BIRD LAWYER

[d1rtgrubz]

𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐑𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐀 𝐒𝐏𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐑. (spider, spider.)  𝐇𝐄'𝐒 𝐃𝐄𝐄𝐏 𝐈𝐍 𝐌𝐘 𝐒𝐎𝐔𝐋. (soul)   He's lived here for years (years.)   And he just won't let go. He's laying around. He's got a mean bite. Now he's ready to fight . . . And stand up for what he knows . . . I don't need your trophies or your gold I just want to tell you all: go fuck yourselves . . . Go fuck yourselves . . . 𝐆𝐎 𝐅𝐔𝐂𝐊 𝐘𝐎𝐔𝐑𝐒𝐄𝐋𝐕𝐄𝐒. I really mean to tell you " fuck you, motherfucker,   I DON'T NEED YOU IN MY BAR.  "

Private, selective & independent CHARLIE KELLY, as seen on IT'S ALWAYS SUNNY IN PHILADELPHIA. A study in damaged goods, wounded minds, substance abuse & manipulation hidden beneath insanity. As beaten senseless by Gray ( he/ him, 19+. ) . . . Dead dove do not eat. 

.☀.-CARRD-☀- blogroll- ☀-PERMANENT INTERACTION CALL-☀.

AFFILIATES/MAINS : : wintrd + . . .

.☀. 𝐃𝐑𝐀𝐅𝐓𝐒: 03 (𝐐:00) 𝐈𝐍𝐁𝐎𝐗: 00 𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐈𝐓𝐘: spotty 𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄𝐙𝐎𝐍𝐄: GMT+4 .☀.

[aston1sh1ng]

I am and probably will remain SO damn sporadic on all of my blogs both ic and ooc because I have so many irl things going on that I literally barely have time for my own private writing, let alone rp. Call it a semi-hiatus or so if you want, but I'm definitely gonna be around, just in the way a fly sits in a locked drawer waiting for it to open ...

[bruz3r]

Not the first time he’d been called that but definitely the first time the sentiment has confused him. He watches him, similar to the vermin he seems bent on catching, skittering around, tail between his legs and trying to catch the proverbial cheese at the end of it. Where in this scenario, the cheese is a sensible thought. 

     [ ₁ ] And there’s no cheese in sight. 

BRUCE WAYNE is almost not sure whether he should stick around to find out if he’ll manage to exit the way he entered or if his twenty years worth of secret is now standing on the precarious shoulders of this stranger. His mouth opens to offer an argument. Some form of dissent but not too far away from the feeling of being faced with one of THE RIDDLER’s more challenging puzzle, he is almost confounded where he stood. 

A weary sigh escapes him instead. Feet bogged down by the seemingly glaring unlikelihood of his future downfall in the hands of CHARLIE KELLY. 

     [ ₂ ] Not impossible.       [ ₃ ] Just – in the moment – unlikely. 

“Are you hoping to kill this demon rat – “ He waves over his particular choice of weapon incredulously. “ With that? “ 

[d1rtgrubz]

The question puts pause to Charlie's delicate endeavor. His grasp on the rat stick loosens, just a tad, the thing swung and thumped against flooring with little regard for what it might scrape along the way. "Uh, yeah??"

NOT GOD,   then.   Mac says God knows all :   including what you very obviously intend to do. Guy comes in chasing a rat, wielding an incredible weapon CLEARLY designed to bash them;   anyone with the sensibilities of the almighty should understand the ongoing endeavor.

If the man is not God, that means he cannot smite Charlie. Which, at the end of that long-winded string of barely cohesive logic, sends him pummeling at the conclusion he is approachable enough. For what? Why, pushing out of the way, of course. "You're kinda making it so much harder right now, like - shoo?" There's little hesitation as worn sneakers struggle not to squeak against flooring, or as a hand moves up to quite literally swat at Bruce Wayne - to Charlie, random bat weirdo - like he is a fly. An intrusion upon Charlie's affairs.

"Shoo. Shoo."   He demonstrates said shooing with further swats of blistered palm. Then the rat stick is promptly drawn in response to a gentle squeak beneath the strange car.

"Aaaah. There he is. There's the little fucker."   He hunches, grins like a Chihuahua being rewarded for its best trick.   "C'mere."   It just so happens the rat is safe from the stick. The car, though? Well, it's protecting it. Like a shield. And what do madmen do when faced with shields? ... He raises his stick further, touching torn fabric over shoulders and ready to do what, in his mind, will be productively slamming through the obstacle. 

[charliekellysballsweat]

charlie kelly core

[d1rtgrubz]

@hartlines : "It's a shame I'll have to kill you when we're done with this." From the Terminator. It's a joke, but it doesn't sound like one with his deadpan tone.

WHAT IS THIS NOW?   

In what world did Charlie ever do anything to deserve this? His virtues know no bound, around the Terminator. He even offered the begrudging gift of his friendship and a pigeon carcass. What more could a man possibly want as reason to step aside and accept that Charlie Kelly is not someone to kill? Maybe even one to bequeath money upon. He needs to do some damage control.

"Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh...."   he eloquently begins, derpy irises following lips parted as though to salivate. He hasn't thought through what to say, in the pause he just took to read the situation. That, however, does not seem to prevent him from vomiting a bout of barely intelligible words - a threat hidden beneath them if one cared to look.   "I mean, if you feel like killing me, man, like, I'll be forced to use serious power on you."   He stares a matter-of-factly, trying to feign casual demeanor to some degree of success.

"Have you seen my rat stick? It's right behind the bar."   SHIT. Probably shouldn't have clued him in on that.   "And I've bashed and killed, like, so many rats with this thing. Three million billions or something close to that, really. I personally reckon you're no bigger than maybe ..."   Gaze trails to take the size of him in - the way he towers over the janitor's form with little effort.   That's ten, twenty, thirty ---     "a hundred rats and, uh, some change.   Like a tail here and a few eyes there to really make you whole.   But, the point is, I can take a hundred rats and some change if you try me but you shouldn't try me because I don't want to hurt you. I'm totally - I like you.   I totally like you.   I love you, even. Would you try and kill a man who loves you and would be forced to bash you like a hundred rats and get clinically depressed and hang himself in the shower  thereby having his blood on your equally dead hands?" 

[x51163-a-deactivated20260512]

it surely had started innocently enough , yet there the detective couldn't remember how : not anymore , under the weight of conversation that had taken a hard left off the map of logic & crashed STRAIGHT INTO ABSURDITY . the words coming out of his mouth stopped following any recognizable path ― and for that jay tilted his head slightly , crease between his brows deepening as he blinked slowly : as if such act might help subtitles appear , or maybe draw sense back to it . all to no avail . instead he KEPT TALKING CONFIDENTLY whilst sentences looped back on themselves & references landed with no context ― until the whole thing sounded more like riddles than a speech .

as moment followed its course , many times DETECTIVE WANTED TO INTERRUPT : demand clarification , or latch onto something with apparent meaning ― just to see it replaced by something even stranger in a split - second . maybe he missed the point somewhere . maybe this was some inside joke he wasn't in on . & yet again he glanced around for clues , for anything to help the feeling of trying to decipher a dream mid - sentence : all while man before him kept going like it all made perfect sense . like jay was the one struggling to keep up with reality . finally , AS SILENCE GRACED THEM BOTH , he took a breath & allowed voice to move carefully . ❛   do you think i have the keys to the whitehouse ? do you think ... the mayor lives in the whitehouse ? man ... are you on SOMETHING ?   ❜

[d1rtgrubz]

The sheer confusion on the other's face puts pause to Charlie's plans. That gentle twinge of pity in his eyes seems to find its way back, and he is stuck in contemplative thought staring right at the man. How far has corruption spread in their midst, for him to be so ignorant? For him to be left out of such simple things as the Mayor's whereabouts? Charlie feels bad for him. Truly bad. He even wants to help him ...

Until it clicks. He could be one of them. A LIAR. A kernel of corruption just like any other! And there he was, goading Charlie into revealing his grand plan - into compromising himself by throwing information down the drain.

" ... Oh. "   Mildly mad greens squint until his crow's feet are much too apparent.   "I see how it is. I see. So the mayor doesn't live in the white house, and you don't have the keys. That makes sense. I'm with you completely. You're so right, detective,"   his voice seems to be getting a higher - obtusely less genuine, "so right. So so right."

And there it is.   A flinch, a jump and he's on the table making it across to try and lunge on the guy and search his pockets - for the keys to the whitehouse, of course. He can be likened to a feral animal, completely lost in its tracks and wild with hunger. Except he's a human man, so it looks troubling at best. Even his fake beard is slipping in the effort. 

[d1rtgrubz]

my university so graciously placed my final exam at 7:30 pm. exactly 10 minutes after I clock out. It's a 30 min drive if there's no traffic. I'm going to teleport.

[d1rtgrubz]

I will only say this once on here and never again, but I want it to be clear that I resonate with Charlie, not in his coping mechanisms, but in what they're set for - albeit in a slightly different context ( that I don't feel is right to elaborate on ). Most of what I write on this account, especially by way of emotion, is not entirely woven from thin air. There's a reason I want him to be truly looked at and understood, even with all of his bizarreness.

[d1rtgrubz]

@cranetm   :   ❛ don't scream, it will only make this worse. ❜

DON'T SCREAM.

Keep quiet, Charlie, shhh. You don't want your mom ruining all our fun. Our guy time is very important to me, Charlie. Is it important to you? You can talk, kiddo, just not too loud.

Screaming is for everything but this. It's true - so very true - that it would make it worse. Or better, if the fortunes were flipped and Uncle Jack were to be in his stead.

Let's compare hand-sizes, Charlie. You're a growing boy, aren't you? I bet mine are still bigger. Do you think they'll always be bigger, Charlie?

He's not sure what makes it so different this time. Charlie doesn't know. Charlie never knows. He indulges and indulges until he's slipped to the point of no return. And when it dismays him? Well, that's when he indulges a little more.   "Okay."   Feeble voice murmurs. This isn't Paddy's janitor speaking. This is someone he's long buried along with the image of those small, small hands.

How old are you now, kiddo? It feels like it's been an eternity since I've seen you. You're taller now. Let me see your hands.

Somewhere in the paint fumes and gasoline was a bond itching to form with the toxin. What on its lonesome showed him terrors he knew he could snap in half, shows him something he could never conceive among their ranks. No, it's not scary. There isn't a word for what it is. There isn't a word more powerful than terrifying. And so it is nothing. Nothing at all. A nothing that stretches and claws at the battered edges of his childhood pajamas. Yet its nails do not meet skin. They are tender. Tender in a way that coils his intenstines 'round his neck and tugs, tugs, tugs until he cannot breathe and his chest wells with the dismay that, along with the rest of him, it is not his to keep. 

He always sees the hands. Today, he sees the man.

So, he is still. He curls like a fetus, gives his back to the very cause, and closes his eyes.

He needs his Badroom. It doesn't seem real. Nothing does, besides what is. Besides what weighs on his back. 

Quiet, lonesome tear beckons him from beneath tight lids to steer and fight.

He holds an empty beer bottle to sealed lips. And does not.  

"Okay." 

[sp4rtoisa]

congratulations to the newly elected president of the spartax empire... peter quill!    +     ft.     eli's retelling of   peter   jason   quill.   light comic  influenced  &  heavily  detached from source canon.

[daemonsdaed]

@d1rtgrubz shouted: ❛ you are over, you little punk-ass bitch ! ❜

Hansel can't remember the last time someone shouted at him like this. That's a lie. Amelia yells at him regularly, but after a lifetime of her bitter vitriol, it's little more than white noise to him. It's when the house is silent that he knows something is wrong. Peace and quiet is never something he can hang onto for long, but his daily coffee and donut run is sacred. It's a time for meditation and rumination. Now, he's a deer in the headlights, if the proverbial deer were nearly six and a half feet tall, with arms spread just as wide.

In one hand, piping hot coffee. In the other, his precious pastry. He's only taken a single bite, not enough to enjoy it properly. His feet are glued in place—figuratively, to be sure, but he wouldn't be surprised if it were literal. He can't move.

"Bring it on...little...man?" His stance has to be enough to intimidate, but if it isn't, he may lose his daily vice.

[d1rtgrubz]

He's picking a fight simply because he can. Such is the way of the little gremlin man who's stumbled his way into Hansel's unsuspecting life. The question isn't whether to lunge, because the intimidation only serves to further fuel the urge in him to scuffle, but how to do it and when. He has to be a bit smart here. His entire head has to tilt up to so much as catch a glimpse of Hansel's eyes, with him stood like that, but once he's there, a primal screech scratches past his throat like it's been piling in there for months on end.

CHARLIE CAN DO THIS!

He builds some momentum, pretending to aim for the man's face before the real victim is revealed to be his cup of coffee. It's punched with such intensity that unless it was made of solid metal, the thing would at least crack. If his grip isn't ironclad, it probably falls to its demise. Either way, Charlie opts to simply yell:   "TAKE THAT!"   

[4o77]

[ #4O77 ] An independent, mutuals-only portrayal of M*A*S*H's very own prankster - meets - surgeon : BENJAMIN FRANKLIN "HAWKEYE." PIERCE.  A study in post - traumatic stress, coping through juvenile humor, and the never-ending battle against The Man. As stitched up by Gray ( he/him, 19+ )  

[cyber-corp]

"you think you're a god? i'm the one who's thriving dennis imeanlookatme"

"You look like you're covered in Hawaiian punch."

"...yeh"

"..yEah."

"mmPh"

[charmac]

This is genuinely so endearing like they really sat him down in a kindergarten class and taught him to read...and picked out the book based on his special interest ... <3

[glitter-hound]

charlie "😀👍" kelly

[specterofthepast]

@theunemployedrogue

[illiteracyspaghetti]

[d1rtgrubz]

TLDR on Charlie & The Waitress. Ty @daemondaes for letting me yap.