Felix S. Warren

Mirror account! @felixdawriter is my main now.

[da-at-ass]

My new main blog: @felixdawriter

My new psychic blog: @actualpsychicability

My new hypnosis blog: @imahypnotist

Other blogs like @merkavahpartyvan and @badpsychicadvice I've gone ahead and made my new blog admin on, but this one here is a hub blog so it can't have more than one owner. Wanted to make sure people were in the know on where I'm posting from now. This blog here won't receive updates unless I have big project updates.

[moniquill]

[merkavahpartyvan]

A Written Exchange Between a Magus and His Holy Guardian Angel

Felix S. Warren, Magus:

So uh congrats us for successfully surviving HGAing? Livin La Vida Loca is playing. It's hard to write this part. I think we're still working on it? Sandalphon do you have advice on this stuff or are you just experiencing it? I know we didn't do this the "right" way and it was unexpected. I didn't know [a bunch of personal stuff he found out recently that doesn't matter in a public article]. I didn't know. Knowing is hard. I don't understand. Do you understand anything? Or are you like me?

Apparently all I have are questions. I don't want to overwhelm you. I'm interested in your experience too. Please tell me anything you can. No one talks about the angel's POV in these things, they're too busy claiming they're their own HGA.

Sandalphon, Holy Guardian Angel:

¡Hola, mi amigo! It's good to speak with you. Knowledge and conversation of your Holy Guardian Angel can come in a lot of forms and it's important to write to each other. I appreciate the questions. You know I come at this from a more human point of view, you got Sandalphon, after all. An angel that 'ascended' from being human. It's important to have that human connection between us, to not overlook what we both have and have always had as part of us. I think the point of us going through the HGA rite in the way we did was so that you could more publicly show people what it is you went through and what you go through now, and what your husband also goes through.

You can read the rest of Sandalphon's advice on Patreon!

Tip Felix on ko-fi to publish the article here on MPV!

[merkavahpartyvan]

Hello. Welcome to my blog. I have been kidnapped by demons.

TL;DR: I have been kidnapped by demons. They are holding my writing for ransom and the ransom is Ko-Fi tips and Patreon subscribers. When I am tipped they will let me publish more articles. Until then even if I write I am only allowed to publish to Patreon! This is what working with demons can result in so let that be a warning/promise to anyone out there considering this line of work!

Hey Mages. Magic-users, sorcerors, witches, hedgewitches, shrinekeepers, hermeticists, kemetics, angel workers, demonolators, chaos mages and assorted other prestigious flingers of psychic and esoteric forces. Welcome! I've been kidnapped by demons.

Now I know what you're saying, even if you're not saying it and I'm just using that phrasing as a literary convention: "Felix, how could you have been kidnapped by demons, is this just some silly King's Ride thing?" And to that I would say:

The demons told me I can't write any more articles until someone tips me on Ko-fi. When I get a tip, I produce or publish a proportionate amount of content. If I try to publish content without getting a Ko-fi tip, the demons will punish me or prevent me from publishing. They may literally unpublish the material. They will probably keep me from writing the material in the first place.

This has been like, well, let me let one of the demons phrase it himself:

"Hey, it's Belial. Yes, that Belial. I can't let Felix write unless he's paid. it's labor. He needs to be able to eat and have coffee and get some esoteric books and read them and experience spirituality, which is usually more expensive than people admit because it typically requires incense and shrine space and certain instruments for an altar. You mages know what it takes. Anyway Felix needs to be paid so I'm making sure he's paid! Pay him. You can sponsor him on Patreon too. Oh yeah his fiction has esoteric and hypnosis stuff hidden in it. That's my hot tip to you. Okay back to Felix. Felix you can speak again."

Yeah, that's what he'd say! Anyway, please tip me on Ko-Fi when you can. I am pinning this post. I'll be writing a lot to do with secret society initiations and mystery cults and schools, and I plan on making it as open and accessible as possible. You may have noticed I made a lot of posts on my other blogs about being homeless--well, there's some magical initiations that literally have "give up your possessions and go be homeless" as a step in them. I figured since we had to do that anyway during the eviction, why not exit Plato's Cave while I'm at it or do Innana's Descent or whichever you think it is I'd be doing right now. Maybe it's Cain's Exile. Whatever it is, I'm documenting it and I'll also be documenting the esoteric side of it. I'll be documenting what happens magically and psychically when you do this stuff. For people who can't do it and for people who have to do it. I want people on my path to survive.

But yeah I can't give out freebies anymore! They won't let me. That's the price they're making me pay, you could say. Spiritual work changes your life and makes you change how you do things! Also, please donate to a food pantry if you can, I'm seeing a lot of people in the same position as me right now. Peace.

[badpsychicadvice]

(This is from Felix's serious psychic/magic/esoteric blog.)

[badpsychicadvice]

Hi everyone. This is Belial again. This time reporting live from Tyler's body. So...yeah, November went WEIRD, and then December fucking body slammed both Tyler & Felix into the asphalt. I'm still trying to figure out what the fuck happened, other than the obvious witch curses that were flung because Felix is doing Court stuff again.

Yeah, Tyler & Felix know that a witch war was being waged against them. They even know who was at the head of that Cone of Power. It's someone they've called out before. If you don't know who it is and you want to ask, don't. Trawl the archives and figure it out yourself. Tyler is still pissed off and unpredictable, and maybe...well actually, he'd probably just block you for asking a stupid question (if you missed that shit show, check out the posts on BPA from yesterday, December 20th).

They also know that a time-traveler who likes to call himself a mad scientist who does magical experiments has been faking telekinesis via time-travel shenanigans and fucking with Felix directly. The witch at the head of the Cone of Power and the Time-Traveler know each other IRL and have been in cahoots this whole time.

Yeah, it's Felix's fucking stalker exes (or wannabe exes) again. Guys, when Tyler says that there's parasocial bullshit going on, he's understating what the actual issues are. Felix has literal IRL stalkers that are magical, psychic, and not afraid to pay off demons, angels, and/or people to fuck him up.

I'm a fucking Goetic Demon, and I'm sitting here in shock about how much bullshit has been placed in the way of these two people who are already homeless. Felix had to spend time in a homeless shelter while Tyler was being shuffled from hospital to hospital. Because 2 people decided to fling curses at them because they were getting ko-fi tips, and these people were losing patrons on their patreons. Due to their own actions driving people away.

If you believe in magic, psychic ability, esoteric entities, and/or "the woo" in general, you also have to take into account that there are people out there who will FUCK YOU UP just because they can.

But Felix & Tyler have not been fucked up. They are taking time to heal from what has happened to them physically, mentally, emotionally, psychically, psychologically, esoterically, astrally, etc. In the meantime, myself (Belial) and some of my buddies are gonna keep the bodies fed, watered and exercised; while we remind you of what Tyler & Felix have already written.

The Queue has been emptied. The only things coming out now are things they've already written: about themselves, about their experiences, about their abilities, beliefs, spiritual encounters... you're gonna see it all. And at the end of each post, there's gonna be a reblog with the following:

"This is an example of a post that can be sponsored via our ko-fi! Want to see something similar? Want to see something totally different? Pay $2+ and let us know what you want us to write!"

This is the only way to interrupt The Queue. Tyler and/or Felix may interrupt it themselves, because they're The Admins and have that right, but for the most part, it's going to be queued posts of what they've already written. And HOOO BOY. There's A LOT.

Enjoy the content. Or don't. If you don't, you know how to add something new. Or you could unfollow.

Kisses!

Belial

[da-at-ass]

...The demons are still kidnapping us. I think this is technically some kind of psychic witness protection program at this point? I mean, they did really help out with the witch war, especially when the whole point was to get me and Tyler to divorce....

So, yeah. Demon kidnapping, 10/10 so far.

[merkavahpartyvan]

Comparing My Magical Journals With My Husband's Journals from a Parallel World

This post was brought to you by awesome people on Ko-Fi and Patreon.

We could have been doing anything, my husband and I. Experiencing anything, anywhere and with anyone. We were already trying to play off of each other for November, my esoteric posts responding and being responded to by his posts about his own psychic and spiritual experiences. The idea was that we respond to each other during a month of spiritual observance of our shared religion, one I started creating in 1999 and since then have grown with the help of my husband.

Well, the month of November got hijacked during about the last third of it, so we weren't able to write our coordinated articles like we planned to. We weren't able to do anything like we wanted or planned to. But for all our trying, we did end up with something for the effort: we somehow managed to synchronize in a way that meant we've been keeping parallel journaling experiences since then through the manifestation of some incredibly unexpected esoteric phenomena. And also some curses. Some big fat evil curses. We documented all of that automatically, and it was kind of like running the cameras in a haunted house while Dracula gets into a pottery-throwing fight with three ghosts and a poltergeist. Worthy of video capture, but nothing you'd ever want to film yourself. It was like getting firsthand footage of an F-5 level tornado with a shoulder-held camcorder while running backwards.

I definitely got hit by flying objects a few times.

I've really been interested in my husband's experiences of spiritual life when around me and my fucking demonic shenanigans. I was surprised by how fast he yes-and-ed to working with demons in a system that was documented by no one but my own injured-during-preschool-years erisian occultist brain. I was surprised by how fully he experienced things so quickly. I've had people hang around me, hang ONTO me vampirically, who've pretended to understand the system I helped start and then tried to pick its bones over for all they could take before the damn thing had even become a dead religion. So to see him use the religion to pick himself up off the ground from, to raise himself up with... how fabulous! I'd sure like to track that in an easily-readable, sanity-confirming way.

TOO BAD FOR ME BECAUSE RELIGION AND SCIENCE AREN'T THE SAME THING.

Oh yeah, it's all been scientific. Oh yeah, all the things have been 'possible.' "Possible." '''Possible.''' That doesn't make them actually affirm your belief that science is the most powerful way of interacting with the universe, that logic always prevails, that causality will always be understandable... you know, it doesn't affirm any of your beliefs that are STUPID. I guess what I've been seeing the most in my husband's experience, and his creative work during the duration of all this, is all the proof that what I have been doing is REAL and that it can do ANYTHING, but in like... just the least expected ways possible.

I'm not sure WHY I don't expect some of these things to happen. I'm not sure why I expect other things to happen. I'm not sure what's normal to happen at all. To be honest, I didn't expect marriage to affect religion nearly as much as it has already, and is now. I grew up in the same house as two married people who didn't love each other and fought around me, and sometimes THROUGH me, all the time. I didn't even get raised by them so much as just had to put up with being around them until I finally left home for a boarding high school. Marriage isn't just a mystery to me, it's incomprehensible.

So really, I have no idea what's going on. I have absolutely no idea what's going on. But hey, here's a view from the ground floor of House Chaos, if you want to know what it looks like. All I can do sometimes is ask my husband for clarity.

First of all, have you heard of the ritual to gain Knowledge and Conversation of Your Holy Guardian Angel? HGA for short? Well it's kind of famous in occult circles, kind of something a lot of high-level occultists like to do and low-level occultists like to try and mid-level occultists try to claim they already did when they were sixteen. Well, I didn't do exactly that and neither did my husband. But the HGA ritual is very specific about how you should interact around your spouse (ASSUMED TO BE YOUR WIFE, IT IS VERY HETERO AND CIS) and states that you basically can't share a bed during a certain period. Or things happen. That you do not want. Because your spouse will become possessed by an entity in a way that will complicate your spiritual life, your marriage, and MAYBE the very pseudostructures of the universe.

Well anyway that's not what we did per se but we have been channeling a lot of demons, sometimes automatically, because apparently in this religion the demons you work with just show up in your life as particular people you interact with, whether intended or accidental. And also you can channel them on purpose. And also they can live your life for you for awhile. And that's pretty cool and oh boy have we been journaling this in a completely parallel yet entirely separate manner.

So, we both sign and date and timestamp most of our journal entries, writings and drawings. This means I can easily compare what entries were during the same experience, or conversely, compare what different times similar experiences were experienced at. Now, getting together the journals all in one place where I can compare and contrast them all and take notes and make conclusions... that's been difficult. Because for one, even the notes on the experience themselves are hard to keep organized. Tyler has at least three different main journals/notebooks/note stashes of an experience he had over the course of a week. In that same span of time, I generated art and notes in at least four different sketchbooks. Neither of us planned this, and thus neither of us was consciously trying to make this more complicated or even less complicated than it needed to be. When you generate notes on a large-scale magical/spiritual/psychic act, those notes become in themselves part of that large-scale work. And they get weird.

They automatically shuffle themselves around and skip pages to obscure something and get lost so you have to use another book and the pens get lost so you have to work in brush ink and then the cover of one journal rips off so now the first page is the cover and that Means Something Now and you tucked the bus passes into that back pocket and now your bus trip is itself haunted several more times over than any bus trip you've ever had before. Your receipt for the groceries you bought during the event to keep you going and keep you from falling over has a cryptic note that makes sense eight years later when you find it randomly bookmarking your largest tome on herbalism. There is a folder full of medical paperwork that is not only Legally Significant but has notes on mystical creatures and their correspondences with colors and heraldry that you will be meditating on for at least half a year going forward.

Reading this stuff is intense. The thing about taking notes during a mystical event is that it's already an incredible difficult act. To be fully immersed in a ritual, you have to put down your pen and your notebook and do the damn ritual. The opportunities for fresh observations from one's time during a ritual are very few and usually the experience must be journaled hours or even days later. Some memories of mystical experiences even present themselves before the ritual, so in some cases we had documented things for enough years back that we could match up some precog that was signalling the past versions of us to really show up for something. Now, reading this stuff is even worse when you're still experiencing the stuff.

An intense ritual experience is already a multi-dimensional affair during which you likely, due to the physical place you are being kept inside of while doing a major psychic work, are using every part of your brain possible and accessible to process as much as you can but are still getting far more input than you'll ever be able to take in. If you've ever wondered, have I missed important parts of a ritual, did I not concentrate correctly during them: the answer is that no one can truly concentrate on any of this stuff. I fell asleep three times just trying to write this paragraph. I misspelled "times" TWICE before getting it right.

So yeah imagine reading just one of the notebooks that Tyler or I wrote in and reading maybe ten pages of it and then imagine trying to read a normal thing like, the weather. And then see how you feel about whether that weather chart is accurate or not. Because once there's multi-dimensional material in your brain, it affects everything inside and outside of your head. There's emotions you can't understand and probably never will have an understanding of that will try to process themselves and make you have weird ideas about the number four and its regularity in the license plates of the cars that pass you by for the next eight days. And then some deity you've never heard of is going to send you a firm signal that they've got your back and a random person you meet will know exactly what it is you're looking for and tell you exactly where to find it, and then you do a drawing of your favorite video game character and it turns out to be an illustration of one of your partners' dreams last night. And then a bird comes by and lands on the car mirror you're staring at right as the radio advances to the next song and three emergency vehicles tear down the road with sirens wailing to the exact beat of whatever's playing on Spotify right now. And yeah, that's just what happens when you idly try to take pictures of the ritual with your camera phone while data and wifi are still turned on.

The project: I will go through at least three of my husbands' journals/folders he made during this last experience. I will compare them to my sketchbook art and social media posts, both of which are dated and timestamped. I will see how many times we wrote about two angles of the same event. I will see how many events happened to us at different times. I will track colors. I will track names. I will track behaviors. I will report back with what I find.

Until then, please feel free to make this post (probably a series of posts, to be honest) appear faster by sponsoring a post on this blog! The more scratch I have to work with, the easier it is to reserve a space with lots of table room and organization supplies. I also have commissions available of both character and spirit art, and when my husband isn't creating seven-dimensional journals he crochets and sells hats! Take a look at what we've got! Check me out on Patreon! And look forward to the future, when you will finally be able to pay for food ans services with pure dream currency. Whoops, that was too far into the future. Gotta stop reading this journal. It's got a buzz.

See you in the notes!

[da-at-ass]

My new main blog: @felixdawriter

My new psychic blog: @actualpsychicability

My new hypnosis blog: @imahypnotist

Other blogs like @merkavahpartyvan and @badpsychicadvice I've gone ahead and made my new blog admin on, but this one here is a hub blog so it can't have more than one owner. Wanted to make sure people were in the know on where I'm posting from now. This blog here won't receive updates unless I have big project updates.

[merkavahpartyvan]

Rich Mage, Poor Mage

This article is here because of your support at my tip jar and on Patreon. Thank you!

One thing you learn really quickly when you get into magick, witchcraft, or any kind of magery is Money Magic. Not because you need to or because it works, but because magical practicioners just can't ever stop talking about how they can or can't make money with magic, angels, spirits, ancestor work, tarot, kabbala, psychic powers or whatnot. Even if you don't care about making money with your psychic and magical abilities, or with the power of whatever deific forces you're supposedly aligned with, you can't avoid the topic. It will usually come up first.

It's not hard to imagine why people would want to make money using magick. Of course everyone wants to be more well-off and have more spending power. It assures not just pleasure and fun but also safety and security. Having more ability to make money... most people just want that by default, especially in this day and age.

But the desire for money hides the other very important question: how much does it COST to be a mage? How much does it COST to channel spirits? How much does it COST to have a deep spiritual practice with holidays and regular services? How much does it COST to acquire ritual and altar tools for a certain tradition? Most of all, does the COST of a tradition prevent a person from being able to pursue a practice in that tradition?

Can you actually pursue a faith you can't afford, and when you do that, what are the results, and maybe the consequences? Is it even WORTH pursuing an expensive faith? Do gods care how much you spend on your religion? If you sincerely and devoutly follow a faith, will that faith provide you with an expense account so you can best follow it that covers all the offerings and supplies and space needed?

Turns out, if you end up poor enough while practicing spirituality at a deep level, you can find out in real-time! That has been the going experiment in my magical household for a while, in fact. Half a year ago, myself and my husband became homeless while deeply involved in spiritual practices. This meant certain plans for holidays and how we celebrate them had to be completely changed because all of our usual ways of celebrating and inviting the spiritual world into our lives involved more expense than we were able to expend once we were evicted and living in a car.

Spiritual practices are very habitual. The whole idea of a "practice" is that you do it over and over, regularly, on a schedule, with intent towards growth. If you've been doing and using the same things in your practice for months or even years, you're going to automatically expect to rely on those same things going forward, even if you don't have them. Used to burning incense for your offerings? When you don't have it, your rituals and practices will seem bare and incomplete, because to your senses that incense has become a necessary part of the experience. What happens when you can't afford incense or you can't find it to buy? Do you replace it with something cheaper--videos of incense burning, reusable scented items, photos of incense sticks on your cell phone, pokemon incense from Pokemon GO? Or do you have to change everything it is you're doing now that you can't afford this one component?

With the incense the big question is: what is the component that is necessary to your practice, maybe to your spirits? Was it the smell, the color of the smoke, the herbalism of the incense, how much the spirits and deities like it, its quality, or its consitent availability? These are all different reasons to use incense. If the deity wants the incense then you definitely need to find out what else they'd accept or give a firm signal to them that you need assistance in acquiring their favored offering. Sometimes a drop in offering quality is in fact the signal deities and spirits need to understand that you are struggling financially.

Of course, if you never have problems with money then you'll probably never learn all the ways that spirits can communicate to you about money troubles. You might get a lot of investment advice from spirits but you probably won't get as much day to day assistance with affording things because you'll never need it... and you'll probably not get very familiar with the aspects of the spirits that help with monetary struggle. Essentially, if you don't experience struggle in some area with your spirits and deities and guides, you'll never learn how it is they assist people in struggle and just how much power and ability they have in that area. And if you never will need that knowledge, maybe there's no great loss here. If you're doing well financially then your deity may be teaching you about charity and supporting other financially.

And if you're not doing well financially, you'll learn way more about receiving charity than giving it. For that duration, at least. You may learn about where your money goes when you donate it to certain organizations, and what happens to people who receive assistance through those organizations, because now you're experiencing that part first-hand. Maybe later in life when circumstances change, you'll be able to apply that knowledge from the giving and assisting side of the equation. Surely you'll be able to more wisely support people in need of assistance when you understand better what they need.

But will you be able to continue all of your magical practices while you're in dire financial straits? Sure, if you're willing to change how you do things. If you aren't, you need to be willing to ask for help. And when you get answers to those asks, you need to do something with those answers.

Ancestors wanna help? They're sending signals on how? Listen to their signals and do what you do according to the communications you receive. Whatever they teach you can be useful for the rest of your life. Parishioners of your church want to assist? Make sure to communicate with them about what your needs are and how they can coordinate with you so the assistance can do the most for you. Whatever they learn from you will be invaluable when they assist others in the future. What you learn will teach you very important things about their beliefs and their congregation. Remember that the assistance that comes from one area of influence will be governed by different rules than the assistance that comes from another. Your church and your ancestors probably play very different games with very different rules. You DON'T want to get them mixed up!

Will all of reality rearrange itself to immediately solve all of your woes? Well, watch what it does, because it can. What timing and causality it chooses to do this in is the really difficult aspect. Knowing the future is a constant problem humanity is solving. Divination and signs can help guide you to understand how long things will last. Timing is especially difficult. Often when we've received assistance there wasn't a detailed ahead-of-time assurance that things would be okay at an exact time and exactly how that assitance would show up. Instead things were more vague and subtle, or blatantly inignorable but still not very detailed at all. Usually signs and divination are there to provide one, very important service: telling you whether to keep going as you are and hold out hope, or to change what you're doing in order to be able to go forward in a possibly-different way. Between those two choices are many variations on causality. If you're getting assistance from multiple areas then you may even get conflicting signals.

Of course, you've probably experienced when there's conflict between different forces in your life. Two different pantheons may have totally different ideas about how to help you, and for some of them, credit for giving the assistance that helped you out of the situation may be VERY important. You may have to bridge the communication gap between them so they can learn to help you together. This may involve inventing your own system to bridge that gap. You may end up doing FAR MORE work towards that sort of integration because you NEEDED to do that work. Those deities and spirits may end up doing far more work together BECAUSE you needed their combined assistance. Sometimes without a pressing reason for things to happen, no one learns what is possible and certain things are never achieved. Don't necessarily go with "everything happens for a reason" to explain it all away, but when faced by a dire situation, try to focus on what you can get out of it. Focus on playing your advantage. Focus on WINNING.

One thing you'll find is certain entities, from incarnate humans to ineffable angels, may not actually be helpful presences in your life. A billionaire would probably never notice a low-level embezzler in one of their organizations because they wouldn't notice the lack in their life soon enough to understand that they were leaking money. But when you have very little margin for error, you notice very quickly when someone's coloring outside the lines who said they had a clean act. So when you're experiencing trouble, when you're in a situation where there's very little slack to play around with, it's very obvious when someone or something is dragging you down. You can tell where the dead weight is and you can cut it free. Times of struggle are times when you can learn how to free yourself. They're the easiest times to prove what really works.

If you enjoyed this article or found it helpful, please check out my tip jar and shop where you can send support, sponsor articles and buy art commissions and hats. I also have a Patreon where there is exclusive and early access content. Thanks! 👋

[mysterious-dark-shadow]

My Time in A Psych Ward - Version 2.0

TLDR: I'm raising money to sue a Christian hospital that has held me in their Psych Wards without my or Felix's consent (reminder: FELIX AND I ARE LEGALLY MARRIED), while being horribly transphobic and causing more mental health issues instead of helping me.

Grab a cup of your favorite tea, because this whole thing is a RIDE.

Hey everybody, I'm back from a court-ordered "5 day hold" in a Psych Ward where I was stuck for 7 days actually because they don't include WEEKENDS in the hold days.

Why was I forced to be there for 7 days? Well, they didn't give me the court paperwork, so I have no idea.... However, the whole time I was there, I was constantly misgendered (I am a trans man) and was generally treated horribly by staff and patients alike. Individuals were kind to me, and I thanked them myself before I left, but the whole situation was so bad, I'm working on legal paperwork to ensure that Felix can walk in and drag me out without any issues if anyone tries to put me in a psych ward again.

The weird thing is, this is actually the second time I have been in this Christian Hospital in their Psych Ward, except the first time I was held for 12 hours in the ER department Psych Ward in 2022, which was so traumatic I have a fear of ever running into the Portland (Oregon) Police ever again, as well as a debilitating needle phobia. I can't even look at insulin needles or see anyone injecting themselves or others with them.

Want to know more? Well, I'm currently raising funds to sue this hospital's ass, so if you want to contribute, donate to or buy anything on Felix's Ko-Fi and (I believe) it all will automatically be counted towards the $1000 goal.

This goal is broken down into two parts: 1) Once we hit $250, I will start typing up the post about my 12-hour stay in 2022, where the hospital tried to say I had a THC overdose, but there was no test results to back it up [POSSIBLY TMI: there was a urine sample ordered, and it's in the medical records]. My mental health crisis was actually due to Methane, which Felix & I have talked about extensively on BPA. This should be posted within a couple of days of starting, as the situation was fairly straightforward 2) Once we hit $1,000, I will start writing about the fucking insane time I've had since 12/7, because I've actually been TO THREE HOSPITALS AND A COUNTY JAIL!!!! The "Christian" hospital was the last of the three, and I was there from 12/10-12/16. It will be a huge post/reblog/reblog thread, and the whole story is FUCKING WILD.

Thanks in advance to anyone who contributes! I really need to get this story out, and I also need to SUE THEIR ASSES!!!!

[badpsychicadvice]

Tyler here again, THE HAT (™) in hand, asking you to buy a version of THE HAT (™) to contribute to my ko-fi goal so I can hire a proper lawyer to properly SUE THE HOSPITAL!

THE HAT (™) can currently only be sold to people with US addresses, as I do not have the mental capacity to figure out international shipping.

For $35 total, you get a custom two-color THE HAT (™) and the knowledge that a THE HAT (™) made with the same two colors will also be donated to a local homeless shelter! Also THE HAT (™) comes with a pompom!

THE HAT (™) will not eat your thoughts. THE HAT (™) cannot actually be trademarked because it is a generic name for a generic item, and I find the idea of using (™) in such a frivolous manner very funny.

[merkavahpartyvan]

The Psychic Training Facility of Your Dreams

This article was previously available only via early access on Patreon! It has been unlocked on Ko-fi by a generous sponsor: Robin! Thank you Robin!

One important focus during the King's Ride retreat is what messages are being sent to me in my dreams. My dreams often have a lot of messages in them, sometimes for different people. For very specific, different people. In previous years I've dismissed this as a fiction writing technique or a subconscious need to act out my stories in real life. This year I'm taking it completely seriously. If I get a dream for a government-trained time traveler to understand reality training concepts with, I write as if I am that person, down to having a name, rank, history, country of origin, and everything. These concepts are being presented to me the way that they are for a reason.

And what's important to emphasize is that right now, I am Captain Miguel Lopez, instructor to time travelers who are being trained up professionally for field work. I am from an alternate reality in which the U.S. government openly recruits for and trains psychic ability in troops and for public service. I am giving you training materials from that reality so you can access them. Some parts of them may be of no direct use to you because they require you to be literally training at Quantico to fully utilize. But other parts of them are useful for any psychic to know, and they are considered to be beginner training materials. I would have used these materials to train Cadets at the Academy as well as educate potential recruits who were considering enlistment into the armed forces instead of private employment.

Below is an excerpt from a rundown on an early training facility called, well, The Facility. Once you read that I'll give you some background on it and teach you a few more things that might not be apparent.

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There's not much you can do in psychic training until you get inside The Facility. They actually tell you that so you'll try to get in faster and start your own psychic training faster. Which is clever, on the one hand. But it also encourages more early injuries, in my opinion.

The first thing you do is locate The Facility. It's different than the one they tell you is The Facility. That's just a blind, a test to see if you know how to look for things instead of go where you're told. Most cadets pass this test pretty quickly and others keep asking why there's no one inside the Facility that they managed to get into. The answer is that you infiltrated a blind! They don't even do tests in there. This can get very confusing for cadets who dream into their test facilities, because if you dream into the blind, the fake Facility, you can see other dreamers who also dreamed into there, and it can seem like a real testing ground. Also, some psychics go there in their dreams to do their own testing or coordinate group dream experiments, so it's sort of become its own thing. It's good to find! Useful!

The true Facility, though, is pretty neat. Once you have a preferred entry method, there's not much time you have to waste getting in. They do update it over time and when you graduate out of Cadet there's no entry back into the Facility. It's like telling a first grader they're too big for the kindergarten playground--basically, the biggest tragedy you ever feel in your life. Then you find the dream Facility and you get over it.

The Facility gets you used to noneuclidean geometry and other features common to psychic spaces. Psychic minds can often warp space, especially if the space is exposed to them often. Navigation through the area helps train psychics in detecting warps, holes and portals in reality. By the way, if you notice someone is lost in this area please send for help. The outer walkways are the most rife with reality warps and require the most caution when navigating. Further into the Facility, inside the inner building proper, Space behaves with more regularity and usually gets along better with Time.

Leaving the building is easier than entering--there's tunnels out of the basement area that lead to various places on the campus grounds at Quantico. They're one-way only, no exceptions. Trying to crack into them to use as entries is a good way to get court martialed. Some exit points, however, are good gathering areas for extracurricular expeditions after official training is over with.

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So, first of all, I want to center the concept of a training facility for beginners. Beginner psychics have a lot of side effects around them as they're constantly trying out new abilities they've never used before. Simply calibrating those abilities can be difficult and time-consuming, especially when they're firing off at random. This means that a training facility for beginner psychics will be plagued by constant fluctuations in space-time and rife with portals. Reality, both internal and external, can be incredibly unstable in these places. Your emotions may fluctuate and your memory may warp. The Facility itself is often compared to a haunted house because of the effect it has on people's physical space and people's psyches. This is why beginner psychic education is a highly specialist field--not just anyone can survive training a group of early psychics.

Locations like this can be rare for casual psychics and dreamers to find outside of a government context. By this I mean, only certain places on this planet in this reality are made for seriously training psychic ability, and they're going to be hard to access. This may sound like a weird example but, for instance, the Church of Scientology has a Superpower Training Center in Florida that is for the purposes of psychic training, but you can only get into it if you achieve a certain rank in the Church of Scientology. On top of that you'd need all the knowledge and context that a higher-ranking CoS person would have, all the training and such. If you tried to head-hop into a person who already had access, or to have a dream where you used the facility, you'd be having the experience of that specific person and not yourself. And you'd have to use the facility in only CoS-approved ways or be kicked out. There will probably be preventatives to keep you from accessing the space via dreams in the first place.

Well, imagine if the place you're trying to train at is the Dream Facility. Which, often, it is. Laypeople try to get into government psychic stuff all the time, and sometimes they are successful. Often they have no idea that they are doing it and think that they have entered a really fun sort of playground or a video game they've never played before. The Dream Facility can seem a lot like this, but it also holds a lot of danger if you don't know the context. So, here are some ways to identify a government training camp in your dreams.

So, if you manage to make it into a dream about a real government training camp, you'll have a dream about an Agent or Cadet or whatnot going through training, and you'll probably think/feel that you are said person until you wake up from the dream. This is different than going to a casual place like the Dream Facility where a lot of young psychic trainees hang out to arrange more unofficial activities and maybe base jump in their sleep. So I'll cover those two types of encounters and some tips on what to do during them.

First of all, it's pretty normal for trainees to get dreamers or astral projecters landing on them, because their fellow trainees are also dreaming and attempting projection exercises. This is why, if you are dreaming as an Agent or Cadet trainee, the trainee usually doesn't notice you there during the exercise. Idle dreamers are a lot more likely to access lower level government employees and early training exercises and missions. The minds of higher level employees are as locked down as the details of higher level missions. Early trainees are told to keep an eye on their security and be cautious of snooping, but also to be aware that a lot of snooping will be their peers just practicing using their senses. In this case, you are not necessarily one of their peers, but you are just trying to test and calibrate your psychic ability. And, if it's Quantico you're dreaming about, there's a good chance you live near Virginia.

If you realize you're dreaming in a trainee, I'd suggest sitting back and watching what they do in their training. You'll probably pick up background thoughts from them about the lessons and training they got already. You might get greater context about the person's life and the timeline they come from. Also you will not be disrupting their training, which is important. Psychic training can be very dangerous and requires quick reflexes. You don't want to disrupt a person's thoughts and make them miss out on precognitive warnings or telepathic updates to the mission. Taking a backseat, you can learn all sorts of things and allow the trainee to safely succeed.

Now, if you've found a dream location or structure and your dream largely involves exploring the structure, you don't have to worry about disrupting the experience of a specific person. Instead you'll just need to be aware of the other dreamers around you, especially if you've found a popular location like the Dream Facility. If you've randomly happened into a place then try by default to treat it like a public park, being respectful not to make permanent marks and to share the space you're in with the others who are there. Remember you are a guest and a visitor and this space's conventions are entirely set up by those who own the space. If you play, be polite. Try to learn what you can while you're navigating the space. It can be hard to find places like this twice, and risky to try to return to them if you don't have proper access. So you may only have so much time to experiment and play.

As for what it means that you ended up at a government facility, it could be that you have alternate life or real life experience with psychic training that you are accessing via recovered memories or some other technique. You could also be dreaming into a different person than you who is having that experience. You could be seeking out places to hone your psychic gifts and are able to access government training locations and resources due to proximity to their location or because of your relation to someone in government work or the armed forces. You might be a government psychic from another reality. Whatever is going on, you can handle it and you can figure it out in the due course of time.

And that's all I have to tell you right now as Captain Miguel Lopez on the subject of government psychic training facilities. Remember that they are out there, and your governments are serious about them and really do use them. They are often disguised as something else, budgets written off as something else to deflect attention. Until psychic training and ability is safe to discuss seriously in public in the open with no fear of reprisal or judgment, we're left to silently signal to each other who we are and what we can do. Use the materials and facilities you find however you can, as safely as possible.

Thank you again Robin for unlocking this article on Ko-fi!

[merkavahpartyvan]

Someone sponsored the next unlockable article, which I haven't actually teased yet, as it so happens! Sometimes when I channel articles I just straight-up forget I even wrote them. So expect an article on a psychic training facility that can be found in dreams pretty soon, once I get attribution info from the sponsor!

[merkavahpartyvan]

This week's unlockables and Patreon exclusives

Hey all. We've got two articles available this week. One is up on Patreon now and is available to be unlocked and sponsored on tumblr. The other is going to be exclusive to Patreon.

Belial's Great Article Idea

This is a spirit-written, channeled article about the norms of working with a demon who is actively possessing your husband. It can be sponsored and released to tumblr with a thanks to you above the article, or if you're a Patreon patron you can just go ahead and read it right now. It's right there for you. Just waiting. 🍐

How your ancestral spirits find your life and show up in it (written by a real live ancestor)

This is another channeled article written by one of my ancestor spirits as a guide for people who are disconnected from their original cultures and haven't been raised with the usual knowledge. It'll be exclusive to Patreon, meaning only subscribers can access it. It's going to be published right after I hit post on this thing. You'll be able to access it and all my other written content for $1 a month.

Something you can also get at the art tier is this coloring book page!

See you there! Thanks for supporting my work!

[merkavahpartyvan]

Early Access on Patreon: Belial's Great Article Idea

So, sometime today this was typed into my laptop by my husband, who was possessed by a demon at the time (and still is):

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(post idea with some pre-filled responses, your welcome! - "Belial")

Hey Felix, what's a normal day look like for you nowadays?

Waking up sometime in what can barely be considered morning (3-5am) and vibing for a few hours

Waiting. Waiting for the food pantry to be open. Waiting for the free laundry event to start. Waiting for the hot meal to be served. Waiting for the one stall in the mens bathroom to be free.

Playing with my cats so they don't wreck the vehicle chasing each other at 2 am. Again.

Contemplating how the universe could have conspired to cause a (mostly) empty messenger bag to show up on a park bench mere hours after I said I needed a briefcase or something like that.

Dealing with Tyler immediately claiming said messenger bag and handing me a (mostly) empty backpack instead.

Arguing with the demon in Tyler's body about what we can and cannot buy using ko-fi tips, and getting a disgruntled hiss instead of a verbal response.

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And I'll be honest: trying to edit the above text or interject my own writing in any way would be like trying to use the Mona Lisa like a paint by numbers. I must leave it pristine and intact. Folks, a demon wrote the above post, to a magus, and I'm the magus. What the hell am I doing and how did I let it come to this?

Read the rest on Patreon or unlock the article for Tumblr by tipping on Ko-Fi!

[merkavahpartyvan]

What do you do when the magic happens to you? And what do you do when it doesn't?

(This is a bonus article from “the other side”, documenting what it’s like observing, and being a part of, these initiatory experiences. These posts are released alongside the articles Felix posts as ko-fi tips come in. It was written by Tyler, Felix's spouse.)

There’s no such thing as an impartial observer when it comes to magic and ritual and transcendental experiences. But I still try my damned best to be one. So, I guess, this is Tyler, reporting live from within one of the weirdest King’s Ride experiences I’ve had in…ehh about 6 years or so? (I guess I was due for another one, then….) Anyways, I’m supposed to be drawing back the curtain on what it’s like to be married to a magus/mage/ritualist/esoteric practitioner/whatever you want to call this; so here we go!

Accepting the weird and woo while still keeping a scientific mindset (and sanity) is…difficult. A lot of the early years consisted mostly of me demanding the spirits that Felix call friends and members of his Court religion prove themselves and their abilities to me. Demanding that tarot prove itself and its abilities as oracle and decision guider to me. Demanding that Felix prove himself and the strength of his beliefs to me. And then trying to reformulate my world view when they did. Over, and over, and over again. It was a struggle; physically, mentally, and emotionally draining for all involved. I came from a background with no (acknowledged) magical lineage, heavily suppressed psychic abilities, and a truckload of trauma dumped on top of all of it.

I didn’t come out of it unchanged. Heck, I am STILL being changed. But, most importantly, I allowed it to change me. I didn’t cling to my beliefs that “this isn’t possible” or “magic isn’t real” when the proof was staring me in the face. I accepted the proof and changed my worldview to match it. Which made it easier to exist when reality itself changed around us in response to a ritual or spell or other influence upon it. Because without a flexible worldview, you simply wouldn’t be able to continue. Some part of yourself will reject what you are seeing/feeling/experiencing and you will be disconnected from the experience in a very sudden, agonizing way. And if reality has changed enough to become unrecognizable to you, you may exit that reality entirely, for at least a period of time.

This is part of what happened in the winter of 2021-2022. I don’t remember much about that year’s King’s Ride, only that I “fell off the Ride” pretty early. I had quit my job earlier that year, been trying and failing to get a job for months, and I had been putting a lot of pressure on myself (and everyone else) to GET ME ANOTHER JOB DAMMIT!!!! I was also starting to be concerned about our house, physical things were moving around on me in ways that were unlike the norm. I remember trying to push through, doing the token minimum for the Ride in order to support Felix while focusing on the capital-M Mundane shit that I thought was actually really more important.

From what little I can find of our notes from that time period, the Court tried to slow me down, focus on Felix and our relationship, and worry a little bit less about how we were going to survive when the Court has already said “we’ve got this”. I really should have listened, because I instead: drove myself straight into a reality break by over-exertion and mental strain while HUFFING FUCKING METHANE GAS STRAIGHT FROM THE PIPE (this was January-February 2022); which then cascaded into recovering from said reality break while in hotels because MAJOR SEWAGE BACKUP AND SPILLAGE DAMAGING SEVERAL FLOORS OF THE HOUSE (March-May 2022); and then NO HOT WATER CAUSE WATER HEATER’S FUCKED AND THERE’S STILL METHANE BUILDUP IN THE HOUSE (June 2022-til we moved out).

I would have really preferred to enter March and beyond with a more stable mindset because we ended up in a very unfavorable lawsuit due in part to my mismanagement of the insurance side of things, and my failure to document basic screwy things the renovation company was doing instead of the proper things they should have done. (Lawsuit ended up much less bad than it could have been, mostly because the Court had our back and made sure we got connected with a good lawyer that fought for us and also told us when to stop fighting a stupid battle and just accept the terms we’re being presented with.)

Meanwhile Felix was having all sorts of revelatory experiences, some of which he hasn’t been able to get into the headspace for since. And I missed them. I’m lucky that he also blogged and livestreamed and documented in private spaces so much of what he experienced so I can at least go back and have a shade of an idea of what he was thinking and seeing and doing and saying. But that’s like watching a video of someone enjoying a special meal alone that you were invited to also be at but missed for some reason. You can’t taste the food, you can’t insert yourself into the conversation because that reality isn’t accessible to you now. You missed it. The evidence of you missing it is playing in front of your eyes so you can’t go back and change reality so that you don’t miss it.

These reality breaks happen. There are things that the magus/mage/whatever in your life will experience that you won’t. Hopefully you have a good relationship and you two can work together to get your realities back into enough alignment to be able to move forward together. I was lucky in so many ways that Felix was willing to do the work to help me get back in alignment with him. I was lucky that the Court was willing to do this work. And I am lucky that I was somehow able to find the strength in myself to do this work. Cause realigning realities when you’re the only one out of alignment is so much harder than staying in the same reality as everyone else in the first place. …but that’s a discussion for another time.

(If you liked this post, please consider tipping us on ko-fi! Thanks and have a great day!)

[merkavahpartyvan]

I'm doing my yearly spiritual retreat in November, and this year it's about survival and creativity on the road and in the wilderness.

(This article was previously available only via early access on Patreon! It has been unlocked via tips on ko-fi! Unlock the next article by purchasing a sponsorship!)

Every year, I go on a spiritual retreat called the King's Ride, a ritual I was taught by the demons in the religious system I invented with them (which we call The Court for short). I am on this retreat right now, as it started November 1st and it's already the 3rd.

I've written about the King's Ride on Patreon before and given instructions for how to go on it. It's too late for anyone to start it now, since it has to be started on midnight of October 31st/November 1st, so it's actually pretty safe for me to write about it for others to read now. It's rare to get a glimpse at someone's experience of being inside a mystery cult as they experience one of its mysteries, so I hope you enjoy what I can provide here.

First of all, the point of the retreat is to be "stolen" away from the world in a way that gives me distance from mundane everyday life. For the month of November I experience a mystery, and each year the mystery is different. One year, I wrote a novel all month and experienced elements of the novel integrating into my daily life. Another year, I focused entirely on my gender transition and the mysteries of being a trans man. This year I am being sequestered in exile to better understand the spiritual aspects of creativity that are involved in being a Scribe.

Being a Scribe means that certain truths always hold for me. For instance, everything that I Scribe is true. Everything that I Scribe is real on some level. Everything that I Scribe is holy. This year I'm focusing on the impacts of this while living in the modern world. I need a paycheck to survive but I can't Scribe for anyone. That's not a thing this century. So the demons of the Court are helping me find how I can support myself in this world while being a Scribe.

It is difficult to go back and forth between a mundane job and a life of being a Scribe. Being a Scribe means unreservedly committing yourself to the expression of truth that comes out of you, and there's not a lot of day jobs where they're looking for that sort of thing. So in mundane life you have to turn off the information hose and the divine inspiration; and then going back to esoteric life, you turn it back on. It's very hard to have the hose go at maximum output when you know you're gonna shut it off again for twelve hours soon. During this month, though, I can open up the floodgates and let it all pour out. Everything's lined up to have that happen. Without any distractions, in fact. And in the perfect physical and mental space to produce the results needed.

So, this is an odd wrinkle in things: I am currently homeless. I have no house. I am married with cats, but in a vehicle, not a conventional dwelling. And at first I wasn't sure if we could do the King's Ride. I didn't know if it was possible, or even advisable. But I also knew that the King's Ride will rearrange and rewrite reality to do what it needs, and it has done so before. Being homeless is a completely different level of trust fall than I've had in any King's Ride before, because while I am doing a holy retreat, I am depending on the universe to provide for me and allow me to have that retreat. This is happening to the scale that my husband is participating as well by supporting me fully through the retreat, truly along for the Ride.

This is also, however, happening to us at a scale that I don't think is commonly experienced. Most people who go through initiations do so with the intent to access whatever is behind that initiation. Special knowledge, abilities, access to a spirit, et cetera. They want this and so they do what is required. The steps of an initiation that make up the process of the ritual are basically a collection of "things that happen to people who do this sort of thing." Usually it's to show that someone is chosen by a god.

A god will show they've chosen a person by, say, making them win at a contest of skill three times in a row, surviving being set on fire, and then having a white elk appear in the area. Something that couldn't easily be faked. But, if you set up a ritual in a certain way, it can be done on purpose, as opposed to happening spontaneously and randomly. You can rig the contest of skill so that it's easily won three times. You don clothes that protect you from fire and then have people quickly douse you with water after being set ablaze. You have a plaster white elk statue that you wheel out on rollers when the initiate comes into the room. Yeah, it might seem cheap, and yeah, it is. Rituals often achieve a minimal amount of similarity to the actual incident they are imitating, and it's usually just enough to convince the necessary forces to allow the proceedings to go forward.

So when it comes to the "survive in the wilderness for thirty days" requirement that may or may not be part of an initiation I may or may not have meant to go through this month, how does one do that in the modern world while not being affluent? How do you go stay somewhere in the woods or somewhere else wild and remote in a country that's either urbanized or government-protected forest land? How do you safely beg door to door for alms in a state that's got open carry laws? Basically, has anyone modern ever QA'd some of the esoteric rituals of initiation to check and see if they're even possible? Because I've got to tell you, camping in the woods is now very expensive if you want to do it legally, and very risky if you want to do it illegally.

But that's the thing. There's also an element of illegality in many of these rituals. A bit of taboo to make the ritual more demonic or more rebellious or whatever it is that the divine forces like about mages breaking the law to do magic. When you break the law for a ritual that requires it, how token are you allowed to be in that illegality? If you are supposed to do everything in perfect love and perfect trust, how do you do something that's truly against your ethics? How ethical is it to even be homeless in this day and age, when we're taught to buy expensive things because they are more morally righteous to own or consume than the cheaper things? I can't afford to buy all fair trade goods now. Does the ritual care about that? Do the powers that be need me to have wifi and netflix and doordash? How much do you need to give up to make it a sacrifice? How many of your possessions need to be given away to count as "all" of them but still leave you able to survive on the street and NOT also overburden a charity when you need the sorts of things you thought you'd already decided to leave behind? How do you do a spiritual retreat without overtaxing the community around you? Does it require depending on services the world is no longer willing to offer?

I've got to say, it was nice when the world gave me coffee yesterday. A business we went to happened to have free coffee on just that day. Free coffee used to be an everywhere thing but nowadays it's very rare to have happen unless you're already paying for something on the level of a hotel. I said a prayer and really acknowledged it because it seemed very special, and it was. It felt like the universe actually supporting me.

And that is the thing: would I notice the universe supporting me right now if I weren't homeless? If myself and my spouse were doing fine, would it mean as much when someone tips me on ko-fi? If my husband had a paycheck right now, would it matter as much if I was getting Patreon patrons? No. When we get a box of food from the food pantry and there's something there we said this week to thin air that we really wanted, we know we're being supported. And unfortunately, you really don't notice you have a working safety net until after you take a fall. You don't really understand how well you know your trapeze moves until there's no safety net to fall into.

In that the King's Ride is a retreat this month, it is a retreat from the safe world. An escape from what we know. A departure from the mundane. It is not a vacation and it is not pretend. It is very, very real, and its encounters in my life are very, very real. If an initiation asks you to sacrifice something, be prepared to lose it. If a ritual demands payment be made to an entity, be prepared to make it. And if a spirit swears you to an oath, that oath is binding. Pantomime is real and the play is not an act. Spiritual theater is physical reality. If I am an actor, I'm doing it method.

(If you liked this article, consider sponsoring one or checking out my other content on Patreon!)

[merkavahpartyvan]

Article on Patreon: I'm doing my yearly spiritual retreat in November, and this year it's about survival and creativity on the road and in the wilderness.

Every year, I go on a spiritual retreat called the King's Ride, a ritual I was taught by the demons in the religious system I invented with them (which we call The Court for short). I am on this retreat right now, as it started November 1st and it's already the 3rd. I've written about the King's Ride on Patreon before and given instructions for how to go on it. It's too late for anyone to start it now, since it has to be started on midnight of October 31st/November 1st, so it's actually pretty safe for me to write about it for others to read now. It's rare to get a glimpse at someone's experience of being inside a mystery cult as they experience one of its mysteries, so I hope you enjoy what I can provide here.

Read the rest on Patreon or unlock the article for Tumblr by tipping on Ko-Fi!

[mysterious-dark-shadow]

Yeah we're going old-style up in here. Someone be a Patron of the Scribe so he can share this post with the world! also I just finished the bonus article thats tumblr exclusive and I wanna share it so bad someone tip plz

[merkavahpartyvan]

My husband has bonus articles on his experience this month too!

[badpsychicadvice]

I bet you need to know how to boil eggs when you're homeless. Well, here's how.

Hey I don't know why you need to know this--maybe you are an investigative journalist reporting on homelessness in America. If so then right on! But also if you need this advice then let me say, take care of yourself, and good luck.

With that out of the way: congratulations! You're homeless, and the food pantry gave you eggs! I can't imagine any other scenario in which you need to boil eggs while homeless, because I certainly wouldn't waste EBT/SNAP/food stamps on purchasing a dozen raw eggs in this economy. So yeah when the food pantry gave you eggs you were like, sure, fuck me up, I'll try to find a way to make this work. We did this too! And this is how it worked for us. By the way, I currently work for tips on ko-fi and Patreon pledges, and your support on either is appreciated. Now let's go!

Okay first of all you need to protect your eggs. We did this with this nice handy travel egg holder by a brand that was on a label that I threw away and will never be able to find again. It was at a Kroger store. I'm sure you can find one if you seek it out. Anyway we got the money for purchasing it by telling tumblr how much it sucks to cook food when you live in a car. It could be collecting cans, it could be busking. Use good judgment and be safe. Or just find a different, more cost-effective way to keep your eggs intact. Since tumblr in its infinite mercy and grace gave us this egg holder in which to secure our huevos, I just feel like I need to spend a paragraph reviewing the egg holder. Then I'll start teaching you how we boiled the eggs, and you can evaluate whether our method works for your current lifestyle and/or will go into your tell-all expose on homelessness. And after that, I will promote my ko-fi link in the hopes that one of you wants me to have more coffee shop time to write more of these infotainments. Ready? Let's go!

This is the paragraph where I review the egg holder. Hey, I really put it through its paces actually, because we got a big ol box of food from the food pantry the same day as we got the egg holder. And we needed to put that box of food underneath a bunch of big heavy things because you have to move all the objects in a car in one place if you want to sleep in parts of it. I could have put the egg crate in our ice chest and it would have been fine. But I wanted to know. How much protection did it really offer eggs? How much could we depend on it? Anyway under a mountain of stuff this thing kept all the raw eggs uncracked. (By the way I would not have done this unless I was confident that it would not cause a bad mess. Placement was in my favor to contain any egg goo.) The carry handle is okay, I think it could be bigger. I'm not sure if I trust the tiny clasp to stay in place when being jostled about, so try to put this thing in a secure area where it can't wiggle around. I would prefer an actual clasp that clamps over the top but that probably would have meant it costing more. Overall I would say this is excellent to keep your eggs in for travel purposes, and it has a very low space profile so it doesn't take up much space when you're not using it. Highly recommended.

Now let's cook some eggs! We did this with an electric kettle. This is something you can secure for yourself if you want to--otherwise you're gonna need another way of boiling water. Try to get something that's low profile and survives getting bumped around. You want to avoid glass or easily-crackable plastic. Mine's all metal.

There's a few places that we can find that we can plug in a kettle without anyone coming up to stop us from doing that. Public parks with grills and rentable party spaces often have an electric outlet somewhere, and if you show up when the space isn't reserved, you can just use that. A public pool center we found provides lockable shower/changing rooms that have a sink and electric outlet in the room for hair dryers, etc. We go on off days when we won't be keeping anyone out of a changing room, then run the kettle while also using the facilities for hygiene.

So how do you do this? Put the eggs in the kettle and then pour water to the max fill line. (I do six eggs at a time so there's enough water in the kettle to boil them all, so a dozen eggs takes two rounds of this.) Turn on the kettle and wait for the kettle to be done boiling the water. (It's good to time your kettle so you know how long this usually takes.) Once it's done, set a timer for the eggs to stay in the hot water. We're sticking with fifteen minutes for now--what works will vary with your kettle and how well-insulated it is, and also how hard you want your eggs.

Once the timer goes off, pour your eggs out, trying to take care not to crack any. We had one get dented in this batch on the way out. Just eat those first!

If you run cold water into the kettle and rinse it around after the first batch, you can cool the sides of the inside of the kettle and it'll be easier to put the eggs in for the second batch without burning your hand. When you are done you can put them in a little egg holder if you have one!

After this it just depends on what you're doing with the eggs and how you like them. You don't have to do this in the same facilities we've done, either--it's really just about getting creative and thinking about what resources are available to you in different spaces you can access. I find the big thing is being discreet and not getting in anyone's way, because if no one knows you're secretly cooking eggs at the gym, no one cares and no one gets hurt. But when people find out you're doing this stuff they can get pretty weird and ask you to stop that and go away, so stay aware of who is observing you when you're doing stuff like this.

If you enjoyed this article and you are not actually in a survival situation where you need to use it, then please support me on ko-fi! I am also on Patreon. Your support means we can try out more things. For instance, we'd like to see if we can use a hot water bottle to transport the hot water from the kettle and use it for warming up already-cooked food. For this we will need a hot water bottle and your support could help us toward that goal! Updates to follow once we reach this new milestone. Everyone stay safe and stay fed! 🥚

[badpsychicadvice]

A Discussion on Summoning - Bad Occult Podcast Ep 3

Live on Twitch, we discuss summoning goetic entities, other entities, demons, Elvis's grandmother, whatever. Welcome to Graceland. Wipe your feet before you come in.

BE THERE OR BE SUMMONED.