Daily Dose of Shan

Let’s talk about it!

[dailydoseofshan]

June

Hello again lovely people. I’ve been sitting in my room attempting to write about various different topics that are important to me, as a woman and also just as a person in general. With everything that has been going on, I don’t feel that it would be appropriate for me to bring attention to any other subject other than the topic that has been weighing so heavily on my heart and the hearts of so many others.

I’m sure I do not have to tell anyone about the disgusting and terrifying acts of injustice that have taken place recently and are so prevalent in our world today.

First, I want to start by saying that I will never understand what black men and women go through. When I say “I feel lost, terrified, defeated, frustrated, and disgusted” with all of these racial injustices, I know I do not feel these feelings anywhere near as intensely as the black community does because I haven’t lived it first hand. But I do know I’m human and want to give all of my support to these other humans. All I can do is speak out and let it be known that everything I say is coming from a place of nothing but love and support for the black community. I also want to make it clear that I’m so open to listen, learn, and help in any way that I can.

Being a white person, I know that it is the responsibility of myself and all others to use our privilege to speak up and make a difference. It’s disgusting to me that at any time in the past, and especially right now in 2020, that white people are given this unspoken privilege over others from the day they’re born. I know some people are less likely to lock their car doors when I walk past them. I know some people are less likely to think I’ve committed a crime when I’m walking home in the dark or in broad daylight. I know some people are less likely to think I’m paying with counterfeit money. And I KNOW for a fact that I am far less likely to be shot by the police whether I have committed a crime or not. It brings tears to my eyes and so much pain to my heart that this is the world we still live in today. Black men and women have been oppressed and discriminated against for hundreds of years. What will it take for these horrific acts of injustice to finally stop? How many lives have to be taken before this racial injustice can end?

Today I’m grateful for social media to be able to bring more awareness to the black lives matter movement and to be able to bring people together in times like these. During the age of social media, it’s almost impossible to get away with anything… or so you would think. Unfortunately, this OBVIOUSLY isn’t the case. Even with video evidence of blatant acts of police brutality being released from multiple different angles, it still is not enough to bring justice to so many people. There is so much more to be done. Now more than ever, we need to stand together and be united in love and support with the black community. There is strength in numbers. We’re so much stronger together than we are apart. We need to do more than post a quote on social media to bring awareness to the severity of this issue. We need to protest. We need to stand together on the front lines of injustice. We need to protect our fellow humans, because that’s what we all are. We all bleed red. We are all the same. We are all equal, and every single person on earth needs to understand this.

A common theme that I’ve been seeing from some people is that they seem to be more outraged by the riots and protests going on, rather than the issues of white supremacy, police brutality and murders that are being inflicted on so many innocent people. We need to stop judging people and put ourselves in other people’s shoes. Above all, I want peace and equality. I’m definitely not promoting violence, but I just want to try something here so bear with me. Just think for one second, that your son, daughter, brother, sister, friend, husband, wife, mother, father, or any family member was just shot by a person whose duty is SUPPOSED to be to protect you. They weren’t doing anything wrong. They definitely weren’t doing anything so horrible that they deserved for their life to be taken from them. How would you feel? What would you do? Who would make things right? The answer is you’d feel like a whole chunk of your heart is gone. Maybe even your reason for living is gone. Who would you hold responsible? I’m 100% supporting all acts of protest and as a white person, I can not judge any act that people of color deem to be appropriate. If someone who was supposed to protect us, shot someone I love for basically no reason at all, I can’t even imagine what I would want to do. If someone shot someone I love because of the color of my skin REPEATEDLY, I can’t begin to explain or think of what I would want to do or what I would think would make it right. The answer is nothing makes it right because it’s so insanely wrong. I know there are some good cops out there, but if they have any knowledge of the terrible things going on and aren’t using their voice and position to help put a stop to all of these horrible things, they’re just as terrible. It’s only been a few weeks of rioting and protesting. Some people couldn’t handle the fact they weren’t allowed to get their hair cut for 6 weeks because of the coronavirus pandemic. White people showed up to protest with guns and were screaming in the faces of police because they were told to stay inside for their safety. No repercussions came of it. No one was shot. When black lives matter protesters protest peacefully, some are arrested, tear gassed, run over or shot at. Can you even begin to imagine how frustrated you would feel if you were discriminated against for hundreds of years? Black lives are constantly threatened by our government’s system that has set them up for failure and has left them unprotected. I know how terrible I feel as a white person watching these things happen. I can’t even imagine what the black community feels at this time and all the time.

We need love. We need peace. We need EQUALITY. WE NEED TO DO MORE. I’ve attached some links at the bottom of this post for more information on what we can all do to help.

Be supportive. Love one another. Care about other people. Show up for other human beings. We’re all the same and everyone needs to grasp this concept. You’d think it’s just basic human decency to understand these things but unfortunately and shockingly enough, it is not. Change is a powerful thing and it needs to come now. Every life matters, but all lives can’t matter, until black lives matter.

I love you all and I’m standing with you in any and every way that I can. Stay strong and stand united.

Talk soon

XOXO

-Shan

LINKS FOR SUPPORT AND DONATIONS:

Black Visions Collective:

https://secure.everyaction.com/4omQDAR0oUiUagTu0EG-Ig2

Reclaim The Block:

https://secure.everyaction.com/zae4prEeKESHBy0MKXTIcQ2

The Bail Project:

https://secure.givelively.org/donate/the-bail-project

Communities United Against Police Brutality:

https://www.paypal.com/donate/?token=oq3cHZ_gPZ21Yeu40KWylI1L3u6CiyieDl2nqSSG5IW7a1JHKoLzybYLZ-2rNLAE3cKAWW&country.x=US&locale.x=US

Know Your Rights Campaign:

https://secure.eifoundation.org/site/Donation2?df_id=6082&mfc_pref=T&6082.donation=form1&s_src=kyrcmain&utm_source=kyrcmain

Fair Fight:

https://secure.eifoundation.org/site/Donation2?df_id=6082&mfc_pref=T&6082.donation=form1&s_src=kyrcmain&utm_source=kyrcmain

George Floyd Memorial Fund:

https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

Also, you can text FLOYD to 55156 to sign Color of Change’s petition calling on Mayor Frey to block the Minneapolis officers from receiving their pensions and from becoming officers again. This petition also demands charges be brought against all four officers.

For more ways to help, click this link for ways to support, donate, and for more petitions to sign to support the black lives matter movement:

https://www.cosmopolitan.com/politics/a32711399/how-to-help-black-lives-matter-support-protestors/

[dailydoseofshan]

May:

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU’RE SOMEONE WHO IS JUDGEMENTAL OR EASILY OFFENDED THIS POST MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU! Sorry Mom! Xoxo -Shan

Hello lovely people! I hope everyone is safe and trying to do everything possible to keep themselves sane during this quarantine! So normally I write about things that I can really relate to because I’ve gone through it or maybe it’s advice I’d want to give to a friend, but since we’ve been quarantined I really haven’t had any interesting revelations or experiences that I’m passionate about telling you guys. So instead I’m going to share my opinion and also slip a little story time into this post.

So I feel like I’ve been hearing a lot about this website called Only Fans. For those of you who haven’t really heard about it, it’s a website where people who are typically “famous” are able to interact with their fans. To be able to gain access to this site, “fans” need to pay for a subscription. SO. As I said I’ve been seeing a lot of social media influencers, cute girls I follow on Instagram, and even some people that I know who are making an Only Fans account in order to make some extra money. A lot of people are kind of shaming these girls or calling them “whores” which I completely disagree with. When you HONESTLY think about it… if a girl wants to post a picture on Instagram in a bathing suit for people to look at for free, why not post it somewhere where people will pay a subscription to look at it? And before you get the wrong idea I’m not talking about posting nudes (even though some people do that and if that’s how they want to make money go get it girl) but I’m not even talking about that. I’m just talking about posting a hot picture that you could have posted on Instagram. They’re making money and owning their choice to do that and I’m all for it 100%! So shout out to the Only Fans ladies who are confident and making money for being cute! Now, I have a story that definitely goes along with the “fast and easy money” mentality.

So during this quarantine, as I just said I’ve been seeing girls on Only Fans, but I’ve also been hearing a lot about Sugar Daddies and how there are so many men who literally just want to talk to a cute girl on the phone or even just over text during quarantine. So after chatting with my sister I decided “Okay I’m going to go on this website called Seeking Arrangements.” HEAR ME OUT. My thought was that this will be perfect because, since we’re in quarantine, they won’t be able to meet me in person so I won’t have to meet up with anyone sketchy and I’ll just have to like text them a little bit and that’s all. I just wanted this to be a quick way to make some money on the side and it didn’t involve anything illegal so I was like “WOO LETS DO IT”. So I go on and I make an account and I’m getting messages from all of these 40 year old men who just want to talk to me about my freaking day! I SWEAR TO GOD. So then, I end up talking with a guy who we’ll call Steve. So I start talking with Steve and he Chase Quick Pays me some money and tells me how he’ll pay off my credit cards if I can just text him about his day and let him vent to me or whatever. So I'm thinking “Wow call me a sugar baaaaaaaaaby because I’m so doing this! Like I really thought I was going to have a City Girl from the 305 moment and make his pockets hurt! So he sent me some checks with a lot of money on them and all I had to do was deposit them, and then send some of the money to his friend via Chase Quick Pay because he couldn’t do it for whatever reason. (Lmao I should have seen the gigantic red flags that this should have raised for me but my mindset at the moment was sometimes you’ve gotta risk it to get the biscuit) so I sent the money from the deposited checks to his friend. So now I have voluntarily paid someone I do not know thousands of dollars on Chase Quick Pay, from my own bank account. Like in this moment, was I smoking some serious crack? Because you’ll be shocked to hear that that answer is “no”. SO the next day one of the checks bounced and I asked Steve what was going on. He proceeded to tell me not to worry because he’s a businessman and promised me that the money would be back in my account the next day. I woke up to see all the checks had bounced and that I was now in debt to my bank because I sent money from the bounced checks to this person I didn’t know! So about two weeks later after repaying my debt to the bank… I go to withdraw cash from my account, and I’m told by my bank that my account is pending to be permanently closed because of fictitious checks LMAO. So now I’m thinking Oh my god what if I’m an accomplice now to a crime or something but I ended up working it out and the account wasn’t closed and everything is fine. It was really such a smart moment for me (obviously that’s what’s called sarcasm ladies and gentlemen).

So if you want to make some quick money in whatever creative way you may discover during this quarantine, I have three tips for you. First, we shouldn’t ever shame anyone for how they choose to make their money (as long as they’re being safe and are comfortable with whatever they’re doing). Second, WOMEN SHOULD ALWAYS SUPPORT EACH OTHER! ALWAYS. And lastly, ONLY USE VENMO OR CASH APP (NOT CHECKS) if you’re going to risk it to get YOUR BISCUIT! But always beware of scammers!

Stay strong my fellow entrepreneurial women! Talk soon.

XOXO -Shan

[dailydoseofshan]

April:

Hello lovely people! I hope everyone is staying safe and healthy during this stressful time. I’m sure I’m not the only one who has been living in my room and watching cringeworthy reality tv with a little bit (or a lot) of wine to get through this quarantine. Right now people are stocking up on cleaning supplies, masks, and gloves to keep themselves healthy. Even though all of these things are important for keeping our bodies healthy physically, times like these can definitely take a toll on us mentally.

The state of our mental health is something that is definitely being tested during times like these. In general, we as humans deal with a variety of different emotions on an everyday basis. When we’re forced to conform to a new normal, our thoughts and feelings can become intensified. If you’re someone who is often able to distract themselves from their feelings by working, going to school, or going out (okurrr same here), right now might be a difficult time for you… but you’re for sure not alone. Being that most of us aren’t really supposed to leave our house, it might mean that you have a lot of free time and we may be forced to confront feelings and thoughts that we’ve been avoiding or repressing for some time now. I know I definitely have. I just want to let you know that this is not uncommon and it’s so so so important to remember that everything happens for a reason, so who’s to say our time at home wasn’t meant to be?

If you’ve already finished everything on your Netflix Watch List (side bar: do we all agree that Carole Baskin fed her husband to the tigers?) I’m sorry I just had to ask. ANYWAY, if you’ve gone through your binge worthy tv shows by now, I’m sure a lot of you are starting to get cabin fever or maybe feeling a lot of anxiousness. I bet you’re also wondering how this could possibly be a positive thing for our mental health.

Hear me out when I tell you that EVERYTHING, and I mean everything, HAPPENS FOR A REASON. I’m in no way saying this virus isn’t terrible because it definitely is for a lot of those who are affected (SHOUT OUT TO ALL OF THE AMAZING HEALTHCARE WORKERS WHO ARE WORKING SO HARD FOR US). For those of us who are going stir crazy sitting at home, this is meant for you. Right now is a time that we’re forced to reset our minds and reevaluate our emotions. How often do we complain about having to go to work or having to go out when we don’t really feel like it? Right now we don’t have to. We have the time to reflect, process and appreciate.

This means we have more down time to sit and ponder our feelings and thoughts. For those of us who were already struggling with that, it can be a roller coaster. When we start to feel overwhelmed by our thoughts and everything around us that’s going on, we have to remind ourselves that we’ll be okay. For me specifically, I’m a major hypochondriac and such a stress ball to begin with. The thought of myself or a loved one getting this virus genuinely scares me and is causing a lot of anxiety. I’m sure I’m not the only one dealing with that fear and I know that. The goal is to not let our emotions consume us and understand we aren’t alone in these feelings. We’ve all been thinking about a lot of negative events or feelings that are still having an impact on us during our free time. When we let ourselves become engulfed by our bad feelings, it sinks us into a deeper place mentally. During hard times and all times, we have to remember that everything does happen for a reason. We need to trust the universe and let things be. It’s so much easier said than done. I totally get that. Everything has a way of working out and I promise the universe has a plan.

Here are some tips that might help during this time… 1.Keep a journal! Some of us might have limited contact with our usual friends, family members, or therapists who we’re used to opening up to. This will help us be able to get all of our negative thoughts down on paper and hopefully lighten the load in our mind. 2. Start your day with gratitude. As soon as you wake up think of 3 things you’re grateful for whether it be for your dog or your morning coffee to your sister or child. This will help you notice more of the positive things around you throughout your day. 3. Self soothe. If you feel like you’re starting to panic or worry, focus on your breath and talk to yourself out loud or in your head like you would talk to a friend. Who knows what you need to hear to calm down better than yourself? 4. If you live with your partner, have sex. If you don’t, masterbate. This will definitely help you to feel more connected with yourself and it will release endorphins to keep you feeling positive. Nothing like a bone sesh to lighten things up right? Lol..but seriously! 5. Try meditation! If you don’t know how there are so many helpful apps to get you started. My favorites are the Calm app and the Insight Timer app. They have so many guided meditations to help you relax and put your mind at ease.

Remember, we’re all in this together and you are not alone, even if it seems like you are. Whether you know it or not there’s something or someone who wants to listen and who wants you here.

Stay healthy and safe lovely people. Talk soon.

XOXO -Shan

[dailydoseofshan]

March:

Hello again lovely people! This month’s post involves a topic that I feel like not only other’s, but also myself might need a refresher course in. This month we’re going to be talking about self worth! The concept of self worth, to me, is how you view yourself, and more importantly the value that you place on yourself as an individual.

There are so many people who put themselves in situations that they don’t deserve to be in because, either consciously or most of the time subconsciously, we think the way that we’re being treated is acceptable. Or maybe we’re settling for our current situation, because we don’t truly believe that we deserve so much more. The concept of self worth is an idea that I think a lot of people struggle with. A big part of this is because of the fact that we tend to listen to other people’s opinions and comments about us, or sometimes it’s the way people have treated us in the past. Sometimes we allow people who we think the world of, whether it be a boyfriend, girlfriend, family member, or friend, to say negative things about us or treat us in such a way that we do not deserve. Although we don’t deserve it, it’s hard for us to realize it at the time because we think “Well, this person “loves” me, so if they think it’s okay to treat me this way or say these things to me, then I must deserve it” and this is so not the case. 

In the words of the iconic queen Carrie Bradshaw, “When it comes to life and love, why do we believe our worst reviews?” When we’re acting from a place of self love, we won't allow ourselves to even pay attention to negativity or other people’s perception of us. We know how we deserve to be treated and won’t settle for less. The truth is, the way we allow ourselves to be treated stems from the question, “how much do we truly love ourselves?” When we wholeheartedly love ourselves, we won't settle, or allow negative people to dictate our worth. If we aren't happy with ourselves, we’ll allow negative behavior in our lives in all areas. The most important thing, at the end of the day, is what we believe we deserve. And if that is anything less than amazing, then ladies and gentlemen, we need to do some self reflecting! YAAAY FOR SELF REFLECTION AND TAKING ACCOUNTABILITY!!! Maybe we need to do some journaling, some therapy or drink a few glasses of wine with our bff’s, and really understand what it is about ourselves that’s causing us to think this way. Who or what made you feel this way? Are you where you want to be in life? Why are you truly unhappy with yourself? It’s important to not get lost in all of these thoughts, but instead to find answers. Find these answers and then find solutions. It’s so important to be happy and love ourselves for so many reasons. If you aren’t loving yourself or feeling worthy, it’s so so so important that we find little ways or big ways to change how we’re feeling. Not understanding how worthy we are can lead to depression, anxiety, and/or self sabotage. We accept what we think we deserve. Sometimes if we have something good in our lives and we think we don’t deserve it, we might end up ruining it, just because we subconsciously don’t think we deserve it. 

We have to put the work into completely loving every part of ourselves. Trust me, it isn’t going to happen overnight. It's going to be a process, but I really believe it will be so worth it in the long run. Little things to help this process can be simple steps such as journling, going to the gym, treating yourself or just going outside for some fresh air. Bigger things that can be painful, but sometimes necessary, could be reflecting on our current and past relationships, leaving a relationship with boyfriend/girlfriend or a friend, or maybe leaving a toxic environment such as a workplace or even sometimes a home. We are our own worst critics a lot of the time, and if you allow yourself to be surrounded by people who validate all of the bad things you think about yourself, or people who don’t support you, it won’t get any better. 

An amazing friend said to me recently, “if you wouldn't want to see someone you love go through what you’re going through, why is it okay for you to allow yourself to go through it, or be in a negative situation and not them?” It’s because we aren’t loving ourselves. This is why sometimes we give great advice to the people we love, but don’t take the advice ourselves. If someone truly loves you, they won’t allow you to feel this way about yourself or let you stay in a negative situation. This is something that takes such a weight off our shoulders. Surround yourself with people who truly love you and want the absolute best for you, because although you may not see it right now, they know you deserve the best and more, and you need to get to that place where you 1000% know you deserve it too...BECAUSE I KNOW YOU DO! Our relationship with ourselves has a direct correlation to our relationships with others. As said by another amazing queen, Ru Paul, “Honey, if you can’t love yourself how the hell are you going to love somebody else?” Can I get an Amen for loving ourselves and not settling for anything less than what we deserve? HELL YES. 

Talk soon.

XOXO -Shan

[dailydoseofshan]

February: 

DISCLAIMER: IF YOU’RE SOMEONE WHO IS JUDGEMENTAL OR EASILY OFFENDED THIS POST MIGHT NOT BE FOR YOU! But I hope you aren’t because these are conversations that need to be normalized. Xoxo -Shan

Hello again lovely people! January is finally over and February is in full effect. If you’ve been to any of your local stores recently, you know that Valentine’s Day will soon be upon us. This month’s post is dedicated to all of my singles who are reading.

Being single for Valentine’s Day can either be totally embraced or be totally depressing. It can definitely be a downer, but it doesn’t have to be!

In my opinion, there are two common attitudes if you’re single around this time of year, and let me make this very clear. I’m 100% supportive of both of these attitudes because we’re all in different places in our lives and in our relationships with ourselves. For some of us singles, being that we’re t-minus 2 weeks until the big day, we’re either setting the bait for our dinner date/hook up for the night or we’re just putting up the decorations for our pity party of one that we’re going to have for ourselves. Something that has always bothered me as a woman, is how much of a double standard it is for men to have hookups or one night stands. Why is it so socially acceptable for a man to get some when he wants, but when a woman does it she’s labeled a “slut” or a “whore?”  Even when a woman talks about sex it’s common for her to be judged, but when men do it it’s just thought of as “boys being boys.” It isn’t okay, in my opinion.

Ladies and gentlemen. I’m going to say this in the most blunt way possible. This year for V-day, if you’re single and feel like having a good time with someone will fulfill your needs and make you happy, YOU GO OUT AND YOU GET SOME! I’m for sure supporting you in your conquests! And do not. I repeat. DO NOT let anyone make you feel bad about it! If it’s okay for men to do it, what’s stopping us? As long as someone is respectful of you and your sexual needs and limits, what’s stopping you, other than someone’s opinion?  BUT ONLY DO THIS IF YOUR 100% TOTALLY OKAY WITH IT! Let me explain what I mean by that. For some people it’s completely about the sex. They want it. They know that they are able to emotionally deal with the fact that it was only sex and that’s all. Which is great for some people, but for others, it isn’t actually the sex they want. For some singles, it’s the intimacy they want and they think that a hook up will fill a void. I’m telling you if this is resonating with you, the hook up won’t make you feel any happier when you’re back home in bed by yourself. Sex is supposed to be super exciting, passionate, and fun. Although, I’m someone who is super supportive of everyone getting some, it’s important to be in the right headspace. If you’re someone who’s been feeling alone or sad, it’s important to know yourself and your emotions and that this might not be something you’re ready for. It’s important to be able to understand if it’s purely the sex that you want or if it’s intimacy that you’re craving. A hook up will not satisfy your need to not feel alone. For some it’s more than the sex that we want, but we think it will give us the same satisfaction. Sometimes it’s wanting to be touched, admired, or understood. All of these feelings are so amazing, but they come with time and a relationship. We’re all humans dealing with different feelings and we’re all in different places emotionally in our lives. It isn’t something that’s going to be fulfilled by your Saturday night sleeping buddy. There are plenty of Ps and Vs in the world and they’ll be there when you’re ready.

BUT WAIT, THERE'S MORE! Although you might not be ready to engage with someone else this Valentine’s Day you still 1000% deserve to get some! Getting that feeling doesn’t always require another person. Sometimes you need to love up on yourself once in a while! To be clear, yes I’m saying it. MASTURBATE! For men this is something that’s waaay more normalized and accepted, so this part is more directed towards the ladies. Ladies, if you haven’t already. You need to hit your local sex store and pick out whatever your heart desires. Sometimes a quick little vibrator sesh before you go to sleep is all you need to kick that lonely feeling away. There are also so many health benefits! I attached an article from Self magazine at the end of this post that elaborates more on this. Also, as a woman, it’s so important to understand our own bodies and what we’re into and not into. So what could be a better way to find out than exploring for yourself? When you stop and think about it, when you’re getting down and dirty with someone if they’re doing something that isn’t exactly making you see stars, understanding what you want and communicating it to them is the best way for you to be satisfied! Communication is sexy! Make your voice heard. So you go to Expressions! You get the vibrator and you figure out what does it for you! Because everyone deserves to cum on Valentine’s Day and every day!

Here are some tips to help you navigate these next couple of weeks: 1. If you want it and are in a clear frame of mind, text the hot guy or girl from Tinder or the bar that you’ve been flirting with and you go get some and don’t let ANYONE SHAME YOU FOR IT! 2. If you haven’t been feeling too great and might not feel up to bringing someone else into the picture right now, go to your nearest adult store and then love up on your awesome self! YOU DESERVE IT and it will only make sex with someone else even better when you’re ready! 3. Cum. Cum and thank you.. cum again!

To my singles, I hope you find comfort in this post and realize that you’re the shit and you’re worth it! To my couples, I hope you ride it like an equestrian this Valentine’s Day!

Talk soon.

XOXO -Shan

References: Self: “14 Benefits of Female Masturbation and Why Every Woman Should Do It”: https://www.self.com/story/13-reasons-every-woman-should-masturbate-besides-the-obvious

[dailydoseofshan]

January:

Hello lovely people! Being that today is the start of a whole new decade, I thought it was only fit to talk about something that most of us hate, but can’t stop no matter how hard we try to fight it, and that is CHANGE. Grab a wine (or whatever your drink of choice may be) and let’s talk about it. Although change is something a lot of us (a.k.a. me) hate with a burning passion, it’s the only thing in life that’s guaranteed. It’s terrifying, I know. When change is slamming on your door and you’re trying so hard to keep that door shut, it’s actually taking more energy out of you than it would for you to just open it. Trust me, I really do know that this is so much easier said than done. I’m a little blonde stress ball who has done everything in her power to fight change in my life, and do you want to know something? No matter what I did, change happened anyway.

Being that it’s a new year, I was reflecting, as most of us do about the past year and how much things have changed without me even trying. If I had said all of this to myself less than a year ago, I would tell myself to “sit the hell down and shut up because life is reaaaaaally kicking my ass right now”. This time last year, I was waking up on New Year’s day with who I thought was the love of my life. I was spreading myself thin between school, work and a serious relationship. Now, a year later, my life has done a complete 180 and it’s a change that I was fighting, but I’m making it through.

We cross paths with everyone that we meet for a reason. It wasn’t by accident that you had a relationship or friendship with anyone, it was meant to happen and guess what. It’s going to be happening a lot throughout your life. Some people will stay and some people will only be in it for days, weeks, months, or even years (Did you dig the Friends reference?) Anyway, people come into our lives to teach us something about ourselves and also because at that time they are exactly what we need for whatever the reason may be. It could also be the same for the other person, maybe they met you because you needed to teach them something about themselves or whatever the divine reason may be. When things are starting to feel a little bit “off” in your life, it means that the universe is telling you that it’s time for you to grow. Of course change is a lot easier when we know it’s something positive. Like going to the gym for instance (believe me I hate sweating too, but just roll with it).  At first, you’re tired and don’t want to drag your ass out of bed and run on the treadmill at 6 A.M before your long day, but you know that in the long run you’ll be a healthier person because you did it. Sometimes you have to face the scary stuff. What if it’s something that terrifies you? Like moving to a new city? Or being without someone you thought you could never live without? What if you aren’t ready for this change? The answer to that is, if you feel it happening, you’re ready for it.

When you start to feel uncomfortable mentally, or even sometimes physically, it means that you are ready for a change that is coming your way. As you can see change isn’t just about getting the new, stressful job that you’re terrified of or moving to a new city. When the people around you change, it’s scary. An important thing that I’ve learned in recent years is that losing people sucks. That’s all there is to it. IT SUCKS, but it’s something that comes with life. It’s all pertaining to change. When I’m talking about losing someone I’m more on the side of discussing losing a relationship with someone, because although losing someone in a sense that they’ve passed away is in some ways the same, in other ways it’s more complex. During times of immense change, the most important thing to remember is that you are so much stronger than you think you are. You can handle whatever life is throwing at you. Don’t get me wrong, there are good days and bad days. There are also some great days and some days that you don’t know if you’ll be able to make it through, but you will. For now you can believe what you want because the only way you’d know it is if you see it for yourself, and I have no doubt in my mind that one day you will.

Life has a bat shit crazy way of doing things. It has an out of this world way of making you appreciate every day with the people you love, and it also has a way of showing you what you are capable of on your own. “Everything that is meant for you, won’t miss you” (someone said that I think and if they didn’t they totally should). And lovely people, you need to embrace it no matter how hard and scary it is because trust me, as I said before, you’re stronger than you think.

Here are some cliche but totally useful tips for dealing with change that I know I would want to hear if I was talking to myself this past year: 1. You need to remember people love the absolute shit out of you. Whether you have a huge, tight knit family, or live alone with your dog, someone or some cute little furry creature is loving you and they would do anything in their power to help you. 2. When you’re breaking down, let people in. Vent: YOU AREN’T BEING ANNOYING! Everyone needs someone to face the hard shit with, no matter how tough you think you are. I guarantee you that someone who loves you wants to listen. So why deal with it alone? When you know for damn sure one of your closest girls or guys would be so down to cry it out with you over a margarita or even a wine date via FaceTime, if distance is an issue! 3. Just to reiterate #2, I mean it. Like seriously. Just CRY IT THE HELL OUT. Just do it. You’ll feel so much lighter when you do. 4. This is the most important one: find a way to really believe that everything is going to be okay. Maybe not tomorrow, maybe not even months from now, but someday you’ll feel okay again.  

The whole point of this rant is that change is always constant in our lives. Dealing with change in a productive and healthy way can make life a lot easier. Whether you're ready for it or not, it’s happening. Right now. In all different forms. Even when it’s hard to see it, you have to remember that change is always coming. If nothing ever changed, we wouldn’t evolve as people. Trust me, you are such an amazing ass person and you can handle whatever life throws at you. Trust the universe. It knows what you need, exactly when you need it. Here’s to evolving in 2020. We’ve got this!

Talk soon.

XOXO -Shan

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[dailydoseofshan]

Daily Dose of Shan: Coming January 2020!

Hello Lovely People! I’m so excited to announce the launch of my new blog, Daily Dose of Shan, coming to Tumblr this January! This blog will be covering a wide range of topics including mental health, relationships with yourself and others, sex, and everything in between. As a woman, I feel like there are so many conversations that need to be had. I want this blog to be a space where people can relate to one another and feel understood. If there are any specific issues or topics you would like me to cover, please don’t hesitate to send me a message in my inbox and also hit that follow button to get all of the updates about Daily Dose of Shan! I can’t wait to get all of these conversations started! I just want to keep it real. Xoxo -Shan