echo chamber

i just want to believe that i could be something to someone .................................. byun baekhyun, ● ● ● ●

[otrascars]

not having a place called “home” is quite sad.

Homeless like hopeless

[daexbak]

(≚ᄌ≚)ƶƵ

send me a (≚ᄌ≚)ƶƵ for my character's reaction to yours crawling into bed with them.

Libraries were big and forgiving. Baekhyun could easily get lost in them and he truly appreciated their maze-like vastness. At least it gave him half an hour or so of well-deserved sleep, which had been rare these past few days. Disguised as a hard working student, with books about math and english scattered across the table in front of him, the young man had laid down on the small couch located deep into the library. No one would blame a poor student falling asleep while studying, correct? Or at least he thought so, and that vague cover gave him a legit excuse to doze off. So long as people didn’t know that he was homeless they didn’t get nearly as upset when they found him sleeping in unconventional places, so he had been good at playing charades as of late.

At first there was something indescribable poking his subconsciousness, but then the movement went past his sleep-induced state of unawareness and Baekhyun regretfully opened his eyes to the light of the lamp above him and… what? Rapidly blinking he watched the back of another person carefully laid in front of him on the narrow couch, and for the longest moment he wasn’t all too sure that this was truly happening. Was this really a thing? But it looked real, it felt real too, but more importantly the young adult was cold — as if he had that autumn chill Baekhyun was all too used to suffer through. But then there was that thing about acting. It was such a peculiar situation that he didn’t know how it ought to be tackled, and in times of need he reverted back to himself. If he was cold and (for whatever reason possible) huddled up to another human being, what would he like said person to do? And there’s his answer, whispered into the other's neck.

"Do you want me to warm you up?"

[inboxideas]

send me a (≚ᄌ≚)ƶƵ for my character's reaction to yours crawling into bed with them.

submitted by anonymous.

[adametvl-blog]

You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose. You’re on your own, and you know what you know. And you are the guy who’ll decide where to go.

// ADAM RHEE :: NIGHTCLUB OWNER & PIMP :: metallic to the core

[hmyoungchul-blog]

Riverwalk; Open Thread. Estin/Baekhyun

Sometimes, during the days he falls prey to his loneliness, Estin finds himself ambling along the riverbank, finding company in the fish that wiggle their way through the water and the stream that always engages him in a soft, rumbling conversation. The current of the water was always steady in its movements, granting him with a calmness he couldn’t ever bring himself to feel on his own. The world tended to prod at his anxiety and fears far more often than he liked. The river was his escape, something that could take his mind off of the troubles of not being accepted by the general public for his differences. As he approached the edge of the river, he slowly toed his way out of the sandals he was wearing. The old Estin wouldn’t have been spotting donning sandals out in public, but they made things like this much easier for him. Taking off tennis shoes would be a hassle, and struggling with them unlike a human would serve to upset him further. Instead, he lets his feet easily fall out of them as he walks forward, letting the dirt slip between his toes as he made his way toward the water.

Fall had already begun, but he couldn’t feel it in the air with his eyes wide open. His body was too cold, too undead to feel things the same way he used to in his past years, but allowing himself to take a breather and let his eyes slip shut… he could almost feel once more. He could imagine the frigid waters lapping against his ankles as he let his toes slip under the current, imagine it sending a chill down his spine and goosebumps rising on his skin like a living beings would. It made him almost think that he was alive again as gusts of wind rippled through his hair, sending it into the air as the cold danced along his cheeks and around his eyes. It was a serene moment that always made his heart clench just slightly in his chest, calling for someone to be able to accompany him in it for once. At least just once. 

[daexbak]

Lady luck was fickle as few, but every now and then she decided to make an appearance. Just the other day Baekhyun got the chance to buy a proper sleeping bag for no money at all, and he wasn't late to try it out. Admittedly autumn was chilly, but he was used to the cold. As long as he was properly dressed it wasn't an issue, and so he had spent the beginning of dawn searching for an ideal location. Sleeping outside had always been more refreshing than taking naps in library corners or bathrooms. In the end he had decided on a spot that was seemingly shielded from the wind, behind a rock big enough to hide his whereabouts for passer byers. The last thing he wanted was for someone to stumble upon him when he slept.

Lunchtime was just around the corner when the man awoke by himself, slowly but surely as his body was brought out of the sleep simultaneously. His limbs ached a little due to the cold, and his feet were screaming at him in displeasure, but he still felt more rested than he had done in a long while. Once he managed to open his eyes, albeit halfheartedly, Baekhyun thought he saw something moving by the riverbank. At first he assumed that it was a figment of his drowsy imagination, but once his eyes adjusted to the light he noticed the contours of a human -- and that's when he was hurled into a light state of panic. He didn't want anyone to see him in all his homeless glory and quickly scurried out of the sleeping bag and hurriedly folded it into an unidentifiable lump.

Now what? He contemplated leaving, but then he noticed that the stranger wasn't by the river, he was in the river, and that immediately sparked his interest. Baekhyun had tried to do the exact same thing the early morning that he got there, but just submerging one fingertip into the water was enough to discourage him. Regardless the other looked so peaceful, and that suddenly made him hesitant to leave. He was a lonely soul, and a pinch of curiosity was all he needed to slowly head towards one of the rocks that were partly in the running river. With his bottom lip caught between his teeth the man climbed atop it, and found a balanced position before looking over at the stranger. "Isn't it cold?"

[daexbak]

          who we [  are  ]

                    & who we need to be to SURVIVE——

                                                          are two very different people .

[dirty-kahi]

Red Queen

[dirty-kahi]

As he came closer to her desk, Kahi’s eyes never once left his own, the smile on her face even growing a bit. “Ah, but you’re definitely cuter than our last dealer. Maybe I should do this business more often.” A light laugh followed her words along with her sitting back in her chair and crossing her legs in the opposite direction. If he was intimidated, she wasn’t aware of it. Then again, she wasn’t who was supposed to be seen doing the transaction, but it would give her something to do. New experiences and all that.

When the question of payment was brought up, her eyes flicked to the drugs and she frowned for the first time since he entered the room. Surely, this wasn’t it. There had to be more of it, especially given how many people it was going to be distributed to. However, she sighed and let the matter go. Distribution wasn’t her department either, so why bother with the minor details? “What makes you do something as shady as this? There’s more for you to do right? School or something.” He did not look very old, but he was right; he was not the youngest she had seen. “Won’t you tell me?” The inquired sweetly while she stood from her chair and walked to the front of the desk, perching herself on top of it quite calmly.

Her eyes watched him still, waiting for an answer while one of her hands slide across the smooth, oak surface and pushed a button on the intercom system. “Bring my bag, please.” A few moments later, the door was pushed open and in walked two very large men, one of which held a small backpack in his hand. Nodding her head towards Baekhyun, the man gave Kahi a questioning look to which she only stared at him for it. She really didn’t want to raise a scene in front of the young man, at least not so early in their business relationship. When Kahi had yet to blink, the man handed the bag to Baekhyun, it being quite heavy for something its size.

"You don’t have to leave just yet, right? I like to get to know my suppliers. For instance, a name to match the face would be helpful."

[daexbak]

"That's not a hard feat to pull off" he mused with the tiniest hint of a grin lingering at the corner of his lips. Throughout the year he had been taught that humor, unless it directly affected the client, was an easy way to be remembered and help make future transactions smooth. And Baekhyun had to do everything he could to make this work as easy as possible for him, otherwise he'd go insane knowing how many lives he wrecked by distribution drugs the way he did. But then again, it was either this or death, so who was he to complain.

He always dreaded those questions that made it so painfully obvious that he wasn't supposed to do this, and while the woman approached him he took his sweet time trying to decide what answer he would pull out of his ass this time. "Money" he soon stated matter-of-factly when she perched herself upon the desk, far too close for someone who generally struggled with people invading his personal space. But he tried to ignore it and not let it show. "Does anyone do anything if it isn't for money anymore?" Baekhyun was surprised by how cynical he sounded, but even more so that he had come to believe his bullshit more now than he did before. And that would admittedly be the story he'd stick to in this case.

When the men entered the room he could feel himself mentally shriveling up inside, all because of their sheer size. But he didn't budge when one of them came closer and silently accepted the bag. He had prepared for something much lighter and almost did the cliché thing where he dropped it too the ground because he underestimated its weight, but he toughed through it regardless and, seemingly effortlessly, let his arm slide to his side before he put it down. In return he heaved his own bag up onto the counter, as some sort of meek barrier between the two. Then he reached to put the small bag of drugs back into the bag and nudged it towards her. What he had shown had only been a sample.

Baekhyun truthfully wasn't used to small talk like this, and her request for him to stay surprised him -- but for once it wasn't an unpleasant surprise. Actually, it made him feel a bit less alienated. "No, of course not. I've got time." With that said he took the few steps necessary to sit down on the chair in front of the desk instead, without really awaiting any permission. But if they were to talk, he wasn't interested in idly standing around. That would only make him more nervous. "It's Baek, by the way -- my name." While the memory was very vague, he did remember this place and this particular procedure, but not her. So he decided to go out on a limb to not be left hanging with unnecessary silence. "You're not usually the one to receive the drugs, are you?"

[daexbak]

75, 81.

75. What’s the sweetest thing anyone’s ever done for you?

I still went to school when this happened, and I was terribly sick. In fact I couldn’t even leave the bed. Anyway, a classmate noticed that I had been away for quite some time and actually came to check up on me out of the blue. That in itself was sweet enough, but when he heard how long I had been bedridden he carried me all the way down to his car, tucked me in and took me for a ride. This was during Christmas, so thanks to him I got to see the city in all its Christmasy glory. I think that’s the sweetest thing anyone has ever done for me.

81. Who are five people you find attractive?

Five people? I think you’re overestimating me here. I know tons of beautiful people, but it takes quite a lot for me to find someone attractive, you know? {`chuckles sheepishly } To me it’s a pretty personal thing, attractiveness that is. But Subin though, she’s very attractive in my eyes.

[ky-ngsoo]

put your tongue away byun

[daexbak]

dvsfctionl (/approaching a stranger like this would be rather.. creepy, or so he thought. patch saw someone on the street and even if it was not halloween, the taller made sure to buy a big supply of sweets — he himself ate some at times, when bored. the male looked a little sad and he frowned, approaching him.)

               You okay, buddy? You seem really                down and I figured maybe this will                help?

(/with a soft smile, he reaches for the male’s hands, slowly sliding a handful of sweets into his palm. patch flashed a small and soft smile, hoping the other would feel better after this— he really hoped this would help, somehow.)

               Sweets make me and everyone happy!                Hope they work with you, too. Being sad                is not cool, so chin up, hm?

Maybe the world had fucked him up one too many times, or maybe he spent too many hours on the job, but the stranger's approach got him cautious. Not unsettled, per se, but wary of his intentions. Regardless Baekhyun let him do as he pleased with his hands and, truth to be told, he had expected whatever kind of drug to land into his palm. That's what they did, after all. They got people hooked in a seemingly harmless manner only to milk them on everything they've got once the drugs got them addicted. He had been forced to do it, too, so he knew the psychology behind it all -- and more importantly how common it was.

So needless to say it was quite a surprise when he saw the candy upon glancing down, and that's when his somewhat reserved frown softened into something much more appeasing. It didn't take long for a timid, yet wide smile to bloom across his lips, and he had to look up at the stranger as if to confirm that this was actually happening, all while listening to him talk. Baekhyun felt genuinely touched, and the other's generosity and unprovoked kindness had a lump form in his throat. He hadn't had a single piece of candy in over six months simply because he couldn't afford it, so this was like an early birthday present and he'd live on the joy alone for the rest of the year.

But he wouldn't let himself break into tears in front of a stranger, that wouldn't only be embarrassing, but he would release the kraken in the process and god knows when he'd be able to stop. So instead he put on a fuller smile, cupped his hands protectively around the candy that he had been given and bowed his head in a small physical gesture of his gratitude. "Thank you, I really needed this today." He glanced down at the candy, and then up at the taller man yet again. A part of him wanted to just gush over how incredibly kind this was and how heavily it impacted him, but at the same time that was a no-go. Unloading his burdens on someone else was something he'd rather shoot himself in the foot than willingly do. "You're really kind, you know that? What's your name? For me to remember you by."

[daexbak]

stay high

Baekhyun didn't know what, or where, he'd be without her. Just these small things like treating him to lunch when he was barely getting by or, like tonight, letting him sleep at her place when the gym was too crowded meant the world to him. So long as he had her, it didn't feel like he was lacking a home despite being homeless -- and that was nice. Knowing that he had Subin by his side made it much easier to deal with all the hardships that were thrown at him. But the best feeling of all was that it was mutual. She needed him as much as he needed her, and that gave him purpose in life.

As soon as he had pocketed his phone he left the gym, put the hood over his head and got on the bus. The ride itself, albeit being just ten minutes long, almost had him dozing off. But he was aware enough to know when it was his time to get off and did so accordingly, quite quickly finding himself in front of her apartment complex and, in a few seconds, outside her door. He was as hungry as he was tired, and he had missed her equally so, and that's why he rapped his knuckles against her door to announce his presence as soon as physically possible. svbeen

[daexbak]

[text] I feel great then [text] You guys are so old ahah! [text] He's a german sheprador, we can meet at the park near the river

[ ✉ what’s updog ] pfft, more like you’re so young, kid.

[ ✉ what’s updog ] oooh, like a shepherd/labrador mix? that sounds adorable.

[ ✉ what’s updog ] that sounds good. are you free now?

[larmoyante]

It hurts until it doesn’t. You think it’s going to break you, but it won’t. You may not sleep as well at night, but you will be fine. Numb, but numb and fine are the same.

Scandal 

[evphric]

❝ Ｄｏｎ'ｔ ｗｏｒｒｙ.. ❞ - Colton & Baekhyun

    〈 ♞ 〉 -  No one prepares you properly for the task of giving the news of a loved ones untimely death and for Colton, this was no exception. He was compassionate, but detaching himself from his emotions in the moment when news had to be given to a patients family was of the utmost importance. They don’t prepare you for the emotional toll the medical field deals you. How it can warp your sense of hope and wonder into something darker.. less beautiful. Mind you, the path to becoming a coroner was no easier than that of a surgeon. Being in the autopsy room when a family is tasked with positively identifying a loved one could tear your sense of serenity in two. Medical school, it prepares you for the possibilities, but it doesn’t give you the strength to do handle them.

    〈 ♞ 〉 -  In medicine, it was far too similar. Colton’s know-how on new found drugs that could help those who truly needed it always gave him a boost of confidence when he was approached by people for information, but one particular instance set him for a whirlwind. A young man, no more than a few years younger than himself approached him outside of the Seoul National University campus. His appearance somewhat disheveled, but that was even typical of most college students. The question being asked by the much shorter male was one that made the pit of Colton’s stomach twist and knot. 

"I’ve heard you’re the one to go to about clinical trials? New drugs and treatments for patients with life threatening diseases.? Do you know of any for people dealing with HIV?" He seemed nervous, and that made Colton nervous as well. To cut the tension, Colton asked for the strangers name and at first, the stranger hesitated, lifting his hands to his face to rub at the smooth surface out of distrust but never-the-less he gave his name, Baekhyun.

"Don’t worry," Colton spoke softly, "I can help."

[daexbak]

Despite his young age, Baekhyun had tried a plethora of different drugs and treatments throughout the seven years that he had been burdened with the diagnose. Needless to say it had been a roller coaster unlike any other, but worst had always been the side effects. One drug completely killed his short-term memory, and being compared to a goldfish was only amusing the first time. Another one made him so fatigued that he could barely get out of bed in the morning, let alone deal with whatever the day threw at him. A third had him suffer through horrible cases of diarrhea, nausea and vomiting. One caused severe dizziness and headaches, another brought insomnia with it. The latest had caused weird skin rashes that he had done all he could to hide. Luckily they were gone now.

But it was the side effects to the current drug he was taking that genuinely scared him. He had only experienced it for a few weeks, but the pain was no joke. Baekhyun had talked with a lot of older people that were HIV-possible, and they described the same nerve problems that he was currently experiencing, especially in his feet. But what really jarred him were the stories of how this caused permanent damage. One person told him how she never regained the feeling in her feet again, and that was enough to hurl him into a never-ending state of panic. In pure desperation he had begged for a month's supply of the drug that caused insomnia just to temporarily protect his body, and the inability to sleep wouldn't really interfere with his work like all the other side effects did. Where there's a will there's a way, right?

But that was only a temporary solution, which he was well aware of. That's why he approached the man after spending a whole day gathering up the necessary courage to do so. Baekhyun knew that he had to try a new drug altogether, and hopefully that specific drug would have more bearable side effects compared to those he had tried up until now. Nevertheless it was hard to actually get it said, but once it was done there was this strange relief that he had gotten it off of his chest after weeks of stressing over it. Now he was taking one tiny step in the (hopefully) right direction, and when the other told him that he could help a huge burden was removed from his shoulders.

"Thank you." He made sure to get the most important thing out first, which was his gratitude. Baekhyun took a deep breath, as if to collect his nerves, before placing one hand over the opposite elbow in a meek sense of comfort. "I've experienced some alarming side effects as of late, and I'm not all too happy about switching back to the drugs I used in the past. So..." He cleared his throat and genuinely found it hard to talk about without averting his gaze. Admittedly he never really spoke about his disease unless he had to, and there was still this sense of guilt connected to it that he had yet to get rid of. "So someone recommended that I talked to you."

[daexbak]

[text] Oh yeah that, I'm sorry [text] Jongin, 21 hello! [text] You?

[ ✉ what's updog ] oh, so you’re younger than me.

[ ✉ what's updog ] baekhyun, 22, hi there!

[ ✉ what's updog ] if we’re actually doing this i’d be more comfortable with meeting in a park or something, haha.

[ ✉ what's updog ] what breed is it, btw?

[daexbak]

[text] You're free to come visit him whenever you feel like it actually!

[ ✉ unknown ] … that’s so tempting.

[ ✉ unknown ] what’s your name, tho? and how old are you?

[ ✉ unknown ] better safe than sorry, y’know.

[daexbak]

[text] You're seriously making me jealous even if I have a puppy of my own.

[ ✉ unknown ] !!! ; A ;

[ ✉ unknown ] you have a puppy? now i’m jealous.

[ ✉ unknown ] i’ve always wanted a dog, but i can’t because of my current living conditions.

[ ✉ unknown ] i bet it’s super cute, too.