elle

not creative, judge me not

[danieeeruuu]

She succumbed in her wrecked thoughts. Words sunk deeper in her mind,

"You're an option."

"You'll never be enough."

"You're nothing."

"Second option."

Each letters crushed her heart, and soul.

She accepted it all. No one will understand her, no person can understand her. She will be alone for the rest of her life.

Every bitter words in her mind, stabbed her a million times.

She waved the white flag, and embraced each words.

Accepting every cut of those bitter truth, until it became her.

[danieeeruuu]

Then you ask me, “What can you say about the things we have?” The ambiguous intense look we share in our eyes, that feels invasive and vulnerable at the same time, showed me that you want a honest answer.

We are like stars from different universe. We aren’t destined to meet. But we still know that we exist. We communicate through the time and space in between us. Observing from afar.

I broke our eye contact, and start looking at the stars above us.

“Antithetical…” a smile in my lips formed.

[danieeeruuu]

Its the time of the year again. Been living in this messy world for two decades. Surprised? Yes, because in those years, I've experienced a lot. But that doesn't change the fact that I'm still alive and (barely) living.

Its been a long time since I've post something in this social platform and only a few people will be able to read this. But I would like to thank God for giving me this life. That is a rollercoaster journey for me. I might not be that intimate as I am with Him today, but my heart is greatful for without His help my years might be shortened. God help me every step of the way and I am happy because I genuinely know Him.

At this moment, my longingness for my father is evident. I'm sure if he is still with us, he'll be the first one to greet me. His hugs and random jokes, I miss them so much. People might think that I've moved on, but it still and will always be painful. My father is my inspiration why I pursued something high, he is also my silent guardian whose presence is enough for me to calm down. I miss him.

Anyways, this should be a creative thing for me but I ended up being dramatic.

Here's for my 20th!

[danieeeruuu]

The inaudible echoes of thoughts became voice that pierced within our soul. Those audible words enlightened my clouded mind, that I am closer to the edge. Barely keeping my foot to take the leap to an unending sorrow.

The heart that was once whole, now shattered into tiny pieces.

The peaceful soul that dances with the air, now mourns and lost its way back.

The gleaming eyes, now dark as the night sky.

At last, I was able to decipher what is happening to me.

[danieeeruuu]

Hands trembling as I gently press the buttons in the phone. My  mind and loud heart were made me weaker as the ringing sound lingers in my ear.

I was never this nervous since then. But when the news broke out, a very familiar yet unusual emotions conquered me. Sadness, disappointment, fear, doubt, and even anxiousness were all evident.

I convinced myself that everything is ok. That the providence is still the best for me. Happiness envelop my anxious heart and mind. And as usual, I was back to the old me.

Trying to be optimistic about everything.

Trying to understand everything.

Trying to trust the providence.

Trying to focus myself to the things in front of me.

But hours past by, when the bright day becomes a dark night. The unsettling feeling escaped the cage of happiness that I built. Questions started to flow like spring.

Then I told myself, I must be used to this feeling because this monster still controls me up until now.

Silly me, thinking that I was alright.

[danieeeruuu]

In the middle of night,

As darkness come nigh.

The sky is dark,

And so am I.

Its devouring my heart

And willingly I surrender.

I saw a silver,

Showing its beauty.

As the darkness devour,

It now controls mine.

My hand reaches the silver line,

The crimson liquid starts to come.

Pain never reaches my heart,

As the crimson stain drop.

The only thing that I feel now,

Is the pain that was in me months ago.

I reach for the beautiful silver,

So clean and so shinny,

That it helps me

See my reflection.

Thus the shinny silver,

Gives me more courage

To pierce it deeply

Beneath my skin.

Before the clock

Ticks at ten.

The shinny silver,

Is now in my chest.

Crimson liquid,

Drops out of my mouth.

Crimson stain,

Is all over my chest.

I close my dying eyes,

With my lips curved

And use my last energy

To say goodbye.

[danieeeruuu]

Compliment

Compliment,

A bandaid;

To aid

Deep wounds.

Compliment,

A make up;

To hide

Hideous scars.

Compliment,

A medicine;

Taken by the weak

To boost their strength.

Compliment,

A sugar coated lie;

Sweet coated candy,

But is filled with lie and bitterness.

[danieeeruuu]

Paper and Pen

Paper and pen,

The tool of the one,

Who makes people's 

Eyes open.

Paper and pen

The voice of the one,

Whose mouth was shut off

By the world.

Paper and pen,

A knife

For people whose hearts

Are binded with lies.

Paper and pen,

A peek

Of one's soul

Past, present or even future.

Paper and pen,

A very powerful one

That can break or mold

Ones mind, heart, and soul.

[danieeeruuu]

Everybody has this side, an unknown side. A side that no one has ever seen.

And that side is scary, by the fact that it is unseen. That only YOU could see it. Because YOU have the tendency to break or to handle it with strength. This side can make or break you.

But not all could see this side of theirs. Because they can't even decipher the codes in that side of them. Thus, this people tend to keep it hidden under their ownselves. So that it will not come to surface. And this people have the tendency to be broken inside, but was hidden by they're smiles and laughter.

[danieeeruuu]

Once, I've felt everything. Until everything is the reason why I became numb.

I was hopeful at first, but became tired of hope itself.

I was shattered and teared apart, and will never be whole.

I've learned to escape reality and until now I'm still caged by my own world. And have decided to detach myself to the real world. Because I am tired.

But one day, I cried because even if I caged myself, reality will find its way to crawl into my own cage. I cried because I am tired.

Tired of finding back my strong self. Tired of hoping to be stronger. Tired of being whole again. Tired of feeling everything again. Tired of reality itself.

Because once I felt everything and everything makes me numb.

[danieeeruuu]

Here’s to you who has everything but lacks decisiveness.

Hi, this is for you. I do believe that you are blessed. Small things is a blessing. Rain is a blessing. Trials is a blessing. All you have right now is a blessing. Everyone loves you and will understand you. All you need to do is to be courageous enough to make decision. If you’re still confuse about what is the right thing to do, ask God. Pray to God and ask for guidance.

Here’s to you who wants to change but is afraid to change.

Hello, this is for you. Its true, changing things that you have been comfortable for such a long time, is hard. But change means growth and maturity. Changing means you are aware of the things that needs to be good. Change is not for the people around you. Like a caterpillar evolving into a beautiful butterfly, we humans evolve to our better version. Be confident, and trust God. He will help you to evolve to a better you. Accept change and do not be afraid, He is there to guide you until you become what He wants you to be.

Here’s to you who have gone thru a lot of things and is doubting his/her worth.

Hey! You did a great job. Despite of everything you have gone thru, you are still alive and reading this. Every trials and temptations we face will make us stronger. So hold on tight and trust Him.

I may not know you personally, but do not doubt your worth. Just because someone leaves you or an opportunity is loss means you’re worthless. You are more than a yes or a no. You are a masterpiece created by God. You are precious in His sight. You are His. He loves you more than anything, that He gave His Son for us to live.

[hasmenie-blog]

Be the love you never received

-Mr. Rommel Pamaos

[danieeeruuu]

💚

[danieeeruuu]

"Open your eyes." Whispered by an unknown voice. As she open her eyes, trees with pink flowers and the cold rush of the wind welcomes her. The leaves of the trees dancing in the cold wind, makes her smile, a smile that she forgot to do, a genuine smile.

"Finally," the voice says, "I hope that smile will last long." A warm hand touches hers. She looks at the hand of the guy who is holding her, then to his face.

Shock is vivid in her face. "Is this a dream?" She asked while looking to the guy.

"No, this is not a dream." He held her hand tight. He doesn't want her to slip away from him. He wants her.

"But how can I understand you? How can I-" he hugs her. He wants to cherish every little moments they have. He wants to seize each moment and be happy that she is with him.

"Whatever happens and will happen, just hold tight. You can do it." He held her hand once more. "Wait for me." He says, then he puts his hand to her eyes.

Darkness...

Darkness...

All she could see is darkness.

She wants to see him. She wants to ask why will she wait. She wants answers. So she opened her eyes.

Brown ceiling.

Music playing.

Birds chirping.

Hot temperature.

People laughing and talking.

"Its just a dream." She says, "a dream that will be kept in my heart.

I'll see you soon."

[hecallsmelovely]

http://instagram.com/brittzy (by Brittney Borowski)

[toknowyourname]

If God has made your cup sweet, drink it with grace; or even if He has made it bitter, drink it in communion with Him. If the providential will of God means a hard and difficult time for you, go through it.

My Utmost - Oswald Chambers (via toknowyourname)

[danieeeruuu]

I want to scream everything. For them to know that I am still hurting. I want to scream on top of my lungs. For them to realize that I lose something. I want to scream it all. But I can't. Because everything is now alright. Everything is in its right position. Everything is getting back to normal.

How can you have the guts ruin something that is now good. How can you have the guts to change the things that is now on its proper place.

Please tell it to me. Please tell me that I need to stop this fantasies. Please tell me to shut my mouth. Please help me stop.

[danieeeruuu]

Ava wakes up with silence. She gets up to bed and do her morning rituals with silence. She steps out of her house and went to her school with silence in her heart.

Once, Ava's life is full of joyous noise. She wakes up with the music of a chirping bird. She gets up to bed and do her morning rituals with a song on her lips. She steps out of her house and went to school with a music in her heart.

As she walks in their school hall, Ava dances in the song that her heart sings. She moves with joy and grace. Ava saw the guy who is one of the reason why her heart sings with joy and her feet dances with grace. Ava saw him and she thought he saw her.

One day, Ava gained the courage she need to sing a song for him. She wanted him to hear the music in her heart. But the guy is already listening to someone's music. The music that will never be Ava's music. The music that will never be owned by the guy. A music that is stolen from an unexpected girl.

From then on, Ava became silent. Her music was never to be found. She kept it all by herself. To save things for herself. She believed that her music must be kept silent. Everyday Ava saw him, and she wanted to shout and tell him to hear her. To listen to her voice. To listen to her music.

But the guy muted her a long time ago... even if she tries to shout. She will always be silent to his ears. Ava will always be silent to him.