Not So Everyday

Looking at the world through CYC-tinted glasses

[markruffalo]

Aamjiwnaang First Nation has been dubbed the most polluted place in North America by National Geographic. These two sisters who call Aamjiwnaang their home and have a deep love for the land have be ignored in their fight for justice against big industry. Give this short documentary a watch and if you’re interested in supporting the cause, click HERE.

[cyccolouredglasses]

This is really disappointing, and also a really good reminder of the racism that the Aboriginal peoples in Canada still face on a regular basis. Here is a community in a first world/developed nation that does not have that standard of living - and they aren't the only one. More than a few First Nations communities in Canada are existing at a third world level, without indoor plumbing or even clean water to use.

It's really important to remember where aboriginal youth are coming from, as I'm sure I'll end up working with them. They're coming from a history of recent cultural genocide, legal racism, abuse. The  memories of the residential schools are still so recent - as they should be, since they are, and it's crucial when working with aboriginal youth to remind that very fresh and painful cultural and possibly personal wound - our aboriginal kids may well have parents or grandparents that survived the residential school system, and that sort of trauma is not easily dealt with, but can easily influence how one treats others.

[thepiscesactor-deactivated20121]

Just an experiment. Reblog if you actually give a fuck about male victims of domestic violence and rape.

[minotaursauce]

Of fucking course

What sick bastard doesn’t

[xaldien]

"You’d be surprised", said Xaldien, who just lost four followers and received a lovely "men can’t be raped" anon shortly after reblogging this the first time.

[minotaursauce]

Yowch, disgusting.

[cyccolouredglasses]

Though girls are more often the victims of sexual assault and domestic violence, boys are victims as well, but male victims get discussed less and acknowledged less. They can get left out of the discussion because it's like it's more taboo to discuss male victims than female victims. That doesn't mean that guys don't get sexually assaulted, and they often encounter just as much hostility as girls when disclosing an assault - or sometimes more, if the person that assaulted them was a woman.

[cyccolouredglasses]

Find the Perfect Word for Your Feelings with This Vocabulary Wheel

Sometimes it's hard to explain exactly how you feel. This handy vocabulary wheel helps you narrow down exactly what word best expresses your current emotional state.

This - or maybe a simpler version - could be a really useful tool for helping our kids learn how to name their emotions. I actually found this through a Facebook share, but we just finished watching the complex trauma/trauma-informed care videotaped lecture today, so when I saw the link text on Facebook I immediately thought of that.

One thing she talked about was that our kids don't have much emotional regulation and nor do the know how to name what they're feeling. While this wheel in particular might be too complex for kids that I/my organization have just started working with, or for younger ones, this or something like it could be a really handy tool for learning words for feelings.

[claphnelauren]

imagine: a court system where you do not know the gender, race, sexual orientation, wealth, name, ect. of the person being charged

think of how different the punishments would be

[cyccolouredglasses]

This 'ideal' could also be problematic, however, if it meant facts relevant to motivations, et c. could be left out on the basis of "talking about this would give away the accused's gender/race/whatever". If a someone is charged after defending themself (potentially fatally) against their abusive partner, would not the history of domestic violence lead some to assume that the accused is a woman?

I think there are very valid points here - people of colour are still disproportionately incarcerated in the US (which actually has the highest rate of incarceration in the world). They receive convictions and significant sentences for crimes for which a white defendant would likely have been acquitted, or given much more lenient sentences.

My point is, racism is still very much alive and well, and it's something that CYC practitioners need to be very mindful of - especially if they're white. There is a privilege there that I cannot refuse, give away, or ignore as far as society is concerned, because I cannot change the colour of my skin.

[cyccolouredglasses]

On "Female Privilege" And Male Entitlement

I completely agree with the commentary in this tumblr snapshot. Guys feeling entitled to sex or sexual interactions leads to an awful lot of sexual assaults - and worse (like the UC Santa Barbara shooting). Girls also commit sexual assault, though at a much lower frequency.

But all youth need to learn respect for all others, including but not limited to people of the gender or genders they're attracted to. I think that consent and respect is something I as a CYC worker will probably end up discussing. all youth (all people) need to learn that no means no, and the only thing that means yes is yes. (Unless there has been something prearranged and discussed where no doesn't mean no, but instead 'mushroom' means no.)

They all need to learn that, because if their partner can only get out of sex by faking sick, there's a problem.

[ship-game-so-strong]

REBLOG THIS IF YOU WOULD BE FRIENDS WITH A TRANS PERSON.

Im trying to prove to my friend that a lot of people will accept him as the gender he is just as they would the gender he was born as. He is afraid to come out especially because he is a polysexual trans.

[cyccolouredglasses]

This kind of internet/tumblr activism has become really popular, and has even, believe it to not, saved lives when tumblr users that were planning suicide have made posts saying that no one would care if they were to commit suicide and the like.

I remember when Leighann came from The Youth Project and presented to class, she talked about tumblr labels that some of the youth had given themselves. Hopefully in the same way that queer youth have found those empowering, other youth could find a similar sort of empowerment in the kind of tumblr activism above.

[just-a-skinny-boy]

The sun isn’t bright just because I say it is. It just is. It was bright before I even knew the word for bright. I didn’t decide what it is, I acknowledged what it is.

You aren’t worth something just because I say you are. You just are. You were worth something before I even said anything. I didn’t decide that you are, I acknowledged that you are.

This is what I mean when I say “You are worth it.”

[happyspider6]

This is great.

[the-she-celt-blog]

I have no words.

[cyccolouredglasses]

Our kid are worth something even if nobody in their lives tells them they are. Even if they don't believe it themselves. Even if all they have ever heard is the complete opposite of "You're worth it", they will always be worth something. We as CYC workers have to remember that, and facilitate the discovery of it. Even the most difficult kids are worth something.

Even if we're too blind to see what that something is.

[cyccolouredglasses]

So, another BuzzFeed thing - but it makes a point, and makes you think. Though it isn't entirely accurate since this is Canada, the point is valid, and so is the commentary on cost without insurance.

Access to prescription birth control is a pain in the, well. But there are lots of reasons a youth might take birth control, and many of them have nothing to do with sex. Painful or irregular periods, acne, et c. I think it's awful that access to hormonal birth control is so difficult and expensive, and I feel like the hoops for access are something to remember when working out in the field.

[cyccolouredglasses]

Meet Xander, The Impossibly Cute Blind Service Pug That Helps Victims Of Child Abuse

Yeah, okay, it's BuzzFeed and not exactly an example of a pillar of scholastic excellence, but it's the service dog thing that got me thinking.

I know service animals have been used to help military vets with PTSD, and I remember reading something about folks in jails training dogs, but has this been tried with youth? I mean, is there a program out there where kids get to spend time with animals, stuff life that? Animals have been shown to have benefits for people with anxiety and the aforementioned PTSD and all sorts of things. I wonder if a program for youth in the system (in various ways) to spend time with animals is a feasible idea.

[cutting-will-always-be-my-life]

All credit goes to - japharts

**Trigger warning**

This, literally, is dead on exactly how I feel, and probably a lot of you guys too.

[clamperls]

if you ever wonder why I’m surprised when you call me your friend or when you say you want to hang out or when you say you miss me

[cyccolouredglasses]

I think this comic is something that a lot of the kids I work with would be able to relate to. I know I certainly can, and I haven't had half the bad experiences of some of these kids.

I think this comic illustrates a way you learn to think of yourself when you've been on the receiving end of a lot of rejection or have been dismissed as less important than someone else. You hear that so much that you start to believe it, so wanting to, as above, be with a friend makes you feel like a terrible person because they're already happy without you right there. What if they aren't happy with you there? What if you ruin the conversation they're having?

[cyccolouredglasses]

It's important to not only be aware of the cultural background that a youth is coming from, but also their religious background. If a youth is religious, or raised in a particular religion, there could be issues that we as workers have no idea exist is we aren't keeping up with the national or international news. Most of us probably know about the slews of abuses that various Catholic priests have committed against youth in their parishes that have begun coming to light in recent years, but how many of us can discuss the ongoing conflict in the Middle East without resorting to vast generalizations and "well, like, uh" and handwaving?

[cyccolouredglasses]

So. Rape jokes. I heard my first rape joke when I was 12 years old, from a male classmate. I'm pretty sure they've only gotten more prevalent since then. That, or they stopped being whispered and started being shouted.

Browsing Youtube for slam poetry today I found this gem, and it made me think about stereotypes and reactions of folks to those that admit they were rape victims. I've heard reactions varying from the despicable ("Well, at least she got laid") to the acceptable ("Thank you for trusting me enough to tell me") to the downright victim-blaming ("Maybe you need to do some assertiveness training").

I think the single most important thing for a CYC worker to do if someone ever confesses sexual assault or abuse of any kind is this:

LISTEN

[cyccolouredglasses]

Art as a coping strategy

So I know there is a lot of stuff out there about art therapy, but I had some old Supernatural episodes on for background noise earlier. In one in particular, a boy sees his dad drowned in the lake by the spirit of a boy his grandfather and his grandfather's friends accidentally drowned when they were kids. They buried the dead kid's bike and left his body in the lake and pretended they knew nothing; as far as anyone ever knew, the dead boy just vanished.

The (live) boy in the episode is named Lucas. Lucas, after witnessing his father's drowning, has stopped talking and has started drawing the same pictures over and over: a black swirling vortex, and a red bike, sometimes with no background and sometimes parked in front of the same house next to the same church. According to his mother, Lucas always liked to draw before, but since then his drawings changed. This being Supernatural, he's basically having dreams/visions about the dead boy; Lucas is drawing the boy's bike in front of his childhood house, and the vortex is the dark lake water as it comes up the drains so the spirit can drown its victims on dry land.

But it made me think about how kids will sometimes naturally begin to use art (or music, or whatever) as a way to let whatever is going on in their heads out. I think that's really valuable, and that it would be something to be encouraged in youths that were already gravitating to expressing themselves in these ways. It's a constructive, creative outlet instead of them bottling it up or taking it out on their own bodies or on other people.

[tblaberge]

You want community? Be community. You want love? Be loving to others. You want friendship? Be a friend. You want something more? Be something more. Sometimes the things we want most in life, start when we are the first to initiate it; so go out, and be.

T.B. LaBerge // Go Now (via tblaberge)

I remember when I was about fourteen, I had a friend that was a kid in care. The foster home where he was at the time was really good, but he told me all sorts of stories about how caregivers/workers at some of the other places he'd lived had treated him, and it was like a laundry list of ambivalence, with the added bonus of random instances of abuse or neglect. That is absolutely not the kinda of CYC practitioner I want to be.

But this quote is. I want something more for these kids, so I'm going to be that something more. And maybe other people in class or that I work with will also want to be 'more'. And maybe our 'more' will be like that stone dropped in a still pond, the ripples extending out in all directions, and even when you think they've gone, they're still there, just undetectable to the human eye.

[hereislight]

COMPLIMENTS THAT AREN’T ABOUT PHYSICAL APPEARANCE 1) You’re empowering. 2) I like your voice. 3) You’re strong. 4) I think your ideas/beliefs matter. 5) I’m so happy you exist. 6) More people should be listening to what you have to say. 7) You’re a very warm hearted person. 8) It’s nice seeing such kindness. 9) You’re very down to earth. 10) You have a beautiful soul. 11) You inspire me to become a better person. 12) Our conversations bring me a lot of joy. 13) It’s good to see someone care so much. 14) You’re so understanding. 15) You matter a lot to me. 16) You’re important even if you don’t think so. 17) You’re intelligent. 18) Your passion is contagious. 19) Your confidence is refreshing. 20) You restore my faith in humanity. 21) You’re great at being creative. 22) You’re so talented at ____. 23) I don’t get tired of you the way I get tired of other people. 24) You have great taste in ___. 25) I’m happy I stayed alive long enough to meet you. 26) I wish more people were like you. 27) You’re so good at loving people.

3:29 p.m. feel free to add to this!  (via expresswithsilence)

28) the way you articulate yourself is so refreshing 29) you have that “brighten-up-a-room” effect 30) you’re just really good to be around 31) you foster my growth 32) you’re really good at dancing! 33) i can share silence with you

(via carlosofthecosmos)

A lot of compliments to people focus way too much on physical appearance. It's a really good idea to think of things that I can say to youth that are true and genuine, but not a comment on their looks. A lot of the ones on this particular list would be awkward or boundary-crossing very easily if the youth isn't one that you know overly well, but I think the idea behind this list is very important.

Society focusses way too much on the physical, and to comment on a youth's physical appearance in an effort to build rapport, et c. could be not only unsuccessful but inappropriate (depending). Thinking about other ways to talk to kids and tell them they're worthwhile is, I think, fantastic and also really important.

[cyccolouredglasses]

Abortion

So abortion - or rather, the possibility of abortion - is one of those things that it's pretty likely I'll come across once I start working in the form of a pregnant young woman. Personally, I'm pro-choice, but that doesn't mean the youth I'm working with is. But not only is it not my responsibility to make her become pro-choice, it's actually wrong for me to try and make her become pro-choice. Because that's my opinion, and I am ethically obligated to allow her to make her own choice.

I'd consider it my responsibility to make sure that she is aware of her choices, up to and including abortion - or consider it my responsibility to refer her to the appropriate person, if for some reason I were not permitted to discuss her choices with her - and that's where it stops. My opinion on her pregnancy has no business coming out of my mouth, none. Here are your choices, here are the potential (but factual) consequences of your choices (such as 'you will be responsible for a tiny person', 'if you decide to abort you'll need to go wherever', 'medical appointments', et c.), full stop.

[cyccolouredglasses]

I've seen this comic many times, but until this year I hadn't really thought about how it can also apply to working with youth. Adults that believe in gender roles come from youth who are taught gender roles, and will teach the same thing to the youth they come into contact with (whether said youth are their own or other people's children).

But for the young man or woman I work with to be able to go out into the world and support themselves, the young man needs to learn things like how to cook and do his laundry and other traditionally 'female' tasks, and the young woman needs to learn traditionally 'male' things like how to go out and get a job to support herself. More women work now, but there are still folks out there that say a woman's place is in the home, and if a youth I work with has been taught that, it needs to be addressed in such a way that that belief will not prevent them from being able to survive on their own.