The Daily Divergent

American ★ they/them ★ 25 A silly little daily newsletter for neurodivergent minds. https://dailydivergent.substack.com

[dailydivergent]

can you elaborate some more on breaks? what is a break? like how long is it, and how many do you take in a day? im curious what your typical day plan looks like, where would the “break” blocks go and for how long, vs “work” blocks. im into daily planning but i always fail to account for taking mindful breaks

Amazing question—and the answer, of course, is different for everyone.

But I'll try to answer as efficiently as possible.

A break is any moment you take to recollect your thoughts, energy, or focus.

Yes, it's nice to have intentional breaks built into your schedule, but if you're neurodivergent, then it's most likely going to have to be intuitive.

Intuitive meaning depending on how you're feeling in the moment.

It's practically impossible to know if something is going to tire you out after 30 minutes or an hour on this upcoming Friday, you know? We just don't have that kind of foresight.

So, really, building in breaks into your schedule means not packing your day with a bunch of things do to.

For me, it usually means only timeblocking half the day with stuff to do, so that I can be sure everything will get done.

Personally, I don't include chores into my time blocks, but you can if you want to.

Personally, I do include my morning routine and nightly routine into my calendar, but not each individual task. It just gets one timeblock called "morning/nightly routine" with the task list as the description.

Throughout my day, I take breaks every 45 minutes or so—even if it's just to stop looking at the computer screen and think for a second.

Usually, though, I recommend getting up (if you can), drinking some water, and maybe doing a quick stretch/head roll/stim to release some excess energy.

It's all about knowing when you're hitting a wall.

That's when to take a break.

When you decide to come back is based on:

Your mental health in the moment (do not push yourself if you're about to breakdown, no matter how important the thing is)

How much time you have in the day/hour (think timed items like tests or a work deadline)

What needs to be done today vs. what can wait (most things can wait, actually)

Which are all individual skills in and of themselves.

Taking breaks in a world that doesn't support neurodivergent minds is a complex problem, because there are multiple layers to sort through.

Give yourself the time (years), space (hour-by-hour), and grace (all the time) to figure it out.

Remember: Learning how to live takes a lifetime.

[dailydivergent]

Neurodivergent reminder: Overstimulation feels a lot like anxiety, and understimulation feels a lot like depression.

More importantly, you don't need to know which it is to practice self-care.

Self-caring anxiety and overstimulation looks the same:

Recognize you're feeling big feelings

Take as many deep breaths as your need to slow your mind

Identify what’s causing the feeling, whether sensory, environmental, or situational

Minimize that cause as much as possible immediately

Self-caring depression and understimulation looks the same:

Recognize you’re in need of stimulation

Turn on an interesting long-form video of some kind

Do some quick exercise like a walk or jumping jacks

Call a friend that'll let you infodump

If you're neurodivergent and easily get stuck on labelling things — I see you.

I'm here to remind you that you don't need to know what it is to take care of it in the meantime.

You can — will — figure it out later.

[dailydivergent]

Change your beliefs, change your life.

I recently started doing something that feels really dumb at first, but... it's totally changing the way I view myself, y'all.

It's called Belief Work and basically, it's taking your old shitty beliefs and turning them on their head 100%.

So instead of "I will never make it," I now tell myself intentionally "I will definitely make it."

The process is simple:

List out all the negative beliefs you have about yourself, whether about work, relationships, money, life, etc.

On a second sheet, list the exact opposite belief.

These are your new sets of beliefs. Repeat them as often as you can remember, preferably once per day.

I KNOW IT SOUNDS LIKE BULLSHIT BUT I PROMISE YOU IT'S WORKING FOR ME SO MAYBE IT'LL WORK FOR YOU???

[dailydivergent]

If you're neurodivergent, taking a break literally requires planning.

This is because we often don't give notice to how much work we actually do in a day, because what constitutes as "work" for us is not "work" for others.

It requires me work to:

walk the dog

make a meal

shower

write a tumblr post

So of course taking breaks is going to require some work, too.

Here's how I've learned to plan for my breaks:

I give worry a time & place; this allows me to say, "now's not the time to worry" once I'm on break.

I accept all work as work (mentioned above)

I focus on doing the top 3 tasks in a day, not all of it; this combats the feeling that I need to do something to "deserve a break" (total bs, btw)

I listen to my body; it's not up to me to decide when it's "time" for a break

I have fun projects within my hobbies; this gives me a focus for my breaks, so I'm not spending time deciding what to do during my breaks

I know it seems convoluted now, but I promise you, this kind of forward planning for my breaks has allowed me to actually rest when it's time to rest.

I can finally rest on a daily and weekly basis without constantly solving problems in my head, ruminating on past conversations, or worrying about the future, because I gave worry a time & place.

I can accept that I do deserve a break every single day no matter what I actually accomplished, because I accepted everything as work, focused on my top 3, and listened to my body when it said it's time.

I can look forward to what I spend my breaks on, because I took the time to plan fun projects with other people, which holds me accountable to doing those things with my friends.

It took me a long time to get here, but I hope this post speeds up your process—even if just a little bit.

[dailydivergent]

Representation is so hard because representation is a responsibility.

It is tricky. It is time-consuming. It is emotionally-demanding.

Because the same is true to not being represented.

It’s tricky to express your discontent about not being represented enough. It’s time-consuming trying to explain to people why it matters so much to you. It’s emotionally-demanding to always be the person on the representation soapbox.

But the people who deserve representation do the work anyways, because it’s a responsibility to themselves, their ancestors, and their future generations.

[dailydivergent]

This is your much-needed reminder to take transitions seriously. As a neurodivergent person, you need much more time to switch between tasks and activities. It's not just important that you take your time, it's imperative for you to be able to keep going. Just like an athlete gets benched when they get injured, neurodivergent people get extra time to switch tasks, start something new, go out, or wrap up whatever you're doing. Take transitions seriously, or they'll seriously affect your health.

[dailydivergent]

Literally the only difference between someone thinking I'm lazy & unmotivated vs. someone thinking I'm highly ambitious & focused is if they understand ADHD or not.

[50stressballs]

Dude for real though your worth as a human being is not dependent on how productive or “useful” you are. You could do nothing but lay in bed all today and you’d still be worthy of respect and care. Bro you are a living breathing human being and your life has inherent value. Like straight up you don’t have to do something impossible or world changing with your time on earth in order for you to matter. We are all specks of dust in the cosmos and the fact that you exist at all means you are important. Dude you don’t have to earn the right to live bro, like I swear bro, like no cap.

[dailydivergent]

“Be the same person to everyone.” is bad advice.

There, I said it.

It’s not bad in intent—just bad in execution by an autistic person.

I cannot "be the same person to every single person!" and be successful in socializing.

I cannot be as friendly as I am with my friends with a potential sales lead, because that would be weird on many levels.

I cannot be as surface-level as I am with cashiers as I am with friends, because that would be weird on many levels. (Or worse, my friends would think I’m mad at them.)

When you tell autistic people to "be the same person to everyone" in their life, they will take you literally like I did.

And the result of that little experiment was:

strangers thinking I couldn’t hold my shit together

acquaintances distancing themselves from me

friends feeling disconnected from me

partners not knowing what I needed

The result of this advice, for me, was never changing my approach to communicating.

Which is a really fucking bad idea.

The Real Advice Is To Change Your “How”

The problem with the advice, “Be the same person to everyone,” is that it doesn’t account for how much goes into being a person.

There’s not just the Who, What, Why, and Where—there’s a How that’s part of you, as well.

I think this advice is recommending to keep the Ws the same:

Who are you? Why?

Who do you like? Why?

Where do you live? Why?

What are you interested in? Why?

What are you trying to do with your life? Why?

But the how is what they forget to account for:

How you communicate

How you present yourself

How you act around others

that is what needs to change, if you can afford the energy.

Social success is dependent on your ability to be malleable to different expectations of you depending on the context.

[dailydivergent]

I really hate people who say, “Just be kind! It’s easy!”

As if humans aren’t hardwired to seek out negativity for survival.

Sigh.

If you struggle to see the good in things—you’re not alone.

Negativity bias is inherent in every human, and, if we really got down to it, I think we’d all agree it’s much easier to be an asshole.

Not that that’s something to look up to, but to not care about anybody?

To focus only on what moves you forward?

That’s easy livin’.

I’d know because I was that person for a long time…

And it landed me in a dark, lonely pit of disconnection from reality & the outside world.

Easy livin’ left me livin’ in my head.

[dailydivergent]

ADHDers—you're vulnerable to addiction.

And addictions aren't just substances.

You can be addicted to:

people

relationships

emotions

stress

food

control

oversleeping

work

the gym

gaming

self-improvement

This post isn't a scare-post, though.

If you are aware of where you're vulnerable, you can put extra measures in place to keep you safe.

Managing addiction looks like:

giving yourself time limits for certain activities

noticing once an activity becomes draining (not fulfilling)

journaling your day-to-day so you can start to notice patterns

talking with friends about the activities you think might be taking up too much of your mind or time

With support, you can do anything!

I believe in you.

Follow for more if you need a little extra peer support :)

[dailydivergent]

My Everyday Sensory Kit

I like to think I'm a pretty incognito neurodivergent person, though I'm definitely not trying to hide it.

I just think my neurodivergence isn't everything I bring to the table — but only when I take care of my neurodivergence first.

That's the Catch-22:

My neurodivergence is everything until it's taken care of.

So here's how I take care of my sensory sensitivities so that neurodivergence doesn't become my entire life.

1. Noise-Cancelling Headphones (Headgear)

At a whopping $250, my Sony WHMX4s are absolute life-savers.

I use my headgear turned off most of the time.

Yes, they double as headphones, but their primary use is keeping my sensory world calm even when the world around me is noisy and chaotic.

2. Water Bottle

My water bottle doubles as sensory gear, because it gives me something to hold onto.

Having a water bottle is acceptable is every circumstance, so my hands always have something to do.

When you’re fidgety like me, something to hold onto can be incredibly grounding.

3. My Meds!

I hope this one is obvious, but here’s what my meds help with:

mood swings

negativity bias

suicidal ideation

sleep regularity

setting routines

focus

They help a lot, to say the least.

4. Weed

I placed weed in a different category to make a point, but it technically falls under “my meds” for me, because it helps with everything I mentioned in meds.

5. Stim Toys

I keep toys on-hand pretty much 24/7.

Some would call it childish, but those people don’t understand the purpose:

Stim toys help me stop biting my nails, bouncing my legs, and looking anywhere but the person speaking.

6. Nintendo Switch

Speaking of toys, let’s talk about real toys: My Nintendo Switch.

My Switch is in my sensory kit because I use it to escape and calm down in stressful environments.

Even in the midst of a busy airport, if I have my headphones + Minecraft, I can be peaceful.

7. Hoodies

Hoodies keep my arms warm and shape boxy.

It’s hard to identify if I’m a girl or a boy in a large hoodie—which is exactly what I like.

They’re part of my sensory kit because hoods actually help my hearing sensitivity, and they double as great sun shields.

I'd love to know what's in your sensory kit!

[dailydivergent]

You aren't selfish for needing time alone.

Selfishness comes from a place of not wanting to do things for others.

It's an active feeling—not an action.

Selfishness is a pattern of self-centered decisions.

It must repeat to be true selfishness—not an individual "no thanks."

Self-preservation comes from a place of needing to help yourself.

Selfish people do not need help because they always give it to themselves.

Selfless people, however, never seem to have enough help.

Self-preservation varies day-by-day based on your needs.

Self-preservation isn’t really a pattern.

It’s not predictable or ready-made, even with a solid routine.

Neurodivergent people aren't fucking selfish.

We just need way more self-preservation than you're used to.

[dailydivergent]

There’s no such thing as work-life balance for neurodivergent & chronically ill people.

This is because everything in my life requires work:

maintaining friendships

keeping up with my hygiene

managing bills

making money

remembering my basic needs

sleeping regularly

outputting creatively

All requires some aspect of work for me.

And when everything in your life requires work, your balance goes out the window.

If you're neurodivergent and overwhelmed — I see you.

If you're chronically ill and overwhelmed — I see you.

You're not dysfunctional.

You're not incapable.

You're doing your best.

[bisexualseraphim]

You know what, fuck it. Let’s show some love for the “unpleasant” autistics.

For the autistics who are always accused of being angry or moody when all they’re doing is sitting there.

For the autistics who take everything literally and respond sincerely.

For the autistics who come across as “blunt” or “rude” for being honest.

For the autistics who are called “control freaks” for needing a sense of order and routine.

For the autistics who get told to shut up for infodumping about uncomfortable topics.

For the autistics who find it too exhausting to mask and pretend to be sunny and friendly.

“Unpleasant” autistics, I love you.

[dailydivergent]

I really needed this today.

If you do, too, I love you.

[dailydivergent]

Repeat After Me: New Needs Come With New Diagnoses

Thanks to my recently discovered AuDHD (autism + ADHD), I’ve finally given myself the permission to slow down with life.

It’s allowed me the chance to discover who I really am—and that’s not someone who wants limelight or a rat race.

Instead, I need:

a 24-hour notice before plans

72 hours to respond to emails

healthy relationships to express anger

friends willing to let me fuck up

social time with 1 friend each week (just 1)

multiple mini breaks throughout the day (no matter what I'm doing)

What have you discovered you need post-diagnosis?

I wanna see how long we can make this list ~

[dailydivergent]

I know these are cheesy to post, but I need more practice celebrating my mini milestones.

So thank you for being here, and for liking my work <3