summary: what was the king thinking when he promised your hand to general lee, the most intimidating and ferocious man in the country?
genre: fluff, angst, smut
warnings: joseon dynasty era (but please, this is not historically accurate in the slightest, only what i remember from old k-dramas), descriptions of violence and blood, pregnancy, a little traumatic childbirth scene, loss of virginity, breeding kink, fingering, spitting, creampie
release date: august 26, 2026
this fic is already released for early access to the $5 tier on my patreon, which you can access here!
If you thought palace life was boring, it never dawned on you that married life could be worse.
In the palace, you were constantly occupied with lessons and tugging your court ladies along to the markets so you could buy hair pins or new cosmetics. You had more freedom than you thought.
Here, in Jeno’s home, you are a prisoner.
“I do not understand. I want to take Soeun to the market because I need new fabrics for my dresses. What exactly is the command you have received from my husband?”
Jaemin is Jeno’s most trusted guard. You found his constant appearance to be calming when you first entered the grounds, but now he is simply a pest you cannot get rid of.
He’s the block that prevents you from exiting through the gates. You try to sidestep away from him and towards your horse, but he refuses to let you pass.
“My lady, it is imperative that you stay inside while General Lee is away. I shall send word that you would like to go shopping when he returns home,” Jaemin says, attempting to comfort you.
His dismissal only infuriates you further. “My husband returns home in the dead of night. Tell me, have you ever been to a market that sells fabrics in the dead of night?”
Jaemin swallows. “No, my lady, I have not.”
“What exactly is the danger that General Lee refuses to disclose to me? If I have a target on my back, I have the right to know so I can defend myself.”
“My lady, I promise you are safe within these walls. If you want to send Soeun to the market on your behalf, I will gladly let her leave with no complaints.”
You clench your jaw and spin away from him, stomping back into your shared home with Jeno. It’s been three weeks since your ceremony, yet you have only seen your husband for less than five days. He has slept in a separate room since your arrival, occupying one of the smaller quarters at the end of the hall. You rarely eat together as he returns home far too late and he’s gone by the time the sun has risen.
You would be worried about his sleep schedule if you knew him better.
You like the separation and his respect for your boundaries, but you are deeply concerned that you still have not slept together as a proper husband and wife. Soon enough, the palace will ask why you are not with child yet and you will not have a reasonable answer to provide.
That night, you stay up late, wanting to confront Jeno about your forced imprisonment.
Soeun worriedly comes into your room as the time continues to tick by with no sign of your husband.
“My lady, perhaps I can wake you up early before he leaves again. You should get some rest. It will do you no good to sacrifice your health for this,” she says, placing a hand over your forehead to check your temperature.
You swat her away, glaring at the closed door like it’s personally wronged you. You’re waiting to hear the thump of his horse against the ground and the low whistle as he calls for a nearby worker to help.
You will not miss him tonight.
“He is my husband, Soeun. I should be able to speak with him like any other wife. I will not rest until he is home.”
She sighs at your stubbornness but nods, replacing your candle with another and leaving you to your own devices. You watch the flame flicker in the dimly lit bedroom, curious as to when your life started to feel so small.
Your eyes burst open when the rickety sound of the gates opening echo throughout the grounds. You must’ve fallen asleep as you’re slumped over on the floor. You sit up, rolling out the aches in your neck and shakily heading towards the door.
The gruff voice of your husband fills the entryway.
“I will take my supper in my room after my bath.”
You open the door and gasp when you see the state Jeno is in. His eyes pierce through you as you examine him. He’s covered head to toe in blood and dirt.
You grip the handles of the door, struggling to find your voice. “G-General Lee, you h-have returned.”
“My lady,” he nods, not at all disturbed by the fact that he looks like he walked out of a bloodbath. “You are still awake.”
“I was awaiting your arrival,” you whisper. “May we speak privately?”
He joins you in your room and you silently comprehend the fact that you have married a man who witnesses such grotesque violence daily without blinking an eye. What was your father thinking when he tied you to him?
He waits for you to start, keeping a safe distance from you. If you were a true husband and wife, is this how he would slip into your room at night? Drenched in his enemy’s blood while he tries to climb on top of you?
“I want to understand why I am trapped in my own home.”
He exhales. “You are not trapped here. Any decisions that Jaemin reinforces are for your own safety.”
“Please elaborate on how my safety is compromised. The king says this to me, my head court lady says this to me, and you say this to me yet I fail to see how locking me like an animal in a cage is beneficial to any party,” you demand, tired of playing his games.
He grits his teeth, clearly not enjoying the way you callously speak to him. Any other soldier would have laid his hands on you by now, teaching you the repercussions of your actions with sheer force.
“May we address this topic when I return home tomorrow? As you can see, I am in need of a warm bath.”
“No, we may not!” You argue, refusing to let him escape from you again. Who knows what time he will come home tomorrow? You could just become stuck in an endless loop of waiting up for a husband who never acknowledges you. “I want to discuss this now. You have ignored me for too long.”
“I thought you wanted to be ignored, my lady,” he replies, eyes narrowed. “I thought you were the one who ran to your brother, afraid that I would kill you in your sleep?”
You frown. Sungchan has been revealing your secrets to him. Can you trust no one? Will they all report back to your husband?
You take a deep breath, calming yourself before you say, “I just want to go to the market without Jaemin breathing down my neck. I am no longer living in the palace and cannot wear the same dresses as before. If the seamstresses are to create new ones for me, I must approve of the fabrics they purchase.”
He nods, sensing your reluctant extension of an olive branch. You do not wish to spar with your husband, you just want to understand the reasoning behind his actions. You’re still slightly afraid that he will transform into a different person one day, pushed to the edge by your constant complaints.
You have unfortunately heard many horror stories regarding ill-tempered husbands.
“If it is your desire, my lady, I do not want to prevent you from the joys in life. But I beg you to bring Jaemin along. I cannot explain due to your father’s orders, but I promise you that I am doing this for your protection.”
So your father has instigated this. Jeno is simply a good soldier who will follow his king’s orders. He doesn’t genuinely care about your safety, he just wants to appease your father.
You bow. “Thank you for your kindness, General Lee. I shall let you wash up properly.”
He pauses as if he wants to say something else, but he decides against it, leaving you to ruminate on your thoughts alone.
want to read the rest of this fic now? access the $5 tier on my patreon here!
synopsis: your loyal best friend whose feelings have long outgrown platonic ties.
genre: slice of life, i guess. angst. eventual smut. slowburn (if you squint). friends to lovers. mutual pining.
word count: 9.6k~
warnings: both reader and jeno are two idiots so prepare to be ragebaited. mentions of karina and jaemin. jeno gets major jealousy. cussing and a bit of arguing. cunnilingus, fingering, unprotected sex (uh oh!), dirty talk, petnames, mock sympathy, dom!jeno, praise kink, teensy bit overstimulation... i think that's it lmao ?
mimi's note ࣪ ˖ ི : i first wanted to start off saying thank you all SO FREAKING MUCH for all the support on my blog so far, i wasn't expecting my work to be loved this early 🥹 so as a proper gift of gratitude, i present my first (kinda) full-fledged jeno fic!! i know ncity's a bit fucked rn so hope this helps.. anyways, happy reading <3
it's hard to say when it began, this confidant-like friendship you now share with jeno. you two met through mutual friends, and slowly yet surely, he became the one person you turn to with every romantic disappointment that plagues your life.
ghosted by a man again? tell jeno. regretting a horrid hookup? jeno's hearing of it. developing feelings for a guy from another dating app? jeno, jeno, jeno.
it's not like you set out to use him as your personal therapist or something; he just happened to be an exceptionally good listener. and he never once complained.
this time was no different. you had bombarded jeno with multiple (wildly over dramatic) messages, demanding that he come over at once because of an "emergency conversation" that you simply had to inform him of. of course, being the ever-present and dependable friend he is, he dropped everything and came.
when he arrives, you're already dragging him inside and shutting the door behind him with a tad too much urgency, breaths uneven. you're in simple home clothes: a fitted tank top and relaxed shorts. jeno's attention drifts over your form for a moment too long. he feels his throat close up and his heart begins to hammer against his ribs. you look absolutely radiant. it's a domesticity that feels like a taunt; other men that you involve yourself with that get to have access to the utmost beauty that you are... and he doesn't. he hates it.
he shakes himself out of his trance and deliberately shifts his focus back to your face.
"...alright. what's going on?"
you're practically bouncing on your toes, letting out tiny squeals and excited little exhales. it's so cute to him that he wants to bash his face in. when your energy finally dips slightly, you seize him by his collar and yank him close, until your faces are just inches apart.
"me and you are going on a double date!"
jeno's head begins to reel from your words. a... double date? you've organized a date for yourself and actually found a girl for him as well? the thought alone is exhausting. his unrequited love for you is nearly impossible to suppress as it is, and now he has to spend an entire evening pretending as though he's at all interested in another woman while watching you with another man? it sounds like a nightmare.
but he can't bear to refuse when you look so happy. your wide smile and the way you're jumping and giggling, it's one of the most adorable sights he's ever witnessed. and so, his response spills out of him before he can even reconsider.
"when is it? and where, exactly?"
another soft, delighted squeal slips from your lips, and he feels any remnants of his hesitant resistance to the offer crumble, melting like warm putty at the sound of it.
"it's next weekend! at that one bar/grill joint we passed that one time—you remember, right?" you exclaim, eyes sparkling with that beautiful anticipation. "please, please, please tell me you're free then, jen-jen."
jen-jen.
if you weren't already mercilessly tugging at his heartstrings, that infuriatingly sweet little nickname would have singlehandedly shattered and snapped them completely.
"yeah.. yeah, i'll make sure to free up my schedule for next weekend."
you yelp out of joy, immediately throwing your arms around him and murmuring soft words of gratitude and encouragement while he quietly feels his heart simultaneously break and swell at your embrace.
in what feels like a much shorter time span than a week, the destined weekend double date finally arrives. jeno is all nerves and anxiety, his traitorously unhelpful conscience conjuring up all the many ways this could go very wrong.
the plan is for him to pick you up from your apartment at exactly 6:30 and no later than to head to the place together, since it's already half an hour drive.
he dressed casual, but not too casual. he pulled on a gray-ish henley with dark wash jeans and some brown, small boots. not too shabby, he supposed.
when he pulled up to your apartment and knocked on the door, he barely had time to wait twenty seconds before you swung it open. when his eyes landed on you, you stood there dressed in one of the most beautiful, casually enchanting dresses he's ever seen you in. and considering how many times he's had the misfortune of watching you doll up for other men, that's saying something.
"wow, you look..." he mumbles under his breath. he doesn't even have time to wonder if you caught it because you cut him off before the sentence can fully take shape.
you smooth the fabric of your dress with a quick motion and pick up your delicate purse from the small stand near the door. it then clicks shut behind you as you step out into the very pleasant weather of an august evening. the scent of your feminine, airy perfume wafts up to jeno's nose in large waves of sweetness, which is more than his already precarious restraint can bear.
"oh my goodness, you're perfectly on time!" you exclaim. "we should leave now—i don't want us to be late."
he nods and immediately leads you to the parking lot, opening the passenger door of his car for you, the gesture silent but undeniable in its chivalry. despite the 'just friends' label that you both stupidly cling onto, he can't resist treating you with every ounce of tender, gentlemanly attention a boyfriend would. the same attention you complain to him about not finding in any man you talk to romantically.
if only you bothered to open your eyes...
you climb into his passenger seat, swiftly clicking in your seatbelt with one hand while the other pulls out your phone to type in the name of the joint into the GPS app. jeno walks around the car and slips into the driver's seat, switching on the ignition and clicking in his own seatbelt.
"i'm so freaking excited, jeno, seriously. me and this guy have great chemistry, and i'm sure that you'll love his friend that he's bringing too. she's super pretty. wanna see?"
he's not at all excited. he shakes his head, gently taking your phone from your hands and placing it on his right thigh with the directions on-screen as he pulls out of the parking lot, one arm moving to rest behind your headrest as he reverses.
"i'll see her anyway when we get there, no?"
you blow a lighthearted raspberry at him, flipping down the overhead mirror to take one last glance at your makeup. light brown tones dust your eyelids, while a delicately lighter shade of pink warm your cheeks. your lips, coated with a thin layer of glossy sheen, look succulent and soft under the combined, dim light of the car and the moon above.
it's an entire battle in and of itself for him to keep his eyes on the road ahead, and not blatantly gawk at you the way he wants to.
it kills him to ask—to feign interest in any aspect of this situation—but anything to break the silence that's beginning to envelope the space of the car.
"so... about the guy. and the girl too, i guess. but um.. how well do you know them?"
you snap the overhead mirror back into place, gently tugging the hem of your dress a little lower on your thighs. clearing your throat, you speak with that easy, naturally smooth tone that has developed between you two after months of closeness.
"well, i don't know the girl at all—tonight will be my first time meeting her, too. but the guy, we've been talking back and forth for about a month now. his name is jaemin—he's really hot, actually, but i can't tell if he's just another jackass... guess we'll find out."
jeno simply nods along, his face betraying nothing of his inner turmoil and how every word leaving your lips is slowly chipping away at and dismantling his sanity and emotional control.
"i'm excited," is all he murmurs. you clap and smile widely, beaming with delight at his apparent enthusiasm. you remain unaware of just how violently he's fighting the impulse to turn his car all the way back to your apartment and call this whole idiotic 'quadruple date' off.
for the rest of the ride, he switches on some smooth r&b, velvety vocals and silky instrumentals flowing through the speakers at a comfortable volume, wrapping the car in a cocoon of intimate warmth.
approximately half an hour later, they pull into the parking lot of the bar/grill joint, the sturdy yet inviting brick building's windows already showing flickers of other customers within the establishment, which is bathed in yellow-toned lighting.
you exited the car almost before he had fully parked, and the sight made his stomach churn. he felt the urge to lock the doors and remain seated (possibly for the rest of his days) intensify. only now that he was parked in front of the building, which seemed more like hell on earth than an inviting, fun place to enjoy a night out, was the reality of the situation beginning to crystallize.
when you glanced back and saw jeno still frozen behind the wheel through the windshield, you waved him over with a playful gesture, your expression blooming into one of your signature, sweet, torturously disarming smiles; the very one he wishes he could devour right off your pretty little face.
he sighs softly to himself, muttering "just do it, it'll be fine" over and over under his breath as he opens the driver's side door, climbing out of the car and walking over to your side, following you into the establishment.
he rests a hand on the small of your back as you enter together, the touch effortlessly instinctive. the lively chaos of the combined bar and grill immediately swallows both of you. almost every table is packed with customers, some nursing drinks while others enjoy meticulously prepared meals. a vibrant tapestry of chatter and laughter fill the space as your eyes sweep the room in search of the two individuals you're here to acquaint yourselves with.
finally, your eyes land on a man with jet black hair, the strands artfully arranged to accentuate his striking appearance. beside him stood a woman whose face you couldn't quite discern all the way from here, but from what you can see, she looks drop-dead gorgeous. that must be jaemin and his friend. you practically gripped jeno's arm and led him across the room with purposeful strides to the table in the corner.
as you and jeno approached the table, jaemin and his friend glanced up with welcoming smiles and rose from their chairs to greet you both. and wow... jaemin had not overstated his friend's beauty. up close, she was stunning—every contour and soft play of light on her face seems handcrafted by Aphrodite herself. an almost ethereal loveliness.
"you must be karina, right?"
she nods with a smile of such devastating beauty that you're convinced it has felled hundreds of hearts across her lifetime.
you two exchange quick and friendly introductions, and you greet jaemin in turn, who looks like he's trying his absolute best not to check you out. then her gaze moves to jeno, drawn almost immediately to the way one of his hands is gently resting on the small of your back. she chuckles softly to herself at the sight, and then her eyes meet yours again.
"you sure you two are just friends...?"
you laugh, the sound carrying a unintentional hint of awkwardness, as you nod in quick succession. you reach back and carefully remove jeno's hand from your lower back. you felt it—the way his fingers resisted for a moment, clinging to yours stubbornly before releasing.
another of those quiet, intimate gestures that you habitually ignored for the sake of maintaining the fragile boundary of friendship.
"yeah, yeah, of course! jeno's like a brother to me, i swear."
jeno's jaw tightened at the uncomfortable description, but he schooled his expression to one of neutrality. after all, it was perfectly reasonable for you to see him as a brotherly figure. though the sting of it lingered nonetheless.
jaemin took your hand and led you to the seat beside his, pulling it out with the courtesy of a proper gentleman. jeno watched the exchange with the most weakly masked unease, though he stayed silent, lowering himself in the chair next to karina's. she offered him a warm smile. any other man would have melted at the sight, but jeno returned only a polite grin before facing forward. he bore the girl no ill will - she was strikingly beautiful and clearly kind - but his heart has belonged to another for so long that he can't even begin to feign interest in others anymore.
a few long-ish minutes later, a female server approaches the table, and with the amount of patrons currently in the establishment, how flushed her face is, and how she's slightly panting, you can tell they're slammed tonight.
"hello, i'm terribly sorry for the wait! what can i get you guys?"
the group settled on their orders. jaemin opted for pulled pork paired with complimenting whiskey, karina chose a margarita alongside a New York strip steak, you went with grilled chicken and vodka, and finally, jeno ordered the pork chops, along with the only non-alcoholic drink at the table - crisp apple cider.
the server jotted down your orders on her notepad with a certain impressive speed that only years of food service could hone. she assures you all that the kitchen would begin preparing your dishes shortly, then hurried off with a quick smile.
once the drinks arrived, the table erupted into small cheers and murmurs of gratitude. jaemin raised his glass of whiskey and clinked it softly against yours with a warm, charming grin. "to a fun night," he murmured, voice like silk, "and to the company of an absolutely gorgeous woman."
you giggled softly and lifted your glass to clink it against his, taking a delicate sip of the colorless vodka. the liquid leaves a satisfying burn as it slides down your throat. across the table, jeno observes this intimate interaction with a heavy gaze, taking weak, insufficient sips of his cider. karina either is completely incognizant to how jeno's eyes are blatantly glued onto you and jaemin, or she did indeed detect it and chose not to acknowledge it. it seems to be more likely the latter since she then leans in and rests a boldly flirtatious hand on his thigh.
"hey there," she purred, her voice laced with amusement. "you've been awfully quiet since you got here." she laughed softly and scooted her chair closer to his, despite being right beside each other. "i don't think i've heard you say a single word yet."
jeno is snapped out of his very unambiguous studying of you and jaemin, turning to look at karina. her winsome, inviting eyes stare right back at him expectantly, and he feels slightly shamefaced for glaringly neglecting this girl and barely acknowledging her presence, too focused on the conversation you and jaemin are currently engrossed in. he clears his throat and internally pressures himself to at least attempt small-talk with this hopeful woman.
"hey, sorry about that." he replied, trying to shake off the distance and awkwardness. "i didn't mean to seem aloof. but anyways, tell me more about yourself. do you live around here?"
karina seemed much more animated now that jeno was actually participating in the conversation and not dwelling inside his own head. she nods enthusiastically, her fingers tapping a gentle rhythm where they rest on his thigh.
"yeah, i just moved to this area about half a year ago," she said with a warm, sincere smile. "it's been lovely so far!"
jeno gave her a small nod and smiled back politely, the picture of poise. in truth, behaving as though he was absorbed in whatever karina was going on about right beside him felt far more tortuous than he had projected. he tried to contain himself, to restrict his gaze from perpetually finding you and jaemin across the table. he couldn't. his knee was beginning to jitter uncontrollably, sweat was coating his palms in a thin layer of glistening sheen, and his jaw cinched repeatedly. karina's voice dissolved further into the background while the chatter of you and jaemin became deafeningly loud, echoing throughout the recesses of his mind.
luckily, the food arrived just then - a very crucial distraction from jeno's downward spiral. you all thank the server heartily, taking your respective plates while warm steam rises up from the meals in curling plumes. the ambrosial scent of cooked/grilled meat wraps around everyone, and you all fumble to uncover the knives and forks from their neatly folded napkins. jaemin leans over and whispers something to you that jeno - to his disappointment - couldn't decipher from across the table, earning a small chuckle from you. he reaches over to steal a slice of your grilled chicken and you smack his hand away, pushing him gently. he laughs at it; as do you. and all the while, jeno can't seem to look away from your naturally cute and intimate little moment with jaemin.
why was he condemned to sit on the sidelines, forced to spectate you lavish your warmth and attention onto any man but him?
karina observed it all, naturally. i mean, if you weren't so thoroughly preoccupied with jaemin and his flirtatious charm, you would too. anyone with eyes who bothered to pay even an ounce of attention could see how obvious it was that jeno's awareness was fixed on you and the man at your side.
he tore into the tender pork meat harder than necessary, the sharp line of his jaw clenching with each grind of his teeth. this is pure hell for him. he's not sure how much longer he can sit at this table and watch you glow for another man until he ends up clawing his own face off (and jaemin's too.)
then karina claps her hands, successfully drawing attention from the group as she shifts in her chair. "alright, guys, how about a fun icebreaker? never have i ever, two truths and a lie - a game to actually get to know each other?"
you and jaemin are quick to show enthusiasm, but jeno's face remains meticulously deadpan. you finally notice his contrast of reaction from the group and lean forward, addressing him for what is probably the first time since you and jaemin became lost in conversation.
"you're okay with that, right, jen-jen?"
again, that stupid fucking nickname that sends his heart racing faster than it ever should. sometimes he wished that you were simply ordinary. that you'd call him jeno like everyone else does, look ordinary, act ordinary. that you'd just be the most unremarkable and dull woman that he'd have no issue keeping at a platonic distance comfortably. but of course… you're the farthest thing from ordinary. you're lively, magnetic, fun, and one of the most captivating people he's ever had the pleasure of being around. and if he wasn't so utterly terrified of losing your company forever by telling you that his feelings for you ran far deeper than friendship, he would. he'd have told you the moment he realized the truth himself, would have shouted it from the rooftops. but alas, fear of causing your absence from his life has kept him silent and in suffering. and here he remained.
"yeah, of course. i'm up for a fun game."
you smiled warmly at his agreement, seemingly oblivious to his internal torment. and as if watching you be all lovey-dovey with jaemin since the second you two got here wasn't agonizing enough, he now had to witness you casually lean into his side as jaemin's hand boldly found its place on your waist. he clenched his jaw until it ached and tore his eyes away before he did something he'll truly regret - like dragging you out of this damn restaurant and into the backseat of his car where he'd fuck your brains out the way he's been desperately yearning to for far longer than is acceptable.
right then karina pipes up, speaking excitedly and grabbing jeno's hand under the table to intertwine it with hers, like they're already an established couple. "then let's play never have i ever and if you've done the thing mentioned, you have to take an extra large drink of whatever alcohol you ordered, okay? you have to be honest!"
she then tilted toward jeno and whispered softly to him, her voice flirtatious and kittenish - which, again, he would've wholly liquefied at if every inch of his very heavy heart wasn't served bare on a platter just for you. "i know you got cider, so we can just share my drink for the game, handsome." she purred.
jeno gave karina a wordless nod and a strained smile. although he had no desire to share a drink with her. no desire or pull to play this ridiculous game. and he certainly had no desire in seeing jaemin's relentless flirtation towards you, or even worse, to endure the sight of you and your girlish coquetry towards him. he wanted none of this. yet still, he had let you drag him here without so much as a single objection because of how you had lit up from within just talking about this. and in the end, he knows deep down that here he'll stay, in silent agony, if it was what you wanted.
because what is lee jeno if not a fool for you?
the questions started innocently enough, none of them really pertaining to any of jeno's past (or distressingly current) experiences. things like "never have i ever slept with someone on the first day of knowing them," which jaemin and you, much to his dismay, drank to. the thought of some undeserving man who most likely fumbled through sex - failing to please you the way he knows he could - earning the privilege of taking you to bed on the first day... it burns a hole bubbling with searing jealousy through his chest.
karina comes up with the next question, sitting up straight in her seat as she clears her throat. "okay, what about.. never have i ever had feelings for a friend."
the table goes silent for a few moments. jaemin laughs insouciantly, putting up both hands in a cheeky gesture of mock surrender. "not me. all my friends stay friends." karina giggles and makes no move to drink either. then, jeno gently takes hold of the shared alcohol between him and karina, and takes a large, intentional gulp, far larger than necessary. your eyes hovered on his action, and after a few seemingly drawn-out seconds, you lift your own drink and take a sip.
jaemin uttered out an absurdly immature "oohhh", prompting you to gently elbow him while scoffing. jeno, however, stayed mostly stone faced. if anyone bothered to spare a glance under the table, the only thing to give him away would be the restless bounce of his leg.
you sighed softly and shrugged, letting your back press against the backrest of the chair as though your words held no weight at all. "i don't know," you muttered. "sure, i've developed feelings for a few guy friends over the years, but it was never anything major." but jeno had caught the way your eyes had stayed on him when he drank after the question. how it felt as though you weren't planning to drink until he had, which is when you lifted your glass in tandem. your nonchalance rang hollow in his ears - he wasn't convinced. or maybe it was another false impression.
jaemin then turned to jeno, probably their very first one-on-one interaction of the night, as he jutted his chin to him, a nonverbal beckon for his attention. "what about you? why'd you drink?"
jeno's eyes found yours for a fleeting moment before compelling his eyes back down to his drink, where he traced the rim of it with his index finger. "the same for me, i guess." he carded his fingers through his hair. "i sometimes become friends with women that i don't really have strictly platonic intentions with, and i just hope that over time, the label of friendship will drive my feelings to just fade. but... they usually don't."
a blanket of silence fell over the table before jaemin snorted softly, reaching across the table to gently shake jeno by the shoulder. "damn, man. that's gotta suck."
jeno pressed his lips into a thin, taut smile. his opinion of jaemin was souring further and further the longer this outing progressed, but he kept this sentiment carefully disguised, not wanting to spoil the mood.
the game carried on for another half hour, the restaurant gradually emptying out until only your table remained. jeno had only drank a few more times throughout the rounds and was just a tad bit tipsy, while you most definitely had fallen victim to the alcohol completely. you were all over jaemin now, pressing soft kisses on the side of his neck and murmuring things into his ear that he kept chuckling at. karina had apparently caught onto the way jeno's eyes were hooked onto any physical touch that was exchanged between you and jaemin, so she leaned in and whispered.
"you like her, don't you?"
jeno's head snapped to karina beside him, his stance frozen like a deer in headlights. he blinked at her, once, twice. she only laughed at him, gently patting him on the arm. "if you're gonna ask me how i know, save it. anyone with a working pair of eyes could figure it out. the real question is how she hasn't noticed yet."
jeno looked over at you - how your head was resting on jaemin's shoulder, how he was leaning in to brush his nose against yours. it made his fingers curl, nails digging into his thighs. "yeah. i do." he breathed. "and i'm sick of watching from the fucking sidelines."
karina pulled out her phone, noting the time: 10:05 pm. the restaurant was surely set to close soon. she drew near jeno again, voice low and slightly expectant as she spoke, "then tell that to her, not me. tonight. because if you don't... you'd better believe she'll be waking up in jaemin's bed come morning."
jeno visibly flinches at the thought, and his gaze lifts to find karina's. the flirtatious smiles that she had been offering him throughout the evening had faded completely, replaced by a warmer, more encouraging grin. and for the first time all night, jeno reciprocated her beaming expression. he reached over and gave her hand a gentle, friendly squeeze. "thank you, rina," he murmurs softly.
she waved her hand dismissively, her smile shifting to something more mischievous but still warm. "oh, don't thank me. the last thing i want is to try and pursue a guy whose heart is already taken." then she stands up, her voice louder now to get yours and jaemin's attention.
"alright, guys! it's getting late, let's wrap up here."
you let out a drunken groan of disappointment and latched onto jaemin's arm, shaking your head like a petulant child. he chuckled and began to rise, trying to coax you out of your seat as well. after a few moments of half-hearted resistance, you finally gave in, swaying from side to side as you stood shakily.
"come on, darling. let's get you into the car," jaemin hummed, one strong arm wrapped securely around your waist while he carried your purse in his other hand. jeno glanced at the other man's affectionate touch on you from the corner of his eye, jaw tightening as he willed his feet forward, to the restaurant exit. he reached the door before the rest of you, holding it open.
karina stepped outside first and waited for the group, tapping her foot lightly against the pavement. the moment jaemin escorted you through the doorway, jeno moved. he couldn't refrain himself - he wanted nothing more than to be the one with his arm curved around your waist, holding you steady, feeling your delicate head be supported by his broad shoulder, all of it. he deserved that. more than jaemin, more than anyone.
jeno's large hand gently (yet firmly) slid around your upper arm and carefully extracted you from jaemin, pressing you into his side instead. his gaze shifted to jaemin's face, bewilderment evident on his features. the look swirling in jeno's eyes wasn't outright anger, but it was by no means friendly, either.
"i'll take care of her," he stated unwaveringly. with that, he guided you out of the doorway and into the cool night air, the faint chill skimming across your skin. jaemin blinked in clear confusion before trailing after you three. karina and jaemin made their way to their parked car that they arrived in as jeno helped you over to say your goodbyes.
"i'll text you soon, sweetheart," jaemin said, reaching out to touch your shoulder. a tipsy smile rounded your lips, but jeno deftly tilted you backward before jaemin's hand could even graze you. to any casual observer, it might've seemed like he was simply stabilizing you, but that was far from the truth. in reality, after nearly three excruciatingly long hours of watching you entwined with another man, he can no longer endure even the faintest whisper of jaemin's hands upon you.
after exchanging brief farewells with jaemin and karina (who had an almost imperceptible but clearly present smirk on her face), jeno paused. before he fully walked away and towards his car, he leaned in close to jaemin, just out of your earshot, and muttered, the muscles of his jaw tensing noticeably. "this was a one-time thing. trust me, she's not that interested in you. so move on." jaemin's eyes widened, but his discombobulated brain couldn't even form a proper response before jeno was already turning away, striding across the parking lot with you in his grasp. was any of that true? no. were you actually interested in jaemin? from what he witnessed while on the date, yes. but jeno didn't care. he refused to let this thing between you and jaemin blossom, which would undoubtedly oblige him to endure more instances of flirtatious tomfoolery between you two.
he then opens the passenger door and helps you inside, reaching over you to buckle you in, his large, warm fingers brushing your waist. the accidental contact sends a tingle up his spine, making him swallow deeply in order to collect himself and his unexpectedly improper thoughts. he closes the door and rounds the front of the car to the driver's side, slipping inside and clicking his buckle in as well.
jeno pulls out of the parking lot, observing with mild disgust and annoyance as you roll down your window to wave goodbye to jaemin and karina as the car passes them, and before you can blow a kiss to jaemin, jeno extends one hand from the steering wheel towards the window control panel on his left, swiftly pulling up on the switch for the passenger window, rolling it up.
you turn to frown at jeno, eyebrows furrowed and your bottom lip jutting out slightly in a pout. it would've been a cute sight if he wasn't already brimming with cutting envy and aggravation. "what's your deal tonight? if you told me you were gonna be in such a pissy mood all evening, then i would have just gone on the date alone, with only me and jaemin," you uttered. the words only further fueled the flame that was scorching him from the inside, and he blabbered out something bitter in reply.
"yeah, of course, and then there would be no one there to stop you from making the moronic decision of jumping his bones on the first night, right?"
your face wrinkled with ire, and you sat up straight despite the alcohol, clearly wired up now from his jab at you and your practices with men you talk to. your voice increased in volume as the hostility between you two blanketed the car in suffocating intensity. "oh, really?" you exclaimed. "and who the hell are you to fucking sit here and dictate who i can and can't sleep with?" he went rigid. he didn't have a clear answer to that without revealing the depth of his feelings for you.
he released a breath he hadn't realized he was holding and extinguished the blistering fire that had begun to engulf his insides, softening his tone. "i'm just looking out for you. i don't want idiots who don't even understand your worth to constantly have access to you... or your body," he breathed. as the words left his lips, he knew they skirted perilously close to the truth.
but clearly, his tone quieting didn't fully appease you the way he'd hoped. the alcohol in your system has made you especially susceptible to your emotions, and they were rapidly taking over for the still remaining twenty minutes of the drive back. the volume of your voice only increased and you spat back, "looking out for me? don't sit here and fucking bullshit me, jeno - you've never said shit about who i have sex with before. so why the hell are you suddenly in my business?" jeno gritted his teeth together at the honesty of your words. it was true, of course. he had rarely let himself bring this topic up and how much it frustrated him, but his composure was evaporating now. the weight of it was pressing down on his chest, trying to smother him in his own love for you.
meanwhile, you weren't entirely unaffected, either. for quite some time now, something had always been twisting your chest whenever jeno was near. a strange, incessant ache that shrunk you like a wrung-out cloth. it happened whenever you felt his hands unintentionally brush your skin, whenever you felt his eyes on you when you weren't looking, only for him to turn away the moment you glanced back his way. it frustrated you to no end, this inability to decipher him. how one second he seemed completely fine with your quest for finding the right guy, encouraging even, while the next he was disapproving of it all, snapping at you and calling your choices idiotic. the inconsistency made your head spin.
his temper was rising again as well, knuckles whitening as his fingers clutched the steering wheel like he was fighting not to rip it off. "because i can't fucking stand it," he growled. "i can't sit there and watch you throw yourself at him all night, let him touch you, kiss your neck like he has any right to. it makes me sick to my stomach, i mean, god damn it, sunshine, he doesn't even know you! you don't know him, and he deserves none of the privileges that you're simply handing to him, god, i just-" he cuts himself off with a sharp intake of breath, pressing his lips together.
the car was plunged into a weighty silence for several long seconds. your head snapped to look at him, chest rising and falling rapidly. your eyes burned into his side profile - that sharp jawline that you had privately dreamt of kissing. lower still, they drifted to that prominent bob of his adam's apple, that you had regularly imagined of dragging your nose along just to drown yourself in that masculine, musky scent of his. the bitterness in your tone was now laced with something much more deeply rooted in your friendship with jeno: hurt, confusion... yearning. "then why don't you ever say anything? why do you always do this, act all supportive of me getting to know other men and then randomly lose your shit on a random tuesday?"
jeno didn't answer. he didn't know how to without ripping open a door he wasn't ready to walk through. he didn't want to lose you. the fear of shattering the fragile balance of your friendship, trust, company... it's all that kept circulating in his mind. so, he remained silent throughout the rest of the drive to your apartment. however, you continued to fire off pointed arguments every few minutes, your annoyance and exasperation only fueled further by his stubborn silence. finally, he pulled into the parking spot right outside your building, and the second the car was parked, you unbuckled yourself and stormed out, with jeno trailing right behind. you flew up the lobby stairs and to your door, keys already in hand as you continued to complain. it was clear you were planning to resume this feud inside.
you shove the keys inside the keyhole and twist sharply, pushing the door open as your voice continues to cut through the air, jeno's large frame looming close behind you. "i mean, you have to fucking cooperate, jeno!" you snapped, irritation pouring out of you in large heaps. "i'm trying my best to understand what the hell is going on inside your head, and you just—"
he doesn't let you finish your sentence. the second the door shuts, he locks it and grabs you by the shoulders, walking you backwards until your back is flattened against the wall, leaving you trapped between the white surface behind you and his tall, muscular body in front of you. his pitch is much lower than it was in the car, rougher in a different way. not anger... but want. it made your stomach flip with something like excitement and pure desire. he's never once spoken to you like this. not the supportive, caring, loyal jeno you've grown to know. this version of him was entirely new, and you were shameless enough to like it.
"you wanna know what the fuck is going on in my head? huh?" his eyes bored into you with something you could only describe as raw hunger. "you really want me to say it? fine." his grip on your shoulders tightened, bordering on a sting. "i'm jealous, alright? I'm so fucking jealous of every single goddamn guy that you've gone on dates with, slept with, and spent any of your precious time with. why? because i want it. i want you. all for myself, every fucking piece."
you stood there and blinked at him with wide eyes, heart pounding so hard that it feels as though it's going to leap out of your chest and land right in his palms. his gaze softens somewhat when he sees your dumbfounded expression, and he drops his forehead to yours, breathing in your scent properly for what's probably the first time ever. he murmured, "i'm sorry for not telling you until now, i know, it's a stupid, stupid thing for me to hide it from you. i just... god, i just didn't want to lose you, and now i don't know if i already have—"
now it was your turn to cut him off. rising onto your toes to reach his mouth, your lips silencing his with a passionate kiss. it froze him for a good few seconds. then the dam shattered, and his larger, calloused hands abandoned your shoulders and tumbled into your hair, moving his lips against yours like he's been craving for the taste of you since the moment he first laid eyes upon you. the dominance of him is almost overwhelming as he caught your lower lip between his teeth, demanding entry. the instant your lips parted, his tongue swept inside and began tangling with yours.
you moaned into his mouth, fingers curling into his shirt as he pressed you harder against the wall, his strong body molding perfectly against yours. you can't remember the last time you felt this intoxicated by a man's touch. one of his hands left the strands of your hair to grip your thigh, hoisting it high around his waist as he ground himself against you, causing another soft whimper to roll off your tongue, which he was currently devouring. you could feel the growing tent in his jeans, which was only making your head swim with more indecent thoughts.
he broke the kiss briefly, only to trail his hot, open mouth along the line of your jaw and neck, making your head fall back against the wall and your lips part in a noiseless gasp. "fuck..." he pressed his nose to your neck, inhaling that heady, exquisite fragrance that always clung to you like it was your natural essence. he rasped against your skin, muttering, "you have no idea... just how many times i've dreamt of this. of you." he sounded desperate. like he doesn't know how to contain his passion for you now that he finally had you at his mercy. his hips twitched against yours, silently imploring for any kind of friction as his hand slipped under your dress, fingers poking into the silky smooth skin of your inner thighs.
"please," he whispers huskily between kisses placed to the delicate skin of your throat. "let me have you. i'll make you feel so good, i'll show you just how much i've longed for you—just, please. my gorgeous, gorgeous girl..." his hips still subtly rolled against yours, as if he was hardly holding himself back.
and how could you say no to him when he's pleading so pretty?
your fingers gently twisted the satiny strands of his hair that were fragrant with something fresh and citrusy like mint lemonade. you buried your nose into his hair, immersing yourself into his scent as you hummed against his locks, "then have me, jen. because god knows i've wanted you, too."
he lifts his head for his eyes to meet yours, irises sparkling with something like pleasant surprise and trust. he chuckles, shaking his head as if this situation is one of the most ridiculous circumstances he's ever caught himself tangled up in. "jesus, we are both so fucking stupid and blind."
and then his mouth slammed onto yours again, like any ounce of human etiquette had leaped out the window, leaving an unbridled, primal sense of want that was overriding any other emotion in his body. he lifted you off your feet, both large hands on the underside of your thighs as he carried you to your bedroom. he laid you down on your bed. the same bed that he had sat on many instances prior to this moment, while you ranted to him about another disappointing interaction with a man. all while he was battling not to strip you bare and show you how satisfactory he could really be for you.
his lips attached onto your pulse point and sucked, tongue flicking and teeth nipping gently. it made your back arch just slightly off the bed as you felt your panties clinging to your heat, which was becoming dewy with your juices. and as if he just had some kind of hunch on how damp you were growing because of him, he chuckled almost mockingly, warm palms sliding up your thighs and pushing up your dress.
"are you getting wet already, pretty? is that all it took for you? hmm?" he spread your legs to make room for himself, before his vision fell to the expanding wet spot on the center of your pink, cotton lace trim panties. his breath caught at the sight as he let out a shaky exhale. you felt so exposed - your face was reddening with warmth and your eyes had already gone cloudy despite him barely doing anything to you yet.
he gently reaches one finger between your legs and gently moves aside the strip covering your wetness, revealing your dripping, aching folds to his eyes. he lets out a broken, needy sound at the display - a mix between a low groan and a whimper. he curls that finger and slowly drags the undergarments all the way down your legs, tossing it somewhere, forgotten on your bedroom floor.
he brings his face closer to your heat, breath fanning on your oversensitive flesh as he trailed kisses up your inner thigh with as much patience as he could muster in this moment.
"my god, baby... you can't even fucking fathom how beautiful you are right now.."
you could barely process the flush his words were producing on the apples of your cheeks before you felt his lips press against you, making you choke out a soft gasp. he snickers at how effortlessly he pulls those lovely noises from you. he prefers to believe that none of those other assholes you were involved with got to you as much as he does. i mean, the proof is right here, isn't it?
he begins to place heated, open-mouthed kisses on your pussy, each one provoking a small shiver to ripple through you. then his tongue sweeps through your slit, all the way from bottom to top. it tugged a soft, needy whine from the back of your throat. your fingers hurried to grasp at his locks in between your legs, hips rolling forward and subconsciously seeking more of his mouth.
"there you go, sweetheart," he murmured against you, the sound delivering vibrations through your cunt, only adding to the ecstasy. "doing so good f'me.."
each filthy praise and desperate murmur that dripped from his lips like melted, drizzling honey only made you clench tighter around his tongue. he smirked against your soaked warmth, eyes flicking up to yours, which were half-lidded and pleasure-drunk. he knew what he was doing to you, and he fully intended on making you crumble for him like no other man had. and no other man ever will.
the tip of his tongue began circling and flitting against your extremely sensitive bud, forcing your sounds to evolve from simple whines and whimpers to uncontrolled moans and gasps, back arching off your sheets. and then you felt your eyes roll back and an unbridled wail push past your lips when he applied suction to your clit, your fingers tugging at his hair.
"jeno, fuck—! oh my god..."
he only doubled his efforts at your cry, determined to unravel you completely. one of his thick fingers teased your entrance before fully sinking it inside you, wet tongue still lapping and sucking at your puffy clit. the double sensation made a wave of blissful pleasure wash over you, making multiple whimpers of his name escape you.
and then he sped up. it felt less like he was doing it solely for your pleasure, and more like he himself was taking great delight in having your salty-sweet juices on his tongue.
another finger joined the one that was already curling inside you, scissoring to stretch you further. the tip of his tongue flicked faster against your swollen bud, your back arching and legs twitching. your hips began to buck and attempt to flee from his ministrations between your legs. so, his free hand reached up and placed one large palm in the center of your stomach, pressing down gently to stop you from slipping away. the pressure only made the tightening knot in your abdomen feel as though it was going to burst.
"don't move. i'm not done."
your sounds slowly became more high-pitched and frequent as you started to near your climax, fingers knotting into his hair and pulling as though he's currently your only anchor to this earth. he growl-hissed against your flesh at the sharp yank stinging his scalp, the feeling only spurring him on.
"j-jeno, oh my god... i'm gonna—!" you gasp.
jeno smirked darkly against your clit, still lapping at your clit like a pussy drunk man, a third finger teasing your dripping hole. he mutters the words hotly into your skin, which sends another shock of pleasure through your body. "think you can fit a third finger before you cum, baby? or is your pussy too tight for that?"
you were so close to your orgasm that you could practically taste it, and all that was spilling from you now were barely coherent babbles, broken whimpers, and frantic nods. he exhaled a laugh at your helplessness, the air blowing over your clit and only making your legs twitch once more. and then, one last flip of his tongue and a striking curl of his fingers sent you toppling over the edge. an intensely euphoric surge crashed into you as your orgasm hit: legs twitching, jaw going slack, digits plunging into his locks, all of it. jeno helped you ride through your climax, his movements slowing down so as to not overstimulate or pain you in any way.
after you come down from your high with your chest heaving and eyes fluttered shut, jeno finally withdraws from between your legs. his fingers slowly eased out from inside you as well, one final flutter of your walls punctuating his exit. when your heavy-lidded eyes do open, the sight that greets you is arguably filthier than the entirety of what he just did to you. holding your stare, he stuck his fingers, slick with your essence, into his mouth as he sucked them thoroughly. as if he couldn't bear to waste even a single drop of you.
you couldn't help but ask breathlessly, "been wanting to do that for a while, huh?"
his signature eye smile flashed across his features, the very one that makes him resemble an adorable Samoyed in human form. but right now, on him... it looked like pure, unadulterated sin. the condition he's in - hair mussed from your fingers, chin and mouth area still glistening with your juices, and his eyes, that remained utterly ravenous as they bored into yours. the sight alone made that familiar dampness in your core return, oozing out of your entrance in small driblets.
and then came his voice, raspy and slightly hoarse, and it sent a new jolt of fresh want gushing through your thumping veins.
"for a really long time, sweetheart. and it was better than any fantasy of mine."
he hooked his arms beneath your thighs and pulled you close, until you were pressed snugly against him. he leaned down, face hovering just above yours as his voice came out in a wanting, husky murmur, "and now all this... it's got me so hard, it hurts," he hoarsely declared. "fuck, baby, it really hurts. you'll help me, won't you? please.."
it was his indirect, almost bashful way of seeking permission to take things further than his mouth's devotion to you alone. he was undoubtedly pining for more, his body trembling almost imperceptibly above yours in sheer necessity. yet the way his eyes search yours makes it crystal-clear that he'd instantly stop if it was too much for you. even amidst his ardent lust, jeno's care and affection for you outweighed it all.
however, you found it absolutely ludicrous that he had even a shroud of doubt of your want, primarily because the amounts in which your arousal was dripping out of you and beginning to pool onto your sheets in a mortifyingly obvious stain should've been enough. but of course, jeno needed explicit consent. what a gentleman.
so you nodded, eyes still glassy with unsatisfied desire. you wanted to go further, perhaps even more than he did. you breathed, "yes.. yes, i want to. please?"
and holy shit, that was all he needed to hear. jeno's lips descend upon yours with zealousness, one hand cradling the back of your neck to draw you nearer while the other deftly pops open the buttons of his jeans and tugs the zipper downward. he shoves both the denim and his boxers down his hips impetuously. his throbbing length bounds free from the confines of fabric, slapping his abdomen as he yanks his shirt over his head, tossing it somewhere onto the floor.
his eyes never leave yours as he strokes himself once, then twice, lining himself up to your opening before slowly pushing the mushroomy head inside. your walls immediately clench around him at the intrusion, eliciting a choked-off, squeaky gasp from you. he groans raggedly, one hand on your thigh to spread you wider for him as the other rests adjacent to your head on the sheets to keep him upright. in one more brisk movement, he's fully sheathed inside of you, his hold on your thigh tightening as he lets both of you adjust to the sensation.
"fuck, you're tight, baby—oh my god. gonna make me cum..." he mewled into your ear.
jeno babbled filthy praises and whimpers of pleasure continuously, beginning to rock into you slowly. his thrusts gradually began to accelerate, alongside his rants, which were becoming more frequent and lewd. however, you couldn't find any awareness in you (besides the extreme feelings of pleasure) to reply, so you laid there, twitching and trembling while your whines and moans resounded in the air. every drag of his cock inside your narrow, gummy walls sent shocks of ecstasy up your spine, creating a beautiful arch of your back.
he was so graciously endowed in the dick department that you could feel the tip of his cock brush against your cervix every other thrust, despite the fact that he wasn't going as deep as he could.
his hand slid up your spine to tangle in your strands, tugging on them gently to tilt your head back, baring the skin of your neck to him. he left a few hickeys in his wake as he spoke, "this pussy was made for me, baby, i swear... i can feel it in how well you fucking take me. no other man fit this well inside you, and i know it. say you know it, too."
you gabbled out an embarrassingly unintelligible response, too lost in ecstasy to even form any coherent words. he chuckled at this, his plunges into you becoming deeper, hitting your cervix more distinctly now.
"can't talk? feels too good?" the jerk had the audacity to fuck you stupid like this and then mock you for sounding like you've never spoken in your life. and of course, his thrusts only deepened as his hand reached down to toy with your clit.
"well, you're gonna have to speak if you want to come. so say—fuck—that you're mine. that this perfect pussy... every inch of it and of you, is mine and will never be anyone else's. and god, i'll give you anything and everything you want, i swear.."
you cried, "yours, jeno, f-fuck! all yours, please, yours.. w-wanna come, please, please..."
he pounds more relentlessly into you, losing himself to the tight wetness around him as his mouth devours yours. his thumb on your clit presses faster circles, propelling you to your peak. it was clear that you were both on the verge of orgasm, apparent with all the noises of bliss filling the room.
"j-jeno, i'm coming! i'm—"
in no longer than a few more seconds, a second orgasm crashes into you, your hands wrapping around his neck and pulling your chest to his as you moan and wail into his ear. jeno's hips slam into yours a few more times before he buries himself right to the hilt, crushing you against him as he groans deeply, letting his white, hot release pipe into you.
and then he melts completely. any trace of the slightly mocking, dominant, and harsh demeanor he used with you during sex dissipates immediately. you feel his warm lips brush against your cheeks, neck, forehead (where he lingers for a moment.) your eyes are fluttered shut, limbs boneless and bordering on numb from the intense experience.
"you did really well for me, gorgeous. so, so good... all for me."
a few minutes pass like that, - arms and legs entangled with one another, lazy kisses and sweet words of affirmation. finally, he sits up slightly, tucking a couple sweaty strands of your hair sticking to your forehead back into place before softly murmuring, "did you mean what you said? that you'll be mine?"
your eyes flitted open, irises still hazy from the aftermath and swirling with something riskily close to love as you stare at him and nod.
"of course i meant that. i've liked you for a while now, i just never said anything because... well, i didn't know the extent of how you felt. i thought you viewed me as a friend, and i didn't wanna ruin that with you."
jeno lets out a self-deprecating laugh, shaking his head as he mutters, "and to think that this entire time i hid it from you because i thought the same exact thing. just a pair of dumbasses, both of us."
you both burst out into laughter, hugging each other tighter as he plants a few more kisses on the blue-purplish marks he left on your skin, mapping them like twinkling stars in the sky. he pecks his way up to your ear, which is when he whispers to you:
"i'll take you on a proper date soon. and then we can do this again for the rest of our lives."
you giggle softly, running a hand through his hair.
"possessive, are we?"
he doesn't look amused.
"okay, okay, god! fine, we'll date. loser."
he laughs and scoops you up from the bed, still planting kisses all over your face as he carries you to the shower, kicking the door open.
summary: A letter reaches Linnea, which prompts her to pack some things and go on an adventue of her own. However, the boys don´t enjoy her rash decision and bring her back, resuting in her explaining a few things and introducing some of her best friends.
warnings: mentions and descriptions of sexual assault/ sexual abuse/ sexual violence, description of traumatic experiences, implications of rape (if you are sensitive to these topics, I advise you to skip the part)
wordcount: ~9k
author's note: I´m not feeling well mentally. But I felt guilty about not posting. So here is this chapter without me proofreading it. I´m sorry if I missed any warnings and for any spelling errors. Supporting me by commenting, liking, and reblogging is appreciated
Disclaimer: anything mentioned in the context of the warnings is a serious topic. If anyone has experienced similar things, I am so sorry for you, and I hope you are getting the help or have gotten the help you needed. In case anyone is thinking “god there is so much unnecessary trauma in this story” please keep in mind that this is supposed to be a dystopian universe in which lots of bad things happen to a lot of people. Linnea having so many tragic stories to tell, is just highlighting this fact. Of course the topics are to be taken seriously in any case.
taglist: @multifandomania, @blxberry01
previous ☾ masterlist ☾ next
“You are up early”, Linnea notes the moment she enters the kitchen and dining area of the house complex they live in.
“You are up early, too”, Jeno says, not turning around while handling a pot full of cooked rice.
The girl walks up to him to see what he is doing. “Couldn’t sleep much?” she asks, innocently. There is no play of words. At least not intentionally. Jeno perks up anyway and side-eyes her shortly.
“Are you making fun of me?” he asks, teasing her lightly. Her immediate reaction of denial makes him chuckle.
“What? No,” she immediately defends, almost feeling the heat creep up her neck. “Look, yesterday was hella awkward, but it’s seriously not that big of a deal, okay?”
“Oh, please don’t mention it. The memories are too fresh. I can’t even look you in the eyes,” he jokes, half-saying the truth, though. He is really giving his all to stay focused on the task.
Linnea´s fist gently bumps into his upper arm. “Stop saying such shit. It’s really not that big of a deal. I guess for the common guy, that’s even something that has to happen.” She leans into the counter after saying that and looks into the room, crossing her arms. “I swear if you guys start treating me differently because of this, I will scold all of you.”
The pout in her tone tears another chuckle from him. When he is done with the rice, he dries his hands and turns his body, mimicking her stance near the counter. “Don’t worry about it. Everything will be fine.” His hand comes up to pat her head before he can stop himself. He worries it might put off the girl, but she stays calm and quiet.
“Wanna help with breakfast?” he eventually asks.
The short question makes Linnea look at him. “Since when do you cook?”
“What´s that supposed to mean? You think I can´t cook?” Jeno asks in mock offense and looks at her with big eyes, questioning her.
“Have you ever proved you can?” she challenges, looking at him, too.
“Okay. I will show you that I can cook. Just because I don´t do it often doesn´t mean I´m bad at it,” he says and turns around again. Since the rice is already done, he thinks of things to add to it, as main and side dishes.
“Do you still want me to help?” the girl asks, amused by the sudden determination to prove her wrong.
The boy pauses for a second and thinks it over. “If I tell you what to do, it still counts as my way of cooking, right?” He looks at her for an answer, and when he sees her nod, he smiles. “Then, sure. Help me make breakfast.”
With a chuckle, Linnea turns to face the counter and asks, “Alright. What do you want me to do, chef?”
Her evident smirk while she teasingly calls him that doesn´t go past him. But he chooses to ignore it, and instead tells her the first steps to help him, by cutting up some vegetables. The overall cooking process to make breakfast for the whole group of boys goes by fairly fast after that. The duo communicates a lot. Jeno´s instructions on how to do things are clear and easy to understand, which results in Linnea following them efficiently.
Eventually, she has to get something from one of the upper shelves, so she takes a chair and climbs on it for better reach. The girl rummages through the cabinet, wondering where this mysterious gadget is that Jeno is looking for. She even stands on her tiptoes to try to see into it even better. But much to her dismay, she loses her balance and slips.
The sudden shriek that leaves her mouth while she tries to save herself in a last effort doesn´t go past the boy busy at the stove. He reacts fast and moves to catch her before she can even get close to the floor, and before Linnea knows it, she´s held by strong arms.
Recovering from the shock, the girl opens her eyes—the ones she closed out of reflex—and looks at her savior, who returns her gaze with big eyes. “Weren´t you supposed to get something, and not climb into the shelf?” he jokes, clearly downplaying his own surprise about the fall.
The girl, however, blinks a few times to steady herself. She realizes her position and can´t help but feel the heat rush to her cheeks and neck. Looking away, she simply scoffs and says in a pout, “Not my fault the shelf is up so damn high.”
Thinking that she looks absolutely adorable, he lets her down slowly and climbs the chair himself to look for whatever he wanted in the first place. Linnea watches him, still dealing with the aftermath of this almost accident, and can´t believe how quickly he finds it. “This has to be a joke. Why do you find it so easily, while I struggle so much?”
Jeno shrugs as his feet touch the ground again and gets back to work. “I don´t know. Maybe because I have been in this kitchen before, while you haven´t? Naturally, I know where things are a bit better than you do, don´t you think?”
“Hmph, maybe,” she admits and crosses her arms. And while Jeno simply gets back to work, the girl keeps watching from the sidelines for a few minutes, looking at his silhouette, as he cuts a few more ingredients to the right size, tosses them into a pot, and makes use of the stupid gadget.
There is something really domestic about this whole situation. It feels oddly normal, and she thinks, this could become a daily thing if it were for her. But then she gets reminded about the fact that they are here temporarily and that they have a goal to achieve, which makes her sigh. But before she lets herself dwell on it more, she finally moves and gets back to her task of helping the guy cook.
༺.༻
Later that day, after addressing the elephant in the room and making sure there is nothing weird standing between the boys and Linnea, she´s happily dancing with her brother to some tune playing on the radio that Yuta brought outside. It´s finally a moment in which she can bond with Hyuck, carefree of any thoughts about the ongoing things. And even if the past days have been fairly light and easy, the threat of reality looms over them. They know they can´t stay here forever, so they are enjoying every free minute.
Hyuck swirls the girl around like a princess and keeps his steps light as he dances over the grassy floor. Linnea is laughing at his playful antics, unable to keep the happiness from shining through. Near them, Jaemin stands with the camera in hand, snapping pictures of the siblings to keep the memory stored. On his face, a smile graces his features. There is nothing more beautiful to him than the love of people.
While Jaemin is busy capturing the moment, Renjun and Jeno are sitting on a log near the fire pit. They´ve been talking for a while, but now it´s quiet between them. They are too focused on the pair dancing a little further away. It brings a smile to Renjun´s face as well, seeing his friend enjoy the time with his long-lost sister. He wouldn´t ever tell Hyuck that, but it´s evident by his soft expression. Jeno, while also happy for his friend and the girl, can´t help but feel this pit deep in his stomach. There is just something about seeing her laugh like this and not being the reason for it. He knows the thought is pathetic, but he can´t help it.
“What´s that face you´re making?” Chenle´s voice suddenly rings in the black-haired boy’s ears, causing his head to snap around to face him.
“What do you mean?” he asks, innocently and unaware of the suspicions from the younger.
“You know what I mean. You look like three days of constant rain, even though the weather´s been nice,” Chenle retorts and sits down next to his Hyung.
Taking a short break from twirling around in circles, Donghyuck hears bits and pieces of their conversation while grabbing something to drink. He decides to stay quiet for now, however, unsure of what to think just yet. He´s noticed the way his friend has been acting around his sister, and given the stark contrast to the time of her first few weeks with them, he´s sure something is up.
“I don´t look like three days of rain. I look perfectly normal,” Jeno protests, uncharacteristically defensive about the harmless statement.
“Hmm, sure,” Chenle´s voice drips with sarcasm. “Perhaps I will name it jealousy then.”
“Jealousy? And who am I jealous of?” The vice leader rolls his eyes, trying to ignore the growing intensity in his stomach.
Before Chenle can say more, Renjun taps his arm to divert his attention. “Stop teasing him. You will only get on his nerves to the point he will teach you a lesson.”
At that, the younger Chinese boy shudders slightly. There has only been one instance where Jeno had felt the need to teach him a lesson. And he remembers never wanting another, so he bites his lip and actually shuts up.
Jaemin side-eyes the boys having the conversation. He knows what Chenle is hinting at, and he is actually proud of his best friend for staying fairly composed. But he also noticed Hyuck´s suspicious look at them. He can´t help but gulp, hoping there won´t be a fight about a certain topic.
When Donghyuck returns to Linnea, he doesn´t show any signs of the tension that has built inside of him. He, however, knows that he will have to ask Jeno about this later. His intuition is telling him too much to let it slide.
༺.༻
“Jeno, can I talk to you?” The lack of honorifics tells the captain that whatever Hyuck wants to talk about is serious. He looks around shortly, then gets up and nods. The younger boy doesn´t say more and instead just leads the way.
Done with the fun dancing and Linnea needing a snack break, Hyuck is free to finally calm his intuition. He needs to know what´s going on. And he won´t back down until he has all the details. He doesn´t care if it´s Jeno he is talking to. In this conversation, age and honorifics don´t matter.
When they reach a place that´s hidden from the view of the others, and with no chance for anyone to eavesdrop, Donghyuck comes to a sudden stand, turning around to face the black-haired boy.
Jeno stops in his tracks as well and looks expectantly at him, waiting for him to speak his mind. He can already guess what he wants to talk about.
“So what´s it with you these days?” he gets straight to the point, face all serious and kind of threatening even. “And don´t try to tell me nothing is up. I´m not stupid, Jeno.”
“What do you want to hear, Hyuck? Everything is fine,” Jeno dismisses at first. Unless the boy directly asks him, he won´t just willingly spill his feelings to him.
The scoff from the brown-haired boy is loud and disbelieving. He rolls his eyes in annoyance before recollecting himself to not burst with anger. “Don´t fuck with me. You know what you´ve been pulling is weird and contradictory.”
“What exactly have I been pulling, huh? Stop beating around the bush and straight up tell me what you want from me,” the captain retorts, getting annoyed himself because he´s not in the mood for these games.
“You´ve been acting like the biggest dick on earth when my sister first joined. Then it seems like y´all are getting along, but suddenly you treat her like shit again, just for her to wake up from that stupid coma, and everything is fine again? Make it make sense, Lee Jeno,” the boy explodes in a collected but cold tone.
Jeno keeps quiet when he finally reveals the topic of this conversation. He already knew what his friend was hinting at, but that´s besides the point. If he wants answers, he´s better ask properly.
“What´s your deal with her? What´s with the contradictory act? Make up your damn mind. I´m not in the mood for you to switch up on her again,” Hyuck spits, his protective side clearly coming out.
Listening to his rant, Jeno can´t help but chuckle in disbelief. The sound makes the boy opposite him clench his fists in annoyance. “Calm down. I won´t. No need to get all defensive in her stead,” he says bluntly before facing him again.
Donghyuck eyes him for a few seconds. He doesn´t like the nonchalance in his tone at all, but clearly, there is a message. In a long pause in which both just stare at each other with serious expressions, the sun starts to lower in the sky, indicating the start of sunset.
It´s with a sudden exhale to calm himself down, when something clicks in his brain. And then he asks, “Do you have feelings for my sister?”
With the cat out of the bag, Jeno´s shoulders relax a little. He sighs, averting his gaze for a bit, then speaks. “Yes.” There is another pause. Hyuck takes in the simple word before Jeno speaks again,” You going to try and kill me now?” That´s when he finally faces him again and is met with an unreadable expression.
It takes a few moments for Donghyuck to fully grasp that he so easily admitted to it. It kind of pisses him off, but at the same time, he´s glad he doesn´t have to fight the answer out of him. Still, the tension that forms in his body isn´t pleasant. On one side, he hates the fact that one of his friends started to see his sister like this. On the other side, he can totally understand why anyone would fall for the girl. He knows she´s amazing, and he´s honestly surprised there aren´t more in the group—even though he secretly thinks Jisung has a crush on her, too. But he´s so young and clueless, it doesn´t count.
The boy takes a few steps forward until he´s face-to-face with the vice leader. He looks him in the eyes, trying to find any malicious intent. He knows Jeno wouldn´t ever do anything bad intentionally. He´s still his friend after all. But then again, it´s his sister they are talking about. And he doesn´t know if he´s in the mood to compete with another man when it comes to her attention.
“Look, if you´re worried that I will be dismissive towards her again, you don´t need to be. I was in denial about these feelings. That´s the only reason why I started distancing myself. Now that I´ve come to terms with it, I will just accept whatever she gives. So you won´t need to fear that I will try anything weird, either. We both know I´m not like that,” Jeno says calmly, very much seeing the conflict in his friend’s eyes.
“Since when?” The question takes him off guard, but the seriousness in Hyuck´s voice makes him answer properly.
“I can´t tell you an exact date. It´s probably been a few weeks already, though.” The words are simple, yet somewhat satisfying.
Suddenly, the brown-haired´s hands clench the collar of Jeno´s t-shirt. “If she reciprocates… and you hurt her feelings…be sure to know I´m the first one you will have to deal with,” he threatens.
Giving him a reassuring grin, the captain grabs his wrists and answers,” If she doesn´t rip me to shreds first, I will personally turn up on your doorstep so you can deal with me.”
With that, Hyuck releases the boy and pushes him backwards slightly. There is nothing more to deal with for him. At least for now. Jeno understands the seriousness behind his threat and the intent of this conversation. Having settled the topic, there is nothing more he has to say to him. So with mutual respect for the other, both boys start to retreat to the others.
༺.༻
While the boys have their personal conversation, the girl sits busy with a glass of water in hand on one of the benches in front of the main house of the complex. She´s in her thoughts, totally oblivious to what´s going on between her brother and his friend when, suddenly, a raven sits down next to her. At first, she doesn´t pay it any mind, but when it persistently tries to get her attention, she finally looks at it.
To her surprise, the animal is carrying an envelope in its beak. A weird sight for sure, but then she´s reminded of what kind of world she lives in, and so she stops questioning the universe. Holding out her hand in curiosity, she waits for the bird to react. Seeing how it places the envelope in it and then seemingly bows to her before jumping off the bench to fly away, she stays frozen for a few seconds, totally confused by the behavior.
Only when she no longer sees it does she look at the piece of paper. It´s plain, worn at the edges, and a bit dusty. But when she sees the handwriting that spells her name neatly, a sense of familiarity floods through her.
Slowly, she opens it, taking out the folded paper that´s inside. She unfolds it carefully, takes in the handwriting, and a smile forms on her lips as she´s met with a surge of nostalgia and memories. Warmth creeps up her spine as she reminisces about the good times while simultaneously pushing away anything bad that could spoil them.
Once the names read in her mind, Linnea can´t help but chuckle. The back of her palm moves to brush over her cheek, and with it she brushes away some wetness. She didn´t realize she teared up while reading the letter from her friends. But with all the emotions it unlocked, she can´t help it.
She thinks about the words her friends chose, and that´s when she notices something. Dawn. That name sounds familiar. Suddenly, determination overcomes her. Her feet are moving before the idea fully settles inside her mind. It´s not that far from here. If she moves efficiently, she might get there within a few days.
The glass of water she´s been drinking earlier rests long forgotten on the bench as the girl starts to move in accordance to a plan already set inside her mind. As she starts gathering useful things, the sun sinks deeper in the sky. Its orange hue starts to embrace the surroundings while playful chatter fills the air in the distance.
༺.༻
“Oi, so what did you two talk about?” Chenle asks, a teasing grin already on his lips as he watches the two boys return from their little private talk.
“None of your business,” Donghyuck retorts, making Jeno chuckle. He didn´t expect him to answer like that. Instead, he thought he might just blurt out to everyone what he revealed to him a few minutes ago.
Hearing the response, Jaemin smiles, knowing his worries were for nothing. After all, his friends are mature enough to talk like proper adults.
Renjun watches them as they sit down close to them. The radio is still playing some random song in the background when he observes them for any signs of a fight. To his relief, he only finds the smallest smile on Jeno´s face while Hyuck feigns nonchalance.
“Damn, not Chenle-Hyng getting shut down like that,” Jisung, who´s joined them while the other two were away, says, trying not to laugh out of fear the Chinese boy may make him his next target.
“Shut it, Ji,” the boy curses, but laughs a few seconds later, amused by the absurdity of the situation. “Alright, when´s dinner ready? I´m hungry,” he then deflects, changing the topic completely.
“On it,” Doyoung´s voice suddenly rings inside his mind. Perplexed, Chenle looks around just to spot Johnny waving at him with a knowing smile and pointing inside with his index finger the next second.
“Doyoung-Hyung´s telepathy is something when you´re not used to it, right?” Mark chuckles. The leader is carrying some drinks in his hands when he arrives at the place where everyone else is sitting.
“If dinner is ready soon and we’re eating outside, I will go and get the others,” Jaemin says. This way, he can put away the camera, too, so it won´t get damaged. The others nod at his volunteering, and quickly, the boy is up and about, collecting the other guys.
Minutes later, when everyone has gathered near the fire that has yet to be lit, and most dishes are somewhere around the logs wherever they found space to stay, the chatter is as loud as one can expect with roughly 20 people around. The atmosphere is as alive as ever; it takes far too long for one of them to realize someone is missing.
“Where did Lini go?” Ten asks once he notices her absence.
“Huh? I thought she went to you guys when we stopped dancing,” Hyuck answers, confused by the older guy´s question.
“She got a glass of water earlier. But that´s the last time I saw her,” Doyoung remembers, not looking up from his task of cutting up a roll of Bibimbap.
“Where is she then?” Renjun asks, his tone more serious now. Given how the past few weeks have been going, the girl missing once again can´t mean anything good.
The boys all look at each other, puzzled looks meeting question marks above their heads. Then Taeyong breaks the growing panicked silence. “I saw her grab a backpack earlier and head out. I thought you knew she was on her way to go on a longer walk.”
Hearing his words, the younger boys in the group suddenly jump up from their spots on the logs. All of them know the girl once again has something stupid in mind. Or at least they assume that, given their history of experiences.
“This girl. I swear, if she does something dumb again, I will chain her to something,” Donghyuck curses. The others don´t waste anytime. They quickly decide to stray in all directions in hopes of finding her. After all, it can´t have been long since she left.
While most of them are on their way by foot, Jeno didn´t hesitate to run to his all beloved Mazda. It takes too long to go by foot, and given the main road nearby, he has a good chance of seeing her if she chose a smart and easy-to-follow route to wherever she was planning on going.
Hitting the gas, he quickly speeds over the grass up to the dust road that leads them to the hideout, a few days ago. Deciding on a hunch that there is no way she would wanna go their way back to Dusk, he decides to go in the other direction.
His heart is racing, and he is gripping the steering wheel with more force than necessary while his eyes are trained on the road. He has to find her. Who knows if something will happen. To him, she somewhat resembles a magnet for trouble. And he can´t have that. Not after the situation with Riki, and it only having been less than two weeks since that happened.
The speedometer is showing that he´s almost going 100 km/h when he sees a figure near the side of the road. Quickly realizing that it´s in fact Linnea, he wonders how the girl has managed to come this far in such a short time. Seeing the speed she´s walking at, he senses something urgent is leading her to her destination, even though he has no idea what that destination is.
When he finally catches up to her, he hits the brakes, coming to a slow besides her. His window is down instantly. “What the hell are you doing?” he questions, kind of out of breath.
The girl doesn´t even glance at him and simply keeps her pace while walking straight ahead. Something feels off, and Jeno definitely hates how she is ignoring him all of a sudden.
With an annoyed hiss, he looks at her with a stern expression. “Get in. Now.” He demands, voice not leaving any room for protest. This catches her attention as she finally faces him, a determined look on her face.
“No. Leave me alone.” Her voice isn´t sharp, and she certainly doesn´t mean her protest in a mean way. But she can´t stop. She has to keep going.
Jeno´s jaw tenses. His knuckles turn a little whiter as he grips the steering wheel hard. Annoyed by her resistance, he steps on the gas just to brake a few meters ahead of her. The engine dies a second later, and then he steps out of the vehicle to face her.
When the girl reaches him and wants to go around him, choosing to ignore him once more, he steps in front of her, blocking her way. Frustrated, she looks at him with an annoyed expression. “What do you want?”
Feeling his own annoyance bubble up inside of him, he groans before grabbing her shoulders. “Look, I don´t know where you want to go at this hour all of a sudden. I´m not here to stop you on your little adventure,” he starts, voice turning a bit softer while he speaks.
His words have her confused, and she raises an eyebrow at his statement, seemingly questioning why he´s stopping her then.
“What I know is that you sure as hell aren´t going alone. Why don´t you speak to us when you have something in mind? We are friends, are we not? You can trust us. If you have any reason to go wherever, just tell us, and we will make a plan to get there as fast as possible together,” Jeno elaborates. And while he talks, he can feel the tension drop from her shoulders.
Linnea sighs, realizing that he is right and that she totally went on impulse here. She kind of wants to facepalm herself. “Right, you are definitely not wrong. I just-”
“Hey, it´s okay. You don´t have to explain anything now. Just let me take you back so we can discuss this and plan properly. No one´s gonna say no if you have a destination in mind,” he stops her and nods to the car that’s waiting behind him.
Relenting, the girl nods and starts to move towards the car, a little defeated. Once inside and comfortably sitting on the passenger seat, she stares out of the window as the boy turns the vehicle around and speeds back to the hideout. The wind that sweeps in through the open window gives Linnea a sense of relaxation as she watches the sunset glow.
༺.༻
(triggering memories ahead)
In a matter of minutes, Jeno is parking the Mazda in the same spot as before he took it to speed off. He gets out of the car and opens the door for the girl. With her backpack slung over her shoulder, she starts walking towards the fire pit where everyone else is gathered. While doing so, she doesn´t really look up, too embarrassed to face any of them.
“Byul!” Donghyuck´s voice rings through to her the moment she comes into view and earshot of the group of guys. The boy is on his feet, immediately walking over to her to examine her. “Where were you?! What were you thinking?!”
“Hyuck, calm down,” Mark interrupts, watching as the girl looks to the side with a face full of shame and awareness of disappointing them. She is playing with her fingers while actively avoiding eye contact because she knows she can´t handle it.
“Everything is fine. She was just walking along the road,” Jeno explains as well, feeling the tension rise even though he knows there is no need for that. He sits down on one of the logs after o not escalating anything with his friend.
Hyuck exhales heavily. It takes a lot of energy for him to stay calm and not freak out any further. He knows the others were as anxious as he was, but now, they are just holding back. “At least tell me why you suddenly thought going away on your own was a good thing,” he says, voice a lot softer now. “And look at me. Please.”
Swallowing hard, the girl finally looks up and into his eyes. She recognizes the worry and fear immediately, so with a shaky voice, she starts, ”Look, I´m sorry. I know I should have said something, but my brain wasn´t thinking. I just went ahead on my own. I´m sorry for giving everyone a scare.” With that, she also looks at the others apologetically.
“It´s okay. Just never ever do that again,” Renjun speaks, clearly trying not to scold her for her reckless actions. He already had a deja vu because of her sudden disappearance.
“Lini, what made you spring into such actions? Usually, you aren´t that careless,” Kun jumps in, also a little worried because he knows it must be something serious.
Swallowing another time, Linnea grabs her backpack and opens it. Then she takes out the letter. Hyuck´s eyes follow the piece of paper as she gives it to Kun without any words.
The leader opens it and starts reading the words. Ten, all too curious, looks over his shoulder to do the same while the others look between Linnea and Kun, waiting for the revelation to calm their own curiosity.
Once the blue-haired boy is done reading, a warm smile shows on his face. “I see. Now I understand.”
“Stop talking in riddles. What´s the deal?” Chenle interrupts, too nosy to wait any longer.
“This is a letter from Linnea´s friends,” he says, looking back at the girl. “Do you want to talk about it yourself?” he then directs the question at her.
“I thought you guys are her friends,” Mark wonders aloud, obviously confused.
“My girl friends,” Linnea says and finally takes a seat with her brother, as she knows she might be in for a little story time.
“Ah, is this about the girls from the second camp you were in?” Jaemin asks, already guessing he´s right. When the girl nods in confirmation, a light bulb starts glowing over some of the others´ heads.
“What does one thing have to do with the other, though?” Jisung ends up asking after the information has settled in for everyone.
“They are in Dawn. And as we found out, that´s not so far away from here. Linnea probably only thought about that, and then her body started moving on its own,” Ten explains, knowing the girl well enough to understand how her mind works.
Linnea eagerly nods at that. “I miss them quite a lot. And since I haven´t seen them for so long, I really just wanted to go and do exactly that.”
“Well, very rash decision to go on your own,” Renjun starts, lowkey shading her for the stupid decision to go alone.
“Hyung, I already told her that she could´ve just told us, and we would have made up a plan to go together,” Jeno interrupts before the Chinese boy can continue.
“Alright, alright. We´ve settled this somewhat, but I still don´t fully understand how you are suddenly so rash with the decision to go there. You didn´t have that kind of urge to find Kun-Hyng and the others when you first stranded with us,” Donghyuck then suddenly bursts. He´s still full of emotions from the anxiety earlier, and he doesn´t fully understand just why she reacted the way she did just yet.
Mark hits the boy´s arm in protest and looks at him with a dissatisfied expression. He did not like the way his friend just said this.
Linnea, on the other hand, just sighs. She looks at the dirty floor before looking back at the piece of paper that Kun is folding neatly into its original shape. “Yeah, you are right. I think I need to explain why these girls mean so much to me. Given that Kun and the others are like family to me.”
“Linnea,” The full use of her name is a rare thing coming from Kun, “You don´t need to explain the details, okay? It´s fine if you just stick with the relevant information.” To the leader, it is important that she knows this, given that he knows what she went through in the second camp.
The girl nods in understanding, and Hyuck is about to protest again when Mark stops him with a head shake. “Your sister or not, it´s up to her how much she tells us,” he scolds, making the boy back up.
“Okay, so, my 3 best friends were already at the camp when I first got captured. At first, they were a bit wary of me because of my level, but we quickly became friends,” she starts explaining, thinking back on how the girls first kept their distance from her before Talia eventually approached her.
“For context, this camp wasn´t like any of the others. This was a special research lab. I don´t know the details, but there were mostly girls in there. It was small, and the routine was different from the other one,” she continues, the smile fading from her lips.
The boys, all aware of how camp was for them, take a few seconds to throw this image of camp out the window.
“In my first camp, I was kept in isolation. In the second, I had a room to myself but had to do certain tasks each day. The workers there used us for household chores like washing laundry, cleaning, and so on. Nothing bad per se, like I learned a lot of stuff there. Not having to fight for the sake of training and becoming a weapon was a great change of scenery,” Linnea goes on. “The four of us became friends through these shared activities, next to the meetings we had in our little free time.”
“Where is the but?” Renjun asks carefully. He knows the tone in which she is speaking. This sounds too good to be the whole story. And knowing that Kun and Ten mentioned having broken them out of that prison, there is no way it was just a facility robbing girls of their freedom.
Linnea chuckles, even though her shoulders slightly jerk at the question. She´s not looking at anyone when she continues speaking. “Well, there was a reason why they kept mostly girls. The guards there…were horrible. Lonely men, watching young girls do domestic things.”
The mention of horrible guards and men watching young women already has a pit form in some of the boys´stomach. There is a dark assumption growing in them, but they don´t want to face it yet.
“At first, I only witnessed how some of them would touch other girls inappropriately while we did our daily chores. But then, one of them felt the need to touch Kida, too. Talli didn´t like that one bit, so she used her ability to punish the man. But that only escalated things.” There is a heavy pause before she keeps speaking. “You know, Kida is the youngest in our group. So Talli is naturally more protective of her. And because she went out of line, they had to make sure she didn´t step over the boundaries again.”
Marks, Johnny´s, and Jaehyun´s eyebrows raise at the implication. They don´t know what exactly to expect next, so they keep listening.
“I only found her crying that same night. She looked…horrible. Her clothes were torn up…and she had bruises everywhere. I don´t know what exactly happened, but it was very obvious to me. It made me so angry, but she stopped me from doing anything.”
With the very obvious hint at what went down, the boys can´t help but tense up. Some of their knuckles turn white as they grab onto the log, while some of the others´jaws are tensing up. No one is smiling anymore as the topic turns very serious.
“After that, things went downhill. The guards became a lot more aggressive. They would touch us…make us wear shorter clothes…watch us intently. Everything felt so disgusting to do because no matter what we did, someone´s eyes were on us.” There is a heavy inhale on the girl´s part before she keeps going.
“It came to a point where Noah and Kida also had their bad experiences with the guard…” Feeling the heavy pit in her stomach, Linnea swallows as it becomes harder for her to talk about these things.
There is a pause, and she´s playing with her fingers again, obviously trying to calm her nerves. “They didn´t look as bad as Talli that night. But still…it was obvious how traumatized they were. I mean, there was no way for us to escape. We had to guess when the next time comes where they would do something.”
Knowing the story, Kun and Ten keep an eye on her, closely watching her body language to intervene if necessary.
“Until that point, I was still lucky…I had a reputation because they had a hard time capturing me. But some newer guard was very bold. He felt the need to prove a point to the others……So a few weeks after he got stationed there, he started looming. I…could feel his weak presence close by.”
Pausing again, her arms start to sneak around her stomach in an attempt to soothe herself. It doesn´t go unnoticed by any of them, especially Hyuck, Jeno, and Jaemin.
“Then, one evening, I…finally learned…how it feels to lose all dignity…He-” Her voice breaks when she starts the sentence. Her vision is getting a little blurry as well, but she really doesn´t want to give the memory the satisfaction of shaking her up like that, so she blinks it away.
“He made me strip… and then he wanted me to clean his office…There wasn´t much I could do, so I just…did exactly that. It felt so humiliating and disgusting t-the whole time he kept watching me….” Feeling a slight shaking in her limbs, she grabs her t-shirt a bit harder to try and ground herself. “Eventually, h-he started touching himself…and then watching wasn´t enough anymore…”
Getting sucked into revisiting the memory, she stops talking unintentionally and just stares ahead into the flame that´s been burning in the fire pit since dinner started.
Sensing what´s going on, Kun nudges Ten´s side, and a second later, the mind manipulator activates his ability to guide Linnea out of that memory.
There isn´t anything else she needs to say. Regardless of what actually happened, they can all safely assume that this guy did something to her.
Only imagining some random guy exploiting his power and assaulting her makes Hyuck´s blood boil. He has a very hard time just staying seated because the urge to rise to his feet and look for this guy just so he can kill him in the most cruel and painful way possible grows inside him very rapidly.
Her brother isn´t the only one who´s ready to end someone´s life, because Jeno, while obviously not having any special position in her life, feels the knawing urge for revenge as well. His affection for her makes these feelings ten times stronger. And with the anger that´s slowly gathering, the log may need to fear for its life.
Even Jaemin has a hard time just swallowing the words and letting them sink in. He feels for his friend and her friends, condemning any human being who took part in such a disgusting project, all under the name of research. His face is an obvious sign of it as he looks as serious as ever.
Finally snapping out of the memory itself, Linnea comes back to her senses and lets her eyes fly over the crowd of boys surrounding the fire before she quickly looks back to the floor. She feels a bit cold all of a sudden, but ignores the feeling. “Fact is, we bonded over our experiences in there. No one understands us the way we do each other. That´s why they are very dear to me. We tried to protect and console each other while enduring similar fates.”
“And then Ten-Hyung and the others came, infiltrated, and broke you out,” Jisung mumbles, putting all the pieces together.
“Exactly,” said boy confirms, still monitoring his friend´s mind so she wouldn´t slip back into the abyss of those memories. He knows that right now, she definitely wants to avoid any type of touch, so he also refrains from getting up to comfort her just yet.
“What happened to the guards?” Chenle carefully asks, hoping he´s not insensitive.
Linnea looks up at him, eyes still distant and too calm for what she´s saying next.
“I killed some.” The words sit in the air. There is no flourish, no apology. Just the truth.
The fire crackles, and the boys stay quiet as they take them in.
Ten doesn´t shy away from the blatant truth. He simply adds, “And I took care of the rest of them,” his tone staying neutral.
It´s not pride. But with how many things they´ve experienced, it´s just nothing special anymore, either.
“You really say this as if it´s some achievement,” Hendery mutters, voice low, not angry, just disturbed.
Ten doesn´t argue, and Linnea´s gaze drops again. For a moment, she looks smaller. “It´s not like we had a choice,” she says, as if to remind herself.
The words hang heavy. Final. The implication strong.
༺.༻
The heavy atmosphere from the things Linnea has told them still lingers in the air as the boys slowly regain the courage to talk. Even the Hyungs are speechless and don´t really feel like they have the right to say anything about it. They just silently deal with their thoughts, not wanting to overstep boundaries.
It´s clear to everyone that they definitely have a reason to move to Dawn next. Linnea´s friends reside in that city, and it´s also in the direction they expect Eden to be. So going there is the obvious move.
Taeyong returns with the map in his hands from a short kitchen break. He sits down next to Mark to discuss a few things with him before he finally speaks up. “Given the situation and the indirect invitation of Linnea´s friends, it´s decided that the Dreamies will continue towards Dawn. Now, since Dawn is no small town and has its own system of hierarchy, I will have to call a friend of ours to confirm a few things so all of you have somewhere safe to stay.”
“Ooooh, are we calling our hidden contact?” Jungwoo asks, excited all of a sudden. He doesn´t know the boy as well as the others, and calls with him are a rare sight, so he always gets excited when they happen.
“You guys have a hidden contact, too?” Dejun asks, thinking about their own friend in Soul City.
“Yup. An old friend who decided to pursue his own way of living while supporting us from afar,” Jaehyun confirms and looks at Yuta, who brings the device they always use to contact the guy.
While Taeyong and Johnny get busy preparing their call, the others watch with curiosity. They don´t know what to expect. Except for Mark and Hyuck, none of the others, from the younger ones, know how the holographic device works. They´ve never seen it be used because they rarely stay at N-city.
When it´s finally ready and set up, Taeyong sits down again. He focuses on the hologram loading, then rings up his friend. There is silence as everyone watches the blue hue in the air. And then, after a few moments of quiet vibration from the machine, a figure finally appears.
“Hey, Hyung, what´s up?” A boy asks, sitting on an armchair in some seemingly fancy building.
Kun, Ten, Yang Yang, Hendery, Dejun, and Linnea all stop breathing for a second when they see him. They can´t believe their eyes when they see him and realize who he is.
“Hey, Win Win, I have a favor to ask,” Taeyong starts, but gets interrupted by Yang Yang, Hendery, and Dejun.
The three boys all yell in unison, as their disbelief is very evident to everyone else. “Sir Eagle, Win Win, Dong Sicheng?!”
The sudden voicing of the three names startles some of the boys who weren´t ready for the explosion of voices. The guy in the hologram chuckles as the depictions of the boys come into view on his part of the holographic call. “I see you´ve met each other.”
“Hold on, what does that mean?” Linnea questions now, stands up, and walks into view as well. “You mean to tell me you knew these guys all along?! I don´t understand.”
“Yeah, please elaborate on this,” Kun also adds. He´s as speechless as the rest. Because even though Sicheng is a very close friend to him, the fact that he never told him about knowing Taeyong feels a bit weird to him.
“I don´t get it either? Do you know Win Win Hyung?” Mark asks, a puzzled expression displayed on his face.
“Yes, we do. He´s been our provider ever since we found our hideout a while ago,” Ten explains.
“He´s the one I called when we were at that Lake house, and he´s the one who told me he would send us food to Dusk. That´s the only reason why we even ended up there. And now you mean to tell me, you guys knew him all along?!” Linnea´s voice gets louder at the end of her last sentence as the disbelief resurfaces.
“I mean, besides Mark Hyung and me, the others barely know him. It´s more that the Hyungs know him better than we do, and we happened to be here more often than the others,” Donghyuck explains. He has yet to fully grasp the fact that his sister knows the guy, too.
Linnea is about to ask more questions as they flood into her mind, but Sicheng finally speaks up to clarify a few things, ”Okay, calm down. I couldn´t tell either of you that I am helping you guys. It would have been too dangerous if an unwanted person found out. But I´m glad you guys found each other. I was secretly hoping this would eventually happen.”
“Did you lure us to Dusk specifically because you knew the hideout from the other guys was close by and we might stumble upon them?” Kun asks straight out.
Sicheng, however, shakes his head. “I chose Dusk because it was the closest spot nearby that worked out with a delivery. The fact that you guys chose to go North-west of all directions was a pure coincidence.”
“Well, we found a clue to Eden, so we had to consult with Taeyong-Hyung,” Mark says.
“Still crazy to think that of all groups Linnea found, it was you guys. Almost sounds like fate if you ask me,” Win Win says and chuckles as he leans back in his armchair.
“Did you know that Hyuck is my brother, too, by any chance?” Linnea asks a bit bluntly. In her mind, she questions what else her friend has been hiding from them.
The expression of the boy´s holographic image changes to one of surprise when he hears that. “He is what? I thought your brother died?”
“Well, we are both alive as you can see,” Hyuck butts in drily. He´s talked about his dead sister once before, when they had a call with the man residing in Soul City.
“That´s great to hear. I´m really happy for you guys… but that´s not why Taeyong-Hyung called me, right?” Sicheng asks, and while he´s happy about the news, he´s aware that the group needs him for something other than private updates.
“Exactly. Linnea´s friends have sent her a letter. And now we are planning our trip to Dawn,” Taeyong speaks again.
“Wah, Talia and the other two reached out to you? That´s great. Can´t believe they chose to go to Dawn, though. But yeah, if that´s your next destination, I will have to find somewhere safe for you to stay,” Win Win says. His figure moves as he starts to type something on a keyboard. Then he looks up somewhere unknown to all the boys and the girl watching him.
“He knows Lini´s friends, too?” Jisung asks Renjun and the others close to him.
“Well, of course. If he´s been a longtime friend of hers, it´s likely he helped break them out,” the older boy answers. With all the information that´s been revealed tonight, he put two and two together and guessed that when Kun and the others talked about how they got to know each other, he was also mentioning Win Win without actually naming him.
“Can you find a residence that will house all seven Dreamies and Kun´s group?” Taeyong asks.
“Are you not going with them?” Sicheng asks while still typing away on his computer.
“Someone has to stay and keep the hideout safe. If necessary, we will come, too, though,” Johnny says with a smile. He knows the others are capable enough to navigate through Dawn.
“Right, of course. Ten and Kun alone should be intimidating enough to keep any weirdos away,” the holographic image says while chuckling.
“What´s that supposed to mean?” Hendery asks, partly offended for his Hyungs.
“Have you forgotten how scary Ten Hyung´s lunatic stare is or how scary Kun Hyung can look when he´s mad?” With the question, Hendery is quiet again. He knows what his friend is talking about.
There is a short silence while Win Win looks through his data on his PC. His face flashes with the reflecting light here and there, and his eyes dart around while he scans the information he´s getting. Then, when he´s sure he´s found something good, he smiles and looks at his friends.
“I got something for you. The district should be one of the safer ones. So as long as you stay away from trouble, you will be tolerated. The residents in Dawn don´t really like new faces, so you might run into some people who are looking for fights. But as long as you stay mostly within your own group and don´t trust anyone too quickly, you should be fine,” he announces. “Oh, but before I forget it, don´t make yourselves an enemy of the big five. They have too much of a say in Dawn. So it´s best to stay away from them altogether.”
“Who are the big five?” Jaemin asks, a little confused. He can´t believe that Dawn is actually such a scary place to be wary of others that much.
“Let the girls explain all the lore about Dawn. They know more about it than I do. I only know surface-level things. But be warned. I will repeat myself: stay out of trouble,” Win Win says a little more seriously now. “I will send the route over to you. If you start in the early morning, you should arrive when night falls.”
“Thank you, Win Win.” Taeyong smiles at his friend. He knows he can always count on him when they need things like this.
“No need to thank me, Hyung. You know I will do everything in my power to support you guys,” the Chinese boy says and returns his smile.
The boys talk a little longer with Sicheng while they still have the chance. There is a lot to catch up on, so why not use the chance? Only late in the night do they actually end the call. The younger ones have left for bed earlier already, since they have a long trip ahead. But the older ones, including Kun and Ten, wait until the last moment to say goodbye.
The talk with their secret link was something they deemed necessary, especially given the fact that he knew the boys around Taeyong. There are lots of questions the two still have, but they will have to wait to ask them until they finally see Win Win in person again. A goal they will keep after finding Eden.
summary ⇢ letting go of one's first love have always been the hardest but you and Jeno promised to stay in touch. once a year, you meet at the place where he asked you to be his, catching up while reminiscing memories before you broke up. it never changed since then, until it slipped your mind this year.
pairing ⇢ jeno x reader
rating & word count ⇢ 18+ | 9.2k
genre ⇢ smut, angst, a bit of fluff, exes to lovers, first love!au
content/warnings ⇢ miscommunication, outdoor sex, marking (scratching, hickeys), begging, size kink, jealousy, rough-ish sex, dirty talk, fingering, name calling (slut), possessiveness, edging, lil spanking, commitment issues, they're both lowk toxic if you squint, aftercare, jeno's glove and his thing for thighs lol
author's note: i feel bad that i haven't participated nor contributed for any events each time my department hosts smh. i happened to come up with this idea around his birthday last year, thanks to @starxiaos accidentally sending me inspo for the plot lmao
event: eau de fleur
host: @k-vanity's fashion department
season: spring
flower: forget me nots
additional prompts: stargazing, nature date, picnic in the park (not really but)
Almost.
You were almost late at your meetup with Jeno. The stupid on your phone reminder did go through but you happened to be having your first deep sleep after so long—possibly in years.
Surely Jeno would understand. He himself loves sleep. Other than sports, it’s the only activity he prioritizes when he's home. In the past, he revealed that your nap dates are one of his favourite ways to hangout with you, while you were on the opposite, preferring to go out more and socialize. Eventually though, you warmed up to it but that's mostly because of how adorable Jeno looks while sleeping.
Not at the moment though. It’s the contrary.
The dim lighting from the nearby lamp post didn’t shroud his grim expression. From your view, his side profile looks sharper than the soft ones you've gotten used to. Instead of the anticipated looks from him whenever he sees you, he's looking straight ahead, at the mountains beyond, to maybe clear his head before you arrive. Occasionally, he glances but the closer you approach, the more you feel the heated glares he’d been throwing at your way, amplifying your nerves the closer you are to him.
"For a second, I thought you wouldn’t show up."
The accusation made you pause. Jeno's voice lacks any other emotion other than the sardonic smile he wears after. He looks away afterwards, timing to drop those words as soon as you're on earshot but he occasionally glances at you until he deems the ground you're walking on is fully safe. Even when he’s annoyed, his habit of making sure you’re okay never fails to deliver.
"Jen, I would never stand you up." Your response came out soft, a bit sluggish, the trace of sleepiness still following you. His blatant insinuation didn't even dissuade you, stepping closer to him to appeal your point. He hasn't looked at you yet so now you're hesitating, the instinct to touch his shoulder halted by his indifference.
But this allowed you to check him out.
He looks great as always, the tight white shirt hugging his big frame, the belt strap around his strong bicep—
Wait.
“Recognized something?”
Your ex boyfriend's question jolted you fully awake. He's eyeing you now like a hawk, looking smug as he focuses on your nervous stance. The surprise on your probing eyes were evident as you're putting together why his fit is familiar.
You only remember one person who wore the same top he did. One of the guys you were “seeing” in the last few months had that on at the last house party you went to.
Heeseung.
But how did he know?
"What, are you stalking me now?"
You slightly berate yourself for sounding defensive. You shouldn’t even feel any guilt at all but here you are trying to mask the slight guilt bubbling up inside your heart at his question. You’re single and certainly you didn’t owe your ex-boyfriend any sort of explanation.
Jeno's just testing you and you fell right into his trap. He's aware that you couldn’t hide your facial expressions well, choosing to confront you before you can touch him. You don't know why the simple question is affecting you this much. Probably because he's aware that you're having flings and he's making you feel like you’ve been caught.
And it twists something in you that your accusation barely did any damage on him.
"You re-posted it to your story." Jeno scoffs then it clicked.
You remember Giselle tagging you in that random selfie she took at the said house party earlier this month. In it, Heeseung was all over you, wearing the identical shirt and arm belt your ex boyfriend is clad in tonight.
“Then you decided to wear a similar fit to what? Taunt me?” Your voice rises in response to his contempt. Honestly, you don’t know where he’s going with this. You're already frustrated, your mixed emotions slowly piling up and he's still getting to the point. It didn’t help that his simple goading already provoked this much from you.
Maybe that’s what he wants. His plan all along.
“Is he the one you’re dating?”
So he's choosing to ignore your interrogation with another question as he walks towards his motorbike. He unloads the picnic basket to the ground while waiting for your answer.
“I wouldn’t be here if I already am, Jeno” you reply with resignation, wanting to give up this conversation already.
This is not the yearly catch up that you’ve been looking forward to.
Jeno’s never this adamant to know of your dating life as you are to his. It’s one of the conditions you’ve discussed after promising to stay in touch. No bringing up of people you’re seeing unless it’s official.
Because only then, it'll matter.
“Thought you’d end it once you arrived.”
The simple comment almost offended you but you forced yourself to calm down. You don't want to be overwhelmed this early on and Jeno's not letting you breathe with his rapid assumptions. The way he said the words however is too calm. Nevertheless, you can feel the anger lingering around even if he’s not facing you.
“Again, I’m not dating anyone...just playing around...you?"
Skirting around the question stirs an embarrassment inside your chest. You're fully aware that your ex boyfriend does the same as you. The fact that you sounded unsure despite your indignation pushes you to stay quiet when he hasn't answered. There's a slight hesitation on his face that you caught briefly, but you tried to ignore it. You're no better if you pointed it out.
"Here and there." He says quietly after almost a minute of silence.
You fight to keep your face neutral.
It stings to hear him confirm it and you feel like a hypocrite for feeling it this way. If it weren't for his best friend you wouldn’t have known. You unexpectedly bumped into Jaemin at a party in freshman year and there he accidentally spilled how Jeno's been doing. You knew how Jaemin was and you refused to be affected by such news.
But it did sparked your willingness to try with others, resolving the guilt that you once had for considering it after the break up.
You wouldn't lie that it didn't affect you. He's your first and only boyfriend, the first relationship—your first love. That's not something you can just erase especially when your break up was mutual.
On your first meetup since breaking up, you were anxious that Jeno wouldn’t show up but he did and even reassured you that he always will unless of course, things change. It's the reason you never brought it up since then. There was no need to and you didn’t want to waste the limited time you have together for something that shouldn’t matter.
However, the anxiety lingered since you found out and it magnifies whenever this time of year arrives.
Jaemin may have discreetly clarified that Jeno tends to cut off anyone he’s seeing when this time comes around. You’ve merely retorted that it’s the typical “spring cleaning” everyone does before the school year ends but the truth was, it never erased your worry.
It's like a waiting game between you and Jeno. Just like the previous years, you’ve tried your best to not care and not ask about any girls in Jeno’s life. And you've adapted his method, entertaining boys occasionally, until recently. This year, you haven’t cut off ties with any of them yet and you have no idea why.
Jeno wasn’t annoyed that you’re late—maybe a little but he’s used to it. He's mostly anxious but that absolutely doesn't mean he was stalking you either. He thrifted that top combo before he saw your story so why not put it to good use? Won't you be delighted to see that he and your newest fling are twinning?
The timing’s too perfect for him to not wear it for you.
And it's so fun watching you try so hard to look unaffected when he can read through you.
Right now, he's watching your gaze on the pavement after hearing his answer, contemplating whether to confront you further or not. You were already late and the confrontation went longer than he expected but as much as he didn’t want to find out why, he had to ask or else it’ll never leave his mind.
Not that anything about you ever did really.
“Last question and be honest with me on this one. You forgot didn’t you?” he asks, noticing your eyes fixated on the grass this time.
"I didn't. I'm literally here” you lamely respond and the guilt in your voice tells him enough.
“Don’t lie to me.” He seethes, looking away from you.
“I'm not, what reason would I have?”
To not hurt his feelings?
Again, Jeno couldn't find any suitable answer. The best possible answer he could muster is only his assumptions. He knows that's nowhere near the truth because you’ve always been so considerate, one of the qualities he’s admired about you.
He hears your steps and turns to you. He probably has been quiet for a while because you're watching him intently. He sends a challenging stare and watches you close the distance between you.
The motorbike wobbles when you lean against the space beside him.
Jeno should say something—anything but sometimes silence is also an answer. He waits for you to say anything but you remain quiet—your form of retaliation.
This won't do.
He takes a deep breath and faces you.
"Did you fuck him at that time?"
“You said the last question was the final one.” You pointed out with a little whine, still trying to find a way to end this conversation but he’s not having it.
This is truly Jeno's last question, for his peace of mind.
“Answer me.”
You pondered playing with him a little, a small yes to get back at all the accusations he’d thrown at your way earlier. A part of you wants to know how he'll react if you lie because he already knows the answer. The nerve of him to ask you this "last" question when he’s the one who broke your no contact rule that night.
A part of your rules before breaking up is to not communicate unless it's necessary, like when your yearly meet up is near in case of emergencies. Birthdays and special occasions are optional but then out of nowhere, you received a text from Jeno after a few months.
Your mood soured as soon as you did and it remained for the rest of the night. You couldn't even enjoy the party anymore, the shots you've taken only made you overthink about everything more than usual.
Thankfully, none of your friends noticed but you still felt bad how occupied you were. Your latest fling had been all over you but you didn't end up fucking him. Heeseung understood without you having to explain which was a relief on your part. He even offered to drop you home but you declined, opting to walk instead to clear your head.
It didn't work at all. Sleep didn’t come easy that night. Neither were the following days.
“Almost. It never happened.”
You whisper the words Jeno's been raring to hear. He doesn't know why but he likes to torture himself this way, prying you about things that annoy him.
The confirmation made him smirk.
“Sure didn’t? How about the other ones?”
His eyes drop on your bare thighs, the skirt and knee-high boots you're wearing doing just enough to not let the cold air affect you that much. You didn’t answer right away, the stubborn side of you resisting to respond but that's also because you were waiting for his next move.
Jeno senses this and rests his fingerless-gloved hand on your thigh, the leather skin of the glove making your body squirm the moment it brushes your skin.
So this is how he’ll pluck the answer from you this time.
You watch him stand up fully, his hand still on your thigh while the other lifts your face, forcing you to meet his eyes. Yours flit to the small mole below his left eye, your throat closing up in nervousness. Jeno's looking for something you already knew so you brave yourself to finally meet his intense stare.
His dark brown eyes lures you to spill the words he wanted to hear.
“No, I haven’t.”
There it is. This is why you avoid looking into Jeno’s pretty eyes. They always compel you to do stupid things and now you're spreading your legs willingly without him asking, causing your skirt to ride up.
“Yeah, I can tell.” He chuckles a little, his tone not giving away if he believes what you said.
Your ex boyfriend moves closer to your body, standing in between your legs until your chests are mere centimetres apart. The proximity made your heart flutter, and instead of looking at his face, your eyes shifted to his permed hair. You reach up to part them a little and the gesture startles him a bit. But he recovers immediately, leaning in for a quick kiss. He's been on a quest to distract you but it's not enough, targeting your neck next after a couple of more inviting kisses.
Jeno doesn’t give you time to process. His lips trail your jaw up to your mouth, biting your lips down to ask for entrance. You did after through a sharp gasp that you couldn’t hold anymore. He sneaks a hand inside your leather jacket, to the bare skin below your top, to hold your waist down on his motorbike seat. Your body reacts immediately, shuddering from the warm touch of his palm against your shivering skin. His other hand starts pulling off the collar of your jacket, not fully peeling it off yet, just enough to keep you warm from the breeze.
Your ex-boyfriend is still painfully sweet, making sure you wouldn’t fall off his bike and your stupid heart flutters at that. But how can you not when his gentle hold contrasts the way he’s nipping your skin harshly, determined to leave prominent marks on your neck.
“J-Jeno..”
“Look up.” He instructs and you do, tilting your neck to encourage him.
It wasn’t hard for Jeno to find that sweet spot of yours, pulling out that delicious sound from you that his ears missed. Having known your body for years, it’s the first thing he learned when you first dated back in your senior year of high school.
It delights him that you’re struggling to focus on the pretty sky above you, the mix of your quiet whines and gasps with your heavy breathing sounds melodious to his ears.
There are no clouds on sight so you’re trying your best, your eyes desperately hunting prominent stars to start with or familiar patterns because Jeno’s going to ask you about constellations again later. It’s a habit he developed way before you started dating, asking you randomly when the sky is clear, and it stayed even after you both called it quits.
Right now, you’re having a hard time recognizing any of them thanks to Jeno's bolder ministrations. He's definitely doing this on purpose, making it difficult for you as punishment. You wouldn’t rule that out, knowing your ex's petty nature. But none of that matters because you didn’t even want to focus on them anymore.
Jeno will have to bear with your possible mistakes later because all you want right now is for him to touch you where you need it the most. Aside from the catch ups and wanting to see him in person, you’ve always looked forward to sleeping with him, to check if he still wants you the way you want him—that no matter how many girls he’s fucked in the last year, he still wants you.
Maybe then it’ll also convince him to believe you. That you're telling the truth.
“Jeno please,” You’ve widened your legs when his hands stayed where they are, hoping he’ll get the hint.
He already did. He'll always know what you wanted but he’s enjoying your squirming body under his touch too much. You’re never not needy when you fuck but not often like this, so he’s got to prolong it as much as he can.
"Why are you this needy, hmm? You certainly were fucking others this week."
Jeno teases his question. His voice sounds more like goading, his hands are barely touching your bare thighs.
And you want to break down.
You were right. He is doing this on purpose. You're starting to panic at the possibility that he might not fuck you in the end. Because of it, you almost missed another accusation he's throwing at you. To your luck, the panic helped sharpen your focus.
Your ex might have the upper hand this whole time but there’s always a way to fight back. He’s not the only one with leverage. You know each other in and out after all.
"I'm always needy for you..."
Jeno's hands stop immediately. Your voice is breathy, almost to a whisper and paired with the neediest eyes you could muster, he didn’t stand a chance. The way your pretty eyelashes are batting at him, there's no other way but to give in. You pulled up that "innocent" look that has always worked on him in the past.
He doesn't even care whether you’re getting back at him or not, it always will.
“Mhmm, yeah, you always are. That didn’t change at least.” He grins down at you, his gloved hand now moving from your inner thighs to your damp core. Feeling your slick made him almost forget that you technically didn't answer his question. But nevermind that, he’d make sure this year’s catch up would be memorable for you.
Jeno’s fingertips continued tracing your clothed pussy lips that've been getting puffier the more he presses on them. He parts your panties to the side the same time his lips return to yours, swallowing the little gasp that escaped your mouth as soon as his pads meet your glistening core.
He starts in with a finger and then another, moving them right away before adding a third one. Your brows furrow when he doesn’t go all the way, stopping right before the edge of his gloves touches your pussy lips.
“Jeno—,” you cry, mouth gaping after realizing what he’s doing. You can take his punishment but not this time. There’s no way he’ll finger you like this. Yes, he can make you cum by playing with your clit alone but you've missed those thick fingers of his. The ache to be filled with them rises in you, your eyes welling at the frustration.
“Not enough,” you whine, your hips bucking desperately to have his fingers knuckle deep.
“I can’t stain my gloves baby,” he explains, his patronizing tone almost reviving your irritation from earlier. He can’t possibly be serious can he? You're contemplating your next move, thinking of actually getting back at him but the silent threat that he won’t fuck you continues to hang in the air.
“Not even for me?” you tried again, dismissing your initial idea, the worry overriding after that reminder.
Weren’t you desperate enough? It’s not enough for him?
Jeno was taken aback when you pulled his neck down to kiss him feverishly. You’re bolder than before, the desperation showing through your kisses and should’ve made him glad but it's the opposite. He isn't sure what to feel about it. On one hand, he’s glad you’re like this with him. Between the two of you, he was the bolder one and with this side of you coming out, it brings his own insecurities to the surface.
Being each other’s first, you’ve explored sex together until the day you decided to part ways. It’s inevitable; entering college fresh from breakup so you’re bound to learn more with other guys instead. Jeno would be a hypocrite if he judges you for it. He certainly tried to distract himself as his friends have advised him, the possibility that you could be doing the same thing drove him to consider it.
Jeno just didn’t think the whole thing would bother him this much. Seeing this new side of you stirs that small regret from the back of his mind.
He’s the one you should’ve learned this with.
Determination fires up in him to prove that he’s way better, that he’s still the best. Without answering your question, he pushes his fingers all the way, coaxing a sharp moan out of you.
“Shit, you’re gonna drench my bike at this rate,” he comments, pretty surprised. His teasing only spurs you to get off his bike, allowing his fingers to reach you all the way. You didn’t waste any more time and grabbed his wrist to move it at your own pace while he’s still stunned.
“Mmmm, it’s what you prefer, right?”
You let out a giggle after, clearly enjoying how your ex is struggling to keep his face neutral at the little show you're putting up for him. He’s very much affected by you still, if his tightening grip around your waist is to be considered.
But that didn’t last.
His free hand moved up to your neck after he recovered, his large palm wrapping around your throat. You feel the ring on his index finger, the scratch from the metal pulling you to meet his eyes. His pupils are blown out making you gulp, expecting another taunt but underneath his hardened gaze, the hunger is palpable.
“Nervous?”
“No.”
“Prove it then. Move, babe.”
He challenges you and flicks your hand out of his wrist. You whimper at that but Jeno didn't pay you no mind. Though his eyes are full of lust, he's staring you down with a quirked brow and your pussy clenched around his fingers, pulling another smirk from his chiseled face.
You don’t know what he’s playing at but you move your hips anyway. The edges of the leather skin of the glove rubs deliciously along your pussy lips, brushing your swollen clit. Your hips roll faster to chase the friction, your whole body assisted by a hand leaning on Jeno’s bike for extra support. The other claws at his bare arm, your nails digging in his pale skin when you think he’s about to squeeze your throat.
But Jeno doesn’t. His hand is perfectly still, but still in control, rooting your upper body. The anticipation has been killing you but his stare didn’t falter. He could be teasing you again so you swivel your hips more, afraid he’ll change his mind any minute. He’s giving you the full control on your pace but whose to say he won’t punish you for it later?
It’s what Jeno loves the most—watching you like this.
Almost half dressed with your askewed top, your face flushed from his ministrations, mouth gaping at his fingers scissoring you. Your dazed eyes are pleading for him to do more, your pussy has been clamping around his fingers when he stopped moving his gloved hand.
But Jeno’s attention’s not even on that.
His eyes are on the red lines adorning his pale arm, the result of your endless scratching. Not that he’s complaining. He’s actually hooked—to the pain from your nails, to the way your body unravels under his fingers without much effort from him and how beautiful your face contorts from pleasure to shock of betrayal when he suddenly pulls them off.
"J-Jeno?”
One second you were about to cum, the next, you were feeling empty that you almost screamed. You didn't get to react much, too confused and shocked at what your ex-boyfriend did. He didn't answer you, only stepping back from your shaking form. He’s got that wild look in his eyes as he eyes you down, the smug smile returning to his chiseled face, making your knees buckle. Your legs are wobbling, your hand clutching the leather motorseat as panic rises again in you when you realize that Jeno removed himself completely from your body. The instinct to reach for him is there but your body’s convulsing from the impending orgasm he just denied you.
And he’s out here wiping his slicked gloved fingers over his denim pants instead.
As a last resort, you peeled your jacket off and fling it over the seat, immediately reaching under your top to unhook your strapless bra hoping you’ll convince Jeno. He gives you an impassive stare and turns away, like you’re a mere nuisance that was too needy for him to take care of. You watch him in horror as he proceeds to pick up the basket with his clean hand, ready to head towards the field.
The indifference almost made you cry but you bravely tried again.
“Wait,” you blurted out, chest heaving. “Why?”
The resentment is evident in your voice but Jeno only gives you a sly smile. He's aware how cruel he's being but there’s a sick part of him that wants to test your limits. He wanted to see if he can still break you down like before—a reminder that your body is still his. There’s nothing he hates more than labelling you as his mere ex, something his friends love to remind him whenever they find him moping about you.
"You don't want to eat? Chenle helped me prepare these." He raises the basket in front of you, treating this like another normal conversation. You definitely don't want what he's offering even if Chenle's dear to you. Shifting his attention to the food supposedly made for you escalates the betrayal in your chest.
He’s acting like his fingers weren’t in you a few minutes ago.
If he thinks this faux concern will excuse him from his behaviour, he’s wrong. The game’s not over and he’s tested you to the brim already. All your mind can think about is how to convince him to let you cum. Undressing’s not even gonna work at this point but you still have a chance. Being bratty will only push Jeno to continue punishing you and that's the last thing you want so you let the frustration fizzle, knowing you’d have to play along if you want him to fuck you.
Shaking your head at him, you turn to his precious bike to refocus. It's one of your favourites to be fucked on which was probably why he’s acting this way. He treats it about as equally as you and he's fully aware how much you love riding it with him.
"Later..fuck me here first, please.."
You managed to stop Jeno from walking further, pulling him back to you. He returns but doesn't answer, just looking at you intently. You didn't waste any more time and loop your arm round his muscled one. You cling to him, pressing your whole body in desperation, letting him feel your chest.
You hear the hitch in his breath and you smile triumphantly, resting your head on his broad shoulders to nuzzle yourself on him even more.
It took Jeno a moment to realize that you’ve removed your bra, feeling your soft breasts rubbing against his arm. He looks down at your needy face, then to your chest, noticing your nipples getting perky at the friction through your thin top. He couldn't tear his gaze away from them until your other hand reached out for his belt, your hands tugging the loop which pulled another chuckle from him.
He was right. It is only a matter of time.
"You could've just told me you wanted to be fucked on my bike."
Jeno scoffs as he drops the picnic basket back to the ground. He has a knack of keeping his voice too leveled that you couldn't tell if he's mocking you or just amused unless he wants it to be. But it doesn't deter you. Instead of letting the sting from earlier linger, you give him your most seductive smile and press yourself on him more, your eyes flitting up to his lips.
"Thought you'd figure it out by now."
The clap back slips from your mouth before you can stop it. But instead of worrying at Jeno's retaliation, you feel a little pride in you as you whisper them into his lips. You’d have to at least clap back a little at him a little and this might be your best one so far.
Plus, it doesn't take much to get into your ex's skin.
Jeno’s eyes darkened at your remark and before you know it, he spins you around, bending your body over his motorbike. You can't see him but his focus is solely on you, his hands roaming around your body while you're grappling to hold yourself and his bike steady. Your pulse quickens, the excitement coursing through your veins at the way he’s maneuvering your body.
"You're saying I don't?"
Rage erupted in Jeno along with his insecurities at your implication. That he doesn’t know you anymore. His voice lacked that usual neutral tone, the frustration’s bleeding into him and it only excites you more. Jeno prides being patient among his friends, being the calmest when everything’s in chaos around him.
Not when it comes to you though. A few words or a gesture is enough to break his composure.
"N-No! That's not what I meant—fuck"
Jeno cuts you off with his palm meeting your backside, earning that loud moan from you. He flips your skirt after, exposing your damp core to the cold breeze.
“Then what did you mean hmm? That you’re still my slut?”
“Y-Yes! Yes I am!”
You were hoping the admission would make him touch you but to no avail. He's still not touching you, letting the silence swallow you as he contemplates what to do. Humiliation starts creeping in but you were far too desperate to give up now. You push your hips back and you swear you heard a stifled groan from him.
Another plea threatens to leave your mouth but his hands move to your clutch your waist.
“Really?”
His voice is low, as if he didn't hear you clearly. You badly want to turn around to see his handsome face but you don't want to risk another delayed orgasm.
“Yeah. I want it, want your cock in my slutty pussy,” you emphasize with another wiggle of your hips. That should be desperate enough for him to finally fuck you.
But Jeno's hands remained. Only when you try looking back at your ex do you feel his hold tighten. He’s prolonging this for whatever reason, not even letting you look at him. His firm grip keeps you still and you're tearing up again.
“Of course you do…” he mused and began unbuttoning his pants. He stares down at your enticing body displayed in front of him, admiring how pliant you are.
Shit. His hard cock twitches at the view.
“You let any guy have this while I’m away..” he pauses, hands spreading your cheeks to see more of your sopping pussy. You feel the blunt of his tip, tracing along your wet folds, slightly dipping in then out again. “Do I even need to fuck you?”
You wanted to cry in frustration.
“Not bare..never, please Jeno, I only do that with you. Please fuck me.”
Your admission pushes Jeno to finally enter you, the both of you emitting a loud moan, the stretch from his cock knocking out your breath. Oh how you’ve missed his cock. Despite having good fucks with other guys, no one can reach you this deep aside from him. Exploring has been good but Jeno just does it differently. He’s had years learning your body that no other guys have and won’t ever have.
“Damn, still so tight,” He groans, both hands returning on your waist. Once he reached the hilt, he stayed still. "Big—Jen..fuck" you cry and Jeno couldn't help but draw his hips back slowly until the tip of his cock almost leaves your pussy then pushes back again.
Being the good ex-boyfriend that he is, he waits until your hips begin moving. He starts off slowly at first to let you adjust, that sick part of him resurfacing watching your pussy struggle in taking him in.
Good. It’ll always be a reminder for you and your pussy that he’s the biggest you’ll ever have.
Despite being sensitive from your ruined orgasm, you've been responding to his thrusts, your hips meeting his with every stroke. Jeno’s trying to be careful but you’re making it too hard with the way your walls are clamping around his dick. Your breathy whines only spurs him to fuck you harder, his pace gradually increasing.
Something’s different this year. You and Jeno had fucked many times during your catch ups but tonight, he feels like he has to prove something. It’s odd but a small pride booms inside your chest. No matter how many girls he fucked since you broke up, he still cares about how he fucks you.
Jeno's always been confident. Not the flashy kind but the quiet one because he knows his skills and the efforts he puts in to developing them. He’s excellent at many things, particularly in satisfying women’s needs. It's why many of them return, begging for another chance and Jeno sometimes does, depending on what he feels at that time. But most of the time, he's too occupied to entertain them.
Then there's you.
He knows you well enough that whenever you meet, you’d still count on him, at least for a good fuck. That should be enough to appease his insecurities but that nagging thought continues to irk him; that there could be another man who can match the standards you’ve set; that soon, someone else will be able to replace him.
The scenario made him pour out his frustrations on you—in rapid snaps of his hips.
“Oh, so good, baby..” you moan the words with sharp gasps, snapping Jeno out of his thoughts. His thrusts almost paused, his mind reeling if heard the last word correctly. After your break up, you never once called him again with those pet names that he loves to call on you. You’d only call him his name or nickname, nothing else even if you’re fucking.
Until now. Jeno's regaining all that privilege, while you’re fucking back at him.
“Yeah? Bet you miss me fucking you like this,” he grunts, delivering another hard thrust. You nod profusely, struggling to breath with how fast he’s going at it. “Yeah, I do, fuck—miss you…ah”
Jeno’s heart swells to know that you miss him even if he only hears it when you’re fucking. He doesn't mind any of that though but hearing it straight from your mouth is different. Don't get him wrong, he does know you miss him. Even if you don’t outright tell him, your body language is enough. The longing looks and lingering touches when he's around; the way your tone changes when talking to him unless you want to be a brat. They haunt him every time your yearly meet up is over and he misses you even more. He’s always fighting for his life to not text or call you until that slip up.
Jeno never regretted sending those texts. In fact, he was fucking happy that he slipped. That him texting you bothered you enough to the point that you flaked on your fling that night. Small things are always a big deal for Jeno when you’re involved. He couldn’t afford to be choosy when he agreed to break up with you.
It wasn't like he really wanted it but again, it's for the best.
“You’re taking my cock well.” He muses, pounding into you more. Jeno's hands move up to cup your breasts, massaging them through your top. He's tempted to pull off your top but you're determined tonight.
Jeno’s not sure if he’ll get used to this although he should be. A part of him is glad that he’s able to bring this side out of you but another part doesn’t want any man to see you like this. The mere thought of others having this view prompts Jeno to grab your shoulder blade for him to raise your upper body, arching your spine more in the process.
The instant change knocks you out of your breath, pushing you to lock your elbows straight. Jeno reaches you deeper at this angle, his cock hitting that soft spot inside you that had you seeing stars. All the taunting he threw at you loops in your mind too, that desire to please him magnifying with each roll of your hips.
“Jeno—I’m close, nngh..”
You tried. You really did, to not cum this quickly but you’re too sensitive and he denied it to you already.
“Me too, babe..fuck”
A moan of relief leaves your lips at his words but that didn’t last long. Your laboured breathing and Jeno's groans join in the series of skin slapping that echoes through the dark but neither of you care. No one passes here around this time of night anyway, more privacy for you and Jeno although it's far from it.
You've been too focused to keep everything in, your legs shaking from the intensity but then your ex sneaks his hand around to rub your pebbled clit.
“In me, Jeno, please!” you managed to mutter when you feel him pulling out. Your ex-boyfriend pushes back in, pressing his muscled body against yours. “Fuck, fuck—okay, shit..” he rasps against the shell of your ear, punctuating each word with a thrust and the dam breaks. Your body collapses over the leather seat as your pussy milks him dry.
Jeno follows your suit, pumping all his cum inside you like you asked, his pace eventually slowing down as you both ride your highs. He peppers your bare shoulders with open mouth kisses, his palms caressing your waist to offer some comfort. As sweaty as you both are from the intense fucking, Jeno couldn’t stay apart from you yet, enveloping you in with his whole body, careful not to put his weight on you nor on this bike.
“You did so well baby.”
He whispers against your temple, kissing your flushed skin as he gently delivers his final thrust.
“Am I forgiven?”
Shock hits Jeno in the face at your question. Your voice sounded so small that the remaining lust coursing through his body dissipates. He freezes, his attention fully on your body’s current state. He badly wants to turn you to face him but he's noticed the tight grip of your hands on the motor seat. Although you tried to hide your hiccups from crying, they still slip out and his chest tightens.
“What? For what?”
You didn't answer.
Jeno did this to you.
He gives you time before pulling out slowly, gently squeezing your waist, hoping you'll finally face him. Fear joins the worry he already feels, scared of what he’ll find when you do. Your body turns around right away, offering him a meek smile but he wasn't convinced. He scours your face and you turn away, clearly afraid to show him what you feel but he catches your chin.
Jeno lifts your head and there he notices the tears streaking your flushed face. The urge to ask you again strikes him but you look like you’re on the verge of crying. So instead, he kisses you; hesitant but soft, he waits for you to reciprocate which you instantly did, clutching his muscled arm for support.
Although the kiss erases Jeno’s worries, it also shows him that you need a little break. Your reluctance to answer his question cracked his heart into pieces. He doesn’t know what you mean by this, the only assurance he got was you not pushing him back when he initiated the kiss. Clearly, it's not the time to have this conversation here. You’re still recovering from the oversensitivity and he didn't wanna push you emotionally too. The talk needs to be handled with care and he wants you to be comfortable when the time comes.
When you both separate to catch your breath, you share a warm smile with your ex-boyfriend before he moves to open the underseat storage. Immediately, your chest tightened at the sight of a very familiar helmet. When your eyes landed on the intricate design circling the visor, memories flashed at once. Not just when you were wearing it but also designing it when Jeno first got his bike.
“Do you want it back?”
“I don’t have a motorbike, Jeno.”
“For decorative purposes.”
You didn't know what to respond to that so you chose not to. The lump in your throat that you were hoping to disappear after the kiss stayed and you don't know why. You never worry when it happens because your ex-boyfriend never pushes you to answer. In both times, Jeno merely waits for you which you'll always be grateful to him for.
He takes a glance at you before pulling down the seat to close it. You lean back on it right away to rest and Jeno’s hand reaches for your thighs. He spreads them with his gloved hand and you widen your legs for him to kneel in between them. Like clockwork, you crumpled up your skirt to assist him.
Your ex-boyfriend takes his time wiping down your pussy and inner thighs in silence. Jeno's brows furrow in focus and it reminds you of how meticulous he is with everything he does. Watching him like this flutters your heart, to see the both of you naturally swinging back to your habits with one another.
After pulling your skirt back down, Jeno opens his palm for you to take. You grab it and give him a squeeze, a small form of reassurance that you're okay. He gives you that soft smile then proceeds to retrieve the picnic basket from the grass. You both walk hand in hand towards the area near the cliff, in silence while admiring what's around you.
Jeno lets you be once you dropped his hand the moment the skyline was visible. Your face brightens as excitement immediately fills you up, running off weakly to the fence without looking back at him. He watches you fondly although the urge to remind you to slow down bubbles up. But then, he doesn’t want to kill the fascination on your face while breathing in the view.
The plain field offers enough space that you’re surprised how no one really comes here except you and Jeno. Maybe they do when you're not around but in a way, you’re grateful because this became a special place for you and him. Jeno found this secluded area from your hiking date before you started dating. Right before the sun sets, he asked you to be officially his. Since then, it has become your favourite place to relax, returning there from time to time whenever you both feel like hiking.
It's also the reason why you both chose to catch up here after your breakup.
The view has always taken your breath away on each visit. You can see the entire city from here, the sprawled tapestry of lights from the buildings contrasting the darkness around you. It’s only once a year that you get to experience this beauty because you refuse to come here without Jeno. It feels weird coming here alone, you’ll just miss him and will try to contact him which is against the rules.
It took you almost a minute before realizing that Jeno didn’t follow you. Usually he does and that’s how your catch up begins. The worry resurfaces until you turn around and find him laying out the contents from the basket. You head towards where he is and immediately notice the snacks you’re going to devour tonight. Watermelon slices, glazed doughnuts, a pack of jellies and gummies and some almond bites—his favourites.
Now you feel a little bad for not bringing anything. You could've brought yours to share with him too but you both never plan your meet up though. You and Jeno preferred your catch up to flow naturally to avoid stress on you both.
However, it still did. This year’s meet up does, like the first time.
The heavy tension lingers in the air and the silence has been stressing you.
Your ex-boyfriend hasn’t talked since you joined him. He hasn’t even looked at you and the silence, once comforting to you, is starting to eat you up. Even if Jeno brought out some of your favourites too, your eyes stayed on him, waiting while your heartbeats’ gradually became faster. You want to start talking like usual but at the same time, you're afraid to break the silence. It’s peaceful right now, a perfect time for you to also recover from the intense fucking earlier.
The moon above is shining just right tonight—the ideal atmosphere to ease a conversation and yet Jeno’s fighting to maintain his composure. He’d been feeling the weight of your stares since you returned and for some reason, he couldn’t open his mouth to say anything. Thankfully, you didn’t catch him earlier as you were too enthralled with the view to notice he stayed back to watch you instead.
Jeno lets out a quiet sigh after emptying the basket. He lies on his side on the picnic mat, looking up at the sky to gather his thoughts carefully. He knows you’ve been waiting for him to say something. Perhaps he was too but he couldn’t even look at you yet.
The nerves are kicking in.
He’s fucking up again and you’re already hurt. Your last question replays in his head and right now, he can’t believe he’s begging the stars to give him some direction like how they did to humans since the beginning of time.
You noticed. Of course you do, you always do. Your eyes have never missed any subtle changes in Jeno's body language. You wonder what’s on his mind this time. When you saw the guilt in his eyes earlier, you didn’t understand it right away, your brain still high from the rush of orgasm. When he doesn't follow you to the edge of the cliff, you remember that there are many things you need to talk about tonight.
You mimic his position, your bare legs fully on display, hoping it’ll get his back his attention. It worked. Jeno’s eyes went straight on them but to your dismay, he still hasn’t said a word.
This night can’t go on like this.
You're giving him the time but maybe he’d been waiting for you too. A talk about the constellation would surely break the tension and divert both your attention to it.
“I can’t do this anymore.”
Your body freezes at his words. You couldn’t believe you’re hearing his words right when you were gonna talk.
“What?”
The turmoil inside you got worse, multiple emotions surging at once but mainly the shock and panic are getting you overwhelmed again. Jeno’s confession pulled one of your biggest fears.
Losing him for good.
Is this it? Will this be the final time you’ll ever see him? Does he not love you anymore? Is there a new girl in his life that he’s about to tell you about and this meetup's for a closure?
All those questions must've shown on your face but Jeno's too nervous to notice which is better for your part. You brace yourself for his next words when he shifts his anxious eyes back on you.
"Pretending that I'm okay with this setup when all I've ever wanted is you."
“Oh.”
It is a closure but not the kind you have in mind. You reacted so soon and Jeno has caught on now that he's looking at you, his eyes shifting from nervous to worry. You've been speechless for a close to a minute but you were just surprised. Between the two of you, you didn’t think he’d be the one to admit first, fully expecting him to skirt around the topic at least.
“But aren't you mad?”
"No baby. I was jealous and scared I lost you for good." He quietly admits, his voice shaking a little. This is so atypical of Jeno and you would've teased him if you weren't still overwhelmed.
"We had an agreement, remember? Plus, you literally just fucked me."
"I know but I can't help it, I'm sorry."
The slight whine in his apology should've melted you. Instead, you’re struggling with how to react. You were ready to adjust like always but why is he confessing now? You thought you’ve calmed down from the simultaneous emotions but confusion, in particular is eating you up. On one hand, you’re happy at his honesty and apology but the uncertainty is still there. Yes, he wants you but how?
“Let’s eat Jen, I'm starving.” You smile awkwardly at him when you can't find the right words to answer. Jeno looks away with a rueful smile and a nod, then hands you a tupperware of fruits to start off. It’s both annoying and endearing how attuned you and your ex boyfriend are. Confusion aside, he understood that you’re still not ready and had been patient with you.
The one trait he had that made you fall for him in the first place.
“Are they good?” He asks hesitantly, pertaining to the dumplings he made with Chenle.
“Yeah, surprisingly. Thank Lele for me.” You muse, munching another one. Jeno chuckles before taking a quick picture of you and the remaining pieces, knowing he’ll get an earful from his friend if he doesn’t document your reactions to it.
For a while, the two of you have gone back to silence. The mood now is different, the heaviness easing up a little. It’s comfortable like this, enjoying your favourites while watching each other discreetly. The awkwardness gradually dissipated which you’re grateful for. You thought the night was already ruined and you’d have to end this catch up sooner.
What a relief that the tables have semi-turned.
A snicker escapes you while Jeno's munching a pack of gummies. You find him fixated on your legs again as he chews each gummy bear absentmindedly. With your giggly outburst, his eyes averted back to you instantly, blinking slowly that made your smile wider.
Like he’d been caught. Cute.
You can sense his impending protest and immediately lean closer, still giggling but your attention’s fully on his lips now. He meets you halfway, pressing his sugar coated lips from the glazed doughnut he just devoured. You savour the sweetness in between kisses, biting his plump lower lip to ask for entrance, which he did with a groan.
Jeno can not only taste the saccharine in your mouth but on your actions too. You’re holding his face, fingers tracing his sharp jaw with delicate a touch that tugs his heartstrings more than he likes to admit. In return, he tugs your body, his palm finding your waist to pull you closer.
The emotions he’d been caging in starts to spill out and any hesitation vanishes the moment he meets your longing stare. He wants more of you and he’s frankly tired of holding himself back anymore.
"I still love you,” he whispers before diving in for another kiss. ”I don’t think it ever stopped."
"I love you too."
You’re tearing up as you say the words. It’s been years since you’ve spoken the phrase out loud, at least to another guy. One made it close to that and if this yearly meetup you have with your ex hadn’t existed, there’s a chance that you'll say the phrase again sooner but not to Jeno. You even remembered the last time you said it, on your last date before your break up.
Thinking about the phrase made you recoil ever since.
Jeno beams at your response. The corners of his eyes crinkle up into half-moons that have always lightened up your mood. Watching him intently, you notice the relief creeping up to the slight nervousness in his eyes. He looks like he wants to say more, and with an encouraging nod from you, he starts.
Jeno then reaches out to your thigh, finally touching the bare skin he’d been eyeing the whole night. His touch feels warm despite his hand shaking but you didn’t bother to point it out. He never does when you’re nervous around him.
“If you're done here, I would want you to come with me.”
He looks away after saying it, kneading the meat of your thigh while waiting for you to answer.
So this was why he’s nervous, unsure.
"You won't mind if I say goodbye?” you test it out with a hint, see if he’ll let you. “To wrap up things here…properly."
You watch his nose scrunch as you drop another hint but instead of confronting you with it, he nods with another firm squeeze of your thigh.
Jeno truly surprised you tonight.
"Go ahead, I'm not in the position to stop you. I have no right, not yet."
Your ex boyfriend didn’t argue like you expected. He didn't try to convince you to change your mind, to demand reasons why you couldn’t just leave with him right away. The Jeno from years ago would've vehemently opposed the idea. He would question you the details until you’re left to tell him everything but now…he truly did change for the better.
So did you.
“You’re really fine with it?”
“I can wait. I was able to wait for years. This is nothing.”
He pretended to sound offended and you merely chuckled. Jeno has been waiting this whole time—like you did. Honestly, you find the whole situation funny enough.
“We’re both so stupid.” you shake your head, sighing out loud. "We wasted so much time when we still love each other." You deadpanned but Jeno shakes his head.
“You and I needed to grow separately and we’re still growing babe,” he squeezes your thigh for comfort. You raise a brow at him, that mischievous smile returning on your lips before grabbing a piece of almond bites to throw his way. He annoyingly caught it with his mouth, smirking at you as if to ask for more.
How dare he use his sharp jawline to distract you.
“Definitely more mature than before.” You chuckle and take the last piece for yourself, much to his faux disappointment. “Enough to try again?” He queries, his smirk turning into a hopeful smile. “I, too, am tired babe.”
“We’ll be better, baby. We’ll communicate better.”
“And we don’t need to rush Jen, we’ll get there, together.”
Jeno’s truly happy with your decision. His main dilemma was finally resolved. Still, he hates how the nerves linger despite the result he was hoping for. He was unsure if you’ll say yes earlier and even if you just did, the fear of fucking up again looms over him and will probably stay for a while. That's something he'll definitely work on with you.
Trusting himself more that is.
Now that you’re both a little bit older, you finally feel ready to rekindle what you had, frontal lobe developing and all. You’re clearly still in love with one another so going back and forth is no use anymore. This time around, it’s going to be better and you both promised to take things slow, not repeat your old habits that prompted your break up.
It would never happen again. He’ll never let you go unless you want to.
That’s how much Jeno loves you.
e/n: i wouldn't recommend doing this lmao pls don't for your peace 🙏🏼
this fic is exclusive to the $5 tier on my patreon, which you can access here! below is a tumblr preview
Donghyuck believes you should risk your life for a week in bed with the pack leader.
“Listen, last I heard, the alpha is huge down there. Like the biggest knot any omega has ever taken,” he tells you with a smirk. You roll your eyes at his candor. “What’s wrong if he loses his temper a little? He's the pack leader for a reason. He can’t be that easy to set off or else we would already be at war with another pack.”
“How do you know that? Have you ever spoken to him?” You retort, which has Donghyuck zipping his lips shut.
No one has seen Lee Jeno since he was appointed pack leader. His responsibilities lie outside of pack grounds, ensuring no harm comes to the community by establishing a secure base around the perimeter. It’s rare for him to show up at community events unless it’s absolutely necessary.
He simply acts as the ominous figure that parents tell their pups at night — be good or else Jeno will come to scold you!
From what you recall when you were younger, he had been a shy alpha in school, never speaking out of turn and dodging all attempts for friendship. Everyone knew he would become the pack leader someday, and most of the elders warned you not to make an enemy of him. The cautionary tale didn’t exactly bring him popularity with the other children.
“I think you’re missing out on an amazing opportunity to get fucked within an inch of your life,” Donghyuck gossips with sparkling eyes. You quickly scan the gardens to check that no one else is eavesdropping on you. So far, you’ve only told Donghyuck of your ordeal and you would like to keep it that way. “I mean, he could give it to you so good.”
“Are you sure you’re not going into heat?” You reply with a scathing glare thrown his way.
You continue to pick fresh strawberries and drop them into your basket, gathering enough fruit for the community’s food pantry. You’re tasked with keeping it fully stocked every week. Donghyuck doesn’t usually accompany you to the gardens because he hates the sun beating down on his face, but he must be really determined to get you in Jeno’s bed to be out here.
“Trust me, you would know. I would be humping someone’s leg and trying to pounce on any available alpha I could find.”
You open your mouth to reiterate why you think sleeping with Jeno is a bad idea, but you hear someone clearing their throat from behind you. You briefly catch the shocked expression that twists over Donghyuck’s face before you spin around.
Your heart nearly flies out of your chest when you see the pack leader standing in front of you.
Your head dips immediately in submission, your omega seizing up in the alpha’s presence. You drop the basket to the ground, eyes wide as you try not to freak out.
Jeno quickly helps you pick up your basket, offering it back to you.
“T-Thank you,” you squeak, afraid of saying the wrong thing.
You were berating his second-in-command less than twenty-four hours ago, but you have never felt the crippling fear of your omega until now. His alpha pheromones ooze out of him, encompassing you wholly to remind you who’s in charge.
“I apologize for startling you,” Jeno says smoothly. “I didn’t mean to interrupt your duties for the community. Jaemin informed me that you were a bit displeased I didn’t formally request for you in person-”
“That was my fault, alpha!” You interject. “I was being terribly rude. I never meant to insult you-”
His finger grazes over your chin, tilting your jaw upwards until you’re staring at him directly. You swallow your nerves, finally able to look at him.
He resembles a little of his younger self but his soft features have hardened, shaping him into the brooding alpha he’s meant to be. His eyes darken as he gazes at you, and you feel your core twitch involuntarily, wondering what it would be like to be trapped underneath him.
“I didn’t come for your apologies, omega,” he says. “I was the rude one, sending a messenger after you with such a delicate subject. I should’ve been kind enough to speak to you myself.”
You find yourself wanting to apologize again, even though there’s nothing to say sorry for. He renders you speechless, leaving you with your mouth gaping like a fish out of water.
Jeno shifts his focus to Donghyuck, who stands quietly behind you, his chin tucked to his chest obediently.
“Lee Donghyuck, yes? I remember you from our time at school.”
You can feel Donghyuck’s nerves radiating off of him.
“Y-Yes, alpha. I s-should be going now,” he replies, and you throw him a look that clearly states don’t leave me here! “I’ll give y-you some privacy to talk.”
Once you’re alone with Jeno, your throat goes dry. The alpha scans you, submitting to his natural instincts to check if you’ve been harmed. He pushes out a comforting scent to ease the tension from your shoulders.
“Jaemin said you had quite a few concerns about my behavior during my rut. I wanted to be open and honest with you, especially since you’re placing yourself in an uncomfortable position for my sake.”
“O-Oh,” you mumble, flushed by his rapt attention. You should’ve watched your tongue around Jaemin, knowing he would relay your bratty attitude back to Jeno. “I did have a few concerns. Alphas aren’t naturally… kind when they’re in the haze of their rut. A few of the omegas I know have told me some horror stories.”
He nods in understanding. “It is an instinct we often fail to control. I admit, I have not experienced my rut since I became pack leader. I’ve been taking suppressants because I felt that my rut would prohibit me from my duties, but it’s only hindered my state of mind. I find myself struggling to focus during important meetings. I’ve read up thoroughly on the process though, I assure you. I’ve given Jaemin clear instructions that he has the right to intervene if I ever do anything that you find unpleasant.”
That does make you feel a little better. You purse your lips, twiddling your thumbs as you say, “I was also confused, alpha, as to why you chose me.”
He coughs, glancing away from you for the first time. The tip of his ears bloom red, and you realize that the head alpha is actually embarrassed by his answer.
“…I find you to be a suitable omega for my wants and needs. I didn’t make this decision impulsively. This has been a choice I’ve been planning out carefully for months.”
You nod, feeling butterflies swarm your stomach in anticipation. It would make sense that the pack leader would assess all of the omegas in your community thoroughly. He must’ve been singling them out one by one, observing them until he landed on you.
You just fit his job description. You don’t know why your heart sinks a little at the conclusion.
What were you expecting? That the pack leader would fall in love with you at first sight?
“And we would be doing this at my house?”
His eyes widen. “No, no, of course not. Too many people would be around and my alpha would constantly worry about protecting you. The council has elected to build a cabin in the heart of the woods, far away enough for our privacy. Jaemin will check in on us every day and provide us supplies.”
You furrow your eyebrows. “How long does your rut usually last?”
Ruts are only supposed to last three to five days, so it amazes you when Jeno replies with, “Two to three weeks.”
You almost topple over and his hand clasps around your upper arm to steady you.
Two to three weeks? You have to fuck Jeno for two to three weeks?
He winces at the scared expression on your face. “I understand it’s not ideal. But the combination of me being the pack leader and warding off my rut for so long has brought unexpected side effects. I understand if you want to decline.”
“If I decline, does that mean you’ll find another omega to spend your rut with?”
The color of his ears deepen into a shade of crimson. “Not likely. I’ll probably suffer through it alone.”
You blink in amazement. It’s hard to wrap your mind around the fact that he would rather spend two to three weeks in agony than locate another omega to stick his cock into.
You take a deep breath. “I’m open to the idea. As long as my safety isn’t compromised.”
“Of course,” he says, his lips stretching into a smile. You coo over how his happiness dances across his face. “I would never gamble with your life. You can trust me.”
Oddly enough, you do trust him. You don’t know if that’s because he’s managed to convince you or because your omega is inclined to surrender to the head alpha’s wishes.
You inhale sharply when you say, “Where should I meet you?”
want to read the rest? access the $5 tier on my patreon here!