heyo

I just share here my experiences, likes and thoughts about Cardiophilia.

[cyperthingevery]

Hey, could you explain cardiophilia for me? I’m curious about it but not too sure if I’m *into* it or not. But there’s definitely a little fascination there

Hii, sure c: Simply put, it means being sensually, romantically, or sexually obsessed with the sound or shape of the heart.

cardiophilia

Cardiophilia As one of the paraphilias , it refers to feeling

[cyperthingevery]

Last day of 22

I was think 22 is not aesthetic but I'm wrong. Whatever... Welcome 23. When I first discovered Melanie Martinez, she was 23 years old. For some reason, when I was 15, I thought turning 23 would be really cool. Now I have blue and red hair, I smoke, I’ve experienced real depression and anxiety, and I’ve started a master’s program in art—but none of this makes me feel cool at all. I never thought I’d turn out to be this kind of adult.

[cyperthingevery]

So... I’m a great addict, trying to think Just rationally didn’t really help. So I came up with a new technique for myself. Every time I smoke, I’ll be left with that awful toothpaste taste. Walking around with that toothpaste taste all day is annoying. Right now, the urge to smoke is starting to feel uncomfortable.

[cyperthingevery]

Self note, from future me.

(ai translate)

​May 20, 2026

​Fail.

​..

​May 22, 2026

​Right now, you’re just riding the short-lived "Deprivation" wave of a highly logical decision you made yourself. If you’re reading this, that infamous little nicotine monster is probably threatening you, making you feel like you’ll always feel this way—as if it was the thing filling that void all along.

​But you are AWARE. You’re completely aware that smoking is nothing but a trap and an illusion. Even if your current mood is trying to debunk this thought, I am absolutely sure of my decision. You started smoking again because of marketing strategies and the dopamine hit from nicotine.

​Remember those days when you felt super depressed but still managed to distract yourself and feel good without cigarettes? You love connecting with nature and examining it closely, reading manga, binge-watching shows, sometimes watching movies, and reading books. Now is not the time to get all philosophical. Thinking about the future doesn’t mean you can change things. You must remember that Reels video: "Life is so meaningless 💞💕💫💥🫯💜 vs. Life is so meaningless 🪦🖤 🕷️🔪 😓 💀."

​You won't feel like this forever. It will pass. I promise you it will pass. I just don’t want to feed that monster, become its slave, and stay in this disgusting loop—even if I'm just going to rot and become bug food when I die anyway. If you're really willing to accept feeling miserable until you die, then go ahead, crawl into your grave alive and wait for death right now. Yeah, this might sound meaningless too lmfao, but risking an addiction like this just for a temporary mood?

​If you’re doing that badly, go get your dopamine from a psychiatrist. That is, if you don't even want to bother trying to achieve it on your own. This is nothing but pure laziness. That pack is sitting right there. You don’t have to smoke it, and you don’t have to throw it away either. Do whatever you want. Just please know the truth.

​Right now, the nicotine is still fresh, so I wanted to write this down before the withdrawal symptoms kick in. That monster—meaning the nicotine deficit—is going to try to convince you that if you don't take it, your whole life will suck forever. It’s temporary. You’ve experienced this firsthand. Don’t make me repeat myself. You know what’s good for you.

​But hey, if you're like, "No, I want to develop a chemical dependency, take the easy way out, and not put in any effort at all," well, the cigarettes and the clinic are right there.

​Just be patient. Be patient. Be patient. Distract yourself and act like you're not missing out on anything. Deep down, you actually know how to do this. Get your rewards from other things.

[cyperthingevery]

It was amazing; I had almost done it. But the moment I felt that emptiness—that old, familiar feeling washing over me—it shattered everything I believed in. I had thought my problem was solved.

[cyperthingevery]

When I was 14 my friend and I skipped school one day. A group of girls our age were smoking next to us. That day, I asked my friend, "Should we smoke too?" And that’s how we started. It actually helped us bond with other people; we got into a friend group. The more we hung out, the more we smoked. We couldn’t even smoke our very first cigarette properly because we kept coughing. But over time, we found ourselves getting used to it. When our parents caught us, we quit. But then, the two of us started smoking secretly again from time to time.

When we started university, our paths crossed. Since my dad told me, "If I catch you making one mistake, I’ll take you out of school," I stayed away from cigarettes for a while. I was too scared to even touch them. Later on, I went through a really dark period. I was studying art, and drawing started causing me stress. I began questioning life. I would come home and cry every single day, terrified of losing what I had. When my mom started working, I felt lonely all over again. I was left alone at home. During that time, I read books, masturbated, and smoked a few cigarettes just to pass the time.

Strangely enough, I started looking forward to being home alone. Before that, I was so afraid of losing my family and dying alone that I didn't want to go anywhere without them. Ironically, every single day I was left alone at home, I smoked and masturbated. Being alone became something I loved. After that, whenever I felt down or empty, I turned to cigarettes. I needed something that gave me both physical and mental pleasure. So, to cut down on masturbating, I started smoking more. Eventually, as I started smoking more frequently, my family caught me. When they told me, "You’re an adult now, you can make your own decisions," a strange sense of emptiness washed over me. I thought about quitting, and I didn't even feel like smoking that much. But I kept doing it anyway.

Now, I have a boyfriend who doesn’t smoke. My family started mentioning that my teeth are turning yellow. My boyfriend is someone who really values self-care. He doesn't think smoking is cool, and I’ve come to realize that smoking clearly affects my appearance, my smell, and my wallet. So, the other day, I decided to quit. The first 12 hours went great. I even read Allen Carr's book. I broke my cigarettes and threw them in the trash. But yesterday, around the 12 to 17-hour mark, I started feeling nauseous. A deep restlessness settled in. I started crying a bit, just like the old days. I got terrified of feeling that way again. It suddenly felt like I’d never be able to cope with that sense of emptiness without cigarettes. I took a shower to relax, but I was still crying. I couldn't take it anymore and smoked one. My head spun. The nausea didn't go away, but that dizziness… I liked it.

I decided to smoke my "last cigarette" and quit again because I couldn't stay stuck in the middle. I was either going to smoke or quit. I smoked my last cigarette and threw the lighter out the window. During the night, I woke up feeling restless. For some reason, I felt the urge to masturbate. In the morning, I felt awful. And I decided to light yet another "last cigarette." I finished it and… I realized I can’t quit.

~Ai translate~

[cyperthingevery]

I’m almost there. I’m going to keep smoking until I’ve had enough. I want this story to end already, but I’m not going to rush it—I’ll keep smoking until I’ve had that “last cigarette.” I shouldn't hurry. So I took a break for at least a few hours. It won't be long now. I'm reading Allen Carr's popular book.

...

It’s almost 12 hours since I quit smoking. I feel really tired and easily annoyed, but I'm not going to try to relieve my stress with cigarettes. It'll just pass on its own. I know.

[cyperthingevery]

I decided to quit when I started going through a pack of cigarettes every 1.5 days and started getting warnings from people around me that I was smoking too much. When I woke up this morning, I forced myself not to smoke for an hour. Then, when I saw that I could hold out, I decided not to smoke until evening, but it didn’t happen. Tomorrow I'll try again.

[cyperthingevery]

Sometimes I want to hang out here more, but all I find are videos and audios. In fact cardiophilia is not totally sexual thing. I think there are also people who are interested in this without feeling sexual things. I'd like to know more about it, I'm curious about other people's experiences and thoughts. I wish there was a little bit more about the psychological side.

But that's it is. People who are interested in the non-sexual side probably don't hang around here much. I think they might be more interested in listening to Asmr, relaxing or learning about hearts.

I wish I could feel sexually like ordinary people, even if I am only interested in hearts. I once asked chatgpt how people who don't have a fetish feel, they're interested in the whole body. Even if I can read or watch romance + erotic things, I'm not interested in anything but hearts. I can't feel anything.

The real strange thing is that even when I feel sexually aroused, I don’t really feel that way... Perhaps this situation—that is, low libido—could also be due to my hormonal issues. Although my levels aren’t extremely high, I was recently diagnosed with hyperprolactinemia.

[galactuius]

Whenever I tell someone about my fetish, they ask me to explain it.

I mean- I don’t understand it, either. I think I was just born this way.

But, when I’m alone with my own thoughts, it just makes sense. There’s so much to the heart that makes it meaningful to me. As a hopeless romantic, I long for the vulnerability and rawness of another heartbeat.

There’s something so tenacious, yet fragile about the heart. It never stops beating, but it’s safe inside of its cage. It beats harder and faster, but it’s still hidden away from anyone who could notice. Excitement, anxiety, anticipation, fear, arousal… It’s all hidden.

Letting someone feel your heartbeat is so intimate and personal. The heart is probably the most important part of the body, other than the brain. So, of course it would feel nerve wracking to let someone touch it, or listen to it.

What sets the heart apart from the brain is the tangibility of the heart. It can be seen, felt, and heard. To me, the action of listening to a heartbeat is the closest thing someone can get to mind reading. Every thought is translated by a heart that is fast, or slow. Soft, or hard.

Maybe our hearts want to hide for their own safety. They’re just so vulnerable.

Someone can lie, but their heart cannot. The heart can only react. Feeding off of that vulnerability and humiliation by listening to it… Teasing it…

That’s why it excites me so much… 🫀✨💕

[cardiophileorsomething]

The pain of being a freak at the doctor's office is so real. Nurse asked if my heart was always this fast and I said no (true). Doctor comes in and ask if I have any history of arrythmia. I say no (also true). I was ordered to wear a Zio ecg monitor patch for 14 days despite this because the symptoms I have happen to line up with those of heart arrhythmias and my heart rate was like 102 at rest. I can't argue because like, what do I even say?? "Uhm actually doc, I listen to my heart on the regular and it literally never skips even if I want it to so I don't think that's the issue"

Sigh. At least it's hot.

[cyperthingevery]

I thought “I've found the key to heaven” when I found this #cardiophilia tag.

Now I don't feel much when I think about it. Still, it's nice not to be alone.

I wish I had a normal sexual desire or attraction or like...whatever it is... I wish I had it too. Something's missing or weird about me. I don't know.

[cyperthingevery]

If anything makes you loose interest in hearts it’ll probably be how shitty the heart world is

I agree... There's too much sexual content… and literally I feel nothing. But still love hearts.

[cyperthingevery]

I don't know that something has changed, or that I've grown up. I'm in a relationship now. At first, talking about his heart felt extremely orgasmic, but now it's moved away from that sexual theme. His heart has become something overly romantic and peaceful for me.

I'm afraid of becoming an a-sexual person. I know being asexual isn't a bad thing. In fact, I can't even call myself asexual, because I can tell whether people are attractive or not. I have very low interest in sex because it's just a romantic subject for me. The only things my partner and I are interested in are physical contact and romantic attraction, actions. Lying on his chest, listening to his heart, kissing him, hugging him—our emotional bond seems enough for me.

Just... Like... My only interest is hearts, and the thought that I might lose it in the future worries me.

[cyperthingevery]

Holy shitt im so triggered

[cyperthingevery]

Yesterday my friend took my hand and put it over her heart. She just was nervous about her final exam. I don't think I've ever been so annoyed in my life. She did it three times. Three… Even though I took my hand away quickly each time. I feel like I'm being abused.

[yami-heart]

Comic: Sadictic Beauty Extra Story B