Lost Little Girl..

Lost little girl who just needs her daddy but she doesn’t understand how to be healthy and lost him

[daddyslittlecessa]

Trying fight the bad thoughts

[daddyslittlecessa]

[daddyslittlecessa]

I dreamt of growing old with you…

Of seeing everything life had to offer

It was so beautiful so full of love

Laughter rang through the air all at once

Tears fell only when we had to say goodbye

Watching the sunset to one season

And the sunrise into another

The beauty of life hidden in your veins

Tucked behind your scars

How I be wish I could take them away

Make you see the you I see

The version of you that is the brightest light

In the darkest nights.. my brightest star

My wish come true

Oh how I long for those days

To hear “I told you so” ten years from now

When I’ve almost forgotten all about it

To have you feel the love I have for you

A love never given to any one else

My one true person.

[daddyslittlecessa]

How my insides feel right now…

[daddyslittlecessa]

The nightmares won’t stop

[daddyslittlecessa]

Stupid. Useless. Worthless.

[daddyslittlecessa]

Toooo thirds botrle painn med with bottle off ginnnn annnnd hapf bottle vvooddddkaa. Hidden from workd boodyy sshouuldnnr beeee findded foorr fe says. Bye byes pains

[daddyslittlecessa]

Not safe.

[daddyslittlecessa]

One day you’re gonna want space away from me… one day you’re gonna think I’m too clingy… one day you’re gonna ask if it’s okay if I sleep in my crate or on the couch or you’re gonna start sleeping on the couch…. One day you’re gonna ask me to grow up… no not ask… tell me to grow up… that I’m old enough to do things on my own… one day you’re gonna think I’m weird for everything I am… i don’t know what I’ll do when that day comes… but I know it’s gonna hurt… I’ll do anything to make you happy…

[daddyslittlecessa]

You lied…. You lied to your whole family… to your son… to everyone… you lied and for what?… you did it to protect me… to keep everyone thinking im some good girl who does no wrong… you told them you got angry and yelled at me and made me cry… that’s not true… you have the patience of a saint… they know this… they know how you truly are… and if you are acting differently… they know it’s because of me… you lied to keep me safe.. to keep things okay… but inside it feels like I’m going to burst at the seams… they don’t know the real me.. they don’t know all the things I’ve put you through… they think you are the bad guy… but in reality it’s me… I’m the one truly evil and heartless… I keep hurting you over and over and over… and for what?… I don’t even know other than I’m afraid… I’m afraid that I’ll get used to being happy to being loved only to wake up one day and have it ripped away from me…. I’m afraid you’ll see me.. the real me… that they will see the real me… and you will leave… what happens when I lose you… what happens when all the horrible things I’ve done come to light…

[daddyslittlecessa]

Trying to fight fears

[daddyslittlecessa]

Digo la verdad y no me crees. Quiero volver a casa, pero no se siente como un hogar. Soy un fracaso en todo lo que hago. Si existiera un premio a la mayor decepción, sería el único que ganaría jamás. Sé que no confías en mí. No entiendo cómo crees en nosotros cuando yo no tengo remedio, cuando soy un caso perdido.

[daddyslittlecessa]

It wasn’t a lie. It’s not temporary. I do love you. There is not my home. You are my home but I’m scared of it. Nothing feels safe. Everything feels fragile and like lies just waiting to unfold the second I take that jump or step forward the ground is gonna open underneath and swallow everything whole. The world will come crashing down. I’m scared. I’m scared that you won’t forgive me. That I’ll keep being accused of doing horrible things. I’m scared your family hates me. I’m scared that I won’t fit in there. I’m scared to move for someone again… what happens when you don’t feel the same way about me cause you’ve seen me again… and the rose colored glasses are taken away… you’ll see the broken mess of a person I am… I can’t heal you when all i do is break things..

[daddyslittlecessa]

I hope you find peace without me.. that things are less chaotic.. I know for a while they won’t be… just remember I’m not worthy of your love and never was.. not worth rescuing… focus on the bad things I had done and remember how toxic I am… that will help you forget me

[daddyslittlecessa]

[daddyslittlecessa]

Not worthy of being saved

[daddyslittlecessa]

Cada corte que te haces es un riesgo... un riesgo de infección... un riesgo de que sea demasiado profundo... un riesgo del que tal vez nunca te recuperes... Si me amas como dices amarme... entonces, ¿por qué sigues arriesgándote así?... ¿Por qué sigues destruyéndote?... ¿Acaso te importa algo?