it's tough
Today is a tough day. It's been long since I last came here to post, and at some point it becomes a safe space to retreat to whenever life gets too overwhelming sometimes.
There's so much going on at this current moment, being a bridesmaid for 2 friends wedding one week after another, a colleague who announced her resignation that I would have to cover half of her workload, and on top of that my own personal rs struggles. All ongoing at the same time while trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle by working out going for pilates and Yoga classes.
It's at this point where I really wish I could reach out to you and rant about how much I have on my plate and have you comfort me, but I can't.
All these busyness could fill up as distraction so that I don't have the time to sit down and dwell on the gaping hole that I feel, but it's the mornings and nights that are the worst. It's not even the end yet but it feels in every way a major rock that I can't get out of my way, covering the road ahead of me leaving me helpless.
I rethink about it again and again, during showers, in the morning when I brush my teeth and at night before I sleep or even when I cry to sleep. It's hard to leave the emotions out but how do you make a decision when your mind is telling you one thing but your heart is saying another? I can never find the right words to describe how I feel before the tears start to swell up in my eyes.
There's distractions but i try not to avoid my feelings, I tell myself to try to process them in the moment but it gets too hard sometimes that I have to take myself out of the thought spiral before I come crashing down.
Maybe after some time, I can figure it out, in due time. Just not today, today is too difficult.
