Summary: y/n has to tell Jack the truth, (based off of the song futile devices)
Notes: I’m finally back!!, also very unedited so please excuse any mistakes!!
Warnings: self hatred, guilt, basically leading someone on. And that should be it if not let me know!!!
It’s been a long long time since I’ve memorized your face.
Laughter echoed throughout the dimly lit apartment i had been in for the last 4 hours, i had told myself id go home twenty minutes ago but that never ends well when im with my friends
“So y/n? hows jack going?” my friend asked, the question gaining attention from the others as if they had been wondering also.
“Oh it’s going well, he’s a really good guy.” I shrugged smiling at the thought of the brown haired boy.
“Thats it? You’re not going to give us any special details about him?” She groaned to my vague response.
“Yeah, like he doesn’t have a beauty mark on his left cheek-“ another one had chimed in
“No, his upper right lip!” I blurted out embarrassingly fast.
All chatter had stopped in that moment, the only noise being the tv that had been faintly playing in the background.
My face burned red from my sudden comment, if my friend no cited she hadn’t said anything about, she just smirked and took a drink from the glass that had been sitting in front of her.
“Well at least Christian’s out of the picture.” She stated once more before diving into conversation with one of the girls sat at the table.
I nodded but it didn’t feel right almost as if it weren’t genuine.
It’s been four hours now since I’ve wandered through your place.
Jack had left his apartment hours ago but i still remained after hours of him begging i stay and just watch the game from his house, so that’s where i had been left at now
Walking through the halls of his somewhat clean apartment, for someone who lives by themselves he really did try to keep some type of theme going.
I laughed at a photo he had kept near his bed of him and his brother when they were younger, it was a photo of when they lived in Canada the setting being somewhere snowy and the three brothers looking confused and unready for the photo.
I sat the photo back down and looked over at the clock that had also been on the side of his bed, i sighed walking out of the room and back to the couch to watch the puck drop.
And when i sleep on your couch i feel very safe, and when you bring the blankets, I cover up my face.
It was normal for me and jack to have our annual movie nights on friday, and work had kicked my butt the following week and I hadn’t planned on going this Friday but i knew jack had been looking forwards to it stating that he found a new movie that we might like so I couldn’t decline.
We had been laying on the couch, my head on his shoulder and eyes slowing opening and closing once and a while, i quickly snapped out of that stare once the arms that had once been wrapped around me were gone.
“Where are you going?” I asked as jack got up from his spot on the couch.
He didnt reply and disappeared into his bedroom, i had went to get up before he reappeared again, this time with a large comforter.
I sighed with embarrassment and guilt, “Jack im fine.” I said
“No you’re not, you’ve had a busy week. If you were tired, you could have stayed home.” He responded, eyebrows furrowed in worry.
He layed me back into the couch carefully wrapping the comforter around my tired body.
The droopy state from before slowly coming back
I shouldn’t be doing this.
I shouldn’t be doing this.
I let out one last sigh before I closed my eyes.
And i would say i love you but saying it out loud is hard. So I won’t say it at all.
It had been a beautiful day, and usually on days like these Jack would tend to drag me out of my apartment to go on a picnic.
I carefully set a blanket down over the patch of grass we thought would be perfect spot to settle, I watched as he set the basket down and very carefully pulled each container of fruit and crackers out.
Jack had always been easy to talk too I never had to filter myself around him, but I didn’t deserve a person like him.
I watched him as layed propped up on one shoulder talking about anything and everything, slowly biting into my cherry. I paused for a moment before rubbing the bitten cherry against his cheek leaving a pink stain.
I laughed at his reaction going to wipe it away before quickly getting pulled down and the previous cherry being rubbed on my face now
I laughed attempting to push him away but it was no use he was stronger.
“Now we’re even.” He spoke, smiling down at me.
we stared at each other for moments, three words I died to say lingered at the tip of my tongue but I just couldn’t. I couldn’t do that to him.
And I won’t stay very long,
Tears rolled down my face as I found myself in-front of a door I’ve been faced with for months now, my heart banging against my chest.
I waited for a moment before the door swung open to a half awake Jack, his eyebrows furrowed in worry at my distressed state.
“y/n, what’s wrong?” He asked softly pulling me into his apartment, I pulled away slowly.
“I’m sorry jack” I cried lowering my head
“You’re so good to me, but I just can’t seem to-“ I sobbed uncontrollably, unsure if he could even understand me.
“I know.” He responded softly. My head shot up realization and guilt washing over me.
He knew the entire time, but why?, the question repeating over and over in my head.
“I’m so sorry jack” I cried, the sobs becoming more violent as he pulled me into an embrace.
“It’s not your fault,” he shook his head
“I just can’t see how I’m supposed to love if I can’t love myself.” I spoke once my cries softened.
“I want to love you,” I said pulling away, watching as tears threatened to spill from his eyes
“But I just can’t” I finished, attempting to wipe the spilling tears away.
He nodded in agreement giving me an understanding smile
“It’s ok” he reassured me as if I wasn’t breaking his heart.
“I understand if you’re mad or annoyed with me I don’t know why I’m like this” I spoke lowly, the lump in my throat making my words shaky.
Jack embraced me once more, this time hushing me
“If you knew why did you stay, why did waste your time if you knew you’d get hurt in the end.” i questioned
He sighed, “because the thought of not having you at all hurt to much.”
But you are the life I needed all along.
I smiled as me and a group of my friends stumbled into a bar we had been dying to go to for the past month.
the smell of alcohol and burnt out cigarettes washing over me in a second.
I watched as a few of the members separated going there own ways, leaving me a one ther girl.
We had decided to settle at the little bar ordering two beers for night.
I grabbed the cup swiftly taking a sip before setting it back down onto the table. I skimmed over the bar watching as people danced and played pool.
My heart immediately skipped a beat once I was met with a familiar pair of blue eyes that had been staring at me from across the bar.
I hadn’t seen or spoken to Jack in a year. Or really since that one night in his apartment. I would say we ended on good terms.
My face burned red as he waved at me with a soft smile.
I waved back, nervously smiling. I watched as he began to mouth something.
“You look beautiful.” he mouthed slowly
“I feel beautiful.” I excitedly mouthed back.
He laughed at my response from across the bar.
yousharknotpass
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