Cuckquette

I am a slut. And I am, for the first time in my life, owned by a man who knows exactly how I need to be treated. I belong to him completely. I love him in a way I’ve never loved anything else. It’s both amazing and a little terrifying to know we’ve only scratched the surface…

[cuckquette]

Sometimes it just really helps to hear it.

[cuckquette]

I met one of Sir’s girlfriends for the first time last night.

I was ridiculously nervous and excited and shy. Worried she wouldn’t like me, worried she wouldn’t find me attractive...worried for no reason. It went so well. Better than I could have hoped. And I get see her again soon.

It feels almost surreal. It’s hard to believe these things are finally happening. But they are.

I might have to ask Sir to pinch me. A lot.

[cuckquette]

Rub

Last night Sir had me strip down to my thong and lay next to Him with all His clothes still on. He slid His leg between my thighs, guided my hand to the bulge in His jeans, wrapped His arms around me, pinched my nipple, and told me to rub His hard cock through His pants and to rub my pussy against His leg.

And for a while, that was all He let me do. I asked to kiss Him and He said no; I asked to take His cock out and worship it and He said no. He wanted me right where I was, humping His leg and desperately trying to stroke His cock through His jeans, moaning against His neck, getting wetter and wetter as I squirmed in His arms. He kept my nipple pinched between His fingers as He told me what a needy, pathetic little slut I am. How He knows He can always bring it out of me, no matter how shy I might be feeling beforehand – a few words from Him and permission to grind myself against His leg and I become nothing but His whore.

Eventually, He did kiss me; eventually, He did let me take His cock out and slide it down my throat; eventually, He fucked me, hard and deep until He came. But after He left, even with the plug filling my well-fucked ass, it was the feeling of being naked in His arms, grinding myself on His thigh that I was thinking about as I rubbed my hand against my wet and empty pussy.

[cuckquette]

Sir doesn’t usually fuck girls on the first date.

The girl on Monday begged Him to. When He refused she begged to suck His cock. But the only thing He put inside her were His fingers.

If she’s a good girl, she’ll get more.

(And if I’m a good girl, He'll put those fingers inside me and show me exactly what He did to her.)

[cuckquette]

New Rule

I am allowed to edge anytime I want...

As long as I have either the plug or His cock in my ass.

[cuckquette]

Sir got back around 2am last night. I woke up as soon as He came in but I stayed in bed, waiting. He climbed into the bed, pulled me over to Him. “We had fun,” He told me, and then He pushed my head down.

I went slowly, just trying to taste every inch of Him. I could taste her lingering there - subtle, unmistakable. He was hard again even as He was telling me how He’d come on her big pretty tits.

He let me clean His cock like that for a few delicious minutes before He made me stop. Good girls aren’t greedy.

[ingtld-deactivated20191130]

Types of cuckquean

A cuckquean is a girl who gets off on her man having sex with other girls but there are several different types. The girls he has sex with can be referred to as “vixens”, “other women”, “mistresses”, “girlfriends” or the slightly awkward “cuckcakes”. Note that while I talk about sex here some cuckqueans can focus more on the relationship and romance element. Here’s a list of some common types. It’s not unusual for an individual cuckquean to share traits from different categories.

Compersive cuckquean

Takes pleasure in the pleasure of her man, other girls, or both of them together. Focused on their happiness and enjoyment in a sexual or altruistic way. You could describe it as the opposite of jealousy although in practise both will mix.

Humiliation cuckquean

Sexually aroused by humiliation and has found her man having sex with other girls to be an effective way to achieve it. Can be based around just her man or the girls, both in combination, or the idea of being in some way publicly shamed for being cheated on or taken advantage of.

Voyeuristic cuckquean

Her main enjoyment comes from voyeurism and so simply likes to watch her man have sex with other women. Not always directly watching but listening to, watching video or even just hearing a description.

Submissive cuckquean

Sexually submissive and explores that through the potential power imbalance between her man and herself as a cuckquean.

Raceplay cuckquean

Primarily focused on raceplay and interracial sex. She either likes her man to have sex with girls of other races, or if the relationship itself is already interracial may like to see him have sex with girls of the same race as he is. Sometimes there will be a focus on one particular race, other times it will be a broader interest.

Pragmatic cuckquean

Uses the cuckquean fetish as a way of solving a problem like being too controlling or jealous or confronting feelings of paranoia about being cheated on or betrayed. She might not actually become a cuckquean in real life because just exploring the idea can be enough to resolve her issues. If she does though, it’s likely that she’ll naturally find herself falling into one or more of the other categories here.

Lesbian cuckquean

Usually in denial about being a lesbian she finds herself extremely attracted to other girls but lives vicariously through her man’s vixens. Jumps at the first opportunity to have sex with them, rationalising her feelings away by calling it “just a threesome” or that she’s being “forced” to serve other girls by them or her man. Sometimes not in denial at all but deliberately and purposely trying to live as a straight girl using the cuckquean fetish as a kind of pressure release valve or even to avoid straight sex.

Non-consensual cuckquean

Not a cuckquean naturally but forced into it as part of a consensual non-consent relationship. Forced meaning compelled by her own committent. In other words she’s agreed to hand over control of her sexuality and consent to a man and one of the ways he expresses and tests that control is by having sex with other girls.

Cheating cuckquean

Trying to learn how to be a cuckquean in response to being cheated on. For whatever reason has decided that she doesn’t want to end the relationship just because of her man’s infidelity. Could be because she loves him too much or even blames herself for his affairs. Sometimes his cheating triggers the realisation she was a cuckquean all along.

[cuckquette]

Interestingly, I seem to fall into some mix of the first four categories. Cuckquean is one of those kinks that just dares you to try and explain it.

[cuckquette]

Out of Practice

Sir spanked me last night. Not for a serious infraction - I had neglected to answer a text He’d sent me. Ten spanks, that’s all. But by the end of it I felt like I just wanted to crumple up on the floor and cry.

I feel so fragile sometimes after punishments. Even if it’s not for something serious; even if I know He’s not angry or upset or even very disappointed. Even if it’s just ten spanks with His hand, hard enough to hurt but not hard enough to leave any marks the day after. I felt weakened by some awful need - for something, but I don’t know what. To be soothed, comforted? To be left alone? To be fucked? To be hit more, harder, until this weakness is driven out of me?

Sir took me in His arms afterwards and lay with me for a while. I told Him, haltingly, what I was feeling. And He told me how it feels after lifting weights when you’re out of practice. The way muscles ache after they’ve gone unused too long. How the pain can be so bad that if you didn’t know what it was, you might think that you were dying. But instead it feels good, because you know what it is. You know it’s the feeling of your muscles, strained, torn, healing themselves up, putting themselves back together. Stronger.

(This pain is, ironically enough, called DOMS.)

My disused muscles were aching a little bit last night. Outside of sex, our D/s dynamic has been less emphasized in recent months. There are a number of reasons for this, but suffice to say that rules and punishments have not been at the forefront of our relationship for a while. And it feels strange and frightening to admit it, but I had almost begun to forget what they feel like.

I am very out of practice.

All I could do last night is what one does for any sore muscle - I took a hot shower and got a good night’s sleep. By this morning, the fragile feeling had passed. I don’t know if I feel stronger yet. But I hope that in this case, practice will make perfect - or at least close enough.

[cuckquette]

Four and a half years ago, when I met Sir, I could not orgasm during sex unless I was using a vibrator. I couldn’t really orgasm at all unless I was using a vibrator - and I had to use it for a while.

No partner had ever made me come. I felt broken, but I figured my body was just “like that.”

A year after I met Him, we started orgasm denial.

Less than a year into it, Sir made me come by fingering my pussy.

Two years into it, He made me come by rubbing my clit as He fucked my ass.

Three and a half years into it, He made me come from riding His cock.

All accidents, but all, it seemed, miracles. The orgasms that I used to have to chase down with a vibrator were suddenly bursting out of me - from His fingers, from His cock, during sex, during sleep. My broken body was suddenly responding in a way it had never responded to anyone or anything.

We’re almost four years into it now, and a few days He brought me right to the edge just by putting His fingers inside me.

My body was never broken. It just wasn’t being used correctly.

[cuckquette]

His toy

[cuckquette]

(He let me come again.)

(On purpose. While He was fucking my ass.)

(And maybe I’m just not very good at orgasm denial, because it felt amazing.)

[cuckquette]

Have you ever wanted to watch yourself getting fucked?

Because I have.

Or maybe a better way to say it would be: I want to watch myself getting fucked by Him.

I’m not sure how much this ties into the cuckquean thing, i.e. I want to watch Him fuck me for one of the same reasons I want to watch Him fuck other girls - because I want to watch Him fuck. I don’t think it’s just voyeurism or a desire to watch people fuck, generically - I could watch porn for that. I want to watch Him.

He has a mirror next to His bed and occasionally I catch glimpses of us in it. His back and shoulders, His shifting muscles, the sheen of sweat on His skin, the intentionality and the unexpected grace of His movements. My body fitted perfectly beneath Him. Porn has nothing on that.

(And even if I’m twisted around and folded up like a pretzel, it’s hard to be self-conscious of the way my body looks in that mirror. When His cock is inside me, I am what He wants me to be, and that means I’m beautiful too.)

[cuckquette]

Last night Sir teased me in a way He hasn’t teased me in a long time - by holding me down on the bed and pushing the tip of His cock into my pussy, less than an inch deep, just far enough for me to squeeze around Him, and then pulling back out. When I tried to squirm to take Him deeper, He called me a slut and told me not to be greedy.

It’s the closest He’s come to fucking my pussy in three years.

Afterwards, He let me lick my pussy off His cock, and then He fucked my ass until we both forgot that my pussy even existed.

[cuckquette]

Sir let me come last night.

For the first time in a long time.

I’ve come before with Him, by accident - usually when He’s fingering me, but two or three times while He was fucking my ass, and once when I was riding Him. (And I’ve come in my sleep more times than I can count over the last few years.) But it’s always been an accident.

I haven’t been allowed to come for almost four years. I am not allowed to masturbate or even to edge without permission. My orgasms belong to Him, whether He chooses to give them to me or not.

Last night He chose to give me one. Just a small one, and as it was happening He took His fingers out of me and slapped my pussy a few times - but not to hurt. Just to keep me from enjoying it too much. He had been teasing my pussy for a while, and at first I thought it was another accident. I started moaning that I was sorry, but then He started rubbing His wet hand on my pussy, deliberately finishing me off against His hand. “You belong to me. Everything your body does is because I have allowed it.”

He kept rubbing, even as I was coming down, even after the orgasm passed and my clit was too sensitive to feel pleasure anymore. I squirmed and yelped but He kept rubbing - reminding me, maybe, that my pleasure is never the point. “You’re going to thank me for this. You’re going to thank me with your mouth, and your throat, and your ass. You’re going to show me how grateful you are. Do you understand?”

All I could say was “Yes, Sir,” over and over. And when He sat back and pulled my mouth to His cock, I thanked Him as eagerly and as thoroughly as I know how.

[cuckquette]

Dirty Talk

This is usually how I can tell the difference between porn made for men and porn made for women: porn made for men leaves the dirty talk out.

I don’t know why this is, exactly. Maybe it’s some sort of cosmic balance - maybe since men are more visual creatures, women are more auditory ones? Maybe what a man can get from the sight of bouncing tits, a woman can get from a low voice growling in her ear, “You’re already dripping wet for me, you fucking slut.” Or maybe women crave the mindfuck in a way the average man doesn’t. To be not only told what to do but to be shown what to be.

Or maybe most porn just leaves the dirty talk out because it’s so hard to get right. It’s genuine connection that drives it, I think, connection and desire and at least a vague understanding of each other. (Not to mention imagination, which, to be honest, a lot of porn is a little bit short on.) The mind is its own kind of erogenous zone, and it’s a sensitive one. The wrong touch can come across as too awkward, too tentative, too forceful, too rushed.

But rub it the right way, and it will light the body up like a sparkler.

Sir is a master at it. When His voice lowers, takes on that hungry edge... almost nothing turns me on faster. I can’t separate mind from body anymore - it’s all His. Even when I’m past the point of speech myself, my response is clear to Him. It’s all there, in my moans and gasps and cries, the way my body squirms and yields, the way my wide and desperate eyes fix on His.

He can read me like a book - because as long as His voice is in my ear, He is the one and only author.

[cuckquette]

Rules: A Venn Diagram

[sccwriting]

Field of Vision

Much of what we do is far from mainstream.

* How much of your relationship do you show to the world outside of BDSM?

* If you were at a kink event at a public forum and were asked to be discreet, what would that mean to you?

* Where does freedom of expression meet Joe Public’s lack of consent to witness our lifestyle?

“Respect for ourselves guides our morals; respect for others guides our manners.”  Laurence Stone

[cuckquette]

* How much of your relationship do you show to the world outside of BDSM?

Unfortunately, Sir and I do not really show anything of our relationship to the world. He and I have both discussed some particulars with close friends or family members, but other than that (and this blog), the true nature of this relationship has been our secret for the past four and a half years. 

I say “unfortunately” because I wish people could know more about it. I want to brag, goddammit. And I want Him to be able to brag too.

* If you were at a kink event at a public forum and were asked to be discreet, what would that mean to you?

It would mean to conduct ourselves the way we usually do: casual dress, casual manners. I would still defer to Him in our everyday ways - waiting for Him to eat first, for example - but I would not call Him “Sir” where other people could hear it.

* Where does freedom of expression meet Joe Public’s lack of consent to witness our lifestyle?

This is a question I have wondered about, and I’m essentially of two minds about it. Intellectually, I’m not sure whether “consent to witness” (short of obvious public obscenity) is a reasonable line - it seems very much like it expects us to constantly predict and respect the comfort levels and boundaries of strangers, which I take issue with. But temperamentally I tend to come down on the very conservative side of anything that might make other people uncomfortable. So I am probably lacking the courage of my convictions here.