WHEN / WHERE: Mid-February, evening; in a small café
WITH: open to anyone; ok to assume connections if necessary!
“So, let me be clear here for a moment.” Jiwon straightened out the creases in her skirt first, perhaps taking a little more time than necessary just for the dramatics of it—if she did, that was no one’s business but her own anyway. “I paid for your drink, which means we’re going to play by my rules today. And my rules say that we’re not, under any circumstance, going to talk about work. Tell me anything you’re comfortable telling me here–” Her hands flew out, to gesture at their surroundings, that being the small, currently fairly empty café she’d suggested for the meet-up, “But no work talk.”
Frankly, none of this was as much of a selfless stunt meant to counteract the weighing pressures of the industry as she was making it seem in the moment but Jiwon couldn’t care less. She was tired of thinking, living and breathing Lucid’s upcoming comeback, no matter that she found it less boring than what their innocent concepts had been like so far, and if she had to co-opt someone else’s daily life anecdotes to get somewhat of a reprieve she wasn’t going to claim being above doing just that.
It wasn’t this bad, right? After all, she was still fielding the bill at the end of the day.
“fair enough.”
an instantaneous quirk of his eyebrows is followed by a just as sudden grimace; he deems it a strange way to make conversation, and while he doesn’t usually like to talk about work anyway, now it’s all he can think about. (is this what the professionals mean when they talk about reverse psychology? he wonders.) he takes a few idle sips of his americano just to stall a little longer, then decides to just wing it. throw a dart at the array of ideas constantly floating around in his mind and see where it lands — that’s usually what he does, anyway.
“i’ve been thinking about adopting a new dog lately. i already have one—her name’s genie—but she’s a real attention-seeker, so i worry about her when i’m not at home.” a couple seconds of silence; he isn’t waiting for a response, though, it’s just a momentary pause so he can take a breath. “there’s a chihuahua at a shelter near my residence that i’ve been hangin’ out with lately. like, volunteer-walking, you know. and i like her! i think she’d be a nice addition to my little family, but the issue is that the dog i already have is... kind of big? not huge, but she’s a spitz, so... bigger than a chihuahua, at least.”
(and chihuahuas are noisy, aren’t they? or is that just a stereotype? he thinks about asking jiwon, but decides that she’s probably not a walking encyclopedia and therefore probably wouldn’t enjoy being treated as one.)
“do you think that matters? genie doesn’t play rough, but i’m not sure that a tiny dog would be the best friend for her.” he gives a brief hum of thought, then smiles at his company. “what do you think?... do you have any pets?”
The third part of tvN drama It’s Okay To Not Be Okay’s original soundtrack has been released onto streaming sites today ahead of the airing of the sixth episode tonight. For the latest release from It’s Okay To Not Be Okay’s original soundtrack, Impulse member Daesung sings “My Tale”, a romantic piano ballad.
This is Daesung’s second solo OST since debut, and his first since 2017..
It’s Okay To Not Be Okay airs every Saturday and Sunday night on tvN.
COMMENTS
1. this song is perfect for the drama
2. ah… so you can fall in love with a voice
3. i haven’t watched the drama, but this song is the level of an album single
4. gold star should let impulse do more solo activities like this. daesung fits this ost like a glove
a playlist of twenty-five songs that daesung keeps on repeat. this isn’t his official playlist (that one’s private), but it acts as an introduction to his taste in music — a piece of him presented for fans who want to listen to the same songs he listens to, or learn a little more about him. occasionally edited to replace certain songs when he finds something new he likes because he wants to keep it at a steady 25 tracks. / 25 tracks, 1hr 27min.
i want to hear your voice calling my name.
i didn’t realize how much i’d miss you,
please give me one more chance.
you calling my name is the lead single from impulse’s 2020 mini-album, call my name. daesung enjoyed promoting ycmn — it’s a fun track, though it did have to grow on him and by the time promotions were coming to an end, he was starting to lose his interest in it again. still, it’s a song that he likes enough to go out of his way to listen to, which isn’t something found frequently within impulse’s discography. if there’s one thing that he would like to change about this era, though, it’d be the leather suits that they performed in. while he can agree that they looked cool (and made him feel cool), leather is not the best material to dance in. sweaty nightmares still haunt him. overall, he’d rate it 9/10.
slouched across his producer couch, the look he pitches to the sudden appearance of daesung at his tenement is monotonous. with a gaze that’s settled over top of the bass guitar laying on his chest, sprawled out like he’s laying in his bed, culling the strings with a melody he plans to use in the future. he stops plucking, half asleep and staring at the ceiling only to note he isn’t alone.
“oh, sup.” he pinches cords to make one low, rumbling vibration he can feel in his chest. his tone says he doesn’t really want to talk, but he’s not in a bad mood. he can’t remember the last time he saw daesung but as it hits him it’s been too long, his lips twinge into an awkward smile, streaking across his lips in a jagged, dull color that catches his gaze alight. “what you doin here? you’re a long way from home.” he sits up enough to stow his heavy instrument on the stand next to his couch and groans when he does, from recently unused muscles and atrophied posture. “don’t tell me — did you come to see me?” he teases but the energy isn’t in it. it’s no surprise from his dark circles and if you know him at all, but he hadn’t slept much lately.
after his first quartet of knocks goes unanswered, daesung decides to let himself in. the ease with which he’s able to causes concern to flare, but he decides not to nag for now; he isn’t here to be a nuisance, he’s here to remind chani that a world still exists beyond the four walls he’s trapped in. “i’m not sure why i’m here either,” he shrugs, putting on a half-smile. “last thing i remember is being in kansas — a strong breeze caught me off guard and next thing i knew, i was outside your door. crazy, right?” as soon as he’s done talking, he realizes how loud his voice had been; it's nothing new, but now the tired look on chani’s face makes him feel guilty. when he speaks again—serious this time—he makes a conscious effort to soften his tone.
“of course i’m here to see you. maybe i should’ve texted first, though.” questioning look aimed at chani seems to ask for confirmation or denial, but it doesn’t really matter; he’s here now and he doesn't plan on leaving so soon. he steps further into the room, appears to contemplate stealing the newly-freed space on the couch before chani can decide to lie down again, but he stays standing instead. “you look like you’ve been working hard. how long have you been cooped up in here?”
twenty-something and still caught inside the tides of habit.
but she doesn’t blame daesung, no. because at the end of the day, she’d like to believe her heart’s wielded from golden hues and genuine ties of friendship —even if it means her heart echoes a crack from the emergence of a boy inside her head. the figure in mind’s not here, just the physical void gaping inside her chest. but seo minjung would be a hypocrite to dwell too much in the sullen tones of melancholy in the presence of camaraderie. so, she adjusts herself outside of her skin. far from the pretenses of the stereotypical image of a girl lost (that’s not her. at least, not in the context of observing eyes).
“there’s a few weeks — give or take the spread of chocolates might make you infectious to the point you’ll have a line of admirers lining down the hall.” her finger makes a quick point over towards the door, and the jut in her chin’s just a mechanism to avoid the stare forcing her into confronting the reality of this year’s grim valentines day.
instead, she turns away. narrows her gaze over towards the posters along the wall, each one hollow inside her thoughts which already run wild. “an enemy?” her voice lilts two notches higher — a peace treaty for the unaware. “i wouldn’t say so, just a little bruise moreso than voldemort himself. i’m fine, peachy keen — no worries about me.” and she offers what she can, the last fragments of a thin-lipped smile pulled too lofty for an actual repose.
(still, curiosity gets the best of her — it always does.)
her eyes flit back onto his, yanked away from the faux comfort when they rest low. “have you spoken to him lately?“
though she says no worries, daesung’s concern isn’t diminished. as he watches her avoid looking at him by looking everywhere else instead, he considers dropping the topic completely, going back to something light-hearted or letting the silence settle over them again. he cares—of course he cares—but he doesn’t want her to feel cornered into talking about something that he has no right to pry into, anyway.
but with the assurance that yeonggi isn’t an enemy, his guilt begins to fade. not much, but enough to keep him talking. “voldemort’s lesser-evil twin, then? well, bruises always heal,” he states, double-sided phrase that also holds the meaning of ‘and so will the two of you’. something that he doesn’t say directly because there’s no way to know for sure, anyway — it’s just wishful thinking from a nosy friend who wants the best for yeonggi and minjung.
when she finally meets his gaze, he smiles by default. not as intense as his usual grin; something that’s more genuine, meant to to comfort. “yeah, actually. we hung out around a week ago? something like that, but...” he trails off, weighing his words before he speaks them. he intends to say something like we didn’t talk about you, but it feels clumsy and cold in his head. prone to be misinterpreted, even though he has a feeling that might be what she’s asking.
“we didn’t talk about anything serious, so i didn’t know.” better? yeah, maybe. “have you talked to him recently, or..? sorry. i don’t know why i asked that — we can stop talking about him if you want to.”
ever since her debut in our songs, joo had thought–that she would get used to in a certain way how others might treat her a little differently as she established her status as a rather proficient composer and producer in the music industry. that didn’t seem to be the case at all, as she flushed at the compliment that the younger male before her had given her within the few seconds that he had opened his mouth and brought up her music works for others. blue had been a tender but delicate song to produce, and she had known that suji had been the person that she was writing for by then, which had helped bring forth the ideas for the entire composition of the entire song itself.
it was really just a blessing that the lyrics had fitted so well with the playful and youthful vibe that she had given the song, and youngjoo blinked, tilting her head slightly in mild contemplation at his words. “you’re making sense to me, if that’s what you’re somewhat worried about.” she reaches over to touch his hand gently, a stroke of reassurance that she felt he seemed to somewhat need, especially from the various little actions that had ebbed in his slight movements. “don’t be..don’t be so nervous. you’ll make me nervous as well.” she laughed a little nervously, a sheepish edge in the corners of her tone as she felt embarrassment creep up in a strange heat to the back of her neck and the nape of her neck. “i’m still not that used to having someone being interested in the things that i produce, usually…people would ask the ones that wrote the lyrics for the song rather than the composer of the song, but–i’m strangely happy that you actually asked.” a soft huff of laughter pealed from the shell of her lips as she lightly shook her head at her own delicate embarrassment.
“another one of my songs that had that…lazy, dream like quality was E.T, which i wrote for our songs, i believe.” she mused thoughtfully, a finger tapping her lips lightly in thoughtfulness. “but for blue specifically, i happened to know that i was writing for suji, i believe. so the first thing i thought of was, what was the sound that encapsulated the feel of the person singing it, and the idea that came to me first was youth.” she paused for a moment, half curious at what he thought. “but tell me though, what vibes and ideas did you get, just from listening to blue?”
don’t be so nervous. it’s something that daesung rarely hears, if ever; his restless energy is usually brushed off as being nothing more than another part of his personality. in some ways, it is — but it’s more than that, too. he’s surprised that youngjoo notices (let alone mentions it) and the laugh that he utters as a result sounds a little offbeat. “it’s that obvious? i’m sorry. i don’t know why i’m so nervous.” of course he knows why: he’s scared of saying the wrong thing, sounding even less intelligent than he is. seems like youngjoo is the type to pick up on others’ energy, though, and the last thing that he wants is for her to feel uncomfortable in his presence. he breathes in deep and when he exhales, he lets go of some of the tension, too. “as much as i like the lyrics for blue, the thing about lyrics is that...” he pauses, searching for the right words. as a lyricist himself, he thinks that lyrics are equally important; however, the skills needed to make music and the skills needed to write lyrics are different.
“words can have different meanings depending on the tone they’re spoken in, right? i think lyrics are kind of the same way, but rather than tone, the accompanying music can change the meaning. or... the feeling, at least. asking a lyricist versus a composer or producer what they were thinking when crafting a song, the answer’s probably going to be different?... a lyricist draws the picture, the composers and producers color it in.” he’s not sure why he’s rambling. she hadn’t asked why he’d come to her rather than the lyricists, she’d just said it was unexpected. with this is mind, he brings the thought to a close.
as he listens to her speak, he realizes that he hadn’t watched our songs. he didn’t think he’d heard any of the songs, either — but to admit it now would be embarrassing, so he makes a mental note to listen to e.t. later. “from the instrumental alone, it sounds like a kind of... naive song? maybe naive isn’t the word i’m looking for, but it has a sweet, youthful kind of feeling for me. somehow feels a little sad, too, though.” he wonders if he should go on or stop here. he’s sure that she works hard on everything she does, and that damned nervous side worries that she might be upset if what he perceived when listening to the song is completely different from what she intended. in the end, he goes on, anyway. “kind of nostalgic, i guess. like reminiscing on something from a simpler time. but on the other hand, it reminds me of chasing butterflies.”
the process of writing ‘tmi’.
1,054w, excluding lyrics.
seven years into daesung’s career, he’s finally given the green light to start working on a solo project. not the tentative ‘we’ll see’ that he’s heard over and over, but a certain confirmation that it’s time. better yet, he’s granted (some) creative leeway and the first thing that he decides is that he doesn’t want to sing some sad ballad, the second is that he doesn’t want to sing about love. not that there’s anything wrong with either; it’s just that he’s been singing sad ballads and love songs for long enough already. if he’s going to branch out, he wants to go all the way — he wants a song that’ll feel like it’s entirely his, not some packaged good that he just so happens to be the one holding.
tmi isn’t a new idea. it’s been floating around in his head for months, inspired by a steadily-growing collection of conversations with people who are coming to the realization that there’s nothing clean and polished about his public image. what you see may not be all there is, but what you see is definitely a part of what you get. true to the extent that some people tell him he’s too much. too honest for an idol, too talkative, too loud — it’d be okay if it were a persona, but somehow, the fact that it’s real makes it feel overwhelming. (he thinks about one particular mc, the t shape they’d made with their hands, the way they’d shouted tmi, tmi, tmi to drown out a story that became more and more embarrassing as daesung revealed more details. it would’ve been laughed at if it had clearly been made up for the show, right?).
in simpler words, he wants a song that reflects this side of himself; something that’s entirely too honest in a venial way.
from there, it develops into an outline of citing personal facts, rambling through lyrics that will feel like talking to an old friend. a friend who shares every pointless detail, even if it’s tmi. the team of company lyricists that he confides in tell him it’s a good idea if he can find a way to make it work.
he starts writing the same night, but approaches the page with a tense mindset. too serious, too eager to impress — tmi shouldn’t be about impressing anyone. he backtracks, decides that his first step should be formulating a list of personal facts. things that aren’t scandalous, but are secretive for other reasons, like being too irrelevant to slip into interview answers or casual conversation. he has the team of lyricists review his list through texts, scrapping ideas that they claim wouldn’t sound good in any kind of song, or the ones that they don’t think his fans would like to hear.
it becomes easier to write like this. foot tapping steadily against the hardwood floors in his apartment, he gets a full verse written in fifteen minutes.
my sleep cycle’s messed up (jetlag)
need blackout (curtains)
but to be honest, i’ll sleep wherever my back lands (sleep well)
if i don’t have a schedule, i’ll sleep all day
so i can rest during the daytime, call me later at night
he considers leading in to a tale of nightlife, but decides it’d be too predictable that way. he doesn’t want a song that focuses on one topic too much; to avoid getting stuck on his reversed sleep-wake cycle, he pulls more facts from his list instead.
cold noodles over spicy ones, but
without cucumber, please (i do eat pickles, though)
dogs over cats because of my
allergies (my eyes even turn red)
considering a lasik surgery ‘cause i’m a minus 7 (physical exam’s level 3)
my car’s a white g-wagon
he can’t start out a song like this, though. needs to sound like he has some idea of what he’s talking about if he wants people to listen past the first thirty seconds, so he writes another verse next with the intentions of having it be less rambly, but just as pointless.
don’t know why, but i woke up early today
i feel like going for a walk
should i just throw on whatever and go outside for a sec?
nah, the micro dust is crazy
the weather’s terrible
my house is where i need to be
my breakfast menu’s sunny-side up, cereal and toast
i lie down on the sofa again, watchin’ netflix
what series should i watch?
it’s relatable, right? for night owls like him, he thinks it will be — they should all know the feeling of waking up before noon, not knowing what exactly to do. knowing you should take advantage of a whole day to be productive, but ending up wasting it away instead.
for daesung, the chorus is usually the easiest part to write, but now he draws a blank. he could write plenty of verses like this, he thinks, but he doesn’t know how to glue the pieces together; he ends up sleeping with only two verses written, leaves the song alone for a couple days and comes back with a fresh mind.
he thinks it makes sense to write about nightlife now, considering the lines about being shocked to wake up early and preferring nighttime communication, so that’s what he goes for. he writes a whole pre-chorus and chorus about being the type of person who goes out too much because he doesn’t like to be alone, because he needs excitement in his life and the company of other people to keep from thinking too much, but this is where the issue rises.
it’s too much.
figures — a song based on oversharing and being too much shouldn’t have limits, but because he is still an idol, he understands where the criticism comes from when he sends the lyrics to another lyricist through email to be reviewed. (how about something like this for the pre-chorus? similar flow, but it’s less likely to be misconstrued, right?)
i used to go out every night (we party)
but i hardly go outside these days
it’s dangerous outside, it’s dangerous outside the blankets
too many temptations and people make me exhausted
i get a little stressed over my personality
which makes me feel lonely
thinkin’ ‘bout these things,
i’m divin’ back into the studio
anyway, thanks for listening to my story
even if it’s tmi.
it’s almost entirely different from what daesung had written, and he thinks that it’s a bitter form of censorship. feels like taking his liveliness and shoving it into a box, telling him to stay at home and just focus on work; but he tells himself it’s not meant to be personal, right? some things have to be muted for the sake of palatability, and besides, he can detect bits of himself still present in the new lyrics, so he accepts the adjustments without showing his disappointment.
tmi becomes a placeholder in the chorus itself, repeated over and over for no other reason than neither he nor the other lyricists involved in the process have thought up a new one yet — in the end, it sticks. it’s easier this way, and though some of them argue that it’s repetitive to the point that it’s irritating, daesung gets attached to it. he thinks that it adds to the concept, and his vehemence to keep it in wins the battle.
he thinks it should fade out like this — repeating tmi until the song ends, but he’s told that an outro will make it sound smoother, so he listens, but finds a way to have tmi be the last word, anyway.
tmi, tmi, tmi
for you, this might be
tmi, tmi, tmi
born on june 14, 1996 at 11:14pm, daesung is a gemini — mischief doesn’t just follow him, it lives inside of him. motivated most strongly by his curiosity, he’s always on the move, looking for something to satisfy his hunger for knowledge. he finds most things interesting—especially people—and despite seeing firsthand that the world can be a dark place, he still believes that a bigger percentage of it is filled with warm light.
sun in gemini — chatty, defined best by curiosity; the kind so often compared to the innocent wonder of childhood. he wants to know why, he wants to know how. finds beauty in the details, though he’ll forget them sooner or later.
seen as being a little bit all over the place. unreliable due to his attention being pulled in a hundred different directions. it’s not that he doesn’t care, it’s just that everything seems to interest him on a surface level, so very few things hold his interest for long.
often unable to commit to long-term projects. if forced to follow through, the results will show that his heart wasn’t in it.
ascendant in aquarius — quick to accept things that he doesn’t fully understand, emotionally intelligent but somewhat removed from reality. what he sees isn’t always what actually is. lots of niche interests.
occasionally clumsy in his relationships with his surroundings. has a tendency to jump to conclusions, even though he knows that what he sees isn’t all there is & might not be accurate in the slightest.
moon in gemini — restless energy, a perpetual feeling of never being where he should be, on a constant search for complete freedom. the consequences of these feelings are the worst when he’s alone. victim of semi-frequent identity crises.
wants to be his best self, unsure of how to get there. ricochets between thinking that he has plenty of time ahead of him and trying to rush through stages of growth; sometimes thinks that he’s far behind.
also tends to spread himself too thin while searching for something that will provide a sense of fulfillment.
mercury in gemini — a mind that moves quicker than he can articulate; his words rarely do him justice. smarter than he seems. struggles to catch his metaphorical balance, but in fast-paced, stimulating environments, he’s well-spoken and has a lot of information to share. likes to listen just as much as he likes to talk. learning new things is one of his passions, though it takes a certain kind of learning/communication to get ideas to stick.
details, details, details. interested in the pointless little bits that others might overlook. to him, the intricacies complete the picture.
his deep-rooted, all-consuming curiosity mixed with his social butterfly tendencies mean that it’s easy for him to connect with all kinds of people. the kind of guy who really is interested in what you have to say. when he asks how your day was, he isn’t looking for “good” or “eh”; he’s looking for anecdotes. tell him about that new coffee you tried, tell him how bitchy your manager was, tell him about that funny scam caller that you uno-reversed. he really wants to know.
venus in gemini — playing a constant game of finding the odd one out, then focusing on them. drawn to people, things and concepts that he doesn’t immediately understand, things with many layers. a nonconventional kind of push-and-pull while he explores the things that interest him most.
easily bored, can be perceived as being non-committal or flaky for how quickly he’s able to drop interests despite his initial enthusiasm.
struggles to form deep relationships; a constant need for something new means that his attention rarely falls on one singular person for long. many, many, many friends, hardly any close ones.
mars in gemini — one foot in front of the other mentality. straight-forward about how he feels and what he wants, though he tends to speak in circles or lose sight of the main point. confrontation-averse; bottles up his irritation ‘til it overflows, then addresses the problem head-on. communicative, though a bit sloppy.
jupiter in capricorn — determined, self-assured, motivated. “don’t let your dreams be dreams”. even as a child, he knew he would do something great. on a constant mission to prove people wrong, to prove himself capable, to prove that he’s not someone you should worry about or doubt.
a kind of confidence that could be taken as arrogance, cockiness; seems to think that the universe is on his side. that he’ll succeed just because he wants to, and he’s hwang daesung. he gets what he wants.
works extremely hard to make his dreams come true, but feels uncomfortable either bragging or complaining about his efforts. nonchalance makes him seem a bit naive.
saturn in aries — throws caution to the wind, speaks and acts without thinking. rarely considers consequences; in his case, this can mean something simple like making impulse purchases, or it can mean something like blurting out his thoughts even if they won’t be perceived as friendly/kind.
very, very, very defensive when he’s called out. completely aware that he has flaws, but has trouble accepting criticism from others.
well-suppressed temper until he’s been pushed long enough, capable of being extremely cold. not always justified.
uranus in aquarius — innovative, always seeking excitement, always looking to rock the boat. despite being a public figure, he hates being told what to do. hates being predictable even more. rebellious; usually in harmless ways, but the chaos that he brings can be hard to handle.
neptune in capricorn — interested in maintaining popularity, dreams of a system/world that works for everyone. in other words, wants to be successful, wants success to be easy to attain, wants to be liked. wants everything to be good all the time. unrealistic desires that can lead to disappointment with himself and with the world.
pluto in sagittarius — optimistic. “embrace the unknown, accept the unexpected, live for the hope” kind of mindset. looks for ways to mold inconveniences into advantages. outwardly, this looks like resilience and a pure desire to be happy. won’t let obstacles stand in his way.
overall, “life is the great unknown.” enthusiastic, open-minded, adventurous. the world is big and he wants to see it all. always on the go, always trying to draw laughter from crowds, always looking for little reminders of happiness around him. usually lacks self-control. accused of having peter pan syndrome, aka being afraid to grow up, avoiding responsibility. needs to learn that he can be happy without a constant rush.
𝒉𝒊𝒔 𝒎𝒐𝒖𝒕𝒉 𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒏𝒅 𝒄𝒍𝒐𝒔𝒆𝒔 like a gaping fish, and it settles into a firm line at the memory of his cousin and the ball nearly hurtling towards him. “i might not be here today if it had hit me, this is a serious matter, dae,” he says with absolutely zero conviction as he dramatically places his hands on the table in front of them, giving daesung a level look. “or i could be here, missing a limb. what a life that would be,” jinsol sighs, ending the statement rather dramatically as he scratches at the back of his scalp. going down memory lane is something he doesn’t have the time for anymore. he keeps a journal, but barely writes in it considering half the time after a schedule, he simply drops dead in his bed and passes out. when that will end, well - he shouldn’t have signed up for this sort of life then. of course, there are no regrets. mostly.
he’s glad that daesung shared this place with him. in a way, it felt so intimate and he appreciated it a lot. it’s true- he would never come here alone. it’d probably be a place he reserved only for coming alongside with his friend. smiling as he twiddles his thumbs, he does an all-around glance again before looking back at daesung. “okay, that method of thinking, i can’t say i agree. but i also shouldn’t go in with a defeated attitude, because that’s where the disaster begins.” he’s already expecting to lose here. this reminds him vaguely of when he plays mario kart. he goes in expecting to be last. and he normally is. though it is a nice surprise when he barely makes it into the top 6. he understands these sentiments. “not that bad. i might be able to give you a run for your money, one out of 5 times. maybe if you let me win at least one, i won’t feel so bad, huh?” stage whispering the last part, with words only meant for daesung to hear - as if anyone is listening in on them. it’s private, despite being in a public place and that is the best part.
he takes an obnoxious sip of his drink through the straw, with mostly ice remnants. “yeah, let’s do that! i wonder if they’ll have at least one dance or rhythm game,” not that he’s the best dancer in the world or anything, but it’s a nice time to just relieve stress. “if they have street fighter, i’ll let you play it once. just so you don’t whoop my butt so badly that i won’t ever come back here with you ever again,” he says, the emptiest of all threats. patting the other on the shoulder, he gets up despite not being able to lead the way, waiting to follow in daesung’s footsteps.
as always, amusement comes far, far too easily for daesung. the theatric whisper makes him snicker and even as he responds, there’s laughter stuck beneath his tongue. “i’m feeling a little nicer than usual today, so maybe i’ll even let you win twice,” he offers, index and middle finger held up for emphasis. but if the look on his face is anything to go by, it doesn’t seem like he’ll be allowing any wins out of generosity today. the mischievous side of him is curious about how competitive jinsol can get, what kind of loser (or winner) he is and there’s only one way to find out.
he stands up and pushes the chair he’d been sitting in a little closer to the table, then goes straight towards the arcade section of the building. “i didn’t think you’d care for arcade games, honestly. if i had, i would’ve told you about it sooner.” the floor drops a half-step as it turns from a bowling alley into a game room and a few steps in, daesung spots a trashcan. he drops his empty cup in while he scans the room, searching for something that jinsol might like — he’d mentioned rhythm games, right? he sees street fighter, but chooses to ignore it for now since it hadn’t sounded like it’d be his friend’s cup of tea. finally, he locks in on a few dancerush machines on the other side of the room. bright, flashing, unmissable. luckily enough, no one’s using any of them.
“are you good at dance games? if so, this’ll be a great opportunity to boost your ego before your string of losses starts.” though he isn’t looking at jinsol, he’s grinning all the same. it’s an expression meant to taunt; all in good fun, though. he steps onto the dance pad of one of the machines and after a drawn-out minute of cluelessly fumbling with the controls, he gets multiplayer mode set up — the machine’s linked to the one beside it. “alright. let’s go. you can pick a song first.”
[NEWS] Impulse’s Daesung announced as the new face of Yanolja
Popular hotel booking app Yanolja has announced that they’ve chosen Impulse’s Daesung as the new face of their brand. Yanolja was founded in 2005 and has worked with idols before, including Lipstick’s Hyeju who previously served as the face of their brand. Their new face, Daesung, has been active with Impulse since their debut in 2014.
Yanolja released a new commercial for the remainder of the winter season. The commercial stars Daesung, who dances on ski resort, rooftop, and carnival backgrounds in an eye-catching blue and pink outfit as he sings a jingle about the brand.
This is Daesung’s first contract as a solo ambassador for a brand since debut, though Impulse has previously worked as a group with a number of brands.
COMMENTS
[+539, -11] i only watched the ad twice before i found myself dancing along
[+293, -10] the song is catchy and daesung is handsome
[+110, -14] he’s cute and charming… more brands should use him
[+24, -5] daesung is the only one who could make me watch an ad so many times
with the ever dwelling surge of promotions that were cusping on the horizon for unity, samsoo was trying to enjoy his free time as much as he could before he would be thrust back into the tiring cycle that was the idol industry. it wasn’t that he didn’t enjoy working, or that he was dreading it, in fact it was quite the opposite. he loved recording music with his members and performing the songs they had worked so hard to get down pact. if someone was on the lookout for him, they could always find him doing something music related, which by default could be seen as work related. however he couldn’t deny the fact that he had been enjoying his down time. he got to spend his days with jaewon, doing whatever they pleased. most of their attention had been given to the newest member of their family - a cute little puppy they had adopted sometime that month.
he tried to make sure he spent time with those he cared about too, apart from his boyfriend. he met up with ting a few times a week, visited yul during his promotions, seen his other groups members, had visited hyeju once or twice and now he was spending time with daesung. he had long since finished his helping of ramen and was nursing a bottle of water when he finally spoke up. “i don’t know how you can drink that stuff all the time. don’t you ever crave anything that’s not straight sugar in liquid form?” he asked teasingly, nodding towards the bottle of coke in his friend’s hand. samsoo was much more a water and water person, with the occasional bottle of sprite here and there, but not too often.
“first of all, i wouldn’t want to travel to the basement of antartica, or anywhere in anartica because i can’t stand being cold.” he scrunched up his face, his expression morphing into that of distaste. “and second of all, you need to start expanding your horizons a bit. have you been going on youtube like i’ve told you to? there are a bunch of videos on there about conspiracy theories - fresh and new ones. or you could try browsing through reddit? although that might be.. dicey. reddit can either be your best friend or your worst enemy.” he shrugged his shoulders. “i’ve been big on conspiracy theories centering around different dimensions and alternate universes lately.”
the comment about his choice of drink caught daesung off guard ― the words sounded eerily similar to what his managers so often told him as they pried half-drank bottles from his hands and offered water as a substitute before he sauntered into public. something about how bad it is to drink soda as much as he does, though he never listened. “sure, i do,” he defended, taking a couple seconds to take a big gulp from the bottle to prove some kind of stubborn point. “i like grape soda, too.” not that it was much better. it wasn’t better at all, really, but it offered variety and that had to count for something, right? “i drink plenty of water during promotions, but in my free time... look, samsoo. this is how i see it. the world is full of opportunities. if i’m seen drinking coca-cola nine out of ten times, then that’s a ninety-percent chance that the right person will see me drinking it. if the right person sees me drinking it, then ― boom! brand deal. or free coca-cola for being such an avid fan. you get it? i drink coke for the opportunities that it can bring me. i’m business-minded like that.”
he leaned back in the plastic chair, a grin half-built by pride because of what he perceived as a well-articulated excuse to drink soda, the other half built by amusement and intrigue while he listened to samsoo speak. “i have! i swear i have, it’s just that all of the videos that seem interesting are so long. three minutes in, i’m checking how long i’ve got left ― forty, fifty minutes. can’t stay focused.” a casual shrug ended the statement. “reddit’s cool, though; seems like it’s just a matter of digging deep enough into the right corners. otherwise, it’s a bunch of, like, manipulated movie plots. that’s what it seems like to me. right? or maybe reality mirrors fantasy more than i thought.”
finally, he screwed the top back onto the bottle of coke and set it to the side. evidently unable to stay still, he leaned forward again, hands clasped together on the table. “i’m interested in hearing more about different dimensions, though. i’ve read some stuff, but i want to hear it in your words. the parts that you believe, or at least the parts that interest you.”
you’re everything to me.
trust me, i’ll hold on ‘til the end.
eclipse: meaningful lyrics slapped over a disaster of an instrumental. at least, that’s what daesung thinks — but i guess it’s become clear that he’s pretty picky when it comes to impulse, usually favoring their b-sides. he likes the song on a surface level, but a weight lifted off his shoulders once promotions ended. it’s the kind of song that he becomes sick of really, really quickly, but he can listen to it every once in a while and kind of appreciate it for what it is. overall, it’s one of his least favorite title tracks, but it has one of his favorite choreographies. at least it has that going for it.
moral of the story: hwang daesung is a menace.
(tw: blood, needles mentioned in a brief anecdote in the context of piercings).
his intentions are cloudy, unreadable ―
he’s a boy who smiles so bright that it seems like he’s in a competition with the sun, talks circles around anyone who’ll listen, begging them to show some interest in the smaller parts of his life. but by the time he’s eight years old, teachers are already writing home about how disruptive he is in class, how he cuts them off mid-lesson to inquire about the color of their cheeks. (”he asked if my skin color is a result of high blood pressure,” one teacher writes, not quite angry, but far from amused. “he doesn’t seem to know how to keep his thoughts to himself”.)
it seems like he never learns, either.
his parents tell him not to answer the door if neither of them are home alone. it’s dangerous, they say, and he humors them by pretending to agree, though his personal belief is that the most dangerous thing in the apartment building is the landlord’s tendency to come looking for day-late rent first thing in the morning with un-brushed teeth. (”does our rent buy your toothpaste?” he asks one morning, in the middle of getting ready for school. the landlord doesn’t think it’s funny, and neither does daesung’s mom as she apologizes on his behalf, stalling while she comes up with some excuse as to why they can’t pay yet. but he sees the smile his dad’s trying to hide, and that makes the scolding that comes later feel worthwhile.)
he listens to the radio too loud while he does chores or pretends to do his homework, turns it up even louder when the lady from apartment 308 comes knocking at the door, undoubtedly to tell him to keep it down in there. there comes a day when he finally opens the door, ignoring every warning his parents had so persistently burned into his mind. before she can speak a single word, he takes the chance to say, “my dad told me you’re angry all the time ‘cause you’re going through a mid-life crisis. i thought you’d be older.”
he watches her mouth open, close, open, then close again ― evidently, she doesn’t know what to say. when she speaks, her tone reeks of momentary defeat. “your dad told me that you’re eleven, so i thought you’d have learned how to be respectful by now. i guess we were both wrong.”
“i guess so.” the door shuts, locks. he turns the radio back on, louder.
as emotional intelligence puts roots in his brain, acts of blatant disrespect become less frequent but he’s still difficult to predict, impossible to control. a diagnosis of adhd at age 13 turns out to be half the explanation for his fluctuating energy levels, lack of impulse control and forgetfulness, but the consequences of these symptoms are still attributed to having no manners, no home training. condescension from teachers leads to an inherent disdain for a school system that doesn’t serve him, and it turns into hatred the first time his 8th grade homeroom teacher calls him out for the eyeliner he’s wearing.
“the girls aren’t allowed to wear makeup to school, so what made you believe that it would be okay for you to do so?” he asks right after attendance, staring 14-year old daesung in the eyes. he’s lost somewhere between not caring at all and being on high-alert from the embarrassment of the whole class turning to look at him, at his eyes.
“i didn’t realize that the girls had anything to do with me,” he snaps, smart-ass tone contradicting the nervous cracking of his knuckles. “there’s nothing about makeup in the boys’ dress code. if it’s that big of a deal, maybe it should be updated. let me know when it is.”
it’s a terrible way to start off 8th grade year, results in a series of miniature battles between him and the teacher. back-talking that lands him in the hallway with a stack of textbooks held over his head, though they’re dropped on the ground as soon as he’s not being watched ― he takes time-outs as personal breaks, which is later called defiance though it seems like his teacher has no desire to take daesung’s behavioral issues to anyone higher in the chain. on the occasions that he has gate duty, he always calls daesung out, makes him wait ‘til the gates close, then marks him tardy and makes him run laps first thing in the morning.
fair enough.
daesung’s playing a slow game, though, and he eventually lets his teacher think that he’s won. he stops wearing the eyeliner until finals season comes, and then he packs it on heavy, aiming to be called out. the eyeliner isn’t the surprise, though ― it’s the needle and ring in his pocket, pulled out after he’s done scrubbing his makeup off in the sink.
it’s a move made in an act of immature rebellion, and he knows that the purchase hadn’t been the best use of his accumulated lunch money. even as he leans in closer to the mirror, gets the ring attached to the needle and takes aim, he thinks about how the how-to page he’d read had specifically said not to do this in a dingy bathroom, and here he is ―
what’s the worst that can happen?
one, two, oh, fuck. he’s not expecting the blood, and he’s certainly not expecting to have to push and prod the needle until it finally slips through, and he’s not prepared to have to tug at the ring to get it to come loose from the needle and sit presentably on his lip. by the time he’s done, his eyes are bloodshot from unshed tears. he spits one final time, splashes cold sink water against his teeth and against the piercing to wash away the remnants of red.
it doesn’t turn out to be the power-move he expects it to be, because the school year comes to a close two weeks later and all he’s got to show for it is an infuriated mother, a handful of kids who think he’s lost his mind and a near-infected lip.
it seems to be the last of his raging rebellion ― anger dispels, mischief takes its place. he ends up a trainee under one of the biggest idol companies in the country, and no one fully understands ― not even the other trainees, given the all work and no play expectations shaken by his all play and no work mentality. it feels like all the company employees have his picture and name on some secret list because every time something goes wrong, he’s the first to be questioned. not that he doesn’t deserve it, though; he’s the boy who convinces in-house chefs that yes, he’s supposed to be given bigger portions than everyone else, it’s a health condition. he’s the boy who disrupts practice hours by connecting his phone to blue-tooth speakers. he’s the boy who hides from his responsibilities in narrow, dim corners. he’s the boy everyone expects to drop out, or be kicked out ―
not to be selected for a competition show.
it clears his assumptions that the company has some kind of personal vendetta against him, but it doesn’t make him take the situation more seriously in any way. during his first personal interview, he’s asked, “what do you think you bring to the competition?” and instead of giving an immediate answer, he plays dumb. he doesn’t know why he does it. it’s an impulse, maybe meant to draw time out, make things a little more complicated than they have to be.
“this is a competition?” he questions, and after slowly nodding along to an explanation that he’d already heard an abundance of times, his answer is, “i’m bringing the spirit. i’ll make it fun.”
as the show progresses, the clueless act strengthens ― he’s always asking why, why, why, like a kid on a mission to irritate their parents. criticism sets in, both from instructors and at-home viewers. he hardly cares.
by the time that debut comes, everyone’s made their minds up about him already.
he’s shameless.
he’s dense.
he’s dumb.
he supposes that they’re not wrong, though; there’s certainly something shameless in the way he interrupts and talks over others, on a constant mission to steal the spotlight. it’s too much, he’s told. he’s too much. a reputation that follows him around for years to come, even once he picks some locks and sneaks his way right into the public’s hearts. he’s annoying in an endearing way, and after a bit of trial and error, he learns just the right ways to draw laughter from crowds ― decides that if he can just make people laugh, they’ll learn to love him. if he can bring a little bit of happiness, then the inconveniences that come with his presence will always be forgiven.
it’s this inherent trust in his ability to be forgiven that he continues to push his luck, break rules, let reminders go in one ear and out the other ―
he’s told that dating is discouraged, but dating fans is completely banned. naturally, his first girlfriend is someone he met at a signing. when he gets caught―not by a manager, but by a close friend―his excuse is that he didn’t know because she never explicitly stated that she knew anything about impulse. (a blatant lie, if her profile picture of their logo is anything to go by).
he sweet-talks his manager into letting him use his card for dinner, promises to return it soon ― then goes clubbing instead and buys rounds for the pretty girl who keeps one hand on his knee, then on his shoulder, then around his shoulders; getting closer and closer, then leaving as soon as he stops paying. (i was hungry, he lies, and i wanted something expensive).
he’s reminded well in advance to be prepared for one of impulse’s trips abroad, then waits until twenty minutes before boarding to reveal that he doesn’t know where his passport is. watches chaos unfold, and pulls his passport out of his pocket with five minutes to spare. “i guess i didn’t stick my hand deep enough in my pocket,” he shrugs, howling with laughter during a sprint across the building, convinced that his group and manager’s annoyance with him won’t last.
he’s called out for scratching his head too much, comes across a compilation while sneaking around on stan twitter. he can hear a manager’s voice in the back of his head, telling him he should never post anything that could cause a scandal or address any rumors without consulting the company first. naturally, he spends three hours perfecting an apology letter for having lice ― something that isn’t true, but causes a minor stir all the same.
before he knows it, he’s twenty-four and he’s still too much, always too much. it doesn’t matter how mellow he thinks he’s becoming, the reminders that he needs to grow up seem to be lurking around every corner. he nods along absently, but nothing seems to change, and he only reveals the mature side of him―the part that became an adult long before adulthood hit―in fleeting moments, or when he’s with his closest friends.
in any other situation, he remains hwang daesung, the jester. the menace. the prankster. the inconvenience. whatever nickname is bestowed upon him, he’ll accept; he has no interest in telling people what they should or shouldn’t think of him.
daesung is a believer that everything in your life should reflect something about yourself: your clothes, your accessories, your demeanor, your social circle, your home. naturally, his apartment is as much of a well-planned but poorly-executed mess as he is. he had the best of intentions when he started living on his own, but every month of boredom has contributed to the slow but sure collection of useless things in his space. he doesn’t spend much time at home, so he doesn’t think it’s a big deal. basically living in a storage unit at this point.
daesung’s apartment is a very strong representation of who he is as a person. however... he’s only been moved in since march ‘19 and while that seems like a long enough time to get his shit together, if he had done it on his own, he’d still have boxes everywhere. had the help of professional movers & an interior designer in getting his place set up. (i say “help”... daesung didn’t lift a finger LOL)
lives in a 2 bedroom apartment, really wanted a roommate, but that’s complicated when you’re an idol and none of his friends agreed and he ended up turning the second bedroom into a home studio even tho he’s def not skilled enough to warrant that. he just thought it’d sound cool to tell people “yeah i have a home studio haha” and also what the fuck else was he gonna do with a whole spare room
his studio is usually the neatest part of his home because that’s where he keeps most of his instruments, his record collection and some other music equipment which he keeps surprisingly organized, so that’s also the only room that he tends to show off <3 if he’s doing a livestream, he’s prob chilling in there.
as for the rest of his apartment...
it’s hell
always messy. anyone who has visited his place has definitely walked in and been the embodiment of the “damn bitch, you live like this?” meme, so he simply stopped inviting people over. only his best best best friends can come over now
for the most part, it’s just ‘cause he has such a ridiculous amount of shit. he grew up poor and now that he has money, he buys everything that he wants. everything. this results in him not having anywhere to put his belongings, and he ultimately started mounting things on the walls because he has no other space!!!!! you think the shoe racks, guitars and skateboards hanging from his walls are stylistic decisions but really they’re desperate pleas for floor space.
he has a lot of ~nifty~ repurposed amps around his apartment that serve as cabinets. you can never guess what you’re gonna find in there. jewelry? snacks? dirty laundry? nail polish? childhood pictures? his dog’s chew toys? who knows...
one of them serves as a mug cabinet. why is his mug cabinet in the middle of his living room? idk... don’t ask. most of the time, there aren’t any clean mugs in it. they’re all piled on top with thin layers of coffee that he didn’t finish just chillin in ‘em... marinating.. yk
has a lot of random knick-knacks all over the place. weird antique shit he picked up while shopping on tour, little clown figurines, cute tea-light holders, half-dead plants in hand-painted pots, empty coke and beer cans that he keeps for ~sentimental purposes~ (aka he has his blinders turned on and doesn’t see them anymore)
has two tvs, one in the bedroom and one in the living room. has a collection of gaming systems stored in the hall closet (wii, xbox 360, xbox one, ps2, ps3, ps4). his gaming preferences are constantly changing but rn he likes the ps4 the best so that’s what he has hooked up in the living room. has decided that the living room tv is for gaming and the bedroom tv is for watching movies
artwork everywhere. he’s the type of person who sees empty space and immediately thinks about how he can fill it so he’s constantly adding even MORE stuff to the walls as if they aren’t cramped enough already. has some framed album covers, some movie posters, but mainly it’s like. paintings he picked up while on tour or gifts from fans
every drawer is a junk drawer
has a few randomly-placed lava lamps. does he need a lava lamp in the bathroom? probably not. but he thinks it creates a nice ambience
uses diffusers to scent his apartment. mainly prefers bright/fruity scents for cologne but surprisingly he prefers earthy scents for his home. likes palo santo the most
but imagine palo santo mixed with 3-day old takeout because this man never cooks
overall... his apartment isn’t that bad? probably expected if you already know him & it has potential to be really nice actually, but he NEEDS to start getting rid of the stuff he doesn’t use / doesn’t need anymore.
the clock silently ticks time away, sending telepathic reminders to daesung that it’s getting awfully late and the part-time employee doesn’t get paid nearly enough to have to listen in on his and samsoo’s ridiculous middle-of-the-night conversations for much longer. fuck it, he thinks. the night’s still young and cu is open 24-hours. he pushes the empty container that had once held tteokbokki to the side before twisting the cap off his bottle of coca-cola, takes a few idle sips and then sets the bottle on the table. he keeps the cap between his thumb and forefinger, absently rolling the red plastic instead of using it to seal his drink again. a habit ― something that’s resulted in many, many, many spilt bottles in the past. he’ll be careful this time.
“i think i have too much time on my hands these days,” he sighs, gaze snapping towards the ceiling for a (fake) thought-filled instant before he’s looking at his long-time friend again. “somehow, i’ve come full-circle back to all the fuckin’ alien conspiracies, dude. i mean, don’t get me wrong. it’s not like i hate to think about aliens―“ he cuts himself off for a brief moment to hold his free hand up, flashing his black and neon green alien-themed, self-painted nails. the idea is lost, though, because he drops his hand in the same instant, curls it into a lazy fist again. “―but it’s driving me crazy to have so much information out there and be unable to know if it’s true or not. aliens living in a hidden society under antarctica... sounds so outrageous that it’s believable, right? i mean, have you ever traveled to the basement of antarctica to know if aliens are there or not? no, right?”
these are the thoughts that he can’t share with just anyone unless he wants his air-headed reputation to become even more unbreakable. he knows he sounds crazy. might even sound crazy to samsoo, for all he knows, but he’s confident in the idea that even if he does sound crazy, samsoo’s used to it. accepts it. “have you been caught up on any conspiracies lately? i need something new to think about before my brain turns into a ufo and flies away.”
