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If you’re ever feeling down just think back to how great it felt the last time you pooped after being constipated for AGES and realise if you can feel that good about literal shit you can feel that good about anything!

Explaining the world to someone with amnesia is like talking to a time traveller from the 90’s

#90s #time travel #time traveller #she says whats a hashtag #amnesia #memory loss

Dear people with a penis,

When you are in the company of others please stop adjusting your penis. It makes the other people in the room uncomfortable and if you’re having a conversation with someone it makes it REALLY hard for them to maintain eye contact. I get that a penis is uncomfortable. Boobs aren’t exactly a pillow to wear(although they are a pillow to rest on). But even if I snap an underwire and am stabbing myself in the chest every time I move or even breathe I still won’t shove my hand down my bra until a time when I am alone or I am in company that I can do that with and know it won’t make them uncomfortable.

Sincerely, an awkward person with boobs

#penis #awkward #boobs #bras #uncomfortable #stabby stabby #the betrayal of a bra #others find this equally as awkward as me right #late night confessions

My brain decided now was a good time to remind me of that time when I stood up in an audition room to introduce myself and instead of being a normal human I said 'hi, I'm anxious'

#anxiety #audition #audition nerves #3am thoughts #why brain #I wish to opt out of this feature

#dick #dicks #Richard #penis #penisnicknames #autocorrectfails #bigpenis #nameyourpenis #howevendohashtagswork #amidoingthisright

Why don’t makeup containers come with a space to write the date they were opened? We probably would still use that 3 year old lipstick but at least we’d know when it should be thrown out

#latenightthoughts #makeup #bestbeforedate #howoldismylipstick #seriously though