a hell of a storyteller

My name is Emily. She/her/hers, intersectional feminist, current Psychology student, Pisces, and a strange lass for certain. I've been on this god awful site for way too long and I'll post just damn near about anything. Follow for cute pics of me, exciting stories about my unusual life, sociological discussions, WLW-positivity, and graphic overshares relating to my survived trauma and mental illness.

[damnadoerable]

I’m still in love. I’m still far away from them but I still have this love. 

[damnadoerable]

so I am in general less DEVASTATED lately and weighing through various states of emotion and being with a little less rigidity. I still have a lot of feelings of hurt and sad, and that’s okay. I also feel a lot more free and feel like I’ve needed some of this time to get to know myself again, and it’s mostly been quite startling to realize how much of myself I’d begun to dilute for other the convenience of other people. It’s a little bit scary to realize I started doing this... again. 

And I have a crush again. I don’t think much will come of it but I’m really excited my heart is healing again in that I’m able to have these flirty feelings and excitement again for someone new like I haven’t felt in ages. I’m slowly beginning to treat being alive as a special occasion again, wearing my nicest lipstick on a whim, buying flowers, planning surprises. I’m really glad to have this part of myself back. I’m so sorry that I’d let it go for so long. This year I’ve made amends with so many old friends who I never thought I’d speak to again, and I’m glad there’s still something there to nourish.

Oh but I’m still on my dumb bitch juice apparently because this person I have a crush on is....................... certainly A Choice for me lol. I’ll leave it at that for now. 

At the end of summer I’m changing my hair. It might just be for a little while, but I’d like to feel something new for a breath or two.

[via-appia]

Circe, 1889

Wright Barker (1864 - 1941)

[lyjerria]

as you get older, you realize that you’re not always right and there’s so many things you could’ve handled better, so many situations where you could’ve been kinder and all you can really do is forgive yourself and let your mistakes make you a better person.

[apocryphics]

When Anaïs Nin said “I don’t want worship. I want understanding.”

[damnadoerable]

so I spend an exorbitant amount of time in schools. I’m a full time college student and also I work with special needs kids in multiple schools all around the city. 

I have sat and participated with tiny children in “active shooter drills.” Little children who are learning what to do in the event of a school shooter and it’s just as normal as a fire drill but so much more scary and so much more likely. the kids at the school run around and play superhero or ninjas or secret agents, but even the toddlers know that miming the shape of a gun with their fingers and thumb is not acceptable here. 

as a result of these truths I spend... a LOT of time sitting with intrusive thoughts and anxiety about getting suddenly shot. but that’s its own rant.

today one of my professors told me that a new precaution some schools are taking is to encourage the teachers to make a “survivor box” in case they’re caught in a school shooting. 

it’s advised to contain a sheet full of family contact information, medical ID numbers, instructions for who to contact first in the case of an emergency, and photos of their family. 

some go as far as having the teachers gather together like a support group once a year and write letters to their kids to go in the survivor box. 

I’ve never heard of any of this before this was shared with me in my class today but you can sure bet I’m personally horrified and traumatized by this shit. I wish I had something better or more pithy to end this on but I’m lost. 

[sweetcheeksaremadeofthese]

My higher self: stop getting high to avoid me

[damnadoerable]

Like she definitely had some big problems but like....... damn????? Was it really that obvious that things were not great and did it really seem that bad?????

[damnadoerable]

The funny thing about me breaking up w who I was dating is how many people I’ve told have responded with some variation of “good for you” or “I’m proud of you” etc etc

[damnadoerable]

So I went to the gyno and she felt the lump and said it’s probably normal but to keep an eye on it for the next six months. She also referred me to a genetic counselor and advised that I get tested for the BCRA genes ASAP so that’s.... a lil stressful

[astrolocherry]

the trouble for pisces is being taken for granted by other people. their sensitivity can make them appear as soft targets, but there is a brutality in pisces borne of hauntings, psychic activity swarming from the unconscious upward, and their volatile inner life. pisces can definitely be self-assertive and defend their own honour, even if they are faking it and don’t believe it themselves. it seems to stir for a long while, and pour out in one grand emotional tsunami that destroys everything it touches. pisces give so much to the body and soul of humanity, the least we can do is be supportive, understanding, and learn the ways of their compassion. one day we can return the favour and spread the gift of pisces with the world

[damnadoerable]

So I need to say this somewhere or I’m gonna explode. I just booked a doctors appointment because I found a lump in my breast and I really hope I’m just being paranoid. One of my cousins was diagnosed with breasted cancer just a few weeks ago and had to have a double mastectomy yesterday. She’s 30 and in med school. I really fucking hope it’s just this on my mind and not anything else.

[damnadoerable]

Cw: ED/weight loss I have literally dropped like 15 pounds in the last three weeks from the amazing depression, anxiety and nausea from this ending of relationship thing lol.

[damnadoerable]

Update: it’s been a few hours and I’m still devastatingly sad. But sometimes I’m also mad because I cannot believe this shit.

[damnadoerable]

I am devastatingly sad

[damnadoerable]

It’s over. Less than an hour ago I ended it.

[damnadoerable]

I didn’t know it was possible to miss a pair of hands so badly. There are so many pictures on my phone of your hands and I see them and crave them on me. I want your hands to meet the hollow of mine. I want your hands resting on my chest, arm hooked around my waist. I want your hands on my sex, using my clit as your toy, manipulating me to moan and sing your praises. I want your hand on my back, while I lay on your chest, and you promise everything will be okay. I want your hand in mind. My skin is craving it like I’m being punished.