SENTINEL

indie alex danvers,  as loved by steph

[danviers]

DANVIERS.     indie, selective alex danvers from CBS / the CW’s supergirl,  mostly canon compliant through all seasons excluding crisis on earth x and infinite earths.  sporadic activity.    open to AUs and pre-plotted canon divergence.     OC, DC comics / DCU and crossover friendly, with verses for the boys and more.     est 02.21.  loved by steph  ( 30+, she / her ).

affiliated with... @reignthem, @heroheart

exploring themes such as ...  the protective big sister,  weight of the world responsibility,  a hero without a cape,  &  growing into one’s authentic self.

carrd.                            other blogs:  @sc4torccio, @ltnsingh

[danviers]

@swallowpitted asked: is it so wrong to bend the rules just once? /kara

“ this isn't like staying out past curfew, or — or going flying at night when we were kids, ” alex’s rebuke sliced through the room like a fine wire, livid and incisive and just shy of the overwrought, yet well - founded snap of a shout. " you knew that it was dangerous, and you went out there anyway. "

the timbre of her voice quivered with the restless flex of her fingers, the relentless, uneasy tread of her foot - falls on the med bay tile; a pace that only the steel - barred foot of the sunlamp hovering over kara’s assigned bed could bring to a halt. doused in the backwash of the terror she’d felt seeing kara in the midst of such chaos, such a media frenzy, she couldn’t quite summon the patience to feel sorry for the abrasion in her voice.

years at the DEO had taught her to suppress her fears, to co - exist with the human instinct to panic; to shove it all down deep enough to overcome the hardships that came with fighting on the front line, but nothing could have shelved it this time — not when she’d already suffered the loss of her father down the very same path she'd followed. not when he'd died for kara's secret.

it wasn’t difficult to conceptualise a supergirl leeched of her strength and stripped of her dignity for the benefit of some off - books experiment. ( kara’s power was non - negotiable, and alex’s faith in her uncorruptible — and yet even the slightest whisper of attention surrounding her sister's vicinity had sent a thunderbolt through her. )

“ I know that you think that you can just defy the odds, kara, but you can’t. because if anything had gone wrong, you could have been caught. " or hurt, she neglected to add; or worse. " and I couldn’t live with myself if you had. "

[danviers]

out. no thoughts, just the reminder that alex can choke a person into unconsciousness with her thighs

[danviers]

@swallowpitted asked: i understand you're in a lot of pain. good. / swallowpitted +lex

" you know, you talk a really big game for someone so small. " despite the swollen, split lip she found herself sporting, a thread of revulsion colored the slight slur of alex's voice with all the potency of snake venom.

in the nondescript sterility of the room around her, lex's trim, lurking shape all but blurred into a halo in alex's peripheral. the lack of focus there seemed entirely impervious to any attempt she made to blink it away — as immune to the passage of time, however protracted it seemed, as the fuzz swimming in her vision, the ringing in her ears; the nerve - searing pain striking its way through each purposely broken bone in the back of her left hand and up underneath the scuffed gleam of her wedding band.

fight him though she couldn't, there were still ways to chip at lex luthor. things that she knew might irk him, even with her wrists tied.

contrary to the evidence on display, he was only human.

" you can keep this up all you want, " she needled, with a flash of blood - pinkened teeth. all the time in his self - centered universe wouldn't tip the scales in his favor. not as long as the dangling carrot that comprised the identity of the newest kryptonian in town remained in his twisted purview. " you're wasting your time. "

[alexdanversdaily]

SUPERGIRL | 3.23 Battles Lost and Won

[notmorbid]

smallville: season 6 [3/3].

dialogue prompts from the sixth season of the wb's smallville.

letting go of _____ is the hardest thing i've ever had to do.

i can't keep turning my back on the truth.

it's okay to be nervous.

i honestly don't know what my life is without her.

what was so urgent it couldn't wait?

i don't give in to blackmail.

no one sinks as low as you without being driven by desperation.

is it so wrong to bend the rules just once?

when it comes to protecting ourselves, we do what we have to do.

[name]. look at me.

you didn't sleep at all last night, did you?

i guess i always thought you'd sweep in at the last minute and save the day. but you're not going to do that, are you?

____ was trying to protect me.

do you sit up at night practicing this stuff?

everything happened so quickly. i feel like i'm still trying to catch up.

punch me. not too hard, just enough to make it look real.

part of being in love is learning to let go.

how can i make the pain go away?

something tells me those aren't happy tears.

saying it out loud makes it more real.

you're more talented than you give yourself credit for.

i feel like i've lost so much.

i'm going to get through this like i always do.

i already lost you once. i'm not gonna do it again.

i have some pretty amazing resources at my disposal.

it's like i'm a human weapon.

haven't you done anything crazy for love?

maybe some tea would help with the nerves.

i understand you're in a lot of pain. good.

i stopped expecting you to act like a friend a long time ago.

i'm gonna cuddle up with a movie. any genre preference?

what kind of a person would lie like that?

nothing could have stopped me from loving you. nothing.

i don't know what i did to deserve you.

no one can completely change who they are.

your greatest strength might also be your greatest weakness.

seems a lot of people got a lot of ideas about me.

you're so confident and so brave, and i'm so afraid.

i wonder if you could spare a bit of your strength for me? please?

eyes back in your head, ______.

i didn't peg you for the kind of guy with a secret identity.

have i been so lonely i've started making up stories to amuse myself?

i couldn't bear it if anything happened to you.

don't worry, i kept my word. i'm here alone.

you played me right from the very start.

those are some eyes that you have.

what have you gotten yourself into?

you're holding back something from me, aren't you?

you're independent and not afraid to get your hands dirty.

you should try picking up a phone, occasionally.

get your hands off me, you fascist.

i know that look. it's usually followed by you almost getting yourself killed.

we all have our secrets. sometimes we have to keep them to protect the people we care about.

what happened? how did you end up like this?

you have to fight this.

you're gonna be okay. i'm gonna go get help.

they'll never stop trying to control me.

you're not a cat. don't skulk around like one.

whatever debt you think i still owe you, we are even.

i don't trust you. i don't trust anyone anymore.

i'm getting out of here, and i'm never coming back.

you can't die. i love you too much.

'hope' isn't a word in my vocabulary. i need results.

[sunlightreverie]

words bubble up from her lung until lena's heart feels suffocated with them. the pressure in her ribcage builds, catching in her throat until it threatens to leak from the corner of her eyes.

she doesn't want to cry about this, damn it. there's been enough tears that her pillowcase has salt stains, her cheeks turned red and raw from the moisture and friction of swiping hands. lena's had her heart broken enough times that she thinks the well should be dry by now, that there shouldn't be anything left to spill from a vessel so shattered.

she looks up, blinking furiously as her visions swims anyway.

"----is it bad that i can understand it?" she asks, a bitter smile pulling at her lips as she tries to blink away the tears. "i wouldn't have trusted me, either."

of course supergirl was leery of a luthor. of course her deo-affiliated sister and their friends would be leery with such a secret. she remembers the days clark used to be at lex's place all too well, their friendship 'one for the ages.'

a yet still.... she wishes it were different.

wishes she were different.

"every time i think about calling her, or stopping by..." she swallows heavy, tries to release the pressure with a sigh. "perhaps it's best if i just... let her go. let you all go."

[danviers]

" it isn't like that, " alex implored, her dismissal of that sentiment paired with an ardent shake of her head; a remorse - heavy breath that swelled painfully, staunchly in her chest.

" we didn't keep this from you because you were untrustworthy, or because of your name. it's just... it's dangerous, knowing everything. I mean, I have spent more than a decade keeping my sister's secret. " keeping her safe from the world's unending scrutiny and the likes of lex, of cadmus, or ruthless ben lockwood — it'd become second nature: as intrinsic as simply breathing, as hardwired into her as every minuscule nucleotide that comprised her dna. " and knowing that anyone could find out, and use that to get to her somehow... it still terrifies me. "

it always had. always would.

the instances in which alex had felt anything but faith in the woman before her had long since faded, every misgiving, every moment of inqeuitable doubt she'd ever had about lena's motives — lena's methods — having fallen away into a pastiche of memory and lessons learned.

" but you're not to blame for all of this, lena, " she pressed, softly, solemnly. " and I won't hold it against you if you don't believe what I have to say, but — you belong here. you always have. "

[greenarrow]

❝  what can i do to help? ❞

@danviers.

[danviers]

" just... see if you can dig up anything, " was the only answer alex could provide; a half - cocked one, but still honest. still earnest, despite everything. " if he knows the truth about clark, then he knows about my sister. "

[danviers]

@queensupe asked: you can’t be here.

snapping off one of her nitrile gloves — a requirement that came with crossing the police - tape boundaries of any crime scene, not excepting the less macabre, less rife with carnage — , alex drew back from the remnants of gore beginning to crust into the tire - marked asphalt, and rose up, without betraying a shred of surprise, from her haunches.

it was hardly the first time they'd crossed paths like this; queen maeve, all bright burnished armor and fresh blowout, and her bearing the emblem of the FBSA printed across her windbreaker. but to have this discussion now, out in the open, when there'd been too many near misses already ( when homelander had been sniffing around, like some psychopathic, yet laser - focused bloodhound ) was a slip - up not worth imagining.

and yet she couldn't just stay away. not with so much clean up left to do — so much evidence still to sort through.

" I have a job to do, " alex proffered, perfectly cordial, yet still cautious not to let anything slip past her outward detachment, given the buzzy presence of vought - sponsored tabloid journalists on the scene, no doubt ready to spin the incident in their midst in the supes' favor; the proximity of cameras, somewhere past the inner - city traffic stoppage. the uneasy, persistently hair - raising presence of the seven's leader, hovering off in the distance.

" someone called in an anonymous tip, " she supplied, like it ought to be obvious. " I guess I didn't realise that this investigation needed a photo op. "

[000l]

but i can’t exist in a world without you

[robin-buckely]

SUPERGIRL | S03E02 “Triggers”

[danviers]

@lancclct asked: where you headed?

" I was heading home, " alex acquiesced, without hesitating — an honest admission chased by the clink of her beer glass leaving the liquor - sticky bar and a long, decisive swallow of the last of its contents.

it was an inevitability, that she'd find herself back there: fuzzy with enervation and booze and alone in a place she couldn't feasibly avoid forever. though she ghost of maggie sawyer's absence had started to fade, it still felt less homely than the inviting breadth of her sister's loft, or even the sand - dusted, beachside time capsule that was her childhood home back in midvale. still felt lifeless and cold, now that there were countless happy memories, fractured by her own decision, to set her solitude so starkly against.

turning to sara, elbow still braced against the bar, alex sent back a prudent glance. the beginning of a melancholic, yet gracious half - smile, too, that lacked any long - forgotten awkwardness, any real unfamiliarity.

home, in its persisting isolation, could stand to wait a little longer.

" but if you want, I, uh... I could use another drink. "

[reignthem]

" well, " sam reasons. the cold clutch of dread's hand still binds tightly in her chest, but with alex's eyes blinking open, it at least loosens. " you kind of did. "

she searches, then, in her lover's dawning awareness, for any hint of remembrance of the scene just before she'd crashed hard against concrete. is there any part of her that looks at sam now and recognizes the crimson swoosh flashing faster than the speeding bullet that had pierced her flesh, any flicker that pieces together that sam behind the glasses is the same behind superwoman's cowl?

it isn't important.

not now, when alex could have ...

" the better part of a day, " sam answers earnestly. she leans her elbows to the tops of her knees, lips touching the rounds of alex's knuckles. " you really had us worried. "

" ruby & me both. " a reassuring nod. " ruby's okay. thanks to you. " a rough sigh escapes the chilly grip that clutches at her rib cage. " god. i don't even want to think about what could have happened if you hadn't been there. do you ... remember anything? "

[danviers]

a gritty exhale scratched the back of alex’s throat:  a still slightly torpid response to the sudden influx of stimuli in the room around her, stilted for a moment by the bruising ache sitting behind her breastbone — in her fractured collarbone and down into her shoulder — , that felt unsure on the tip of her tongue. unclear, not entirely unlike the fuzzy halo of bright - white clinical light that situated itself behind sam's silhouette at her bedside. " yeah, well, what they don't tell you at bootcamp is how much it actually hurts. "

still, it was what she'd been trained for; to walk into the line of fire. to defend, to fight; to protect the planet and her family, with little more than a few years of intense training and an arsenal of military - grade firepower to back up her human limitations.

beneath the drive and purpose that'd pushed her out into the alien firefight she'd found herself in, alex found herself recalling a split - second of a flash of something else before everything had gone dark — a sound that'd rung immutably familiar to her. a sonic boom, almost, like the rush of a pair of missile - like boots lifting off the ground.

nothing that could eclipse the worry gleaming bright in sam's eyes.

" I remember telling ruby to hide, and then... I don't know — it's all just a blur, " she ceded, the hand not captured in her girlfriend's tender hold finally moving to brace against the hospital sheets as if in readiness to help her rise. " I'm just so relieved that you weren't caught up in all this. "

[sunlightreverie]

apologizing didn't always come easy. the professional, placating words in the boardroom to appease men, to soften herself in order to bend them to her will -- those came easy as a well-practiced act. but genuine apologies to people she cared about...

the lump in her throat threatened to choke her with its grip.

"it... hurts," she admits, voice catching around the beat of her heart. "i don't like being the last to know something, but it's worse when it's people i trust."

how many people can fit on that list anymore? for years it was just lex, and her father. andrea whittled herself a space against lena's own plans, but since lex's downfall, it had just been them: the 'super' friends, a group with little to no reason to trust each other at all.

but she had. and they hurt each other in the process.

"i don't know how to talk to her anymore." the words are quiet, near a whisper. "it was easier to lash out than to let it in."

[danviers]

almost akin to a slowly cresting ache that started somewhere deep in the pit of her stomach, a shiver of guilt made its way, low, through alex's sternum. a feeling not dissimilar to her than the lingering, consequent contrition that'd come with every other lie by omission she'd made in the past; a feeling not unfamiliar in the slightest, but completely commonplace, given every covert mission she'd ever embarked on. every precarious secret she'd ever harbored.

if there was one thing she'd found herself believing in, beyond her superpowered little sister, it was the enduring grit of lena's integrity; her heart. her desire to take the generational darkness she’d been dealt and channel it into something better. something good.  

and still that sense of trust hadn't been enough to ease down the walls alex had helped build around kara and her true origins.

“ I know — and I know that you have been burned… dozens of times, " she offered, like that might take some of the sting out of all the well - meaning deception. " I never meant to add to that. none of us did. " it'd been too risky, granted the nature of lena's standing. too unfathomable, until the time for honesty had passed into the realm of too late. " she's still the same kara that you've always known, " she affixed, gingerly, earnestly. " and she never wanted to keep you in the dark, but... it's complicated. "

[danviers]

re alex's the boys verse. alex works for a covert division of the federal bureau of superhuman affairs. she distrusts vought and its management, and, unbeknownst to almost everyone, has eyes on the inside as the older adoptive sister of a superhero.

when the bureau is dissolved by homelander and vought, alex is disappeared by the corrupt administration along with many of the FBSA's former agents and collaborators and detained at a black ops internment facility until she manages to wrangle her escape. once she's on the outside, she goes into hiding, yet still continues in the fight against homelander's influence. post - series, alex returns to the newly re- established bureau, rising to the rank of deputy director.

[lancclct]

TXT MESSAGES: featuring: @danviers — ( sms ) : I think you have the wrong number

[ SMS • BADASS DANVERS ] i highly doubt it. [ SMS • BADASS DANVERS ] if so, that'd be a first for Gideon. [ SMS • BADASS DANVERS ] but, just to be on the safe side, this is Kara Danvers kickass older sister Alex, right?

[danviers]

[ sms > unknown number ] : I, yeah.... that's me.

for a moment, a thread of hesitation kept alex's thumb hovering just shy of her phone's screen; a frisson of curiosity, awash in the faintest prickle of bewilderment.

how an interdimensional intelligence had managed to pick up her number, given the deo's security protocols, seemed a complication worth ruminating over — but she shelved that thought elsewhere. it was hardly an every day occurrence that sara lance, of everyone she'd ever crossed paths with, re - emerged into her life.

[ sms > unknown number ] : you know, I'm a little surprised that you decided to reach out. [ sms > unknown number ] : I mean, it's been a long time.

[danviers]

DANVIERS.    indie  &  selective  alex danvers  from the CW  /  CBS  supergirl,  with verses for the boys & stargirl.     established 02.21. a study in the protective big sister;   weight of the world responsibility;  a hero without a cape;  growing into one’s authentic self.

written  by  steph.    /  ©