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@damagedgoredoll
i know the secrets that burden you. the ones that you bury. i know you sit awake at night feeling that endless pit of regret. the haunting confusion of why you do what you do. staining your beliefs yet again. ruining yourself just to feel something. betraying yourself over, over, and over.
i need to listen to the voices so i can be in a constant state of euphoria. i need to hang onto my delusions. i need to feed into my imagination. i need to stay inside my head. running on the fumes fueled from unrealistic scenarios. daydreaming with agony as my muse.
dig your teeth into my neck, rip into my flesh to reveal the sins that haunt me. grab a fist full of my hair and drag my limp body across the floor. whisper promises, make me cry. tell me you love me, hit me again. so silly, crawling away. use your bare hands to break into my skin. ravish in the texture of my blood.
terrified to love but never terrified to be a whore. interesting.
i wish i knew who i was. i wish my gender didn't confuse me so much. i wish i could wear clothes without the horrid feeling of how they're going to fit. i wish i wasn't in a constant state of hell. i wish, i wish, i wish.
being deranged is my favorite pass time. talking to myself in circles. my mind eating away at me. my body shutting down. it's so addicting, making myself feel like shit. hallucinating.
feeling used excites me. please ignore me. please lie to me. please push me away. the feeling of needing to hold on so tight, only to be used a pawn from the beginning. being miserable gets me off.