((I know I havenāt been active in a while and I owe replies on both blogs, Iām really sorry just a lot has been bringing me down lately and itās been hard to get the motivation to RP. I kinda want to vent, if itās alright. Iāll put it under a cut.))
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and we decided to start making plans to move out together. We currently live like an hour apart from each other and donāt see each other as often as we like, so for me this is a REALLY big deal for me. Heās my best friend and heās helped me through a lot and I love him dearly. Iāve been through a lot of shit lately and this is the happiest and most hopeful Iāve been in weeks. Heās been really working hard for both of our sake and Iām incredibly grateful.
So I decided to talk to my dad about it because I figured communicating this sort of thing to my parents was the right thing to do, and while my dad was super protective of me growing up, Iām an adult now so surely heād be supportive, right? lol nope.Ā
At first he started out likeĀ āI guess youāre a grown ass woman now, and you gotta move out sooner or later. I just canāt protect you far away and if anything happens to you Iāll kick his assā etc. etc, like sure, over protective but not totally unreasonable. But then like not even 30 minutes later he starts saying stuff likeĀ āI donāt like the idea of my daughter moving in with some guy without being marriedā andĀ āIām gonna [insert gruesome threat] himā andĀ āIām gonna have a long talk with him before he can have youā and āI donāt know if I want him being responsible for youā Ā and all this other crap and itās likeĀ
IāM AN ADULT HUMAN BEING, IāM NOT SOME OBJECT TO BE GIVEN AWAY OR STOLEN. I AM GOING WITH A MAN THAT I SEE AS MY EQUAL AND COMPANION OUT OF MY OWN FREE WILL.Ā
I can understand if I was like a teenage girl running off with some dude I barely met, but Iām 21 years old and this is someone Iāve been with for 5 years and known for even longer. But even then a lot of the stuff he says is unreasonable and kinda scary. Like growing up he was always super protective, especially after some traumatic stuff that happened when I was little. But heād always be likeĀ āIf a boy even looks at you Iām chopping his dick offā (and I mean heād say this when I was like just 5, 6 years old even) and like the way heād talk heād make it sound like sex was this BAD thing that another person DID TO YOU and you were BAD if you did it. Then when I hit my teenage years he kept asking me if I was gay because I refused to date anyone, and Iād get this speech about how he would eventually like for his kids to get married and have grandchildren. THOSE ARE REALLY BAD MIXED MESSAGES. I felt shameful and dirty for having the most innocent romantic thoughts, and when I first started dating my BF I waited 2 months before I even told anyone because I felt too scared to say anything. After 5 years together weāre still virgins because Iām not allowed to go anywhere or do anything hardly without being afraid of my parents. Probably tmi (sorry) but I can literally count on one hand the number of times weāve even had an intimate kiss.Ā
And hereās the thing: neither of my parents have ever followed these things my dad has been strict about. They werenāt married when they first moved in together, and they werenāt married when my mom became pregnant.
And the reason Iām treated this way is because Iām female. Like if I was a boy, I would have never gone through any of this. I love my dad but I also hate him. A lot of the things my fatherās said to me over these past few years have been terrible, not just about this kind of stuff but about a lot of things. Heās just blatantly, unapologetically sexist and it makes me feel like trash, like Iām unable to be seen as an adult and that Iām a perpetual child. Like his brain is in the middle ages where I need to be bought with a dowry or some shit. Like Iām a possession and a reflection of his reputation. And I wouldnāt be surprised if he literally saw things that way because he literally is diagnosed with mild narcissism. Ā He is always right, you are either with him or against him. My mom tried to even talk to him last night and defend me and he was likeĀ āYOUāRE MY WIFE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING MY SIDE.ā Ā
Fourth of July was a nightmare because of him. Like my BF was visiting and my dad tells himĀ āif you keep listening to these women youāre gonna grow a vagina on your head.ā like HOLY SHIT.Ā I mean heās always been annoying and calling my boyfriend names and stuff when heās not around but SAYING THAT TO HIS FACE. And when my mom got onto him for it he started a huge argument and acted out like a tantruming baby in front of everyone, yelling and throwing a fit.Ā
I just donāt know what to do. I want these to be happy changes and happy steps forward, but my dad makes it so hard. I donāt even know if I can convince him of anything. It just really sucks and I hate it.Ā
