Iâm back! And everything had changed!

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@dangeroustravels
Iâm back! And everything had changed!
damn wow hiÂ
Summer is starting off really well.
âyou werenât ready for it because you werenât ready for what you wanted.âÂ
I just finally feel like Iâm not a young party girl anymore and starting to settle so I just want more permanent things you know so itâs been this total shift
I just donât want to be here anymore.
12:05am. Another day of an emotional roller coaster has come to an end.
Wash. Rinse. Repeat. For weeks. Now months.
some personal shit.
- on paper, everything is great: amazing job. beautiful apartment. my health. financially independent. working car. money saved.Â
- i just have no one to share those things withÂ
- i have deep rooted trust, emotional, and stability issues
- and i think maybe i just found someone i want to share it with and even though we had a great night something in my FUCKED UP head is trying to tell me âthis will end/this will be bad/nope maybe it WAS bad/nope lets overthink everything and completely turn it from one of the best first dates youve ever had to the worstâÂ
- like i left and thought omg amazing and within 24 hours i am completely questioning if it even happened or if it was even good
- but i know it was good
- why do i do tHIS TO MY SELFÂ
- oh it is bc my parents were gaslighters and made me question reality? so i cant have a good experience [romantically] without over analyzing every minute of the date and driving myself insane?Â
theres so much more to say/i cant even/who gives a fuck/i cant fucking EVENÂ
they ask me if I still think about you, only all the time
why is doing everything at night better
No amount of sleep could cure the tiredness I feel. (Depleted)
I rarely drive home without music or the radio on.
But tonight I turned it off. And thatâs how you know itâs bad.
will I always feel alone?