locked out of heaven

@dallasfck-blog

The roads are narrow, like your patience. It's been two minutes and my seats already vacant. Dallas Henderson. 19. 8x8

1,696 posts

Shakir pet his curls soothingly, at a loss for words. “Baby, just think…. in a few years, this won’t matter. We’ll laugh at this moment, I swear. You know why?” He shifted closer to Dallas, tilting his head to meet his eye. “Because I’ll have just come home from the hospital, whole…

Shakir nodded, understanding. “If its a big wedding you want, you’ll have it. But not for a few years, baby, and I hate to make you wait that long but….we have the rest of our lives to make up for it, yeah?”

Dallas looked down at his knees, giving out a defeated sigh. "Yeah." He mumbled, playing with his sweatpants. "I'm kinda bummed now, not gonna lie. Are you sure you want to get married now and don't want to wait to be off your parents money? I don't wanna cause a stir."

Shakir pet his curls soothingly, at a loss for words. “Baby, just think…. in a few years, this won’t matter. We’ll laugh at this moment, I swear. You know why?” He shifted closer to Dallas, tilting his head to meet his eye. “Because I’ll have just come home from the hospital, whole box of cannolis from that little italian place on 7th, and dinner will be on the table and you’ll be chastising me for showing off dessert before dinner, and now none of the kids want to eat the casserole you put your heart and soul into,” Shak grinned, gently tickling Dallas’ side, “And today was already a mess because Becky from the PTA meeting was acting especially bitchy, and all you wanted was a nice, quiet dinner with your family….” He kissed Dallas’ shoulder teasingly, nosing at his neck as he searched for a smile, “But now all our kids are gonna get a sugar rush and be a pain in the ass way past bedtime, and if I’m lucky, you won’t fall asleep before I’ve finished blowing you goodnight.”

Dallas wanted to keep pouting, to turn his head away and remove himself from the room. But shakir had his attention, as usual, and Dallas listened to him with a very soft expression to the life he was painting for them, even giving a giggle when he was tickled. “Babe, with your mouth, I can assure you I won’t fall asleep.” He murmured. “And I’ll drag you to PTA functions and basketball games and recitals, whatever the kids want. I just…I want wedding photos for our kids. Our grand kids. We have such an made for movie love story, I want something to show for it. Besides the kids. I’ve always wanted a wedding. And it’s really not fair that I don’t get one, and that’s all I’ve ever really wanted. A wedding where you’re my groom and I get to hear you say I do.” Dallas sighed.

Dallas watched his hand for a moment, not uttering a sound. He attempted to control his breathing to the pace of the strokes, feeling a bit calmer with his hand. “I don’t want you to see me cry. You always see me cry.”

“But I’m supposed to be the one you go to when you cry. What kind of future husband would I be if I didn’t want to do that for you?”

Dallas looked down at his hands, bottom lip quivering. "I'm so upset," he began, sniffing. "I want to be a regular couple and have all those stupid fantasies come true and I can't and I just." Dallas hid his face into his knees as he pulled them to his chest.

Dallas sniffed. “I…I want to cry in the shower.” he answered honestly. “I just want to wallow in my pity sadness.”

Shakir nodded, understanding. “Want me to wallow with you?” He smiled weakly, stroking his hand down Dallas’ arm

Dallas watched his hand for a moment, not uttering a sound. He attempted to control his breathing to the pace of the strokes, feeling a bit calmer with his hand. "I don't want you to see me cry. You always see me cry."

Shakir could tell something was off, and he pulled away slightly, teeth sinking into his cheek as he tried to figure out what to do. “Do you need space, lovely?” he guessed.

Dallas sniffed. “I...I want to cry in the shower.” he answered honestly. “I just want to wallow in my pity sadness.”

Shakir sighed, frowning as he watched his fiance deep in thought. “I want that too, and I want to make you happy, but we can’t….. I’m so sorry baby…”

Dallas looked down at his hands, stiffening a bit. At that point, he was speechless. He had nothing to say. What he really wanted to do was excuse himself, go into the bathroom, turn on the shower and sit in the tub while he let all of his frustration out through tears.

Shakir wrapped his arm around Dallas’s body, holding him close. One hand reached up to comb through his curls to soothe him, and Shak pressed a kiss to his temple. “You know I’d give up anything for you,” he said softly after a minute, his own heart lurching at Dally’s words, “You’re my whole world, Dallas. But we need time. Just a little more.”

Dallas didn’t respond to Shakir’s affection like he normally did. He stayed pressed against him, eyes closed and hands fumbling at his shirt nervously. “It’s not fair...” he whispered. “It’s not fair. I want to show our love off in an elegant wedding and have all our friends there and my parents and my sister and I want a venue and flowers and rings. I don’t think city hall does us justice, with all we’ve been through. But. Fine.”

“Baby, c'mere, look at me,” Shakir cooed softly, brushing his thumb over Dallas’ chin to turn his fade towards himself, “You’re my family, and if it came down between them or you I’d always pick you. It will always be you. And I want to give you everything, from the wedding to the babies to our own place and I want forever and I want to be able to promise you forever. But we can’t have everything right now. I need school. I need their help to get me through school, so I can get myself a steady job and take care of you for the rest of my life. You understand why that won’t happen if they know you and I are in love?”

He dared to look over at Shakir, eyes unable to hold back the tears and he continued to speak. “Because I’m a man. I’m forbidden. I’m not acceptable. Because they d-don’t understand our love or approve of our love.” Dallas crawled back over to him like he had never been mad at him in the first place. Despite his tall, lanky body, Dallas squeezed himself to Shakir’s side, wanting to fold into his arms like a little puppy. “I know, I’m n-not upset with you. I’m just upset. At the universe. I want everything with you a-and I can’t even have the stereotypical in laws because they hate me. But I can’t ask you to give up your family to me, just like you can’t ask me to keep us hidden forever. Until you’re financially free, yes, but not forever. And then they’re going to outcast you and I don’t want that...I-I don’t...”

Shakir took a breath, and then Dallas’ hand into his. “Because if I marry you and they find out, they’ll stop paying for school, and I won’t ever get to see them again.”

Dallas couldn’t help but tear up when Shakir broke the news, looking away from him. “They hate me...” he whispered, sniffing. “You...you can’t lose your family over me, Shakir...I won’t let you.”

“My parents can’t come to our wedding.”

Dallas turned his head. “What? But....but ...why Shak, why?” He looked so heartbroken just at the one sentence he had muttered, his words coming out in a soft whine.

“Dally….”

“What?”

“I’m not letting your parents pay for our wedding, Dallas, don’t be ridiculous.”

Dallas wanted to cry right there in the bed with him, but decided to just shut down and give Shakir what he wanted. “Fine. We’ll just go sign the papers at city hall and that’ll be it.” he rolled himself so his back was to Shakir, pouting, hugging the sheets over him to hide himself.

Dallas pulled his arms away and rolled over, hugging the sheets to himself. “Well sorry what I want is so silly.” Dallas pouted, his feelings hurt already.

Shakir sat up the tiniest bit, annoyance in his tone. “Well do you want a wedding or a baby? Because we can’t afford both.”

Dallas sat up, giving him a glare. "My parents want to pay for it! They want to give me the wedding they know I want. For us. Because they love us! Why do you not want us to have a damn wedding day?"

Dallas loosened his grip on Shakir significantly. “Because that’s what I want? Like? What’s the issue here?”

Shakir’s face dropped at the loss of contact, shifting away a bit himself. “I dunno,” he shrugged, pressing for casualty, “Seems silly…”

Dallas pulled his arms away and rolled over, hugging the sheets to himself. "Well sorry what I want is so silly." Dallas pouted, his feelings hurt already.

“Why do we need a big wedding? Can’t afford it, anyhow.”

Dallas loosened his grip on Shakir significantly. “Because that’s what I want? Like? What’s the issue here?”

“Of course baby…do you think anyone else could make me so happy?” He kissed his cheek. “You’re it.”

Shakir stayed quiet for a few moments. “Let’s not invite m'parents to the wedding,” he slurred sleepily, struggling to keep his eyes open, “Or yours .. just me ‘n you. No one else.”

"....Shakir...I don't know about that. I want it to be a big wedding. Why do you not want that?"

Dallas smiled as Shakir seemed to mold into him, hands finding any way they could to touch him. “All yours.” He nodded, tightening the arms around him. “All yours, forever. Gonna marry you and have a family with you and love you forever.”

“Like that…” Shakir agreed, nodding hazily. “Just me and you?”

"Of course baby...do you think anyone else could make me so happy?" He kissed his cheek. "You're it."

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