressing your palms flat against her chest, like she is forcing you to stop and calm down.
"Breathe," she says firmly. "You're getting ahead of yourself. Just breathe, baby.”
She waits until you exhale before continuing, her voice softer now.
“You don't get to decide for me what I can or can't handle. You don't get to assume I don't want the same thing." She lets go of your wrists, but keeps her hands resting against your chest, grounding you. "Now, do you wanna try this conversation again slowly or are we done?"
You shut your mouth as she speaks, she is right, of course she is. You should listen to what she has to say, you shouldn't just suppose.
"Of course you can talk." You nod quietly at her.
McKay smiles wryly at your tone, both amused and relieved that you're actually listening now, but even as her heart melts at the way you go from stubborn idiot to eager to please in seconds, she knows there's still a serious conversation to be had.
“Ok, that's better.” She murmurs, a hint of satisfaction in her voice, she shifts closer, resting her hands on your thighs. "Now... I want you to shut up and listen to me, alright?"
"Yeah." You murmur and nod at her again.
Her hands moving slowly up and down your thighs in a soothing gesture. She takes a moment to really look at you, the way you're almost refusing to meet her gaze, the tension in your shoulders, the way you keep fidgeting with your hands. You're usually so self-assured, so confident in everything, but right now you look like a scared little kid trying to keep the emotions in, you are scared of messing things up with her.
For a second, her heart just wants to scoop you up in a hug, but... she resists.
Cassie exhales slowly, tilting her head slightly as she studies your face, your avoidance, your tension, your restless hands. She’s spent so much time teasing you tonight, but now? Now she just wants you to listen.
“Do you honestly think…. that after everything, after all the times I’ve dragged you into my bed, after all the ways I’ve let you in, that I wouldn’t want you here permanently?"
Her fingers tighten on your thighs, not enough to hurt, just enough to make sure you’re paying attention.
"Stop assuming what I want or don’t want."
"It is just- I didn't want to make you feel like you needed to act on it, you know?" You sigh. "I didn't want to pressure you into something."
Cassie rolls her eyes, but her expression remains soft. She leans in slightly, her fingers tapping lightly against your thigh as she gives you a pointed look.
"Do I look like someone who does things she doesn’t want to do?" She asks dryly. "Please. If I didn’t want you here, trust me, you’d know.”
And you know she is right, she sighs, shaking her head slightly before continuing.
"I invited you into my life, my home, my son’s life, you think I did that just for fun? You think I would’ve let you stay so much if I didn’t want you here?" Her voice softens, fingers going to squeeze gently around your wrist. "Stop overthinking it."
That makes sense, a lot of sense, way too much sense.
And you feel a little bad for not getting it and going afraid over something you assumed in your head.
She is so assured, she definitely doesn't do shit that she doesn't want to and is also very protective of Harrison.
"Okay." It's the only answer you can think of.
Cassie watches your reaction, your sudden realization, the way your cheeks flush even darker and she can’t help but smirk. You look so damn cute when you’re embarrassed, especially when it’s because you’ve just realized something that should’ve been obvious to you long ago.
She leans forward, pressing a slow, deliberate kiss to your forehead, partly because she knows it’ll fluster you even more, partly because she just wants to.
"Good." She murmurs against your skin, pulling back just enough to smirk at you. "Now stop making me spell things out for you."
"Sorry." A half smile on your face.
Cassie grins, satisfied by your repentant tone. She loves how quickly you go from stubborn to obedient, how easy it is to make you fall in line. She reaches up, gently pinching your blushing cheek.
“See? You do know how to be good." A smirk. Then, just to see what happens, she adds in a low, soft murmur. "Or maybe you just need a firm hand to remind you occasionally."
"Yours actually." You answer back to her with a little smile, still a little embarrassed by the whole thing.
Cassie lets out a delighted laugh at your response, her smirk widening, she leans in, her voice dropping to a husky murmur.
"Oh, you are perfect, my dear.” She presses a quick, teasing kiss to your lips before pulling back just enough to smirk at you again. "Just no more assumptions..."
“Yeah, right, no more assumptions.” You say reassuring her and she grins, clearly more calm with your response, both the words and the playful smile you give. She gives your thigh a light pat before settling back against the couch, stretching her legs back onto your lap.
"Good." She hums. “Now, are you going to get more ice cream or are you just gonna let it melt while you keep staring at me?"
Her smirk says she already knows the answer.
"I think I prefer to stare at you." You say as you move your hands to rest on her legs again as you look at her.
Cassie arches an eyebrow, but her smirk deepens at your admission. She shakes her head slightly, amused, but not at all surprised by your response.
“Idiot.” She teases lightly, shifting her legs slightly in your lap. “But adorable."
She reaches for her own bowl, taking another slow bite of her - basically liquid now - ice cream, but she doesn’t complain about you watching. In fact, she seems perfectly content to let you stare.
She actually laughs quietly to herself after some minutes, thoroughly enjoying the fact that you're still looking at her instead of the TV. She finishes off the dessert, setting the bowl aside before shifting slightly, almost like she's deliberately trying to get you to look at her again.
"Y'know.” She remarks casually after a few minutes of silence. "You're pretty bad at hiding how much you like looking at me."
I should be doing college stuff like my final project, but these last days I am literally waking in the middle of the night with ideas for dialogue and ways to make Cassie McKay fall in love, omfg somebody sedate me
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