What the actual fuck is wrong with me? I’m just need to write out all of my thoughts out and have them in one place, so ignore this because I’m just venting.
Ever since I’ve gotten into the mha fandom, it’s been a nightmare. Like, my God, you’d think a show about heroes would have a kind and accepting fan base. But no, this is one of the most toxic fandoms I’ve had the displeasure of being a part of. Especially because Mineta is my favorite.
Yeah, he’s not a saint, but he’s not a s*xually assaulting p*do either. Like, the way people treat him feels so disproportionate to what he’s actually done. He’s not for everyone, I get it, but I don’t get this mass hatred of him. Like, people treat him like the worst character to ever exist.
I tried to give my perspective on events and his character. I thought that if I can give a more positive view of him, then people would prefer to use that interpretation. Of course, I was wrong about that. Some people understood where I was coming from, but a lot just didn’t care. It’s just disappointing to see his character killed off or expelled in fanfics all the time.
On a similar note, I don’t like redemption arcs for him either. Redemptions are for antagonists and Mineta’s never been antagonistic. He’s just a goofy pervert. You can have him mature and be less perverted without it being this whole serious redemption. There are aspects of it that can be more serious, like why he’s a pervert in the first place. But as for the perverted acts themselves, I prefer they just stay jokes. Yeah, I don’t approve of those things in real life, but I’m also not sitting there with my arms crossed with a sour look on my face, I’m laughing when the pervert gets hurt.
I get accused of and called these awful things and then I take it to heart and worry that they’re right. But then I snap myself out of it, they don’t know me. Who are they to tell me what I am? But it doesn’t stop the pain in my chest.
I’ve posted things I wished I never did. Things that were aggressive or just weird. I’ve apologized for things and felt bad immediately after being a bitch, even if they were being a dick first. Like, I don’t wanna be that. I don’t want to be angry or anxious all the time. I don’t want to be the example people use for a bad Mineta fan.
I don’t know why I feel this way, it’s so suffocating. I can’t breathe and can’t eat and throw up sometimes. I feel stupid and cowardly and awful all the time. I tried to get away, but since Mineta is still my hyper-focus, I keep coming back. I’ve been trying to find something else to interest me, but I haven’t found anything yet. I end up circling back and ending up where I was before. God, I fucking hate myself.
I let people get to me and I acted in a way I’m ashamed of. I’m sorry for that. I feel like I wasted a year of my life. I like Mineta because he has everything I love in a character. He’s kind, he’s funny, he’s smart, he’s cheeky, he’s clever. And he has flaws, like any good character should, he’s a pervert, he’s a scaredy-cat, he’s lazy, he’s blunt. His character gave me so much writing material, that I was able to write two long stories for him and actually finish them. Like, his character gave me a passion for writing that I didn’t know I could have. Honestly, I’ve only stuck around with the show for this long because of his character. I don’t have the same interest in the other characters as I do his. I just wanted other people to see what I saw.
But at the end of the day, I just have to call it quits. No fictional character is worth destroying my mental health over. I got enough going on and I don’t need it. I can be grateful for what the show has given me and also never want to see it again.
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