dan

i want to be good at writing

[propheticscrwup-deactivated2023]

[fruity-pebblz]

Maslow’s hierarchy of needs but it just says “make out with a guy on the couch”

[penis-peeper]

[tobedeactivateddddddd-deactivat]

[quimerical]

#the guy can be a girl also#some girls are guys (@umbralmagnitude)

[danasneighbor]

alternate universe 2

i am with someone. he wakes up thinking of me, and we call each other at the same time. i wish you were here, he tells me. one day we will wake up together every day, i tell him. 

i am with someone, and he is kind to me. he never wants to cause me pain, he couldn’t imagine it. he speaks in a different voice when we are alone - quieter, more purposeful. being together is sunlight, calmness. 

i am with someone, and my friends tell me i’m different; lighter somehow. i don’t worry so much, don’t tense my shoulders and shrink myself body and soul. i occupy the space my body fills, and i do not apologize. i have repaired myself, and his hands were over mine all the time, sharing the work. 

i’m with someone kind, and funny, and warm, and strong, and delicate, and happy to be with me. i’m with someone who’s thinking about me right now, wondering where i am. we tell everyone we know how lucky we are; in different cities, in different time zones, always together. i’m with someone who’s on his way home now to tell me about his day. 

i dreamt we spoke, i dreamt we spoke again / but when i awoke i could not remember anything you said

i just want to make you smile, i just want to make you laugh / i just want to take you out / i want to make you proud, make you proud

she wore a raspberry beret / i think i love her

----

editing 1.5 years later

i found him. 2 months after i wrote this. 

[danasneighbor]

"to see the world, things dangerous to come to; to see behind walls, to draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. that is the purpose of life."

james thurber, the secret life of walter mitty

[danasneighbor]

takeoff

my breath sucks into my chest as we reach incredible speed, and i press my earbuds harder into my ears to drown out the engines. and so the music pumps directly into my brain as we leap off planet earth - my sweet lord, i really want to know you - opening my eyes as wide as i can to take in all the sky, all the sky i’m in - we’re higher, we’re higher still, there are no people below anymore, we’re the only ones left at all - hallelujah, hallelujah, hallelujah - now we’re rising and my stomach has dropped, and isn’t this magic? i’m sitting utterly still. i’m shaking out of my skin. isn’t this magic? george harrison cries i really want to know you, i really want to be with you as we join god in the place above the world

[danasneighbor]

flight

california from above is divided into squares: a hundred thousand miniscule cities in separated by pencil-etched main roads. each square is dry and brown with a smattering of black trees. occasionally my eyes catch the well-kept green of a high school baseball field, the vivid blue of a liliputian swimming pool. hiking paths of pale dirt stand out starkly against high dark hills. the paths are drawn in zig-zag as if by the trace of a finger. we glide, detached ever-watching gods, over suburbs, McMansions, reservoirs, millions of ant-sized lives. this is the place i’m from.

i’m trying to read the book i brought with me for the flight home, but i keep glancing back out the window, checking and checking again the mountains below us, the towns, the tiny toy cars.

i’m on an airplane! my chest is bursting with excitement. an airplane! i’m in the air! i want to shake the person next to me awake and ask how many thousands of feet high he thinks we are, to call over a flight attendant and have him point out landmarks and tell me about cloud formations. i feel like a kid on a school field trip. i’m in the air!

the sky is all around me; i am airborne, i am heavenward. my eyes can’t open wide enough. never put me down, please, i want to tell them. i never want to stand on the ground again.

[danasneighbor]

in an alternate universe, i play the drums. i am fierce and cool and happy, and when i play, you can hear it. i move you – i make the beat. i laugh loud, and often. i’m good at what i do. i learn to play the songs i like; i am well-coordinated, a quick study. i laugh and laugh and laugh. when there is silence i make noise, when there is pain I make music. these are the same thing.

in an alternate universe, i can dance, and i do - creator of noise that i am, i feel every song within and without my body, a shadow rippling across my skin, coursing over me like the rain. every step i take is purposeful. i am immaculate. i am perfect pandemonium. all drums beat in time with my hammering pulse, as if from my own heart.

i gotta believe someday you’ll see / someday you’ll see that there’s something more / yeah, there’s something more / that’s why you’re so bored, cause there’s something more 

[danasneighbor]

my friends

my friends call me dan. my friends fight me to pay for my food. my friends get out of the car to hug me goodbye when they drop me off. my friends remember the things we’ve done together and say, “man, that was such a great day.” my friends like to be in my videos and tell me they watch them over and over again. my friends bring me flowers when i am sad. my friends laugh before i have even finished the joke, because i am laughing already and that’s something you do together. my friends are endlessly distracting me while i’m driving. my friends forgive me and i forgive them. my friends miss me when i’m not around. my friends say, “do you have to go already?” my friends find fun things to do or watch or make and tell me, “we’re doing this together!” my friends laugh with me. my friends laugh at me, and get me to laugh at myself. my friends make me want to create, to document, to stay out late and wake up early, to stick around instead of running away. my friends insist that i deserve their love. my friends are my favorite thing about me.