PROMPT: Reflect on your daily life and describe in detail an everyday activity that you have ritualized. (Submissive Coffee Club @sccwriting)
One Friday morning in 2013, less than a month after we met, MzRhythm asked if I'd like to get breakfast. We sat at breakfast for hours talking. And of course, she drank coffee the whole time. As we sat, I was watching her make her coffee (mind you, this was diner coffee in small cups) and counting how many sugars and creams she was adding to it. I had decided that the next time we were spending time together, I was going to bring her coffee. I had no idea then how important coffee is to her, but I suppose I must have had an inkling.
She was moving that weekend, and I helped with that on the Saturday. Then, on the Sunday, I stopped at 7-Eleven for a slurpee on my way to her new house and decided this was my chance!
I would go on to get her an XL coffee from 7-Eleven with the amount of cream and sugar that she had put in those little diner cups of coffee. I brought it to her with so much earnest, and she graciously drank the whole damn thing.
Daily coffee service began on a later day in 2013 or 14 when I wanted to infodump things to her the minute she woke up. She said to me "if you want to have conversations first thing in the morning, you need to bring coffee with you." and then she proceeded to teach me how she likes it.
Over the course of the last decade, I have brought her coffee in bed, at work, on roadtrips, and beyond. I have learned new ways to make coffee, from french press to keurig to pour over, etc. The thing is: I don't like coffee, so the brewing of it has become an exact science on my end.
Our usual daily ritual is done with k-cup pods and an extra large Dunkin mug with a straw. Here's how it goes:
Get a smaller cup down from the cupboard to brew the coffee into.
Find two k-cup pods of the correct brand (if there aren't any in the caddy, go downstairs to retrieve a new box from the pantry)
Start brewing the first pod.
Retrieve the large mug, lid, and straw from the drying rack where they were stored after being washed the night before.
Pour the first brew of coffee into the mug.
Start brewing the second pod.
Scoop (with the right silverware spoon) three and a half spoons full of sugar into the mug
Stir sugar with the straw until dissolved.
Retrieve the half and half from the refrigerator.
Pour the second brew of coffee into the mug.
Stir the coffee and sugar again to disperse.
Add cream until the coffee is the right color (nearly filling the mug).
Stir the coffee with the straw, making sure to lift the straw out of the coffee at the end to make sure no black coffee is trapped in the straw.
Put the lid on the coffee.
Bring the coffee to the bedroom.
Wake her up with something like "Good morning, love. It's [insert time]. I have brought you coffee."
Wait for her to awaken, repeating the sentiment as necessary.
She will receive the coffee.
She will take a first sip.
At this point, the ritual is complete. I may depart the room and tend to things going on in the house or sit with her while she wakes up and tell her about my day/concerns/joys/developments/etc.
That first 7-Eleven coffee set the stage for where we are today. When something is important to someone you love, you want to be a part of it, and MzRhythm loves coffee. But I struggled greatly with expectation around coffee.
"I like to be helpful!" I had said at that first breakfast together (in regard to helping her move). I meant it then and I continue to feel that way to this day. But having the expectation of doing something the same way every day has been a challenge for me.
There was even a point in the recent past where daily coffee service was out of our lives entirely. That was a dark time in our marriage and D/s.
There is part of me that wishes I could just make her coffee and leave it next to her and walk away, knowing that it is exactly right (it isn't always, because I get distracted sometimes) and that it is appreciated (I need the expression of satisfaction to feel fulfilled). But for us, anticipatory service leads to mismatched needs and wants. Acknowledging that has led us to ritualizing certain service tasks (like morning coffee).
As she has taught me how she likes things to be performed and I have learned and weighed in on needs or wants that I have around each type of service, we have worked together to make rituals like this one that allow us to tap into some of that programmed service. This way, we can use the rituals as tools to bring us closer rather than being hung up on every step of the service dance.
I am still learning HOW to perform different types of service. But I find so much fulfillment in knowing that I have followed her directives exactly as she wishes them to be performed. And the words of affirmation from her after fill my service well in return.
This writing has been part of my effort to write everyday from the autumn equinox to the winter solstice. Find the rest of the writings in this series here: Fall 2023 Writing Index
