Schlatt: That’s true, it is fucked up. I start from the top though. I like—
Schlatt: I like the curvature— What?
Ted: I don’t know, I just don’t like it.
Charlie: What, this? The hook? You start at the hook?
Charlie: I break off the hook.
Schlatt: You don’t eat the hook?
Ted: How are you sucking on that? Are you sucking on that like a…
Charlie: I don’t throw away the hook. I just, I break—
Schlatt: I enjoy the curvature.
Charlie: I yank and break the hook, and then I have it as a separate piece.
Schlatt: No. No you don’t. No you don’t.
Charlie: Yes I do. Yes I do.
Schlatt: I unwrap the top of the candy cane, and then I start at the hook.
Ted: How are you sucking on it, Schlatt? Are you sucking on it like you’re a fucking fish that got caught?
Schlatt: I put the thing in my mouth, and I run my tongue along the hook, along the curvature.
Ted: Don’t say you’re running your tongue, dude. I don’t wanna ever hear you say you’re running your tongue again.
Schlatt: I’m being honest.
Charlie: Can you show me? Can you show me?
Schlatt: That’s a comically large candy cane. I can’t—
Charlie: I don’t know what you’re talking about.
Schlatt: This— We haven’t invented—
Charlie: It’s not that much bigger.
Schlatt: Charlie, we haven’t invented this yet.
Charlie: Slightly above average. It’s only slightly above average.
Schlatt: It used to be a regular one— You have a regular one.
Charlie: I don’t know what— This is the same candy cane I’ve always had.
Schlatt: Yes you do! You do!
Charlie: This is the same fucking candy cane.
Schlatt: There’s a regular sized candy cane on your desk right now!
Charlie: I’m sorry I don’t fucking swim around like you in a Christmas swamp until I’m fucking—
Ted: Oh, I’ve missed this.
Charlie: Snagged by a fucking hook, dude. How do you do it?
Schlatt: You can fit— You can fit the candy cane in your mouth—
Ted: It’s true. It’s true.
Schlatt: From the curvature. From the top.
Ted: Charlie’s demonstration there—
Charlie: No, the width— the width is too high. The width is too—
Schlatt: That’s bigger than average!
Charlie: Are you insane? Are you crazy? Are you doing this in public? You fucking freak!
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