in my feelings, but clearly out of my mind @cursed-with-bpd - Tumblr Blog

I used to shine like gold, now I'm all indigo

#bpd feels #living with borderline #thoughts of mine #borderline thoughts #i hate it here #about me #a look back to 20 years ago #circa 2015 #punckrock #rock n roll #lay me down in the dirt #she is dead #crushed by the weight of the earth

remanence-of-love

rottingfaerieteeth

the thing about having bpd is you do not get a break from it. it is a constant emotional roller coaster 24/7 the only relief we really get is when we sleep but even then for most of us we get tortured with nightmares. I just want to be normal and not traumatised help

Loving and caring for someone doesn't always end up as a happy-ever-after love story you'd hope for. Sometimes it's them looking you straight in the eye as they tell you they love you, while they say a silent goodbye forever.

#thoughts of mine #i hate it here #to be seen is to be loved

xtanbunnyx

blingedoubimbi

dntwannabeurgirl

stop using ai i need that water for my bong

#I was a wild horse built for runnin'#Didn't see those blue eyes comin'#This was never supposed to be #Nothin' but a little somethin' to do #I got good at bein' lonely #'Til you showed me I was better with you #on the playlist #music and playlist #Spotify

#'Cause I'm good at leavin'#for no good reason #I get in my head #And at first I'm fallin'#then I'm not callin'#Spotify #on the playlist #music and playlist

misscrazyfangirl321

Thinking about... Grieving the undead.

misscrazyfangirl321

You aren't dead, but you're moving 12 hours away.

You aren't dead, but you're leaving our friend group.

You aren't dead but you've moved to a different state and now we text twice a year.

You aren't dead but you blocked me.

You aren't dead but we stopped talking, not on purpose but so long ago that I wouldn't even know what to say to you now.

You aren't dead but you're a stranger to me now.

You aren't dead but we lost touch and now I don't even remember your username.

You aren't dead but I ended things with you and now we never speak.

You aren't dead but I still have to grieve you. Whether I'd change it if I could or not, you're still a presence that I'm used to and now you won't be there anymore.

And so I grieve.

cursed-with-bpd

So after finishing "Monster : the Jeffery Dahmer Story" on Netflix, I've spent the better part of my weekend letting it really get under my skin.

I was and overwhelmed about his mental state and motivation. Until I realized I started to feel bad for him.... 😭😭 Like the realization he just wanted to be loved. His greatest fear and motivation was his fear of being abandoned.

He was diagnosed with many Personality Disorders, all stimmed from a childhood of abuse and abandonment.

I can almost empathize to his mental incapacity to think clear, but to think of the horrors he put his victims through. Especially his next door neighbor, Glenda Cleveland.

It started to trigger me how much people view people with personality disorders as evil. In Dahmer's case he had other diagnosis that lead to the killing and mutalation of his victims. But the emotions he was feeling are nothing short of typical B type disorders.

Normal people do not understand what it feels like to have your brain take control and disassociate from reality. To do harm, when all you are trying to do is feel love.

Fuck why am I like this.