The Blatherings of Fran

Welcome to Procrastination Central.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Something I have really come to realise while house hunting is that while Boyfriend and I like the same style of houses, we have very very different opinions on ideal location.

He wants to be in town. Not on a main road, but walking distance to shops/bars/restaurants and ideally a short train ride from the city. Whereas my ideal is arse end of nowhere, with lots of open space.

I've already accepted I won't get somewhere remote, or even in a small village. And to be honest I can see the benefit of a train station and a shop... But we've seen a house on the outskirts of a city, and I am very on the fence.

And I know it's not like we'd have to stay forever - we could just try it and see... But persuading Boyfriend to move has been hard enough once nevermind doing it again.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I did so much driving last week, and I have to go to our Northern office tomorrow, and then my friend is having a housewarming party this weekend - it's a 4 hour drive on a good run, all her fiance's friends are coming, I'll have to sleep on the sofa and to be honest while I have enjoyed the past couple of weeks I've kind of hit my limit for driving and spending time with people I don't know.

But she's pregnant and I don't think I'm likely to see her much before the baby comes. So I really ought to go. But I really really really don't want to.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

We decided the house we went to see wasn't for us. There are so many great things about it but ultimately it's too close to the motorway and the noise would drive me crazy.

I think I've seen every Rightmove listing within a 25 mile radius of work and there's nothing else we like (that we can afford). And while I know we don't *have* to move and currently have a perfectly good roof over our heads, I'm still a bit cheesed off about it.

To be honest the ennui has kicked in again. I'm totally fed up. Which, again, I know is not a big deal... But I'm so fucking bored of it. I'm not totally sure I know what "it" is but I need off the hamster wheel. I just don't know what I want instead.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I have to go back to work tomorrow and I feel a bit sick.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

We went to see a house today... Two days ago the house we went to see in February got reduced (after we said in Feb we really liked it but weren't willing to pay asking). I'm very conflicted.

House A is beautiful, needs a lot of work but could be an incredible house. Huge, perfect layout for hosting (which is important when we have a lot of friends and family who live abroad), gorgeous garden. It's in a nice location but really only has a pub within walking distance. There is public transport but it only really goes into one city. It also needs an incredible amount of work doing to it, has not been looked after well and has been empty for almost two years.

House B is not as pretty - it's still quirky and old but not pretty. Slightly smaller but has some outbuildings with potential to convert. Big garden, not as good lay out, and it's semi detached but not overlooked. It's in a great village, walking distance from a train station (limited connections) or 10 mins drive to a major station, huge park just across the road, a handful of different pubs/bars/coffee shops within walking distance. It's dated but well cared for. However it is within sight and earshot of a really big motorway - great for commuting but the garden is noisy.

Basically if house A was in the location of house B without the motorway noise it would be perfect. But it isn't. And I'm really torn.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I'm starting to think I need to come off the beta blockers I'm taking for my migraines. They're helping, sort of, but I also think they're fucking me up in other ways. Since I've been on them I've had a couple of scrapes in the car, I think because the medication is making me a bit slow and stupid. When I first started taking them I felt like a total zombie - I thought that had worn off but I'm starting to wonder if I just got used to it.

On the other hand, I don't know if it could just be my mental health. I'm simultaneously really really wired all the time and quite depressed. I got home this evening and had a complete meltdown, told Boyfriend I wished I was dead and then had a panic attack sitting on our hall carpet. I had a similar episode earlier in the week.

If I'm honest I feel totally out of control. I need to look at getting therapy but if it's the meds causing the problems then I'm not sure how much help that will be, and my GP is totally useless.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Second on the floor sobbing meltdown of the week.

I don't know how to fix myself.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I really need to get off the sofa and go to bed but I also don't want to move.

It's been a lovely but very intense few days and I am knackered.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I really needed to log in and do some work tonight but I just did not have it in me.

Tomorrow is my last day before my week off and the amount I need to get through makes me feel sick.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Also I've sent an enquiry about seeing a house... It's in a location we really like and I just feel like it's sod's law they'll come back and tell me it's already under offer so I'm trying not to get too invested but I really can't help myself.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

It's still available and we're organising a viewing. Watch this space...

[curiousgetscuriouser]

May is usually my favourite month, weather-wise. Sunny but not hot, all the spring flowers etc.

This year has not been it. We managed a couple of days at the end of April and then it's been pretty grey and miserable since. Even when it has been sunny, it's either been cold or very changeable or both.

Honestly I feel like we've not had any proper sunny weather since 2024 and I am mad about it.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Also I've sent an enquiry about seeing a house... It's in a location we really like and I just feel like it's sod's law they'll come back and tell me it's already under offer so I'm trying not to get too invested but I really can't help myself.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

I really need to start making lists. I'm in a constant state of worry about forgetting something because I have so much stuff to do... But then when I make a list I absolutely dread doing the things on the list, because they're on a list and it feels insurmountable.

But if I don't write stuff down it's like I have a constant mental monologue about all the things I have to remember and that's exhausting. And I still forget about half the things.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Nothing like trying to have a lazy morning in bed and hearing your cat vomiting in an unknown location elsewhere in the house.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Most of it was on the hard flooring thank goodness!

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Nothing like trying to have a lazy morning in bed and hearing your cat vomiting in an unknown location elsewhere in the house.

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Guys... I think I've spoken about this before, but I have a dilemma. Well not even that, a moral quandary?

I have an old friend, let's call her Kate. Kate and I met at school, and we hung out in the same group, which was mostly boys and us. She also passed her driving test and had a car, whereas I was the youngest in the year so I did not. So we ended up hanging out a lot because of her having a car, and being the two girls in the group and blah blah blah.

Now don't get me wrong we got on pretty well, and we went out drinking and did all the things you do when you're 17/18/19, but I'd not say we really had a lot in common per se. And then we went to uni and Kate picked the same one as me (I've never got to the bottom of whether that was happenstance or not) and we'd occasionally meet for lunch or go out together.

Anyway we graduated and we'd still see each other for like birthdays and things but it just felt more and more like I was growing up and she was just standing still. And this wasn't just my opinion, other mutual friends have said the same thing - in her mid thirties she still just wants to go out partying like when we were 18.

But where I've gradually stopped messaging or inviting her to things, she just doesn't seem to know when she's flogging a dead horse. She bought two gig tickets last year (despite me saying I didn't want to go) and then asked me to go with her. I didn't even pay her for my ticket and they would've been quite expensive. We had an okay time but it wasn't exactly the best day ever, and I really thought that was the end of it.

But she's repeatedly trying to organise meeting up, and I thought I'd got out of it when my car got written off, but she's messaging me again about it and I just don't know why!

Anyway I don't know what to do because on the one hand I really don't feel the need to see her and she lives hours away and I'm already so busy so I just want to tell her no... But on the other hand, if she is so lonely that she wants to spend a weekend with someone who's clearly not that interested in her, should I just suck it up to be kind?

should I

Tell her I'm not interested

Ghost her

Suck it up and see her

Secret fourth thing

Voting ended onMay 16

[curiousgetscuriouser]

Why won't this headache go the fuck away?