dankland

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Bunny Scheisse hid ‘Easter Eggs’ all over the mall by taking discrete shits in stores, hallways, and elevators.

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Bad drugs convinced Jehoshaphat that he was a god. He was arrested running naked through the park, throwing ‘lightning bolts’ at joggers.

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Jill Jives the Horsebacked Horror robbed 23 country banks with her horse Bandit. Cop cars can’t chase through woods.

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Dr Jim Bogie called all his bottles ‘my babies.’ Whenever he drank one he wept with shame, and buried it in the backyard.

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When Cecelia Pinn turned 17 she recorded 900 punk songs in a year, gave all the cassettes to Goodwill, and cut her throat.

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Booger used to sleep in the street all day and wouldn’t move for anyone. I had a lot of respect for that dog.

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Pimple Dabrat and her cult kidnapped more than 40 people over a 2 year span, performing for them whether they liked it or not.

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The Evangelist believed that Dolly Parton was an angel sent to save the world. He handed out her records to everyone.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=q8RdmlkIoOY

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Molly Vollo owned 400 wigs, one for each day, to hide the naked skull that kept her troubled mind.

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David Ling asked God for a pea brain. He was so tired of thinking! So God showed him some mercy. Feathers grew. David spent the rest of his days flapping and eating worms. 

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Stone Donnatio closed her bloodshot eyes and saw that everything was smoke: soft, effusive, & vanishing in the wind.

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Jerry Fucko wanted to play guitar for the The Mummies. They hated him and beat his ass, but he never took off his rags.

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Josephine Spat took a nap one afternoon and never got up again. Life was so boring, and all her dreams were musicals.

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Zigg’s sweat could heal people. All you needed was one silver bead plucked from his skin. One night with him could make you live forever.

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Chow Drzeo wanted to be a tree, stretching still on the earth for 75 years. In winter and warm. A noiseless life.

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Delphonso Niff was a dolphin born into the body of a man. All day he’d sit in the beach’s shallows, deep water in mind.

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Tom Ron died in his sleep, passing from one unconscious state to another like a droplet falling from cloud to sea.