I'm so beyond a normal state of mind. The moment I saw Haechan's eye make up I gave up. I like...need somewhere to just let out how I feel because it's too MUCH! 😭😭😭
He's so pretty. And I saw one of those selfies of him where he got his headphones looking like a true gamer...I'm- he...h-he's like the Lux to my Ezreal. Someone tell me they get the reference LOL
I'm sobbing, who else is feeling like this? How is he real? Man's got me learning his language just so I can understand what they be saying. 😭😭😭
the ending of twisted love got me all 😔😭 that was so good!!
🥳 awe thank you! After I posted Lee Haechan Keeps Breaking Up With Me, I was like....I personally need Haechans pov just to make myself sob 😭😭😭 like I'm supposed to be working on the rest of the series but I've been down so bad for Haechan it's just one of those times 😔😔😔
But yeah, thank you for enjoying it even tho I made you sad 👀 💚
NOTE | wanted to do another piece to Lee Haechan Keeps Breaking Up With Me. this is haechan’s side because I have a problem with liking angst a bit too much…any whooo. (i'll make a fluffy haechan fic to atone for my sins.) here is haechan’s pov from the series, i will put this separately from the series on the masterlist. 🙂
WARNING | no happy ending for haechan, mental breakdowns, manupulative characteristics, imaginations of a relationship that is no longer, emotional crying
SONG | mia and sebastian's theme - justin hurwitz
SUMMARY | Haechan had a twisted view on love. One that he pushed onto you when you became his girlfriend. Whatever it was, you’d be there at his beckoning call. Perhaps, the universe had decided that it was time for Lee Haechan to drown in his own poison. When he realizes that you breaking up with him was your final act in the relationship he falls apart, desperate to have you back in his arms. Even if he has to go through all the humiliation and pain he put you through just to have your pretty eyes looking for him and soft lips loving his.
Haechan had a twisted view on love. Perhaps it was his parents' negligence or how his first love broke his heart. He grew up wanting to feel needed by others. So he began to excel in anything he could think of. Great at sports, an amazing dancer and singer, artistic, and a natural poet. He did everything not to just be good at it but to be better than everyone else. Indeed it got him the attention he craved. He became popular in school and even more so during college. Haechan was particularly recognized by his trademark smokey eye makeup that he wore now and then; it was always an attention grabber. Who wouldn’t fall for those cute eyes surrounded with danger?
Everyone craved a piece of him he’d never give. One he thought he gave up after it was destroyed from his parents failure of a proper upbringing. And from broken expectations of love. Any woman that laid eyes on him wanted anything he would offer. Even if it was a mere glance accompanied by a smirk. But even though he relished in the fact that he was desired so badly, none of them brought him more pleasure than you did.
It could be considered a cliche. You weren’t like any other girl and so on. You were just different. In Haechan’s eyes it was a hundred percent true. Sure you could be just like any other girl. But the difference was the way you didn’t blindly love Haechan for his beauty. He could remember all the little things you did for him, the details you paid attention to when he thought no one was looking. Anybody could recognize his favorite snacks or drinks, hell even the clothes he wore or games he liked. But that was just it. People recognized it and bought him more. You, no you were different from his mindless followers.
He could talk to you about anything and you would find it in yourself to study upon those things so you can further your conversations with him. It wasn’t a simple minded surface conversation. None of that. You took your time, you asked questions, and you listened to everything he had to say. Always taking his words into consideration. And it was so adorable how pathetically in love you were with him. Because as much as he knew you loved looking into his eyes, he also knew how much you loved hearing his voice talk to you about anything he wanted.
Eventually, as Haechan would phrase it, he allowed the two of you to be friends. You let him take the spotlight and the lead because that’s what he was meant to do in the play written for two. He was the lead and you were part of the background. Sometimes, you weren’t verbal with your observations of him. You silently recognized that Haechan’s way of enjoying attention wasn’t because he thought himself to be the greatest. It was deeper than that. You knew this when he invited you over for the first few times, seeing a lack of parental figures to welcome him home. Watching how his eyes had that distant lonely look at times. As if he were tired of everything.
Haechan hadn’t realized just how much of himself he let show when he surprisingly found himself in your arms one day, his face slowly nuzzling into the crook of your neck. He wrapped his arms around your waist bringing you closer, sighing with comfort as you gave him all your attention.
And he loved every minute of it. Not only because it fueled his insanely inflated ego but because this was what he craved. Not those who just wanted his body but someone who would quietly love him. Give him all he wanted, all he needed, someone who didn’t take but instead would give. He would always keep you hanging on a thread because he took pleasure in how badly you needed him instead. How he could push you away for as long as he wanted and your hand would always hold his, eyes pleading for the piece he never gave.
He never said anything to you but he always joked with his friends at how pathetic you looked to him. How desperate you were to make him happy. He took advantage of the love you had to give him and although it was messed up, he knew you’d always come crawling back. He wanted attention, he craved it, and instead of looking at him like he was just a beautifully crafted doll, you looked at him like he was all you could ever want from life. Unaccepted flaws and all. He’d laugh at how easily you came back, blaming yourself for anything that went wrong and willingly trying to fix it so he’d look at you with a smile.
It wasn’t until you started working at some cafe that Haechan realized his little toy was malfunctioning. You had always been there for him. Calling him at any time of the day, sending him sweet messages, all of them full of love and worry just for him. Sometimes he’d answer, other times he’d push it off. He was playing a game of tug of war with your heart, sometimes he’d let go, making you tumble and fall. Other times he’d pull you so close, keep you and then step away to watch you fall. It was tiring for you but exhilarating for him. But something had changed and he didn’t like it at all. Your messages had become less and since he had the habit of doing the same on purpose, you barely saw each other.
He decided to test you, telling you he was busy with his friends but it wasn’t true. Haechan had all the time in the world. He just wanted to see what you’d do. And you failed miserably, disappointing him deeply. Three weeks passed and you sent him only good morning and night texts. You offered him the bare minimum. For three weeks, he’d lost his sanity, going to look for you on campus.
At first, he didn’t bother learning your class schedule. But after a while it just stuck. When he saw you, he stood still. Seeing your sad eyes looking at your phone, then resting your head on the wall where you sat. You looked empty and he knew he was the reason why. He just didn’t understand why you didn’t try harder. He remembered the way you immediately dove in for a kiss, surprised at how your eyes just glossed over, something so raw and desperate in you chasing after him. It made him feel wanted, it made him feel loved. It was how he understood it.
Love was a desperate and chaotic feeling. He watched with a sick thrill as to how you played it so perfectly. But what he didn’t realize was that the play he so perfectly played with you had a second lead. Never did he think it possible to lose you to someone else. In his eyes, you were someone others could only have the pleasure of laying eyes on but never anything more. You belonged to him only. He made that clear when he watched how your coworker glared at him.
Who knew that measly little Na Jaemin had a crush on you? Haechan had heard of the boy, came across him a few times, and decided he hated him. Jaemin was such a bore, the textbook definition of a goody two shoes. Helping the poor, volunteering for the community, and all that stupid shit. If anything, the newfound realization made him feel atrociously elated. Seeing as to how he had something others envied and wanted. Your heart and love was all his.
It wasn’t until the day at the bar that he realized, maybe Jaemin was the reason why you were breaking out of your perfect mold. He watched from the sidelines, how the boy had the audacity to put his tainted hands on you. And when he saw his lips brush against yours, the position so provocative, all he saw was red. Lee Haechan was furious that some other guy was touching his girl. You’d always been his girl and he took pride in that. His arm dropped to his side from where he had it around some girl at the bar offering him an amazing time. He was twisted indeed, he’d enjoy your sad jealous eyes pouting at him. Maybe he felt a little too good but he didn’t think it’d come back to bite him.
You would never know how badly you upset him after finding you and Jaemin walking to his car. He’d gotten in the way, knowing you’d say yes to him after he’d offer to take you home. And he’d smirk in Jaemin’s face, he’d gloat all he wanted just to show that you were his. But you did the opposite. And Haechan could almost laugh at how low he’d have to bring himself to get you to go back home with him. But it didn’t work. You not only flatout rejected him but you also uttered words Haechan never thought possible.
You had always loved him. Always wanted to see him happy no matter the price or sacrifices you had to make. Even if it was your own happiness you had to give up. But he watched you, hating the feeling that crawled inside him, one he recognized from when he was ten. He felt his breathing become rapid, nervous even, at how you broke into pieces in front of him. How you wished that Jaemin would be the one kissing, hugging, and touching you in favor of him because his love was reckless. His love was dangerous. His love was something you’d never had the pleasure of having and you were throwing it in his face.
He couldn’t move from his place seeing as to how his power over you started to harm you. He understood he was twisted. His view of love was all wrong, too strong, too much, too bad for your poor heart. But you never left his side and he never changed.
He thought, perhaps, the both of you had to take a moment to calm down. He’d gone home after the whole fiasco, avoiding all the mirrors in his lonely apartment. He had decided to move out a few months after dating you, enjoying his own space. Enjoying the things he could do to you behind closed doors. But also enjoying other company behind your back. His eyes had found a small mirror he had hanging on the way to his room. He noticed the anger, the red eyes that had turned glossy. He couldn’t possibly be crying. Not over some girl. Not over you, anything but you.
His mind did some thinking and he finally came to the conclusion that maybe you weren’t just some girl. You were his girl, he allowed you in and he wasn’t planning on letting go. The next day, when he confronted you, he couldn’t go through with his plan of staying calm. He got upset, his voice rising with anger. He manipulated you into giving into his pain and sadness. He sold his role very well because when you repeated the words he told you he couldn’t help the desire that flared up within him. His hands bringing you closer, lips parted to devour yours, and his body pressed on yours, a sigh of relief washing over him. When you felt the need to breathe, not recognizing this newfound intimacy, he let out a little sound of disapproval. Pulling you back into his burning embrace.
He didn’t have the capacity to wonder how he looked to you in the moment he’d lost all his self control. He blindly agreed to go to the music shop with you. Loving how gently you asked him, still seeking his approval. Lee Haechan always had the habit of breaking up with you and laughed at how you’d crawl back to him. He never saw how badly he’d fallen for you in return. It made the break up hurt like he’d fallen straight into the pits of an inferno.
A few days had passed before he’d seen you. Strangely, you hadn’t texted him at all. He decided to visit you at your workplace to invite you to his birthday party. He didn’t comment or dwell upon it too much but Haechan was looking forward to seeing you. He’d watch that glimmer in your eyes shine whenever they rested upon him. He believed himself an angel in your eyes disguised as the devil himself. He was temptation and you were his willing disciple.
When the words of rejection fell smoothly from your lips, a little bite to your tone, he felt the urge to scream at you. He couldn’t understand you. Why were you doing this to him? You were starting to play a game of push and pull with him and it was frustrating. One moment you were on your knees begging for the slightest bit of his attention, the next he’s chasing after you. You were playing with him, a manipulator you had become, he just knew it. He thought the problem was Jaemin. That had to be it. You were his girl, always would be, the reason you were rebelling against him had to be because Jaemin was poisoning your mind. He knew it the moment Jaemin let an amused smile grace his features. If only he could rip it off of him, he’d feel a lot better.
Instead you broke up with him. He had every right to be bitter with you acting all secretive around him. You couldn’t tell him why you turned down his invitation but you had the audacity to show up the next day to dump him in front of his guests? You had gone completely mental, insane even. It was impossible. How could anyone break up with Lee Haechan? How could you, of all people, even dare to think that you could break his heart? It was pathetic. Laughable.
But days turned into weeks. Weeks turned into a month and he realized with terrifying panic that you weren’t coming back. He waited and waited for your phone call. Waited for you to come crawling at his door, on your knees, hands rubbing against each other with countless apologies deliciously falling from your trembling lips. He looked forward to the desperate look in your eyes, the pain he’d see in them as he played his role of victim well. He could just imagine how pouty he’d look, hurt that you’d thought breaking up with him was a solution. He’d sigh in pleasure, watching how you’d do anything to please him and kiss away all of the pain you caused him. He’d act like he’d given you power over his body when really he would be the one in charge, knowing that everything you’d do would be a result of how to make him feel better.
He then started to feel pathetic. He thought he could easily discard you and his feelings. Throwing you away had to be the easiest thing in the world. And besides, you always made your way back to him. He wanted to believe that you had just lost your way. That had to be all. But one day, he couldn’t hold all the pieces that were falling apart and he broke.
Haechan broke in a way he never knew possible. He saw the look on his face reflecting back to him on his bedroom mirror. The look of someone who was trying so hard not to cry. But he ended up doing just that. He grabbed the nearest object, throwing it straight at the mirror shattering it the way his heart did. He grabbed everything he saw, throwing it in a fit of anger. Having to do something with his body because he couldn’t hold anything in anymore. He couldn’t stand still because it was all too much to bear. The day of the party he had made a mess of the living room, some of the frames you insisted on having in his apartment laying haphazardly on the ground, a bottle of alcohol in his trembling hands.
This was nothing compared to that. Haechan let out painful wails that made his throat feel raw. He felt all this pain and more while sober. And all he could do was let out his sobs, burying his face into the hoodie you’d always steal from. The hoodie that still had your lingering scent on it. He cried so hard that his head started to hurt. He finally accepted all the thoughts that plagued him.
Lee Donghyuck missed you so much it tore his heart into pieces. He couldn’t live without you because you never left his thoughts. Sometimes he’d turn thinking you’d still be there only to be met with silence. He’d get into bed, closing his eyes wishing you were there, thinking that maybe he’d feel your hand entangle itself within his hair, only to be met with an empty bed. He didn’t know who he was anymore. He didn’t know anything else that was going on in his life. All he knew was that he needed you back. He craved and desired you in a way that his body could not be still. He had to hold something, anything that had traces of you on it.
Lee Haechan had been his counterpart. The persona that protected the boy that was under it. Lee Donghyuck was the one who hid, the one who was always writhing in pain, sad and needing someone to love him. But in all his actions to try and protect himself he inflicted the same pain he’d felt. Because although twisted, Donghyuck wanted to mean everything to someone else. He’d found that in you and instead of letting you nurture and tend to his broken heart he broke yours too. He thought you’d always want him. He thought maybe you’d never leave him. But you did and Donghyuck had become the Haechan he knew. He was desperate for any piece of you. Any bit of attention you had, he wanted it.
He tried texting you, then calling but you never picked up. Eventually, you blocked him but he couldn’t process that you’d willingly go into his contact, the one you named Hyuckie with a teddy bear and heart attached, and select block. He’d left you so many voicemails, one after the other. It was worse when he found out that people were saying Jaemin was your boyfriend. You could never do that to him. How could you be capable of giving his title to someone else? That was his place, his spot, how could you!?
He started going out to find you but you always seemed to slip away from him. He just knew that Jaemin was hiding you in the back of the cafe. But you’d never come out and he’d had to leave. He’d come by to your apartment, knocking on your door so incessantly that the landlord had passed by once and demanded he’d leave. He tried to explain, asking even if his girlfriend was there. But the landlord refused to give him any information, leaving him with no choice but to walk away defeated.
He tried to look for you on campus but it seemed as though you were never in class. What had actually happened was that your Professor had fallen sick, opting to give virtual classes for the few weeks it’d take to recover. On the day you went back to in person classes, Haechan found you. You’d barely made it out of the doorway when you heard the familiar voice call you. You didn’t even bother looking at him when you hurriedly went straight to the stairs. Haechan shouted your name, his steps echoing in the hallway.
“Y/N! Y/N wait!” you knew you couldn’t outrun him, giving up as you heard Haechan slamming through the doors, hands pulling you back by your shoulders. When he turned you around to face him, you gasped softly in shock. Haechan was confident, his smokey eyeliner always bringing his eyes a lot more in a way that reminded you of danger. His outfits were always selected with much thought and care.
Seeing him now, Haechan resembled nothing of that. Instead, his eyes showed that he was tired and had most definitely been crying if the puffiness was anything to go by. His hair was a mess, nothing of the beautiful curls that would show at the ends down to his neck. It looked unkempt as if it had forgotten what a comb was. All he had on was a gray outfit made up of a hoodie and sweatpants. When he spoke you were surprised further with the vulnerability he showed.
“Fucking finally, I found you. I f-found you. You’ve been so hard to reach, my phone calls w-weren’t going through? Is your phone okay? Did it break? Do you need-” you cut him off.
“Haechan let go of me.” You look at him expectantly but his eyebrows furrow as his eyes begin to water.
“No…n-no I don’t want to.” He looks now like a child, one who's close to throwing a sobbing fit. And he proves not only his resolve but his strength of not letting you go by pulling you closer into his chest by your wrists. You try even harder to get away when you watch his eyes lower, his lips diving towards you. They land on the side of your neck but that doesn’t slow him down.
"I" kiss "missed you" kiss "so much." When he tries to kiss you again, you bring your hands that are still in his, up to block him. He lets out an angry whine as he pulls them away from your face. He loses his composure at your obvious attempts of rejection.
“Why are you acting like this!? You always liked kissing me before! Don’t you remember how much you loved me? You never let go of me before. Why are you being like this? What’s wrong with you!?” You return his angry glare and Haechan actually cowers this time, his heart hurting at the lack of affection from your part.
“The problem is not me, it’s you! I don’t love you anymore-” those were words he never wanted to hear. They were the wrong words, why were you saying them? It seemed that Haechan was full of surprises because your eyes widened at the sound that leaves his throat. Somewhere between a whimper and a cry.
“You’re lying! You’re a liar! You don’t mean that you’re just saying it to hurt me. B-but it’s okay, i-if that’ll make you feel better than yell at me all you want. Hurt me as much as you need. Just please…tell me you love me. Come back to me please?” Haechan forgets everything as his eyes display all the love you wanted from him. The desperate need to have you in his arms again.
You look at him, eyes ever so softly, your voice not strong enough to yell, “I have a boyfriend Donghyuck.” To you he almost looks drunk, as if his mind can’t process the meaning of your words and instead twisting them into what he wants to believe. He nods repeatedly, humming almost, knowing his next words.
He whispers so closely to your mouth, “Me, it’s me. I’m your boyfriend,” he even giggles as if some relief was washing over him, “I’m the love of your life. Your sunflower remember? I’m all yours.” His eyes don’t leave your features, taking in everything he can. He leans uncomfortably into your personal space, his forehead now resting upon yours. He brings his arms away from his harsh grip on your wrists, down to wrap around your waist. He hugs you with such force that you feel how his body trembles against yours. He looks like he’s scared that at any moment you’d disappear. You feel bad for him but you don’t let it dominate you anymore.
“Now you’re being delusional,” he frowns, “My boyfriend is Na Jaemin and he treats me right. He loves me. Donghyuck, that’s the difference between us. Jaemin reciprocates the love I have to give. You never did.” You begin to understand that maybe he didn’t take the break up too well. His eyes closed shut with such force, you thought he might harm himself with how tense he was. He starts crying so openly, falling slowly to his knees. You see that you’d finally reached the piece that Lee Donghyuck never wanted to give to anybody. But it was too late, you’d given him up already.
He looks up to you, eyes gazing into yours, “N-no. No no no…you said you loved me. Y-you said you n-needed me. Why are you like this? Is it because I was a negligent boyfriend? I was mean? I can c-change,” his words start coming out rushed again, panic in his features, “I promise I can be b-better. I need you to love me so it doesn’t h-hurt. Need you to love..can’t live like this, I can’t live like this,” he starts slurring his words together. Burying his head on your stomach, you feel the wet tears.
“...love you. I love you p-please I l-love you.” As much as you want to, you don’t show his broken heart mercy.
“You let me go first. You threw me away because of your selfish greed. Don’t you see it? You hurt me so much every time you pushed me away. And I know you’d laugh every time you pulled me in because my desperation was your amusement. You made me realize that I deserve better Donghyuck, I deserve to be loved too.” You let out a little hiccup when you feel his features distort into pain once again. His grip hurts you but you don’t do anything more as you try to ignore his sobs. His words act like a self-inflicted poison when he lets them go.
“So what? Is Jaemin supposed to be the one deserving of your love?” he looks up to teary eyed, “I can give you all you want. You have me. I can give you all the love I failed to give. I can be your happiness. We know each other. Perhaps not as well as we should but we’ll work on it. Jaemin can’t make you feel the way I do. He doesn’t know you the way I do. He doesn’t know your body the way I do.” You’re silent for a moment, trying to choose your next words. His eyes are expecting, hopeful, too wishful for the reality you're in.
“You’re right,” you barely get any more words out when he’s frantically getting up on his feet, a crooked smile on his face. He brings the back of his hands to brush his tears away and brings his arms around your waist once again.
“You see! He may have made you feel something but I know you don’t love him like you love me. You probably don’t love him at all. A-and don’t worry because I’ll stop all my bad habits,” his eyes sparkle trying to find the proper words as he stumbles over them, “I’ll stop paying attention to meaningless things. I won’t lie to you ever again, I won’t even look at another girl. I can be a safe boyfriend. I can give you all the love you want. I’ll be everything you want me to be. I’ll stop being reckless and I’ll protect your heart. I’ll love you the way you’re meant to be loved.” You wished that his words didn’t affect you the way you knew they did. Had it been sooner, you’d fall for his words easily. You’d let him kiss you, hold you, and caress you in any way he wanted. But a month was enough for you to give up. A month was enough for another boy to swoop in and make you realize his love was just right. Your story with Jaemin was perfect. But with Donghyuck it was a play of tragedy. Destined to fall apart, leaving one heart more broken than the other.
“Dongyuck, can you just give me a moment?” He looks at you with confusion.
“H-huh?”
“Just stay here,” you try to slowly push away from, “I need to process your words.”
“But you could do that here with me.” You succeeded in getting his arms off of you.
“Please just wait here.” You guide him towards the chairs that were against the wall and he watches as you turn and walk through the doors again. Before they close his voice reaches out again.
“You’ll come back r-right?” You don’t see the desperate yearning on his face. The fear.
“I just need some water.” When the doors close behind you, you stand there for a moment, looking pensive, walking around, and then you walk out of his sight.
He wonders how long it’ll take. His body unintentionally curls a bit into itself, his arms crossing in front of him, hands grasping at his sleeves. He tries to smile thinking maybe you’re going to forgive him. And you’ll get back together and be happier than ever. He imagines going on coffee dates with you. Getting ice cream and giving you those hydrangeas you liked. He never forgot they were your favorite. But he knows he was a jerk for giving you roses instead. He’d apologize though. And then you’d go to the music shop, he’d sing to you and you’d kiss him. You’d wear that pretty dress he bought you for your first anniversary. Speaking of anniversaries, it’s about time he gets you a new ring. A pair with both your names engraved on it to show a new chapter in both your lives.
Donghyuck is sobbing before he realizes the smile he had on was replaced by a frown and then tears. His hands look small, partially hidden in his sleeves as he tries to clean the tears away, hiccups now becoming audible. When he looks at the time, he sees that two hours have gone by. You left him sitting there alone with his broken heart just like he did to you. You weren’t planning on coming back no matter what he did. He had lost you and it was all his fault.
Your love is one of a kind. Your love is the one not worth losing. It should’ve been me. You should’ve been my everything. Now I’m nothing to you. Love me Y/N, I want your love even if you don’t need mine.
Can I just say that whoever is NCT Dreams graphic designer has me 😭 legit every comeback has the spiciest, cutest, layouts my brain could NEVER. Typography is sexy.
I like the album, it's Dream but I do feel a difference in the style of the songs.
Can I just say, and tell me your opinions, but the part where ISTJ slows down...coulda been its own thing. And I would've gone CRAZY. It was just soooo vibey like it coulda been on its own. It is interesting tho that they went with that in ISTJ, kinda reminds me of Rei Ami when she goes from rapping heavy lines to softly singing. But also at the beginning Jaemin had me deceASED.
(also...hot like soup??? LOL strange but endearing somehow)
Yogurt shake was soo cute. I'm still tryna remember these songs tho lol because there are so many and the vibes are different my brain just takes time processing.
OH OH OMG BLUE WAVE HAS TO BE ONE OF MY FAVES IF NOT THE FAVE AAHH 🌊 UGGHHGGHH THE WAY THEY SING HAS ME SWOONING. SAME FOR STARRY NIGHT IM SORRY.
Like We Just Met....no words tears only. Brain empty. The harmonization. 🥺😔🏥
NOTE | i just wrote all of this, it's not proofread lol. this is the start of the started with a book series. first book is called laura dean keeps breaking up with me. it's an lgbtq+ comic styled book. the art style is very pretty and the story itself, i find, is good. a coming to age story about friends, neglect, and toxic relationships. i followed the basic plot for the most part but all scenes, characters, and personal story lines are not 100% true to the original book. credits to the author of course for what i did relate to.
WARNING | reader has negative views of themselves, mentions of infidelity, manipulative characteristics, toxic relationships
SONG | i don't know you - the marias
SUMMARY | becoming lee haechan's girlfriend was the best day of your life. he was everything you dreamed of. the most breathtaking, and beautiful lee haechan was someone you were lucky enough to call yours. it goes unnoticed how he easily manipulated you into doing all he wanted, believing the pretty lies that left his lips. the love you had for him was enough to blind you to how mean he could be and how often he broke up with you just to get back together again. no one understood why you kept running back into the embrace of the boy who paid no mind to your pain. when you seek advice from the don't need that love online forum, your forced to face the truth. your heart is breaking slowly, your friendship is falling apart, and you can't seem to do anything right. and what would it take for him to stop breaking up with you?
Wiping down the cafe table, you find yourself lost in the repetitive motions of your work. You move your arm around, rag in hand, watching as the little crumbs fall on the floor. Placing the napkin dispenser and other items neatly in their respective places. Backing away from the now clean area, you take the used dishes to the kitchen. You hear the faint chimes that sound every time people walk in and out. It’s not as busy, that being the situation every Wednesday afternoon. When you come out back to the front you’re greeted with a small cappuccino made by your co-worker Na Jaemin.
“You look like you need an energizer. Don’t worry, the boss won’t mind.” Glancing at him and back at the drink in his hand you break out in a small but grateful smile.
“Thank you Jaem, what would I do without your kind gestures?”
“Crash and burn.” At that you let out a laugh that makes Jaemin’s eyes sparkle. Something you never noticed, eyes always wondering elsewhere.
“Honestly, I can say you read me better than my own boyfriend.” You also miss the twitch in Jaemin’s smile, lips almost frowning. But he reverts back to his friendly self knowing that the place next to yours wasn’t for him.
“Well I believe that your boyfriend is a little bitch.” You almost choke on your coffee at the sudden selection of words.
“Jaemin!”
“Just saying what I believe. An opinion tis all. Now finish up young lady, back to work before manager Suh comes in and sees you downing his precious coffee.”
“I thought you said he wouldn’t mind.”
“Hmm did I?” You stifle a giggle as you finish up your tasty cappuccino. Although he had been partially messing with you when he called your boyfriend a little bitch, you couldn’t help but wonder if Haechan wasn’t the best boyfriend in the world. You could’ve gone without the name calling. Visibly, you sigh as you throw your coffee cup away, thoughts of Haechan lingering in your mind. Most of the time, the emotions you felt when remembering him were sad and lonely ones. You oftenly had to wonder where he was or if he’d call you. Maybe he’d forgotten about you completely at times. You weren’t sure but you hoped it wasn’t so.
When the chimes ring again, you look up ready to greet the incoming customer when you realize it’s your bestfriend Mark. Your smile diminishes as you watch the evident frown and glaring eyes. When he stops at the counter you don’t even get one word out before he speaks up.
“What happened to showing up to my show at 4 pm sharp?” Your eyes widen. Shit.
“M-Mark, I am so sorry. I didn’t mean to miss it, Johnny called me in to work yesterday and I forgot to follow up with you. Please I’m sorry, I-I can make it up to you.”
“You can’t because you always do this.”
“What do you mean?” You feel yourself try to hide, curl into yourself as Mark’s words leave painful imprints on your chest. You couldn’t blame him though, it was your fault. Only you were to blame for being a fuck up of a girlfriend and best friend.
“You always come to me when you need something or when you’re down. Mostly when your jerk of a boyfriend doesn’t give you any attention. But when I want to go to you you’re never there. When I tell you I have a show that I really care about that I would love for my best friend to show up to, you forget. It’s not fair.” Mark looks near tears as he speaks to you in a tone that always felt alien to you. He starts to turn away, opting to just leave at that point.
“Markie, wait, don’t go I really am sorry!”
“Fuck off Y/N.” There’s the sound of a choked off sob, tears tricking with a heavy heart in hand. You jump slightly when Jaemin’s hand comes to soothingly rub your back, arms bringing you into a hug.
“It’s okay Y/N, it’ll be okay. If you want, go home and rest up a bit, it’s not a busy day and I can talk to manager Suh.”
You want to shake your head and say no, that you’re fine and that you can do your job but Jaemin doesn’t let you. And even if his intentions were good, it only made you feel worse. Not only were you a careless best friend and boring girlfriend, but now you were a useless co-worker. Walking out of the cafe, your eyes were trained on the sidewalk, the tears still streaming down your face. They didn’t stop even when you reached your house. Not until you fell asleep with only a pillow to hold.
~
You spent the entirety of the following week trying to make up for your mistake. You kept apologizing, telling him that you appreciated him a lot and supporting him during his recordings. He accepted it, also apologizing for telling you to fuck off but you told him there was no need. He was right to be upset with you and you promised that this time, you’d work on being a better and attentive friend. Knowing that the only thing Mark was forgetful about was eating properly, you oftenly brought him lunch boxes and coffee from your workplace.
You were aware that Mark wasn’t a big fan of your boyfriend. And it frustrated him to see the frequency of your visits with lunch boxes in hand not because he wasn’t grateful but because he knew Haechan never saw any of this. Your boyfriend was as good as a ghost, even dead. He hoped that one day, you’d have the courage to leave him and be happy. You were his childhood friend and seeing how those eyes of yours morphed into something sad and empty would always be a sadness of his own.
It was Tuesday morning when you walked out of the recording studio, bidding farewell to Mark. You made your way towards the Art Building, where your Intro to Art and Visual Culture class was scheduled in about thirty minutes. You sat on one of the seats in the hallway to wait for your class to begin. Scrolling through your phone, you couldn’t help but see what Haechan had been posting. He told you he was busy, it was why you hadn’t seen him in over three weeks. If hanging out with friends at a bar could be considered busy. You never complained or called him out for anything. You weren’t that type of girlfriend and Haechan would probably be annoyed if you were.
Still, you couldn’t help but wish that those pretty eyes would look at you. You could almost imagine him walking up to you, wearing nothing but jeans and an oversized hoodie. You’d look to your left, seeing him sit down next to you, getting lost in those sparkling and mischievous eyes. The pretty marks that dotted his face, creating the Ursa Minor constellation. You would adoringly call him your little bear because of it. His hair had always looked soft, grown out and messy but it was your favorite out of all the ones he’d worn before. You liked how it almost came around his eyes and down to the back of his neck. When you blink again, his image is gone and you’re left with an empty seat, just a picture of him on your phone case.
Your head falls back gently onto the wall behind you, eyes closing. What would it take for Haechan to just see you? To love you like you did him? He had to at least somewhat love you. He wouldn’t keep coming back if he didn’t, right? It felt more like something you tried to tell yourself to believe instead of what could be the actual truth. Maybe Haechan didn’t love you. Or maybe you were asking for too much when you were not enough. Still, Haechan was yours. At least a piece of him had to be yours, even if your entirety belonged only to him. When your eyes open, moving to the side, you see his smiling face.
“I wish you were real.”
“If I weren’t then what would I be? A ghost?” You blink once and then again. By the third time, he’s still sitting there. That dazzling smirk spreads across his face as it always did. Suddenly, he brings himself closer, head tilting and lips aiming straight for yours. You felt that emptiness fill again, forgetting all the bad thoughts that clouded your mind. Before he could pull away, you surprisingly let your fingers slip into his hair and hold him there for a bit. He lets a muffled sound of what seems surprise as he lets you get lost within him.
For you it was everything but for Haechan, he just relished in the way he held your delicate heart in his hands. Always at his beckoning call even when he discarded you. He could always present himself in front of you and you’d be like a puppy waiting for their master.
He pulls away from you, eyes hooded when he sees you chase a bit after him. You miss the bad glimmer in his eyes, when he takes a good look at your closed eyes, lips colored red and swollen. You feel his hand come up to caress at your cheek softly, a great contrast from the manipulative feelings burning within him.
“Darling, you look so cute like this. Maybe I should keep you waiting for my kisses more frequently.” He clearly knows what he’s doing and saying when he watches the sad frown grace your lips.
“I missed you so much. I haven’t seen you in three weeks now. Where have you been?”
“I told you I was busy doing stuff. My friends needed me. But I remembered about your class today and since I didn’t have anything to do I thought maybe we could go somewhere.” Another frown, another internal flare of manipulative words. A never ending dance doomed for tragedy.
“Hyuckie, I have class in twenty minutes.”
“The same class you attend every Tuesday for five months. Missing one class isn’t going to affect you. Besides, don’t you want to spend time with me? You said you missed me.” Haechan’s hand retracts, his thumb lightly grazing now at your neck.
“But I like this class a lot.” This time it’s Haechan who frowns, observing how you’ve become a little resistant to him.
“What, so you like your class more than me? I thought I meant more, that I was important to you above all else.” When you see him pout he knows he’s roped you in. He likes the desperate look to please him and wonders what he did in life to find such a willing girl that wants to see him happy and sets her heart right out in front of him. He could almost laugh.
“Fine, fine. But only this one time. I can’t keep skipping classes.”
“Don’t worry love, no one will notice you’re missing and we can have fun.” No one would ever notice you the way I do. See you the way I do. Your heart, it’s all for me to play with and do as I please. And you could never dream of saying no to me my love.
Haechan grasps at your hand now, excitedly dragging you away. To you, not much else mattered more than keeping him happy. Even if it was at the expense of your responsibilities and well being. As long as he could smile with those dazzling eyes into yours, you thought that was enough.
“Where are we going Haechannie?”
“Anywhere we want.” Anywhere I want.
“Can we get coffee together?”
“Should we?” No.
“Unless you don’t want to, we could go get ice cream if you’d like, I know you like that one place by the bookstore.”
“Hmm, I guess we’ll get ice cream then!” Of course we are.
“Haechannie?”
“Yes?” What?
“I love you.”
“Me too.” Of course you do, who wouldn’t?
And eventually when you do get your ice cream and he pays for you, you get a piece of him. You enjoy it to the fullest. But as you're finishing your treat, he does what he always does. When his eyes find his friends he lets those words roll smoothly out of his mouth. I’ll be back so wait for me here.
You tell yourself he’ll come back. But you always knew what those eight words meant. Even if you denied it as hard as you could, the rising moon could not deny it for you.
Haechan left you in the dark again.
~
Dear DNYL,
My name is Y/N and I’m a third year college student at Dream University of the Arts. I’m currently in a relationship with my sweet boyfriend Hyuck. I love him dearly. He’s a great guy deep down. When he first asked me to be his girlfriend, I was sitting on a singswet and he was kneeling in front of me. He looked at me, I know he took a really good look at me. He was so sweet, his hand held mine, and he told me that he had never met another girl like me. He said he wanted to keep me all for himself.
But I think that things aren’t going very well. I just can’t figure out why. I love him and he loves me. I know he does. He buys me ice cream. Even pretty flowers because he knows I like them. He lets me join in on his streams. He’s a gamer. He’s pretty good at it too. I’m not as good so he doesn’t let me embarrass myself in front of his friends. I know he’s taking care of me by doing this.
I just can't seem to understand something. Even with all this love, Hyuck sometimes feels upset. And I don’t know how to fix it. I know it’s my fault, I should pay more attention to him because I’m his girlfriend. I care for him a lot. But I don’t know how to fix it because truthfully, my boyfriend Hyuck keeps breaking up with me and I don’t know what to do. Please reply soon.
Lots of love,
Y/N
~
It was a mistake. Your balance had failed and the other boy had been too close. You were slightly tipsy, waiting on the couch for your boyfriend. He invited you to the bar he frequented with his friends. You were okay enough to know that you were going to have to apologize again. Not only to Haechan but to Jaemin too. Your boyfriend was so caught up in talking to some other person that he forgot about his promise to take you home half an hour ago. You decided to take matters into your own hands, not being able to take the sight in front of you.
Jaemin hadn’t taken very long to find you. He came over to you asking if you were okay, you only replied with a small yes as you took his hand into yours. But the world was spinning so when you fell back, Jaemin tripped over you, lips brushing against yours. It was straight out of a dramatic story. But he didn’t stay more than a second like that when he was getting up, ears red, and stuttering apologies. You laughed, waving it off, and telling him that you’d really like to go home.
Jaemin held you close to his side, when his eyes came up, he noticed the silhouette of the person he could honestly say he hated. He watched as Haechan’s arm retracted from the girl next to him, eyes engaging him in a furious glare. Before anything else could happen, Jaemin pulls away first, his top priority being you.
“Let’s take you home okay?” You nod, letting him guide you to his car. You don’t notice the familiar steps that hurriedly hit the payment. It’s only when he’s blocking you from Jaemin’s car that you realize Haechan followed you out. He looks towards you, extending his hand out for you to take.
“Y/N, I’ll take you home.”
“If you haven’t noticed I’m taking her home.”
“I wasn’t talking to you. Y/N, let’s go now.” He moves forward to take almost by force but stops when he watches with shock at how you sink deeper into Jaemin’s arms. You most certainly did not just reject Haechan in preference of Jaemin. You couldn’t have done that.
“Y/N?” He tries to soften his voice, masking the edge and frustration he’s feeling. To him, there was definitely something wrong with you. You’ve been resisting him recently and he wasn’t a fan of it.
“You didn’t take me home. Jaemin…will do it. He listens.” Jaemin moves around Haechan, still holding onto you as he places you in the passenger's seat. He was sure to properly accommodate you. And when you saw that, your hands came up to try and wipe away your tears. Your sobs may have been hushed but Haechan heard them loud and clear. He turned to watch as you completely fell apart, telling Jaemin so openly that your chest was hurting. That you wanted it to stop. And then before Jaemin closed the door, you uttered words neither boys would’ve ever thought you’d say.
“I wish you were my boyfriend instead. You’re not reckless. You make me feel safe Nana.” It was funny, how they both stilled, eyes wide with shock but for completely different reasons. Haechan felt humiliated. He was hurt but his brain processed all the wrong reasons. Thinking that he was losing his control over you was what he thought bothered him. Jealousy? Of course it was, you were after all his. Jaemin on the other hand, felt sad that he wished it would be the same. But he knew that the moment you’d sober up, you’d forget all of this. And you’d go back to the very arms you were running from tonight.
When you arrived at your house, Jaemin had to carry you. You were at the same low you found yourself in whenever Haechan was around. Jaemin was seeing it all and you couldn’t help the embarrassment in you. But Jaemin didn’t care about any of that. What he cared about was your wellbeing. He loved you more than his words could convey. It ripped him apart to watch Haechan bring you down and toy with you as if you were nothing. But he could never force something that was not meant to be. All he could was be a good friend, it was all he could be even if he craved for more.
“I’m sorry.”
“What are you sorry for?”
“Making you…drive me home. Bothering…”
“You don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m here when you need me.”
“Sorry about the kiss. Lost my balance.” For all the self control Jaemin had, he didn’t want to stop his next words. He wouldn’t regret them, he’d just regret the feeling of your inevitable rejection.
“I kinda liked it.”
“Hmm.” Jaemin sighs at your response.
“Of all times you decide to fall asleep on me, it’s the moment I bare a piece of my soul. Sleep well Y/N.” He leaves the door to your room ajar and walks towards the sofa bed in your living room. He doesn’t want to leave you alone in this state, well aware you’d need someone to take care of you in the morning. If only he could hold you, brush his fingers through your hair, and kiss you again. Even if it was selfish, he wanted to be in his place. He’d always want it to be him instead.
~
Dear Y/N,
Thank you for reaching out to us! I’m Renjun, one of the consultants from Don’t Need That Love. I just want you to know that I’m proud of you for sending us your letter. I want you to take a moment. Just take a moment to breathe. Focus on yourself as you read this and put away all other thoughts. I want you to know that as a consultant here, I am very honest with my words from what I collect from these letters. Although, it may not be what you wish to here, we do this to give perspective on what may be happening in your love life. At the end of the day, I am here to help.
The relationship you are in is not very healthy. Significant others are meant to be there for you, cherish you, and make you happy. But I think you’ve convinced yourself that your boyfriend doing all these things for you is his way of showing his love. I think he tries to manipulate you with his words, to make himself seem like he’s upset and guilt you into giving in. You don’t need someone else to validate you as a good person. You work on accepting yourself as you are. And if there’s someone in your life who truly cares about you, they will be the ones to talk about healthy changes you need to consider.
Not allowing you to play games and to just watch his streams because his friends are there, is not an excuse. If anything he’s supposed to stick up for you. He has probably tried to mold you into someone who is dependent on him. To have you any time he calls out.
Let me ask you sincerely, do you think Hyuck truly sees you for the person you are? Does he know all the things you enjoy? Does he respect you and your friends? Does he agree and accept your words even if it’s a simple opinion or request? Ask yourself, how do his actions reflect the love he says he has for you. Write it out if you’d like, think upon it and then if you want you can write to me again. I hope to hear from you soon.
Lovingly,
Renjun
~
“We need to talk.” It was the first time Haechan wasn’t so kind to you. Before, it was an exchange of a few words and then him abruptly walking away. But now, he dragged you by your arm, fingers painfully digging into your skin. He led you into the alleyway next to the cafe you worked at. Letting you go, he let his arms fall at his sides. He ignored the way you rubbed your arm to soothe the pain.
“Were you trying to hurt me last night?” You winced.
“N-no, I didn’t mean to-”
“So what, you were just caught up in the moment. For fucksake he was on top of you and you let him!”
“I didn’t mean to do it! It was an accident!”
“So if I were to just kiss any other girl I’d be able to call it an accident? Is that how much my love means to you?” It hurt that he’d accuse you but it didn’t outweigh the guilt you felt for hurting him too.
“No, of course not. Your love means so much to me I-”
“Do you remember what you said to Jaemin?” For some reason, Haechan looked more hurt than you’ve ever seen. His eyes were slightly red as if he had cried.
“W-what are you talking about?”
“You called him to pick you up. Because I didn’t do it as soon as you wanted to. You told him he listens to you. Do you think that I don’t? You think I’m an inadequate boyfriend.”
“Hyuckie no-”
“You told him you wished he were your boyfriend instead!” His statement shuts you up immediately. Hands shaking nervously from the onslaught of accusations. You were drunk but you knew what you had said. And although you avoided that conversation with Jaemin, you knew it was inevitable with Haechan.
“Should we just break up?” At this you panic and Haechan laughs, relishing in how immediately you reached out to him. You’re still mine. You belong to me and no one else.
“Darling, every time we break up we always find our way back. You understand me and I’m the only one who understands you. What we have is more important than a meaningless kiss you shared with that bastard,” he watches your lips slightly frown, “unless you think he’s more important to you than I am.” You shake your head, giving the answer he wanted.
“I want to hear you say it, love. Say I’m more important to you than him.”
“You’re more important to me than him.”
“So we’re good now. Okay lovely?”
“Yes Haechan.”
“Good,” Haechan moves in to kiss you and you know he never does little pecks. He brings you closer, kissing you in a way you don’t recognize. Because this time, it’s you who tries to pull away gently and he who lets out a sound of disapproval, reaching to kiss you again.
“I know you have to get back to work but after you get off let's go on a date. We’ll do anything you want.” You blink up at him, eyes almost innocent and he feels something strange spread in his chest.
“Anything?” He nods.
“Can we go to the music shop? I want us to listen to music together.” Haechan, who is usually so composed, feels a haze in his mind as he gives in to you. He tells you that he would love to. And he tries to understand why he’s feeling this way but as it always happened, he recognized all the wrong reasons. This time, he thought it was simply because he almost lost his little toy. But you came back into his arms, you always would.
~
“Mark, I’m sorry. Please believe me I-”
“You know every fucking time I see you, your always apologizing. And it’s getting very tiring Y/N. I thought we were fine, thought you were doing better.”
“I don’t mean to-”
“What? You don’t mean to be a shitty friend? Goddammit, I feel like we’re going in circles. Why can’t you see your boyfriend is a complete asshole? He doesn’t love you!” Mark’s words were meant to hurt you. You knew that much. But hearing him openly express them made you want to cry. And it seemed that it was all you ever did. You were happy one moment crying the next. And it never seemed to stop.
Currently, you stood in Mark’s room, it changed a lot from how he had it as a kid. Now, you could say it was a perfect depiction of who he was. He loved music, he would say he wouldn’t know what to do with his life if it wasn’t for his passion. It looked lively with all the album covers on his walls, music sheets thrown about and instruments on one side.
But looking at him now, he didn’t have the brightness about him. He looked drained and it scared you of how much he seemed to resemble you.
“H-he does love me.”
“Of course he does. Little Mr. Perfect with the dazzling eyes could never hurt you. Oh no, he loves you so dearly that’s why he goes around fucking other girls behind your back.”
“What?” Mark looks to you clearly now, the color draining from both your faces.
“Mark, what are you talking about?”
“You can’t tell me you didn’t know? How could you not know?” An unfortunate turn of events but maybe this was what served as the eye opener you needed.
“Mark?” He looks towards you, frustration in his shoulders but tears rolling down nonetheless.
“I guess that makes two of us. How pathetic. Not only are we best friends who share birthdays but now we can both say we got cheated on.”
You took a moment to process what he was saying. You knew you were a lot of things. Stupid. Ignorant. Foolish. But you weren’t entirely heartless. And only others knew that you were more selfless than selfish. You walked towards Mark, without saying a word you pulled him into an embrace. That was all it took for him to break down.
Mark was a good kid. He did his work diligently and he was one of the most talented musicians at the university. He had a growing following on his platforms. He was always a good son and tried to be a good friend. He thought he had to meet everyone’s expectations and beyond. You often had to bring him down from that cloud and back to earth. Mark didn’t have to try and be perfect because he already was. He just had to be the best he could be. Your hands came to touch his face, knuckles brushing away gently at his tears. You should have been there for him. You should have been a better friend. But you failed him and this was something you’d never forgive yourself for.
“I think there’s a lot we have to discuss about Markie. I’m sorry for not being there. But I’m here now. And I won’t go away anymore.”
And so with that, Mark explained to you that his girlfriend of three years had cheated on him with one of the boys in his piano class. He told you about how he found them, how upset he was, and how badly she tried apologizing for her mistakes. But he realized that he couldn’t take it. That the only person who he couldn’t push away no matter how many times she apologized was you. He could learn to live without her but he couldn’t do that with you. And after talking for hours about him, the topic you dreaded finally came up. And after everything you heard, you realized a lot of things about yourself. Things you finally had the courage to change.
~
Haechan came around to your coffee shop, smirking at the obvious glare Jaemin sent his way.
“Y/N, you’re gonna go to my birthday party tomorrow right?” Looking up from behind the cash register, you watch Haechan leaning on the counter.
“I thought your birthday was next week?”
“It is but I’m celebrating it tomorrow. I’m inviting all of my friends too. Don’t worry I can pick you up.”
“Haechan, I appreciate it but I have something really important to do.” Haechan frowns. Did you…just say no without apologizing? He straightens up to look at you more clearly.
“What’s so important that you have to miss my birthday party?”
“It’s personal.”
“So now we’re keeping secrets?”
“You’d know a lot about keeping secrets.” Haechan has the audacity to scoff. The shock he felt wasn’t enough to even begin describing the list of emotions he was going through.
“Excuse me?”
“You’re excused. Now leave, there's a customer behind you.” He looks at you, mouth gaping open. When he looks back to where your coworker stands with amusement written on his face, he turns angrily.
“No way did you just reject your boyfriend's invitation.”
“I did,” you let out a sigh of relief.
“It’s just…I’m not used to you denying him anything. Not to sound nosy or whatever but your man is-” before he could say more you add, “a little bitch.” If Jaemin had taken a sip of coffee he would’ve spit it out. But he settled with his jaw dropping to the floor.
“Who are you?” You turn to look at him and for the first time in years, he watches a genuine smile grace your face all the way to your eyes.
“Y/N L/N, third year college student at Dream University of the Arts. The best friend to none other than Mark Lee and Na Jaemin. The soon to be ex-girlfriend of one Lee Haechan."
~
Dear Renjun,
Thank you for writing back. It means a lot to me. It did hurt a lot, the words you wrote. I’m embarrassed to say that I spent a few weeks agonizing over it but I’ve finally gathered my courage. One that I think took too long to find. I guess I’ll just start with everything that’s been on my mind.
I hate going to the ice cream place all the time. I only did it because Hyuck doesn’t like coffee too much. I would always offer coffee, he’d say should we, and I knew it was his way of saying no. He never gets me the flowers I like. Blue and white hydrangeas are my favorite. But he gets me roses because he says they are the most romantic. I’ve always found them to be basic. He’s never told me loved me directly. I would always say it first. He also always leaves me alone. Whether in the rain, sun, dark clouds, or on a park bench. He made me skip classes because he made me feel as though I wasn’t loving him enough. He never talks kindly about my friends. He doesn’t listen to me when I’m agonizing. He forgets me.
You’re right, he doesn’t see me. I called it love because I wanted to believe it. But it wasn’t. It never was to begin with. I was a toy to him, a puppet. One that he could pull the strings back towards him. But these past few weeks have made me realize and see things for what they truly were. My friend confessed something to me. He went through something sad in his relationship just like I did with mine. I see now how badly I’ve neglected him. Just like Hyuck does to me.
I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want to be with him. I want him to let me go. I know it’ll hurt but I know I’ll be happy when we set each other free. My boyfriend Huck keeps breaking up with me because he doesn’t need my love. He doesn’t fear losing it. And even if I do want to cry and scream…I can’t. Why do I feel so free?
Thank you Renjun. For listening to me and for providing me with your words of encouragement. It’s one of the many things that I needed to grow out of this. I hope wherever you are that you’re doing well. And that you have people who cherish you deeply.
Lots of love,
Y/N
~
Taking a deep breath as you bring your hand up to ring the doorbell, you hear the faint sound of it ringing in Haechan’s apartment. When the door opens you’re met with the smiling face of a boy you’ve never met. He looks like he’s gone through hell and back. Wincing at the sudden daylight he gives you another small and quirky smile.
“Hello! You here for the after party?”
“After party?”
“Yeah, Haechan is having a weekend birthday party so we’re on dia numero dos. Come in!” You walk in a little weary at all the excitement that exudes from the boy. When you step into the living room you see a few boys, with what seems to be their girlfriends, and Haechan sitting in the middle laughing away with a bottle of Bacardi. When he turns he sees you and you can see his gears turning in his head. The ones that used to manipulate you.
“Y/N, you’re here.”
“I didn’t know you were having another party.”
“Yeah well I was sad that my girl couldn’t show up for some reason so the guys are here to cheer me up. We’re going to be partying all week!”
“Yeah, uhm can I speak to you in private?” Haechan’s eyebrows furrow. There’s a little bite to his tone when he answers you.
“Why can’t you say what you need to say here?”
“Because it’s a little personal.”
“Just like yesterday? Why are you being so secretive Y/N? It’s getting really annoying.” His friends just look at the two of you, some giggle, others ignore the situation, and a few look disappointed in him. One of them you recognize as Jeno, Jaemin’s best friend. You knew he was a good guy. You wondered if Haechan had somehow manipulated him too.
“I don’t want to say it in front of your friends.” He scoffs.
“Just spit it out Y/N, I’m trying to cheer up after you left me hanging.” You could visibly hear the snipping of the threads that kept you tied to him. Miraculously, with all the confidence you could muster you let out the same words he would whisper in your ear.
“I’m breaking up with you Lee Donghyuck.” No one laughed at that. No one dared to as they watched the show unfold in front of them. You can feel Jeno’s eyes on yours but ignore it as yours don’t leave Haechan. He blinks, confusion spreading across his features. He then sits up straight, as if your words were registering late.
“I’m sorry what?” he laughs.
“I’m breaking up with you. You’re a piece of shit of a boyfriend. You only care about yourself. You manipulate people around you to make them feel bad and yourself better just to feed that insanely inflated ego of yours. You don’t bother listening to me or going out with me. You barely even know me after years of dating. I’ve had enough.”
“Fucking unbelievable.” Haechan’s eyes watered but you knew they were fake. He still had to play victim after all.
“You came to break up with me on my fucking birthday!?”
“To be fair, your birthday is Tuesday.” Haechan lets the bottle fall onto the carpeted floor as he gets up in a haste of anger and disbelief.
“You can’t be-”
“Since you always interrupt me, let me do the same. You made me into a shitty person and friend. I willingly let you do that to me. But you know what? I realized that you’re not worth it Donghyuck,” and if using his real name was anything to go by, he immediately knew you were being serious, “You’re not worth being loved by me. I have so much love to give and you always take it for granted. I hope we never have to see each other again after this. I already left all of your things outside your door. I don’t have anything to ask from you because you never care to have me over as much as you do your friends and the girls you sleep with behind my back.” You don’t miss how the color from his face drains, leaving him in a state that you never had the pleasure of seeing him in. You turned and left and as soon as you reached the sidewalk you heard the slamming of a door and Haechan’s loud voice rang through.
“Fuck you! Go fuck yourself! I don’t even need you! I never even fucking loved you! You weren’t special, you were nothing! You are nothing! You’re wrong. You’re the one who doesn’t deserve my love because my love is one of a kind and anyone in the world would be lucky to have it! Now you can say you were the one that lost it.” But you don’t turn around and you let Haechan have the last words. You don’t know what they are as you walk away from him.
~
Dear Y/N,
I’m happy to have received your last letter. I see that you’ve done a lot of self reflection. I know it must’ve hurt but I can see that you’re ready to move on. Know that you did all of this on your own. I may have provided words of encouragement but you took all the necessary steps towards your happiness. I’m proud of you.
I hope that all goes well for you too. And don’t hesitate to reach out again. Just because you’ve moved on from the relationship you were in doesn’t mean I wouldn’t mind hearing from you again. Perhaps, if you find someone who does see you, you can let me know all about them. I’d be willing to hear from you again.
Lovingly,
Huang Renjun
~
Moving on from Haechan wasn’t so hard when you realized just how much more happy you felt. Even though you grieved the boy you left, you didn’t grieve the relationship. It would’ve been pointless to do so. Eventually, the light returned to your eyes. You didn’t look as tired as you used to. Jaemin would frequently tell you about how much you’ve changed for the better. Sometimes he’d think he’d say too much but you just observed how well he knew you. He even brought you your favorite flowers with a cup of coffee.
Instead of being alone at all the places you liked to frequent, Jaemin was there with you. Sometimes so was Mark. The arcade and music shop became your special places with Jaemin. You also made sure to never miss any Mark’s shows which he appreciated. It brought him near tears when you attended his fifth show in a row, watching how his best friend made every effort to be there.
And when Jaemin asked you to be his girlfriend, you couldn’t help the feelings that spread in your chest. Jaemin loved you so much and he showed it to you. He listened and was always there when you needed him. He never left you behind, you were always next to him. All that mattered was already in your life, you just had to let go of those who didn’t.
~
This is Y/N please leave a message.
Hey baby, it’s me, we need to talk...please call me back.
Love, can you answer your phone? I need to talk to you please. Please just call back ok?
Why are you hurting me like this? You broke up with me on birth- at my birthday party and now you’re ignoring all of my calls? Could you just please fucking answer? I know you still get my messages. I know you do.
Hey it’s me again, Haechannie, the love of your life. Remember you would call me your love? I do. Listen, I’m sorry for being angry in my last voicemail. It was mean of me to talk like that and I’m really sorry but I was just feeling frustrated that you won’t answer. I just need you to pick up the phone once love, so we can talk. Please, I’m sad that the only way I hear your voice is through your voicemail message. And I can’t seem to find you on campus please just call. I tried looking for you at work but you’re never there and I- you have reached the time limit for this voicemail.
H-hey, b-baby please p-please. I-im sorry. I know, I know I hurt you and I know you’re upset with m-me but please! I have to t-talk to you. I miss you so fucking much please please please call me baby please! F-fucking call me back!
Y-Y/N why won’t you call me back? I can’t breathe. I’m suffocating. I can’t smile. I can’t do shit. I miss you so so so much. I miss kissing you. I want to kiss you. I want you. I need you. I need our cuddle sessions back. And I want us to go for ice cream again. Love, please just pick up your phone.
I heard you’re d-dating Jaemiiin! That’s sooo f-fucking funny. I actshually for uh s-second thought that you..that you started d-dating that b-bastard. D-does he know? Does he know m-my love, that I, Lee Haechan! Was your first in everyyything? That I kissed you first? That I made love to you first? Held you first…I held you first. You fooled me love…huh fooled me goood.
Y/N f-for fucksakes! I love you I-I love you! I love you! Love me back baby please! Love me I need you to love me! L-love me. Love me because it hurts. It hurts so much. I’m a fucking mess. I’m fucking c-crying right now and I sound so pathetic. Is this what you want to hear? T-that I cry myself to s-sleep every night wishing you were next to me? And that I, I’ve been drinking too much. S-sometimes I feel like…I feel like I can see you. Like I could just…reach out and t-touch you. And then I reach out and you’re not there! Baby please- you have reached the time limit for this voicemail.
Fucking automated piece of shit! I hate hearing it! I want to hear you! Please love me! Use me. Do anything you want with me baby but please don’t leave me. B-baby please pretty please! Play with my heart. I-I deserve it right? For hurting you, I deserve it and i-if you come back then I’ll let you do whatever you want with me. How does that sound, hmm? Sounds good right love? Please, don’t leave me. I’ll give you my love. You have it all. Your love is one of a kind, your love is the one not worth losing. Come back and love me, I need you to love me, love me so it won’t hurt anymore.
The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.
The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.
The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.
The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.
The phone number you are calling is no longer in service.
NOTE | this has been rotting away in my wip for more than a year. endings is a little rushed but I hope it’s okay enough.
WARNING | depictions of parental abuse, bullying, and character death
SONG | welcome to the show - dpr ian
SUMMARY | Park Jisung had always been quiet about his godly parentage especially because of his powers still trying to adjust to his body after years of living in the underworld. His only friends were Zhong Chenle and his partner from the Hephaestus group. Somehow, Jisung stumbles in your path and wonders if the blush on his face is as noticeable as he feels it to be. You find yourself caught in a whirlwind of shy glances, pretty smiles, and awkward greetings that make Jisung wonder if you feel just as he does. His heart breaks a bit knowing your Y/N, Artemis’ greatest hunter. Not only that but he feels a strange presence attach itself to him. He wonders if you’ll remain loyal to your oath or if he could become the one you’d leave it for.
The world taught children to fear the monster under their bed. To quiver with unspeakable fear or to scream their throat raw to be saved. It didn’t matter what it was or what form it took, repulsion clawed its way up. The monster was to be feared and rejected. However, the little boy who had no one to turn to had become well acquainted with the monster. Its name was Suffering and it curled itself deep within the boy's chest, rested there, and snarled at any attempts of riddance.
The child was not like any other. Even among his kind he considered himself an outcast. Humankind would call it a power, demigods a gift, but for Park Jisung it was a burden. Perhaps if he had been born as a mere mortal he could have had a chance at a normal life. But his dealings with all he came to know were as his bloodline meant for it to be. Suffering was simply a byproduct of his upbringing.
It is said that children born of Kronos’ eldest son had to accept a life of sadness and pain. It was a curse to be related to the King of a dreadful realm. People feared having to be judged for all their doings and having to be assorted. As much as the King would have liked for people not to dislike him so, he knew it was futile. He was no god of skies, oceans, or music. He was Hades, King of the Underworld and would remain so for all eternity.
Overtime, these feelings became trivial. Hades had accepted the role he had to play among the Greek gods. If anything, he rather enjoyed being away from all the dramatic antics of his brothers. He also preferred the stronger ratio of monochromatic colors compared to the blinding golden swirls of Olympus. Contrary to popular belief of mortals, the Underworld was not visually horrifying. Those tortured souls that screamed in agony were sealed to Tartarus alone. In the same sense, the happy and joyful voices remained in Elysium.
Every day had felt the same to Hades until the birth of his son, Park Jisung. He knew that his parental skills were not perfect and lacked in certain aspects. His godliness did not immediately assume perfection. However, that had not stopped him from trying. Years ago he had a son who taught him a great deal about being a proper father. He would be ashamed to let the child know he had repeated his mistakes. Alas, it would always be trial and error when it came to humans.
The mortal identified as Park Eun was the mother who hardly tried to raise Jisung. In her youth she was a tempter, a sin disguised as an embraceable beauty. Those who caught sight of her could testify that they had been drawn to her from the very first sight. They saw her as a pious woman. A loving heart with a gentle hand. It was why Hades searched for her believing she would be suitable to nurse his future son. Little did he know, that woman had no ounce of love for anyone but herself, much less any motherly instincts.
It began as a slow and formal courting. Hades had also a way of presenting his own charming qualities that instead of outweighing Eun’s own beauty, was unified with hers. The two of them standing alongside each other was a sight to behold. They were the object of everyone’s gossip, compliments, and jealousy. Eun had relished in this, holding her head high with immeasurable pleasure. Hades had only begun to observe this time after. When he realized her true self it was far too late, what seemed to be the ripe apple he had chosen was rotten from the inside.
Eventually, Hades had to reveal his true nature, knowing that she carried his son. When the truth came out, he saw the greed that shone in those hazel eyes. She wanted more, implored him to give her everything she dreamed of. But seeing his actions and responses to her made her believe that she was being confined to a “lesser” life than she deserved. The mansion, selections of jewelry, and expensive brands weren’t enough for her. She needed everything to fuel her grandiosity.
In her descent into madness she became another person entirely. One that was true to her selfish ambitions. The bright hazel eyes became dark and angry. Her luscious painted red lips mirrored a smeared and bloody mess. The graceful posture she once held curled into that of a taloned creature.
Screaming ensued, matches that Hades would always end with silence though he knew all too well he lost. He could never win against her because it was his mistake for falling in her trap. Knowing he could no longer bear to stay at her side, he left to continue his godly duties as King of the Underworld. It tore at his heart when he had to accept that he could not take his son with him. Not yet at least.
The most Hades was able to do was hire a small staff to overlook the home, Eun and Jisung. At first, Eun avoided the baby at all times. She resorted to going out, losing herself in gambling and drugs. The mansion became less of a home and more of a prison. As the years went by she found a means to release her emotions in the form of her growing son. Jisung had been the spitting image of Hades with his black eyes and pale skin. He reminded his mother of the life and man she could no longer have.
It was her greed and arrogance that caused her insanity. A woman who once glorified herself had become destructive. Everything she ever wished for came down all around her, Jisung being the only one who remained. She couldn’t stand looking at him. Especially when there was a trace of happiness on his face. Hades had taken away all she wanted to keep her content and so she retaliated by doing the same to him.
Jisung was much too young to remember the change in scenery. The limitations of food and basic necessities had become the norm he knew. In the little downtown that his mother forced them into, he had become a punching bag for all. He was scrawny, barely strong enough to stay awake after beatings from bullies. His mother had also taken to beating and verbally abusing him. As the older children simplified it, he was a waste of space.
~
It was all so…tiring. The beatings, judgments, harsh words, and cruelties. In the end, Jisung had sadly accepted that he was a burden, a punching bag that served to make others feel better. He didn’t process how inhumane it all was. A child who had only known darkness and nothing more. Jisung eventually thought it was okay because everyone else was sad and the only way to make them feel better was for him to take their sadness away, even if only temporarily.
Jisung felt that although his mother constantly committed atrocities towards him, he had to love her. She was his mother after all, the one who brought him into this world. She was the only family he had known. Besides that, all the storybooks at his school depicted the relationship of a son always loving his mother. It never did quite display what he was used to but he knew better than to question anything. However, it was at the tender age of ten that Eun did something that shattered any ounce of respect Jisung tried to hold..
In those horrid years, Jisung’s only source of true happiness were visits to his grandfather’s home. The man had doted on Jisung, rightfully leaving him starved for more affection. Whenever Jisung would close his eyes years later, he could remember the thin fingers that ruffled his hair adoringly. It wasn’t often that Jisung would visit but when his mother decided to go he was allowed to accompany her. Of course, he knew why his mother would let him tag along. Shamelessly she would beg for money, giving excuses of not having enough to maintain and feed her little boy. Embarrassingly enough both child and grandfather knew better.
Eun was the woman he had tried to raise and steer to the right path. A man of his age should have not felt the overwhelming anger that surged at the sight of the broken family. He knew of the father who had left. He couldn’t blame him entirely for not being able to stand Eun but he could never forgive him for leaving his grandson to fend for himself.
Jisung’s grandfather could not sit idly as she begged for things he knew would never land in the boy's hands. This was how Jisung learned to hide things extremely well from his mother at a certain point in his life. His grandfather was adamant when he explained how any bits of money he’d give him could not be seen by Eun under any circumstance. Jisung had respected his grandfather greatly and listened well to his words. It remained their little secret that had never reached the light.
Eun would sometimes curse her father for not caring enough and he would blatantly tell her that Jisung should be in his care. Just as she did with Hades, she would not allow anyone else to take Jisung to spite them all. She needed her little punching bag; if she couldn’t be happy anymore neither could her son.
The broken relationship between mother and son took its final course after Jisung’s grandfather died. He had passed away peacefully in his sleep. Jisung had heard it from his mother after she locked herself in her room for a few days. He remembered the instant denial. Tiny hands clutching painfully at the edges of his worn out shirt. He couldn’t believe it at first. It couldn’t possibly be true. Not his grandfather of all people. In that moment, through all the choked sobs, he had a sickening thought he never dared to tell anyone. He wished that his mother had been the one that died that night.
Jisung was distraught, confused, and in pain. He cried for long hours and barely ate. He avoided his mother at all costs because she couldn’t make him feel better. He knew his mother was upset too. He had never witnessed another time in his life where his mother genuinely felt anything for anyone other than herself. He almost thought it impossible but was surprisingly proven wrong.
It had all happened slowly and silently on a cloudy evening. Hazel eyes that Jisung could only remember as angry were filled with sadness and remorse. He could see her silver dyed hair swept to one side of her face. The porcelain doll under the rising moon was what she reflected. They sat together, for the first time, in front of his grandfather's gravestone. It was the only place his mother bothered keeping clean and regularly changed the flowers.
Jisung wondered why people felt so sad all the time. Truthfully, he was getting tired of feeling it. He felt an unbearable emptiness inside of himself. Something incurable. He wondered what would bring his mother happiness. If he could see inside her mind, he would learn that all she dreamed of was fame, richess, and everlasting beauty. Jisung offered nothing in comparison.
But perhaps contradiction was a characteristic that was in her genetics. As much as she claimed to hate and abhor the child she had given birth to, she couldn’t help but remember whose eyes those belonged to. At another time, Jisung could have sworn he saw a flicker of guilt in those cold eyes. He couldn’t have been quite sure, it wasn’t an emotion he could imagine his mother being acquainted with.
It felt strange the way she reached out to him, gesturing for him to comfortably sit on her lap. It was awkward but he couldn’t complain as her delicate fingers threaded themselves through his hair like grandfather would do. It was the first time she had let him embrace her. Her chin rested upon his head and his ear laid softly in her chest, listening to the gentle beating of her existing heart.
He couldn’t remember for how long they stayed like that, only that he had fallen asleep. When he woke up on the cold ground, his backpack and teddy bear perched on top of it, he panicked. His mother was nowhere to be seen. He called out to her once, then twice, and finally screamed until his throat felt raw. Among humans in a world so vast, they could all feel agony. They knew what it was to be afraid. But it was nothing compared to the innocent child whose face scrunched up in wild fear and hurt. Tears staining his face endlessly, hiccups loud for those to hear, hands bunched up in small fists, and sobs of a mother that would no longer hear him.
He was silenced at the sound of strange whispers that rose all around him. Opening his swollen eyes, blinking his surroundings into clarity, he saw a terrifying sight. Ghosts, shadows, skeletons, people with rotting flesh, all rising from their graves. Hands protruded from the ground, clawing out in a desperate need to escape. Jisung felt the feeling of throwing up that threatened to rise in him. He screamed louder, curling into a fetal position on his grandfather's grave. He couldn’t think about anything besides the fact that no one would realize he would be dead at the hands of the mangled corpses. For a while, he stayed there shaking terribly. He couldn’t hear anything at one point and when he opened his eyes he saw the figure of a man, flesh falling apart, body void of blood, bones protruding, and empty eye sockets staring down at him. He passed out from the shock.
~
When Jisung had woken up again he was in a bed that engulfed his small frame and was covered in black silk sheets. He couldn’t make out where he was or how he had gotten there. Blinking away his drowsiness he started to notice that the room was nothing compared to his shabby home. The room alone made up his entire apartment.
On the opposite of where he had been resting was a long six drawer dresser. A square mirror hung above it, his reflection staring back. He looked away immediately, avoiding his puffy and swollen eyes. Looking around the rest of the room Jisung noticed very minimal decor with what seemed to be kids toys grouped together in one corner. The only thing he could recognize was his backpack on the nightstand next to the bed and his teddy bear resting beside him. Before he could gather his things to escape the strange place he heard a knock on the door.
Jisung wasn’t sure what to expect. He felt frightened at whatever or whoever was behind the door. When a man came into view, Jisung felt a strange sense of familiarity. But that had to be impossible, he’d never seen this man in his life. He would remember someone who looked as charming as his mother used to be.
The man's complexion was pale, raven hair that was tousled in a voluminous mess, the back of it sticking to his neck and the rest covering his ears and eyes partly. He wore black dress pants and a collared dress shirt. He seemed to be someone who could cause fear but enchant at the same time. Just like his mother.
The biggest difference was the shy smile that graced his face as he stood by the door, not taking another step to avoid frightening the boy further. When his voice rang through the room Jisung was surprised to hear the softness that contrasted his cold appearance.
“Do you recognize me Jisung?” Jisung shook his head and observed the sad sigh that escaped the man in what seemed like a vague look of disappointment.
“Has your mother ever told you about me?” Jisung didn’t hesitate when, once again, he gestured a simple no. He pondered the question for a bit, curious as to who this person was. What relation did this man have to his mother? Was he going to harm him too? The man fidgeted awkwardly in his position, not knowing how to move forward but having to resolve the situation in some way.
“My name is Hades. I’m your father,” Hades didn’t know how Jisung would react. He wasn’t really sure there was a way to ease a child into a reveal like that. But he could see a recognition in Jisung’s eyes, the tears that welled, and his trembling lips forming the words he longed to hear.
“F-father?”
Hades’ gaze softened, walking up to the boy. Albeit slowly at first with hesitance but then clumsily did the boy stumble into his father’s arms in his haste. Hades let out a small grunt at the sudden attack and wrapped his arms securely around Jisung who dug his head deeper into his fathers chest. Hades let his cheek rest upon Jisung’s head, rocking him back and forth like a baby. He cooed at him, whispering words that reassured him that he was safe and most importantly, that he had someone who loved him.
~
Two years after being reunited with his father, Jisung had grown comfortable living in the Underworld. He learned a lot during the time he bonded with Hades. All the tales of gods, demigods, and other mythological creatures of Greek culture. When he turned twelve, Hades spoke to him about attending the Academy for Demigods. It was a place where all demigod children learned in more depth about their history and honed in their powers and skills. It was a rather prestigious school but it was also a home.
It was a great opportunity for Jisung. Especially at that time when he had learned to get past the intense fear he used to feel. His development changed for the better. He went from being malnourished and scrawny to a healthy person with renewed childness. Jisung would always understand sadness and pain in the world. But it didn’t dictate his life anymore. He was now free to be happy and engage in a better lifestyle.
That wasn’t to say he didn’t feel nervous starting school, he panicked a bit wondering what would happen. He didn’t know if he’d be able to make friends or if people would want to approach him with ill intentions. He was delighted to find out that no one paid any attention to him. Everyone went on about their business and he preferred it that way. However, he did appreciate the welcome from another student named Zhong Chenle.
Apparently, Hades had asked Hermes to have one of his sons guide Jisung during his time at the academy. He quickly recognized the playful and mischievous glint in his eyes but it seemed to dissipate as Jisung introduced himself. He garnered his affection rather quickly and soon enough the boys had become attached at the hip. Although he was disappointed that Chenle liked to mess around with people, he knew he was just like him. Chenle had gone through events in his life that shaped his view on the world. Just as Jisung’s views were changed by his childhood.
~
In his first few years nothing crazy happened. Jisung demonstrated to be studious in his classes. However, his strength was very average compared to other students. This was when the invisibility started to wear off and students took note of his skills. He took a long time to manage a sword decently. His reflexes were a bit slow as well. Sometimes he’d trip over his own feet and fall clumsily. There were students, mostly from Ares and Aphrodite’s side, that would laugh and mock him for not being able to hold himself up in a fight. He was a pitiful sight to behold in the eyes of his peers. A demigod who hasn’t been claimed and couldn’t keep up in a duel wasn’t much of a demigod to others.
Jisung had ignored them all. He knew who his father was, there was no need to make a grand show of being claimed. They weren’t worth his efforts or worry. He continued on with his life as he always had to. Some time after, Jisung realized no one stepped up to mock him, people ignored his gaze. He had a feeling it had something to do with Chenle but he didn’t question it. Still, even if they didn’t have the courage to say it in his face they did do it behind his back. Or at least tried to.
Years of training did help him but he wasn’t up to par with the well skilled students. Sometimes he’d watch Chenle spar with others and look at him in awe. Chenle knew what his opponent was thinking. He seemed to know where they would step, jab, or turn. He was too fast, sneaky, and dangerous. Even the Ares children had become frustrated with him always winning. Of course, Chenle lost his fair share of fights but it didn’t outweigh his wins in the slightest. In times like those, Jisung wished he could relate.
It wasn’t until he turned seventeen that his power started to slowly manifest itself in him. It began with a small shadow of someone's silhouette that moved across his wall. He wasn’t surprised when the shadow took the form of a ghost. When the black faded away from the silhouette, disappearing at its feet, he saw a boy around his age. He blinked at Jisung, a small smile stretching on his small face.
“Ah, you can finally see me. You are the young prince of the Underworld. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”
Jisung felt strange at the title. Nevertheless, he stood up from his relaxed position on his bunk and walked closer to the ghost in front of him. He seemed young, too young to be dead. But Jisung knew death did not discriminate. It took anyone whose time was at its end.
“You don’t need to refer to me as such. You know who I am but I don’t know who you are?”
“My name is Shotaro. I was a student here some time ago. I can’t remember. Time after death doesn’t really exist. At least I don’t feel like it does. Well, that aside, there has been talk about your presence. It has been a very long time since another child of Hades was born. The Underworld has felt the awakening of your power.”
“It feels strange that you know so much about me.” Jisung put his hand behind his neck, rubbing at it shyly and awkwardly. Shotaro looks at him, nervous at having made the boy feel negatively.
“Yes, I know a bit of how this functions with demigods born from Hades. I have been around, hearing whispers. Your powers have been strangely dormant since you were born. But then they got better as you practiced. You have lived in the Underworld for some time and you have been trying to adjust to the mortal realm.”
“Sorry, I don’t mean to make you uncomfortable.”
“Awakening?” Jisung pondered that for a bit.
“Don’t worry, it’s just that you know more about me and I don’t know anything about you.”
“Oh…well I’m Osaki Shotaro. Apollo is my father. I was very talented in music. I was a very quiet student, much like you are. I had a friend, his name is Sungchan,” Jisung could feel some of the pain emitting from the boy's emotions as his eyes avoided his, “We used to do everything together. Play games, pranks, study and so on. I got sick one day and never got better. It was rather a slow death, hours turning into days. Days into weeks and weeks turning to months. I died a year later. I watched Sungchan mourn me.”
Jisung doesn’t say anything, gesturing for the boy to continue. Shotaro takes a breath before continuing.
“I’ve been watching over him since that day. I watched him get better but I can still see that look in his eye whenever he gets silent. He has a family now and he’s retired. I wish I could have said something.”
“Do you want me to pass on a message?” Shotaro’s eyes widened, his hands shaking in a gesture that rejected the idea.
“I wouldn’t want to bother you with such trivial matters. I was just rambling.”
“Hey don’t worry about it. In fact, I should be able to make your presence apparent to Sungchan. Father taught me how to do it but I wasn’t able to try it without an amplifier of some sort.” Shotaro looked near tears as he watched the boy in front of him. His offer was kind and the ghost knew it would probably be some more time until he could see his dear friend. Softly he whispers to Jisung, “I would really appreciate that.” And Jisung reciprocated with a smile of his own.
~
Jisung’s time at the Academy was uneventful for the most part. But he enjoyed every moment of it. He had a friend, a father, even a stepmother who loved him. Persephone was a kind goddess. And a very rightful Queen for the throne. He finally had a family of his own and truly, he couldn’t have asked for more.
Along the way, he did make a friend besides Chenle. They were the child of Hephaestus. He fondly remembered the journey they took together. Triple H as Chenle would jokingly call them. They were strong, ferocious, and knew how to put Chenle in his place. Jisung never said anything but he knew there was something off about them in the beginning. If the lack of a heartbeat was anything to go by. All he could do was observe them during the quest.
Jisung’s body had been weak since birth. His demigod powers had not properly adjusted to his body especially with all the psychological and physical abuse he’d gone through. It wasn’t until he started living in the Underworld that he had the opportunity to become stronger. He practiced all that his father taught him. Unbeknownst to him, his power had not reached its full potential. The time at the graveyard was a small power surge from the psychological overload.
During his time in the Underworld his powers kept growing. But as soon as he went back to the mortal realm his powers were harder to bring forth. This explained Jisung’s clumsiness and lack of stability in his fighting. It was as if the difference in the mortal realm was weighing down on him.
However, he was able to at least function enough to be a useful asset during the quest. Especially with his shadow travel. That was always fun to him but it drained him a little more quickly. But his power was enough to get Cerberus out of the cave Jungwoo had him in. Just remembering his name made him feel unusually angry. All that he made Chenle and his friend suffer was unforgivable. He could still visually see the pain in Chenle’s eyes when he walked through his father’s mansion, his friend’s arms and head dangling.
He knew what death was and although he couldn’t feel their heartbeat, he could understand the empty corpse that Chenle had in his arms. If he’d ask Hades to do something about the situation he knew his father would accept. But for the second time in Jisung’s life, Hades had denied him this. He argued with him for the first time. Hades had shut down his request almost immediately. It was after a moment of silence that Hades let the tension go, his hands limp at his sides.
Jisung, that demigod was not born of nature. That is one of Hephaestus’ many creations. I cannot bring life to them because they have no soul that I can place in their body. I would make this exception for you but I physically cannot do it. Hephaestus will help him. Do not worry yourself too much, death is only the beginning of another life here. You know this. In their case, they will walk among the living once again.
Still, Jisung felt upset and hurt at the turn of events. But it was later on that it became known of their return to campus. Their first stop was the Hephaestus workshops, a place where Chenle had found himself withering away day after day. Apparently, Chenle had almost lost his mind when he saw them, thinking they were a figment of his imagination. But it had been true, Hephaestus had fulfilled his deal and the friendly trio was restored.
Jisung was happy again. He was doing better with his life and he was grateful. It was all well again until he nearly got skewered with an arrow by you.
~
“For the love of the gods!” Jisung screamed, stumbling backwards and falling onto the ground with a pained grunt. His hands flew to his face and then his heart as he tried to calm down from the arrow that nearly left him lodged into a tree. His wild eyes looked around and then up to the person standing some feet away from him.
“Idiot…you…any idea…blind…” Jisung couldn’t process the words coming out of the person's mouth. They were blurred as the whistle of the arrow and his raging heart beat deafened his ears. He blinked a couple of times and then looked up again.
“Hey idiot! Are you even listening to me? Are you so blind that you’d fail to notice an archer right in front of you!?”
“Who…who are you?” You look at him, scoffing at his question.
You mutter under your breath, “unbelievable.” You grabbed him by his wrist and pulled him up much to his surprise.
“What does it matter to you?” Jisung was frankly starting to get annoyed at your attitude. His previous fear slowly morphs into a frown.
“It was just a question. I think you’d at least owe that much for almost killing me.”
“Well, if you had been looking where you were going instead of aimlessly wandering about with your head in the skies, maybe you wouldn’t have walked in my way.” Jisung wanted to throw something back but as soon as he opened his mouth, he realized you weren’t wrong. Entirely at least.
“W-well, you’re not supposed to be here! This is the academy’s forest training ground. It’s closed to outsiders.” That makes you scoff yet again.
“Dreaded academy. Confining yourselves to that little institution.” Jisung does take offense to that.
“It’s not dreaded…it’s a nice place.”
“You seem to be convincing yourself and not me.” Jisung gave a small pout which made you scrunch your face in disgust. You start walking away, without saying more but the boy you just met decides to walk in front of you. Raising his hands a bit at his sides as if trying to stop you. You could almost laugh at his ignorance.
“Are you serious?” Jisung blushes. Perhaps it was his curiosity or maybe those pretty almost silver eyes of yours, but he meant it when he wanted to know who you were.
“You still haven’t told me who you are.”
“I don’t have to tell you anything.”
“Considering you almost killed me, I think you could at least tell me your name or what you’re doing here?” You glared at him. You could hear the underlying message of getting in trouble with the Academy. Of which you’d rather avoid.
“Artemis…I’m one of Artemis’ hunters. And we don’t particularly take to little demigods like you. So get out of my way and go back to your little dollhouse.” This time you weren’t so patient or kind as you pushed the boy out of your way. Still, he watched you as you disappeared into the forest. So mean for someone as cute as you.
~
You weren’t very well known among demigods. And you liked to keep it that way. But that didn’t mean they didn’t know of your other…persona. The Moon Hunter. Stories told of a hunter who was incredibly strong, quick, and lethal. Those sharp eyes of yours could see just about anything and calculated within seconds. You were a dangerous person even among demigod standards.
Artemis’ hunters were a group that vowed loyalty and swore off romantic pursuits of any kind. They dedicated their lives to hunting and keeping monsters at bay. They took care of each other and became a true family. But with this oath came another promise. The promise of immortality.
You couldn’t remember exactly how many decades you lived through but you adapted pretty quickly to the changes. Nothing less could be expected from the famed Moon Hunter. But even then, the name started to become a stranger to you. As if though, that person was someone else. A person you used to know who would take joy and pride in their work. But you? You had become a hollow shell of the former. Days went by, feeling prolonged and repetitive. Boring and useless.
You continued to practice even though your skills were by far the best anyone could ever dream of having. You had left the other hunters to journey on your own, much to their sadness. But they could only let you do what you wished, they still yet had not understood your aging pain. In this journey of silence, you met the boy who had his head in the skies.
Or moreso in the underworld. His skin was pale, eyes a little sunken, and hair a floppy mess of raven black. You noticed the weakness in him immediately. As if though his body was not yet properly maintaining the chaotic power in him. But you could tell a child of Hades when you saw one. He rarely did have any children, being possibly the most responsible in that aspect among his two brothers. This demigod though seemed different from the last one you’d seen years ago. More of a childlike aura to him. He was stupid enough to not watch where he was going.
You put those thoughts away as you walked on. After having left the forest you made your way back to the small home over the mountain. The mountains were what separated the academy from the outside world. You weren’t a fan of the institution but you had made a promise to someone that you would move on with life and live calmly. And you acted upon those wishes because there was nothing more for you to do. At least that’s what you believed.
~
The second time you were found, Jisung was more aware of his surroundings. The boy had been left curious by you. And his curiosity was one that he wanted to fulfill. Every day he’d take a walk around the forest, hoping to find you again. But you never did show up so he decided to wander a little farther. This time he found you making more arrows for your bow. You didn’t have to look up to know of his presence. But you didn’t ignore it either.
“You find me once again. You avoided having your head in the clouds?” Jisung reaches out to push the hanging branch in his way and steps out into the open space you were in. He observed the pile of silver arrow tips among other supplies neatly placed on the wooden work table next to you. You look up at him, bringing your motions to a slow stop.
“H-how’d you know?” You go back to putting your arrows together.
“Let me guess, you feel sick to your stomach just thinking of traveling by sky?” Jisung blinks, surprise shadowing his features.
“A son of Hades. I could tell what you are from the moment we met. Now why is it that we’re meeting again? I’m getting the impression that you’ve purposely seeked me out.”
“I’m not very fond of clouds to be honest.”
“I- well…I was curious about you. You seem different from the people I’ve known. And you’ve managed to pass through the academy’s barrier. Not only that but you also know who my dad is.”
“Such useless thoughts. Instead of asking so much why don’t you just go back? There’s nothing for you here and I’m not worth being curious about.”
“I would hardly say you’re not worth it, if so I wouldn’t be here.” It almost surprises you, the little quip.
“I’ve heard about Artemis’ hunters. You trade a life of partnership and romance for immortality. That doesn’t seem entirely fun. If anything, it feels quite long does it not?”
“It’s a relaxing lifestyle.” Jisung doesn’t move from his place. If there was one thing you could admire of him was the way he was trying to read you without being read himself. His eyes were quite difficult to discern beyond the growing curiosity. But you see a small, kind smile tug at the edges of his lips.
“Isn’t it lonely?”
“Lonely is not bad at all. As I said, it’s rather relaxing.”
“I know what it is to be lonely. In a world where anyone could care less. In a place where things stop to matter. It’s not fun. Nor is it relaxing. If anything, it’s dreadful.” You want to snap the arrow in your hand in half but refrain. Just what was it with this kid and why was he talking so much?
“I didn’t ask for your life story and I’m the last person you should be trying to pitch your advice onto. I’m past the age of needing advice.” Jisung simply smiles at you, this time he does walk closer. His hand comes up to place something on your bench and you glance at it.
“I bought you something to drink. I wasn’t sure what you liked so I bought a few different ones. You seem to be the type to wander alone. I think you could use some company.” He ignores the annoyed sigh that escapes you.
“I think you’re painfully dense. I don’t need-”
“I’ll come by again tomorrow. I hope we can be friends.”
“I don’t need friends!” Jisung laughs oddly with optimism at your sudden outburst.
“I’ll see you tomorrow!” And with that he joyfully bounces away leaving you with a now snapped arrow and a growing headache.
~
Jisung kept true to his promise. He came back frequently to see you. It became part of his routine to visit you that even Chenle started taking notice. At first it was nothing. Jisung would disappear for an hour or two. But then it became an almost everyday thing. He could visually see the happy glint in his eyes. It made him question just what was going on in Jisung’s life at the moment.
When he confronted his friend about it he was surprised to see how quickly he opened up. He had met a hunter of Artemis and had been meeting with them. He called them a friend. Chenle was happy for Jisung, seeing how he was making more connections outside himself and his partner.
He noticed the little smiles, the gifts he’d make, the blush on his face whenever he brought them up. His friend was undoubtedly falling in love. And although he supported the idea, there was something that concerned him. Jisung was a kind person, he was a caring person indeed. And it was completely plausible that he had fallen in love with this hunter. But after a year of being acquainted with the hunter, there was a subtle change in Jisung’s affection that didn’t sit right with Chenle.
For starters, Jisung wasn’t exactly the best when it came to art. As far as Chenle knew, Jisung never picked up a paintbrush in his life. But on a particular day that he’d walked into their dorm he saw a beautifully painted person on a canvas. Jisung being the artist in control of the paintbrush. The second part that felt weird was Jisung’s use of language. Sometimes he would slip into a different accent. Say words that felt too proper. There was something definitely wrong and he had to find out why.
Chenle being the person he was, tried of all different ways to find out what was going on. He started to follow Jisung around. Whether it was walking with him to morning classes or trailing him to the Hephaestus workshops where he frequently seemed to be creating something. Even his partner had a say in all of Jisung’s frequent visits.
“Chenle, I think there’s something wrong with Jisung.” Chenle sighs, a look of concern blooming.
“I agree. Have you noticed how he’s been speaking? It sounds like he came out of the 1950s. And the hobbies he’s taken up? I know for sure one can’t learn how to paint like that in the span of a week. I don’t even know how long it took him to do it.”
“I think…look it might sound weird but it’s the only conclusion I could make that is sensible.”
“You’re kinda scaring me.”
“I think Jisung’s being controlled by a ghost.” Chenle looks up, eyes wide. His mind starts to play back everything that’s happened since Jisung’s turn in character. If he applied this logic, it fit extremely well. Jisung’s never been one to paint, he’s never spoken in any other accent other than his own, making crafts was also something Jisung never showed interest in. Even when it came to his fighting style in class, it had radically changed. He wasn’t as clumsy but instead of using his right hand he’d use his left. There were just so many things that have changed.
“If it were true, how would we go about it? I don’t think the ghost will tell me who they really are.”
“I’ve already made a contraption for this. I need Jisung to walk into a metal cage I’ve made. It’s invisible but once he steps inside and I seal it, I can separate the ghost from his body. They’ll be completely divided and Jisung might have an answer on what to do afterwards.”
“Okay but how do we get him to walk into it? Jisung can sense things around him. He’s sensitive to all around him, it’s also why he has trouble controlling his powers.”
“I’m 99% sure that he won’t notice but just in case we’ll have to create a scenario where the object of his affection is in perilous danger to the point where he won’t notice. The only way to do that is to inform this person. You have to follow him to where they meet.” Chenle looks at his partner, mischief written all over his eyes. Of which he receives an eye roll in response.
~
You could no longer remember how long it had been since Park Jisung had crossed your path. He kept coming back even if you pushed him away. He treated you as a friend even if you didn’t reciprocate. You would say it was taxing but really, you started to grow fond of him. Instead of the usual jabs at his clumsiness, you started teaching him how to fight better. There was an understanding that the mortal realm had its effects on Jisung’s body and powers. He had been trying to get accustomed to it but it was a slow process.
However, after a while, the more you had practiced with him and lectured him on important topics like hunting, using your surroundings to your advantage, and how to cook, the better Jisung had become. At an alarmingly quick pace but you didn’t think too much about it. He’d ask for your critiques and advice frequently of which you were surprised he accepted kindly.
But among it all, you knew that there was a change in your relationship with the boy. Jisung had become…different. Yes of course you’d expected his clumsiness to lessen after practicing beside you. However, Jisung had surprised you on certain occasions and that was something that people ever rarely got to brag about. Standing in the training area of your yard, you began teaching Jisung how to use your bow and arrow. Before this you started with sword lessons but after seeing his improvement you let him move on to use your bow.
“You have to concentrate on your target. Pay attention to your target but do not ignore your surroundings. Steadily hold it,” you help Jisung position the arrow, “now aim and…let go.” The arrow zipped through the air, landing exactly in the center of the target you placed on the tree ahead of you. Jisung let out an excited gasp looking back at you. He had been hyper aware of your proximity before but had underestimated just how close you really were. When he came to face you, your face was a mere few inches from his. From where he was he could see the beautiful specks of color in your eyes, the shape of your parted lips, he could even hear your faint breathing. His eyes had flickered to your lips, imagining just how nice it would feel to kiss you.
You cleared your throat, backing away from him swiftly and murmuring a good job. But he smiled, looking down to the ground realizing the unmistakable blush of your cheeks. When he looked back to you, you were cleaning up the practice area and avoiding his stare.
“Would it truly hurt you to look into my eyes?” You don’t stop moving, trying to avoid where the conversation was headed.
“I have no idea what you’re talking about.” At this Jisung lightly scoffs.
“You cannot deny that there is something between us. I have come here many times not only grateful for your teachings but also simply to see you. I know you feel something for me too.” In a rise of frustration you throw the equipment you had in hand onto the table, turning to look him in the eyes just as he wanted.
“Jisung, I’m not sure what you want from me. I’ve welcomed you as a friend and nothing more. I’ve let myself accept you because you were right, I was used to being alone for years, decades really. And I appreciate your company. But I am Artemis’ hunter and I do not wish for a romantic relationship. I prefer my immortality as is.” You could see the frustration growing in those dark eyes. The way he wants to say more but doesn’t. Instead he walks up to you, gently handing you back your bow. He walks away but not before whispering closely in your ear.
“You loved me once Y/N. Don’t you remember? We made a promise but it seems you’ve forgotten. I may not look the same but I know you can feel the difference.” Jisung looked into your eyes a little longer and smiled. You felt a cold prickling throughout your body. The silence around you deafening as Jisung walked away into the forest, leaving you alone with your thoughts and the painful memories of the name you uttered softly.
“Taeyong?”
~
The young boy had been a mere mortal. He was no son of the Greek gods but he was surely recognized by them. His features had been too beautiful to ignore, to not look at. Everywhere he went, he was doted on. Watched with fascination and adoration. He didn’t pay it any mind though. At five years old, Lee Taeyong just wanted to play with his friends and enjoy meals with his parents. He was a caring boy, full of sensitivity for others and love.
It was how you became attracted to him. You had grown up besides Taeyong since birth, both families having been friends since their teenage years. You had gotten accustomed to Taeyong’s cute hugs, soft kisses on the cheek when you scraped your knee or started crying. You were only five but you understood the feeling of love that soothed your chest. People liked each other and they got together because of love.
The two of you were inseparable. Truly aligned soulmates that were meant for each other. At twelve years old, you went to the school dance together. Although all the kids ran around and played, you stood beside Taeyong for the remainder of the evening. Giggling, laughing, talking about anything that came to the mind of a twelve year old. It was when Taeyong asked if he could kiss you on the lips. You were flustered to say the least but accepted the request willingly. It was weird but a good type of weird. You nervously held onto his hand and he brought them around his waist. His hands moved up to hold your face, just as he always did when he’d kiss you on the cheek.
You were just kids but you never forget that night. After that, you told him that you wanted to be his partner but that it would be nice to take it slow. Of the two, you were always the one who had a sense of clarity, perhaps maturity, when it came to relationships whether a friend or partner. As time went on, Taeyong had finally asked you out at fifteen. It was usually an awkward time for teenagers who had a lot to explore about the world and about themselves. But just as it had been before, everything felt right when you were with him. You didn’t explore the world on your own because you had Lee Taeyong by your side and you couldn’t ask for more.
It had been on a sunny day that Taeyong took you out to a local festival. Your arm looped around his, both of you wandered off into the streets where all the excitement was happening. Games were played, foods were shared, hidden pecks were exchanged. When it started getting dark he walked you home. But before you reached your house, he led you to the park that was around the corner. It was silent, the breeze blowing a bit, and distant laughter could be heard from the festival. You had walked ahead of him looking up to the stars and admiring them. The smile that was on your face was a sight that would forever be engraved in Taeyong’s mind.
“Y/N?” He called out to you softly and you turned back to look at him, responding with a little hum.
“Remember the day you said you wanted to go out with me but to take things slow?” A blush spread on your face, a shy smile making its way to your lips.
“Yes. What of it?” You were expecting it now. You were hoping for it and you weren’t disappointed.
Taeyong came closer to you, putting his hand out and softly asking to dance with you. It was a surprise but you couldn’t say it wasn’t entirely unexpected. Taeyong was a great dancer and a wonderful starting musician. His voice always soft and melodious in your ears. You placed your hand in his and let him close the gap between the two of you. He looked down into your eyes, infinite love within them and you only hoped he could see the same in yours.
“Y/N, would you grant me the greatest honor of being your boyfriend?” You couldn’t even speak, not with how tears of happiness welled in your eyes. Your heart was moving too rapidly, his words and his proximity being too much for you to handle. So instead of a verbal response, you gave him a kiss. Within that kiss, the both of you smiled, giggled, and sighed. It was your happily ever after. Lee Taeyong would always be your happily ever after.
It wasn’t fair. That’s what you told yourself repeatedly. But reality couldn’t deny the digression of Taeyong’s physical beauty and health. You couldn’t remember what he was diagnosed with because you refused to believe it. You refused to believe that the love of your life was dying and leaving you behind. He didn’t want to tell you, his first few weeks full of sobbing and painful headaches. He wasn’t ready to go, he was only twenty. He was looking forward to finding a nice little apartment for the both of you. But by that time, he had collapsed and his parents had to take him to the hospital. The diagnosis was Taeyong’s worst moment in life. But then he realized that he’d have to look into your beautiful eyes and tell you that he couldn’t be with you. And that had truly torn him apart. Why had fate been so cruel?
He didn’t want to tell you but avoiding you could have only gone so far. When you showed up to his door, his parents had let you in. You too had been crying. Phoning Taeyong was challenging because his parents had always answered instead of him. Visiting him was always rejected with apologies. But this time you didn’t take no for an answer. When you pushed his door open you saw him curled up on his bed. He was a complete mess, his hair sticking out oddly, his skin looking paler than usual, and those pretty eyes of his were puffy. A sign that he had been crying.
When he saw you he teared up again, shaking his head as he tried to tell you to leave. He didn’t want you to see him like this. But you put away all of your frustrations of his negligence and sat next to him. You reached out to him, pulling him up into your arms, and placing your forehead on his.
“What is wrong? Why are you like this? Please love, talk to me. You can tell me.” You tried to get him to talk but when those words came out he just broke down. You couldn’t remember how long he held onto you, all you could hear were his choked sobs and feel his tears on your neck. Taeyong had always found comfort in the way you ran your fingers through his hair and he realized that he missed you too much for words to convey. When the sobbing had ceased to little sniffles, Taeyong pulled away and told you everything.
You called him a liar. But you knew he wasn’t. You called him a bastard for trying to fool you with such a mean joke. But you knew it wasn’t true. Taeyong could only cry as he watched you fall apart. Hitting his chest, roughly rubbing at your eyes, your head shaking in denial. Finally, you both laid down next to each other, too tired from the tears. You asked him questions he wished he didn’t have to answer. He didn’t know how much time he had. So you made him promise that he would never avoid you like that again.
“Lee Taeyong, don’t you ever pull a stunt like that again.”
“I’m sorry my love. I am so sorry.”
“It’s better now. We have talked about it. There is only one thing left to do now.” Taeyong looked into your eyes that reflected his melancholy. He gave you a weak smile with a question, “And what would that be my love?”
“Enjoy our life together faster than anyone’s ever witnessed.” Taeyong didn’t know what he did to deserve someone as loving as you.
Ultimately, that was what you did. You moved into an apartment with the help of both your families. You did your best to work and bring what you could to the table. If it weren’t for the support of both parents you didn’t think you’d make it. But they understood the fear and the rush to enjoy life with Taeyong. He would become a fleeting moment and you wanted to enjoy him as much as possible.
Taeyong felt like he had burdened you. But everytime he had those thoughts or had that look in his eyes, you had to reassure him that you loved him no matter what. That he was stuck with you because you could never let him go. As Taeyong’s health declined you found that you couldn't work anymore. Taking care of him was now your priority. Towards the end of his life, Taeyong had to stay in bed, machines doing what they could to prolong his life a little bit more. But he knew his end was near and seeing you trying not to fall apart hurt him.
“You have to promise me you’ll fall in love again.” You didn’t want to have this conversation with him again.
“I don’t want to! Stop saying that please.” Taeyong could only watch as your heart fell apart so visibly through your tears. He whispered to you, voice barely strong enough.
“Darling, you need to live. You need to go on. You’re always so sad.” Everytime he started with this you’d cry loudly, grab at his hand and hold it to your heart. You knew he was weak, his body not strong enough on its own. You wished for him to understand that you could never love anyone the way you loved him. You’d always be the one to take his hand and put it against your cheek as you’d whisper everything you felt for him.
“I do not want anyone else! Stop trying to give me away. I only want you. I will never love anyone else like I love you Lee Taeyong. Accept it. Accept that I do not wish for any man in this world that is not you.” God did he want to, he loved how you wanted him so badly. But he knew it wouldn’t be right. However, to ease your sobs he made a promise.
“Fine then let us settle this with a promise. We will wait for each other. And when the day comes that we finally see each other, we will stay together for all eternity. I will always love you Y/N. I love you my darling.” Taeyong’s coughing started to take over him and you dreaded that this was the moment. You called for a doctor, for help, but Taeyong could only look at you with his last smile. You didn’t realize you were screaming until your mother came by to check on the both of you. She tried to pull you away but could only let go and cry as she watched you mourn the love of your life.
You didn’t want to remember life after that. You vowed to never pursue a romantic relationship again. You became cold and you knew Taeyong would have been upset to see the person you’d become. He took away with him all the love and warmth you had to give. Your vow is what brought Artemis to you. You learned from her all you knew and more. You became Artemis’ infamous Moon Hunter. You had to explain to your family what you had become. They believed it as they realized that you stopped aging. After, you mourned everyone else around you. Your parents, Taeyong’s parents, and your few friends.
When those you knew left, you vanished from that town and never looked back. Instead, you carried your duties. You continued on with life. And it may have been selfish because you knew Taeyong was waiting for you. You knew he had to be. But you were alone. You had no one else and your mental state had suffered greatly. Eventually, you put away your past and Lee Taeyong had become a buried memory within your heart.
~
There was a knock at your door. Walking away from the dishes you were washing you grabbed a rag to dry your hands as you walked to the door. Upon opening it there was a boy with mint green hair and clear eyes of a snake. You leaned upon the doorframe, arms crossed in front of you.
“And what do I owe the pleasure of meeting Hermes’ prodigal son?” Chenle eyebrows furrow confused as to how you know who he is. Before he can ask, you speak up again.
“Don’t ask how I know. I’ve been alive for so many decades I’ve become a book of secrets. And your little friend talks a lot about you. Now what is it you want, Zhong Chenle?” Chenle could see the bits and pieces of what Jisung had told him about you. The way you presented yourself, your silent disposition that was calculating. You were confident and unafraid. An interesting match for his friend who was a little more bubbly.
“I need your help. It’s Jisung, he’s been acting weird. I thought you might know or be able to help.” You laugh.
“You're a smart person. I think you already know what the problem is.” You push yourself off the doorframe and invite Chenle in. You let him settle in and bring him a drink of his choosing. Now settling on the opposite chair of the dining room table you sigh. Beforehand it wasn’t noticeable, but seeing you unwind for a moment Chenle sees that you are beyond tired. Moreseo mentally than physically.
“Who is it?” Chenle asks, getting straight to the matter at hand.
“His name is Lee Taeyong…” you hated yourself for feeling emotional but you knew how to control your voice, “he was my husband.” Chenle’s eyes widened in shock. He assumed he was a lover but for someone who seemed as young as you, a husband did not cross his mind.
“He died in his early twenties from an illness. We’d known each other all our lives. Madly in love and whatnot. We had our lives planned out, our entire future. But we found out he was sick and so I pushed for us to marry and live together. A love experienced faster than anyone’s seen. What I dreaded had become a reality and Taeyong became a distant memory. I vowed to never fall in love again and Artemis found me. Turned me immortal.”
“So that’s who he is. Hm, I did wonder how Jisung was able to paint so well. He’s never been into art and crafts.” You don’t look at him, remembering how much you loved seeing Taeyong’s work. You move on from his comment.
“How do we get him out of Jisung’s body? I assume you already have a plan.” Chenle starts to actually fear your intellect and reading abilities. It’s like you already knew how everything would pan out.
“My partner, their a child of Hephaestus. They’ve made a cage that will separate Taeyong’s soul from Jisung’s body. It’s invisible but we’re afraid Jisung’s body will react to it. We’re not quite sure how far possession goes in terms of connection of soul and host.” You wave your hand dismissively.
“Taeyong was mortal. Even if he could tell, Jisung would be made conscious of it and they’d fight for control. There were times he’d contradict himself but now that it’s confirmed I understand why. Jisung’s been awake the entire time. He’s been fighting for control but he’ll be able to get it back. How are we going to get him to walk into it?” At this the boy nervously laughs.
“Well we thought we’d have to create a scenario where you’re in grave danger. He’d only be focused on you and hopefully not entirely aware of his surroundings.”
“You barely know me and already treat me as bait.” Before Chenle could try and explain himself you put a hand up to stop him.
“I don’t care as long as they can be separated. The longer we wait the more problematic the situation can become. Tell your partner to bring their contraption. I will take care of the rest.” Chenle thanks you, informing you of the preparation of the contraption. Before he leaves he asks you a question you weren’t expecting.
“Will you be okay after seeing Taeyong?” You don’t look at him, instead telling him to close the door on his way out. Your facade was fading and you needed to come to terms with the painful piece that was your love. The one you buried under all the coldness and sternness that was your personality.
~
Jisung did not come back to you for about a week. You assumed it was to give some distance between the two of you. You felt conflicted but you knew what had to be done. You weren’t sure what it was that Chenle had said or done but Jisung was running hurriedly through the forest. He needed to find you. Apparently, there was a gadget of some sort that let you see another person. That was totally and not entirely Chenle’s partner’s many creations. It was a communication device and when he tried to use it, he saw you out in the open on the ground with what seemed like broken items around you. As if you were in a fight.
When Jisung walked into the open area where you were, he realized his mistake too late. The moment his foot stepped on the invisible trap, a glowing white fence formed behind him. He reached out to push it but retracted his hands when he felt a slight bolt of electricity. He looked around him, worried and panicked because of the cage and your body on the ground.
“Y/N! Y/N! Wake, please wake up!” He got as close as he could to the side of the cage that was facing you. He looked out with worried eyes, hands yearning to reach out to you. When he watches you move, he sighs in relief. Your hand comes up to clean away at the dirt on your face; looking up you stare straight into his eyes and you see some of the relief turns into confusion.
“Why do you stare at me with such eyes?”
“Tsk,” you shake your head, “when were you planning to tell me?” Jisung’s eyebrows furrowed.
“I do not understand what you are asking. I thought- I thought you were hurting?” You get up and dust yourself off, Jisung’s eyes following your every movement. You walk closer to him, sit down in front of him and observe.
“Taeyong.” Realization overcomes his expression, a sad smile playing on his lips as he remembers your last encounter with him.
“You do remember me.”
“It’s been decades, we may have known each other from a different time but I would be blind if I couldn’t recognize the boy I met and the boy I see now.”
“Have you always doubted me?”
“Jisung uses his right hand. You use your left. Apparently, he’s never picked up a paintbrush in his life,” Taeyong lets out a soft laugh, “and Jisung could have never known the lyrics to the song you hum all the time.” He can see that under that stoic mask, you’re hurting just like the first time. He wonders why fate had to be this way. All he wanted was to be happy with you but why was it that you always looked so sad.
“I am sorry for lying to you-”
“For how long?” Taeyong looks like his next words were too painful to say.
“Long enough for you to fall in love with him and not me.” You looked at him confused.
“I have only been in his body for three months. The Jisung you know was the one you fell in love with. And the one you questioned was me. He has a warm heart that was torn at too much. But he found guidance, family,” he looks into your eyes, “and love.” There was a time when you were drowning in happiness to just be able to talk to him. To be in his embrace. He was your first and who you wished to be your last. But the world had taken him away from you and you grew accustomed to not having him anymore. Hearing him now reminded you of the times where you were simply a mortal enjoying life and loving the boy who kept a piece of your heart.
“I mourned you Taeyong. I watched you die and I fell apart. But that was decades ago. Everyone left and I was alone. I chose this. So how and why are you here?” Taeyong scrambled closer, forgetting about the electric shock the cage caused. He flinched and moved his hands away.
“I was supposed to be judged by Thanatos. I know that but I was pulled away for some reason. I do not remember for how long but eventually, I saw you. You were different but I knew it was you. I was by your side for a decade but you could never see me. I guess I was not strong enough but Jisung came along. I practiced and practiced until eventually I was able to take hold of him. He fights me for dominance and I know, I-I know this is w-wrong-” tears escape you before you realize as you watch him break up in front of you, “but I needed to speak with you. I missed you so much. It has been everything I have ever wanted, being by your side and not feeling sick. I would remember all the things we used to do.”
“You can’t be here Taeyong. It’s been too long and although I loved you dearly once, I gave everything up to be here.” Taeyong looks like he wants to scream. All he wanted was to be with you. He knows he made you promise to move on with life but being with you for the past three months reminded him of all the other promises he wanted in life.
“A love experienced faster than anyone’s ever seen. We already lived it Taeyong. But you are dead. You need to move on just as I have.”
“But you promised you wouldn’t! You promised you promised me you wouldn’t! You said you could never love anyone the way you love me. Why can you not keep your promise to me? I am here just for you.”
“I do love you Taeyong, I do, please understand that. But I am no longer in love with you,” you watch him crawl away from you, pained not only from your words but the process of separation that was beginning, “we’ve been apart for far too long and I’ve made a life for myself.”
“You said we would wait for each other. Why would you choose to be immortal instead of being with me?” You feel guilty but there was truth in his words.
“I grew cold Taeyong. I was tired. But I do not regret anything between us. Your actual promise to me was that I’d move on and fall in love again. And I have. I will leave my immortality for Jisung because it’s true. I do love him. He’s been a friend to me in such a short time but he made me feel again. And if you’ve been there for me for so long, you know I have tired of this life. Hades and Thanatos will not be happy that you’ve taken over Jisung’s body. Only he will be able to get you in their good graces and forgiveness. I love you Taeyong. But you have to let go.” It hurts you the way he looks at you, the way Jisung’s facial expression reminds you so easily of Taeyong’s. He always looked like a hurt and wounded child. His teary eyes look into yours.
“Will I see you again?”
“Yes you will, Taeyong. I promise you that we will see each other again. No matter what happens, we will get there eventually.” And although Taeyong feels wounded and hurt, wanting to at least get a kiss from you, he nods in understanding, whispering his final “I love you” and letting go.
~
After Taeyong’s soul was separated from Jisung’s body he personally escorted him to the underworld. Neither of them said anything to you as they vanished. You were left to grieve once again. But this did not hurt as badly as the last. Although in your hurt and weakened state, you called out to Artemis. Wanting to get over all that has happened in the last hour. You hear her voice in your mind as you stare up at the moon that shone brightly.
Are you sure you want this? I cannot take you back into the group if you decide to give up your immortality for love.
Yes, this…this is what I want. I enjoyed my time as a hunter. And I will never forget everything you’ve taught me. But I realize now that I am not strong enough to remain this way. I grew tired and I wish to settle down and accept life.
Well then, it shall be as you wish. I will strip you of your immortality. But I will not make you into a mere mortal. I will give you the powers of a demigod and you will be blessed with the knowledge of Apollo’s children. My brother will take care of you just as I have. Be well my dear hunter, and may you find happiness in love.
Thank you mother.
The process of losing your powers wasn’t all that grand. You could only watch the light silver dust that swirled around you, taking away the immortality you had once vowed to keep. You felt lighter and more free than before. You could only wish that Taeyong could say the same.
~
Chenle had sent you news that Taeyong was able to make it into Elysium. You were relieved to say the least. But there was something else on your mind and he knew.
“He’s healing if that’s what you’re wondering. After everything, he said he needed some time to be away from people. He doesn’t hate you or anything. I know he misses you a lot.”
“He should hate me though. My dead husband possessed him for a few months. But he still let him get into Elysium.” Chenle could only watch you.
“You should enroll in the academy. You know, being Apollo’s kid and all.”
“You sneaky little snake,” you scoff.
“I didn’t see anything, I swear.”
“Liar, go away Chenle.”
“Enroll in the academy. It’ll be good for you and easier for Jisung. You’ve done a lot for him this past year but I know he’s done good for you too. He used to be scared of love. But you’ve changed that for him.”
You bid him goodbye as you walked back to your little cabin. Most often you were a person of very few words. But it took someone like Chenle or Jisung to understand what your silence meant. The microscopic expressions you’d make before turning away. You knew what you would do. You could only hope that everything would turn out well.
~
When you see Jisung again he almost falls over. He had been in his Demigod Healing and First Aid class. After the episode with Taeyong’s soul, Jisung’s inner balance was strangely put back together well. His powers had finally manifested properly in his body and he wasn’t as weak before. He knew it had to do something with that soul but he couldn’t figure out what. If Taeyong could see him now he’d probably laugh knowingly.
You had walked in, students whispering about the new student. Before anyone could offer you a seat you head directly to Jisung, plopping down next to him. You turn to him, elbow on the desk and chin settling down on your hand.
“What’s up lover boy?” Jisung blushes deeply all the way to his ears as he looks away from the gaze of other students. He ignores them all and looks to you.
“What are you doing here? I thought the children of Artemis didn’t attend the academy.” You hum.
“That’s because they don’t.”
“Then how are you here?”
“I’m officially Apollo’s adopted kid. No longer an immortal.” Jisung does a double take, words stuttering, and head shaking in confusion.
“I’m sorry, Apollo adopted you?”
“Artemis didn’t want to leave me as a mere mortal as I was before. Instead, she let me stay as a demigod. I guess she did me a favor.” There’s a look in his eyes, one you can’t read.
“Why would you do that?”
“Because I like you a lot. Well love but uh anyway. Immortality is boring and repetitive.” Jisung looks at you.
“You’re crazy, you know that?”
“Crazy in love.” Jisung gags and you let yourself laugh.
“Oh my gods. I can’t believe you confessed to me in a health class.”
“Love is a healthy thing in life, you know. Helps build relationships.”
“That’s the wrong type of health.” You look at him, surprised that he’s being a little brat.
“Huh, maybe I don’t know you after all. Where are these little quips coming from?” Jisung leans over to leave a quick peck on your cheek, leaving you surprised and him impossibly redder than before.
“I love you too.”
~
“Were you ever bothered by being able to know what Taeyong was doing?” Jisung hums, cuddling up next to you as the movie played on your living room television.
“I understood what he felt. Although we lived different experiences I knew that he loved you a lot. He felt it to be unfair, the card he was dealt with. But he said to me before he left, ‘Take care of Y/N. I loved them enough for one lifetime. Now you can do it instead.’ We all have something we have to move on from eventually. I know I had to.” Jisung thinks back to his mother, the one who although treated him terribly, he still kept a piece of his heart reserved for her. He thought back to everything she wanted in life. She could’ve had it all but it had not mattered in the end.
Jisung was simply content with having you in his arms, looking at him with those eyes of yours, dazed at the shape of your lips. That was what truly mattered. He knew that Suffering was not the monster in his chest. It was loneliness that tried to reach out for someone. And he fell even more in love when he knew that someone had been you.
synopsis: it wasn’t often jeno showed emotions of love and affection, let alone kissing a stranger at a party that he doesn’t even remember?! determined to find his nameless cinderella, he began searching the campus far and wide but as hidden secrets started surfacing, he started to wonder whether the midnight spark was meant to be pursued after all.
genre: social media au, college au, strangers to lovers, fluff, angst, crack
do you design your own icon? (they're always so cuuteeeee!!!) 🌌
Hello!
Awe thank you 😊 I only designed the current one I have. The previous was from the internet. I like pastel blue if you've noticed from my blog LOL and since I'm also Moondane, I put the moon on the lil juice box 😁
Summary - To Jeno, Haechan was his entire world. Whenever Jeno was struggling, it was Haechan that saved him. But now, when it's Heachan that needs saving, Jeno is helpless.
Warnings - a little bit of gun activity and violence at the end
Author's Note - thank you to @remiilurai for helping me with the fic!
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine. You make me happy when skies are gray," a sweet voice sang, filling the dark and dusty room with a sense of warmth.
"Yo, Jeno! Where are you, dude?"
"Go away. I'm not in the mood to talk now, Haechan."
"Oh, come on. You love me, you need me, you miss me."
"No, I don't. Get lost, man."
"Fine. Then, I love you."
"A horrible decision, really."
The boy with the chocolate brown hair, who Jeno dearly called Hyuck, walked in the dark, to the corner of the room, to find a lump of blankets.
"Found you!" Haechan cried, jumping on the lump, receiving a shout and a kick to the legs.
"You know you can't escape me, right?"
"I'm a trained killer, Hyuck. I think I can escape you if wanted to."
Jeno was tired. Not just physically, but mentally, emotionally and even spiritually, even though he didn't believe in God. He's always thought, if we believe in a good God, then why is there so much evil in the world? But now was not the time for deep philosophical thinking. He needed to cut off Haechan. He didn't want to, but he needed to. For his own safety.
He loved him. He loved him to bits. It was Haechan that brought light into his life. It was him that saved Jeno from himself. Haechan, for him, was his angel.
"Hey, sunshine. You're awfully quiet."
That snapped Jeno out of his thoughts.
"Huh? What?"
"You blanked out there for a second, Jen. I almost hit you with a pillow."
"Yeah, sorry about that, was just thinking about something."
"Hey, you're my bestie, you're my little ball of sunshine, you can count on this bad boy for anything, bro."
"Call me that again and you won't feel the sun on your skin again, Haechan."
No sooner did the words leave his mouth, Haechan jumped on him and proceeded to hug him and tickle him. God, did he love this idiot.
Jeno met Haechan when he was 9. After being hit for bringing home a stray cat, Jeno had run away with his new little friend and bumped straight into Haechan. Being his extroverted self, Haechan introduced himself, asked Jeno his name and then took him to his home. Haechan's home was Jeno's true home. It was his safe space. That day Jeno left his cat there and went back every day with the excuse of having to take care of the cat.
Haechan was always there for him. Haechan stayed. He never left Jeno, no matter his ups or downs. He was consistent, in his friendship, love and support. Haechan was his rock, his anchor, he was as Haechan called himself his 'platonic soulmate'.
Being a part of a gang was not Jeno's idea. It was his Dad's. His Dad who bet his son to work as a killer when he had nothing else to bet on. His Dad who made it impossible for Jeno to pay off the debts without continuing to be a killer. In Jeno's gloomy and misty life, Haechan was a ray of sunshine and of hope. Haechan was Jeno's family. The only family that mattered to him. To Jeno, DNA doesn't make family, love does, trust does and support does.
Haechan had saved Jeno multiple times. He saved Jeno from addiction, from killing himself, from his anger, from his sadness, from everything that was him.
Now, it was Jeno's turn to save him.
"Jenoooooo. Jenooo. Jeno!"
"What?"
"Nothing, you just zoned out there for a second again."
"Don't you have something useful to go instead of annoying me, Hyuck?"
"Nah, man. Annoying you is useful. It makes you wanna kill me and you know me, I like that kinda attention."
"Don't say that, you don't know what you're talking about."
"Well, anyways, I actually do have some work to attend to, gotta go annoy Renjun into giving me the notes from yesterday's class. I won't be sleeping over for the next two days, by the way, Mom's scared I'm gonna fail my exams, but because I know that you can't live without me, I'll try sneaking out! Bye, Jen! See you!"
"Goodbye, Hyuck"
This was it. Haechan wouldn't be over for two nights. He could leave town. He could make Haechan safe. This was it.
In the next 12 hours, Jeno packed all his belongings, cut all his relations and sold his apartment. Jeno had just finished one of the biggest jobs he had ever taken. He knew that they would come for him, for his family and the only family he cared for was Haechan. So he had to distance himself from Haechan, for his own safety. He should, he must.
Jeno moved five cities, just to be safe. He believed that the more far he moved, the more safe Haechan would be. And he knew that Hacehan wouldn't look for him. He had done this a lot of times. Haechan was pretty used to this by now. Sure, Jeno had never moved five cities before, but these people were some of the worst and Haechan needed to be safe. It was his duty to protect him after all that Haechan did for him. He just had to wait for a month and then he could take Haechan away, to a new place, to live as normal people, to get a house, a job, to have a regular order at the coffee shop, to have neighbours, to find love, to raise a family, all by Haechan at his side. The city had moved to was perfect for that. He had rented a cabin by the river, in the outskirts of the city, for the month. It was this beautiful place with a garden and a swing and everything. He could already imagine leading a perfect life there.
Jeno took an entire day setting up the cabin. As soon as he finished up, he hit the hay for that well deserved sleep. For the next day, Jeno had planned a few things, like going to the coffeeshop and introducing himself, buying flowers for the house and plants and tools for the garden. He was ready to finally relax.
Drinking his freshly rewed coffee, Jeno strolled up the hill to his cabin, stopping here and there, to pick wild flowers. On reaching the cabin, he stopped to find his keys, but stopped upon hearing a creak from inside. It's an old cabin, Jeno thought, the floorwork must be acting up.
No sooner had he stepped into the cabin, his vision went black.
After a few minutes, which for Jeno felt like hours, he woke up, with a pounding headache and blood fallind down his face. He panicked. His anxiety rose. He tensed. There's no way. They couldn't have found him so fast. He was so careful, so, so careful. Then, how?
"Well, well, well, if it isn't the Prince, himself"
Jeno knew that voice. All those horrible memories flooded back. He wanted to run, run from this man who made him into the monster that he was today. He wanted to be as far from his father as possible.
"Well, son? Nothing to tell your dear old father after all these year?"
"Get lost again, will you?" Jeno spat.
"Hmm. Not the response I expected, but maybe this may encourage you a bit. Bring him!"
There was a shuffle. Two men entered. One wore all black, but the other. The other had converse with the sun drawn on them. No, he didn't know about Haechan. How could he? No, God, plase, no. No.
"Haechan, was it, kid?"
"Not your freaking business, Grandpa. Jen, who is this clown? He's been talking shit for hours."
Jeno couldn't muster up his courage to face Haechan. He knew what was coming. He couldn't find his voice.
"It's, it's him, Hyuck, it's him"
"Hyuck? Really? God, you're just like your mother, so emotional, so full of feelings."
"Please don't hurt him, I'll do anything, please, just please, leave him alone."
"Oh, Jeno, you should have thought about the consequences of killing my business partner, then. Do you know how much I lost? Because of your foolishness? Your greed for money? I told you to join my gang so many times, yet you didn't and now here we are."
"Jen, what's he talking about?"
"Oh, it's nothing you need to worry about, kid. It's father son business. Now, Jeno, I'm going t show you the consequences for your actions. Your stupidity already killed your mother, now you friend, too. Now that he'll be gone, too. Why don't you come work for me. Maybe, I'll even pay you back for all the debts. What say, huh?"
"Not a chance, you filthy piece of shit! You think you can just waltz back into his life and make him do your bidding, well, I've got news for you"
"Agh, you've got quit mouth on you kid, I don't like it. Do it."
As soon as the door was closed behind Jeno's dad, the man on Haechan's left pulled out a gun, shooting Haechan in the stomach, right where it should kill him.
"NOOOOOOOO! PLEASE, GOD, NO, NOT HIM, PLEASE! HYUCK! HUCK!"
The man threw the gun to the side, and untied Jeno, making him run to his friend, taking him in his arms.
"Boss wants an answer in 10"
The two men closed the doors behind them. Jeno couldn't see straight. It was his fault. All his fault, Haechan was injured, he couldn't help him. It was all him. It was always him.
"Hey, Jen" croaked Haechan, trying to sit himself up straight.
"Hyuck, I'm sorry. It's my fault. I'm sorry. I'm sorry"
"Yo, I love you, man. I've always loved you and I will always love you, okay? You're my little ball of sunshine, you're my best friend, man"
"Yeah, I love you, too"
"Finally! I've been waiting for years for you to say that. Now be a good friend and sing me a song, Jen"
"Huck, no, I'm sorry, this is because of me. I shouldn't have talked to you. I should've moved more far. It's my fault you're like this."
"Hey, you and I both know that it isn't your fault, my time's over, that's all. Now, sing me a song, I don't want to die like this, it's not a very good story to tell, sing me our song, Jen, one last time"
Jeno couldn't, but he wanted to, he wanted to sing that song, that song that he so closely associated with Haechan. He wanted to sing it for the last time.
"You are my sunshine, my only sunshine
You make me happy when skies are gray
You'll never know, dear, how much I love you
Please don't take my sunshine away"
Jeno sang, he sang his heart out, he sang for his friend, for the only person who loved him.
"The other night, dear, as I lay sleeping
I dreamed I held you in my arms
When I awoke, dear, I was mistaken
So I hung my head and cried"
Haechan had a smile on his face. His eyes were closing, but he still hummed to the song. Jeno took the gun in his hands. The humming stopped. He put the gun to his chest, right where the heart should be.
Hello hello! Hope you're all well! Currently looking forward to the end of this semester in 3 weeks woo woo.
Thought about gifting you guys a picture I took of Jeno. Feels so WEIRD saying that like AH. Needed to share the beauty of this man. I went to the Dream concert and I'm still in post concert depresso espresso mode. So, channeling that into sharing cuz that's caring ^~^
NOTE | saw an edited image of jeno as joker and let me tell you, it had me feeling a certain way. so I was inspired to do a lil something. :)
WARNING | not much but there is a moment where jeno slightly hurts reader. in no way is this meant to be projected on him as a person. we all now that man is softer than a puppy.
SUMMARY | you’ve been wandering the streets with batman after a few months of having left jeno. the clown prince of gotham had broken your heart too many times for you to take. when word reaches his ears about your outings with his nemesis, he’s even more desperate to find you. when he finally catches up to you, demanding you to come back he realizes batsy’s influence reached your pretty head. he doesn’t remember you ever being so stubborn and he doesn’t like it. not one bit.
You’re sitting on the edge of the rusty container box, legs dangling and hitting against the metal. You were looking off into the skies, seeing how the stars twinkled in the vast darkness. They looked pretty, but you thought they’d look even more beautiful ruined in flames and ashes. You hear a voice call your name below, from a shadow that starts to take form. One you’d recognize anywhere.
“Harley. You’ve done so well to hide yourself.”
“Puddin.”
Jeno closes his eyes, taking in the way you call him by his nickname. The one you chose for him. When he opens his eyes, he’s staring deep into your chaotic ones.
“My little one. You’ve run off for so long. Did you enjoy yourself?” Your lips curl into a grin, in a way so special to you but also resembling the unhinged and dangerous expression of your Joker. You learned it from him after all, he was the one who reached out to you in that long ago lonely and pathetic life.
You speak in between giggles and dramatic gestures, “The worlds so dull puddin! I only gave it a splash of color.” Jeno gestures for you to come down. His arms opened wide as if he’d catch you. That tempts you to do so. Oh how lovely it would be to jump into his arms, losing yourself in those manic eyes, playing with his deep green hair that matches so well with the purple jacket he’s wearing. But you don’t.
“Darling, I’m happy I’ve found you. Won’t you come down here and give me a kiss?” You pout, feigning that you couldn’t hear him. Just as he’s always done to you.
“I hear your pet soldier gave you some intel. Sad that I went on a play date with batsy?” That wipes the grin off his face. Ha, hypocrite.
“That was not a play date. It was a mistake. But I’m willing to overlook it if you just come down and greet me. Be a dear won’t you? You know I don’t beg.” Jeno was never one to beg. Of course not. No, people begged at his feet instead. To have mercy, to let them go, or to be adoring devotees. But he never got on his knees for anyone. Not even for you. Which was why you were enjoying looking down upon him, having him call out for you. Maybe he meant it or maybe not. You couldn’t know, you spent years dedicated to loving him. And he repaid you with a broken heart.
“But it’s such a pretty look on you sweets.”
“Harleen Quinzel.” You come to a slow stop. Well that was a first. Never had Joker ever called you by that name. That person died long ago. Oh, that had to mean that Jeno was genuinely upset with you. Has he ever felt that before? You bring your hand up to cover the little gasp that leaves your mouth.
“Are you…perhaps upset with me,” you enunciate his name slowly, “J-e-n-o?” You start laughing and miss how his playful expression became more angered. The grin on his mouth was there but an angry glare shone in his eyes.
“Upset? No darling, how could I ever be upset with you? Although, it’s starting to tire me of having to wait for you to come down.”
“Then maybe you should try comin up puddin-” You barely finish your sentence when Joker lunges forward grabbing you by your ankle. He pulls you down into his embrace while you feel the burning pain of your back being slammed into the metal box. Jeno looks down at you but you don’t back down. Not after all he’s done, after all those times of whispering lies to you.
“My little darling, you’ve been gone so long. I’ve actually started to miss you.” Jeno does something that you didn’t expect in his nature. He wraps his arms around your waist, pulling you closer to him as he places his lips on yours. It’s an angry kiss, as he entangles himself within you. But it starts to slow down and soon Jeno’s lips are moving more softly against yours, little pecks here and there. Was he ever that gentle?
He separates from you, now nuzzling his face into the crook of your neck. Your breathing is heavy as you stare wide eyed into nothingness. You weren’t scared of him. You weren’t scared of your love for him. People used to think you foolish for wanting him. But you could care less because he had taken you into his arms. But then he’d hurt you deeply and it made you want to laugh and laugh because you could never figure him out entirely.
He hums slowly, “You won’t run away from me again will you? I almost went mad.”
“But you are mad puddin.” Jeno's deep laugh projects out into the night.
“You know what’s true madness? Have you ever tasted it?” Jeno comes up to look into your eyes as you do his. You know your answer but you want to hear him say it.
“Do you want to know what it tastes like? Hm?” and with a quick glance to your lips he whispers, “it tastes like you.”
Joker’s always been all about his cause of madness and his crazed obsession with Batman. The only one who was up to par with his antics and atrocities. But maybe that wasn’t all he was obsessed with. Not with the way you started to make him feel. Batman was important to him. But so were you. And he knew what he meant to you. So anytime you decided you weren’t feeling well or that he wasn’t treating you just right, he’d paint the city red just for you. Just as you would do for him. Because that’s how he showed his love. Even if he couldn’t accept that it was that which he felt for you.
