((I know I haven’t been active in a while and I owe replies on both blogs, I’m really sorry just a lot has been bringing me down lately and it’s been hard to get the motivation to RP. I kinda want to vent, if it’s alright. I’ll put it under a cut.))
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and we decided to start making plans to move out together. We currently live like an hour apart from each other and don’t see each other as often as we like, so for me this is a REALLY big deal for me. He’s my best friend and he’s helped me through a lot and I love him dearly. I’ve been through a lot of shit lately and this is the happiest and most hopeful I’ve been in weeks. He’s been really working hard for both of our sake and I’m incredibly grateful.
So I decided to talk to my dad about it because I figured communicating this sort of thing to my parents was the right thing to do, and while my dad was super protective of me growing up, I’m an adult now so surely he’d be supportive, right? lol nope.
At first he started out like “I guess you’re a grown ass woman now, and you gotta move out sooner or later. I just can’t protect you far away and if anything happens to you I’ll kick his ass” etc. etc, like sure, over protective but not totally unreasonable. But then like not even 30 minutes later he starts saying stuff like “I don’t like the idea of my daughter moving in with some guy without being married” and “I’m gonna [insert gruesome threat] him” and “I’m gonna have a long talk with him before he can have you” and “I don’t know if I want him being responsible for you” and all this other crap and it’s like
I’M AN ADULT HUMAN BEING, I’M NOT SOME OBJECT TO BE GIVEN AWAY OR STOLEN. I AM GOING WITH A MAN THAT I SEE AS MY EQUAL AND COMPANION OUT OF MY OWN FREE WILL.
I can understand if I was like a teenage girl running off with some dude I barely met, but I’m 21 years old and this is someone I’ve been with for 5 years and known for even longer. But even then a lot of the stuff he says is unreasonable and kinda scary. Like growing up he was always super protective, especially after some traumatic stuff that happened when I was little. But he’d always be like “If a boy even looks at you I’m chopping his dick off” (and I mean he’d say this when I was like just 5, 6 years old even) and like the way he’d talk he’d make it sound like sex was this BAD thing that another person DID TO YOU and you were BAD if you did it. Then when I hit my teenage years he kept asking me if I was gay because I refused to date anyone, and I’d get this speech about how he would eventually like for his kids to get married and have grandchildren. THOSE ARE REALLY BAD MIXED MESSAGES. I felt shameful and dirty for having the most innocent romantic thoughts, and when I first started dating my BF I waited 2 months before I even told anyone because I felt too scared to say anything. After 5 years together we’re still virgins because I’m not allowed to go anywhere or do anything hardly without being afraid of my parents. Probably tmi (sorry) but I can literally count on one hand the number of times we’ve even had an intimate kiss.
And here’s the thing: neither of my parents have ever followed these things my dad has been strict about. They weren’t married when they first moved in together, and they weren’t married when my mom became pregnant.
And the reason I’m treated this way is because I’m female. Like if I was a boy, I would have never gone through any of this. I love my dad but I also hate him. A lot of the things my father’s said to me over these past few years have been terrible, not just about this kind of stuff but about a lot of things. He’s just blatantly, unapologetically sexist and it makes me feel like trash, like I’m unable to be seen as an adult and that I’m a perpetual child. Like his brain is in the middle ages where I need to be bought with a dowry or some shit. Like I’m a possession and a reflection of his reputation. And I wouldn’t be surprised if he literally saw things that way because he literally is diagnosed with mild narcissism. He is always right, you are either with him or against him. My mom tried to even talk to him last night and defend me and he was like “YOU’RE MY WIFE YOU SHOULD BE TAKING MY SIDE.”
Fourth of July was a nightmare because of him. Like my BF was visiting and my dad tells him “if you keep listening to these women you’re gonna grow a vagina on your head.” like HOLY SHIT. I mean he’s always been annoying and calling my boyfriend names and stuff when he’s not around but SAYING THAT TO HIS FACE. And when my mom got onto him for it he started a huge argument and acted out like a tantruming baby in front of everyone, yelling and throwing a fit.
I just don’t know what to do. I want these to be happy changes and happy steps forward, but my dad makes it so hard. I don’t even know if I can convince him of anything. It just really sucks and I hate it.
