my lives. my past. my present. my future. my obsessions. my soul.
𖤝 waiting room……… old hollywood glamour. château marmont. hotel room. hedonism. insatiable appetite. sensuality. decadence avec élégance. walking around naked. bed rotting. chain smoking cigarettes. sipping red wine. emptying the mini bar. ordering food from the hotel restaurant and indulging every other whim freely. silk robes. furs. high heels clicks against the floor. drawn curtains for the whole day. books. films. vinyls. candlelight. talking to the all-seeing-seer crystal ball. creative dreaming. intellectual masturbation. solitude as a luxury. time as an indulgence. the world outside can wait.
2020s ࿇ better cr…. as a persona i aspire to be currently, as a persona i manifest myself to be, time travel to see what would have happened if cr events had unfolded differently and in my preferred direction. if my motherland were free, without war and without a fucked up government. if i were still dancing. if my favourite teacher still worked there. basically nostalgia. past-attachment. dancing. stretching. ballet. contemporary. hip hop. heels. teaching. pointe shoes. messy hair. sweat. girlhood. competitions. bruises. aching backs, legs and knees. hairpins digging into the scalp. the smell of hairspray poured by the litre onto our heads. backstage talk. gossiping. friendship. a healthy lifestyle.
. . . my lovers: dance and myself
‘80s-‘90s 𖤝 twin peaks x the secret history x hannibal….. in a town like twin peaks, nobody is innocent. special agent marlene horne. complimentary stay at the great northern hotel, courtesy of my guilty father who owns it. the only bed trope (?). complimentary meals at the double r diner, where my sister and a motherly figure work and own the place. cherry pies. damn good coffee. chain smoking cigarettes. cinephilia. secrets. suspicion. murder investigation. the fbi. prophetic dreaming. empathy as a curse. psychiatry. exquisite dinner parties. human meat disguised as animal. cannibalism (as a metaphor for love ofc). owls and deers are not what they seem. bacchanalia. black lodge. enemies to lovers. challengers. !post-fall escape. in hiding. to become the key factor in the harmonization of my partners' souls and in doing so, bring about the cessation of their murderous and cannibalistic tendencies.
. . . my lovers: will graham and hannibal lecter
‘70s-‘80s 𖤝 fame……. kind of måneskin dr, but if they were cooler, more authentic, existed in the golden age of rock’n’roll with me replacing ethan torchio (i'm sorry, i love him dearly, but i wanted to keep the four-member band setup and since our temperaments seem kinda similar and i wanted to be a drummer, it only made sense that i'd take his place). roma, italia. rita (occasionally marlena) lynch. a lynchian girl. all the way through. it’s because my father is david lynch. old hollywood glamour. descendant of a great cinema dynasty. nepo baby gone wild. cinephile. muse. actress. rockstar. a singing career ruined by dysphonia. drummer. roman villas. luxury apartments. friendship. sex, drugs, rock’n’roll. hedonism. mania. eurovision 1981 winners. groupies. sweat. chain smoking cigarettes. smudged eyeliner. sexual provocation. scandals. vinyls. touring. gigs. crowd diving. dressing room preparations. green rooms and rider demands. backstage drinking. empty bottles. chaos. after parties. wild studio 54 nights. because i’m a rockstar, everything has to be messy and i simply must have a one night stands with each and every one of my celebrity crushes. hotel room wreckage. bandmates enemies to friends with benefits and maybe one day, to lovers. "we fucked in every room of our château marmont suite."
. . . my lover: damiano david
‘70s-‘80s ࿇ hogwarts….. basically a golden trio and marauders eras merge dr: harry potter is james' younger brother, regulus black is sirius' younger brother and harry's peer and so on. the plot is perhaps pretty much the plot of the harry potter films or maybe not, i'm not sure. grace grindelwald. created by magic. pureblood. daughter of the greatest wizard in the history of magic. witchcraft. tarot reading. black cat. animagus. cat behemoth is my variant. seer. prophecy. inventor. a deep and abiding hatred for albus dumbledore. friendship. the only girl in what is, basically, a boy club. secret society. school's elite. forbidden knowledge. restricted section. chain smoking cigarettes. rock’n’roll lovers. vinyls. butterbeer and firewhisky. detention. mischief. loyalty that borders on devotion. friends to lovers(?).
. . . my lover: sirius black(?)
19th century ࿇ vampire (a.k.a. hannibal²)…. venezia, regno d'italia. charactonym. countess belladonna bittencourt. gothic mansion. devoted butler. the brides of the countess. immortality. bloodsucker. sipping red wine (or “is it blood in your glass?”). gourmet. aesthete. intoxication. sophistication. elegance. duality. a double life. “looks like an angel, walks like an angel, talks like an angel, but she's a devil in disguise.” the kind of woman you would die for. and likely will. hannibal lecter if he were a woman, a vampire and not a murderer. luring naïve men into my parlour. recognition of each other’s kind. harbouring and covering for murderous and cannibalistic figures. ultraviolence. enemies to lovers(?). eternal love. challengers.
. . . my lovers: will graham and hannibal lecter
18th century 𖤝 pirates……. welcome to the caribbean, love. captain margarita black. the pirate queen. haunting the narrative. pretty girl, consumed by death. and then returned by it. the curse of immortality. living legend. conquering the seas for eternity with nothing left to lose. black pearl, named for me, sailed in my memory, crewed in my honour. rum. treasures (though not every treasure is silver or gold, mate). wind in my hair. hand on the back of my neck. maps. salt on the skin. the smell of gunpowder. reconciliation after a whole decade. revenge. mutiny. betrayal. grief. a history that neither of us can outrun. forgiveness that costs more than any ransom. wanted posters that don't do my justice. enemies, who used to be lovers, to lovers again.
. . . my lover: jack sparrow
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