ctdrconfessions

confessions from ctdrs!! all confessions posted no matter owners opinions run by li (ctdrrants)

[ctdrconfessions]

wanna confess something about being CTDR, but are afraid to post it on your account?

post it here! either dm me or use the “ask me anything” feature :3 (be sure to turn on the “anonymous” toggle!)

this account is unbiased and ALL confessions will be posted, no matter others views on said confession. please keep confessions relevant to being ctdr!!!

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Like they seriously just be looking white with hooded eyelids 🤣🤣 so far from Asian

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Why do we need to lie 90% of ctdr don't even pass we just tell them they do to not make them cry 🤣

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im kind of curious how ctdr people "decide" on an ethnicity. i've seen some people describe it as a painful(?) experience, or similar to gender dysphoria where it's not something you choose, while others say that something "clicked" once they started researching their cultures. how do you differentiate between "liking" a culture vs taking on what comes with being it? i guess everyone has their own experience and its natural to grow into yourself/have things change over time, but for many ctdrs it seems like their de changes whenever they "discover" or take interest in another culture, and once that interest fades so does that piece of their identity. it makes me wonder how exactly ctdrs can be so sure of what their dr is when it seems to change all the time, and if there's so many niche ethnic groups in each country, how exactly they can research, or if they even do research every single one? do they decide by what looks the best? or what seems most appealing? what about ethnic groups that have very little research done on them, how can you be sure that you're not meant to be that ethnicity?

idk maybe im just overthinking this x_x, but tldr how can you be 100% sure on your de if there's so many ethnicities out there, and when you do decide on your de, are you only "wanting to be it" because you like your own interpretation of it? like how to stop doubting your intentions i guess, and making sure the idea you have of a culture isn't biased. i've yet to see a concrete answer to this, and maybe attaining one isn't possible as most just say being their de "made them feel comfortable" or that they "connected to the culture" without looking deeper into what that truly means.

(sorry for late response… gulp)

if ur following only for confessions, ignore!!! li opinion time 😛

so i really cant speak for everyone here…… and if im being honest……….. i fear a LOT of ctdrs base their connection to their dr/de on what they like about said culture, and their own personal beliefs and ties to it.

as human beings, we naturally have an instinct that makes us get “pulled” towards things we know, and ignore things we dont. this can be seen in repeat situations as this article https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC8784036/ (at least in the beginning. i havent read fully through) brings up with rings on the left hand subconsciously meaning marriage to us, because just like any other animal—we like patterns! and rings being on the left hand consistently means marriage in our society. we like being able to look at something and know that it is a part of a series, etc.

how does this connect to some ctdrs, you may ask? because again—as humans, we look for patterns. for many ctdr, that means looking at a culture and seeing a reference to something known to them.

as an example: someone may identify as korean due to noticing k-pop’s (obvious) connection to korea. or maybe its in the smaller things, like the architecture where they live being similar, or their school work being similar, or their friends. we look for patterns, things to recognize in everything—and then connect to that thing.

okay im kind of diverging from the topic back on the right road now

but generally theres no way to completely eliminate bias from your decisions. if someone asked you to choose between a vanilla cupcake and a chocolate one based on which YOU believe would be more liked by the general public, whatever answer you give in and of itself is biased BECAUSE youve been around others who have told you that ___ answer is more correct, or maybe more people in your life choose ___ answer.

so i wont lie to you and say that im not biased when it comes to my race, because i am 🤷 but i will tell you WHY im connected to it (at least personally)

this is honestly a really hard thing to explain so pls plspls bear with me. but like. imagine theres three islands around you. your connections (think friends, family), your culture, and your being. b-but wait!!!!! something feels off…. WHOOPS! seems like ur culture island has a huge crack in it!!! but youve always kinda known that so no need to make a big deal about it…… right…….. WRONG! now ur culture islands crack keeps getting bigger and bigger and- dude. theres glue. right the freak there. so you use the culture glue to smother it all over and uh… yeah it keeps cracking. so eventually ur like “maybe i get new island” so you get a new culture island! completely new to you. whoops… cracking again……. and the cycle repeats over and over until… GASP! theres this culture island… and when you put it in the little divot made specifically for that islands place, it fits in like a glove and doesnt crack!

um i dont really know how to explain it otherwise lowkey.

as for like. specific ethnic groups, its just like the little island puzzle. for most its just a TON of trial and error until you get there. some get it immediately, some dont. some dont ever try, either. but generally youre able to tell when something is right for you immediately—like being chinese was for me!

The unconscious bias that plagues our police departments is the same unconscious bias that plagues business in the form of employee oppressi

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this is actually so cooked

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TELL ME I'M NOT CRAZY FOR FINDING WEIRD AND POINTLESS PPL TELLING PPL THAT IT'S OKAY TO NOT TRANSITION???? Like you just adding ctdr to your labels but not transitioning??? Then you ain't ctdr if you're not transitioning????? Or the people telling other it's okay if you don't learn your language or culture????? NO that make you a fethishiser wtffffff????? You just want the looks bro atp💔💔💔💔 their reasoning is that non ctdr people don't necessarily know the language or the culture but in the context of ctdr it's completely different!!!! LIKE YOU CAN'T COMPARE CTDR TO NON CTDR PEOPLE

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the ctdr community was so doomed when people on TikTok found it. Now if you’re anywhere but tumblr (and sometimes even on tumblr) you get either harassed and called racist and or an Asian fetishiser depending on your race or you get called ragebait. It sucks, and i wish it would just stop and everyone would forget about ctdr people.

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I can't with the "transrace" tiktok community no more AND I FUCKING HATE THAT WORD

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The ctdr community shouldn't even be easily and free to access cuz there's so many people with bad intentions including fethishisers that consider themselves ctdr and "valid" while they aren't 🤣🤣 they're literally the reason why we are so frowned upon and we don't even throw tomatoes at em cuz a random invalid race fluid or whatever the word is btch told us not to, like yeah keep protecting your own people who harm REAL COMMUNITIES WITH BACKGROUND

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Ctdrtiktok is dead and beyond saving atp. Everyone has either quit, on break, or just doesn’t post anymore. I think a lot of it has to do with how a lot of the most popular people don’t post much anymore and also people just don’t have any video ideas. But considering all the trouble and drama ctdrs have caused on tt maybe this is for the better.

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being Rcta to a race from an East Asian country is hell. Tell me why people in THE SAME COMMUNITY AS ME look down on me because someone people take advantage of the Rcta label to fetishise Japanese and Korean cultures. It’s so frustrating.

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what does ctdr mean? i have been looking all over but nobody uses anything but an acronym for it and its kinda pmo

hai guys i made a post abf it a while ago and idk how to link posts so im just putting the link here……. (I LIED I COPY AND PASTED THE LINK ABD IT WORJED GIGGLES)

Post by @ctdrconfessions

💬 0  🔁 1  ❤️ 1 · hey so what does CTDR mean? HI im so sorry it took me forever to reply!!! ctdr stands for change to desired race—basica

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does anyone else being ctdr/esu lowkey have some kind of ancestral guilt?? like.. i feel like i *should* be feeling guilty towards my ancestors because after everything they fought for to get me here i don't want to be associated with them. NOT that i hold any animosity towards my old ethn or anything but i just mourn it yk, because of the effects of colonization there's barely any of my original culture left. knowing they survived through ethnic cleansing, cultural/linguistic genocide, etc. all for me to sit here acting ungrateful, being drawn to other cultures that were well-preserved just because they didn't have to fight to survive in the same way my ethnic group did. i'm all for accepting every downside of a culture, but knowing that my ancestors were massacred, barely any of the culture is left today, and how my people STILL are not free is too painful to bear. the modern version of my culture definitely does not suit me, but knowing that there could've, or would've been a version out there that did if not for colonialism just makes me sad.

[ctdrconfessions]

(hii this is a response to your google form about opinions on transblack people, i submitted it here too since i wanted to get your thoughts if thats okay! <3) :

i think any race should be equally valid, but in reality a lot of people dont treat them the same. it definitely is more rare since the majority of transrace people that i've interacted with/seen, their cisrace was either black or white.

the concept in itself is valid, but people actually doing it in practice is harder to come by just due to how black people are treated and viewed worldwide.

it is everywhere, but especially in transracial spaces there's a lot of colorism. there's pages upon pages of tips on how to get lighter skin to "pass better", but rarely any representation for south asian, west/east/central african, caribbean, west asian/"middle eastern", etc. people. its almost become a default that people want to get lighter to "look prettier," and even in the transracial community its difficult to escape colorist beauty standards.

this is just my personal opinion, and obviously doesnt go for absolutely everyone, but i feel like many people who's cisrace is white that identify with a non-white race, are usually doing so to escape white guilt--and on the opposite side of the spectrum, many people who's cisrace is black that identify with a non-black race, are usually doing so to escape internalized racism and or colorism. again, im not saying this goes for 100% of people, but its a pattern ive noticed, and something that should be considered, if you take into account that the majority of this community consists of impressionable minors who are being shown these colorist beauty standards, and are made to believe that looking that way is the only route into feeling better about their racial identity.

ive seen people who's cisrace is black, sometimes will transition to another poc identity (east asian, central asian, even hispanic) because they view the racism those communities face as being "not as bad" as the racism they faced being black. just in total i feel like the racism specifically east asians and other ethnic groups that are called the "white people of poc" face, is never taken seriously, because it is in large parts fetishization. fetishization, microaggressions, infantilization and the idolization of ethnic features still are all forms of racism, but time and time again it seems like theyre constantly compared to more violent or "direct" acts of racial discrimination, and therefore never taken seriously.

because race is such a personal topic, its difficult to be blunt about trends in the community like this without it being seen as being an "anti" or "invalidating," when really there are many people who might just be misguided, in need of representation to show them that their skintone/ethnic features arent something that they need to change/be ashamed of, or something they need to "fix", and or just need more time to grow into themselves.

i think by not addressing these things to avoid stepping toes, the issue will only get worse and worse, and if anything because transrace is based on the notion of race being a social construct, shouldnt be we addressing these things? saying that race is a social construct doesnt instantly make the discrimination and internalized racism that said construct causes go away.

idk, sorry for the yap but yes i believe transblack people are valid, but even in a community that claims to be accepting of all races, its difficult for people to express an identity like this due to how everything still seems to cater to and revolve around proximity to whiteness.

[ctdrconfessions]

a continuation of my previous confession regarding distancing with the community

i have continued to not interact with rena, and its allowing me to find new experiences without immediately panicking of being a weird fetishist or somebody who just switches around ethnic backgrounds

ive understood myself as a ctdr and that its okay to not exactly look like your de, and that its okay to look racially ambiguous because of how the world grows. even tho my dr is wasian, it doesnt even feel like my old race could be white. in fact, im thinking i was even wasian from birth or maybe its just affirmations working. i dont use subliminals, as i simply dont have the patience for that and i rather listen to my own music. you can avoid doing the same methods the rena shoves down your throat, you can live on without needing the appearance transition, and even avoiding the language depending on the circumstance.

* what i mean by avoiding the language, is if you arent able to while having school, a job, lack of resources. i really mean it only in this context because its important to not stress yourself when you physically cant take up learning a whole different way of verbalizing yourself.

i really think that allowing yourself to not primarily focus on your de helps a lot, it allows you to not feel blocked and stuck. it allows you to not obsess and trap yourself regarding how you feel. look out on different cultures, look out on the world and history. look at everything. allow yourself to grow, especially since this community is primarily kids or teenagers, you need to look out and experience different things in order for you to develop fully. yes, im not saying to abandon your transition, but to allow it to control you as a person. thanks for reading :)

[ctdrrants]

btw i need people to answer to a form i made on thoughts on people who are transitioning to black 😇 please PLEASE REPLY IM BEGGING 💔

btw anyone can respond… heh

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lowkey desperate……….

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the fact that " you don ' t pass " is becoming the thing renas say to put each other down is genuinely so disappointing because why are we trying to make people dysphoric . . . ?