all roads lead back to the loneliness i felt as a child

if i look back, i am lost
Alisa U Zemlji Chuda
Xuebing Du
2025 on Tumblr: Trends That Defined the Year

Love Begins
Sade Olutola
Mike Driver
Not today Justin
dirt enthusiast

#extradirty
will byers stan first human second
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
art blog(derogatory)
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styofa doing anything
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me

titsay

Andulka
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@istansquirrels
all roads lead back to the loneliness i felt as a child
higuruma nanami helpin you at work
maki
Tomorrow.
The BEST Higuruma fanart 😩
GUYS I MISS HEESEUNG ALREADY 💔
its gonna be rlly hard for enhypen now cuz heeseung was literally the centre, the main vocalist, the one who hit all those insane high notes that made every performance stand out. like fr, whos even gonna sing those now?? its gonna feel… off without him.
but also can we chill with everybody yelling “theyre mistreating enhypen” and “protest against it” ?????? like… maybe he wanted to leave. not everything has to be some conspiracy by the company. he literally had the talent to do whatever he wanted. he was always going to be able to shine, solo or in a group.
i mean, no cap, he’s that good. and honestly? i think people are overreacting a lil. enhypen will survive, but it’s gonna be a different vibe without him. he can literally just… do his thing as a solo artist and kill it. AND i also feel like he wanted to leave the company overall but hybe convinced him to stay MAYBE??
can i be seen?
can i be seen tonight ? not for who i could be but for who i am the real me, with flaws, an imperfect daughter, sister and student not looked at, but seen my scars that run deep, never healed poison stuck in throat, never digested i may wish for destruction but it wont ever come to life perhaps i am unfortunate for someone who wishes death, death just wont arrive time has passed and ive counted it all- minutes, hours, days watching the world move past me while im still stuck in a loop if i speak, someone might hear someone might help but i am afraid, maybe the real me isnt meant to be seen i will forever pretend but i hope someone looks closely and sees me
your mental health will take everything from your life until it eventually takes your life
I think having one really crazy batshit insane mental breakdown would fix me.
Jongho day!!!
Loser pt2 | Park Seonghwa
part 2/2, part 1
by the time seonghwa, once again spilled an entire glass of iced coffee over his own lap while trying to pull out your chair, his friends decided they couldn’t let this tragedy go on any longer.
it wasn’t just embarrassing anymore, it was very painful to witness. every interaction between you and seonghwa was like a slow-motion disaster, predictable of course but still annoying.
wooyoung spearheaded the operation. "we're forming a club," he declared dramatically, tossing a notebook onto the coffee table where he san and yeosang had gathered to hand out but of course wooyoung had to bring up his lovesick bestfriends' unhappening love life. on the cover of the notebook he’d written hwa's humiliations: volume i. inside were twenty-seven entries already logged, each with the date and a short description.
"number thirteen," san read aloud, flipping through the pages, ''tripped over a mop bucket trying to reach for y/n. result: wet pants, wet shoes and a wounded pride.''
yeosang didn't even look up from his phone. ''you're all idiots and so is he.''
still, none of them could deny the entertainment value of the club because that was the only fun thing happening in their lives so the club grew and they kept score, made bets, they even debated strategy. eventually, though, their collective amusement gave way to exasperation. the man was never going to confess on his own.
the intervention came on a tuesday evening.
seonghwa walked into his apartment to find his friends suspiciously gathered, faces far too eager for whatever was about to unfold. before he could retreat and run back to safety, wooyoung locked the door.
"hyung," san began, "your behavior has reached catastrophic levels. we can't stand by and watch you ruin yourself in front of y/n anymore."
wooyoung slid the notebook across the table like it was evidence in a trial. "this is your record. twenty-seven counts of failure. twenty-seven counts of embarrassment, twenty-seven reasons you need our help."
seonghwa stared at the pages, horrified. "you've been keeping track?" seonghwa had an urge to slide the three of them job application forms.
"of course," wooyoung said, offended he’d even asked.
it wasn't long before a plan was made. they'd orchestrate a flawless romantic moment. yeosang reluctantly agreed to keep you distracted long enough for seonghwa to set up. san and wooyoung just had to decorate the room, but obviously something had to go wrong.
the lights short-circuited halfway through, the music on the speakers skipped from a soft ballad to an aggressive hip-hop track in between seonghwa's rehearsed proposal which made him forget his lines and stutter and switch the topic to something completely random.
you looked at him, utterly confused.
his friends, hidden badly behind the door, burst into laughter so loud the whole act collapsed in on itself. poor seonghwa just wanted the ground to swallow him whole.
but then, you smiled. not the amused, indulgent smile you usually gave when he fumbled, but something softer. "you know," you said, tilting your head, "for someone so put-together, you really do lose your mind around me."
the silence that followed was deafening. his friends froze, peeking in with wide eyes.
"not that i mind it, rather i think its quite cute" you continued, paying no mind to the three boys that were clinging to the doorframe like overgrown children at hoping to get a peek of the circus or a very red seonghwa.
seonghwa was pretty sure he misheard. maybe the faulty speaker had distorted your words. maybe he’d finally lost touch with reality after weeks of humiliation.
your laugh was soft, not mocking, and it steadied him more than any pep talk ever could. “don’t strain yourself,” you said, "i think i get it now.''
his head snapped up, eyes wide. "you… you know?"
"of course i know," you replied simply, tilting your head like it was the most obvious thing in the world- which it was not because you too took too long to realize "i was just waiting for you to stop panicking long enough to actually say it."
behind you, san whispered, "holy crap, it worked," and was immediately shushed by yeosang.
i like you,” he blurted at last, raw and clumsy but truer than anything he’d ever said. "i've liked you for so long, and i kept messing everything up, and i—"
you reached across the table and took his hand, effectively ending his spiral. "good," you said lightly, squeezing his fingers. "because i like you too. and honestly i was starting to wonder how many more iced coffees it was going to take before you figured it out."
from the hallway, wooyoung finally lost it, shouting, "club disbanded!" before the three idiots scattered
and the idiot in front of you? for once, seonghwa didn't care how embarrassing it all was. because you were still holding his hand, and that was more than enough.
Office Hours | Kento Nanami
"Why are you in my office?" Nanami doesn’t even look up from his report. His pen keeps moving in smooth, precise curves as he continues working in a file. You had just walked in and, without asking, made your way straight to his desk where his papers were spread out. You grabbed a few of them and tossed them to the sofa near the door, then perched yourself right on the edge of his desk. "I was told to report to my superior," you say sweetly.
"By who?"
You lean in a little. "My heart."
"Loser" | Park Seonghwa
part 1/2, part 2
seonghwa had always carried himself with a certain quiet grace. he was always proper, not a single thing out of place- properly combed hair, neatly ironed clothes and a perfectly charming smile.
people often thought he was 'perfect', someone who never let anything crack through his polished exterior but what they didn’t know was that the moment you stepped into a room, all that composure shattered in ways that were well, quite comedic.
it was supposed to be simple, at least in his mind. if he liked you, he should just make it obvious-a compliment here, a small gesture there, something enough to drop a hint without having to actually say the terrifying words out loud. however with seonghwa, the execution never matched the intent.
at the cafe you both frequently went to unwind after long days, he always tried to slide his cup closer to yours, hoping you’d notice the way his fingers lingered near yours. instead, he’d knock his drink over more often than not, ruining the table and scrambling for tissues while you calmly laughed and told him he was hopeless. which he actually was, just not in the way you meant.
he even rehearsed words in the mirror, small praises he thought he would slip in between conversations hoping that they would make your heart skip, yet when the opportunity presented itself, they never came out right.
wooyoung and san teased him mercilessly whenever his eyes drifted in your direction for too long or when he went an extra mile just to see you smile. it wasn't just him though, you too were quite oblivious which just made him fumble more often. everyone else could see it. you accepted his odd gestures with casual gratitude, never noticing the way his hands shook slightly when passing you something or when his gaze would just linger upon you or when his lips parted as if he was just about to let his love slip out of his mouth.
late at night, when he sat at his desk with his head resting on his folded arms, he would sigh into the quiet. he was a man in love, undone by his own nerves and hopeless strategies.
he was a hopeless case, a walking embarrassment, he was so pathetic that his friends had practically started a club about it just to maintain a count of him messing up everything in front of you. yet if he was honest, he didn’t mind the humiliation. if his endless fumbling made you smile, he'd do it more often.
was it an insane case of loserism? absolutely. but he'd do anything just for you.
Don’t Let Go | Shidou Ryusei
Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3
You sat there, forehead still pressed to his, heartbeat still uneven and awfully fast.
And then, of course — Shidou had to ruin it.
"So…" he said, voice a little hoarse, "wanna make out or…?" You pulled back and smacked his chest. "Are you serious right now?!" "I just bared my soul to you," he said dramatically. "I deserve at least a kiss."
You shook your head, laughing to yourself. "You're unbelievable."
"Wouldn't mind dying in my sleep tonight."
If sleep took me away slowly beneath my bedsheets, I don’t think I’d fight it. No final note, no goodbyes. Just a silent departure from this cruel world.
I am tired of it all, For I have no strength to go forward, This time i wouldn’t mind just falling asleep Without a single worry.
I imagine it like sinking, slow and peaceful, its a need, since my dreams are drowning under a weight too heavy to name.
But still— there’s always that flicker, A traitorous thought: what if tomorrow doesn’t hurt as much?
So if tonight the stars don’t call, And morning finds me again, I'll rise for another day and wait for the next time.