Brutally Honest Roasts of the Signs
(Note: The key word here is brutal. Talking from personal experiences with the signs… and then over exaggerating… do not take seriously - all depends on your overall chart. Look at sun and venus. Sorry some are shorter than others, haven’t encountered all of the signs properly.)
Aries: Can you just calm down for a sec? It’s like you can’t be content unless there’s something going on or some sort of person you’re chasing. Emphasis on chasing too. If they’re too easy, you’re over it. Why does everything in life need to be a challenge?
Taurus: You need to open up. Do you wonder why Taurus’ are called the ‘boring ones in the zodiac?’ It’s because y’all take 10 years and 7.5 days to let someone in.
Gemini: I mean there’s a reason people think you’re Satan… Okay jk, that’s not true haha. But seriously stop obsessing over everyone else and start paying attention to yourself. Figure yourself out whilst you’re there too.
Cancer: You know the song cry me a river? Pretty sure it was written by a cancer for a cancer. Nuff said.
Leo: I doubt you’re even reading this, you’re probably too busy staring in a mirror… or at your significant other. Obsessed much?
Virgo: Every virgo I meet thinks they’re the shit… they’re not.
Libra: Will you ever stop being passive aggressive? For people who are known for being so chill, you guys have about 100 problems and 99 of them are to do with you never saying what you mean.
Scorpio: We get it you’re so deep and spiritual… can you actually show it for a change instead of constantly repeating it?
Sagittarius: Everyone says you’re so brutally honest, but you just speak your own version of the truth… and your own version of the truth is usually a lie or wrong.
Capricorn: Stop being so damn nice all the time. It makes me suspicious.
Aquarius: God complex. You ask for advice and then straight up ignore it because you ‘always know best’.
Pisces: Now I’m not saying you guys are all cheaters, but 8/10 pisces I know have cheated. Annnnnd I’m dating one. Fuck, I’ve played myself.
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