i think about it a ton. even with their intimate history, mike found himself pinking at the confession. he wasn’t ignorant to the fact that he had some sort of appeal – a conventionally simple face alongside a quieter personality that was somehow “enough” for a handful of people to lust over. he had little trouble with finding attraction in the past (post high school) and sexual intimacy had been a part of his life for years. still – there were lovers of his that resembled works of art. there were those who made his eyes blurry with awe, those whose plump lips and long lashes and warm thighs kept mike awake at night. and shawn had that level of beauty. it went beyond waves of muscles and cute curls, and more to do with the tone of his voice, the cheeky grin behind an unfunny joke, the taste of lips in the morning. and being seen and desired by someone mike had already considered a surreal kind of pretty – surprised him every. single. time.
filled with the overwhelming need to voice that exact thought, mike murmured with a seriousness he rarely followed, “i know. trust me, i’ll wait forever if y’want me to. just… m’just honestly kinda relieved you feel that way s’all. i know i make it sound like a joke everytime i talk ‘bout how ‘you’re shawn’ or whatever – but i mean it. i uh. s’not every day y’meet someone who blows you away in every sense of the word, and that someone likes your company. nevertheless wants you.” as he babbled, his voice trickled lower in volume – confidence waning in lieu of his unintended vulnerability. (he was working on it.)
a pause. mike cleared his throat. “anyway,” he propped an elbow up, cheek pressing against the palm as he watched the young man under smitten eyes. his tongue dragged over his bottom lip, and under another wave of realization, he spoke. “cool. we’re boyfriends.”
with each passing moment, shawn felt weaker under mike’s stare. he wasn’t easily intimidated but the musician would never forget the way he felt before he texted mike back in january. he was spitting words into a text, completely unsure of if mike would entertain him with a response. shawn remembered he texted him something stupid -- the details were vague but he knew the idea of a sushi burrito was mentioned. it was just pointless banter at that point. he didn’t think they’d end up discussing labels under the northern lights, have a fight in toronto, or spend weeks together in los angeles. when he sent that initial text to try and catch up, he surely didn’t think they’d be laying in their bed in vegas while hashing out the details about how private their relationship might be. the younger man felt oddly nostalgic as he combed through so many of the memories they already had together.
his thumb slid back and forth across the male’s cheek slowly, giving shawn an excuse to maintain contact with mike. he took in every word, pausing so that when he spoke, he said exactly what he meant. then the followup hit. anyway, he’d heard. “you can’t just go all mushy on me and then cover it up before i have a chance to get mushy back, dude.” the brunette sucked in his bottom lip. “’course i want you. it scares me, y’know? the fact that i could want anyone this much can be ... really intimidating.” shawn pressed his forehead against mike’s, meeting his pretty eyes. “i’m not ... like, i don’t know. i’m not anything special. then about six months ago i started texting you and i started seeing myself the way you see me -- and i really like that version of me. the version that you see, y’know? you’re the best, faist. so of course i want you.”
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