i don't know if her fans discern this but there is something tragically ironic and hypocritical about lyanna's fate.
she did not want to marry robert because he had bastards before marriage and would be unfaithful (&she was not wrong; we hate bobby b in da house) but then she ran away with an unfaithful MARRIED man who already had 2 KIDS - he was cheating on his wife WITH HER and SHE HAD HIS BASTARD??? like girl the hypocrisy is???
unless she was actually forced, grrm was definitely playing irony/hypocrisy here because how can you blame one guy for having pre marriage bastards as a reason to not marry him WHEN you supposedly love a married guy who is actively cheating on his wife and having bastards with you...
imo grrm meant rhelya story more as a tragedy than romance. it's a cautionary tale in westeros more than a romantic one. aside from the personal harm, their elopement was a major inducement to war, consequently overthrowing targ dynasty amidst much bloodshed. as a dany fan, i blame aerys and rhaegar more than ned, arryn or robert for her exile from westeros. dany's father and brother were largely responsible for the whole mess, the others especially ned were only reacting to their actions.
also even if one removes the factor of rhaegar having wife and kids from rh*elya equation (a factor which is very important within the main storyline) a 14 year old minor groomed to elope by an adult man for prophecy sake and her ending up dead alone away from home is in NO WAY romantic to me. him having wife and kids makes the whole deal worse. it's gross and people who ship them are disturbing.
i really do believe that rha*lya is, in fact, meant to make readers question things and create discomfort. as much as i love elia's character, i do believe a large part of her creation was to make the readers uncomfortable with rhaegar's actions. even if they weren't in love, it doesn't excuse the humiliation rhaegar caused her at harrenhal and him abandoning his wife after she nearly died giving birth to his two kids. if grrm wanted rhaelya to purely be an epic romance, lovey-dovey couple, he would've omitted rhaegar being married (unless grrm has a cheating kink, then that's a whole different matter)... so, i do agree with your point! they are definitely meant to be tragic rather than romantic.
i mean, even some of grrm's comparisons to them include romeo and juliet (aka THE most tragic couple, probs idk) and some incredibly questionable and problematic pairings as seen below:
(if you didn't know, paula jones was an employee under bill clinton and sued him for SA. sally hemming was thomas jefferson's slave... tbf grrm was quite insensitive for this comparison)
but i do believe regardless of maybe the initial infatuation between the pair, i like to theorise that lyanna did want to go home after hearing what happened to rickard and brandon (tho i suppose rhaegar could've just not told her, which doesn't help the situation). plus, this whole situation for me just screams teenage hormones and impulsiveness from lyanna's side. the poor girl didn't want to marry robert (fair enough) and she was clearly looking for a way out. i believe even if lyanna never met rhaegar, she would've tried to run away or find another out from the marriage.
i've already stated this multiple times but we always hear about how rhaegar was in love and yadda yadda. but we never get a perspective from lyanna. i do believe lyanna loved jon, but she probs regretted doing what she did. i mean she was 16 when she died, ik looking back i regret stuff i did at 16. bc at that age, we aren't adults. we are still children, regardless of westeros' age of consent.
also for the whole daenerys + exile situation, i do agree that aerys possesses 80% of the blame. but i hate when people pretend rhaegar was completely innocent. if broski didn't run away/kidnap lyanna, this whole rebellion could have at least been avoided or postponed. which would have given him time to kill aerys. or idk deal with him. ik rhaegar's whole trope is love is the death of duty, but when your father's as batshit crazy as aerys, i think it's more important to do your duty. also the reason robert hated the targaryens that much was a largely due to rhaegar taking lyanna...
anyway, sorry i yapped again! but yes anon, i do think rhaelya is definitely more nuanced than romantic star-crossed lovers (sorry i'm writing this half-asleep, it probably doesn't make much sense!)