I started the music from the beginning and concentrated on the lyrics in front of me. Today was a long day in the studio. I redid some vocals on other songs and was rearranging different verses and beats. I was a perfectionist. I had a long talk a couple of days ago with Justin and we were kind of back to normal; we are in a different place almost every day.
I didnât want to tell him how I felt cos I was afraid of him not loving me back, my insecurities couldnât be more right. He said heâd try though.
âAnd I hateâŚ.to say I love you
When itâs so âŚ..hard for me
And I hateâŚâŚ.. to say I want you
When you make it so clear âŚ. you donât want meâ
I didnât really wanna talk about it because I got choked up every single time I thought about that night. I didnât want him to settle with me but he was obviously doing that.
âIâd never ask you cause deep down, Iâm certain I know what youâd say
Youâd say Iâm sorry believe me, I love you but not in that wayâ
I donât want him to resent me.
âAnd I hateâŚâŚ. to say I need you
I canât walk away because I love him so much. My happiness is conditioned by him. I would have to leave and shut him completely out of my life in order for me to give up, to walk away. I know my life would suck without my best friend in it.
âWhen you'reâŚ. not there
I find myself singing the blues
Canât face the truthâ
I know he doesnât feel the same about me and I try to avoid it.
âYou will never know that feeling
You will never see through these eyesâ
Iâm not stupid, Selena still loves him; he has no obligations to me, whatâs stopping him from going back to her.
âCause deep down Iâm certain I know what youâd say
Youâd say Iâm sorry believe me, I love you but not in that way
Youâd say Iâm sorry believe me, I love you but not in that wayâ
I knew what this was from the jump and I continued it, I enabled myself and him. I begged him to love me but the truth is I canât force him to feel that way. Itâs not meant to be. I canât constantly give him 100% when he is only giving me 20%. I know he loves me but he is not in love with me. I should just give up cos Iâm done feeling like I canât fucking breathe, Iâm done feeling like I am incapable of loving. I deserve it. I want it.
One of the producers buzzed in the room. âYou good Sashaâ, he couldnât really see me crying cos of my sunglasses sat over my face.
âWeâre keeping the vocals. Letâs wrap it upâ
I wiped my tears from under the sunglasses, and made my way out of the sound booth.
I saved whatever edits I had and gathered everything together. I drank a bottle of water it felt so good to wash down my cotton mouth. The team slowly started to trickle out as I sat replaying all the vocals and organizing them on to my lap top once I finished, I called my driver to come get me from the studio.
I climbed in the car, I settled in the back of the limo to hear faint music as I went through night traffic.
My phone rang out. Speaking of the devil, Justin. I answered.
âSash, are you okay.â He instantly sensed my morose attitude.
âYeah Iâm fineâ I sighed.
âIâm just tired, itâs been a long dayâ I lightly said.
âYou know you donât have to hide from me. I get itâ
âBut you donâtâ I quickly said.
âI donât but try to make me understand, youâre also my best friend you knowâ
âI donât want to hurt you anymoreâ he said over the phone.
I felt myself let out a whimper. The tears started to fall again. I put my glasses on top of my head and held my face in my hands as I cried these heavy tears Iâve been holding all day.
âIâm sorryâ I apologized for crying over the phone. I didnât want to make him feel guilty. I hiccupped between air and kept on sniffling. I just couldnât handle it anymore.
Justin was comforting me and calmly telling me to breathe.
I caught my breath. âIâm dealing with it on my ownâ
âBut you donât have to. Come to my place, I havenât seen you this week"
I should just let him go. Move on already. Iâll hold him back. He will eventually resent me if I ask him to try to love me; I donât want to make him unhappy. I donât want to leave him though.
He was my best friend but lately the lines of friendship were blurred. Did we ruin the that special thing that made us, us?
âStop stressing yourself out for no reason. I told you Iâm gonna try, you are not forcing me, I want to be with you. Please come see meâ
âAlright, Iâll comeâ I gave in.
I gave the driver the new directions and within 10 minutes I was at Justinâs crib.
I used my key and let myself in.
âJustin, Iâm hereâ I shouted setting my stuff on the kitchen counter.
I turned around to see Justin smirking at me.
Before I could say anything, Justin captured my lips with his. The roughness of his tongue swept against mine as he moaned into my mouth.
He pulled away from me as he trailed his lips down my neck.
âI missed youâ he panted in between kisses. I brought his face back to mine so he could attack my lips some more.
âYou could have called someone elseâ I said jokingly.
He pulled away from me and lifted my shirt off and tossed it on to the floor.
âPlease your the most jealous person I knowâ Justin mimicked me. I shoved him a little. I rolled my eyes.
âSasha, you have a huge attitude problemâ Justin unhooked my bra and flung it somewhere.
âIf this is gonna work we need communicationâ he suggested.
âIs this your way of communicatingâ? I asked. We were supposed talk about our feelings rather than deflect it with sex which we were so great at.
He cupped my tender breasts, and the puckered his lips around one of my nipples sucking the it into his mouth, nicking me with his teeth.Â
His mouth still attached to my breast as he unbuttoned my shorts while he yanked it down.
âSomething like thatâ he mumbled into my chest.
âYouâre about to get your ass beatâ I looked at him. Justin laughed. âYou think Iâm joking but Iâm not playin with youâ I felt his vibrations on my chest, warm and content, it made me fall in love with him more, god I couldnât stop if I wanted to. I get lost in his eyes. I cracked a smile and decided to play along with his goofy ass nature.
âSee this communication thing works and just to let you know, Iâm the only one doing the ass beating around here, so tell me some things you want out of thisâ Justin smiled at me.
âI donât want an open relationship, Iâm also not here to control you; you can do whatever you want but I also have the room to be jealous and tell you that I am. Iâm not okay with you entertaining girls in the slightest, I donât want you to cheat, will I leave probably not, but donât do me dirty. No offense but I was really the only girl besides redacted so it shouldnât be hard to refrain from yo lil friendsâ I bit his chin.
âDamn we really doing it like thatâ he held my face back with his free hand so he could look me in the eye. He squished my cheeks squishing my lips and pressed a wet kiss onto it. I pulled back.Â
âYeah we are, Iâm not playing your little games Justin. Iâm not kidding. I get that your transitioning from your ex even though yâall broke up about two years ago. If you entertain that girlâs fucking shit, I swear to fucking godâ I raised an eyebrow.
âYou really put my shit on blastâ he lifted me on the kitchen counter.
âIâm communicating, Justinâ I smirked and opened my legs.
âAlright, can I get back to you on my decisionâ he distractedly said as he swirled a finger in my wetness and thrusted his thick finger inside of me, the familiar pressing on my walls made my legs fall open wider.
I lowered his head in between my thighs.
âCommunicationâ he said before he gave a long lick against my clit.
I ignored his attempts to tease me, then he halted his actions.
âCâmon talk to me Sasha, communication is keyâ I looked at him trying not to get impatient.
âYou talk and I keep⌠talkingâ Justin explained.
âWhat do you want to talk aboutâ I strained. Justin held up his finger to indicate he needed a moment while he continued to suck on my clit. This nigga was so fucking conniving. I moaned.
âSorry itâs rude to talk while you eatâ He explained.
This made me angrier. He only laughed at my facial expression with his shit eating grin.
âLet me get this straight, we are together but with no labelsâ Justin asked as he went back down and began his ministrations.
âYeah, thatâs what you want rightâ I looked at him honestly, with all joking aside.
âWe can always talk ab-bbout it. Thatâsss the thing about a relationshipppp, the rules arenât exactly fff-ffinal, we do whatâs besssst for us, this is not set in stone, I donât want you to feel like you are trappedâ I let my head fall back as his suction became harder.
âI donât feel trapped Sasha, you know how clingy I can be babyâ he smiled against my lower lips before padding his rough tongue in a swirling motion, I unintentionally slipped my hands in his hair. He added another finger and began curling his fingers in a come here motion.
âGood, Iâm gladâŚ.youâŚfeel that way.â
âDid you miss me?â Justin mumbled in between my thighs, he licked and opened mouth kisses while I began to shake.
âNoâ being petty was something I was good at.
âYou look really goodâ I felt him smirk, as he sucked on my clit.
âRemember youâre not the one in control.â He pulled his face from under me.
I slithered my hand so I could get myself to climax, no job is better done than by a woman anyways. Before I reached my apex, Justin swatted my hand away.
âSasha stop playing around with meâ he growled. I laughed until he slid into me and instantly my pussy clenched around his girth.
âFuck youâre so tight for me babyâ he groaned. I met his thrusts half way, I was so starved for him. I loved the way his hands felt on my body, his touch alone sent tremors of pleasure surging throughout me.
His thrusts halted as someone pounded on the door.
âFuck, just keep on going ignore itâ I begged. Justinâs thrusts began pick up from where he began until we heard the familiar voices of our friends.
âTell them to leaveâ I moaned in his ear. âmake me cum before you open that doorâ
âI canât fucking concentrateâ He groaned in annoyance.
âJustin get your ADHD ass together and fuck meâ
âI think Iâm gonna get the doorâ Justin winked at me.
âFuck youâ I yelled at him as he zipped his pants.
âWasnât I just doing thatâ He laughed.
âBarelyâ I yelled at him and threw whatever article of clothing was closest to me.
He left the kitchen. Where that idiot put my clothes? I threw on his wrinkled shirt instead, I quickly pulled on my panties.
In midst of a convo, our friends all nonchalantly kissed me hello like they werenât interrupting my impending orgasm..
âWhat took you guys so longâ Khalil asked while he closed the door.
âWe were just talkingâŚâ Justin winked.
They went straight to living room with all their stuff.
I went back into the kitchen to gather the rest of my clothes.
âWhat are they doing hereâ Justin looked at me confused.
âI dunno, you deal with it, not my problemâ I shrugged.
âBizzle where you at?â Za yelled from across the room.
âIn the kitchenâ Justin yelled.
Next thing I know the three of them were in the kitchen with us.
âY'all forget about us like thatâ Za jokingly acted like he was heartbroken.
âWe have our movie nightâ Khalil quipped.
Justin and I shared a look and really didnât remember how we ended hosting this movie night. Â
âWoooooooowâ Hailey said like a nigga who just got caught cheating. I snapped my head so quickly, this girl is too much.
âYou be hanging around them too much girlâ I shook my head and got a bottle of water.
âThat still doesnât excuse the fact yâall forgot about usâ Hailey said in more or less of her regular voice.
âMaybe we should all fuck each otherâ Khalil snickered.
âWhat in the hell is wrong with you. Youâre so fucking nastyâ I side eyed him.
âI was just saying we would have to fuck each other to be around yâall since that is all you doâ Khalil chided.
âThatâs not all we doâ Justin and I said in unison. I bit my lip. There might be some truth to that but I was deprived.
âI choke her sometimes, well most of the timeâ Justin poked back. I slapped him against his head.
Justin rubbed the back of his head easing the faux pain he didnât even experience.
âAnd Iâm the nasty one, thatâs some white boy shit â Khalil sized me up and down in my own house.
âI know your ass be choking girls too, donât frontâ Justin defended his actions. I swear he never wanted to admit he was white.
âWhat movie are we watching, honeyâ I fake smiled at Khalil.
âI wanted to watch White Chicksâ
âYou do fuck enough of themâ I said under my breath.
âRoastedâ Za laughed along with Justin and Hailey. We moved into the living room. Za started on the bags of popcorn.
âDonât even start with me, Sashaâ
âJustin is the exceptionâ I laughed.
Justin pursed his lips at me like he wasnât believing a word I said.
Justin sat on the couch and patted the seat next to him. I leaned into Justin as he put his arm around me.
âIâm the exception huh?â Justin questioned as he licked the shell of my ear.
I pulled his face into mine as I kissed his lips to reassurance. I pulled away.
âI need some moreâ Justin quickly mumbled against my lips. Justin finally pulled back.
âIâm the exceptionâ he repeated.
âI like men of color but you have full lips, youâre not that ignorant, and you also have a fade. Majority of your friends are black⌠I wouldnât love you the way I do if you didnât love black people the way you doâ
âI do love black womenâ Justin smiled.
âBlack woman, meaning only this black womanâ I corrected him with a peck on on the corner of his mouth.
âWhy are you not wearing any pantsâ Hailey interrupted us.
âWe were fucking before you guys came and interrupted usâÂ
âNastyâ Khalil said in disgust as he turned on the X-box.
âThatâs my babyâ Justin laughed proudly.
âIs that why youâre so crankyâ Hailey hugged me to her as if I needed comfort. I couldnât help but laugh.
âMaybe if you gave us a key, we wouldnât interrupt you from fucking all the timeâ Khalil suggested.
âI see your ugly face everydayâ Justin disagreed.
âHow come Sasha getâs a key then?âÂ
âCos Iâm fucking her, thatâs why, any person who can suck my dick the way she can, can get a keyâ he laughed as I blushed and shoved his chests.
âYeah thatâs why I have a keyâ I sarcastically stated, I rolled my eyes.
I got a key for almost every house, apartment, and car this man had. It was cos we have been all we had for a minute. Za and Khalil used to live with him before I came in the picture, but all of them grew up and got their own places.
I remember when he gave me a key to his house, it was a big step, he didnât even give it the girl he was smashing at the time. I was always with him, sometimes when he was on tour I would sleep in his bed, inhaling his scent because I missed him so much.Â
I always had a key to everything. Well not everything, he still hasnât let me inside his heart.
I was pulled out of my over analytic moment when Zaâs idiotic self tried to carry five big bowls on top of one another. âI have popcornâ he sang.
âDid you bring the hot sauceâ I asked.
âI gotchu girlâ he handed everyone a bowl and then searched inside his pocket for my bottle of tabasco and handed it to me.
Za settled down on the couch in between Hailz and Khalil.
Khalil kissed him on the cheek adoringly, âLove you broâ.
âYouâll love me more when you realize I also coppedâ
âForreal, aight thatâs why you my nigga. Popcorn and weedâ Khalil dapped him up.
âHow much you got on youâ Justin wondered.
âA half babyâ Za winked. As he pulled out a freezer bag from his backpack.
âSo you were just conveniently driving with 14 grams in the carâ Haileyâs whiteness came out.
âI mean you donât have to smoke it, if you donât wannaâ Za teased.
âIâm just saying, you should be careful, stop being so recklessâ Hailey emptied out a plastic bag of black and milds.
âSays the one who prolly has coke in her purseâ Khalil snorted.
I pursed my lips like the black guy in the gif. TEA!Â
Everyone laughed at her reddened face.Â
âIâm model, itâs for the cultureâ Hailey shrugged.
I eyed all the black people in the room like when some white people shit go down.Â
âDonât say that, donât say that for the clout, what culture you gotâ Khalil said.
âOooooooâ Za chimed in. He finished rolling his blunt as he licked the sides to mold it together.Â
âY'all remember when Justin got kicked out of the club for rolling the worst blunt"Â I couldnât help but laugh as Za retold the story.Â
âYou werenât even there, why are you laughing so hardâ Justin side eyed me even though I taught him how to do that.
I laughed harder at his expense because he became more heated.
âYou remember when he changed his race to african americanâ I said in hysterics.Â
âYou can say black, babe, itâs not like itâll offend us, not every black person is african americanâ I wipe the tears from my eyes.
Everyone was laughing so hard, I couldât sit up straight.Â
I saw Justin crack a smile at me.
âI thought I was wokeâ Justin said in defense as he held up two flat blunt he rolled himself.
âBarelyâ I laughed in his face.
âI said black lives matter thoughâ He pouted.
âI know baby, you are trying and thatâs what counts. You are definitely not as racistâ I pecked his lips.
Justin shook his head in defeat.
Justin placed the blunt in my mouth and one in his. He moved his thumb against the lighter and lit the end of my blunt first as I sucked in to start the burning of the tree. After I puffed my fist air of smoke, Justin lit his.Â
Soon the living room was under a fog and our laughter only increased. While the movie played, Za and I made jokes through out scenes.
Justin ended up throwing popcorn at me, I threw some back. I was trying so hard not to laugh.
âStop playingâ I said so he could only hear me.Â
Justin threw a hand full of popcorn in my direction some of it hitting Hailey in the face.
âWhat the fuck?â Hailey whispered.
Justin hid his face in my stomach, as Hailey looked at us with shake of a head.
She went back to watching the movie. Justin took another hand full, this time the popcorn reached Za and Khalil as well.
âYo who is throwing popcornâ Khalil looked over at the two of us why we giggled uncontrollably.Â
I felt popcorn rain on top of me and Justin, I looked up to Za behind the couch smirking like he was up to no good.
âThatâs itâ Justin bounced from the couch and began to chase Za.
I got up and shook off the popcorn on me. I heard the sound of running feet re-enter the living this time both these two idiots had nerf guns, Justin pointed his gun at me. Khalil was no where to be seen. They staged a coup on me and Hailey. They always pulled shit like this.
Hailey and I shared a knowing look. This was revenge from when me and Hailz won the last game, they surprised attacked us.
âChill, babe, this is so unfair please donât shoot, Iâm unarmed, you remember black lives matter Justin, you are so woke baby, I love youâ I begged Justin not to the pull the trigger, before Justin could answer I ran to get a hold of some nerf guns, Justinâs gun went off, the nerf bullet flew right by my ear, I turned the corner and got situated with a nerf gun and pack of bullets, I heard someone come in, I jumped aiming at the person but it was only Hailey.
âItâs just youâ I sighed in relief. She had a gun in her hand.
This was our hiding space last time the guys still havenât found where we hid our guns and amo.
âWhatâs the planâ she asked.
I tossed her a pink walkie talkie.
âThis is our mode of communication, we are going on a stake, make sure you are far away from them and have it turned off so they donât hear you if I come throughâ
âIâm going to check upstairs to see if itâs clear, you hide downstairs and tell me where I can spot them and snipe from the balconyâ I commanded.
We took this game really seriously.
We left the room, I stealthily made my way upstairs, I cleared out the rooms and made my way to the balcony, I clicked the radio âupstairs is clear, heading to balcony, copyâ
âI have located the boys, they are on the patioâÂ
âShit I have to get closer, Iâm coming down stairs. Keep me informed.â
I raced down the stairs, and went out the back door to be on the opposite side of Hailey. Hailey and I both spotted each other as the boys were making their plans.Â
We were both far away from them where they wouldnât hear us or see us.
âWe will wait until one of them is leftâ I said into the walkie. âwait for my nodâ
Justin and Za left to go back in the house, as we waiting or them to go deep enough in the house where they couldnât save Khalil.
Khalil was sitting there like a duck, blunt in mouth, his back turned to us. I nodded at Hailey and we closed in to the target. Once weâre both behind him, Hailey and I pulled the trigger and shot Khalil at the same time.Â
âNooooooâ Khalil dramatically sank to floor as his knees hit first. I saw Justin watch the scene from the balcony, shotâs were fired, Hailey and I ran away from the scene. 2 more to go.
âLetâs split up, I get Za you get Justinâ She said, I nodded.Â
âLet me know when you are done with your attackâ I said. Hailey continued to run where I hid behind the bush still watching Khalil pout as Justin come running down asking where we went.
Justin ran right by me into Haileyâs direction. Once he was far away Hailey said she located Za in the garage, I knew to go back to my spot on the balcony, I ran behind Khalil as his eyes were closed, I snuck my way inside the house and ran up the stairs.Â
I went towards the guest room with the balcony.Â
Hailey radioed me that she got Za. I saw her drag Za and sit him by Khalil on the patio. She snuck around back behind, so Khalil or Za couldnât find her but just in case Justin would show up she could aim for a nice shot.
I turned off my radio, I heard a click.
I immediately turned around with my gun pointed.
âI really donât want to do this, but you play dirty babyâ Justin said with smirk as he inched closer with his gun pointed and loaded.
âWhat can I say Iâve learned from the bestâ I circled around him looking for a point of exit
âDonât try to get yourself out of this one, I locked the doorâ
âI could just pull the trigger right nowâ I said with an eyebrow raised.
âDrop all of your guns, you know the rules, your back was turned to meâ
âYou shot at me with no gun today, that was also against the rulesâ
âNot if I missed on purposeâ He licked his lips. âDrop themâ
There was some sexual tension, but I had a game to win. We were both so competitive.
âHow about we make a deal, we both shoot at each other, you still loose, I still have Hailey, waiting, we would still winâ
âWe both know Hailey is no match for me, I know exactly where she is.â
âWe can walk away, we can tieâ I compromised.
âNot if I shoot firstâ He said. âDrop them first and we will make that dealâ
âI donât trust you, you wonât shoot first anywaysâ
âWhy you think that?â
âCos you only have one bulletâ I laughed.
âSmart girlâ He raised his eyebrows.âAlright, weâll make the deal, we both drop the guns, but you have to give head if you want a tieâÂ
âSounds like Iâm still loosing no matter whatâ
âWell guess we have to see, wonât weâÂ
âFineâ I rolled my eyes.Â
We both slowly put our gunâs on the waist tall dresser
Justin took my face in his hands and stuck his tongue in mouth, he sucked on my lip.
âYouâre so hot when you listen to meâ He whispered into my neck. I moaned into him. I pushed him away a little.
I clicked the the walkie talkie, Justin continued to suck on my neck âI have located Justin, I have one bullet left so Iâm have to wait until he is not as alertâ
âOkay no problem, let me know if you need back upâ
I placed the walkie back on the table and smiled at Justin.
âSee, I can be cooperativeâ I said with dripping sarcasm.
âI know baby, letâs see how cooperative you can beâ He smirked and sat at the edge of the bed.
I kissed him again ass he palmed breast through the big t-shirt that was his.
âFirst letâs rehash what we were doing in the kitchenâ Justin grabbed my ass as he ripped my panties in half.
âYouâll have to remind meâ I smiled.
Justinâs hands slithered down reaching my clit, as he spread my wetness around my clit, two fingers entered inside of me. I felt my eyes dilate with the lust as he pumped inside me, consistently hitting my wall, adding an amazing amount of pressure.
He pulled his fingers out of me, I moaned from the loss, his fingers were drenched in my arousal. He placed his fingers inside of his mouth and moaned as he sucked it in. I bit my lip. He was such a freak.
âSo deliciousâ He whispered on my lips, as our tongues connected I could taste myself on his lips, it was so erotic, I basically swallowed his tongue whole. He released his cock from his shorts and quickly thrusted inside of me, I felt whole once again. The ache I was feeling was getting fed. He slowly rocked into me as his hands were gripping against my hips slowly sliding me up and down his rigid cock, I felt like I would be the first one to cum. I have felt myself quickly building up like a wave, his deep shallow thrusts were making me moan into him, my nipples hardened at the rubbing against his chest. I was so turned on, fucking while our friends were waiting for us, just loving Justinâs rigid cock pumping repeatedly into me, he hit the same spot over and over and over, it was just right, his next thrust sent me in shock, as his cock hit a nerve that made me shake uncontrollably, I felt my impending orgasm rush through my whole body and I rolled my eyes back, his shallow thrusts slowed down as he lifted me off of his dick.
âI want to cum in your mouthâ he said as he pushed me on my knees and took his cock between my lips and sucked the head as pre cum rushed out. His eyes squeezed shut preventing himself to not shoot his load. I reached from under the bed and grabbed the gun I purposefully left under the bed the first time I came up to the balcony room. I smirked at my great plan.
I moaned as his dick was deep down my throat and Justinâs body jolted, he was about to cum soon, his cock twitched in my mouth as I bobbed my head up and down, Justin groaned as he shot his load down the back of my throat, I sucked every drop, his dick was a burning pink and his eyes were closed.
âOpen youâre eyes babyâ I said in the sweetest voice.
As soon as Justin opened his eyes he gave me a humorless laugh as I pulled the trigger releasing the bullet right into his stomach make a loud pop sound.
âI always win, babyâ I stuck my tongue at him. I tugged on a new pair of panties and pulled down the long shirt.
âHailz we wonâ I said into the walkie as I looked at Justinâs exhausted body trying to catch his breath.
I saw her run out of hiding and shoot the boys with the left over amo.
I walked out of the guest room, leaving Justin behind to replay how I tricked him.Â