saying that i'm actively trying at recovery now would be a bit of an exaggeration since i currently can't work out and exercise helps me massively in my healthy habits, but i think i'm finally able to distance myself from this thought that was kind of always underlying that said: restricting will benefit me, regardless of the situation. i know i'm still the same person but the past few months have been so hard for me, and have changed me so much, i think at this point i'm just like ... i want good things
i want good things to happen to me and that won't be achievable through restriction. rationally (although emotionally, not yet really) i know that restriction only brings fleeting joy, even though it can be pretty exhilarating, that's not what i want. i want stable, long-term happiness. and i want to not be crushed when things go bad but to have a bit of stability left. restriction can take that away from you. no matter whether you feel good or bad restricting, you are necessarily fragile (in every way)
