Taka, local failure

(pokeirl) Not how I planned my life to go, but I guess that's karma.

[dadscarada]

Hi. I don't want to give my full name, so call me Taka. 55, ex-detective. Sinnoh-born, living in Unova.

Arceus is playing tricks on me, and decided to make me wake up as some grass cat thing. Really the last thing I needed, but probably what I deserved.

I don't really use social media, but I'm told this is where the greater "eeby deeby" community is, so I'm here to look into it and see what can be done.

I'm not entirely sure how this works, though. Can anyone read this? Is this like Maskbook, do I need to join a specific group? I'm a bit lost here.

//mail is on, m!as are off. however i encourage you to torment this man

[dadscarada]

Were you at the big bang with Arceus?

I'm sure I saw Arceus once or twice at those.

[dadscarada]

Did I seriously just get asked if I was at Stonewall? I'm old, but not THAT old.

[dadscarada]

It's been this long and I'm still not used to my body being...like that. This is bothering me.

[dadscarada]

you ever work with looker?

Dragons above, where do I even BEGIN with that guy. People love to toss around the idea of a "celebrity detective" even though that doesn't exist outside of TV. Except for him. But that guy ain't the most productive to work with. He doesn't even actually investigate, he'd rather ask spirit mediums or the I Ching than look at any concrete evidence. It's disgraceful. But people fall head over heels for that kind of esoteric bulushit.

[dadscarada]

[dadscarada]

Maybe I should try setting up a private investigator LLC or something. I quit my old job on account of not liking what a police badge does to people, but I had a talent for it. Maybe doing it independently wouldn't be so bad. You reckon being a weird cat would cause any issues with that?

You know, or I could just retire like a normal person. But apparently that's too good for me. I really need a damn hobby.

[dadscarada]

Could work with child services. Specialize in cracking down on abuse cases. Might be worth doing.

[dadscarada]

Maybe I should try setting up a private investigator LLC or something. I quit my old job on account of not liking what a police badge does to people, but I had a talent for it. Maybe doing it independently wouldn't be so bad. You reckon being a weird cat would cause any issues with that?

You know, or I could just retire like a normal person. But apparently that's too good for me. I really need a damn hobby.

[dadscarada]

-Hey, Taka, it's been a minute! Whatcha been up to?

@suddenlyauntiemaya

Oh, rotting mainly. I didn't even realize how much time has passed...

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Ah, yes, wonderful pass time, rotting. I have some time blindness myself. Did you ever come up with some kind of hobby?

[dadscarada]

Not really, no... The thought never occurred to me.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Well. Time to start thinking. Want to wander some stores with me, see if anything catches your interest at all? I need to do some shopping soon anyway, it'd be no trouble to have you along.

[dadscarada]

If you're sure... It'd be nice to actually get out a bit. I think I'm literally wilting.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Yeah, lets. Aaaand we’ll stop by the garden store to get you a plant light too, because winter is coming up and you’re gonna need one anyway lol.

When are you free?

[dadscarada]

Sometime soon, probably... I'm sure it'll help.

[dadscarada]

-Hey, Taka, it's been a minute! Whatcha been up to?

@suddenlyauntiemaya

Oh, rotting mainly. I didn't even realize how much time has passed...

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Ah, yes, wonderful pass time, rotting. I have some time blindness myself. Did you ever come up with some kind of hobby?

[dadscarada]

Not really, no... The thought never occurred to me.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Well. Time to start thinking. Want to wander some stores with me, see if anything catches your interest at all? I need to do some shopping soon anyway, it'd be no trouble to have you along.

[dadscarada]

If you're sure... It'd be nice to actually get out a bit. I think I'm literally wilting.

[dadscarada]

-Hey, Taka, it's been a minute! Whatcha been up to?

@suddenlyauntiemaya

Oh, rotting mainly. I didn't even realize how much time has passed...

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Ah, yes, wonderful pass time, rotting. I have some time blindness myself. Did you ever come up with some kind of hobby?

[dadscarada]

Not really, no... The thought never occurred to me.

[dadscarada]

-Hey, Taka, it's been a minute! Whatcha been up to?

@suddenlyauntiemaya

Oh, rotting mainly. I didn't even realize how much time has passed...

[dadscarada]

Pelipper Mail! A Gift of Desire, and a note that reads:

Happy holidays Taka! I got you something! Make sure to open it before Delibird Day though, or it'll expire.

No, it wouldn't make any sense to open a gift so early... But, even though I'm really not deserving of it, I appreciate you getting me something. Despite everything.

I'd been thinking lately that maybe there is a possibility that I can...at least try to live still. I don't know what to do with my life yet, but for once I actually feel a bit like the support isn't a trick...

[dadscarada]

I keep thinking he's here with me.

[dadscarada]

I'm back. Sorry. I had a bit of an episode. Thought he was after me again.

[dadscarada]

I thought therapy was supposed to make me feel less like shit, not more.

[dadscarada]

M!Anon:

You teleport to Maya.

[The Meowscarada, disheveled and shaking, seems startled from the teleport, looking around to try to figure out where he is.]

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*Have a brunette woman in green overalls coming over to peer at you, a calm look on her face*

Taka? It's Maya.

[dadscarada]

[He slowly nods his head, visibly trying to avoid eye contact.]

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Alright. Come over here; the ranch is a nice place, you can probably use the sun as well, and I'll get you some water.

*Maya genty tries to lead him over to some comfy looking hay bales that clearly have served as seating for some time. A few of Maya's pokemon are chillin' there also*

Actually, I think some tea might be better. They make a tea with relaxing properties here, I drink it a lot myself. Sit? Sit and take some deep breaths; I'll text my co-worker to bring me some.

[dadscarada]

[Taka sits himself down on the haybale, slouching forward with his arms limply on his lap.]

You really don't have to do all this.

[He's not sure if he's actually understandable, but...just wanted to say that anyway.]

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*She smiles slightly as she fiddles with her phone, probably sending the text she mentioned*

Sit and chill. The tea will be here shortly. It's good, you'll like it.

*The worlds friendliest Bellossom trots over to the bottom of the bale and makes a noise, which makes Maya absently reach down and lift her up onto the bale so she can come over to pat at Taka's arm. Hi fren don't be sad 😀*

[dadscarada]

[He nods toward Maya, before turning towards the Bellossom noise. Taka recoils a bit, as if nervous.]

...Hi there.

[He isn't really sure what to do. Taka's never really dealt with pokemon very much, and he doesn't want to make other people deal with his mental state...despite that being kind of why he's even here in the first place.]

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*She does a little dancey dance for him to try and help cheer him up, sing song-ing a bit. Happy girl! Maya comments idly, watching her fondly*

That's Peony. My first ever Pokemon if you can believe it. She's a sweetie. Also, this is my service pokemon Sylvester; he'll eat some of your bad emotions if you ask. Shuppet are great like that.

*A Shuppet in a yellow ESP vest with a politely curious expression floats over, making a curious sound*

[dadscarada]

Right, Shuppet do do that, don't they...

[He forces a smile towards Peony - poorly - before giving a gentle wave towards Sylvester as well.]

I'm worried my general hopelessness might be a bit much for the little guy, but if he doesn't mind trying...maybe it'll help.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*Maya just takes that as an affirmative and makes a practiced gesture at Sylvester, who procedes to absorb some of his mood. Two other Shuppet, one of which is shiny come over making eager noises as well. Maya snorts at this, waving them all to do what they like as she steps away to accept the incoming tea from another woman in identical overalls, speaking softly enough to her that Taka wouldn't be able to make it out. The other ranch hand leaves shortly after and Makay come back with the tea, plopping down onto a second bale and offering Taka one of the two glasses of tea*

Here. Drink up. It's sweetened, which also helps a bit.

[dadscarada]

Oh, now that feels weird...

[But he doesn't protest much to his feelings getting absorbed, watching the other Shuppet float about up until the tea arrives. He carefully takes it in his still-shaky hands.]

Thanks again.

[Taka slowly sips the tea, taking deep breaths in between, trying to re-stabilize himself.]

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*She sips her own tea peacefully, stretching out one of her legs to nudge Taka's*

Fyi. I'm suicidally depressed. Sylvester is my Emotional Support Pokemon; that gesture you saw is one of the ones he was was taught to help me when I need it. Without him and the others, I'd be dead right now probably. I also take two different antidepressants and have weekly therapist appointments. I'm pleased to say, since I've come here, my rate of suicide ideation is down to a few times a month, rather than most of each week.

*A sad smile appears on her face as she swirls her tea*

The tea helps too. I'm not trying to like. Say one of us is worse than the other, mental state wise. It's not a contest. And frankly, if it was? Anyone competing automatically loses by default. Only way to win is not to play, ha...

[dadscarada]

[Taka looks over, finally actually looking her in the eyes, but only briefly before his gaze drifts back down to the ground.]

That explains why you were so quick. You know what helps for you, and figured it might help for me.

[He takes another slow sip of the tea, watching some Skiddo scamper about a distance away.]

I never really thought of it as something that needed medication and all that. Always figured I was just weak. That I could get over it if I tried hard enough, or if I showed Arceus I wanted it enough. Guess I'm just too old-fashioned.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

There's no heroism is suffering for no goddamn reason. See the therapist, take a med if you get prescribed it. Torturing ourselves doesn't help anyone else, including us personally. So. What do you say?

[dadscarada]

[He takes a long pause, with another sip.]

You know...people have been saying that me getting turned into...this thing...was some kind of a second chance. Like I've been forgiven for what I did.

You really think that kind of thing's possible? That there's a way for me to just keep going after everything? Even this far into my life?

...But it's probably stupid of me to ask.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

You've gotta do the work. If you want things to improve, you have to try. You'd be surprised, how much it helps, even having a therapist alone. Bottling stuff up does no one any good, just makes you feel trapped. Volatile. Just having someone that hears you and listens is such a weight off. Makes you... Able to do more. Feel less like your drowning.

*Tea sip. Maya sighs, but she's smiling slightly. It's a melancholy smile, but still*

You should do it. If not for yourself, then for the kid. And any future family you might gain. It's worth it, I promise.

[dadscarada]

You seem really confident that I can actually have family again...

[He looks down at his lap.]

What about the kid? He wants me dead, I already know it. You think I could ever fix things with him? Or is it too far gone?

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

This kid. You wronged him. You know this; I think you owe him an apology bare minimum. Another thing is that this will ensure this will never be done by you again. Even if he wants you to stay away, this will help him feel safer. That you actually know you fucked up and are taking steps to fix your way of thinking.

*Little snort*

I'm not above a bit of emotional blackmail here. But, this will benefit both of you; it's not one sided. Even if he never sees it, it'll be good for you either way, hm?

[dadscarada]

...I'm scared of him, to be honest. Last time I talked about him I got this weird feeling something was wrong. Like I was being watched by something.

That's part of why I'm worried I haven't actually changed at all. Maybe I still have all that shit in my head still.

[He finishes his tea, setting the cup down beside him on the haybale.]

I don't know where he is, but the last time we talked...we had a short text conversation. Wasn't that long ago. He found a letter I'd sent out a couple years ago on the off chance he'd run into it. Had an apology in there and everything. He reached out to me after finding it. We didn't talk for very long though.

Said he got turned into a pokemon. I didn't believe him at first, but now look at me.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Mm. Whatever is up, not talking about it won't help, I can tell you that much.

*Maya pauses, looking at him consideringly*

Honestly, eebies are pretty common these days, so more and more resources tailored to them are popping up to. It'll be possible to find a therapist to work with, and plenty of options for medication that works just fine for pokemon biology if you end up needing it. You could even get a support buddy like me, right Sylvester?

*Sylvester floats over to her and sits on her shoulder with a happy sound and Maya reaches up to pet him and nuzzles him a bit, smiling fondly*

He's a good boy~.

[dadscarada]

Well, I've spent about a decade not talking about it, so maybe you're right. Fat load of good that's done for me.

[He shoots a small smile towards Sylvester, and another to Peony.]

Thanks for the help, little guy. And you too.

[And then, Taka focuses on Maya herself.]

To be honest, I think I just needed to hear it from someone I could tell knew what it felt like. At least on some level. Those anonymous folks, you really can't trust their advice for shit.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

*She sits up some more and smiles relaxedly at Taka*

My job helps too by the way. I’d be miserable in an office, but this way I get to be in the fresh air, not too many people around, and plenty of pokemon to pet. It does wonders for me honestly. You’ll find the little shit you do can add up, so don’t discount the small stuff. Got it?

[dadscarada]

[Taka taps his chin in thought.]

Maybe I should change jobs then. It's not like I do particularly much. Since I quit the force I've just been doing whatever office work would have me. I'm not even sure what I need the money for. Maybe finding a new calling would help...

Not that I've got the slightest idea what to go for.

[suddenlyauntiemaya]

Find what makes your head happy or peaceful and do it. If you have to try multiple things? So be it. At least you'll have something to do then hm? I foster pokemon too, and visist Paldea every weekend to visit my sibling and their family and spend a lot of it running around the region exploring. It's really nice for me.

[dadscarada]

Well, I guess I'll just have to start trying things...

[Taka gets up from where he was sitting, taking a deep breath.]

Thanks for pulling me out of that, Maya. That was...embarrassing. Sorry you had to deal with it.