I feel like apologizing, but I’m too proud to do it in person. So here are some:
I’m sorry that I was being so condescending all the time. I understand now that it is hard to fight back against me, because I can’t even fight against myself.
I’m sorry that I didn’t tell you right away about what happened. I’m sorry that I was blinded and that I didn’t try to stop it earlier.
I’m sorry that I don’t realize how mean I can be.
I’m sorry that I tried to lie to you and that I fell apart so quickly.
I’m sorry. This one I can’t describe. I’m sorry that I can’t look at you, and that we were so different and that I felt trapped. You deserved more than a trapped person who was drowning herself in self-doubt and who she was.
I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to talk to you. That part of us still runs too deeply in my skin to bring it back up and burn flesh right in front of our faces. I still cry every time I think about it.
I’m sorry I can’t bring myself to talk to you. I don’t have anything productive of conducive to say to you.
And:
I’m sorry. For pushing you too hard, and for thinking the best way for you to escape was to push yourself harder and harder. You always did well. You were always doing okay and always strong enough to get better and I’m sorry that I ever told you otherwise. You deserved so much more than what I told you you were. But I’m glad to see you’re doing well now.
