it's called modern art

you wouldn't understand, dad

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‘Moonlight’

According to the artist of this piece, it is meant to be a goddess of moonlight, although you can see that in the beginning idea of this piece it clearly becomes lost quickly as more ‘details’ got added. There is nothing more to say on this.

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‘The Carver’

The desired effect of this piece has long since been lost over the years but the best explanation viewers have had for this piece is the ghost of a child, come for revenge. Revenge on what? Who knows, but we can all agree this child is ugly.

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“L'inventeur du Sexe“

The man behind the mystery. The mystery behind the man. This piece is a dizzying self-portrait created by the dashingly unfamous CEO of Sex. Often kept behind walls, this frustrating face is the source of many colorful and disturbing Latin catchphrases such as “sexus non est verum”, “Transierunt Gas et braccas et reddunt i in euadit”, and most famously “non pigebit me ire manducare stercore”

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A piece depicting a creature from the depths, meant only to be seen in the moments before death. How someone was able to capture an image of it is unknown, but many have said they feel the canvas staring at them.

Overall 2/10 piece, shouldn't be a part of the collection.

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Stupid Stupid Bad.

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Research implies that this unknown artist lived a short life, with her illustrations filled with many depictions of what she only labelled “Inspiration.” The depictions vary in their combinations of ideas, although the precise shade of burnt orange seems to be a constant.

Many have speculated on whether this “Inspiration” is a person or merely an idea that refused to leave the artist's mind, but an answer has yet to be found.

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“Un Oeil Gars, Tombé en Morceaux“

i have seen this face before, i am sure of it. this is not a good thing. it mocks me. it has no chin. it disgusts me. how could this happen? it feels so deconstructed yet whole, much like my soul feels as I gaze upon it. It alright, me guess.

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“The Hunter” and “The Magician”

These two pieces were created by rival artists in the late 15th century. The reason for the creation of these pieces is unknown, but their chilling visages will remain imprinted in our minds for eternity. 

Orion is a prominent constellation located on the celestial equator and visible throughout the world. It is one of the most conspicuous and recognizable constellations in the night sky. It was named after Orion, a hunter in Greek mythology. Both of these images, however are terrifying and bone-chilling and should not be seen by anyone ever.

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I found this piece initially reflected in the grimy tea leaves leftover from the drink Mrs. Bisset offered me last February. Since then, roughly biweekly, it appears to me. It’s colors vary, as do the aimlessness of it’s lines, though despite the occasional wandering scribble as if the illustrator drifted off midway through stroke, the visage never fades in it’s sickening familiarity. Last Tuesday I found it clearly printed for the first time on canvas. It was beneath my coffee table.

I cannot locate the eyes, but I fear it’s looking at me. I would like it to stop, but every time I pray, I catch it again in my periphery. The TV static.The shapes in the popcorn ceiling. The weathered crow’s feet that adorn Mrs. Bisset’s eyes.

I do not know what this piece means. I would not like to. In the absence of the ability to properly credit this work, I have decided to title it “Dieu M'aide Maintenant”.

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“Future Man”

This piece was commissioned  in 1945 by the American Dental Association to scare small children into brushing their teeth. It was not effective, as the piece has nothing to do with the topic at all. Critics harshly besmirched the work of the artist, Henry Wadsworth Waddupbichés.

Wadsworth Waddupbicés is now highly regarded in the Philosophical Homeowners Association as one of the top 523rd most valuable freeform stoner artists of our time. Follow your dreams, kids.

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"Gotta Go Fast or Changling"

It seems that although there was a singular idea meant to take the forefront, like with many art pieces, it is subject to interpretation. It seems even in the naming process this artist couldn't decide what ultimate idea they wanted to present and thus chose this clever reference. It's a piece that requires an acquired taste however.

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A drawing that accompanied the following Italian poem by F. DeMarich:

Melanie, la ragazza con la faccia rotta. Due occhi a parte. Il naso, in frantumi. La bocca si conficcò di lato. La ragazza più bella del mondo per me. Così cara e dolce, non oso contestare. Per Melanie, la ragazza con la faccia di bambola di porcellana fratturata. Mi sono solo cagato i pantaloni.

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“J'utilise un Traducteur en Ligne,“ or, in English, “Diederik,” is a piece of abstraction dabbling in the existential. It was created by the late artist  Meriwether Palmer, who was regarded and looked back upon by friends and family kindly, and considered by some one 51st of the Radical Right-Wing Dirk Apologist Party Hivemind. We thank Mr. Palmer for his service, and he will be Missed.

In 1943, a journal was retrieved from the rediscovered cellar of his apartment, containing notes on this piece and many others. He fondly recalled the making process, scrawling, “I see this piece sometimes, in the night. When I awake, it’s never there. It’s been so long. So long.”

It is a very alcoholic piece with brittle, yet yielding undertones, and it leaves me with a feeling of nostalgia and deep terror.

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"They Massacred My Boy"

Seemingly an attempted collection of squares that somehow got lost in translation. Although it resembles an idea there is much to be desired in this piece

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“Eeb or whateva”

This saultry little binch is actually the titular character of the 2000-something rpg horrer game “Ib” and she is 8 years old and has a neck the size of kansas. i am so frightened please call the policec

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“Maybe Jade”

This line shaped vaguely like a face pairs very nicely with  TABLAS CREEK VINEYARD ESPRIT DE TABLAS BLANC 2015 grape juice with an oaky undertone

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“La Vee in Rose”

This is the popular character Rose Homestuck, from Homestuck. This drawing, in the wise words of the  radical right-wing dirk apologist party, this drawing “ it's saying nothing but the lines look so intentional “ wow what a guy