Untitled

You can't live your life for other people. You've got to do what's right for you, even if it hurts some people you love.

[fyeahjoshduhamel]

[daddy-rivers]

I wish we could have just kept them this small forever. 

[lillian-zorn-blog]

I find that very hard to believe.

Names don’t make a person, but nice try. Don’t start with that, Blake. That’s far in the past, and I’d rather not dredge it all up. But yes, I am still with Tony.

[daddy-rivers]

Okay, maybe five dogs who have the same color fur as her hair are, but it's close enough.

You think? I mean, the Rivers so fave have been pretty well..you know. Rivers like. Yeah, yeah. Water under the bridge, balloons floated away, whatever they say. 

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Yeah, that’s definitely worrisome. Does your wife know that you’ve got a drinking problem?

Please, being a king doesn’t mean anything. For I all I know, it could mean that you’re on your sixth wife, and the rest have been beheaded or divorced.

[daddy-rivers]

Who do you think my drinking buddy is?

It's a good thing my name isn't Henry then, huh? How about you then? You sill with the third boyfriend? Even if you should've stayed with the second.

[lillian-zorn-blog]

I feel like that’s something that should worry you, not something to be proud of.

It was only a week, thank you very much. And don’t act like you were some saint in high school. Because if anyone asked me who was the wildest, I’d say you.

[daddy-rivers]

I never said I was proud of it. But there's a good chance that I might be.

Are you kidding? I was the saintliest of saints in high school. Everyone loved me. Okay, maybe not a saint, but definitely a king. I'd probably say Ross was the wildest though. Maybe Gav at times. Sometimes Willy. Occasionally Drew. Most of the time Cleo. Every now and then Gemma.

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Why am I not surprised that that’s what you’re good at?

What? Oh, please, I was definitely the more mature one of us. Still am, actually.

[daddy-rivers]

Because it's something I learned early enough that it just comes naturally for me.

I'm not the one who made friends with a fake purple penguin because they refused to sleep for like a month.

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Yeah, that’s true, I guess. Unless you get really lucky. There’s some kids out there who actually like their parents.

To be honest, I’m surprised you’ve managed with kids. I never thought you’d actually grow up yourself.

[daddy-rivers]

And I've never had much luck when it came to anything other than finding the best play to buy cheap drinks. 

Me? You're the one I'm surprised managed with kids. You were totally the one who was a mess back when we were here.

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Kids never mean that. They want friends, not parents.

No, they’re really not. I’m sure glad we never adopted that kid from Africa, ‘cause I don’t think I could handle another one.

[daddy-rivers]

No they just don't want parents. Unless it's for money. Then you're the best person in the world to them.

Yeah, especially since it wouldn't have come from me. I can barely handle the ones that I actually made. 

[lillian-zorn-blog]

That’s what happens when you send them away to a boarding school.

No, because I wouldn’t be surprised if most parents have done the same thing.

[daddy-rivers]

I don't even know what I did wrong either. She told me to start acting like a real parent, but when I start to it's the end of the world.

I just- Kids aren't as fun as they sounded when we were sixteen. 

[lillian-zorn-blog]

What, and you never fight with your kids?

Please, I’m sure that’s not true. Unless you abuse them, but I can’t see that happening.

[daddy-rivers]

No because I don't see them enough to fight with them any more.

Would I be a bad parent if I said I've thought about it before?

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Careful what you wish for. With your luck, you’ll start fighting with her next.

What happened, though?

[daddy-rivers]

That wouldn't be anything new to us, so I think I could handle that. 

Let's just say that you're talking to the worst dad of the year right now. 

[lillian-zorn-blog]

Wife troubles or kid troubles?

[daddy-rivers]

For once I actually wish it was a problem with the wife. It's a lot easier to get divorce papers than put a few kids up for adoption.

[daddy-rivers]

I'm still not sure what it is about this place, but nothing ever goes right here. Something always get fucked up somehow.

[alexis-rivers-deactivated201609]

Well, fine, go ahead. See you whenever you guys decide to come back and embarrass us some more.

[daddy-rivers]

No you won't because I'm not coming back. Your mom might decide to, but she'll be the only person willing to be your parent at the rate you're going.

[alexis-rivers-deactivated201609]

It’s not that hard to figure out when I look just like you guys. Well, if you take my phone, I definitely won’t be calling home ever, so. I’m not going to waste my weekends driving, especially not after what happened last time I went home. Yeah, well, I’m not you, and you’re not them, so that’s not really a great argument. Yeah, but Max is the little angel of the family, so why would she want to talk to any of us, when she’s got the best of us there with her?

[daddy-rivers]

You really want us to leave, then fine. I'll just go find your mom and tell her that we're going to leave. Don't bother calling or anything either, since you don't already there's no point in changing how that goes since it's pretty much pointless to you.

[alexis-rivers-deactivated201609]

Not all of my friends are kids of your friends, you know that, right? So not everyone knows that you guys were nuts in high school, and are still nuts now. So you’re going to complain about me never calling, or coming to visit and then you’re going to take my phone? Yeah, that definitely makes sense. I would if the school ever gave us time off. Do you really expect me to just ditch school again? Grandma’ll be fine. She’s got Max there to keep her company. I don’t think she needs me calling her all the time.

[daddy-rivers]

Yes, but they also probably don't know we're your parents either, so it's not like it matters to them. The school has phones set up for the students to use, you can use those to call home every now and then. You also don't have to call us before coming home. It's a three hour drive home. You can come down on a Saturday and leave on Sunday night. You're more than capable of coming home every now and then. I went home about once when I was here and I can tell you that it did nothing, but make me and my parents fight more whenever we actually did talk. Max isn't you or Blake or Charlotte even. That's not even a good comparing.

[alexis-rivers-deactivated201609]

Yeah, because my friends aren’t at home. It’s not that bad. Everyone there already knows you two never really grew up. Yeah, I would, actually. Parent Week is for parents, not for adult sized children who have kids of their own. I do not! I hold it at a normal distance, unlike you and every other parent in the world.

[daddy-rivers]

We also grew up with half of the parents whose kids go here too. I'm sure their kids already know most of our high school stories already. Alright then. If we're going to be real parents, give me your phone. You don't need more distractions from your school work, so yeah, give me your phone. Well there's nothing wrong with coming to see us every now and then. We wouldn't have to FaceTime if you actually did. When was the last time you even saw or talked to your grandma either? Don't you think she'd at least like to see you every now and then?

[alexis-rivers-deactivated201609]

That doesn’t mean you have to act like five year olds in the process. Dad, you literally hold the phone two inches from your face. It’s hard not to hang up that quickly.

[daddy-rivers]

You never had a problem with us doing anything like that back home. I don't see what the problem is now. What do you want us to just start acting like real parents? I'm sure we could. You hold it too far away to be able to see you! I have to hold it that close to make sure it's actually you and not some other blonde kid.