Queen.

Darcy Belmonte. forget what you heard, kids. it doesn't take a gun to rule launceston. First daughter of the United States Businesswoman.

[darcellabelmonte]

@Veronika. [text]

Darcy: Literally can't stand you.

Darcy: But also, please tell me you're coming to Damon's rich people circus...

Darcy: Do you know the only thing worse than a white tie ball, Veronika? A white tie ball in which everyone spends all night crying over how awesome a dead woman was. Salad fork me in the whole throat.

[darcellabelmonte]

gregoryhennessy:

Looks like I made it back just in time for a party. Would it be to early to say the party has arrived?

You have literally never been the party in your entire life. In fact, didn’t you make a living standing around outside of them?

Did you bring the carrot? Be careful she doesn’t burst into flames.

[darcellabelmonte]

laraxrutherford:

Ah yes, you most have many friends in Porto now. It seems that everyone wanted a change of scenery, to enjoy the sun a little bit.

I’m sure going all out was the only way to go. After all, someone like you deserved to be spoil even more.

I’ll let my father know Jacob is in town. I’m sure Constance will want to host some diner as a foursome.

Amir and I are no longer together and yes, we managed to remain very close friend. It’s not awkward at all. Not everyone wants to play wife.

Can’t honestly say I’ll miss most of the familiar faces around here, though. Enjoy. I’m sure they won’t cause any more trouble after Versailles.

Obviously.

Now that would be lovely. Constance and I always have such productive little chats about you. I’m sure she’ll update me on whatever we don’t get to during this conversation. She’s good like that.

That’s a shame. I mean, I was rooting for you guys. Can’t speak for everyone else...but hey! If you’re not game for playing wife with him, I know a shit load of my girlfriends that would jump at the opportunity. Thanks for letting me know! I’ll be sure to give him a call and pass on some numbers.

[darcellabelmonte]

jacobdavenport:

I’m sorry you don’t like my opinion on marriage, it’s a shift in our culture. Marriage rates have been declining since the mid-2000s and this is California. Celebrity marriages are abysmal. I know you’re being sarcastic, but I don’t think I am being insufferable. People are going to disagree with you unless you pay them not to. Does it help that even though I think marriage as a ceremony is useless and I think two people can stay together in monogamous relationship with or with out a piece of paper, I wanted two my friends to get married. Cause even intellectuals like me get caught up in the love hoopla.  

If that was a sincere apology, it shouldn’t have been. You don’t have to apologize for the opinon just because I don’t agree. You are being insufferable, though. You do realize that you literally sound like a Wikipedia page? I don’t want to talk to a Wikipedia page.

Well, I’m glad we have intellectuals like you to let us know about these important things. Us normal peasant folk would be lost without you.

For the record? I’m Jewish. That’s why I care about my marriage. It’s not just a ‘piece of paper’ to everyone. Maybe keep in mind that everyone is not you.

[darcellabelmonte]

odile-stpierre:

You don’t say… I wasn’t there long enough to know, but I’ll keep that in mind, should I decide to visit.

It’s a pleasure as well, Darcy. You aren’t partial to the California sun, is that it? I think it’s quite lovely, compared to the east coast, no?

Damn, girl. You’re missing out. Definitely pay more attention if you go back.

I mean, I spent most of my life on the East Coast and in London? Me and sunshine aren’t really compatible. Where are you from? I like your accent a lot.

[darcellabelmonte]

stclairfran:

Hey, bitch. I’m visiting my niece, your future step-daughter.  Now that truly is a disturbing thought.

Glad to see you, too, Darce. You’re practically family now.

Please stop. Do you even understand how much she hates me? 

Practically family. Never thought we’d be saying those words.

So what do you think of Porto? Going to stick around for good, or would you miss me and Launceston too much?

[darcellabelmonte]

jacobdavenport:

Yeah, I forgot about you for a second, apologies.

I feel like if there were a third person here, they would have shouted burn. Maybe it’s not too late, I can call up Ashton Kutcher. Is this because you’re married or getting married? Don’t worry, yours in the exception. 

Please don’t apologize. In fact, feel free to do it again at any time.

What a wasted opportunity. Maybe I should just hire a guy to follow me around and do it for me?

Yes, as a matter of fact. I am, and I’m absolutely devastated by your opinion on marriage. I’m not even sure I can go through with it now, to be honest. It has nothing to do with the fact you went from cute-quirky to insufferable in twenty seconds. Nothing at all.

[darcellabelmonte]

jacobdavenport:

You know how much weddings cost…actually…do you know how much weddings cost. I’ve got to look into wedding crap, I bet you can make a pretty penny. If two people love each other what does it matter, a piece of paper, a dress. Just be with each other. And before you ask my parents are happily married. I am not a product of divorce. 

Did you just have a conversation with yourself..?

On the upside, I’m now absolutely convinced you’ll never have to worry about the personal cost of a wedding. You’re right. 

[darcellabelmonte]

laraxrutherford:

Always such a pleasure. Are you in town for long?

What a lovely rock on your finger. Is your fiancé with you? I’m sure my father would love to reminiscence about old days with him.

A few weeks, maybe? I’ve had more people to catch up with than I’d expected.

Isn’t it just? I mean, I’m a girl that loves shiny things, and I appreciate that Jacob went all out...but even with a Secret Service detail, the insurance on it was sky high. Unbelievable. 

He is. I’m sure he’d love to catch up with Andrew. I’ll make sure he calls. 

Back to the pressing issue of rings; I notice you still don’t have one from Amir?

...wait, you guys are still together, right? I’m so sorry if you’re not and I’ve just made this super awkward. 

[darcellabelmonte]

laraxrutherford:

Well, if it isn’t The First Daughter. How lovely of you to visit.

Lara! How lovely to see you again. 

You’re looking much better than the last time I saw you. Did you lose weight?

[darcellabelmonte]

jacobdavenport:

Nothing worse than a wasted joke. I am not Mr. Mayfair…yet. And I probably won’t be, Katherine is over the whole marriage thing and I don’t think I am that keen on the idea either. Marriage is a racket, a profitable, unnecessary racket. 

Wow, Edge Lord. Aren’t you just a ray of fucking sunshine?

[darcellabelmonte]

damon-rutherford:

You’ll be good for the PR. Make sure to check-in on instagram.

Don’t even get me started on that. She’s not even talented enough to play a role of a wife that’s not a gold-digger.

Oh, the summer of 2018. How could I forget. Jake and I were so drunk that night, we tried to steal a llama. By the way, if you thought you and Amir were quiet, you fucking weren’t.

Little princess? Ooh, do I sense a bit of hostility? Are you going to be an evil step-mom? Cast a sleeping curse on her? Maybe slip some heroin in her cosmo?

I don’t feel like counting shit. The Versailles opening was a complete horror-show. Please hoard them on your plane and fly their asses back to Launceston. I really don’t want to see petty criminals running around the Strip and scaring off the tourists.

Obviously. Do I look like an amateur?

Yeah, she’s really not convincing about it. At all. I don’t feel bad for her, either; it’d make a nice headline for TMI if she died choking on the gardener’s dick. I just wish your father would find someone other than that utter fucking succubus. He’s a good guy.

Who the fuck is Jake? I don’t remember a Jake...

If you thought Amir and I were trying to be quiet, we fucking weren’t.

Wow, okay. Maybe after she’s popped out the sprogs. I’m not Satan.

Yeah, well if you’d seen the things I have, maybe you’d realize that Versailles--whilst a shit show--was a tame shit show. Don’t you think that if I knew how to get these morons out of a fucking city, I’d have cleaned up Launceston myself, already? 

[darcellabelmonte]

jacobdavenport:

That’s because I am wearing clothes, trust me, I have the body of a man who can bench press a plumber. What do you mean the dialogue?

I don’t believe you. You should definitely prove it to me, Mr. Mayfair.

Yeah, don’t worry about it... Wasted joke.

[darcellabelmonte]

stclairfran:

Just witnessed Honor Hathaway making out with a random dude like she was looking for the Chamber of Secrets down his throat. Porto, you feel like home.

That’s fucking disturbing. Thanks for that.

Hey, slut. Didn’t expect to see your ass wandering around here, still. Glad you’re in one piece after everything that happened at Versailles.

[darcellabelmonte]

veronika-auditore:

If you only knew the amount of tequila that was sitting in my liquor cabinet right now. Literally, it’s the only thing people sent me. Kind of started to judge myself a little bit.

Let’s be fair, Launceston is pretty shitty all the time. But, I’m feeling the love and I appreciate it because it’s much needed right now.

‘First Daughter murders wedding planner, eyewitnesses claim to have heard her screaming something about place settings.’ That would be quite the news story. The best advice I can give is to not worry about the stupid shit like flower arrangements or what color the napkins are. The wedding is one day, but the marriage is the rest of your life. 

That’s what you should look forward, too. 

Next time I’m in Launceston, I’ll make sure I get there. Though if you try and make me wear an ugly dress, I may coincidentally be ill the day of your wedding. Just saying.

I mean, if you don't want it, I’m sure I can give it a good home...

Well, just remember that I always love you, Vero. Not just when times are rough. If you ever need anything, I’m always a phone call and a jet away. You know that.

I think Audrey Fairmont did that once, you know.

I am looking forward to it. I think maybe I’m just nervous? Easier to be stressed about napkins instead of over wondering whether your future husband was mid-fucking-aneurysm when he thought that buying the ring was a good idea. TMI is eating me alive. This is the first time it’s bothered me.

Wow. I mean that’s fucking rude and basically blackmail, but okay. Bitch. You better know I’ll remember this. 

[darcellabelmonte]

damon-rutherford:

Good fucking luck being discrete, miss first daughter of the United States.

To be honest, I’d rather had you as my step-mom than fucking Constance. At least you’re fun and drink like a pirate.

No thanks? Really? Oh, let me remind your massive crush on Amir who happens to be my friend. Or was it Connie who was eye-fucking him across the room?

Life was fucking great until goons from your precious hometown reared their ugly heads. 

It’s fine. I’ll move into one of your VIP rooms. I’m super low maintenance, and my rent is always paid on time. Just bring me vodka, snacks, and a phone charger, and I’m good for at least a week.

I can’t believe he’s still with her. Andrew, my man, where’s your self-worth?

Amir? Oh, please. Have you seen him? We definitely did more than eye-fuck.

Yeah, I heard about that... Jacob’s pretty upset with his little princess for jumping ship and moving here. As much as I feel for you guys, though, be thankful you just got the French and Italians. Do you know what we still have to deal with back there? The fucking Russians. Count your God damn blessings. 

[darcellabelmonte]

odile-stpierre:

Relatively so… but hey, you’ve got to admit it’s better than Launceston. And if you haven’t been there, well… trust me on that. And vacation absolutely anywhere else.

Jokes, I like it. I’m Odile… it’s a pleasure.

I think I’ve been there once or twice? It’s not so bad. They have a whole island full of beautiful, rich people...and some Koreans, or something. Also their mayor? Ten out of ten would bang.

Lovely to meet you, Odile. I’m Darcy.