dazed

Everything I post is my own

[da-zz-edd]

I have held the universe in my hand, our fingers intertwined, smiling and staring at the stars

I never wanted to let go

[da-zz-edd]

I often wonder if ever I cross your mind or if perhaps the memories of me no longer exist to you

I thought I would be used to losing people I care about by now

[da-zz-edd]

My scars will always be there to remind me that no matter what anyone says, I am not who I used to be

[da-zz-edd]

It terrifies me that one day I will have lived more days without you then with you

Loss is never easy

[da-zz-edd]

I hate to admit it but your smile is still my favourite

she was my best friend and never realized I was falling in love

[da-zz-edd]

I’m still trying to fathom how I’m so heartbroken over someone who never loved me back

and now we’re talking again and I can feel myself falling once more

[da-zz-edd]

Sometimes I look up at the starry night sky and I think of your eyes, then hope for a universe that exists out there where you are able to love me as much as I love you, or maybe a different reality where I never fell for you in the first place

da-zz-edd // and I can’t tell you which reality I wish existed more

[da-zz-edd]

It terrifies me how fascinated you are by destructive things

da-zz-edd// 10 word story about the girl I can't help but love

[da-zz-edd]

You’re straight unlike me, you knew but kissed me anyways

10 word story//what was I supposed to think?// - da-zz-edd

[da-zz-edd]

How silly was I to think it would have ended up like in the movies

da-zz-edd// and in a blink of an eye, I lost my best friend and got my heart broken all at once

[da-zz-edd]

I hate how normal it was talking to you again

It was so much easier hating you when we didn’t talk// da-zz-edd

[da-zz-edd]

Today I went on my first date with her and coincidentally I also saw you for the first time this entire summer, just the way you smiled in your work uniform sent me back under. and as she put her hand on my knee 2 hours later I could not help but think of your touch and all I have ever felt for you. I am still full of regret because of the way my heart skipped a beat when I saw you get on the same bus and when you sat by my side I was filled with so much confusion because as I was sitting with you, she was texting me hello.

I’m so confused// da-zz-edd

[da-zz-edd]

It’s hard to be just friends when that’s all we ever were

da-zz-edd // I don't think she realized I was in love with her

[da-zz-edd]

I never truly realized how easily a text could break you until 15 minutes ago when I woke up in the early morning and saw you had texted me in the late night 15 minutes ago I read your two texts, one of them was simply asking if I was awake and the other was simply asking how my summer has been, but it was truly the nicest words you have spoken to me in months and I could not help but to think you had gotten into your mothers liquor cabinet. Again. 15 minutes ago I read your two texts and a surge pulsed through my chest causing me to shake and it’s still radiating through me and I can’t tell if it’s bringing me pain or numbing it down 15 minutes ago I read your two texts and now I swear I smell the Bacardi from the night we kissed 15 minutes ago I read your two texts and I know I smell the Bacardi and I can’t tell if I feel like I have to puke because of the smell of the booze or because these two texts are tearing me apart before I even start my day 2 minutes ago I replied to your two text messages Seconds ago I threw up in my mouth and started crying again 15 minutes ago I woke up and saw the texts and I can not believe how easy it is for you to break me when you were never even mine

da-zz-edd it was so much easier not liking you when you no longer talked to me

[da-zz-edd]

He's my best friend and he loves her so deeply She no longer speaks to me and she loves him so cruelly Then I'm on the sidelines still wishing for the impossible idea of her loving me truly

da-zz-edd I hate the fact she is straight and that both of them would be beautiful if they were together

[da-zz-edd]

I used to worry about how you would kiss boys as much as you kissed your booze but then I learned there is no sense in worrying about someone who doesn't care about you or themselves

da-zz-edd

[da-zz-edd]

I lie here in my bed with the house creaking from the emptiness and I can not help but think back to one year ago when you lay down beside me and told me I would be wanted by someone one day, little did you know I curled up beside you that night wishing you would wake up in my arms and want me too

da-zz-edd now she knows and now she doesn't talk to me