ju2t another doom2day theory

hello wriiggliing fle2h monkiie2, iit'2 come two my attentiion, through a 2udden cata2trophiic overload of noii2e iin my head, that you are all de2tiined to diie twomorrow. ii'd feel bad for you, iif ii wa2n't already dead my2elf. wonderiing how? well then your morbiid curiiou2iity ii2 iin luck, a2 a fully realiized mage of doom ii can piick your annoyiing voiice out of the 2ea of other annoyiing voiice2 and tell you ju2t that. ((This blog is a joke, please don't take anything it says seriously. It is no way related to real life events or prophecies. Do not try to escape your foretold fate, that would be a waste of your time.))

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look2 liike you all 2urviived yet another doom theory. your prophet2 are fuckiing 2hiit.

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sollux you3r 4 pr3tty r4d guy 4nd 1 hop3 you know th4t wh3n 1ts th3 3nd for us 4ll

wow uh thank2. ii thiink you're a liittle confu2ed and a whole lot wrong, but agaiin not here two judge.

ii'd tell you how you're goiing two diie but you 2orta

already

diid

that.

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Sollux, I really don't want to have the aformentioned shitty death you theorized me before, any way I could pull some strings on my end and change my fate?

what do you thiink ii am doiing makiing thii2 2hiit up off the top of my head?

you're 2tuck wiith thii2 2hiity death get over iit. ju2t liike the re2t of u2.

the only way ii could change your death ii2 two kiill you my2elf and ii don't even care enough two hate you enough two do that.

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Sollux, how am I going to perish from this beautiful planet?

you're giirlfriiend wiill go axe crazy and kiill you ju2t liike iin your aniime2.

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what am ii even goiing two do wiith my2elf after thii2?

remember, you have two 2end an a2k 2o ii can tell you how you'll diie.

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what is my fate o foresighted one

fore2iighted? you'd better now be makiing pun2 on calliing me four eyed...

what even ii2 an avocado anyway? you'll fiind out when one murder2 you iin your 2leep.

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there'2 a liittle under three hour2 left on the clock before my bubble'2 tiime zone roll2 over two the day of your reckoniing.

that mean2 there'2 a liittle under three hour2 left for you two 2eek out the 2ource of your death before you all realiize ii wa2 2hiitiing you.

ii'm waiitiing.

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is your face face

yeah my face ii2 a face but your2 won't look liike one anymore when what you thiink ii2 a pen turn2 out two actually be an explo22iive detonatiion 2wiitch.

at lea2t you're goiing out wiith a bang.

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Oh great red-and-blue one, how will my demise come tomorrow?

damn riight ii am great.

ii wii2h ii could 2ay your death ii2 ju2t a2 great but

you get 2quii2hed by a falliing book2helf.

that'2 a lot of heavy readiing.

eheheh

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So Sollux, how is me and my dogs end going to come about? or just mine

aliien2 hiigh jack the miind2 of your dog2 and they eat you. the2e aren't troll2 by the way they are the 2hiity kiind of aliien2 not that we aren't 2hiity becau2e we are. whatever, aliien2. your dog2. mind control. you're dead.

the dog2 liive though ii gue22 untiil that 2upernova ii mentiioned before.

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I hope our session starts tomorrow! 8)

two bad you can't actually 2ave earth. hey plot twii2t, the planet 2tiill get2 pummeled by thou2and2 of meteor2 and everyone 2till dii2.

ii gue22 2ome of you get two diie playiing a game whiich you thiink would be okay, but iit'2 NOT. iit'2 the wor2t po22iible game ever and ii wii2h ii'd ju2t 2tayed on alterniia and

anyway, your goiing two be eaten by an iimp. cool riight? good game riight?

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Hey, I like your butt! How do I die?

ehehehe hey you have good ta2te2.

2adly good ta2te2 have never 2aved anyone from iimpendiing doom. an earthquake rock2 your hiive and cau2e2 the chandeliier you are goiing two have iin2talled iin the morniing, becau2e THAT'2 a 2mart move, two fall2 on you.

but hey, ii bet your butt ii2 niice two?

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Yo Sol, how am I going to die?

there'2 a my2teriiou2 2hort ciircuiit iin the electriical wiire2 of your hiivehold and iit explode2 iin a fanfaiir of p2iioniic2--ii mean unexplaiined electriical 2hiit.

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Wow. I really want to see how this goes. How am I going to die?

you take iit upon your2elf two iignore the better judgement of your miirthful mayan me22iah2, fuck that word, and go two the zoo.

what could go wrong at the zoo? everythiing. the zoo2 2ecret experiiment2 two breed diino2aur2 from chiicken egg2 goe2 intwo full 2wing and you are cha2ed around by a pack of chiicken 2iized reliic2 from earth2 pa2t.

you fiind 2olace at la2t behiind a vendiing machiine. one of tho2e plant eatiing type2 goe2 wanderiing pa2t and you thiink ii 2hould pet that.

iit 2tep2 on you.

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please tell me my death isn't going to be pathetic like choking on an ice cube or something!

ii'm 2orry.

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Got any predictions for me, Captor?

ii have prediictiion2 for everyone. iit'2 liike captor'2 per2onal 2oup kiitchen for apocalyptiic prediictiion2, free death 2cenariio2 for all.

ii wiill now 2poon your fate iintwo a bowl for you.

you fiigure your2elf a 2mart human, and judgiing by your iicon you probably ARE, and diig a hole iin the ground for your own end of the world bunker.

keep2 the aliien2 at bay and a good deal of tho2e happen2tance death2 that keep poppiing up. eventually you get hungry though and fiigure a triip two the friidge would be 2afe enough grab 2ome chiip2 maybe a gla22 of miilk maybe even 2ome cookiie2 your lu2u2 baked for you.

bad iidea.

the friidge explode2.

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Curiouser and curiouser! How will I die?

you place two much tru2t iin an automatiic door on the day of your human apocalyp2e whiile you are runniing away from the aliien2 that previiou2 human faiiled two 2top. the door doe2n't open.

normally that would leave your 2oft 2quii2hy baby grub 2kiin bruii2ed for a day, thii2 tiime iit leave2 you vaporiized by hiighly advanced aliien technology. what a bla2t.