~ Currently I am only writing for the character Daryl Dixon from The Walking Dead. But I’m likely to write for others later on down the road.
~ Genres very from fluff to angst
~ My main focus right now is the story I’m writing called Desert Rose which, as of now, is still incomplete.
~ New updates will (hopefully) be weekly.
~ I never have any good ideas for oneshots so I’ll be taking any requests people send me!
~ Most oneshots will be mainly female readers unless requested otherwise.
~ Feel free to request things regarding my series as well, oneshots, headcanons, etc. I’m always open to new ideas.
Fluff ~ 🧸
Angst ~ 🖤
Suggestive ~ 👀
Smut ~ 💋
Series!!<3
~ Desert Rose (ongoing) 🧸💋🖤👀
Series Masterlist Seasons 1-6
Series Masterlist Seasons 7-11
Headcanons ~ Part 1 Part 2 Part 3
Prequel Series!!<3
~ Ashes of Eden (ongoing) 🧸🖤
Prequel Series Masterlist
Oneshots!!<3
~ What If…The World Never Ended 🧸
Drabbles!!<3
~ The Olive Theory 🧸
Summary : You tell Daryl about an old theory you had heard a long time ago, claiming it proved you two were a perfect match.
~ The Collection 🧸
Summary : Collecting different trinkets had always been something you took part in. And surprisingly Daryl did too. But his reasons were a little different from your own.
Mini Oneshots!!<3
~ Potions 🧸
Summary : One night when you’re in the middle of your skincare routine, your boyfriend Daryl suddenly becomes intrigued.
~ Soap and Bubbles 🧸
Summary : When first arriving to Alexandria, you noticed that Daryl is having trouble adjusting. So, you find a way to help him relax.
~ Something New 💋
Summary : In a fit of heated passion, you accidentally reveal a secret kink you had always wanted to try. But surprisingly, Daryl isn’t put off by the idea
~ Finding You 🖤
Summary : After the prison is destroyed, Daryl falls into a deep and painful feeling of grief. Thinking he had lost you forever. But when he finds you’re alive, emotions run high as he finally lets his guard down in your arms.
~ Little Miracle 🧸
Summary : You break the news to Daryl that you’re pregnant. However…he doesn’t exactly react the way you expected him to.
Oneshots!!<3
~ Enchanting 🧸
Summary : After Daryl meets you at a dreaded get together in Alexandria, his mind is constantly flooded with the thoughts of you. When months go by and he still hasn’t made a move, someone gives him just the nudge he needs.
~ Chicken Soup for the Soul 🧸
Summary : When Daryl returns home from a longer run, you notice quickly he had come down with something. It takes a little convincing, but eventually, he allows you to take care of him.
~ Don’t Go 🖤
Summary : After returning from a run, Daryl quickly finds out that you had been severely injured while he was gone. The sight of you was heartbreaking, but the thought of losing you forever was even more painful.
~ Older 👀
Summary : When confessing your feelings for Daryl after keeping them bottled up inside for so long, he ultimately rejects you. But you somehow find a way to make him regret it.
~ Older | Part 2 💋
Summary : Things only grow more tense between you and Daryl as you meet for dinner to “discuss” what’s been happening between the two of you.
~ Sunshine 🧸
Summary : Daryl has always been somewhat of a serious man, taking everything going wrong around him to heart as he stewed over them constantly. But lucky for him, you’re always around to cheer him up.
~ A Friend 🧸
Summary : Working and dealing with the walkers outside the fences one day had grown to be too much as you desperately needed to get away from the noise. When you found something else to occupy your time, you slowly realize how boring it became. But luckily, Daryl’s able to keep you company.
~ Bedtime Stories 🧸
Summary : You and Daryl stumble into a library after being chased by a herd of walkers, forcing the two of you to stay hidden in the building for a long while. Though amongst the chaos, a sweet moment seems to unfold between the two of you.
~ Pretty When I Cry 🖤🧸
Summary : From the very start you had been struggling to have a decent relationship with the Dixon brothers. Trying your best to show your kindness since they arrived. But one day Daryl seems to snap after an incident, sending you spiraling in a flurry of emotions. However, he manages to venture back and pick up the pieces he’s broken.
~ Forever 🖤🧸
Summary : For months now, Daryl has found himself going down a deep rabbit hole of the thoughts in which he cannot escape. His insecurities about his age and your relationship is all he’s able to ponder over. But in the end, you make a promise to stick around forever.
~ Sticks and Stones 🧸
Summary : After arriving in the brand new community, you quickly find it’s not exactly what it chalked up to be. An incident occurs, causing you to snap. But Daryl just so happens to be at the right place at the right time.
~ Cigarettes After Sex 🖤💋
Summary : Knowing Daryl for so many years, it was still unclear what was going on between the two of you. Having to get past the fear in order to finally see what you had been missing out on all along.
~ Fuck it, I love you 🖤💋
Summary : You and Daryl had always been close since the start. But when things grow a little complicated after the Commonwealth, a wedge is created between the two of you. Though when two of your people suddenly go missing, it brings the two of you together once more after being apart for so long. But the question remains; is it enough to save your relationship?
~ Beauty is in the Eye of the Beholder 🧸
Summary : When your insecurities start to get the better of you, Daryl manages to come in at the right time to give you the reassurance you need. Wanting to show you how he sees you through his own eyes.
~ Practice Makes Perfect 💋
Summary : When Daryl opens up about his lack of experience with relationships and…other things, he finds your reaction is definitely not what he expected.
~ Rules were Meant to be Broken 🧸🖤
Summary : Having to keep your relationship with Daryl a secret was hard, considering your father thought he was no where near good enough for you. For the most part, you managed to sneak out and see him whenever you could get the chance. Though you weren’t prepared for the rude awakening that was brewing.
~ My Girl 🧸
Summary : After the community of Woodbury moves into the prison walls, Daryl has a hard time letting his guard down. He’s especially a little overprotective of you…
~ Not So Scary After All 🧸
Summary : After spending some time on the farm and around the rugged man with the crossbow, it’s brought to your attention that he had a slight fear of horses. But with a little help from you, the walls he built around himself seem to crumble in more ways than one.
Warnings : Mentions of blood, death, gore, swearing, sex, violence, etc.
Prologue ~ When a zombie apocalypse breaks out and wipes over half of the population, Rose is left alone to take on this new world as it unfolds. She knew it would be difficult, for things to not work out the way they once did, turning in ways she never would've expected. But what she really didn't expect was to come across more survivors like her. Not only that, but the journey that would come right along with it.
Disclaimer ~ This is a fan fiction I wrote that follows the TV show The Walking Dead, Seasons 1-11. This mainly follows the entirety of the plot of the show, but there will be little changes here and there that I've added on my own. There may be some disturbing topics in some chapters, but there will always be a warning at the top before you read. I don’t own any of the characters in the series except for my OC. As of now the story is not complete, but there will be weekly updates. Let me know if you would like to be added to the taglist!
In this chapter ~ Trouble simmers when the trip to Hilltop doesn't go according to plan. It seems as though they're...being found at every turn they take. But once nightfall hits and the whistles sound, they knew right then they couldn't fight it anymore.
The world outside was nothing but a blur while Abraham sped down the road as fast as he could. I stared out the window beside me in the back of the RV, lightly holding Maggie's hand from where she tried to rest on the small bed. None of us knew how or what exactly happened, one minute she was getting her hair cut by Enid, a fresh start, and the next she was toppled over on the ground in excruciating pain. In fear there was something wrong with the baby, the rest of us acted fast.
Packing up every useful thing we could manage along with a whole lot of backup, we rushed out of Alexandria to find the nearest doctor; Hilltop was our best bet despite how far away it still seemed. Time was what we needed the most, and yet it was the scarcest thing we couldn't grasp.
My gaze couldn't help but drift to Maggie's pale figure every few seconds, watching her brows furrow, her jaw tense, the pain she was enduring on display for me to see. I felt so useless. Just sitting here unable to do anything to take it away but instead just watch as she physically tried to fight it off herself. Despite not wanting to go down the rabbit hole of fear, my mind still managed to wander, conjure up the worst-case scenario. We didn't know what was wrong with her, if there was anything Carson could do once we arrived, and it was killing me. But I wouldn't say any of these things aloud, so I just delt with it silently, the anxious shaking in my legs never easing up along the bumpy ride.
One in particular had been a little harsher than the rest, jolting Maggie ever so slightly just enough for her eyes to peek open. Instantly she shifted, which then came another groan of discomfort.
My grip tightened ever so slightly to get her to still, "Hey, take it easy." my voice tried to sooth, flashing her a small, reassuring smile.
She exhaled a deep breath, looking around a bit puzzled, "How long was I asleep?"
"Not long," I shook my head, "We're about thirty minutes out." I felt her shift again against the few pillows she was propped up with, her fingers gently squeezing around mine. "Are you comfortable?"
"As comfortable as I can be." she spoke quietly before resting her head, gazing up at me almost gratefully, "I'm glad you're here..."
"Where else would I be?" I asked rhetorically and took my free hand to push back the hair that had stuck to her forehead. It was different than I had expected, but a good kind of different. I swear she could pull off anything. "On the bright side, your hair turned out pretty cute."
My lighthearted yet sincere comment seemed to brighten her eyes, "You think so?"
"I know so." I insisted, "Enid did a good job."
She smiled, "Thanks, Ro."
The change in conversation diverted her attention away from the current predicament, even if it was just for a moment, and it was safe to say it clearly made the both of us feel a little better. But obviously it couldn't last. A few minutes swept with silence before another twinge of pain made her face scrunch up once more, her hand falling down to rest upon her lower abdomen.
I sighed quietly, "What can I do?"
"Distract me?" she suggested.
"What?" I asked softly.
"Tell me something hopeful. Make me laugh...you're good at that."
Although her comment flattered me, I had no idea what to say in order to bring her away from the situation at hand. Something positive, something lighter. I racked my brain for anything to spare, to remind not only her, but myself as well of the better times we had. Where it didn't feel like the end of the world all the damn time.
I took a breath, "Do you remember, back at the prison...how we used to stash a few bottles of wine in your cell and drink whenever life got too overwhelming."
Another smile broke out onto her face at the memory, she nodded, "We talked so much shit about those people from Woodbury. The ones we couldn't stand anyway."
"Jeff." I reminded.
"Jeff," she repeated with a small groan, "God he was the worst. Always sass mouthin'."
I laughed lightly, "Or what about that old lady that had a huge crush on Rick? She was probably my favorite."
"Oh my God," she gasped, "I forgot all about her."
Her reaction only made me chuckle harder, "How could you forget? The time she gave him a kiss on the lips, we had to hear about that for weeks." I huffed, absentmindedly glancing over my shoulder toward the front to make sure no one was eavesdropping, "They were good times though..."
Her smile softened at the sudden wistfulness to my tone, her other hand coming up to sandwich mine, "My favorite part was when Glenn would find us and pour himself a drink...we would talk until the three of us started yawning. I wish we could have that again."
"We will." I reassured, "The day that baby pops out, we'll have a drink to celebrate. Just like we used to."
A soft hum of contentment left her at my promise, leaning down to rest her cheek against my hand while her eyes fluttered closed for a moment. "My favorite people." she mumbled.
I felt a little lighter when realizing the old memories of the past seemed to do the trick to put her at ease. It was nice to reminisce, bringing a comforting feel to our hearts in a time of need.
"What the bitch?" Abraham's voice sounded unsurely, causing me to look back again to see the commotion happening on the other end of the vehicle. Feeling the ripple of the engine gradually ease when he unexpectedly put on the brakes to slow us down. And just like that, the moment was broken by reality again.
Maggie perked up a bit when she heard it too, concern returning to crease her features, "What's going on?"
"I don't know..." I trailed off before glancing back at her, "I'll be right back, okay?"
When I saw her nod encouragingly, I stood up and crossed through the narrow hall to the front windshield to see for myself. We had come to a full stop in the middle of the road by the time I gathered around with the rest, something clearly blocking our path. A group of men stood about thirty feet out from the hood, a body lying flat on his back near their feet, clearly wounded and covered in blood. While the rest were staring straight at us like they had been anticipating our arrival, large smiles on each and every one of their faces. It went without saying who they were, we all knew, and I think that's what scared us the most.
"What the hell do we do? Just run them over?" I mumbled aloud.
"Not when their packin' like that," Rick answered, bringing my attention to where their guns were strapped, "Just follow my lead." he spoke before loading his gun and turning to exit the RV.
Instinctively I snatched my machine gun that once was laid out on the table before following behind the group that shuffled out of the narrow space. Aaron hung back to be with Maggie, but the rest of us wanted to make a statement to these assholes who stood in our way. We filed out to stand tall in front of the RV with our guns clutched tightly in our hands, narrowing our eyes to make out their faces from across the way. There was just silence at first; everyone waiting to see who would utter the first word. Threaten the other, make the move, whatever you wanted to call it, I just wanted to find a way around it.
"He's someone who was with a whole lot of someone's who didn't listen." the man with the mustache finally spoke, sounding as if he was speaking in riddles.
More silence.
"We can make a deal. Right here, right now." Rick offered.
"That's right, we can...give us all your stuff. We'll probably have to kill one of you, that's just the way it is, but then we can start moving forward with business. All you have to do is listen." the man said.
I scoffed quietly to myself, unable to look at them any longer with how irritated I grew. The audacity these men thought they held was almost laughable. I had to hand it to them; they were creepy as hell and could probably do a lot of damage if given the chance. But in the end, we would win. No matter how long it took to pick off every last one. We had done it before; we could do it again.
"Yeah..." Rick drug out, "That deal isn't gonna work for us. Fact is I was about to ask for all your stuff, only I'm thinking I don't have to kill any of you...any more of you."
Mustache didn't seem to like that kind of back talk, the smile he wore being slowly stripped. But yet he didn't speak. Instead he wordlessly raised a hand up to signal the man to his right to step forward, watching him follow orders without hesitation as he took out a can of spray paint and shook it almost tauntingly. He then stepped forward toward the injured man on the ground, taking his time to paint some kind of symbol across the sweatshirt he wore before wordlessly falling back in line. You could hear a pin drop with how quiet it was.
"Sorry," he then apologized sarcastically, "My deal is the only deal. We don't negotiate."
Rick's jaw clenched before waving at us to fall back, causing a chain reaction, "Me and my people are leaving." he informed them.
I kept my eyes solely on them as I gently pushed Carl ahead of me, following the others back inside so we could leave.
"Okay, friend..." he spoke again, "Plenty of ways to get to where you're goin'."
His knowing comment made me stop in my tracks and make eye contact with the messenger, the evil grin now returning yet again like he couldn't help himself. I didn't like that at all. Rick noticed this however and placed a hand on my back to keep me moving. "You want to make today your last day on earth?" he called back.
"No...but it's a good thing you bring that up. Think about it, what if it's the last day on earth for you? For someone you love? What if that's true? Maybe you should be extra nice to those people in the RV...or the one you're holding onto. Cause you never know..." he snapped his fingers ominously, "Just like that. Be kind to each other, like you said. Like it's your last day on earth."
His grip slightly tightened its hold on me, "Get inside." he whispered.
That was a no brainer. With my free hand I gripped the railing to walk up the couple steps while he hung back to say one last parting phrase I couldn't bring myself to pay attention to. Last day on earth. There's only two ways this could go in my mind...and I did not like the other option.
Not a second later did Rick follow my lead and slammed the door shut behind him, while I couldn't seem to pull my gaze away from them behind the glass. Still staring with a certain glint to their eyes. Mustache then slowly moved forward toward the practically dead man, raising his foot to kick at him repeatedly until he began to howl in agony.
I put my hand on Abraham's shoulder to pull his attention, "Drive."
He glanced back at me with a flicker of worry, but didn't hesitate to shift the RV in reverse and back it up so we could find another route. Something about that interaction didn't sit right with me. Something about that man didn't sit right with me. He talked as if he knew a secret we weren't in on yet, and the anticipation alone made me want to shiver.
Eugene took his time as he sat tall at the table, searching over the map he'd brought to find another road to our destination. Eventually he managed to pinpoint the next best thing, the safest and easiest way to travel, the only downside was it would surely take longer. But our plan clearly wasn't much of an option anymore as they didn't seem to keen on moving out of the way. But at this given moment, we just needed to get there no matter which direction we went, without any other kind of appearance from the Saviors.
But apparently, that stunt was only the tip of the iceberg with these assholes.
The RV stopped when we were faced with the streets being blocked off yet again, only this time it was with an avalanche of logs that were perfectly stacked. Accompanied by a hanging body wearing the same spraypainted sweatshirt, dangling from the overpass we were parked underneath.
Back up. Go another way.
The brakes squeaked again when we ran into another group of armed people standing their ground side by side. Their smiles the same, their energy dangerous, and the message clear. Like a bunch of soldiers armed and ready for some kind of fight whenever we were ready.
Reverse. Try again.
Abraham groaned in frustration when he was forced to stop at nearly the halfway point to Hilltop. Seeing yet another bunch blocking our path. The only difference now was that there were more of them, lined up and ready. Staring deadpan at us through the clear windows. The sight was growing more chilling the more frequent they became, like they were multiplying, slowly circling us until we had nowhere left to go.
The fourth time we came to an abrupt halt I ran a frustrated hand down my face, "What the hell is it now?" I snapped as I stood up to see what this kind of problem entailed.
Peering out the windshield, we were met with what looked like a line of walkers covering either end of the street. Tethered together with chains so they couldn't wander. There was an obvious pattern here, a setup, and it didn't take a genius to guess who had put this thing together to stall us once more.
"We take them out," Rick instructed, "We can't risk the RV. Stay behind the wheel." he nodded toward Abraham before gesturing for the rest of us to follow him outside.
Our movements were cautious yet guarded, weapons raised high in case we were being watched as we slowly approached the dead with the intention on taking them out quietly. Unconsciously I stuck close to Carl whilst we were out in the open. I didn't want him out here, hell I didn't even want him to come with us to begin with. But either way I knew he would be in danger; with the way the world worked now it followed you everywhere. And though he could handle himself, he let me stand in front of him.
"Putting together a Red Rover like that takes people." Eugene observed, stating the obvious.
I was prepared to ignore his comment and pull out my knife to stab the first one I saw, but when I spotted something all too familiar, it made me freeze. Two bolts sticking out of the walker's chest, the same black and green pattern as Daryl's. The following one wore Michonne's vest and a couple of her dreads stuck on the side of its head. And last down the line held my backpack that Glenn had taken with him on the expedition.
Reality began to sit in for all of us and I slowly shook my head in disbelief, "They have them..." I whispered as I backed up a bit.
"Rose." Rick coaxed as he tried to reach for me.
"Rick, they have them- they fucking have them." I gritted out in fear.
He then moved quickly to stand before me, his hands gently grabbing ahold of my shoulders before I could get too far, "Hey, hey, we will get them back. We'll get them back." he promised.
I shook my head, "No...we won't." I breathed, "Don't you see what's happening here? They're herding us like a bunch of fucking sheep. Forcing us into a corner-"
"Don't finish that sentence," he cut me off with a sharp shake of his head, "They're still alive."
"What if they aren't?" I snapped.
"They are." he assured, "They wouldn't have left this here if they weren't."
The very moment I allowed myself to believe that, even if it was just for a fleeting moment, I realized then just how many people had witnessed my meltdown. Really we were all worried of the same thing, I was just feeling far more expressive.
Finally I allowed myself to breathe, but that too was just as short-lived as the next thing we knew, sudden automatic gunfire started up from all around us. Causing the group to get low to the ground to dodge the ricochet. Quickly did we bounce back from the shock to raise our own guns to fire back toward the trees to find the source that just wouldn't let up. Angry couldn't even begin to describe how I felt, what kind of pressure that struck through my chest. Knowing that our people were being held captive somewhere, most likely beaten and tortured, I wouldn't wish that realization upon my worst enemy.
In the midst of blindly shooting at what we couldn't see, Rick took the opportunity to rush forward and free the walkers so we could easily kill them off with only a few rounds. And when the last body hit the ground, simultaneously we all filed back to the RV to make a quick getaway before someone managed to get hurt in the line of fire. Although it was obvious they weren't aiming to kill.
When the door slammed shut Abraham wasted no time slamming his foot back on the gas, practically sending us all flying forward as he fled the scene. My heart was racing rapidly in my chest, feeling a familiar sting in my eyes as I wobbled toward the table to sit down before I nearly toppled over from how quickly we were speeding. I couldn't help but notice the discarded map, a series of red marks crossing off each and every road we tried. Driving us further from Hilltop, and further from our loved ones. I was unable to think anything but the worst.
All the things I had said to him just hours ago. Was this morning truly the last time I would ever see him? Our last words just meaningless insults we spat at each other? It almost made me sick.
Panic rose to the surface and filled the suffocating air the moment we knew we were free from their restraints for now. Maggie only seemed to be getting worse and we were running out of options. We didn't know how much time left we had to spare.
"Rick."
Abraham's voice brought my attention back to where he sat tall in the driver's seat, the series of unfortunate events growing all the more repetitive. None of us were surprised to see another group standing there, guns loaded, eyes trained, and grins all the more knowing.
"Now can we run them over?" I muttered.
Rick placed a hand over mine before I could even think of raising my gun, "Go back." he nodded to the designated driver.
I smacked him off with a pointed look, "Rick, they are controlling us. We can't let this go on- we have to get through."
"Maggie is in here. Carl is in here. That's not happening, not now." he spoke firm and final before looking to Abraham again, "Go back."
"Where?" Abraham questioned in utter defeat.
None of us held an answer. All we could do was back up again.
Defeated. That's all we were left with as nightfall came sooner than any of us expected it to. The stars now coated the sky like twinkling lights accompanied by the full moon that lit up our surroundings like some kind of beacon. These woods were silent other than the occasional crunch of a branch or a small huff of someone trying to catch their breath. Hauling ass on foot to make it to safety with every last bit of desperation we still had.
When we figured out the RV was a dead giveaway to our location, it was with our best interest to ditch the fucking thing immediately. Along the side of the road was perfectly fine with me, but Eugene was quick to protest. If they were keeping tabs on us, it would be easy for them to connect the dots and track us down; so to everyone's surprise he offered himself up. To drive the vehicle in the opposite direction and draw the Saviors away to give us a fighting chance at making it. It was a hard thing to do, leaving someone behind on their own was the last thing any of us wanted but we didn't have another choice. Maggie's condition was only getting worse, and the sacrifice he was willing to make was something we couldn't just pass up.
I glanced down to where she rested on the cot, Rick and Abraham carrying her on either end while the rest of us kept our eyes peeled. "We're going to get you there, honey. Just hang on." I reassured softly.
The briefest of smiles crossed her face despite the pain she was in before I looked up again to do a scan of our surroundings. It was beginning to grow unsettling with how quiet it grew, one of those times where you wished something would rustle even a little bit to ensure you weren't in another rhelm. Or at least to ensure the world around you wasn't dead. Leaving a pit in your stomach that you couldn't quite explain.
As I continued to squint through the darkness, keeping up with the others, I suddenly felt Carl fall in step beside me as if it were second nature. Our eyes briefly locking which ultimately caused him to speak. "I know you want to protect me...but sometimes you have to let me protect you too."
My brows furrowed in mild confusion, "Where is this coming from?"
"I'm not stupid," he said seriously, "And after what happened to Denise, I won't let anyone die like that again...especially you."
A small frown took over my face as I processed what he was saying. Here I was constantly worried about his safety and ready to throw myself in front of any danger he found himself stuck in. But as it turns out, we had the same kind of agenda.
I shook my head slowly, "Carl-"
Suddenly, my voice was cut off with a bone chilling whistle. It was no longer quiet. But piercing and petrifying.
The few of us jumped at the unexpected noise, unable to pinpoint where it was coming from while frantically looking all around. It sounded as if it was echoing in all different directions and taunting us. Or the echo wasn't really an echo at all.
"Go!" Rick shouted with a nod of his head in the opposite direction, and without further instruction, we took off.
Which way we were going now, I had absolutely no idea. Anywhere if it meant keeping our heads. Though the more my pace picked up to try and get away, something was telling me it didn't matter how far we ran. They got us. There came a whistle from every direction, even if we couldn't see where they were lurking, they could most definitely see us.
Sprinting blindly through the darkness, dodging trees and maneuvering around the giant rocks in our way as Rick and Abraham tried to keep Maggie steady in their grasp. My heart felt like it would beat out of my chest with how hard I was pushing myself to keep up, and yet we were still unable to escape it. Leaving a feeling of terror following over us like a thick black cloud that only continued to expand. There came a clearing we managed to spot straight away and instinctively migrated toward, only for there to come a harsh and blinding light that flashed in our faces, slowing us down and leaving us in a state of shock. My eyes adjusted to the brightness enough to see hundreds of men slowly closing in on us, whistling the same tune as they emerged with their weapons drawn.
I felt the flip in my stomach while I didn't hesitate to raise my own gun to aim at the area around us, scanning desperately for a way out. But there wasn't one. They had us surrounded in the giant circle and there were far too many of them for us to take on alone. My breathing grew heavy as I met eyes with Rick's, seeing him look utterly terrified, and that's what made me lose all the hope I had left. When the noise finally died down enough did I dare to look to my left to see our RV parked before us like it had been waiting for our return, Eugene down on his knees right beside it. His face beaten, bloody, and defeated.
"Good." a male's voice erupted from the darkness, "You made it."
I followed the sound just as he revealed his face, the same man with the mustache stepping out to greet us with his so-called approving grin. "Welcome to where you're going. We'll take your weapons...now." he gestured.
Rick's breathing grew shaky, "We can talk about-"
"We're done talking." he interrupted, "Time to listen."
Then there came series of footsteps from all around, a number of people stepping forward to crowd around us intimidatingly to snag our guns and search our figures. Patting down roughly wherever they could reach. They stripped me from every gun, every knife, every tiny blade I had hidden on me and tossed it aside just out of reach. I looked back up when I noticed someone approaching me out of the corner of my eye, watching the balding man get up in my face. Studying me closely while I barely moved an inch. Clearly he was looking for some kind of fear to feed off of me, but I held his stare without so much as a falter in my breath. Unwilling to fulfill his craving.
However in the unexpected events, Carl stepped forward to shove his shoulders back to get him away from me before he could do or say anything, trying to get in between us. My eyes widened and I reached for his arm to pull him back behind me, but mustache was quicker in grabbing him by the collar of his shirt.
"Hey, you better watch it mister tough guy," he mocked with a scowl before shoving him back to keep him away from me, "Best not try that again."
Carl nearly tumbled over with the force the man had used, and I didn't miss the way his hand rested on his holster in case the kid tried to get near me again. Fixing him again with an unspoken warning. While I on the other hand looked toward him pointedly, something he would easily be able to read.
Don't be stupid.
I knew he didn't want anything to happen to me, but that didn't give him the free pass to put himself in harm's way instead. Like hell I would let these people hurt him.
"Okay..." the man continued when he felt he had made his point, "Let's get her down and get you all on your knees. Lots to cover."
Rick and Abraham hesitantly followed his instruction in setting the cot softly on the gravel floor, helping Maggie upright so she could get down alongside the rest of us. Apparently it didn't matter to them how much agony she was in, everyone had to be held at gunpoint all the same. They held each of her arms and eased her onto the ground in a slow manner so she was able to steady her breathing, before the rest of us kneeled right along with her. My legs nearly trembled as I squatted down beside Abraham, the tiny rocks cutting up my knees. Fists curled into the fabric of my jeans, feeling the chill in the air along with the pure apprehension as to what would happen to us next. They had taken everything, leaving us vulnerable and bare. And now they had our attention.
"Dwight! Chop-chop!" mustache called out with a clap.
Dwight, who was still alive and well, appeared from his spot beside one of their vans and made his way toward the back doors to tug them open. It was hard to make out what lied inside the back of the vehicle from a distance, especially since his frame blocked our entire view. "Come on, we got people to meet."
It felt like all the air was knocked from my lungs. Dwight gripped onto Daryl's upper arm and began dragging him out when he wasn't moving fast enough for his liking, shoving him to the ground where the rest of us were seated. He had a blanket wrapped around his upper body and his skin was deathly pale, blood smeared around his shoulder like he had been hurt in the process of chasing his revenge.
Then came Rosita, Michonne, and Glenn. Each of them being ripped away and looking just as disheveled and defeated as the rest of us. But at least they were alive. Still, it was a lot to take in. The ways we would be tortured for our mistakes, the pain we would have to endure, whatever the cause may have been. I wasn't ready for any of it, but I knew it was coming. Like the way the hairs on your arms stand straight up just before a big thunderstorm.
Daryl's eyes immediately found me in the midst of people, the light made them glisten or maybe he really was close to tears, I couldn't tell. But I surely knew of the warm pools that filled mine within moments. I longed to be closer to him, to reach out and touch his hand if I dared, but he was just out of my reach down the line. The sight of him teetering on the brink of losing consciousness made me sick to my stomach.
"Maggie...?" Glenn quietly called out as he steadied himself on his hands and knees.
All she could manage was a small sob when she spotted him across the way while the men around us silently connected the dots on who was the most important to us. Who we held the closest to our hearts. I tried to keep my expression neutral when seeing the others thrown toward my right, but I couldn't stop myself from glancing back at Daryl again and again. While his eyes seemed to never stray from me, not even once.
"Alright! We got a full boat. Let's meet the man." mustache announced and backed up toward the RV door to give it a knock, falling back in line with the others.
The door opened not a moment later, slow and suspenseful to reveal an older looking man, the same sparkle in his eye that the rest of them had. He was head to toe dressed in black except for the red piece of fabric sticking out of his leather jacket, and a baseball bat proudly slung over his shoulder. The wooden piece had barbed wire wrapped tightly around the head of it, swaying expertly away from his face. He stood there for a moment with shadows casting over his face, leaning back to take us all in.
"Pissin' our pants yet?" he smiled, leisurely stepping out into view, "Boy, do I have a feeling we're getting close...yep. Gonna be pee-pee pants city here real soon. Which one of you pricks is the leader?"
"This one right here." a man behind Rick announced.
I practically felt him internally groan at being called out in the first place, but none of us dared to say a word. Clearly he had our undivided attention so far. The head man walked right over to stand in front of Rick, tilting his head while looking at him like he was nothing but a puny bug beneath his boot.
"Hi, you're Rick, right? I'm Negan."
My eyes widened at the all too familiar name, only this time I knew for sure this had to be the guy. The others that called themselves the same, for a reason that was still unknown to me, they were nothing like this.
"And I do not appreciate you killing my men," Negan continued, "Also, when I sent my people to kill your people for killing my people, you killed more of my people. Not cool, not fucking cool. You have no fucking idea how not fucking cool that shit is, but...I think you're gonna be up to speed shortly. Hell...you are so gonna regret crossing me here in a few minutes."
A slow smile spread across his lips as he paused momentarily to look at the rest of us, studying the fear on our faces before nodding to himself. "Fuck yeah you are. You see Rick, whatever you do, no matter fucking what, you don't mess with the new world order. And the new world order is this, and it's really simple. So, even if you're fucking stupid, which you very may well be, you can understand it...you ready? Here it goes, pay attention."
Let me take a wild guess. We have to hand over everything good thing we had to spare our lives.
He swung the bat low to the ground, dangerously close to Rick's face, "Give me your shit...or I will kill you."
Jesus, these people were getting way too predictable.
But he wasn't done. Far from it in fact.
"Today was career day. We invested a lot so you would know who I am and what I can do. You work for me now. You have shit, you give it to me, that's your job. Now I know that is a mighty, big, nasty pill to swallow, but swallow it you most certainly motherfucking will. You ruled the roost, you built something. You thought you were safe, I get it, but the word is out. You are not safe. Not even fucking close. In fact, you are fucked, more fucked if you don't do what I want, and what I want is half of your shit. And if that's too much, you can make, find, or steal more, and it'll even out sooner or later...this is your way of life now. The more you fight back, the harder it will be. So, if someone...knocks on your door, you fucking let us in. We own that fucking door. You try and fucking stop us... and we will fucking knock that fucker down. You understand?"
Rick didn't say a thing; it was hard to tell if he was even breathing. His hair dripping with sweat and running down his face and his eyes filled with tears as he slowly processed what the hell we had gotten ourselves into. But Negan apparently didn't like not being taken seriously, leaning down a bit with his hand to his ear as if he were waiting on a response.
"What?" he whispered, leaning down further, "No answer? You don't really think that you were gonna get through this without being punished now, did you?" he asked, gesturing to the rest of us, "I don't want to kill you people, I just want to make that clear from the get-go. I want you to work for me. You can't do that if you're fucking dead, now can you? I'm not growing a garden...but...you killed my people. A whole fucking damn shitload of them. More than I'm comfortable with, and for that, for that you're gonna fucking pay. So, now...I'm gonna beat the holy fuck- fucking- fuckity- fuck outta one of you."
My muscles grew tenser than before when hearing what he truly had in store for us, staring mindlessly at the ground in front of me. I was unable to tell if it was because I was processing the severity or trying not to react in fear that would only give him more power. And I would rather die right now than have him control me. I could admit that I was scared when I was unsure of what they had planned, but now, I couldn't have felt angrier.
The man then whirled the bat around once more like we were witnessing a show and tell. "Now, this...this is Lucille. And she is awesome. All this, all this is just so we can pick out which one of you gets the honor."
This crazy mother fucker was not only a serial killer, but also had a name for his pet bat that was going to destroy one of us. This had to be a dream. I almost convinced myself that it was, but the harsh ground beneath me and my blood boiling inside my veins proved it was real. It was so very real.
Negan clicked his tongue before taking a walk down the line, eyes looking over everyone, before he stopped right in front of Abraham. From the corner of my eye did I see him sit up straighter to face the man without so much as a cower, looking him dead in the eye.
"Huh." Negan mused at the reaction before reaching a hand up to stroke his greyish beard, "Ugh, I gotta shave this shit." his voice mumbled to himself.
He paced again, landing in front of Carl now. And I had to force myself to stay put despite how fast my heart dropped. "You got one of our guns?" he asked, "Yeah...you got a lot of our guns."
Carl didn't flinch, in fact his gaze only narrowed further. "Shit kid, lighten up. At least cry a little." Negan chuckled a little before he stood up straight again.
My fingers curled tight against my palms once more when watching his boots slow to a stop, before pointing straight at me. I dreaded to look up in his direction, but he didn't give me much of a choice. In the blink of an eye he was crouched down to my level, forcing me to maintain eye contact. He stared, a light shimmering behind his pupils as they almost dilated with satisfaction.
"Well, ain't you a sight for sore eyes," he whispered, chuckling to himself, "What's your name?"
Daryl's hard stare burned a hole into my temple but I prayed he could keep it together. If we thought alike in any way, he should know exactly why I didn't want to retaliate, to keep everything bottled up and cold. Don't fuel the fire. When I didn't answer right away he maneuvered his bat yet again, lightly tapping it against his free hand like a clock ticking down the seconds. Silently telling me I was running out of time.
"Rose." I finally bit out. The one word leaving a bad taste on my tongue.
"Rose." he repeated fondly, "That is a beautiful name. But I have to say, it doesn't really match this...badass look you got goin' on." he gestured to the lengths of my face. I knew what he meant.
My glare never wavered when his eyes continued to linger. Clearly he had a fucking staring problem. But eventually to my relief he stood again to pace, leading me to exhale a soft breath I wasn't even aware I was holding.
"Jesus..." Negan drug out once he caught a glimpse of Maggie, seeing her whitened skin and dark circles beneath her eyes. "You look shitty. I should just put you outta your misery right now-"
"No! No!" Glenn yelled before he could even consider it, flinging himself off of the ground to get to her. But he didn't make it very far before Dwight was shoving him down on his stomach with Daryl's crossbow aimed at his head. My jaw clenched and Maggie screamed for them to stop hurting him whilst he tried to fight back from his position. But these men weren't willing to let something like this slide so easily, that much was certain.
"Nope." Negan shook his head before waving him back, "Nope, get him back in line."
With a low grunt, Dwight dragged Glenn by the back of his shirt back toward his original spot all while he continued to shout and protest to protect her. Tears were trickling down his face now and my hands dug into the gravel below me, begging for some type of sign to do something. I couldn't move, not without ending up right back on my ass. But I felt so utterly futile just sitting here watching, knowing I couldn't do anything to prevent their twisted ideas.
"Alright listen, don't any of you do that again. I will shut that shit down, no exceptions. First one's free, it's an emotional moment, I get it...sucks don't it? The moment you realize you don't know shit." Negan spoke knowingly.
There were wide eyes all around, tracing his every move with the anticipation slowly beginning to eat me alive. His frame pausing in front of Carl again. "This is your kid, right?" he asked Rick, "Oh, yeah this is definitely your kid...this mama over here?" he pointed toward me with assumption.
"Just stop this!" Rick bellowed with a slam of his hands.
"Hey!" Negan yelled, "Do not make me kill the future serial killer, or the hot badass, don't make it easy on me. I gotta pick somebody...everybody's at the table, waiting for me to order."
He gave another devilish smile before swinging the bat over his shoulder, whistling the same tune that would surely haunt us for the rest of our lives. The decision clearly weighed on his mind as he took his sweet time drawing it out for as long as possible. Or maybe he already knew who it would be. He just wanted to watch us suffer until he couldn't find pleasure in it anymore.
It was then I looked at everyone surrounding me, everyone I had come to know and love with my entire being. What I would give to just go back in time, to go back and change what we had been mixed up in. I wanted to tell Glenn how sorry I was that he was out here because of me, because I didn't fight back hard enough for him to stay. I wanted to take back the insults I had thrown at Daryl, the regret and pain almost suffocating me now more than ever. I wanted to scream how sorry I was for every mistake I wish I hadn't made at all. I wanted them to know because right now, I didn't know how much time I had left to look at them.
Part of my foolish mind wanted me to hold out hope, that there was still some way out of this. But there wasn't. We were left with nothing.
"I simply cannot decide." Negan rubbed his chin thoughtfully for a moment, before a lightbulb practically popped out of his head. "I got an idea."
He crept forward and held the bat above Rick's face, "Eenie."
"...Meenie..." He moved to Maggie.
"Miney..." Abraham.
"...Mo." Me.
"Catch." Rosita.
"...A tiger...." Michonne.
"By his toe..." Daryl.
"...If." Glenn.
"He hollers." Sasha.
"...Let him go..." Aaron.
"My mother." Carl.
"Told me..." Rick.
"...To pick." Glenn.
"...The very..." Me.
"Best one..." Eugene.
"...And you." Daryl.
"...Are..." Rosita.
"It."
~ Thanks for reading! (That's a wrap on season 6! How're we feeling?)
In this chapter ~ After an argument spirals, word gets out that not only has Daryl run off to put an end to Dwight, but that Carol was missing. With the group spread out and more vulnerable, it's urgent that they find their people before getting caught up with the remaining Saviors.
I opened my eyes to see the rays of sunlight coming through the window, you would've thought God himself was among us with how bright it appeared. Not wanting to get up and face the world just yet, I flipped over to bury my face in the pillow beside me with a small groan, still blinking away the remains of sleep. But it still didn't take me long to register that the space next to me was cold and empty.
Slowly I looked up to see for myself that Daryl was no longer in bed, nor was he anywhere around the room. Despite the early hour, he seemed to already be gone. And in the process of racking my brain to figure out where he may have snuck off to, a piece of paper on my nightstand caught my attention. Not even thinking twice before I reached for it.
"I'll be back before dark, had something I needed to take care of. Didn't want to wake you."
-D
The lack of information was enough to make me pause along with the shortness in which he wrote it. Something about the note left me feeling uncertain, I didn't want to be forced to believe he would really be that idiotic to put himself in immense danger. But it certainly wouldn't be the first time.
Just then my ears perked up when I heard the sound of a motorcycle starting up outside. He hadn't left yet. Without hesitation, I shot up out of bed and hurried down the steps to catch him before he had the chance to take off. Needing to stop him before he made a giant mistake that he wouldn't be able to come back from.
I forcefully pushed open the front door with a bang, doing a small jog off of the porch and toward the street where he parked, "Hey!" I called out over the noise.
His head snapped in my direction the moment he heard the faintest sound, the next thing that followed was the bike shutting off as he looked to the ground with a defeated sigh. I closed the rest of the distance between us, my socks now dirty from the concrete and my eyes taking in all the weapons he had strapped to the bike. The look on his face screamed that he wasn't too thrilled to see me, mostly because he knew he was busted.
"Where are you going?"
He took another glance at me, "I left ya a note."
"Yeah, I saw it." I nodded, folding my arms around myself before repeating, "Where are you going?"
"Out." he responded vaguely.
I hummed, trying to conceal my annoyance as I kicked away a piece of gravel, "You want to get a little more specific than that?" I asked, but he didn't make any attempt to respond. He could hardly stand to look at me as he chewed on his lower lip. "After everything that happened last night, and I still haven't gotten an apology, you owe me this much. Where are you going?"
At his second refusal to answer it was clear to me that he was itching to leave, itching to squirm out from under my gaze. But then my eyes were drawn to something clutched in his hand that subtly shined in the sunlight; the keychain that Denise had picked up at the pawnshop. If his avoidance wasn't obvious enough, this sure as hell connected the dots all on its own.
"You're going to kill him." I stated aloud before scoffing to myself, "Daryl, that isn't going to solve anything. And it sure as hell isn't going to bring her back."
"So, you'd rather just sit here and do nothin?" he snapped.
"No," I raised my voice in return, "I want that guy dead just as much as you do, but this isn't the way to do it. You have no plan, nobody to back you up- what if you get ambushed just like yesterday?"
His hands clenched around the handlebars, "I ain't waitin around til he kills someone else." he mumbled angrily before starting the bike up again, intending to ignore my protests that were trying to keep him safe.
However, I was quick to place my hand over the brake right as he was about to let go, "Not today. Not when they're expecting it." I nearly pleaded, "Just let me help you."
"You ain't helpin." he said firmly.
"Why not?"
He pushed my hand off the handle, "Because I need ya safe! I ain't arguing bout this no more." his voice drowned out amongst the rumble before he was taking off towards the gate without another word.
My eyes widened in disbelief as I watched him go, before huffing to myself in frustration and running over toward my bike that was parked against the side of the house. Quickly hopping on my own vehicle to follow after him. If he thought he was just going to get away and potentially get himself killed without me putting up a fight, he had another thing coming. My tires left a number of scuffs behind on the street as I sped through the small town, seeing he had just made it to the entrance to get off his motorcycle and open up the gate himself. The person on watch just allowing him to get away with it as if knowing not to stop him seeing the amount of smoke coming out of his ears.
I came to a screeching halt and got off with ease, letting it carelessly fall over on its side as I stormed up to snatch his keys out of the ignition to turn it off.
His eyes widened once he realized I now possessed his ability to leave, striding over to attempt to snatch them from my hand, "Aye-"
"I'm not letting you do this." I spoke assertively, "I shouldn't have to be the one to remind you just how stupid and reckless you're being because you already know. You just don't care."
"And you don't know when to stop." he growled, "Gimmie the fuckin keys."
I raised my eyebrows at the challenge in his tone. He was right; I didn't know when to stop. Which is why I impulsively launched the keys as far as I could over his shoulder, watching them land somewhere in the tall grass.
"Goddamnit, woman, stop!" he shouted.
"You stop!" I retaliated, "I'm trying to help you!"
"Well, stop tryin." he spat harshly, "Ya ain't my fuckin babysitter, whatever I choose to do, that's on me." he declared as he poked his own chest.
I scoffed, "It's not just on you, it affects everyone around you! But right now all you can seem to do is think about is yourself. I might as well be your babysitter because you sure as hell are throwing a tantrum like a goddamn toddler!"
His eyes darkened with silent anger, and I knew right then I had taken it too far. He wasn't acting selfish; in fact it was the exact opposite. But I would say just about anything right now if it meant convincing him to stay.
He then however got closer to my face, his voice now dangerously low. "M' goin out there. Whether ya like it or not. Hell, maybe that asshole will put a bullet in my head...least that means I can get away from you."
I was stunned to a shaken silence, his words cutting something deep within me that was excruciating. Finding I couldn't utter another word even if I wanted to. Instead I watched as he trucked off to pick up my fallen bike and got on, revving the engine before hastily taking off without so much as a glance in my direction. It goes to show how alike we truly were; he would say just about anything to keep me from going after him. Even if that meant ripping apart my soul.
My gaze remained on the very spot he disappeared before I felt the itch of someone eyes watching me. Or in this case...many. Looking around to see a number of people had witnessed the rather loud argument in the middle of the street, some looking at me with pity, others with shock. In any other situation I might've felt embarrassed, but at this very moment I wasn't. I was angry.
"Show's over." I called out with a raise of my arms, watching them all cower once they realized their blatant staring.
With one last glance at the ajar space between the known and the unknown, I turned swiftly on my heel with only one thing left on my mind.
My body was solely on autopilot as I threw on the very first proper clothes I could find before snatching my backpack off the doorknob, and packing up every weapon possible from around the house. Hands shaking with both silent frustration and fear. I hadn't the slightest idea of how I would be able to track him down since he wasn't on foot, but I had to try. Despite every harsh word we spat at each other I still had to try and save him from whatever guilt that was tearing him apart. After zipping up the bag I took a moment to step back and place my hands on my hips to breathe, silently preparing myself for the inevitable of who I would potentially have to kill. But it really didn't matter much anymore. I'd do anything for him, he knew that. Maybe that's why he wanted me to stay behind.
"Ro?" a faint voice suddenly called from downstairs.
I faltered when I recognized it was Glenn. I wanted to just slip away without telling a soul, unwilling to have a ban follow me out there after Daryl once people started to notice his absence. Not wanting to put anyone else in danger. So, I kept my mouth shut and my footsteps light while I gathered up the rest of my things. Hoping he would just leave with the assumption that no one was home as I swiftly made a move toward the window.
I ripped the curtains to the side and unlatched the lock to push it open with ease-
"Rose?"
My body froze just as I went to step outside, part of me wondering if he would see me if I just stayed really still. But when he walked further into the room and his eyes bored into me with a questioning stare, it was safe to say it didn't work.
His expression held nothing but concern, "What are you doing?"
"Well, I was trying to run away, but you ruined it." I deadpanned.
He frowned, and I knew then I couldn't bullshit my way out of this one. With a small sigh I closed the window again to turn and face him properly. "Daryl took off to track down the guy who killed Denise. And now I have to go after him and clean up his mess."
"What?" he asked in mild disbelief, "He just left?"
"Yeah, and he better be ready to get down on his hands and knees begging once I find him." I scoffed.
After explaining myself far more than I needed to I stepped around him to leave the room properly this time. At this point it was clear I wasn't getting away easily anymore. "Woah, Rose, slow down." he called after me as he followed my descend down the stairs. Only proving what I was already aware of.
"No." I shook my head stubbornly, "He can't do this all by himself, I have to go."
"It's not safe." he protested softly.
I abruptly whirled around to face him, barely reaching the front door, "I don't care."
"I do." he interrupted with his tone firmer than before, that alone making me shut my mouth and listen to him for a moment. "You can't just go running off. Not after everything that happened with the Saviors."
I stared at him in disbelief, "Why does that matter?"
"Because after yesterday, you're a target. Daryl is too."
"Glenn, what else do you expect me to do? Just let him get himself killed?"
He paused for a moment before doing something I never would've expected. He reached toward the straps of my backpack and began sliding them off my shoulders, "I'll go."
My eyes widened, "What?"
"I'll go." he repeated, "I'll take a few of the others and we'll find him before he gets too far."
I shook my head in desperate protest as I held onto the bag before he could fully take it from me, "No...no, Glenn-"
"You know I'm right."
My grip wavered once he said that, stuck in my own mind as I looked at him with so much uncertainty. If there was one thing he was always good at, it was seeing right through me. He was right about the Saviors, it was dangerous, and something I hadn't thought twice about until now. But I couldn't just let him put himself in my place, take others out there to drag into danger with him, it was the complete opposite of what I wanted. It all felt so wrong.
He noticed the clear uneasiness I carried, his hand coming up to smooth some of my hair down, "Hey, don't worry. We'll find him." he repeated.
That wasn't the part that worried me. I had no doubt about his capabilities to get through to Daryl, to convince him, hell, drag him back here if he had to. It was the thought of letting him go that made my chest tighten. But I couldn't for the life of me figure out why.
Eventually I managed to allow the backpack to slip away from my hands for him to take, watching as he shrugged it on without another thought. He then didn't hesitate to bring me into a brief hug to which I sighed unsurely, but ultimately held him close, as close as I physically could. Shutting my eyes as I said a silent kind of prayer to keep him safe.
"Be careful." I pleaded quietly.
"Ah, come on," he said as he pulled away to look at me, "Look who you're talking to."
I forced a small smile before folding my arms around myself, watching him step around me to open the front door. He stopped short just when he hit the threshold, sending me a reassuring wink, "See ya later." he silently promised before the door shut behind him.
I felt disgustingly nauseous the moment he was out of sight; like I wanted to sink into the floor and disappear. Something still nagging me not to let him go. But I knew deep down I wouldn't be able to convince him, especially once he had his heart set, there was hardly a chance he would listen to anyone. After all, Daryl meant a great deal to him too. I just hoped whatever God or higher power out there had listened to my plea to shield him from any danger. Even though what I felt right now was far from anything hopeful.
My eyes looked down to my watch every few minutes to keep track of the time, every glance ensuring it wasn't even ten o'clock in the morning. And yet every glance only reminded me of how much time I was wasting. Pacing around my house like someone going through withdrawals. Or better yet someone who felt as if they were on house arrest. Every time I would force myself to sit down, I found my leg bouncing or my hands running through my hair to tug at it anxiously. Panic attacks were no kind of stranger to me, but still I refused to let it happen. I didn't want it to consume me and make me spiral with a series of scenarios that likely wouldn't happen.
Eventually I couldn't take the confinement of the house any longer and chose to step outside, the fresh air and open space might actually do things to calm my mind. Receiving a hint of deja vu from last night. I began walking in no particular direction, subconsciously looking out for anything I could keep myself busy with. But it seemed as though the community was quieter than usual today which should've been my first warning sign. The second was noticing that the usually bustling places were seemingly closed, the pantry, the infirmary, even the pond grew still. And that's when I caught a glimpse of the scene playing out near the front gate.
A handful of people stood in some kind of half circle having what looked like a heated discussion that I could feel from all the way back to where I was standing. Curiosity killed the cat, but it was all too obvious for me to just ignore. I found my legs were already moving before my mind even had a chance to process it, catching Rick's eye the moment I was close enough to hear the murmurs of the others.
I stopped a few feet back, "What's going on?"
They all quieted down for a moment as if debating on letting me in on the little secret before Rick let out a sigh, "Carol's missing. We're trying to figure out where she could've gone, you know anything about it?"
I paused, looking out to the rest of their expectant gazes, "Uh, no...no." I shook my head and folded my arms across my chest. The lie slipping out with ease.
"Daryl's gone too." Morgan spoke up, "A few people saw him leave in a hurry this morning, Glenn took Michonne and Rosita to go after him."
"We're all runnin around now like a buncha chickens with our heads cut off." Abraham piped in.
My hand raked through my hair again in mild annoyance, "I think we should be more worried about Carol right now. Who had a watch shift last night?"
"I did," Sasha chimed in, "I was up most of the night, but I didn't see her leave."
"Where's the other car?" Tobin suddenly asked, drawing the rest of our attention outside the gate.
We all looked to see that one of the vehicles that used to be parked on the grass was suddenly gone. The ones we used to stick wooden spikes in to keep any walkers away that got a little too close, seeing just a giant empty space instead. If Carol was desperate enough to leave she would've taken any kind of car she could get her hands on which only opened up an even bigger possibility.
"We added two more cars out here yesterday, one of them is missing. The one we put right between those houses." he continued, pointing in the general direction.
Abraham shook his head, "You can barely see between those houses from up top, especially at night."
"She must've left during the shift change." Sasha confirmed.
Once she said that, I turned to see that Morgan had grown oddly quiet the longer we discussed her whereabouts, soaking everything in like a sponge. Before long he was nodding to himself and unexpectedly stepping away from the group with every bit of determination in his step.
Rick's eyes seemed to instantly follow his frame, "Where are you going?" he called after him.
"I'm gonna find her." he responded over his shoulder, not making any kind of effort to stop and talk about this any longer.
That seemed to spark an idea within me. I subtly glanced down to the keys clutched in Rick's left hand, then back up to Morgan, before suddenly reaching out to pull them from his grasp and followed his lead without warning. "Right behind you."
"Hey- hold on!" Rick shouted as he picked up his feet to fall in line with me, "What are you doing?"
"Going after Carol." I spoke obviously.
He sighed stressfully, "You don't need this. Just stay back this time, I'll go."
"Oh my god, I am so tired of having this same argument over and over again." I muttered more to myself than anything, "Trust me, I think I can handle a little drive."
"Rose-"
"Rick," I countered back as I stopped to look back at him, "I've got two strong guys and a gun in my belt, what more do I need out there?" I said dryly, "Quit dragging your feet, let's go."
I could hear him hesitate from behind me as I continued on in order to keep up with Morgan's strides, before then going to bark orders at the rest of them to stay put while we were gone. Putting Abraham in charge to keep everyone else in line before he jogged to catch up. It just goes to show that if you stroke a man's ego you could get anything you wanted. And right now, I wanted out of this makeshift prison.
One by one we climbed inside the car, taking my place in the driver's seat and cranking the ignition to bring it to life. In the process of adjusting the mirrors I could hear Rick almost instantly tug on his seatbelt to click it into place, taking a brief glance back at Morgan.
"You're gonna want to buckle up." he warned.
I gave him a look, "Why, because I'm a woman behind the wheel?"
"No, because you're like a bat outta hell behind the wheel."
His correction made me grow the slightest bit amused, "You want to get there fast, or safe?" I questioned.
When neither of them uttered another word I threw the car into reverse, "That's what I thought..." I muttered before backing up with a small screech. Adjusting the gearshift again to step on the gas and drive forward out of Alexandria with the others practically jumping out of the way.
The tire tracks left behind veered left. So, that's exactly which direction I drove.
My grip on the steering wheel tightened every time I sped up, the long journey we were facing gave us all the time in the world to think. With the group split up like this, I didn't like it at all. Too much was going on at once, enough to make your head spin, and I was just about getting too dizzy to keep it on straight. Worrying about each and every one outside the walls and unable to stop thinking about the word target ever since Glenn had said it.
Every part of my being couldn't shake the feeling that something terrible was about to happen to us. The repercussions of what we did, Maggie and I getting kidnapped, Denise's death, I knew there had to be more. With patterns like that there was always more. I recalled the words I expressed to Rick and Michonne just last night about how this couldn't be the end of it, how this could just be the beginning, but what were we able to do? It was just a bad feeling.
But now I knew it was far more than that. It was the Saviors. It had to be. That union was far larger than we could've imagined ever since we only continued to collide with more of them over and over again. Jesus had said something about the groups being no larger than twenty at a time, but I'm starting to think now that was nothing more than a ploy for people to underestimate them. People like us who had taken far greater risks. The thought of them knocking on our doors to get revenge for what we had done made the tension in the car even thicker. This moment in time feeling more like a calm before the storm.
One particular sharp turn made Rick grab for the handle above his head, "R-Rose, you gotta ease up just a little bit."
I rolled my eyes, "Would you relax? I've got it."
He exhaled deeply, getting his shoulders to drop though his hand continued to hang on in fear I would turn too swiftly again. "Easy..." he murmured when he noticed we were coming up on a bump.
"Hey, I have a great idea. Let's play the quiet game." I deadpanned.
Regardless of how stupid my attempt was to shut him up for a moment it somehow managed to work, only seeing a flicker of the small glare he sent in my direction. But I chose to ignore it. It was clear we were all on edge and just taking it out on each other rather than let it chip away at what was left of our composure. I also had about enough of Morgan's comments about how we didn't have to come with him, how he could've handled it on his own. As if either of us were going to let that happen. Carol was our family who had saved us more times than we could count; and now it was our turn to save her. I figured this way I could kill two birds with one stone if it meant I could just get a second of peace inside the confined space.
"You notice how the tire tracks pointed East?" Morgan suddenly questioned.
My gaze briefly looked up to the rearview mirror, "You just lost."
"So did you." he gestured.
"Damnit," I cursed quietly in realization, looking to my right to see Rick now trying to hide the smug smile on his face. The distraction was only fleeting before I went on to ponder what he had asked. "What's your point?"
A beat of silence passed. "The Saviors outpost, that was West. She went East."
That made me pause. I was unsure as to why Morgan was choosing to do this now, to try and acknowledge the open secret that we all were quietly well aware of. The change in direction only making things even more ironic. How she decided to head off the complete opposite way. Making it clear that she was trying to escape from what couldn't be undone and that perhaps we should do the same, despite him trying to warn us from the beginning. However, it was clearly too late to turn back now. The damage was already done.
And by the looks of it, that wasn't the only kind of damage.
The car slowed down drastically when I noticed the scene we were approaching. Two abandoned cars swerved to the side of the gravel road with shattered glass everywhere, the remains of blood spotting on the windshields and dripping onto the ground. Not to mention the number of dead bodies as an end result. It sounded a hell of a lot like Carol.
When I put the car in park, Rick's hand came down to rest over mine for a moment as if to signal for me to let him step out first to scope the area. For once I didn't argue, watching him carefully as he opened his door and stood up straight with sharp eyes, taking a few steps out past the hood before I was following right behind. Shutting the door quietly and my free hand going to pull out my gun to hold close at my side.
"That's her car," Rick confirmed, taking another glance around the area, "You see her?"
There seemed to not be another living being in sight for miles, causing Morgan and I to share a worried look as we stuck close together. Continuing through the scene with our guards raised as if to try and find any scrap of evidence on where she could've gone from here. It went without saying that these men left behind were Saviors. There had to have been some kind of force at her hand for her to kill them so brutally, and the only fathomable reason that came to mind was that they must've been threatening her. And in the end, she still beat them. It was almost embarrassing.
Just around the second car was a walker feasting on one of the deceased insides, Morgan stepping up first to whack it harshly on the side of the head with his wooden club. Pausing when he noticed some blood lingering on the spike poking out of the car.
"There's blood here. She could've been hit."
Rick glanced around at the lingering bodies, "I'm proud of her."
"How's that?" Morgan questioned, his tone almost making it sound like a dare.
"Because she took four of these guys out, whether she was hit or not." I stated the obvious, "She's my hero."
He shook his head in response, gripping his weapon tight as if still subconsciously waiting for something to pop out of the woods. "She's gone...because she can't do this anymore. That's what she said before she even left."
"She could because she had to." Rick defended, "Sometimes you have to." he said simply before looking around the area again. Making it clear where he still stood even though the three of us continued to dance around the subject.
I for one wasn't planning to be a part of their pissing contest, not after having had this fight too many times already in the past. Instead, I kept my eyes down, following the sprinkle of blood that Morgan pointed out to begin with. It was a straight line that carried down the road a little ways before abruptly taking a turn into the grass and remaining steady through the field ahead for Lord only knows how long.
"The trail keeps going." I voiced as I gestured ahead of me, "She's still alive, even if she isn't here."
The two men looked at each other for a moment before opting to follow my lead, not willing to just give up here. By the looks of it she had no real destination in mind considering her unexpected change in direction, maybe she was searching for some kind of help. But I couldn't allow myself to think about that for too long, only hoping she was alright as I picked up my pace ever so slightly.
"They were close to Alexandria. There's even more of them." Rick brought up, a twinge of worry in his tone even if he tried to disguise it. "We didn't end it."
"No...you started something."
Rick grunted as he took down yet another walker, its physical features proving that it wasn't Carol, which meant we had to keep going. It had been hours of traveling on foot at this point and yet it still seemed like she was miles ahead, her path showing no kind of intention of slowing down. She was determined I had to give her that. Whatever she was trying to leave behind, the things that haunted her, she was moving fast enough to lose it by sunset.
The things we were seeing grew to be more repetitive than before, each body, each trail, each landmark. It made me fear we were just going around in circles. But what managed to ease those worries was seeing an abandoned stable up ahead, wooden fences wrapping around it, and the sound of the metal gates creaking as if someone were pushing them open. A spark of hope ignited in all three of us as we quickly moved through the thick grass toward the source.
There were a number of dead walkers leading up to all the noise, my grip subconsciously tightening on my weapon in fear another would be around the corner just waiting to strike. However, who we anticipated to run into was a far cry from what we caught a glimpse of. Instead of finding Carol or a small herd of walkers wandering on the other side of the structure, a man popped out of his hiding place to stick his elongated weapon at a corpse that was coming at him. Knocking it over with a small grunt of force.
"Hey!" Rick immediately raised his gun with a click.
The stranger nearly tripped over himself to take cover once more when hearing us approach, "Woah- woah! It's okay! I'm not trouble...I don't want any trouble."
"Come out. Drop your weapons." Rick demanded.
"I can't do that, the wasted are too close. I'm just looking for my horse. Have you seen him?" he continued to talk civilly without revealing his face. Making this scenario all the more eerie.
Cautiously did I load a bullet into my gun as Morgan responded from my right side, "No. We're looking for our friend, have you seen her?"
The stranger hesitated to answer which only made my trust for him diminish into nothing, "Have you seen her?" I raised my voice more pointedly. Needing some kind of sign that she was near this area at one point.
But before any of us could even attempt at probing him for information, a series of groans grew louder as a small group of walkers started to swarm from the area. Their attention seemingly pointed straight at us instead of the man who remained quiet for as long as he could, but not before leaving with a warning. "They're coming! Just go! Go!"
His voice carried and the corpses grew closer, leaving him the opportunity to make a beeline out toward the open field while we were left to deal with the ones he couldn't kill. Rick tried to protest in order to get him to stay put, pointing to fire a bullet at his back while he continued to make a break for it like some kind of wounded animal. But at the very last second Morgan shoved his arm to throw off his aim, fixing Rick with a look that could only be described as disappointment. Although I was more disappointed that he got away, we didn't have time to argue before the dead were practically on top of us. I stepped forward first to bring the blade of my knife upward into the first ones' jaw before backing away to let its body hit the ground, hearing Rick fire his gun a number of times whilst Morgan swung his large wooden beam.
The very moment they were all dead, I turned to look pointedly at Morgan, "Why'd you let him get away?"
His eyes widened with disbelief, "You would've rather I let him get shot for no good reason?"
"I would've rather he stuck around to help instead of acting like a scared little bitch," I corrected, "He could've been a Savior, he could've been going after Carol."
"These weapons, they're from Hilltop." Rick cut into the argument, noting the spike the man had left behind in a hurry, "Same as the ones back on the road. They've made trades with the Saviors before."
"Or maybe he was just a man looking for his horse."
A choked, sarcastic laugh escaped me and I shook my head at him, "I know you're all about giving someone the benefit of the doubt, but this is some serious shit. You can't just trust people anymore."
His expression remained calm when looking at me, his priorities just the same as if I could never fully get through to him. "I didn't say anything about trust. I said people can change."
I rolled my eyes at the technicality, but that didn't seem to stop him.
"That man that was a part of the Wolves, I saved him. Gave him a second chance. And he ended up saving Denise's life...who was then there to save Carl's."
Morgan's statement seemed to strike a chord with Rick when he mentioned his son, if Denise hadn't been alive to do the procedure, there was a chance Carl wouldn't be standing here today. Like a domino effect. When one significant thing happens, it pushes another in the right direction. But the one thing he also failed to mention was how the man had attacked both him and Carol before taking Denise as a hostage to escape. In my mind it was never his plan to save her, he just wanted to use her. And that's something we would never see eye to eye on.
"When I was being held hostage, my hands and feet bound together, staring across the room at my pregnant friend who was shaking with fear...I wasn't thinking about how these people could change." I said lowly, "I was thinking about how to make it out of there alive."
The silence that settled after my words gave him a chance to think, a chance to see it from a different perspective. And I didn't miss the flash of pity in his eyes, but that's not what I wanted from him. I wanted him to get his head out of his ass and think for a moment that maybe this world was still filled with cruel people. Some may have been able to change, but others were ugly to the bone.
"Maybe we were wrong to strike first," I then admitted, the first time I realized I had even admitted it aloud, "It never really sat right with me. But we knew these were bad people from the very beginning, who've taken countless innocent lives. So, I'm not sorry for it."
Everything was out in the open now with neither of us unable to take it back. Standing on opposite ends of the spectrum while Rick hovered in the middle. Both figuratively and literally.
The ride home seemed longer than the drive out, leaving my mind with much to think about that could be making the minutes tick slower. I allowed Rick to take the wheel this time to give him some peace of mind, yet the backseat seemed a lot quieter than before. After everything had gone down, Morgan told us to go back without him. He felt as though he had to keep searching for Carol even if that meant taking it on alone, the sun slowly setting only proof of how late it truly was. Rick was needed in Alexandria, especially at a time like this. And as much as I hated to admit it, after the day I turned out to have, I was starting to miss the safety of home.
Purposefully I kept my mouth shut for almost the entirety of the ride, mostly because I didn't know what to say. I hadn't meant for things to get so heated between us in the end and I hadn't meant for Rick to witness all of it from the sidelines. This whole day was just nothing but filled with tense, ugly quarrels with the people I ironically cared about the most. But at the end of it all I just wanted to be heard.
"Do you think he'll find her?" I finally voiced.
Rick sighed quietly, his free hand pinching his forehead while his foot hovered over the gas to go no higher than forty-five miles an hour. "I hope so."
I nodded slowly, chewing my lower lip, "You think he'll make it back?"
"I hope so." he repeated. The word hope having a whole new meaning as we both held onto it now more than ever. "But we got other things to worry about right now."
I couldn't have agreed more. The mere thought of returning home and having to look Daryl in the face after everything that was said, I didn't know if I could stomach it. I didn't even know if I wanted to look him in the face. Suddenly it felt like I was on a one way ride down a steep hill that never eased up, things piling on top of one another to make it worse.
He seemed to notice the way I spaced off for a moment, his eyes kept flicking off the road and towards me, "Hey...you okay?"
I turned my head to look at him once more, managing a small smile, "Ask me tomorrow."
My repeated phrase from the day prior caused him to huff softly, his hand coming down to briefly squeeze my shoulder before letting go again to focus on the road.
We made a full return to Alexandria not long after, a quick fifteen minutes that managed to pass in just a blink of an eye. The first thing I saw was Abraham still standing tall guarding the gates with a gun strapped over his shoulder, opening and closing the entrance for us to roll through. It seemed as though he immediately took notice of Morgan's absence the second Rick and I stepped out of the vehicle, his brow pinching together in a silent, stoic kind of worry.
"We didn't find her," Rick began to explain, "Morgan's still out there looking."
When he realized the events that occurred were purposeful his hand came up to run through his hair, "Man, where's your head? We already got people missing in every corner, and now he's gone too?"
His words made me freeze, "The others aren't back yet?"
The way his eyes saddened ever so subtly was the only indicator I needed, the slow shake of his head sending a paralyzing kind of worry through me. They had been gone for far too long now; it had been hours since they first set off. They should've been back by now- they should've been here.
"Rick!"
Our heads turned in unison to see Aaron making a sprint down the street, quickly did we start moving to meet him in the middle to see what was troubling him so badly, "What's going on?"
He let out a breath of air, "It's Maggie..."
The alarming tone he spoke with did absolutely nothing to ease my ongoing fears. Every piece of news that I dreaded to hear was somehow now happening all at one time. Like a number of dominos hitting the ground...
In this chapter ~ The death of Denise stirs up trouble in more ways than one, causing emotions to run high within the community. Grief, sorrow, and guilt that pushes a certain member too far.
Tension. It was thick and heavy. Nearly crushing us beneath what little air we had left.
The man that remained front and center didn't budge an inch, his grip never loosening on one of our own. Looking at Daryl as if he had known him for years. In the end we didn't have a choice. Slowly we lowered our guns with every bit of reluctance, dropping them onto the grass in front of us to show the silent surrender.
His smile of satisfaction was hard to miss. "You got something to say to me?"
My eyes looked toward Daryl, but he kept his intense gaze solely focused on him. His glare so harsh it was as if he were trying to say a million different things without having to utter a word. His tense posture and balled fists really spoke volumes.
"You gonna clear the air? Step up on that high horse?" he asked when Daryl didn't respond. Waiting patiently as if he expected to get anything out of him before shaking his head to himself, "No, that's right...you don't talk much."
Without wasting another moment, he signaled two of his men to move forward toward us, intending to search for any other weapons or belongings we may have been carrying. I was bombarded by the strangers' hands feeling up and down my arms before moving for my waist, easily unclipping my throwing knives that were held at my hips while the other stripped Daryl clean of his backpack. In spite of finding and riding of all my weapons, I continued to feel his hands slide down my legs briefly and coming back up to rest against my ass before he snuck a squeeze.
Instantly I shoved him backward, pointing a finger at him, "Watch it." I warned lowly.
My hasteful action caused a series of magazines to click into place with a warning of their own, the man himself raising his hands in mock surrender as he took a few steps backward.
"Sorry about that." the blonde apologized for him, "We like to be...thorough."
"I shoulda done it..." Daryl suddenly grumbled with anger.
Those threatening words seemed to have his attention in an instant, "What was that?" he questioned, holding a hand up to his ear, "Seriously, I didn't catch what you said."
"I shoulda killed ya."
He smiled in return, "Yeah. You probably should've." he concluded, swaying back and forth as if he couldn't keep still for the life of him. "So, here we are. Kind of begs the question, right? Who brought this on who? I mean...I get that you'll just have to take my word for this, but...she wasn't even the one I was aiming for."
At the mention of Denise, I looked back to just catch a glimpse of her dead body left behind in the dirt, a small pool of blood still dripping from her eye. What a prick. I knew he didn't want to kill Daryl; he just wanted him to live with that guilt that she somehow must've gotten in the way, accompanied by his bad aim.
"It's nothing personal." he continued, "Look, this isn't how we like to start new business arrangements, but you assholes kind of set the tone didn't you?"
"What do you want?" I asked impatiently, wanting him to just get to the point already.
His attention was brought toward me again at the sound of my voice, taking me in with a click of his tongue, "I'm sorry, sweetheart I didn't catch your name. I'm D, or Dwight, you can call me either. So...what's your name?"
I narrowed my eyes at him, "Rose. What do you want?" my voice repeated harshly.
"Well, Rose, it's not what I want. It's what you and Daryl are going to do. You're going to let us into your little complex. It looks like it is just beautiful in there...and then you're gonna let us take whatever and whoever we want." his hand then gripped Eugene tighter, "Or we blow Eugene's brains out, and then yours...and then his. I hope it doesn't come to that really, nobody else has to die. We just try and start with one you know. Maximum impact to get our point across."
Jesus Christ, did this guy ever shut the fuck up? The situation itself was shitty enough as it is, Denise having to die for no reason and Eugene on the brink of being next. But his babbling on top of that made me just want to shoot myself instead just to get it over with.
"So, what's it gonna be? You tell me."
I chewed on the inside of my cheek as I forced myself to think. Conjure up some kind of deal that would end up saving all of our asses without getting anyone else killed.
But that's when Eugene blurted. "If you wanna kill someone, you can start with our companion hiding over there by the oil barrels. He's a first class a-hole and he deserves it so much more than us three."
My head whirled in the direction of the metal containers stacked off to the side, but I couldn't see a damn thing from where I was standing. Was he talking about Abraham? I knew he was an idiot, but I didn't think he was stupid enough to call out the only friend he had.
"Go check it out." Dwight demanded as he slowly pulled out his own gun.
The atmosphere grew utterly silent, all of us watching in anticipation while the closest man stepped up to the plate with his weapon raised. I subtly held my breath, every bone in my body taunt with anxiety as I said a silent prayer for some kind of miracle. Some opening that I was missing.
It was then my gaze swiftly turned back toward Dwight when I heard him scream, my mouth falling open in shock. In the brief moment of distraction, Eugene ceased the opportunity to turn and sink his teeth into his balls just seconds before Abraham emerged from his hiding spot in the trees to fire his gun. Not exactly what I had in mind, but hey, it worked.
Quickly did I spin on my heel to dive for my gun, cocking it back before turning around to shoot the two men in front of me. The moment I was in the clear I took off toward the nearest car to take cover, dodging the flying bullets around me as I slid over the hood to duck down behind the front end of the vehicle in the nick of time. The fight that erupted was an ugly one. Shouts of protest and echoing machine fire as we all spread out. By the time I dared to lift my head over the rusted metal, I aligned my gun to shoot at anyone I didn't recognize that had failed to protect themselves.
A number of bodies fell to the floor while the rest ran frantically to shield themselves in one way or another. I let out a frustrated breath when my gun clicked to signal its lack of bullets, hurriedly making work to reload when something reflecting off of the sunlight momentarily made me freeze. Recognizing the lady pendant abandoned in the grass merely seconds before I witnessed it being crushed beneath someone's boot. A pang of sorrow shot through my heart.
However, I hardly had time to focus on one thing for too long with the warzone right before me, all the noise managing the draw every walker nearby like a moth to a flame. Creating an even bigger problem.
I looked back to see Dwight low to the ground in attempt to hide behind the tracks, Eugene finally free from his hold and crawling on all fours to try and keep himself safe. From my left Daryl kept shooting at every opportunity he could manage, the numbers dwindling down now that most of them were either dead or running frantically for their lives. My focus now was pointedly on keeping Eugene in the clear, firing shot after shot at anyone who tried to get close to his defenseless figure.
The moment they began to shoot back at the car I was hidden behind, my back hit the metal again as I stayed low while catching my breath. And by the time I peered around the vehicle once more, they were now taking the opportunity to retreat back into the woods like a bunch of fucking cowards. But Daryl wasn't one to let them get away so easily. My eyes widened as I watched him stumble up to his feet to go after them, picking up his discarded crossbow along the way that Dwight had easily left behind. I predicted his intent, to not stop until he killed every last one of them for reasons I could no longer argue with. But the moment I stood up straight and saw Abraham crouched in front of Eugene, I knew the time couldn't be now. We didn't have a lot of it left.
"Daryl, stop!" I shouted.
My voice made his entire body cease, looking back over his shoulder to catch a glimpse of the crimson color staining Eugene's shirt from where he was shot. His shoulders slumped with defeat, yet he stayed rooted in place. I on the other hand rushed forward to kneel beside Abraham, seeing his hands putting an immense amount of pressure on the wound to try and slow the bleeding down. Acting on impulse, I reached for the bandana tucked inside his shirt pocket to press onto it instead, keeping my hand there as I nodded for Abraham to help me lift him to his feet. Eugene let out a small groan, bracing either of his arms around our shoulders for balance as we quickly began to help him forward. Needing to get back to Alexandria as fast as possible.
Subconsciously I looked over my shoulder to make sure Daryl was close behind, my heart clenching when I saw him going back for Denise's body. Unwilling to leave her behind in this graveyard.
The infirmary was quieter than usual. Not a sound of rustling footsteps or mindless chatter that was usually always present in the small building. One of the many reminders that she was gone.
My gaze was focused on Eugene's face as I waited for any kind of indication that he was awake, thus far there was nothing. But he was alive. Abraham and I hadn't a clue of how to assess the damage or stitch the wound on our own without some kind of professional, but we managed. With what little luck we still had, the bullet had seemed to have gone clean through. It was getting him to sit still while patching him up that was the hardest part. Although the pain pills he had taken left him with little to no choice but to eventually fall asleep during the process.
As I sat alone in the quiet, I couldn't help but replay the events in my head over and over again. Like it was stuck on a loop that I was unable to escape from. Knowing that someone had to die for the repercussions of our actions was a hard thing to process. Especially because she was in no way part of our slaughtering of the Saviors. She was nothing like us at all, and while some people saw it as weak, it was one of the things I admired the most.
A creak of the front door opening made me flinch, looking up to see Abraham stepping into the room, "Managed to track Rick down. He's heading over as soon as he can."
I nodded in acknowledgement to show I had heard him before drifting off again. Managing to find comfort in the silence rather than wanting to distract myself from it; wondering what the hell we were going to tell Tara when she returned. That is until the chair beside me obnoxiously scraped against the floor when Abraham pulled it out, flopping down into it with an exaugurated huff. My eyes fluttered closed for a moment as I attempted to ignore it, the shifting of his clothes as he tried to get comfortable followed by an awkward clearing of his throat.
"You- uh...you alright?"
I exhaled deeply, "I don't know."
There was a beat of silence where it was clear he wanted to say something more. But really, he wasn't always the best at the whole comforting thing. "Y'know, my ears, they're...always open."
My head slowly turned to look at him, catching the gesture of his hand that circled over his temple like a signal, "I'm listening." he clarified.
"Yeah, okay, I got it." I nodded.
He hummed disapprovingly at my unwillingness to share what I was feeling, folding his hands over his chest with a loud sigh as we waited around for Rick. His offer didn't go unappreciated, especially since he's been here for me like this before. But I didn't know what to say about it all, that was the honest truth.
"Fuck those guys." he suddenly muttered.
I raised my eyebrows at his simple words that somehow managed to sum up everything I was feeling in a nutshell. "Yeah...fuck them." I agreed. My jaw then clenched as I tried to keep my emotions at bay, reminded of the good-hearted person we lost for no reason at all. "It's not fair."
Abraham slowly sat up a bit straighter when hearing my hushed whisper, his eyes scanning me over. Until I felt him reach out to grasp my hand, giving it a tight squeeze to which I huffed, "It's not fair." I repeated.
"I'm sorry..." he spoke quietly, "Shit happens, and sometimes that shit is just...too much shit for someone to handle at once. I personally think you've hit your shit limit, Missy."
Somehow that managed to get a small laugh out of me, his way with words would always be astounding just as Glenn had once said. "Yeah, tell me about it." I murmured quietly, taking a glance at him, "But thank you...for being here."
"It's an honor to be here with ya." he assured.
His words held a great effect, my hand flexing around his in return to show another sign of gratitude that he had hardly left my side. I couldn't quite say the same for everyone else. The very thought of Daryl caused my eyes to glance out the window in front of me, having a good view of the front gates. Along with the cemetery that he had felt trapped in since our return.
I only looked away when the door opened again to see Rick standing in the threshold, his frame stiff and worried as he stepped into the room. Abraham and I stood to face him as his gaze scanned Eugene, taking note of the state he was left in after the extents we had to go to get him on the road to recovery.
"He's alright?" he questioned as he came to a halt at the foot of his bed.
"For the most part," I confirmed with a slight nod, "It's not the skin I'm worried about, we did everything we could. But I can't tell if the bullet pierced through any organs."
Abraham sighed, "Could be bleedin’ like a stuck pig all over his guts for all we know."
His choice of words caused me to elbow him just as Rick grumbled. "Right." he sighed as he ran a stressful hand through his hair, "We'll see if anyone from Hilltop can come down and do a proper exam."
That was definitely the best idea anyone's had all day; we couldn't argue with that. "And...Denise?" he dreadfully asked.
I shook my head a little, "Daryl's taking care of it."
My dismissive answer didn't go unnoticed, but I didn't care. Word was spreading fast around here as it was, and I didn't feel the need to go into any details. Not now at least. I cleared my throat quietly before stepping around him, intending to head out to check up on him myself. But before I could get too far, Rick gently grasped my forearm to stop me.
"Are you okay?" he asked quietly.
The worriedness in his eyes made me queasy which is why I answered as quickly as I did. "Ask me tomorrow."
With that left hanging in the air, I managed to slip out of his hold and escape. Making a beeline toward where I knew he would linger. From the moment we returned, I knew he wasn't going to just let her body sit there untouched for longer than it had to; wanting to give her a proper goodbye. One that she deserved.
The closer I got, the more I could hear. Sounds of the shovel scooping up dirt, before dumping it back down with a plop. His grunts of struggle in between every shift. I found myself slowing to a complete stop once I finally peered around the corner of the shrubbery, seeing him standing over a freshly dug hole, left all by himself as he stubbornly would never ask for any kind of help. I didn't know how to approach him, I didn't know when the right time would be. But let's face it, there was never going to be a right time. The time would always be now.
Inevitably, I stepped forward to approach him in silence, inching close enough to his backside that if he leaned back even a little, he would bump right into me. I hesitated for a long moment to where my arms hovered close, before bringing them around his waist to hold onto him tight like he might slip away if I didn't. He froze in my embrace, hanging his head with an almost painful sigh. The emotions tangled up in that single sound would replay in my mind the longer I buried my face in his shoulder. I then felt his hand come up to rest upon mind as we just stood there in silence, taking each other in.
"M' tired of losin people."
He sounded exhausted, his voice was like gravel. Muscles tense as he continued to hold the shovel in one hand whilst carrying a weight on his shoulders that I could clearly see, yet couldn't understand. I didn't utter a word. Only soaking in as much of him as I could before he would break away, to take the time to be alone and grieve her sudden passing. Every death feeling like a reminder of just how much we've lost because of a world so brutal, and I hated it more than anything.
After a while I wordlessly let go and moved around his frame to grab another shovel nearby, coming up to her grave to give her covered body one last look, before shoving the tool into the soil to sprinkle on top of her. I felt is eyes on me as I began to help carry the things he wasn't able to handle on his own, joining me after a few beats. Though it only got heavier with each motion and my mood seemed to worsen at the utterly horrible situation. It made me wonder, maybe things would never get better.
In no way did I want to be the kind of person that constantly wallowed in sadness, that held onto the things they couldn't control. But I was merely human; unable to help but allow it to cross my mind. Maybe those few months after our community had been rebuilt were just a dream. A sick dream that only raised my hopes before they were destroyed again. Would life ever get back to normal? When we first arrived in Alexandria and I came to realize we weren't actually going to get murdered or eaten- it gave me hope. Genuine hope that I had long forgotten about, that something amazing could come of this. That we could get back to a somewhat normal life where we didn't have to constantly fight, where we could live in peace. But it was just...an illusion.
Being so lost in my own spiral of emotions, I almost hadn't noticed that we finished filling the hole. The time passing far quicker than I would've expected. A deep sigh passed through my lips as the shovel now hung loosely in my grasp, looking back up to Daryl to find he was already looking at me. Visibly exhausted and mentally drained.
I allowed the shovel to finally slip from my fingers before stepping close to him again, "I'm right here when you need me." I reminded softly, "You know that."
The muscle in his jaw clenched, shaking his head slightly, "Don't deserve ya."
"You do." I interjected, not wanting him to tread down that dark path. "Remember that. Keep it right here." I pressed a gentle finger onto his temple like a kiss.
He swallowed down the emotion he felt in that moment, trying not to let it show. But I saw it slip through the cracks. I always did. The only thing he offered me was a simple press of his forehead against mine for a few lingering seconds, before he pulled away again. I turned my head to watch him as he moved along to make a graver marker for her spot, and I chose to leave him be not long after.
The walk back to the house seemed longer than usual, but maybe that was because I felt like my feet were dragging with every step. I caught a few glimpses of people who were out and about, each and every one of them looking toward me with great sadness, like the news had already reached them. And as much as I didn't want their looks to affect me, they did.
Shaking my head, I kept moving until I made it up the porch steps and unlocked the front door, heading inside the quiet home. My body practically collapsed onto the couch the moment I was close enough, rolling over on my back to face the front of the room as I felt this was one of the longest days of my life that just kept getting longer. My gaze then trailed off toward the coffee table where my sketchbook conveniently laid, and I reached out to pick it up. It's funny how I can look through every drawing, every doodle, every painting and recall exactly how I was feeling. At what point of my life I was stuck in.
The very first page took me back to the farm, Hershel's house captured in watercolors that made it look even more beautiful than I remembered. Followed by the many different drawings I did when we made a livelihood behind the prison walls, some being portraits of people while others where whatever I could conjure up in my mind. I flipped through the ones I created when we had nowhere to go, when the hope of surviving felt more like a fatal thing than anything else. Those in particular I found were the darkest, and yet the ones I was the proudest of. I scanned through the endless pages until landing on the very last one I had been slowly working at recently; a painting of Glenn.
I had remembered his request all these years, back to the first time I had met him, and I found I never fully followed through with the promise I made. But better late than never. Looking at it now and seeing the little details I had managed to complete, it made me all the more excited to finally be able to give it to him. With that in mind I decided to pick up from where I last left off, the activity distracting for the time being before I would have to face reality again.
I didn't know how long I had worked on the piece, how many hours had passed as I focused, I didn't even remember dozing off. But the next thing I knew I was opening my eyes to find it was completely dark outside, and the house was still just as silent as it was when I first walked in. Telling me that Daryl still hadn't returned.
Slowly I pushed myself up into a sitting position, running a hand through my hair to tame it as I looked around the room with my sleep ridden eyes to try and pinpoint the time on the clock. Eleven thirty-eight. Clearly I was more exhausted from today than I noticed. With a deep exhale I forced myself to stand up, heading back outside to get some fresh air while the world outside was quiet for a change. Sitting down on the steps, I took out a pack of cigarettes that were still tucked away in my jacket pocket and lit one up, looking out into Alexandria.
There seemed to be not a soul wandering around at this hour, the houses nearby hadn't a flicker of a light in any windows I was able to see. A cool send of a breeze that passed was enough for me to pull the material tighter around myself, and the silence somewhat nice and calming in a moment when we all truly needed it. I inhaled another drag and sat back, trying to relax.
"Hey, Rose." a voice suddenly called out.
I looked over to my right to see Spencer standing in the driveway, his stance awkward and his hands shoved into the pockets of his jeans as he smiled at me. A small scoff left me before fixing my gaze upon the lit cigarette between my fingers, clearly not wanting or needing to be bothered after the day I had. Silently I hoped that he would take the obvious hint and leave me the hell alone, but his quiet footsteps coming closer were far from reassuring.
"...Mind if I sit?"
"Hm, yeah I kinda do." I muttered, inhaling another plume of smoke.
He sighed quietly before slowly planting himself next to me anyway despite my protests, "Look, I know we got off on the wrong foot. But I want to try again...if you'll let me."
When I finally took the chance to look at him it seemed as though he was being genuine for once in his life, but I didn't believe it. This man could easily be a sociopath and I didn't really feel like becoming best friends with him ever since what happened at that party.
"No offense, but I could not care less about what you want."
He frowned, "Please? I just need to clear my conscience."
"Are you deaf?" I asked genuinely.
"We don't even have to talk." he offered.
I rolled my eyes in plain annoyance, but I didn't argue further as I knew I would only be wasting my breath. He wouldn't leave no matter what I said. He was like a roach that wouldn't go away no matter how many times you sprayed him.
We sat there in an agonizing silence, my mind trying to calculate why he was really here. In no way were his claims true about a fresh start, hell, the guy probably didn't even have a conscience. Along with the fact that there was something clearly off about his body language, like he almost wanted something from me. Like he was waiting for me to finally give in and say something further. But clearly he wasn't aware of how stubborn I was, I wouldn't talk for the rest of my life if he continued to stay glued to my side like a puppy.
"So...is your husband home?" he asked casually.
"I'm sorry, is that talking I hear?"
He huffed at my response, "What I meant was we didn't have to talk about, y'know...what happened today. I'm sure that was a lot for you."
His hands slid over the material of his pants to wipe them off nervously before turning one of his palms up, as if he were offering his hand to hold. Gross.
"Yeah, it was a lot. Someone died." I answered bluntly.
He nodded his head slowly, "Is there anything I can do to make it better...?"
It was then it hit me. The implication behind his words were now almost too obvious to ignore. He came here hoping to find me in a vulnerable state, hoping to take advantage of it and get exactly what he wanted since the beginning. It didn't surprise me by any means that he hadn't changed, but it disgusted me beyond what I could put into words.
In an instant I dropped my cigarette on the step below me and stomped it out before standing up to my feet, "Goodnight, Spencer." I spoke bitterly when turning around to head back into my house. Feeling like I almost needed to shower after the short interaction.
However, right as my hand was about to reach for the doorknob, I felt my arm being pulled back. I spun around like he had burned me, seeing his hand gripping onto my wrist to keep me in place.
"Let go of me." I spoke slowly. Warning him to step away from me before I did something stupid. Like kill him.
He shook his head, "No, just- just listen to me-"
I tried to pull myself away, but he retaliated by grabbing my other arm to hold me in place, causing my eyes to widen as I snapped. "What the hell is wrong with you?"
"Just listen to me." he pleaded again.
"Spencer, get the fuck off me!" I yelled when attempting to rip my arms free, my foot coming down harshly on top of his which made him double over with a sharp groan. I reeled away from him to where my back hit the side of the house, preparing to absolutely tear him apart.
"Hey!"
The second I heard the shout of protest coming from across the street my head snapped up, watching a flash of Daryl approach the scene faster than I had ever seen him move before. His hand landed on Spencer's shoulder the moment he was close enough to rip him away from me, "She said step the hell back." he growled, shoving him harshly down the steps.
Spencer winced when his back made contact with the concrete, Daryl practically leaping down the stairs to follow where his body landed, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt to keep him in place before bringing his fist across his cheek. I watched from a distance with a note of shock written across my features, but I didn't move, nor did I make an effort to stop him. His face slowly becoming more bloody and bruised as the hits grew more repeated.
After seemingly satisfied with the damage, Daryl yanked him closer so he would hear and remember his threat. "Ya ever put yer hands on my wife again; I won't fuckin stop next time. Now get the hell outta here."
The minute he was free, Spencer shot up to his feet and scampered away like a dog with his tail between his legs, rushing down the sidewalk with a slight limp. I unconsciously rubbed over the sore spot on my wrist as Daryl slowly turned around to walk back up the steps. I expected him to say something, to check on me, to wordlessly look me over for any further injuries. But...he didn't. Instead, he brushed right past me and into the house, leaving the front door wide open behind him.
I froze, staring at the same spot he was once standing in. And odd wave of guilt hit me at his unfamiliar behavior, convincing myself that somehow it was my fault for not shutting Spencer down sooner. For not socking him across the face when I had the chance. Though eventually I snapped out of it long enough to steadily trail back inside and shut the door behind me with an echoing click. My back remained pressed against the door for a moment as I looked to see the light turned on from upstairs, pushing off the surface to follow the faint noise of his rummaging. His frame stood tall in the bathroom as he stared down at his bloody hands, watching him examine the cuts littering his knuckles and tend to them himself.
I hovered in the doorway, not missing the fact that he didn't even acknowledge my presence. "You didn't have to do that..." I said quietly.
"Don't." he mumbled before I could even take another breath.
I was left taken aback for a moment at his cold demeanor, folding my arms self-consciously over my chest, "I'm just saying, I could've handled it myself. I shouldn't need you to come and save me."
His eyes finally tore away from his hands and he looked over at me with narrowed eyes, "Ya sure ya didn't want him ta stick around?"
My brows furrowed in confusion, "What're you talking about?"
He scoffed breathlessly and grabbed a nearby washcloth, running it under warm water with the intention to press against his hand. "Don't deserve ya." he repeated from earlier, "M' startin to think you'd might as well be better off with a guy like him."
To say I was baffled would be an understatement. "Oh...yeah, you're right. Guys who won't listen when I tell them no, that's my wet dream right there." I said sarcastically.
"M' serious." he said sternly.
"Yeah, so am I." I nodded, "Where is this even coming from?"
"Everyone else walks right on outta my life, Rose! Only a matter of time before you do the same fuckin thing."
My eyes widened at not only the harshness of his words, but the words in general. I almost thought I was somehow hallucinating. There was no way in hell he should be questioning my loyalty, not now, and especially not after everything we had been through. Everything that we had lost. It was unfathomable to me that it wasn't enough to convince him.
"I'm sorry," I laughed humorlessly, "Are you...are you serious? You think I'd leave you?"
He didn't say anything more and instead focused on his hands, wincing as he cleaned them. "Honey, I've put a lot of time and effort into this relationship- like two whole years worth. That, and I kind of like you a little bit, I'd prefer to keep you around." I said to try and lighten the mood, "I'm not going anywhere."
His eyes studied me again, but his tough exterior didn't falter. In fact it was almost like he built up another wall. "Well, I just figured it don't matter how much a person cares, or how much a person loves ya, they always leave! Everybody's the fuckin same!"
"Do you hear yourself?" I asked honestly, "You sound insane. All of this because of Spencer-"
"This ain't about Spencer. It's bout the principle." he grumbled.
"Something happened," I accused, "There's something else you're not telling me. There's no way you would go and say this out of the blue, not after the conversation we just had a few hours ago."
His lips pressed together in a thin line before he wordlessly pulled out a piece of paper from his vest pocket and slammed it on the bathroom counter, "Carol's gone."
What. The. Fuck.
My eyes widened at the unexpected news, walking into the room to take the letter in my hands to see for myself what was written, and it was a goodbye. Apparently killing those Saviors was too much for her to handle, driving her to not be able to eat or sleep at night. She didn't want to kill anyone else. Not for her, or for us, claiming she would no longer to be able to protect us in the ways she wanted to. It all began to weigh on her far too harshly for her to handle. So, she left.
When I was done reading I looked back up at him in astonishment. It shocked me greatly that she was gone, but her sudden absence isn't what shocked me the most. It was the fact that she left, and now all of a sudden Daryl had it in his head that it was only a matter of time before I did the same thing. Like this was somehow my fault.
He thought that I was going to leave because someone else important in his life had left him too. He thought I would walk out because of someone else's actions. Comparing me to her when I was still right here in front of him, trying and pleading to show how much I loved him. That's something I should never have to do, something I never thought I would do. But here we are.
"I am not Carol." I snapped slightly.
He stared at me, not daring to say another word, but I was far from done. "You have every right to be upset right now. Between everything that happened today, and now this?" I held the letter up in my grasp, "You should be angry. But you don't get to do this. You don't get to treat me like this because something else went wrong that you weren't able to control."
Silence.
"I'm standing here begging for you to listen to me, and all you're doing is choosing what you want to hear. If you need reassurance- if you need comfort, I am here to offer you that. But don't you dare accuse me of anything like this just because you're hurting right now, that's far from fair. And what kills me is that you know. You know I would never leave you. And you still pointed the finger at me, for something that has never even crossed my mind."
My rant was over, but I didn't feel any lighter. I didn't even feel the tears running down my face until I was done speaking. His stance was ridged and he hadn't moved his gaze away from me once, only now I noticed a different look to his eye. Guilt. Seeming as though he felt entirely idiotic for jumping so far to conclusions, and once he saw my tears I knew it was over. I hadn't meant to get so emotional, but I couldn't help it. I was hurt. And I didn't want to stand here in silence any longer.
"I'm going for a walk." I muttered before turning around to head back downstairs.
My feet stomped against the carpet hurriedly, each step leading me closer and closer to where I could escape the suffocating feeling of this house. Though just as I was about to leave, I heard his voice calling after me in a much softer tone than before. Like he instantly wanted to fix everything. My eyes closed for a brief second before exiting the house and quietly shutting the door behind me. We both needed the time to cool off, and I knew that if I sat and listened to what he had to say right now, it would only make things worse.
After lighting up another cigarette, I began pacing down the sidewalk like I had a certain kind of destination in mind of where I wanted to end up. But I didn't. All I knew was that when I hit a corner with nowhere else to step, I would turn to continue making a full circle around the gates. It went on like that for a while, unknown to just how many times I had rounded the entirety of this place like a caged animal, but the more peaceful it got, the more I could tell it was working.
When I reached for another smoke in the crumpled up carton and found nothing inside, I realized I had somehow chain smoked them all on my little outing. No wonder it had grown so tolerable. I glanced up then to see I had finished right where I started, looking out toward the familiar house to my left, but I couldn't help but sneak a glance to my right. Part of me knew better than to go running to someone else, but I didn't want to be alone with my thoughts any longer.
My hand raised to give a firm knock to his door, stepping back to wait for any kind of indication that there was movement from inside. The longer I stood there the more pathetic I felt, although I knew it was too late to turn back now.
A groan of the hinges made me look up again to lock eyes with Rick who stood on the other side, his hair a bit disheveled and his eyes a little tired like he had just been sleeping, however upon seeing the state I was in he perked up greatly. Apparently I looked about as worse as I felt.
To the silent question in his eyes, I shrugged, "No...I'm not okay."
His brows pinched together in worry, stepping forward to gently grasp me by my shoulders before pulling me into his arms, "C'mere."
I held onto him tight the moment I got the chance, feeling his hands begin to rub my back reassuringly as if to try and soothe any worries I still held onto. It almost made me want to cry all over again. He didn't pry, or ask what happened, but instead just held me in a time of unspoken need.
"Can I just...stay here for a while?" I asked quietly.
I felt his lips press against the crown of my head before slowly releasing me, "Course you can. Come on." he nodded for me to step inside.
When I walked past him into the darkness of the entryway I saw that Michonne had wandered downstairs to check out the commotion, though her expression relaxed upon seeing it was just me. I tried to explain myself, apologize for coming here at such an unreasonable hour, but she was having none of it. Instead she cut off my words to embrace me as well, seemingly not needing to hear a word for her to understand. Apparently the news that spread was not only about what happened on the tracks, but how hard we were taking it as well.
The three of us eventually gravitated toward the couch, using the time we still had to try and get my mind off the whole situation. Though they did eventually ask what events had happened that pushed me far enough to seek comfort somewhere else. I spared a few details for the sake of my sanity, especially the ones about Carol up and leaving when no one was looking. I had hardly even processed that she was really gone, I didn't want to be the one to spread the word.
In the end I wanted to feel better, but the feeling never came. Then again maybe it wouldn't for a while.
"How long do you think it's been?" I eventually brought myself to ask.
Rick looked down at his watch tiredly, "About three hours." he announced, "You know, you're always welcome to stay here if you need to."
Immediately I shook my head, "Oh, I couldn't do that."
"He can take the couch." Michonne offered up.
The look on his face afterward made me laugh, waving off their insistence, "No, I won't kick you out of your own bed. I've made mine, I need to go lie in it." I said unenthusiastically.
I caught the tilt of Rick's head as he watched me stand up to leave, "See you tomorrow?"
"Yep," I sighed, "Can't wait."
They both laughed at the dryness in my tone before walking me out, parting from them with every bit of gratefulness I could offer after letting me stay as long as I did.
I tried to be as quiet as I could when stepping back inside my house, the silence that lingered there made the anxiety in my stomach twist. After kicking off my shoes and carefully avoiding the creakiness of the stairs, I made sure to move slow in case there was even a chance that Daryl was asleep. But he had the instincts of a goddamn cat, somehow always sensing when someone entered the space no matter how little noise they made. Probably coming from the paranoia of being on the road for however long, but that special skill of his didn't do much to help me out right at this very moment.
When I reached the bedroom, I looked to see him lying in bed with his back turned to face me, but I knew he wasn't asleep. The room was far too quiet. It almost made me hesitant to move from my spot. But I didn't waste any time when I finally did.
After getting myself ready for bed I slowly moved toward the mattress, easing myself down to get situated under the blankets. I laid on my back and stared up at the ceiling, trying to clear my head enough to fall asleep for the night. Part of me knew it was futile. But what made me pause my rambling of thoughts inside my head was feeling him shift beside me to mirror my position, his gaze firmly on the ceiling as he too couldn't find the will to rest. We didn't say a word about what happened, neither of us having the strength to bring it up again for the night. However, that didn't stop him from reaching his hand down to blindly find mine beneath the covers. And I didn't push him away, rather squeezing his hand in the silent reassurance that was quite literally keeping him awake.
I knew all the built up anger and emotions got the better of him; it tends to happen to the best of us. Which is why I held his hand throughout the night, even when I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. We were okay.
Please don’t ever give up on writing Desert Rose I noticed your updates are getting less and less frequent🥲
it warms my heart that people care this much<3
i promise i’m not going anywhere! life just gets a little busy sometimes which means i unfortunately have less time to write. but a new chapter will be posted as soon as possible. xoxo
In this chapter ~ In the process of coping with the events that happened at the Savior's outpost, Rose and Daryl are asked to accompany Denise on a supply run for medical supplies. Along the way, they all overcome something that’s haunting them.
AN ~ In honor of Norm’s birthday, here’s a new chapter:)
I stared disoriented at the glass reflecting back at me, almost as if I were adjusting to every new prominent and invisible mark left on me since that night. It had been days, yet for all those days I continuously tried to shake the feeling that seemed to be weighing me down. Not guilt or regret, but doubt.
In the end it all seemed too simple, too straightforward. Despite all the lives we had to take, it was over in what felt like an instant and something we now wouldn't have to worry about ever again. Even though my mind was still stuck. But it had been nearly a week, and...nothing. Death hadn't come knocking upon our gates, everyone within Alexandria was fed, and Hilltop was happier than ever. Now having their man back and own share of supplies they could keep solely for themselves instead of giving it up to those selfish bastards.
My chest contracted to make up for the deep breath I forced myself to release, the grip I had on the countertop easing and I continued to look at the woman staring back at me. The circles under my eyes proved how tired I still remained, giving away all my secrets. Before long they traveled down toward my throat to examine the stitches that were still deeply embedded in my flesh. A new scar I would have to endure, a new reminder of the things I had been through. The universe had a funny way of showing things, making it all so painfully ironic.
I winced at the sharp feeling, a muffled groan escaping me filled with pain and frustration when the needle pieced my skin for what felt like the hundredth time. My hands held onto the makeshift bed beneath where I sat until my knuckles turned white, trying to think of anything else besides what was happening to me in this small room. It was funny how I could take any kind of beating like it was nothing, but the second a needle came into the picture, I turned into the biggest little bitch the world has ever seen.
Denise cringed a little, "Sorry. I'm almost done, I swear." she tried to reassure, her free hand pushing her glasses up her nose as she finished the diligent work.
"Just do what you gotta do." I waved off.
She nodded, feeling the thread pulling through only a couple more times before finally announcing she was finished. And I had never been happier. Breathing somewhat a sigh of relief, I sensed her stepping away only to come back a moment later with some cotton pads to clean up the area. The sting felt like heaven compared to earlier.
"So, where's your partner in crime?" she voiced with a small smirk.
I rolled my eyes, "You mean the same asshole who made me come in the first place?" my tone was sarcastic. "He's with Rick; talking about some plan for the next few runs we'll have to make."
"In that case, I'm glad he did. A gash that deep could've gotten infected if we didn't patch you up."
"Well, thanks for preventing it then." I huffed quietly.
She nodded again, as if it were no big deal at all before silently cleaning up the area. I twisted my neck from side to side, feeling a bit sore from having to keep it tilted upward before slowly scooting off the metal table to stand. But before I was able to leave, she turned toward me again.
"Look I- uh...I won't ask what happened. Or what you had to do. But...are you okay?"
I didn't think twice about her question before I was nodding my head, "Yeah, I mean...it hurt, but wounds heal, right?"
Her expression saddened when I casually brushed it off, "That's not what I meant."
My heart stilled once I realized she wasn't referring to my physical wellbeing, but rather my mental. Clearly it was no secret around here that the group was still a little messed up after the incidents, something we should've been used to by now seeing as we always did what we had to in order to survive. But some were taking it harder than others.
"I'm fine."
Her eyes narrowed ever so slightly, and that made me sigh, "I will be fine." I corrected, "Just need some time."
"Okay..." she nodded slowly, turning briefly to grab a bottle of disinfectant off the countertop and handing it over to me, "Clean at least once a day, be careful in the shower."
My head dipped in acknowledgement to her advice as I took the bottle, briefly reading the label, "And, um..." she continued hesitantly, "I'm also technically licensed in counseling."
I simply stared at her.
"Just if you ever, you know...need to talk to somebody." she offered nervously, her confidence faltering at the look on my face.
I cleared my throat, nodding as if that information would mean anything to me, "Thanks, I'll keep that in mind." I said sarcastically.
The cold feeling of saline solution made a chill run through me, spraying thoroughly over the area as Denise instructed. The wound itself looked almost completely healed despite the light pink mark it would leave behind, but at this point in my life, I found I didn't care. At least not as much as I used to. Just another thing I would have to accept as life progressed, the things that would leave their imprint on me forever. The good and the bad.
After wiping off the access wash that lingered on my throat, I tossed the tissues in the trash before exiting the bathroom, grabbing a thin jacket from the closet and slipping it on as I walked downstairs. I hadn't been feeling hungry in the mornings like I used to, nor was I as carefree, instead left feeling sluggish and oddly cold with the days that passed. I recognized the patterns, but I chose to ignore them, not wanting to admit Denise was right about what she had assumed from the start.
The water boiled in the kettle, steaming when I poured it into a tall mug, and the teabag turning it a dark brown the longer I let it sit. I knew I would hardly drink it, but it was still nice to hold in my hands to warm them up as I ventured outside to the front porch. Spotting his angel winged vest from a mile away as he sat slouched in his usual spot. I approached slowly when I noticed he was lost in his own little world, placing a hand on his shoulder to prevent myself from startling him when I slowly took a seat right by his side.
His gaze panned over at the feel of my presence, offering me a small smile, "You slept a little longer."
I shrugged, "Just a few minutes."
"Still counts."
That made me smile a bit, taking a sip from the drink still nestled in my grasp when my eyes panned over to his motorcycle sitting in the driveway. "You take it out yet?"
"Uh, no, not yet." he grunted, "Just been playing with the interior. It was all fucked up from when that asshole took it."
We had come up with a series of nicknames for said asshole. The same one who had basically robbed him blind in those woods when shit was hitting the fan with the horde of walkers. But the only regret Daryl managed to have from that day; was not taking care of him when he had the chance.
By the time I turned to look at him again, I found his eyes weren't on my face, but instead the new souvenir just south of my jaw. I felt myself frown when I noticed the switch in energy, the past few days feeling even more brutal knowing that he continued to blame himself for everything that happened to me. It was bad enough I had to deal with it in general, but seeing his sadness on top of it all nearly split my heart in two.
Eventually I grew tired of his worried stare, reaching a hand out to tilt his chin upward so he would look into my eyes. "Don't." I spoke softly.
He shook his head with a defeated sigh, bringing his own hand to gently grasp my wrist, "Just can't stop worryin bout ya. What they did to ya." he muttered.
"What they did to me?" I repeated. His brows furrowed a little in confusion. "Honey, I took care of them. All of them. And you're worried about a little mark? To me it seems like I won that battle."
"It ain't just that." he corrected, squeezing my wrist lightly.
I huffed quietly and lowered my hand from his face, "I'll get over it."
His eyes lifted up to look at me again, studying my expression while bringing his fingers up to gently run through my hair. Eventually settling on the back of my neck. "I don't think it's just something you can get over. It's something you gotta work through."
"Then I'll work through it."
"Means you gotta start talking to me. No more brushing things off, no more lyin...just lemme be here."
I knew he was right. I hadn't been honest with him, but that was only because I didn't want to accept it myself. How I was so affected over something that was normalized and yet still undeniably brutal. The feeling wouldn't last forever, it never did. I just had to learn how to start asking for help when I truly needed it.
After a beat I nodded my head in agreement, "Okay..."
He let out a small breath at my acceptance, his forehead coming down to rest against mine while his fingers began massaging the slight tension out of my neck. "I'll die before I let anyone hurt ya again." he promised quietly.
I hummed, "I'd rather you not die at all."
A small chuckle managed to escape him before he leaned in to kiss me. His lips felt soft and comforting, like I would never be able to get enough of him as long as I was alive. Every time felt just like the first all over again, the same flutter rising in my stomach and a feeling of relief when it made me forget about my worries if only for a moment. He was always the best at that.
Eventually I pulled back much to my own protests, knowing my appointment at the infirmary was approaching when it neared mid-morning, "I have to head out soon. See Denise about taking these stitches out today."
"You want me to come?" he asked softly.
"Well," I sighed as I pushed myself up to stand, "It just so happens I need someone to come and hold my hand." I hinted, offering my free one out to help him.
He smiled, reaching out to grasp my palm and ease himself up to his full height where he hovered over me, silently bringing my fingers to his lips in silent acceptance.
By the time we made it to the infirmary it was within a perfect window of time where the building was mostly silent, ensuring we would hopefully be in and out within minutes. I sat on the familiar table in the back, waiting patiently as she looked over everything to make sure they were ready to come out. And in result they had healed beautifully.
She took her time to be precise, removing each and every one with ease which wasn't nearly as bad as having them put in. Yet Daryl still kept his word, his grip on my hand never faltering for a moment. Making me appreciate the support even in the smallest situations. And within a few minutes she was done, cleaning it one last time for good measure before hesitating to speak, seeming a bit nervous as she glanced back and forth between us.
In return I sat up a bit straighter, "What is it? Does it look bad?"
"No! No." she assured quickly with a shake of her head, "Everything looks fine, you're good as new."
Daryl looked more relieved than I did. "Then what's going on?"
Her hands fidgeted awkwardly in front of her whilst she answered, "Well, it's just a little thing. The infirmary is running low on a few supplies, and...I was wondering if you two would be up to going on this run today? I mean, that is...if you're not too busy?"
Daryl's brows furrowed a little, "Abraham and Eugene went out today, why didn't you ask them?"
"They were up and gone before the sun," she huffed quietly, "I didn't have the chance to catch them. It was just a thought, you really don't have to-"
I shook my head, "No, it's okay. We'll do it."
Daryl took a glance at me, "...We will?"
"Yeah," I said nonchalantly, "It might be nice to get out of here for a while. Just name the place."
Denise instantly lit up like a Christmas tree and held a hand up for us to wait, "Hold on, I drew up a map." she informed briefly before she was out of the room in a flash.
A moment of silence passed, Daryl waiting until the very last moment that guaranteed she was out of earshot before leaning in to whisper, "Whatchu volunteering us for?"
I shrugged, "I'm...working through it."
His gaze softened when he connected the dots, silently nodding in understanding by the time she came back with the piece of paper in hand.
"After I got out of DC, I just drove. And I remembered seeing this spot right when I realized I had no idea where I was going. Edison's Apothecary and Boutique? It's just this little gift shop in a strip mall but if it's really an apothecary, they had drugs."
"How do ya know they still got 'em?" Daryl asked.
She shrugged, "It's not that far, it wouldn't hurt to check. We can take a car and-"
"We?" he repeated, "Thought you just wanted us to go for ya."
The air grew silent for a moment when he called her out. Part of me felt uneasy about that idea, knowing she hadn't been outside the walls hardly at all since arriving to Alexandria. I didn't even need to look back at Daryl to know that he was thinking similarly, not wanting to be responsible for someone who hardly knew what they were doing. It now seemed like a babysitting gig rather than a quick run through a shopping center.
"Remind me...how much time have you spent out there?" I asked genuinely.
She didn't answer for a moment, her gaze studying her shoes intently, "None..." she eventually admitted under her breath, not even attempting to lie.
"Forget it." Daryl denied immediately.
"I can ID the meds." she tried, "I know how to use a machete now, Rosita's been teaching me. I've seen roamers up close- I'm ready."
I shook my head, "The ignorance in what you just said just proves that you're not ready," I corrected, "We're not doing this."
"Then I'll go alone." she said.
"You'll die alone." I clapped back.
"That's why I'm asking you to make sure that I don't..." she pleaded.
It was like we were having a silent face-off with her and I didn't like where it was going. In the back of my mind I knew she would need experience with these things eventually, testing the waters and learning how to handle the world we've come to know. But I didn't think Daryl and I needed to be the ones to accompany her, not if it was her first time, and especially not on any kind of supply run. It would be someone else's life in the palm of our hands, neither of us wanting to be responsible for what she would have to face out there.
But then the next thing I knew, I was stuck between the two of them in an old beat-up truck, driving down the long road outside of Alexandria towards the destination. Eyeing the map that Denise still held clutched in her hands.
Though if the awkwardness in the air was considered bad, the ride itself was even worse. The vehicle jerking back and forth harshly every time Daryl shifted the gear, causing Denise and I to reel forward right along with it. Blissfully unaware in the driver's seat, he continued to kill it every few seconds, leaving the two of us with whiplash at this point.
"It- um..." Denise was about to speak up, gesturing toward the stick before thinking better of it and shaking her head to herself.
"What?" he grunted, glancing back briefly toward her.
Again she shook her head, "No, never mind. Forget it."
"Nah, what?" he pressed as he shifted and jerked the truck again.
She cleared her throat awkwardly, "I just think maybe...you're disengaging it too soon?" she spoke, the statement coming out more like a question. He gave her a blank stare in return. "I've been driving stick since I was fifteen, usually beat up trucks like this...I mean before- you know...before I left home."
He shifted again and I cringed a little at the horrible sound the gears made when grinding together, "My brother taught me, so I just know." she finally finished rambling, clearly nervous about pushing it when neither of us wanted to accompany her in the first place.
He didn't make any attempt to respond, but he didn't have to. The sound of him continuously shifting at the wrong time all while glancing her way made it clear he was in no kind of mood for her advice. But I for one was in no kind of mood to be stuck in the middle of it, subtly nudging him so he would finally put an end to his point. And just as well, he didn't have much of a choice seeing as by the time we took another glance out of the windshield, there was a large tree blocking our path. Having recently fallen over directly onto the streets.
The truck ultimately came to a slow halt and Daryl swore to himself, throwing it into park before his hand hovered over the doorhandle. "Stay here." he directed toward the doctor before we both stepped outside to take a look around.
Gravel crunched beneath my boots from the moment they hit the ground, the assault rifle hung loosely in my grasp all while keeping our eyes peeled. There was no telling in which this kind of incident was one of nature or purposely placed by another soul; either way it was best to be cautious.
"You regrettin this yet?" I heard Daryl ask once we were far enough from the vehicle.
I shrugged, "What else did I have to do today?"
He snorted quietly at my response, our heads turning toward the same direction when hearing the faint sound of a few walkers coming from what seemed to be beneath the tree trunk. Stuck from when the accident occurred.
"I got it," I nodded before strapping my gun across my torso, pulling out a knife instead when approaching the growing noise.
I crouched low when I managed to spot the two crushed walkers, plunging my blade into one after the other until it went silent again. When I stood back up I took a second to do another scan around the area, seeing there wasn't another living being beyond this brought me some kind of peace of mind knowing we now had to make the rest of this trip on foot.
Daryl whistled sharply from where he stood, giving a nod to Denise to get out of the car who still seemed undeniably anxious. Like a stray cat in a cage or something.
Her eyes widened when she hesitantly got out of the truck, "Wait, we're walking now?"
"Well, I kinda forgot my chainsaw at home so there's really no getting around this." I responded sarcastically.
She sighed in what I could only assume was stress, quickly taking out the map again as if to pinpoint a detour we could follow. "It seems like it's a straight shot if we take the tracks. And the safest."
Daryl immediately shook his head, "Nah, no tracks. We'll take the road." he gestured ahead, assuming we would work around the tree.
"But that's twice as far-"
"Go whichever way ya like," he cut off her argument, "I ain't takin no damn tracks." his voice repeated firmly before setting off in the opposite direction.
I sighed quietly to myself upon watching his retreating frame shrink further away, shaking my head when I began to follow, "We're not splitting up." I called over my shoulder, "Let's go."
Denise's lack of movement told me she hesitated again, before eventually I managed to make out her hurried steps try and catch up with us. Though she had a choice, she clearly didn't want to go off alone. Proving yet again that she just wasn't ready for something like this.
A small breath escaped her when she fell in step beside me, her eyes panning back and forth between where Daryl was leading the way a few steps ahead to right back at my figure. "What did I say?" she whispered.
My head turned to catch her look of concern, briefly reminded of what I knew Daryl secretly feared. The memory of the tracks that led to Terminus were filled with nothing but slaughter and brutal death, something that none of us wanted to remember. Or the bad luck that came with it.
"It's not you." I reassured with a shake of my head.
After that simple response, she said nothing else, respecting the sensitive topic as she came to understand how she overstepped without even meaning to. I didn't blame her for the curiosity, having almost no idea of the things we once had to face and the trauma that could come with it. But I think after the Saviors, it enlightened her just a little bit more.
The three of us walked the rest of the way in silence, always keeping an eye out for any kind of danger. But the air among us remained quiet, leaving us with no complications or wrong turns as we made it to the place with surprising ease. The long structure had many different doors leading to the shops aligned with each other, each one of them as old and dust covered as the first which was always a good sign. Meaning not many had thought of looting this place before us.
Denise directed us toward the correct entrance once we approached, the tinted window making it hard to peer inside, causing Daryl to step up and bang on it a few times to alert any corpses that might've been inside. A few seconds passed without any sort of ruckus, pressing my ear to the surface momentarily to be sure before giving a nod that it seemed to be clear as I took hold of my weapon once more.
Daryl shrugged the backpack off his shoulders, "Alright, me and her are gonna do this. You stay back."
Denise nodded wordlessly without argument, standing back to be out of the way as we moved forward. Daryl kicked the door open somewhat harshly with his gun held high, scanning the area of the dark store for any trace of movement we may have not been able to hear. But there was close to nothing. Racks of random clothing and glass display cases lined up near the walls instead of the monsters we expected to find, with the room being clear caused me to wave back at Denise for her to enter the space.
Upon further inside, the stench that lingered was harsh enough to bring you to your knees if you weren't used to it already, so the gagging that came from behind us was to be expected. I took a glance over my shoulder to see Denise hunched over with her hands braced on her knees.
"God," she heaved, "What is that smell?"
"Death." Daryl and I unironically answered at the same time, shooting one another a smile afterwards.
She huffed at our reply, pushing some of her flyaway hairs back, "We gonna find out what ya had for breakfast?" Daryl asked.
"Oatmeal...just so you know." she informed once she gained back her composure.
I shook my head before pushing myself to move deeper while clicking on the flashlight to illuminate the place with more light. Absentmindedly I glanced through the jewelry cases to my right seeing as they were fairly large and shiny, the light making the gems glisten into small rainbows against the glass. Beautiful things that people donated and no longer wanted sitting in their homes, often viewed as junk. But there was one accessory in particular that caught my eye the moment I spotted it.
It was a simple lady pendant, pink and gold, unique. Reminding me of the one I had always admired wrapped around my mother's neck.
When I was young it was always my favorite in her collection, the one she wore the most, the one that she flaunted constantly. It had been passed down in our family for a couple generations, and that fact always had me silently hoping that she would one day give it to me to proudly wear. However, when my sister and I were old enough, she ended up giving it to her instead. It wasn't like I was surprised. But it still hurt.
My train of thought came to an abrupt stop when I finally forced myself to continue on. Now wasn't necessarily the time or the place to relive old memories when we needed to keep our guards up. And for some odd reason, I couldn't quite force myself to take it.
When I turned the corner of the aisle, my light shone in Daryl's direction right as he looked back at me, silently gesturing up toward the sign that read "Pharmacy" all the way in the back. Upon seeing that they had found what we were looking for, I ventured over to join them again, seeing him make work of trying to pry the door open with a crowbar. After a few grunts and tugs the thing finally broke open with a swing, revealing any and every type of medication you could ever imagine. This kind of jackpot would surely set us for months.
"Okay..." Denise sighed in relief, "Let's be smart about this. You can set the meds on the counter and I'll tell you if we need them or not."
"No way are you kidding? We're taking them all." I said as I hopped over the counter to join Daryl on the other side.
She began to stutter, "Oh- are- are you sure?"
I nodded with a small hum, "At least everything we can carry." I clarified, gesturing for her to toss over the backpack so I could fill it up.
She hesitantly handed it out for me before stepping back in place with her arms folded over her chest, waiting anxiously for us to load up what we could manage. Every shelf that was stocked I dumped inside the bag, different pain killers and antibiotics along with some more prenatal vitamins for Maggie when she would ultimately run low. Maybe it was selfish to take this much when there were other people in the world in need, but we had to learn very quickly that the most important thing now was to look after ourselves.
The walls in the very back were lined up with medical supplies, fresh bandages, gauze, ointments, and various other things that we managed to cram together. I then caught sight of some kind of small section specifically for sleeping adhesives, different patches and pills to take to knock you out cold at night. It was more temping than I would've liked to admit. Maybe they wouldn't even work. But even then, I found myself reaching for a bottle of gummies to zip up inside the small pocket before I could allow my mind to think twice.
We were nearly done cleaning the place out, our bags heavy and our consciences satisfied, when a sudden crash made both of our heads fly up in the direction of the noise. I pulled out one of my knives and stepped around the corner with purpose, noticing Denise wasn't in the same spot I last saw her in. Instead she was on the ground surrounded by broken glass from one of the cases she must've run into, shattering nearly everything on the tile floor. And creating far too much noise for my liking.
"What the hell are you doing?" I asked a little too sharply.
She shook her head, quickly standing back up as if nothing had even happened, cheeks warming in embarrassment. "Nothing." she squeaked, rushing toward the front doors in a blind panic as if she had seen something that stunned her beyond repair.
My eyes were glued to her hasty exit, feeling a small amount of guilt for how I initially reacted. I exhaled slowly before looking toward Daryl, "I'm going to check on her. You got this?"
"Yeah, go on." he nodded encouragingly.
I set the backpack down on the counter before walking through the threshold, shoving my hands in my pockets when making my way toward the exit. My head turned to look around and see which way she had gone, only to find her sitting down on the curb to my right, her head ducked down as she played with her hands in her lap. She sniffled subtly when moving her glasses to wipe a few stray tears from her cheeks, not glancing up at me though she knew I was there. I made it pretty apparent with how loudly I open and closed the door.
Slowly I walked over and sat down to where there was a small gap between our knees, not saying much at first as I looked out at the field of grass a few hundred feet away from us. It was tall enough where you could get lost in it, yellow like it had been dead for years. But upon looking closer, I managed to spot a new growth that was just poking out of the ground. Despite the grass that had been wilted, and sad, the world continued to spin. Life would still carry on, and sometimes maybe you needed to know when to pick yourself up and move with it.
"You okay?" I finally asked.
Denise gave a small nod, "Just...got too curious, that's all." she muttered.
I didn't know what was back there, what she had seen, but I knew it was just the beginning of the many horrible things she would regrettably have to get used to. And it was a hard thing to accept.
"You were right, you know. I wasn't ready for this." she then admitted, her tone sounding like she was almost shameful for thinking otherwise.
I sighed quietly and offered a small shrug, "Maybe not...but you will be."
"Yeah, right," she scoffed in disbelief.
"I'm serious."
My tone caused her to look at me again, seeing I was being nothing but sincere. I had seen this before and I would see it again, sheltered people who believed they would never be able to make it the way the rest of us had. But they could. It just took time.
I huffed quietly, "You might not be able to handle the smell or kill a walker, but that doesn't mean you're not brave."
Her tense expression eased gradually, "You...you think I'm brave?"
"What you do everyday, keeping people in Alexandria alive..." I trailed off with a shrug, "If that isn't brave, I don't know what is."
Her softened eyes made me feel good, knowing I had said the right thing in the moment where she really needed to hear it. I hoped it had given her the right amount of confidence and determination, the smallest bit of it could do wonders when it came to adapting. In the beginning she had offered me a shoulder to lean on, a listening ear if I needed it after the mental battles that I had been going through. But I realized then, she needed one herself just as much as I did.
Seconds of silence passed as she tried to gather her response, but by the time she opened her mouth again the door opened to reveal Daryl. "Let's get movin'." he mumbled, passing over the extra bag.
Denise took hold of it and stood back up to her feet, offering me nothing more but a grateful smile and I managed to get the message. Maybe coming out here today wasn't such a bad idea after all. There was personal growth with each and every one of us, including Daryl who seemed to have a change of heart about which direction to take back to the truck. Wordlessly leading the way onto the tracks, facing the irrational fear that continued to haunt him.
We walked side by side in a comfortable kind of silence, our hands tethered together and my eyes trained to my feet to measure each and every wooden beam we crossed. The trees were passing on our left while there were abandoned cars to our right, the rocks rustling upon every step. A soft kind of tranquility to the end of the day
"Close yer eyes." Daryl suddenly spoke.
My brows pinched in confusion, "What?"
"Close yer eyes." he repeated.
"I don't like this game."
He chuckled at my weariness, "C'mon, woman. Just do it."
I hummed in displeasure before finally complying, my lids fluttering closed as I put my trust in him to not let me veer off from the path as we walked. There was a small pause where I wasn't able to tell what he was doing, before he then raised my hand he continued to keep a grip on to place something light in my palm. Closing my fingers around it securely.
When I opened my eyes and looked down to see what he had given me, my chest tightened. It was the necklace, the same lady pendant that my gaze had lingered on, the same one I had pondered over for far longer than I even meant to. Clearly he had caught me when I wasn't paying much attention, unable to fathom how he was able to seek out the right one without fully knowing which of them I had my heart set upon.
"Saw ya lookin at the jewelry in there. This one just...looked like ya." he rumbled close to my ear, ensuring I was the only one who heard.
I swallowed down the lump in my throat, looking up at him gratefully as I whispered, "Thank you."
He gave my hand another squeeze before allowing me to let go long enough to put it safely in my jacket pocket. Taking another breath, his lowered voice spoke again, "Ya did good today, killer."
I smiled a little at his affectionate tone, "Yeah?"
"Mhm," he nodded surely, biting his lower lip almost hesitantly for a beat, "You holdin up alright?"
Oddly enough I found myself nodding in return, "Actually, yeah...I'm okay. I guess the fresh air and sunlight kinda did me some good."
"That ain't a myth?" he chuckled.
I gave a shrug, "Apparently not."
Laughing with him felt refreshing, in fact the whole day felt like I had finally taken a breath after holding it in for so long. Slowly I was starting to feel like myself again after not being able to pinpoint the root of my isolation for merely days. And as it turns out, I just needed to move on. Just as the world kept spinning.
It was then I mindlessly took a brief look over my shoulder to check on Denise as she had grown a little quieter than I had expected, only to find she wasn't there. Instead I spotted her figure all the way back toward the cars we had once passed, seeing her attempt to pry into the backseat of one of the vehicles.
"Daryl." I said to grasp his attention as I stopped walking, squinting my eyes to see what the hell she was doing. And that's when she screamed.
When the back door finally flew open, a walker came right along with it and immediately took the chance to crawl on top of her and pin her down on her back. I swore to myself before we both took off back toward the scene to help her before it was too late; that way I could be the one to kill her myself the moment I got my hands on her. The closer we got, the more she fought back, wrestling with the being and struggling to get the upper hand.
I grasped my rifle and aimed once I was in range, "No! Don't!" she shouted the moment she caught a glimpse of what I was about to do.
A gunshot was fired not even a millisecond after her voice tried to stop me, my breathing heavy from running and my hands completely dropped the weapon as Daryl and I stood there with our jaws touching the ground. I wanted to scream at her, scold her for doing something so reckless instead of just following us back, but I didn't get the chance. Watching as she struggled to get back up to her feet, glasses lost in the grass, before she emptied her stomach just as we had predicted in the beginning.
A deep exhale left her once she was finished retching, looking back toward the cooler she was trying to get in the first place and opened it up. Smiling down at the arrangement of sodas and reached down to pick up an orange can, "Hot damn..."
"What the hell was that?" Daryl snapped, "Ya could've died right there, ya know that?"
"Yeah, I do." she breathed before standing up straight again, "I had it handled."
I scoffed, "The hell you did. That thing almost chewed your fucking face off!"
She looked at me in disbelief, "You said I was brave."
"Yeah, I also said you weren't ready to take on a walker." I spoke harshly as I got up close to her face, "Brave people think about their decisions, they don't just throw themselves toward something they can't handle. They're a lot smarter than that."
"Who gives a shit?" she clapped back, "You both could've easily died killing those Saviors. You wanna live, you take chances! That's how it works, and that's what I did."
My eyes widened, "For a couple of fucking pops?"
"Nope...just this one." she said whilst holding up the one in her hand, before moving past us to keep walking along the tracks.
My frustrations brewed fast at her words, glancing back toward Daryl in bewilderment. But he wasn't willing to let her get away with her careless words and actions, turning on his heel to follow behind her, "You seriously that stupid?!"
"Are you?" she spun around to him, "...I mean it. Are you?" she asked again, "Do you have any clue what that was to me? What this whole thing is to me?"
Daryl's head turned toward me, neither of us having a clue in the world what caused her to suddenly explode. I thought my words of encouragement would help her, but apparently they helped too much. "I have training in this shit." she continued, "I'm not making it up as I go along like with the stitches and the surgery and the..."
Her voice trailed off as she looked back toward Daryl, "I wanted you to come with me because you're courageous and smart. Like my brother." she swallowed before her eyes panned to me, "And I wanted you because you actually make me feel safe and so...sure of myself."
Somehow she managed to make me feel flattered and frustrated all at once.
"I could've gone with Tara. I could've told her that I loved her, but I didn't, because I was afraid. That's what's so stupid. Not coming out here, not facing my shit. And it makes me sick that you guys aren't even trying. Because you're strong and you're smart and you're both really good people, and if you don't wake-"
Before she could utter another word, a bolt suddenly shot right through the back of her head faster than I blinked. Piercing through her right eye. My mouth flew open in shock watching her words trail off and her body losing stability, Daryl rushing forward to catch her before she hit the ground. Instantly I grabbed my gun and reloaded it to point toward the trees ahead of us where the shot originally came from, Daryl following suit once her body was laid. We were unexpectedly faced with at least ten different men who now began coming out of the tree line with their own weapons raised. Pleased smirks plastered on their faces.
"Drop 'em now!" a male voice commanded.
The guy with the shaggy blonde hair stepped down in front, gripping onto the back of the familiar face of Eugene and shoving him down to his knees before us. His other hand holding Daryl's crossbow. Without needing an in-depth description, I already knew this was the same prick I had heard of many times over the past few weeks. The one that took his bike, the one that stole his weapon, and the one that nearly killed him out in those woods. He and his ban now having us cornered with nowhere else to run.
daryl loses you during the start of the apocalypse, and then he finds you again.
Daryl Dixon masterlist | @xoxo-sarah
My Wife | @/xoxo-sarah
I Found Yea, Bunny | @cultofdixon
Never did he think he’d find anyone to love him, then when someone did. The world ended
Shot in the Dark | @/cultofdixon
Andrea shouldn’t have been on top of that RV and shouldn’t have fired. She asked for what happened next
Falling for you…wasn’t meant to hurt | @/cultofdixon
The two of you grew close because the universe thought you were meant to be. But Daryl agreeing to let you help him find Carol’s daughter, he didn’t expect anything bad to happen
night shift | @nervoushottee
you keep Daryl company on a night watch
it happened quiet | @/nervoushottee
what you and Daryl have is a soft quiet love.
No-Nonsense | @angelicarlert
Big Sister | @/angelicarlert
With your second child on the way, you and Daryl are tasked with breaking the news to your daughter. Thankfully, your daughter was more than ecstatic at the prospect of a little sibling.
I Found You | @/angelicarlert
When the dead started to rise and the world went to hell, Daryl got seperated from you, the love of his life. After over a year of searching for you and finding no evidence of your survival, Daryl was beginning to give up and count his losses. One day, Carol stumbled upon a wounded woman while out on a run with Glenn, and the two of them decide to accept you into the prison. Little did they know, that would end up being one of the best decisions they could've ever made.
Always in My Way | @onlydarylnormanfic
Daryl has a thing for the reader but won’t admit it. He is always putting her down and calling her ‘kid’ even though the reader is only a year younger than him. They can’t seem to escape each other and are always assigned night duty together. One night during night duty Daryl finally makes his move and shows the reader just how much he wants her.
Reassurance | @rr-after-dark
With more survivors from Woodbury joining at the prison, Daryl decides he needs a tangible way to show you're his wife: A big flashy ring.
Masterlist | @theteasetwrites
Protector | @/theteasetwrites
A one-night stand with your brother's best friend, Shane, proves to be more trouble than it was worth when he develops a bit of a worrisome obsession with you, and your friend and confidant, Daryl, isn't too happy about it.
Soft Spot | @/theteasetwrites
Daryl finds his lady love injured in the woods after being separated, and everyone is surprised to find not only that Daryl has a girlfriend, but that he's very, very soft for her.
Is It Better To Speak or To Die? | @xwritingdixonx
After being rescued from Woodbury by Rick's group, you struggle with living a "normal" life in the walls of the prison. The trauma's inflicted on you at the hands of the Govenour drag you to the deepest depths. A certain archer is the onyl one who can drag you back out.
Eloquence | @optimist-pine
Bodyguard | @/optimist-pine
You need a bath, but there's no way you're going alone
To The Bone | @weretheones
You can’t stop shivering and Daryl can’t sleep.
All You Got | Masterlist | @/weretheones
Daryl Dixon hadn’t known much beyond anger and loneliness his whole life, until he found family at the end of the world. Everything he grew to care about was ripped away the day the prison fell; so when he recognized you, an enforcer of his loss, hiding in that cabin, he almost pulled the trigger. But after you end up saving his life, he couldn’t find the indifference to leave you for dead, even if you’d been on the Governor’s side.
Kiss Me | @secretlovezz
while you and Daryl are out on a run feelings are disruptively revealed
5 + 1 | @mvth3r
5 times daryl feels your affection down to his core and the many 1 time he unconsciously returns the favor
Listen before I go. | @r6eduss
Daryl leaves with Merle without thinking how it would affect you.
Poison For Some | @hidtired
Your deathly allergic to nuts and dinner in the prison leaves you running for medicine. Your abrupt departure confuses everyone, until your partner Daryl remembers of your allergies. Now it was 24 hours and you were no where to be found.
Love Burns | @/hidtired
Some way somehow you crawled your way back from death. All to get back into the arms of one man. Daryl and the rest of the group were taking your death hard, your death was gruesome. So your disheveled arrival back to them was unfathomable…
Miles Away | @/hidtired
A last minute trip leaves you separated from your fiancé when the world ends. Years of travel inevitably returns you to him. But years out in the world causes change.
Beat Yer Ass Into The Ground | @baseballbitch116
The former savior Justin makes a fatal mistake by pushing his luck with you.
Migraine | @lunajay33
You get frequent migraines but they’ve been mia since the apocalypse but even since you got to the farm they’ve returned but you didn’t wanna bother anyone until Daryl finds you balled up on the floor in pain
ink on skin | @mystic-writings
daryl gave up on the concept of soulmates long ago, even with the words marked on his wrist. and then he found you.
Family | @sc3ptre
Shower Thoughts, Water Falls | @leonslolita
Quite Badass | @emswritingsstuff
Home at Last | @/emswritingsstuff
After being left on the roof with Merle, you're separated from Daryl.
Peach Cobbler | @twd-bee3
Carol had asked the Dixons to bring something to the next group dinner which means that you are baking while Daryl dicks around in the kitchen.
Back Me | @magicalqueennightmare
You and Daryl form a friendship at the quarry camp
Approaches | @holdmytesseract
When Andrea mistakes Daryl for a walker and shots him, you are here to take care of the injured archer; causing the both of you to get closer...
Masterlist | @/holdmytesseract
There ain’t no competition Darlin, | @darylsgirl
reader has feelings for Daryl. And one Day Daryl brings an injured girl from the woods to the prison and becomes really close with her, which hurts the readers feelings. Also make the ending of your choice
Needs To Be Perfect | @angelicarlert
Bitch | @collecting-stories
You throw some choice words Andrea’s way as she heads out into the woods with Daryl, partially because you hate her and partially because you’re jealous
Last Night on Earth | @maggie-atwood
During your time with the Atlanta Camp, you form an unlikely friendship with the younger Dixon brother. When the group finds their way to the CDC, you feel safe enough to push past the lines of just friends.
imagine | @millermouth
A drunk Daryl grows uncharacteristically shy around you, forgetting for a moment that you're together.
In this chapter ~ When Rose and Maggie are taken by the Saviors, they must find a way out of the place where they're being held captive. The events of which would test their humanity and just how far they were willing to go in order to survive.
In my entire life, there hadn't been a single moment that felt like the one standing before me. Not one fragment where I had felt so utterly stupid and thoughtless. And someone holding a gun to my head until the sun came up, wasn't the reminder I necessarily needed.
Despite things not going according to plan, Maggie complying to stay behind was the glimpse of relief, before it all came collapsing down again.
A shuffling in the distance followed by a branch snapping beneath a boot is what initially tore our attention away from each other, watching a group of people emerge from the shadows with guns raised in our direction. Demanding us to get down on our knees and fork up every weapon we had. Being stuck between a rock and a hard place, we had no choice but to follow through with their demands, now pathetically waiting for them to figure out what they planned to do with us.
With the hours that passed, I could feel Maggie's gaze flickering toward me constantly, silently begging for me to look at her. But I wouldn't. I was angry, not just at myself for my carelessness, but for everyone accounted for as well, feeling my skin nearly prickling whenever the hairs on my arms began to stand with goosebumps. In my mind I knew there was only one way this could end; killing every last one of them for us to stay alive in the end. It was something I was prepared to do, silently waiting for an opening was the only thing I had been able to focus on.
"Lower your gun, prick."
I blinked rapidly when the woman in charge started speaking again, only it wasn't to us. Her eyes instead were focused out into the distance beyond the trees, binoculars glued to her face while speaking into the walkie.
"You, with the Colt Python. All of you lower your weapons right now." she demanded.
Rick. Shit. The group had probably just stepped a foot outside only to find out I had failed at the one job I was given. Five bucks says this bitch uses us in order to get our people to do whatever they damn well pleased.
The pause that came after seemed to last forever, before Rick's voice finally came in, "Come on out...let's talk."
"How many we got?" the older woman asked the leader with the red hair.
"Eight in sight." she said without taking her eyes off the group, "Too many."
The man beside her scoffed confidently, "Nah, we can take 'em. We've taken more."
Her head turned toward him for a moment, contemplating, before speaking into the device again, "We're not coming out, but we will talk." she declared before looking back toward us. "Names." she snapped.
Our lips remained sealed, not willing to give out any information as that would only give her ammo to use against us. But didn't take kindly to our silence, reaching down to pull her gun on us, "Names!"
"Maggie and Rose." Maggie answered quickly, and I couldn't hold back the small groan I exhaled. She wasn't about to shoot, not when she could use us. But clearly Maggie wasn't taking any chances, not after the small argument we had hours ago that shone a new light on her perspective.
The radio clicked, "We've got a Maggie and a Rose...I'm thinking that's something you wanna chat about. Now we're gonna work this out right now. And it's going to go our way."
Called it. I want my five bucks.
A heavy silence settled after she had mentioned our names, their attention all pointed toward where our group was surely digging deep to try and find some kind of solution. My eyes flicked around to see they were all momentarily distracted, taking the opportunity to shift a few steps backward. Testing the waters of how much they were able to see. But my movements halted when I heard a gun clicking, turning my head to see the blonde I had somehow missed amongst the others, holding her weapon straight at me. Preventing the attempt to sneak away.
"You can see we have one of yours." Rick broke the silence again, "We'll trade."
"I'm listening." the redhead replied.
"First I want to talk to Rose and Maggie, make sure they're alright."
Subtly was not his best quality, his worry for us practically written across his forehead for them to see. Red looked towards us, "I'm gonna put you on, you say you're fine. I'll know if you try anything else."
She walked towards Maggie first and held it out towards her so she could speak, "It's Maggie. We'll figure this ou-"
"Shut up." she mumbled before swiftly moving toward me, her look expectant.
I narrowed my eyes in a glare before leaning forward, "Rick, we're fine. I swear, I'll-"
She was quick to cut me off just as she did before and stepped away from us, feeling the gun that was continuously aimed in my direction now pressed against the temple of my head to ensure my silence.
"You have your proof, let's talk."
Rick huffed quietly, "This is the deal right here. Let 'em go? You can have your guy back and live."
"Two for one, that's not much of a trade." Red replied.
"Would you rather them kill him and leave you with nothing?" I spoke up.
"Do you ever shut up?" the blonde beside me nearly growled.
My head slowly turned to look at her properly, "Me...? Your people are the ones going round and round in circles all night, debating on whether it's worth your while to kill us. It's giving me a fucking headache."
The man took out his gun threateningly by the time my rant ended, "Shut her up, before I do it for you."
Before I could even process his words, my shirt was being yanked backward until I felt her body collide with mine, the coolness of a blade now being held right up to my throat so I could hardly move let alone speak. I could almost feel the smile on her face. My jaw clenched to hold back a small scoff, seeing Maggie was now looking at me as if I had lost my damn mind. Silently I knew I should've kept my mouth shut, but I wanted these people to know I wasn't scared of them. I needed to in fact. Just because they had the numbers and the upper hand didn't mean they had the guts.
"You don't have another choice, or you would've done something about it already." Rick finally responded.
"We have to get him back." the man said.
Red debated silently, "Primo can take care of himself."
"He's a doctor, and we don't got a lot of those. Whether you want to admit it or not, we need him." he said harshly, "You should've just shot these bitches, Paula. You lost your balls or something? You should've when you had the chance so they could hear them die."
"If you could just shut up, I'll solve this."
"Then make the deal or we go in." he argued.
"She said shut up, so shut it." the older woman scolded, "You should be glad she didn't have a sack of gonads to trip over."
I felt my eye nearly twitch in annoyance at the sound of them bickering yet again, "Jesus Christ- make up your damn mind and do it already." I said through gritted teeth.
A small hiss left my parted lips when I felt the knife slowly cut through the skin at the very base of my throat, the warm blood trickling down toward my shirt only moments later once she hit deep enough. "I told you to shut your mouth." she muttered in my ear.
"Look I know you're talking it over. It's a fair trade. Just come out, we do this, we all walk away." Rick attempted to convince.
"Smug prick." the older woman grunted, "He must think we're stupid."
"...Do we have a deal?" Rick asked.
"I'll get back to you." Paula informed, clicking the radio off and turning to nod silently to the blonde planted behind my frame.
The sharpness of the knife was removed in an instant which made me let out a small breath, my jacket then being pulled over my head to cover my face before I even had the chance to recover. Making the world momentarily go dark. I was then forced to move forward by the shove of a hand, guiding me across the woods whilst I tried desperately to memorize everything I could manage to see through the fabric. The hand gripped my upper arm tight when directing me with every turn, but all I could focus on was trying to pinpoint Maggie.
I prayed they wouldn't split us up, the uncertainty of her safety would surely make me falter more than my own. Knife at my throat, gun to my head, it didn't matter what they did to me. But when it came down to her, I knew that's what would make my exterior crumble.
In a flurry of franticness, they managed to bond my wrists together with a long strip of duct tape, thick enough I couldn't break through, before shoving me in the back of some kind of van. The doors closing with a harsh slam and making the last bit of sunlight vanish.
"Rose?" Maggie whispered, keeping her voice low so they wouldn't hear.
I breathed a sigh of relief, "I'm here, Mags."
"Oh, thank God." her voice echoed. The vehicle then shifted beneath us to signal its departure; and guaranteed we were truly alone. "Are you alright?"
A displeased huff left my lips as I tried to sit up straight, whoever was driving making it near impossible with all the sharp turns. "I'm fine."
"She cut your throat." she protested, worry evident in her voice.
"It was nothing. Just a scratch."
The lie tasted bitter on my tongue, knowing full well I could still feel the wetness of the blood against the collar of my shirt. But surely she spared me enough so I wouldn't bleed out anytime soon. That would just be too easy.
Maggie's voice shook just slightly when she finally pushed herself to ask the dreaded question, "What are we going to do?"
I paused for a brief moment before shaking my head, "We fight. And make sure none of them come after us in the end."
The unspoken truth to my words weighted heavy in the air between us, but I knew she wouldn't be the one to protest. To hesitate. If anything, she'd always been the one I could count on most of all.
Suddenly the car then came to a complete halt, so abrupt that my body jerked forward at the harsh slam of the brakes. The ride had only been ten minutes at the most from the outpost, two lefts and three rights if I had counted correctly to somewhat keep tabs on where they were taking us. Hearing the doors swing open, the two of us were then being dragged out and pushed to move on once again. And my hood moving just enough to where I could see a sliver of the ground just below my feet.
They didn't allow us to linger outside for very long before we came to a stop in front of some kind of building, hearing a brief noise of keys jingling before a latch was unlocked and the metal door opened up for us to walk through. Our footsteps echoed down the long hallway that seemed almost endless, my gaze constantly panning toward the floor to try and remember every detail of what I was able to see. And then something caught my eye. It seemed to happen in slow motion as we passed it by, there on the ground was a room labeled, "The Kill Floor."
Perfect.
More twists and turns were taken before they shoved us into an empty room, only then did they remove my hood once we were trapped like animals. The brightness made my eyes squint, blinking repeatedly when Paula placed herself before me with her weapon pointed.
"Sit down." she hissed, "You, right there." she gestured from me, to the corner of the room that was placed conveniently near the door.
Wordlessly I backed up to slide down the wall where she pointed like a goddamn dog, my hands still tied uncomfortably in front of me. I watched as she directed Maggie to the opposite side of the room, ripping the fabric of her jacket off her head before forcing her down just as she did to me. They made quick work of tying a gag around both of our mouths to keep us quiet before moving for our legs to wrap them up with tape. Ensuring we wouldn't be moving anytime soon. The blonde woman, who I learned was named Jess, took great pleasure in shoving the cloth in between my lips.
"You're wondering if there's a way out of this, there isn't. Not unless I say so." Paula stated once she stood back up to her full height.
Yes, there was. There always was. I now understood why they wanted to silence us so badly; to listen to the sound of their own voices without receiving any kind of rebuttal.
The two began clearing the room that was once full of dead walkers, leaving streaks of blood behind on the floor with each and every body they dragged out the door. But it wasn't long before there was more commotion from outside our room, familiar moans and snarls sounding from throughout the building led me to assume this place was crawling with them. Then came the frantic calls for backup, gunfire following not long after. Paula seemed to wrestle with herself on which side to stay on before groaning loudly in exaggeration and heading back toward the doorway.
"I want to kill you both right now, it's taking all I have not to. So go ahead I dare you, try something and see what happens." the harsh threat left her lips not long after the slam of the door, the lock clicking into place.
The instant she was gone I began scanning all over the room to try and find something, anything, to cut this damn tape off. But clearly this wasn't their first rodeo. The space was almost entirely empty with no kind of weak spot in sight, vaguely reminding me of that one freaky ass Saw movie. However, just as I began to think there was nothing of use, I spotted a somewhat sharp tile at the corner of the wall I was leaning against. Immediately I raised my arms to drag the tape back and forth against it to try and make some kind of dent in the material, enough to make a white mark over the dark gray color.
But I didn't have much time before the shots from the other side of these walls suddenly stopped, the atmosphere growing silent with the majority of the walkers now taken care of. I quickly sat back in place before they were able to burst through the doors, slipping my hands between my thighs so they couldn't spot my attempts at breaking free.
The door swinging open with a slam made the both of us flinch, Paula scrambling inside first whilst harboring a man at her side who was clearly injured. "When's the last time anyone checked this place?"
"It was fine a month ago!" Jess claimed.
The older woman scoffed, "Sweetie that was a month ago. Shit hardens quick. The guns gone bye-bye, the food's gone bye-bye, and we got growlers up and down the halls."
Michelle and Paula managed to lower the man to the ground who only managed to bitch and moan louder all while clutching his bleeding limb. Spewing insults about our group right in front of us as if it were somehow our fault they were stuck in this shithole. Bouncing ideas back and forth on whether or not to lure them out here just to kill them like we did to their people last night, only I couldn't help but focus on the waver that settled in their voices. Clearly we had made some kind of statement that stuck with them.
But my lack of flinching over every threat that left their mouths didn't go unnoticed by Paula. Her eyes narrowed as she studied my face, before surprising me by striding over to get down on my level, ripping the gag from my mouth.
"Are you not afraid to die?"
Her tone sounded as if she couldn't believe it, that I was so emotionless when it came to the brutal reality that there was a chance of death involving the two of us.
When I didn't give an answer like she wanted, she scoffed, reaching up to tug a handful of my hair and pulling her gun toward Maggie. "What about her, hm?"
I didn't move; I didn't even flicker away from her face as I remained completely silent. Trying not to show how much something like that would affect me. But something about the smug look that morphed onto her features told me my eyes held something deeper than what I was willing to reveal.
"I don't give a shit about what happens to me." I snapped lowly, "But you won't lay a hand on her."
"Why's that?" she asked without missing a beat.
My jaw clenched at her attempts to get some kind of answers out of us, one that didn't even matter in the end. But she apparently was determined, moving from me to Maggie in a blink of an eye to then tug the fabric from her mouth to signal for her to speak.
Maggie glanced up at her for only a moment, before silently muttering, "I'm pregnant."
That quiet admission made me freeze right where I sat. I couldn't tell whether I should feel panic or relief. Depending on the kind of people you're dealing with, there was a fine line between how they would react to something like that. It could potentially save us judging by how much humanity these people had left. She was just trying to protect herself, protect her baby, but part of me feared they wouldn't care. That they would take pleasure in killing both of us off anyway and even have a laugh about it later down the road.
Paula's eyes widened, "Wow..."
"Yeah, right." Jess scoffed in disbelief, eyeing her up and down as if trying to pinpoint any kind of curve or bump.
"She got a bun in the oven, and she doesn't even look it."
Maggie sighed, "I'm only a few weeks along."
Paula cocked her head to the side, "You're some kind of stupid getting knocked up at a time like this." Her careless comment earned a scoff from Maggie, licking her lips as if to prevent herself from saying something she may regret. "You think that's funny?" Paula asked.
"When was it ever smart to get knocked up?" Maggie asked as she tried to fight back the anger raising to the brim, "Women used to just die in childbirth, and they always thought the world was gonna end. Living through it, why would you just give up?"
"Are you gonna live through it?"
"Doctors are still around," I chimed in, "You should know, you have one yourself. She'll be fine."
She glanced back at me with that same cocky smile, thinking she knew everything. "It's cute how you both believe that."
Those words left a stinging sensation in my heart, her presence easily gliding back out of the room as I stewed over them long after she was gone. Everyone else left standing in their corners as we eyed each other obviously. Though I almost preferred the silence in place of Red's opinion she continued to preach, something that none of us even asked for. It was clear that even her own people were growing tired of her mouth, the tension in the room easing just slightly the moment she stepped away.
The older woman, Molly, stood tall near the door out of the corner of my eye, digging around in her pocket for a moment before pulling out a cigarette to light up. She easily inhaled the nicotine with a small wheeze, filling up the enclosed space as she did so which only made my irritation spike. But of course, she didn't stop there. Her figure pacing around the room whilst she puffed without a care, exhaling the smoke right near Maggie with a low but violent cough.
"She's pregnant." I reminded sternly.
She merely laughed at my statement which only then turned into another pathetic gasp before she huffed, "Honey, in case you haven't noticed, you've got bigger problems than a little secondhand smoke."
My eyes narrowed, "Do me a favor and take that problem off my plate since you can't inhale it anyway."
Molly's eyes glared right back at me, surprised I had the balls to go toe to toe with her. But then, it was her turn to surprise me. A sound of annoyance left her before she dropped the cigarette to the ground, stomping on it with a little extra force to make it known she wasn't exactly happy about the action.
"Y'all are worse than a bunch of evangelical second graders." she mumbled under her breath, the words barely registering before she began coughing harshly yet again.
My eyes followed as she brought a cloth up to cover her mouth, practically hacking up half a lung in the process. "Those things will kill you." I voiced.
"They already have." she claimed before holding up the white material now coated with a splatter of blood, "I'm a dead woman walking...which puts us in exactly the same boat."
Maybe that were true, we all reach the ends of our ropes at some point. But I wasn't going to let today be the day for us. No matter the extents. Everyone else occupying the space might as well be dead already, hell, the man still hunched in the corner with the infected arm was more at risk than anyone else. Slowly growing angrier and more impatient with how fast his fever grew.
"You know what I think?" he suddenly spoke up as he shoved himself off the wall, "I think this never would've happened to me in the first place if we would've just killed them both!"
The door swung open by the time he reached the end of his sentence, Paula rolling her eyes as she entered, "Shut up."
"Don't push me, Paula." the man warned.
Her defiance only grew when she raised her own voice to challenge him, his eyes growing darker as he reached his breaking point. In a flash he shot up and smacked her across the face, watching as she hit the ground with a loud smack before his eyes suddenly flickered toward me. Taking out his knife.
"Leave her alone!" Maggie shouted before kicking her legs out to knock him off his feet.
I called her name to try and stop her, but he had already fallen face first on the ground. Though it didn't take him long to shoot back up again, spinning around to grab her by her hair which caused her to cry out. Pulling his knife back and angling her head. My eyes grew before I sprung forward to tug his legs back as best as I could to bring him down, his grip on her easing when he stumbled yet again.
Clumsily did he get back up to see me lying on my side, unable to sit up fast enough before he sent a harsh kick into my stomach. The wind was instantly knocked out of me as he delivered the action over and over, before the pain suddenly subsided. I slowly opened my eyes to see Paula had knocked him out cold with the butt of her gun, seemingly having enough of his shit.
"You really are some kind of stupid." Paula breathed as she glanced towards Maggie, rubbing over the spot where she was hit just moments ago, "Take her out and see if she knows anything."
My eyes widened as I watched Michelle guide her to stand from off the floor, my body struggling to get up and protesting in every way while I caught my breath. "No- no, don't take her!"
"Oh, shut up, she's not gonna kill her." Jess said with a roll of her eyes, pushing me back against the wall so I would sit still. "They're just going to have a little chat."
I caught Maggie's gaze just before she was forced through the door, simply shaking her head as she sent me the most reassuring look she could manage. Silently swearing she wouldn't utter a word. But it brought me a feeling of uncertainty. If she wasn't going to talk, they might make her talk. And yet, it just gave me more motivation to get the fuck out of here.
"Have you thought about it? Talk to me." Rick's voice abruptly came in through the radio clipped to Paula's belt.
Jess paused cleaning the cut on Paula's cheek, giving her the chance to pull away and reach for the device, "You weren't listening. I said I'd contact you."
"Would it make a difference if I said I was sorry about that?" he asked.
"What do you think?"
"I think we're gonna make the trade. Tell me where." Rick demanded.
Paula began to pace around the room slowly, clutching the tissue to her bleeding flesh, "We haven't agreed to that."
"You will." Rick promised, the static slowly becoming clearer on his end.
"Hm, I'm not so sure. We'd be taking most of the risk not getting much in the way of a reward."
"The other option won't work out for you."
She paused for a moment, "We'll take our chances." she muttered before shutting off the walkie, placing it back where it belonged.
I found myself scoffing after listening to the conversation, the back and forth banter between the two. But the breath of air that left my lungs seemed to immediately catch the attention of the three women left in the room. Each and every one of them looking at me expectantly now.
"Something funny?" Paula tilted her head.
I pressed my lips together before raising my gaze to meet hers, "I think you're the one who's some kind of stupid." I repeated the words right back to her, watching as her expression slowly dropped. "If you don't take this deal...you're all gonna die. Whether they track you down to finish the job or if I have to do it myself, that's how it'll end up."
They all were left looking at me in silent anger, but that didn't stop me from wagering, "Or...you can just let us go. Take your man back and get this asshole some help," I nodded to the unconscious man on the floor, "But in the end it's all up to what you do next."
"Your people killed all of my people. Of course we gotta fight!" Molly snapped.
I shook my head, "We didn't want to."
"But you did..." Paula corrected, "Why?"
"It was you who started this," I spoke lowly, "Your ban of assholes ambushed my group out on the road. They were going to kill them, over nothing. Take everything they had just for the hell of it. The consequences of your own actions, it stings doesn't it?"
A brief silence passed over us as they processed my words, Molly letting out a breath, "Well, damn. Now we know what happened to T's group. Those idiots probably put on a big show."
Paula shrugged, "Okay, fair play. But see, your people killed them on the road, right? Blew them to pieces...so, why not stop?"
"They said they were working for Negan. And once that name was mentioned to us more than once, we knew it was more than familiar."
"And what do you think you know about Negan?" Jess questioned.
I shrugged, "From what we were told...he sounded like a fucking maniac. The people in my community were scared. So, we had to stop him."
Molly chuckled then, "Sweetie, sweetie...we are all Negan."
That phrase was enough to send goosebumps all over my body. Dreadfully confirming that I had been right about this all along. It wasn't going to be as simple as the Hilltop made it out to be, making me feel as though there was a bigger storm brewing that none of us were able to see.
"What the hell does that mean?" I huffed quietly, "Is it like...some kind of cult? You all take turns pleasing him in one way or another and then take his name afterwards?"
They genuinely laughed at my assumption, Paula looking back toward me with a small smile, "No...but when I became part of that group, it saved my life. I lost everything...and it still made me stronger in the end."
"You sure about that?"
She faltered for a moment, catching my tone of voice before her fake persona came back onto her features, "I'm alive. Surviving."
"With those people? Those killers?" I asked.
"Your people are killers too, Rose. That makes you a killer." she stated matter-of-factly before pacing the room yet again.
I fell silent when taking in her words, the impact of them. Maybe I was a killer. Maybe the world had truly sunk its claws into me and turned me into something unrecognizable. Something we all had to become in order to survive. These people had said a lot of crazy things today, and yet they didn't seem to tell a single lie.
But then I realized the biggest one of all.
"You...you're the one." I whispered to myself.
"Excuse me?" she asked.
My eyes panned up to her again, "You're the one who's afraid to die. You're the one...who's afraid of me."
Her expression shifted, eyes looking me up and down while her teeth clenched together. Telling me I hadn't been one to lie either. She scoffed dismissively, "Oh, yeah? Are you going to kill me?"
I shook my head slowly, "It won't have to come to that. Not if you work this out. But you better work fast."
She stared at me for a moment before scoffing again and turned herself to face away from me. Forcing herself to think about what I said, pondering over it repeatedly as if they would magically change. But I had figured her out, and it scared her.
Paula's hand then grasped the radio, hesitantly bringing it to her mouth with a loud sigh, "Hey asshole, you there?"
I felt myself slowly ease back into the wall watching her make her decision. She had fallen for it.
"I'm here." Rick voice came through after a few seconds.
"We wanna take the deal." she muttered, almost regrettably. "There's a large field with a sign that says "God is dead" about two miles down I-66. Good visibility in all directions."
"We'll meet you there. Ten minutes?"
"Ten minutes." she confirmed before clicking it back off. A beat passed. Before she unexpectedly started shaking her head, "No... that was too easy."
"Maybe they're just itching to get their people back." Molly pointed out.
"No, there was no static, there should've been static. They're close, they're probably already here. We were careful but there were tracks, there had to be." she muttered to herself.
I felt myself smile. Daryl.
"They killed everybody back home, they have the weapons, they know what they're doing. They're probably waiting to kill us as soon as we walk out those doors."
"No," I quickly interrupted, knowing I had to change her mind, "He wouldn't put Maggie and I at risk like that, you're overthinking this."
"Then he's just as stupid as you are." she snapped, turning the knob on the walkie to speak to someone else about the new plan. Slight panic in her tone while talking to the man who was close to the location, telling him to bring backup before declaring they were moving out while grabbing her bag from off the ground.
Jess and Molly followed after her like lost puppies out of the room, slamming the door shut and leaving me completely alone. Only this time, I didn't hear a lock. The opportunity that fell directly into my lap I knew I couldn't waste. In an instant I scooted back toward the tile and raised my arms again, rubbing the tape back and forth as fast as I was able to move, my eyes flickering toward the door every few seconds whenever it grew too quiet for comfort. It wasn't long before the tape dulled, giving me the chance to tear right through.
With my hands free, I reached down and ripped away the tape around my legs, tossing it carelessly aside before standing straight up. I stepped quietly toward the door, looking out the small window to make sure it was clear before slowly turning my head back toward the man still lying unmoving on the hard ground. Noticing the rise and fall of his back had unexpectedly stopped. Surely, he wouldn't need his knife now, right?
The handle of the blade was clutched tightly in my grasp as I walked carefully down the corridor, straining my ears for any sounds nearby. Every room I passed was checked thoroughly as I tried to track down where they were keeping Maggie, searching for any kind of indication on how far they had taken her. And I didn't miss the unmistakable sound of walkers nearby, making my movements all the more careful as I had to look out for the living and the dead.
Stalking up to the next threshold, I looked in to see a room with number of barrels lining the walls, seemingly full of water as a figure in the corner leaned down to splash some of it on their face to recenter themselves. I subtly held my breath in hopes to pass by without making a peep, but the sound of Molly coughing as she neared the end of the hall made me tense. With my eyes frantically glancing back and forth, I finally bit the bullet and silently slipped into the room before I was noticed by her, shutting the door with the faintest of creaks.
My eyes peeked through the window enough to see the top of her head slowly walk in the opposite direction, leaving me unspotted. That is until I reluctantly took a glance over my shoulder to see Jess staring at me with widened eyes, now trapped in the same room together with no limitations. We both just stared at each other for what felt like minutes. Before I abruptly lunged toward her with a swing of my knife.
She let out a grunt as she caught my arm just before the sharp edge could pierce her flesh, using all her strength to try and wrestle it out of my grasp. My biceps flexed greatly as I planted my feet, wiggling one of my wrists free long enough to lay a harsh hit to the side of her head which nearly knocked her sideways. The sounds of our struggling grew harsher and louder when she shoved me into the nearest wall to use her other hand to wrap around my throat, my grasp tightly holding her forearm in attempts to pry her away. I felt the surge of adrenaline coursing through my body when my right arm shook violently with every jolt of the knife, all just barely out of reach. But the moment I felt my head begin to tingle, I quickly knocked my face directly into hers, hard enough that she stumbled back and tripped over her own feet right into the wooden barrel.
With her hands finally off of me I huffed out a breath, tossing the weapon aside with a clatter and instead grabbing her by her yellow hair. I tugged her upward which only led her to dig her nails into my flesh to loosen my grip, but I didn't flinch, instead I walked her toward the edge of the barrel before using both my hands to shove her head beneath the surface. Her arms and legs began to flail around but she couldn't break away from the hold I had above her, pushing my entire weight onto her shoulders to keep her in place with a ragged exhale. The water began to splash and spill from the sides onto the floor and soaking my shirt almost completely through, my jaw set the whole time.
Feeling her body become limp sent some kind of numbness through my system that I tried to shake off, pulling her face out of the water to let her fall to the ground. I fought to catch my breath for a moment, smoothing a hand over where she had once held my neck before I looked toward where I had discarded the knife, reaching for it again before leaving the room completely soundless.
One down.
I tried to stay on alert as I navigated through the rest of the building, careful with every turn I made. Though it wasn't long before I finally found Maggie alone in a small room, trying to free herself from the restraints she still had. Relief filled my chest, taking one last look over my shoulder in paranoia before quickly unlocking the room to step inside. Her head snapped up in my direction, but the panic she felt instantly faded upon realizing it was me, and I didn't hesitate to help rip the remaining tape off her hands.
"You okay?" I asked quietly.
She nodded, briefly taking in my soaked appearance, "I'm fine, they didn't hurt me."
"Good." I exhaled before finally freeing her wrists, "They're spread out, but I think we can make it past them."
"We can't leave them alive." she said.
I nodded slowly in agreement, "Way ahead of you."
With a plan somewhat in action, we moved fast.
The two of us jogged back toward the room where we were once held in, our footsteps completely soundless admis the chaos still erupting from all around. The door closed quietly behind us with just a crack left to the outside, taking the dead man by his arms and dragging him to the corner of the room while Maggie took hold of his feet. Using the rope I snagged from their stash of supplies, we tied him up by his neck to keep him somewhat in place and yet just out of reach, knowing it was only a matter of time before someone came back.
In the process of tightening the knots, it was clear the man was turning, lulling his head back and forth as he gained consciousness once again. Even as going as far as lunging for me just as I was done locking him in place, making me flinch with a small huff.
"Don't be an asshole." I muttered.
It was then we heard someone approaching from outside, our eyes widening in anticipation before we quickly scrambled to a hidden corner of the room just before we were seen. Waiting for whoever it was to step in. I raised a hand over my mouth to silence my breathing when the door swung open roughly, hearing Molly's familiar voice curse to herself when she quickly realized I had escaped. But she didn't have much time to linger on the thought before the walker reached around the door to leap out and sink its teeth into the side of her arm.
She screamed in terror, her blood spraying all over the nearest wall from the deep bite before she took out her knife to slash him in the head. Her ragged voice yelling and swearing once she recognized who it was, connecting the dots in her head as I watched her reflection spin around to do another scan of the room.
"I know you're in here." she growled, stepping around the space cautiously, "Come out, now!"
When her figure finally aligned with the gap in our hiding place, I was prepared to step forward when she was least expecting it. But instead, Maggie held out a hand for me to stay put. I hesitated, but didn't have much time to protest before she was stepping around me to sneak toward the woman, swiftly wrapping an arm around her shoulders while the other went for her hand that held her weapon. Turning the blade around so she could bring it down forcefully and stab her in the side of her abdomen. Molly cried out again in agony, instinctively falling to her knees which gave Maggie the opportunity she needed to pull the knife from her hand and stab her in the side of the head. Not even giving her the chance to turn.
Two.
I stepped out of the snug space the moment it went silent, coming forward to get down and search her body for anything else useful. Finding a gun strapped to her hip with a full chamber along with her cigarettes and lighter she couldn't seem to live without.
"Let's go." I signaled, not sparing the old bitch a second glance before we were moving again.
We stayed glued to each other's side when retracing our steps from what we were able to remember when they first brought us inside. The many complicated twists and turns we were forced to memorize to have even a fighting chance of escaping this place ourselves. But the oncoming noise of walkers made me grow puzzled. Turning the corner to see numbers of corpses lined up against the walls with metal poles puncturing them to keep them held in place, watching as they reached out for us the moment they caught even the slightest hint of our smell.
"They're using them to try and keep us in." I voiced out loud.
Maggie absentmindedly nodded her head, "Come on..."
She walked with determination in her step, moving to stab the first walker that was closest to us to force our way through the small gap. However, that's when a series of gunshots fired out from behind us, the sound making me instantly shield her body in front of me before we fell behind a nearby metal sheet. Protecting ourselves from the flying bullets. The clicking in attempt to reload came next, daring to peek over the barrier to see Paula, seeming to have run out of bullets as she groaned before tossing the weapon carelessly to the side.
I took my chance, pushing myself to stand and pull the gun out to fire a bullet into her kneecap, watching the way her body fell to the ground like a rock. Maggie was quick to follow my lead from behind upon seeing she was now defenseless, my foot kicking the knife out of her hand before pulling her up to slam her back against the wall. Pushing my forearm against her throat to keep her in place.
"You should've listened to me." I snapped, adding more pressure to her airway, "Call off your fucking people before it's too late for them too."
Her eyes narrowed, struggling to maintain her composure, "Fuck you."
My teeth clenched at her breathy response, my left hand coming down to squeeze her knee harshly to where she screamed. Her blood smearing over my palm. "Call them off!"
I watched her head fall back against the wall in aching discomfort, yet she still didn't say a word or even attempt to comply. Out of the corner of my eye, Maggie was more than ready to put a bullet in her head if she wouldn't talk, but the call of another voice made all three of us freeze.
"Paula?"
It was Michelle.
I covered Paula's mouth before she could make a sound, bringing the knife up over her throat instead as I took a glance back at Maggie. She nodded at me with a raise of her hand, silently telling me to stay put before stalking in the other direction. The air grew still amongst the roaring walkers just out of reach, my eyes never once moving from her face as if silently daring her to try something else. It was then I came to realize she was right all along; we weren't that different her and I. But because of our loyalty to the ones we love, it instead forced us to be on completely different sides.
When I heard a crash in the distance my head whipped over my shoulder to try and get a grasp on what was happening, the two of them clearly fighting for the upper hand. I didn't think twice before letting her go and sprinting down the hall to help Maggie. At this point I didn't care what happened to Paula; not when she didn't have anything left.
By the time I found where the ruckus was coming from, the woman was coming at Maggie with a knife, swiping the blade right across her stomach ad tearing a hole in her shirt. The panic on her face that came afterward made me immediately step forward. Taking the gun, I shot Michelle in the side of the head before she could even notice my presence, feeling no kind of remorse in my chest when watching her drop.
Three.
The moment it registered she was dead, I quickly rushed toward Maggie, my hands gently grasping her arms, "Are you-"
"She missed." she reassured me with a shaky nod, "I'm okay."
A weight was lifted from me, nodding in return before I let her go. Slowly turning back to finish what we had started.
I didn't know how far she ran, if she even ran at all. But if my thoughts earlier had been true about the two of us, I knew then she would fight with everything she had until the end. Turning around every corner with caution, I couldn't spot her anywhere under the darkened lights hanging above our heads. Making me think that just for a moment that maybe she had scampered off like a coward.
But just as I allowed myself to believe it for a split second, she emerged from behind the corner without warning, shoving me against the wall and knocking the gun from my grasp. I struggled against her, our arms flailing back and forth, before I managed a grip around her throat and harshly shoved her head into the pipes beside us. She groaned loudly at the dizzying feeling, her falter enough for me to shove her away from my frame long enough to see Maggie skidding to her knees to grab the gun.
Although there wasn't much time in between before she was coming at me again, my fist connecting with her jaw before I spotted the rusty pipe sticking out of the wall just behind her. My eyes widened with realization, grasping her by her shoulders and using my foot to kick her back forcefully into the jagged metal, sharp enough to pierce through her back and protrude out of her stomach. She screamed bloody murder until her face was red, Maggie and I both having a far off look to our eyes as we watched her slowly die. Terrified to see the bright light at the end of the tunnel.
Four.
"Paula, we're approaching the perimeter. Are we a go?" the radio crackled on her belt, the male voice unfamiliar to me.
I gazed from her face to the device a handful of times before shakily reaching for it, taking a few beats before raising it up to my lips. "The hostages...they escaped. Hurry up. We'll find them."
There was a beat of silence, and I held my breath subtly. "Copy that." he finally responded.
Darkness nearly consumed us as we waited, a tiny crack of light illuminating just enough to keep an eye on the door. Mindlessly I took a cigarette from the carton kept safely in my pocket, leaning down toward the lighter to ignite a flame to the end of it, a cloud of smoke bellowing out not a second after. A series of footsteps trailed inside the building like a marching band, in sync and precise.
"Careful, the floor's slick."
I blinked slowly as I inhaled another puff, listening to the few of them debate on whether or not they were in the right place. If they should try reaching her again after the connection went cold. Their debate didn't go on for much longer before I decided to finally silence their voices, moving out from the small room where we were once hidden before closing the door to the kill floor, trapping them inside. But not before dropping the cigarette at the very last moment, lighting up the gasoline we had poured onto the floor.
The screams that followed were terrorizing and painful, Maggie and I standing there in utter silence with our backs to the door, not daring to look through the window to face the reality of what we had done. She gripped my hand tightly when the sounds intensified, pounding on the door in a desperate manner with whatever strength they had left before turning into nothing. Ashes. I didn't feel good about what we had to do. But I would much rather live with it than live without Maggie. Every decision I made, everyone I had to kill, was to keep her safe.
Finally we were able to peel ourselves away from the scene once we were reassured they were truly gone, walking hand and hand to find the exit. Passing around the growing smoke and right through the walker barriers, along with the dead bodies on the floor that we left behind like some kind of mark.
By the time we stumbled across the front doors after mindless searching, they were already being pushed open from the outside, causing us to instinctively raise our weapons at whoever was on the other side. Only to be met with Glenn, the tension on his features immediately easing upon seeing us both alive.
"Oh my God." he gasped, instantly discarding his weapon to wrap an arm around each of us in a tight embrace.
I slowly felt myself relax against him in what seemed like slow motion, pressing my face against his shoulder before registering the sound of the others following in just behind him. Managing to gather the rest of my strength to lift my head, my eyes immediately connected with Daryl whose face was still flushed with panic. He rushed forward not a second later, causing me to pull away from Glenn just enough to crash into his arms with a heavy breath. His arms were like a vice grip around my frame, like he was somehow trying to take away all the pain and suffering I had to endure with just one embrace.
"We followed yer trail." he mumbled into my hair.
I hummed quietly, "I know."
He broke away just enough to cradle my face delicately in his hands, "You okay?" he asked quietly, taking in my appearance. My clothes were bloody and wet, my face surely didn't look much better, and then his eyes landed on the scrape across my neck that I had completely forgotten about. "What happened?"
"Hm?" I blinked, trying to process what he was referring to. "Oh, it's nothing."
Upon seeing my dazed response, his brows furrowed even more if that were possible, sighing softly before bringing me back into his hold again. Allowing me to bury my face in his chest. I on the other hand couldn't be bothered to worry about what happened here, I was just relieved that it was finally over and we could all finally go home. Away from this place that would be in the back of my mind forever.
I felt a hand on my shoulder, standing up straight to look over and see Rick scanning me from head to toe. "You alright?"
I nodded slowly, "I am now."
He gave me a small squeeze in response, turning back to look toward the man they still had captive. Now standing frozen in awe of the damage we had done to this place. "Your friends are dead. No one's coming for you. So, you might as well talk."
"Let him burn." Daryl grumbled lowly, his arm tightening around my waist.
"I'm gonna ask you one more time...how'd you get the bike?" Rick asked the man.
He only shook his head, "We...we found it."
"Like hell ya did." Daryl snapped slightly, not believing a single word out of the man's mouth.
"We found it!" he repeated louder than before, as if that would make us believe him.
"Was Negan in that building last night, or was he here?" Rick asked.
The man slowly looked toward Rick, a smile growing on his face. Similar to the way Molly looked at me. "Both...I'm Negan, shithead. And there's a whole world of fun that we can talk about. So, let's have a chat."
"I'm sorry it had to come to this." Rick grumbled before taking out his gun and shooting him between his eyes.
Watching him drop to the ground companied with the gunshot left a ringing in my ears. Even though Maggie and I were safe and everyone who tried to hurt us was dead, I still couldn't shake the feeling I had. Something was screaming at me, telling me it wasn't over yet though there wasn't anyone left. Unless...maybe there was.
In this chapter ~ Time passes, seasons morph, but one thing that reigns true is your past cannot escape you. After reliving childhood memories of the church, Rose has a heart to heart with her father about what the future holds. For both of them.
Sunday.
Supposedly the day of rest.
When in reality, it was the one day Christians got up at the ass crack of dawn to worship, pray, and sing. Accompanied by taking a sip of red wine in hopes to cleanse their sinful souls.
I wasn't one to go to church, mostly because the idea of reliving something traumatic from my childhood didn't seem all that appealing to me. But it was most definitely important to my family. Sometimes I questioned how I was even related to them. Easter, Christmas, and everything else in between, they were dressed nicely and present at nine am sharp to read the same kind of gospel in exchange for their one way ticket to heaven. It wasn't often that I found myself jumping at the opportunity to attend, mostly because now I actually had the option to decline. But despite my newfound freedom as an adult, I still somehow got roped into it from time to time as my mother had always been the queen of manipulation.
However, I still found some kind of way to stick it to the man.
My eyes scanned through the sea of elderly people as they walked leisurely through the parking lot, leaned back against my old beat-up car while I drank from the plastic coffee cup in my grasp. This bunch of them looked just as bitter as the last, their judging eyes and high noses were the only kind of indicator I needed to recognize the stick shoved up their asses. I grew up knowing these people, and yet they always looked at me now like I was some kind of stranger. Like I had betrayed each and every one of them simply by not attending as often as I used to. Although, the stares could also have something to do with what I was wearing.
A simple black top that was cut low enough to show the smallest hint of cleavage, a patterned skirt that sat just above my knees, paired with some high heeled boots. To these people I probably looked like some kind of prostitute. But hey, that was the goal.
It wasn't long before I spotted the familiar car arrive into the lot and pull around to park right next to me, causing my stance to straighten a bit. The glare on my mother's face was gold from the moment she stepped out of the car.
"What are you wearing?" she asked pointedly.
"Oh, this old thing?" I huffed, momentarily smoothing down the fabric of my blouse, "Just something I threw together. Wanted to look nice for the man upstairs."
Her expression somehow morphed into something even less amused than before, "The things you find humorous will never fail to astound me."
"Hey, you told me to show up, and I did. Beautiful day to be thankful isn't it?"
She rolled her eyes at me before waving a hand to signal she was done entertaining this interaction, already fussing over Charlie's hair once she noticed all the flyway's sticking up in every direction. Apparently riding to church with the windows down was now frowned upon. My gaze then traveled back to the driver's side when I heard the door shut with a brief slam, seeing my dad instantly brought a smile to my face. It had been too long since I had even caught a glimpse of him let alone spent a whole afternoon in his presence.
To any outsider that didn't know him, they may have been slightly intimidated upon first glance. He stood tall at six foot two and was probably pushing about two hundred and eighty pounds give or take, all while wearing an expression that screamed not to fuck with him. That must've been where I inherited my resting bitch face from. But the second he saw me, his features broke out into the cheesiest grin you could possibly imagine, changing his demeanor in an instant. My dad could be tough when he wanted to, but the other ninety-nine percent of the time, he was a giant teddy bear.
"There's my Rosie Posie." he said with excitement, coming around the car to easily scoop me up into his arms in a much needed hug.
I squealed when he spun me around a few times, laughing happily whilst I clung onto him like I was suddenly five again. He always used to greet me like this whenever he'd come home from a long business trip as if holding onto me longer would make up for all the lost time. And even to this day, it still seemed to do the trick.
Eventually he put me down before I could get too dizzy, still smiling widely as he briefly pinched my chin and finally got a good look at me to which my mother unsurprisingly scoffed.
"Do you two really have to make that kind of scene here? I wish you could muster up that kind of encouragement when you greet me."
My brows furrowed, "Well, we wouldn't want to ruin your ironed shirts." I responded dryly.
Dad fought to keep the amused smile from creeping onto his face, instead squeezing my shoulders to divert my attention, "How're you doing, kiddo? Heard you just started training at the academy a few weeks ago."
"Yeah, I did." I nodded, "Everything's...pretty much going according to plan. It's all good. Really good."
He smiled when hearing that, smoothing his hand over my hair, "Good."
"Lee," my mother complained again when she was finished adjusting Charlie's appearance, "You have plenty of time to catch up with your daughter, right now we're going to be late."
"Alright, alright, let's get moving." he easily complied just as he always did, wrapping an arm around my frame to tug me along as if he thought I would try and make a run for it. Years later he still knew me well.
The four of us fell in step with the small group of stragglers that were walking toward the main entrance, slipping inside one by one through the narrow doors and hearing the hymnals already beginning to play inside the sanctuary. It somehow looked exactly the same, like no time had passed, the dust collecting on the window ceils hadn't moved an inch since I had last been here. The large cross mounted to the furthest wall hadn't budged. Even the same lady who had been playing the organ for years was still alive and kicking it; swearing she was at least a hundred years old back when I was a kid. That must make her, what, one hundred and eighteen now?
My mom's snap of her finger reeled my attention back, noticing her gesture to the coffee cup I still held before shaking her head at me. I sighed quietly before stepping off to the side for other people to walk around me, taking my time chugging the most I could before regrettably dropping it in a nearby trashcan.
We morphed in line to walk down the aisle toward where my grandparents sat near the front of the church, scooting into the pew to sit with them during the service. They briefly glanced our way, but didn't say hello, out of respect that it was now time to be quiet until told otherwise. They were raised very strictly in the Christian church, trained to not utter a peep unless you were told to sing or repeat after the pastor. While I on the other hand could recall the numerous times I had been pinched by my mother to remain silent when I was goofing around too much. We had our different priorities that much was certain.
My shoulders dropped with a deep breath as we remained standing during the song while the people about got settled into their selected spots, glancing over toward Charlie when I noticed she hadn't said a word since arriving. I gently nudged her with my elbow, gaining her attention as I looked at her with a furrow of my brow.
"What's up with you?" I whispered over the music.
She blinked slowly, like she was trying to process what I had said, "I...took a gummy this morning."
My eyes widened a little, bringing my arm around her shoulders to keep her close while also covering her mouth, "Don't let God hear you say that."
I felt her then start to laugh against my palm, almost hysterically at the joke that wasn't even that funny. Her cackle got a few pointed looks from the people around us which only caused me to press harder to try and muffle the sound, humming along to the hymn to get their attention off of us. They could smell your fear, but typically if they saw you participating they would leave you alone. At least that's what I always told my sister when we were young.
The music then softly faded into silence with one final Amen, before the pastor stepped up to his little podium to begin speaking. But not before bowing at the altar out of respect, something that still irked me to this day; lowering your head toward an object just because you think it's holy.
The man smiled out to the sea of people, pushing his large glasses up the bridge of his nose, "Good morning to all. It's nice to be back here to see all your smiling faces in the presence of our God. Blessed be the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit."
"Amen." the congregation responded in unison.
"Let us start with the Lord's prayer." he spoke with open arms, inviting to join.
As if on command, the people around began reciting the prayer word for word together in some kind of chant. It was moments like these where I felt almost squeamish to be a part of this, feeling like it was some kind of cult rather than the loving and accepting place they claimed it to be. And the worst part about it was they all thought this was normal. I supposed I fell victim to that when I was expected to come here Sunday after Sunday like it was a routine ritual. But after being away for a few years, it was all hitting me now how twisted it really was.
I glanced over to my dad who stood tall on my left, my eyes slightly widened and pleading that he hated being stuck in this just as much as I did. After all, it was never really his choice to be here. He only converted for my mom before they got married, and I just hoped they hadn't got their claws sunk into him too deeply in that time frame. And low and behold I was left feeling relieved, seeing the expression he wore matched my own before we were both laughing quietly. What was it that was so funny, I had no idea. I think it just had more to do with the fact that we had to be quiet and serious, the one thing we were both equally terrible at.
A small, pained gasp was then pulled from my lips when I felt a sharp pinch on the back of my arm, looking over to see my mom had reached around Charlie to put an end to our giggling. My face scrunched up as I rubbed over the now tender spot, feeling like it had its own heartbeat with how harsh her grip was. I guess some things never changed.
It was the longest hour and a half of my life. There were songs in between each intermission, the sermon that was drug out long enough to the point of insanity, and my least favorite part: communion. Getting up from your seat in a single file line to move up to the front and kneel before the altar to accept the "body" and "blood" of Jesus himself. When in reality it was just a stale wafer and a teeny tiny portion of red wine. Taking it like a shot was apparently frowned upon as I got a few dirty looks for that mistake.
Then finally, there was freedom.
Walking out of that small and stuffy building was quite literally like a breath of fresh air, sighing in relief to finally have it over with. It was still far too early to function and I was starving, plus that wine sitting in my system with the coffee wasn't doing great things to my stomach. But of course, now was the time for chatter. I swore the older people got, the more they liked to talk, my grandparents currently gossiping with three separate groups now that we weren't in the presence of the Lord anymore. Making the rest of us wait around for them before we could go out for lunch.
"Rose!"
I turned my head in confusion when I heard the brief call of my name, my eyes widening slightly when I spotted the familiar face. It was a kid I used to sing with in choir every other week back when we were kids. But by the looks of it, he still participated. The awful robe he wore was a dead giveaway to my assumption. I raised my hand to give him a small wave, hoping all he wanted was some kind of acknowledgement, however I seemed to regret the action before I even dropped my arm. He took that as an invitation to jog over, my stomach twisting with a hint of dread when I suddenly could not remember his name for the life of me.
"Hey, how the heck are ya?" he greeted a little too cheerfully.
"Hey...you," I pointed a finger at him, trying to play it off, "I, uh, can't believe they still have you doing this with the whole getup and everything."
He laughed heartedly while rubbing the back of his neck, "Actually, I volunteered to help be one of the leaders this year."
I paused, "Oh, so you did this willingly?"
"That's right."
"Then good for you." I said more encouragingly, trying to disguise my laugh with a cough.
A sheepish smile crossed his face as he nodded in thanks, "So...it's been a while since we've seen you around here."
"Yeah, I guess." I shrugged, "Life just got kinda busy the last few years."
"You haven't lost your faith, have you?"
It took me about a split second to realize he wasn't joking, "No, no," I shook my head quickly, "God and I are like this," I crossed my fingers, "We actually have a contract."
He laughed again to my relief, "That's good to hear. Hey, listen, a few of us are heading out now to grab something to eat, do you want to come? I know everyone would be excited to see you."
That sounded like my kind of personal hell.
"Oh, well, I'd love to but I kinda- I have to-" I gestured vaguely, nearly tripping as I walked backwards, unable to get away from him fast enough as I scrambled back to where my family stood.
Thankfully they seemed to be wrapping up any kind of parting goodbyes to their friends, giving me the chance to quickly come up and stand with them as I let out a small breath. The last thing I needed today was to be surrounded by a bunch of church kids over lunch while they quizzed each other on the books of the bible.
"Okay, I think it's time we get the hell out of here." I clapped, watching as I received a handful of disapproving looks at my choice of words. Talk about a tough crowd. "Heck," I corrected, "Let's get the heck out of here."
My grandfather grumbled something intelligible under his breath before shakily pulling out the car keys from his pocket, unlocking the mini van they drove. Silently I wanted to groan, knowing that if he was the one driving it meant we wouldn't get anywhere until at least three o'clock. And of course the restaurant that they would pick would be high class and healthy, basically a giant salad bar and stale bread on the side. Maybe a soup of the day if any of us should be so lucky.
After cramming into the small space in the very back of the vehicle, nearly hitting my head on the ceiling in the process, I let out a breath as I shifted next to Charlie. Our sides pressed together with how little room we had. The silence nearly consumed us whole as the grandparents got situated in the front, trying to plan out which turns to take that would get us to our destination which only led to a bickering match, seeing who could get louder in order to win. I caught the apologetic look my dad threw me from the middle row and it made me want to scoff. Despite the years that passed, I surely wasn't unfamiliar with this song and dance.
Finally the van began to move, inching little by little out of the parking lot and onto the main streets. Assuming we were going about thirty miles per hour at the maximum. I leaned my head back against the headrest to prepare for the long ride ahead, just as Charlie leaned over to whisper in my ear.
"Are we moving really slow or is it just me?" she slurred.
My eyes softened sympathetically, wrapping an arm around her, "You might as well take a nap." I answered.
Defeated was the only word I was able to think of when I began replaying the events of this afternoon. Sitting across from my mother's parents while they drilled me about my future wasn't really how I wanted to spend my free time. Mostly because they were a carbon copy of her, just older and none the wiser; managing to cover almost all the bases within the two hours we sat there picking at our meals. My living situation, my finances, my love life, all the way down to my retirement plan. You could say by the time I got back to the house when it was all finally over I was exhausted and still hungry. The rabbit food didn't exactly cut it.
Their mix of voices coming from the living room seemed almost distorted considering how much they were talking over one another, giving the throbbing sensation in my head just the push it needed to turn into a migraine. My body rested against the kitchen counter alongside my dad who was gradually sipping on a beer, not a thought in either of our minds while we tried to work up the courage to head back into the chaos.
"Since when do grandma and grandpa like to come over here after church?" my voice finally broke the silence between us.
He clicked his tongue, "Since...two years ago."
So, right around the time I moved out. Nice. If I didn't think they weren't a big fan of me before, I sure as hell did now.
My dad however was quick to catch the small shift in my expression, giving a small nudge to my side, "Hey now, don't make that face. I think you should be considering yourself lucky." he reassured with a small wink.
That made me smile a little, "I guess..." I sighed quietly, looking back out toward the doorway knowing we both had to make an appearance at some point. Considering we had just been standing in here for fifteen minutes. "On the count of three?"
He gave a small nod, "One."
"Two." I spoke.
"Three."
Neither of us made any attempt to move.
I blew a small raspberry and pushed off the counter, "Why are we even doing this to ourselves? It's not like our presence matters that much anyway. I bet they don't even realize we're not in the room."
My words seemed to spark some kind of idea within him, considering the shift in his stance and the contemplative look on his face. It intrigued me. And before I knew what was happening he was taking a final swig from the glass bottle before reaching for the keys to his old pickup truck, raising his eyebrows toward me in a silent kind of offering. My eyes widened just slightly at the familiarity of his action that I had grown to know quite well. To sneak away like we weren't even here to begin with.
Without hesitation I nodded my head and followed his lead as he held the door to the garage open for me to go out first, then trailing hot on my heels, unlocking the vehicle with haste before we both hopped inside. My heart undeniably raced a little as if we were getting away with something we shouldn't have been, knowing the people inside wouldn't be too pleased with our escape. But it was merely something we would deal with later, and rather enjoy the time we had now.
The small cab blasted with ancient rock music from my dad's collected cd's hidden away in the glove box, the lyrics foul and the guitar solos even more so. We laughed carelessly with the windows rolled down just enough that my hair blew somewhat wildly and the cars we were passing by could also get a taste of the music. The moment felt nostalgic in a way, reminding me of all the times we had slipped out of the house in the past just to get away. To eat whatever we wanted and talk freely without my mother butting in to throw her opinion around. I had always held this special kind of bond with him, and for the longest time it felt like he was my friend. One of the best ones I'd ever had.
Eventually we rolled up to the old McDonald's just outside of the city lines where it was a little more peaceful, ordering just about anything you could imagine. Burgers, fries, ice cream, wanting to get a sample of everything the place had to offer. It tasted deliciously processed and greasy, heaven in a bag is what he used to call it. Making me believe that maybe for a moment God was real after all.
"Chicken nuggets?" he offered, the box already half open.
"Why, thank you." I accepted gratefully, taking the whole thing to settle in my lap before biting into one of the many. I sighed contently, "They have to put some kind of crack in this. How is it so good?"
"I think it's best if we don't know." he advised.
I laughed lightly, silently agreeing that blissful unawareness was the best approach in this kind of scenario. My head fell back against the cushioning while my feet were propped up on the dashboard, an action he only allowed when we were parked, gazing out the window absentmindedly as I ate. Only then did I catch a glimpse of a man leaving the parking lot, the loud rumble of his motorcycle easily catching just about anyone's attention as he zoomed out onto the dirt roads. Leather jacket wearing and all; he was even missing a helmet like a real jackass.
"I saw that."
Quickly did I turn my attention back to my dad when I heard the teasing note in his voice, seeing he wasn't even looking in my direction as he apparently didn't need to. Just taking another bite of his large burger instead.
I scoffed, "Saw what?"
After that he was looking at me, almost knowingly in fact. I knew he didn't care, he wasn't usually the super overprotective type unless he needed to be. But still, it made me feel uneasy.
"I was just- I was looking because he was being loud and obnoxious. Plus, I'd never dream of liking a guy who rides a motorcycle, okay?" I spoke a little too defensively, "It's like they have a death wish or something."
He then laughed. Loudly. So loud that I swore people inside the restaurant could hear him. "Alright, fine. No guys with motorcycles. But I think as your dad I have a right to know who you're going to bring home someday."
A small groan left me and I pinched the bridge of my nose, but I knew he wouldn't stop there. If there was one thing about him that would always reign true; it's that he loved to embarrass his kids.
"What about that kid you always hang around with- uh..." he snapped his fingers a few times as if trying to recall his name, "David?"
I blinked, "You mean Daniel?"
"Daniel! That's it."
"Dad," I huffed with the smallest bit of amusement, "Daniel and I are just friends. And are we really going to talk boys? Because I'd personally rather gouge my eyes out."
He shrugged, "No, I mean, we don't have to talk about that. There's always...school."
That was a topic I wasn't too thrilled about either. He was really hitting the nail on the head with the conversation starters. "How's work?" I deadpanned.
He chuckled softly, "Work's work." he said simply, as if to imply there was no kind of exciting updates anytime soon. "Come on, kid. I wanna know how you are."
"Well, I kinda already covered all that at lunch with everybody else. And I'm pretty sure you were there." I pointed out as I moved onto the ice cream that was starting to melt.
"That was the sugarcoated version. I want to hear the real thing."
I didn't even know why I tried. Deep down he always seemed to know when I wasn't okay, like he had some kind of radar on him or something. It was both annoying and something I was secretly grateful for.
Defeated, I let out a heavy sigh as I poked around the soft serve with my spoon, "Okay, fine. It sucks." I admitted quietly, "It's a lot harder than I thought it was going to be. The tests, the training, it...everything sucks. I don't even know if I should go through with it anymore. I don't know if I'm...strong enough."
In the midst of pouring out my thoughts that I didn't want to be true, I couldn't bear to look at him. Knowing that his sad face would only make saying all of this harder. "Sweetheart..." he spoke sympathetically.
"My part time job also sucks," I went on to say, "I feel like I'm busting my ass just to get minimum wage, I'm busting my ass just to be placed at the bottom of my class...Oh! And when I said I was staying with a friend, I actually meant I've been riding couches the past few months."
The silence that followed after my rant was incredibly uncomfortable and only left me feeling stupid. Here I was, thinking the life I wanted would be easy to reach, when in reality only proved how naive I could be. And admitting that to my dad who I wanted to please more than anyone else in the world...sucked.
But it then hit me who I was talking to, when I felt him reach over to wipe a stray tear from my cheek. A man who had never judged or belittled me for anything, who had always believed in me since I took my first breath. And suddenly, I felt relieved.
"You are strong enough." he said firmly.
I exhaled shakily, wiping another tear that had managed to escape, "Yeah, well, it doesn't feel like that right now."
His eyes saddened, his fingers moving through my hair to get it out of my face, "That's because you're just starting out. Just starting your life- your future. You think I had it all figured out when I was your age?"
I shook my head slowly.
"I didn't," he confirmed, "And it took me a long time to crack the code. But you're going to be better than that. Cause I gotta tell you kid, you got something that a lot of people only dream of having."
My brows furrowed a little, "What...?"
"Fire." he answered simply, "No matter how many times you fall down, you always get back up. You've got a stubbornness that could drive just about anyone crazy...I wonder who the hell you got that from."
His hinting caused my frown to morph into a small smile; he and I had always been a lot alike. And hearing that he too struggled at first and was just as clueless as I am now, only made me feel all the more better about this time in my life.
He sighed quietly, his hand falling down to now squeeze my shoulder, "I'm not worried about you. Not one bit. You'll pick yourself back up again and you'll push yourself to do everything you want to do. But...that doesn't mean you can't accept a little help every once and a while."
I watched as he pulled back from me to open up the center console, pulling out a long, white envelope and handing it over to me without any words necessary. The sight instantly made me feel a little nauseous. Lee Harris was no stranger to being generous, slipping you a twenty under the table or putting something a little extra in your Christmas stocking. But this was something entirely different. It wasn't like I was asking for some spare change to go see a movie, but instead seeking financial help from someone who I never wanted to ask for anything.
Hesitantly, I took the paper from him to at least look at the amount before I declined it, seeing it was a check written out to me for seven thousand dollars. My eyes nearly bulged out of my head.
"No way." I shook my head, sealing it back up, "I'm not taking this."
"You will." he insisted.
I gave him a look, "Says who?"
"Me." he said seriously, "The man in charge of the money."
It was ironic he had previously brought up how stubborn we both can be. Now seeming to prove it in the kind of face off we were having.
I sighed tiredly, my thumb tracing over my name written out on the front of the envelope that he had put there himself with purpose. "It's too much."
"Not to start you out, it's not." he spoke softly, "Put it towards getting your own place. And if you really feel the need to pay me back somehow, you can get me a good Father's Day gift."
I laughed a little in response, shaking my head before I was glancing up at him, "What does mom think about this?"
"Your mom doesn't know." he said with a raise of his eyebrows, "And I think it's best we keep it that way."
His words surprised me more than the money did. In their marriage it was simple; my mom wore the pants. Therefore I assumed when she declared that they would offer me no help whatsoever, she meant it with her whole chest. But I never stopped to think about him going behind her back to help keep my head above the water just a little bit longer.
"I really- I...I don't know what to say." I breathed out in disbelief as I stared down at the weight of the money I held in my hands, before suddenly leaning toward him to wrap my arms securely around his shoulders, "Thank you, dad."
He hummed quietly, kissing the side of my head, "You're welcome, Rosie. I...I really love you, kid."
I huffed sarcastically, "Really? Cause you didn't make that clear."
His arms squeezed me a little tighter in retaliation before I pulled back to take a look at him seriously, "I love you too. Seriously. I can't even tell you what this means to me."
"Well, we've got a long drive home." he said as he shifted to pull the truck into reverse, "How about telling your old man how you're going to spend the money. Responsibly."
I smiled at him before settling back into my seat, thinking over the list I was already conjuring up in my mind on how to savor this as much as possible. Maybe he was right. Maybe this was just the kind of silver lining that I needed, a hint of hope that I would never truly be alone as long he was here beside me. It was never about the money- not at all. It was about the comfort in knowing that even when I was at my lowest, I could always count on him to help pick me back up. He swore that I did that all on my own, but the truth was he played a bigger part more than he would ever realize.
~ Thanks for reading! (New chapter of Desert Rose tomorrow!!)
